In the never ending quest to find new material for these poats I sometimes fail to satisfy everyone’s diverse interests and tastes. Not enough boobs, melons or lemons. And to all the knob gobbling critics residing in ass alley, I wish you to enjoy all the vag cheese you can fit in your hairy clam hole. But, of course, in a nice way!






Brilliant! It’s been one hell of a week already and after just one more day it’s the weekend…yahoo!



  1. summertime brings out some nice melons

  2. we need a nice melons category

  3. i just added it – so that horrendous oversight has been corrected

  4. one of the stores here has a bunch of locally grown melons coming into season…
    i like melons

  5. all kinds of melons

  6. yes

  7. even

  8. your

  9. wait for it……………………………………………………………………..

  10. m

  11. o

  12. m’

  13. s

  14. melons


  16. This is the greatest Thorsday poat in the history of poats.

    Nice job Jimbro.

  17. Song bouncing around in my head all morning:


    Finish up the Great White North installation today, trying to get home earlier on Friday.

  18. blond melon (swidt) could be on mmm except for the lack of ween.

  19. this post deserves one of these:
    Dancing Watermelon

  20. We could just kill Hotspur instead of MJ. The Mirror Lake Monster will be appeased by any human sacrifice.

    wakey wakey

  21. Nice poat, Jimbro.

  22. Seller has the offer. Waiting.

  23. Blarghablargha.

    Why am I awake again…oh yeah, that stupid work for a living thing I do.

  24. Everyone loves melons!!!

  25. 80yo with glioblastoma. Newspapers and newsrooms have already prepped their remembrance pieces. The AZ GOP has surely met more than a few times to plan for secession (if that’s the right term)

  26. Succession, unless AZ is leaving the union.

  27. pupster?

  28. Carin, the thing with the boy hanging around the house is the definition of a good problem to have. Allow me to present a contrasting situation: a few weeks ago around July 4th one of my older boy’s friends came over the house. One of Paula’s friends was there and her 18 yo daughter took an interest in the friend. There was a lot of not so discreet chaperoning going on including telling her, no, she wasn’t sleeping over. FFS! She’s a bit of what we commonly describe as a whorish slut. Two days ago she was bragging on social media that she “took his virginity”.

    You have a good problem!

  29. baby mj in a year or so –

  30. Jimbro, I just feel bad if she’s leading them on. She won’t tell me if she’s interested, but that may be a face saving thing on her part. “I didn’t like him anyway” kind of thing.

  31. Baby on iPad apparently

  32. It is a dilemma. The balance between allowing her to explore autonomy versus steering her away from awkward situations. Pretty sure that’s why most kids, at some point, realize how wise their parents are/were.

  33. Ethan knee update? Is he done with the ID doctor, doing PT, any return to sport estimates?

  34. Ugh, workie workie

  35. He finally saw the PT last week, and they said his knee was where it should be if he’d had PT all along.

    He goes tomorrow. HE still has some weakness in his leg, but that’s expected. He’s been doing yoga with his team and light running. Returning to sports is when PT says he can.

  36. BTW, the genius librarian who just complained of “racial exhaustion” from seeing too many white people has the same complaint, and also seems to believe that Dunkirk is where D-Day happened.

    I guess because of the D.

    Heh. Sadly, this is evident in everyday life.

  37. We haven’t had a visit from TAGNASH in quite a while.

  38. TAGNASH has been busy with your mom.

  39. Im exploring small business op for UAV photography, inspection, etc. etc….FAA has a UAV certification in place that is kind of a pain in the ass (go figure)

  40. Sounds like a fun business, tt.

  41. Ok, right here is a crossfit workout that is bullshit:

    EMOM until you can no longer maintain 60 second rounds

    6 Pwr clean (185/125)
    12 c2b pull ups

    I hate those kind of things. Seriously? That’s just stupid.

    But we’re doing clean and jerks so I’ll for that and just endure the stupid WOD.

  42. Eww.
    One of my best friends just sent me a pic. He lost his fingertip in a liftgate incident.cut it clean off.

  43. Hope it wasnt his trigger finger or his “your number one” finger….those are IMPORTANT!

  44. Im missing the side tip of my right ring finger… I lost it during the war…..saving a kitten from a tree…….that was on fire…….in the middle of a hurricane……..at night…….on christmas eve….

  45. I was in no way intoxicated, doing anything stupid, nor did the words “hold my beer” ever leave my mouth during any of the events leading up to the loss…..

  46. Heh, they can do it in Canada, why not here?

    – environmental impact statement
    – soil borings
    – design and engineering fees
    – storm water detention
    – soil erosion measures
    – building permits
    – contractor registration fees
    – inspections
    – prevailing wage compliance reviews
    – OSHA compliance reviews
    – concrete cylinder testing
    – as-built drawings

  47. Many moons ago I found a fingertip our mechanic lost while working on a liftgate.

    He was trying to line up the hole for the pin.

    Liftgate rails tend to jump when the weight of the gate isn’t there.

  48. Can we stop talking about losing pieces of our bodies. It’s grossing me out.

  49. I should mention that I ate the mushrooms after they dried. A little piece at a time over 2 days. No apparent effect other than tasting them. They weren’t bad.

  50. Sidebar guy at AoSHQ needs some remedial English. “Refute” is when you offer evidence that contradicts an assertion. “Dispute” is when you just say “nuh uh” to that assertion, which is all the fake Paul McCartney is doing.

  51. Morning, good people and Hotspur!

  52. Also, Amazon actually has purged a lot of books from its Kindle store. Ironically, perhaps, many were written by Nazis.

  53. “Can we stop talking about losing pieces of our bodies. It’s grossing me out.”

    I guess…..but does this mean we cant talk about placenta eating anymore too?

  54. Actually, yes, it was his “fuck you” finger.
    The ironic thing is, his brother was a multiple time GP250 International champion. Lost a couple fingertips and his entire right thumb in a bad wreck.
    Had his big toe surgically removed and attached as a thumb so he could continue to race.(needed a thumb to operate the throttle)

    Randy was my mentor. A great man in every respect.
    And yeah, I used to make all the “get your foot off the bread!” jokes.

  55. John McCain gets no love from the right or from the left. The comments express some of my sentiments about him.

    When you try to straddle the fence you end up pissing off both sides, douchebag. He was a shitty sailor, a treasonous POW, a shitty senator, a disastrous presidential candidate, and an all around prick.

  56. So I gave up my good Senator and get in exchange…refusing to properly handle the Russia circus and a reprocessing of a program that’s a blatant violation of Constitutionally protected rights.

    Add to my list of “Why I Have Trust Issues”.

  57. Do Jehovah’s Witnesses read the same Bible the rest of us read?
    The two ladies that just came to my door couldn’t give an answer, nor tell me why they were attracted to this church in the first place.
    They’re certainly not used to a redneck heavily bearded man actually engaging them in conversation.

  58. “LemonMelonBoobParty”


    I love it. Old school.

  59. Chi, no, they have their own approved “translation” that mangles a lot of verses to satisfy the needs of their particular strain of Arianism.

  60. Its my understanding that they are heavy into “preparedness”.

  61. I think the most famous is the entirely unjustifiable change to John 1:1

    New World Translation (JW fan-fiction):
    “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was a god.”

    Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition:
    “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

    Denial of the Trinity and divinity of Jesus meant that their founder needed to slip a preposition in here, manuscripts be damned.

  62. Thanks, Leon.
    I’m learning that now. They don’t have a sense of humor, either, apparently. I have a decent repertoire of God/church jokes…

  63. By did God make Adam before He made Eve?

    He didn’t want to hear a bunch of nagging on how to do it right.

  64. For many Detroiters, the six days of civil unrest are hard to classify. Some call it a riot. Others call it a rebellion.

    Thompkins called it all-out war.

    It was a fucking riot, you stupid bitch.

    A 3:30AM raid on a blind pig resulted in many arrests. People started fighting with the police, and almost immediately started torching buildings and looting. Same bullcrap that goes on today in shitholes like Ferguson and Baltimore.

    Fuck your version of events.

    Even the story about your Easter dress is bullshit.

  65. Eve was a whore.

  66. Ha!

  67. Here’s some hostage humor you’ll enjoy.

  68. Stokely Carmichael and shit.

  69. I was 18 in 1967 and worked just over 8 Mile Road from Detroit, and knew a lot of black people. They were downright embarrassed by what was happening.

    That’s why calling it anything but riots is bullshit. People weren’t rebelling. They were torching and looting. “Burn, baby, burn.” was real.

  70. I have to give props to Draden restaurant group.
    Had a bad experience at an Olive Garden this week – just got off the phone with corporate.they’re making things right, or at least trying to. Great customer service IMO.

  71. What is the difference between a Jehovah’s Witness and a Yugo?


    You can slam the door on a Jehovah’s Witness.

  72. What do Maxine Waters and a Yugo have in common?

    They’re both running on three cylinders.

  73. They’re both Commie imports?

  74. Did anybody lose their foreskin today?

  75. Hillary Clinton

  76. McCain lost his just recently.

  77. I should mention that I ate the mushrooms after they dried…. No apparent effect…

    Uh huh.

    Leon, how many fingers am I holding up?

    *holds up two pool floats and a potted plant*

  78. 3!

  79. They tasted okay, haven’t felt sick at all.

    I do feel taller, though.

  80. Good job buddy! You’re fine.

    *slowly morphs into a giant Circus Peanut*

    *melts into the wall*

  81. Louise Mensch – would you smash, MJ?

  82. /puts “Comfortably Numb” on H2 stereo

  83. I ain’t MJ, but after a cursory Bingle search, yes -pre plastic surgery. After the knife, you couldn’t pay me enough.

  84. Mensch looks like Emma Watson with twenty-five hard years in between.

  85. I gave your mom 25 hard years.

    In between.

  86. Okay then, Gillian Anderson?

  87. MJ is a fag.

  88. On our way to Secret Lake. Life is good.

  89. OJ wins parole…

  90. Gillian Anderson is still smashable.

  91. Finally, he can get back to pursuing the real killers.

  92. Comment by Hotspur on July 20, 2017 2:20 pm

    Louise Mensch – would you smash, MJ?

    Damn……you puppies are sicker than I thought.

  93. Let me bore you guys with the details of my life for a change. No, I don’t have a garden, sorry. Haven’t worked out lately. My kids haven’t pissed me off lately.

    But!!!!!! check this shit out. My 12 year old Tahoe with 225K on it has a warning light concerning the airbag system that comes on every time you start it and stays on while it’s running. I’ve ignored it relentlessly for the past 3 years that I’ve been driving it. But in TX you have to get a safety inspection every year and if you don’t, you can’t get your licence plate renewed. So today was the day I chose to get all my inspections done and get all my licence plates purchased for the next year. No can do on the Tahoe inspection unless I can get that warning light addressed. So I called the four Chevy dealerships that are within an hours drive of me and the earliest any of them can get it in is August 3. Makes me want to dip Copenhagen.

  94. unplug the light.

  95. Jay is wise.

  96. Wish I knew where the plug was.

    That’s kinda funny because the usual advice around here is to plug it in.

  97. The check engine light in Penelope’s Diesel Jetta came on. According to the code reader, it’s a bad glow plug. We’ll change them out and see. Other than that and a bad air conditioner, it’s been a great little car. 135K miles.

  98. Airbag light is separate from check engine light, I believe. Just for one more thing. You could try an auto parts store, have them hook up a reader, maybe it will tell what is going on. They usually do it for free.

  99. When I got an oil change and tire rotation they said my passenger AC wasn’t working. $135/hour labor to look into it. I said no thanks. It’s 10 years old, I can feel cool air and we use the AC for two months a year here.

    I did think of Scott’s advice of “you need a guy”. One of the nurses that does helicopter trauma stuff has a husband who does car stuff and I see her at the post office lugging new tires for his shop now and again. If I’m looking for a repair when it craps out all the way I’ll go to him.

  100. POC Honda had passenger airbag light on for 10 years. Sensor problem. I was never really in any danger…😜😂

  101. I was wearing a Canada tee. Mistaken for Canadian today. I need to work on my tan and being rude.

  102. Offer accepted, we’re getting 19 acres for 80k.

  103. Awesome news, Leon!

  104. Great news Leon!!!

  105. They didn’t even dicker on price, we should have gone lower.

  106. Thanks. The next 12-14 months are going to be exciting in a Chinese proverb kind of way.

  107. Excellent news, Leon. Hate to see you move so far away though.

  108. We sold MiLs house. Can’t talk about it on FB. Almost finished with family. Free Bird.

  109. Yeah, I’ll miss the easy drive to the ghetto bar. Going to be 90 minutes instead of 30 now.

  110. Better than for being 15 hours to the ghetto bar around the corner from me.
    But I can buy you drinks at this one…

  111. Next year’s garden: cover crops.

  112. I wish I had a ghetto bar. As a kid, the Copper Penny at Buckeye Lake. Fake Grandmother in OH owned the Horseshoe Bar. In Texas, my dad patronized the Bandera.

  113. I was wearing a Canada tee. Mistaken for Canadian today.

    Fuck Canada.

  114. Sandia translates to Watermelon. Manzano to Apple. Sangre de Christo to Blood of Christ. Our mountains look red at sunset. Co-worker moved here from MD. His old Club sold 4000 watermelon during July 4th week. We sold 1100. I got in a per capita math argument with him. Messicans love 🍉

  115. I wasn’t even TMI3rd singing. I only know English lyrics.

  116. https://is.gd/gf5WIJ

  117. Congrats, Leon!!

  118. It is a really cute Canadian tee

  119. I usually only pretend to be Canadian in FL. Tipping reasons. You get shitty service in NM for reasons. NM hates tourism

  120. Tourism=Whitey

  121. TMI: Dan doesn’t like Spider-Man. Garfield spidey was like OMG! Dan doesn’t like Monty Python

  122. I bet I could get pretty good service in NM.

    Hunchbacks are considered minorities everywhere.

  123. HotBride and I are going to Stratford, Ontario Sunday for a couple of days.

    I’ll pass along your sentiments, Pupster.

  124. I hate Monty Python.

  125. We have dwarves, pinheads, and people with goiter. Hunchbacks are meh

  126. Even the 4 Yorkshiremen? Et tu HS?

  127. No, not the Four Yorkshiremen.

  128. Grandma’s “Celebration of Life” is scheduled for 2pm on a Thursday? WTF?

  129. They say “zed” instead of “zee” .

    You’re welcome.

  130. Pupster isn’t going to make it. By Friday morning he’ll be eating Tim Horton’s with a side of cheese curds and gravy, and lighting a candle to Don Cherry.

  131. There are two lots for sale in my town.

    .18 acres – asking $50,000
    .34 acres – asking $114,000

  132. I like cheese curds

  133. if you grow teh herb, leon, you’ll be able to pay it off faster than the cloud dissipates….

  134. That’s ok, you’re Canadian. It’s expected.

  135. “Fuck Canada.”
    pupster is my twin bro

  136. Use the weird kid voice from The Christmas Story. I like Santa Claus/Cheese curds

  137. Wow, congratulations, Leon! Weren’t you just begun wrestling with this dilemma not a week ago?

    When you move, you slice like a hammer!

  138. We don’t get as many Canadian tourists with their dollar at 76¢ US or thereabouts

  139. I usually only pretend to be Canadian in FL. Dan is making a Margherita pizza. Lots of pesto and mozzarella. Smells yum. 🐻❤️Pine nuts. Did you guys know that pignoli and piñon are the same thing????

  140. Airbag light is separate from check engine light, I believe. Just for one more thing. You could try an auto parts store, have them hook up a reader, maybe it will tell what is going on. They usually do it for free.

    That’s a hell of a good idea. Thanks.

  141. ” Smells yum. 🐻❤️Pine nuts. ”

    pine nuts –

  142. pine

  143. nuts

  144. pine-nutz

  145. moist

  146. moist pinenutz

  147. pinenutz porridge hot

  148. pinenutz porridge cold

  149. pinenutz porridge moist

  150. 7 dayz old

  151. so

  152. i remember this time in the deep dark pine forrest….

  153. i waz 7 dayz old –

    your mom was there

  154. Deez nutz.

  155. Found the listing Sunday, looked at it Tuesday, offered yesterday. I don’t like to waste time. Now we get to find someone to lease it for hay farming so I can get the soil started on its way to grassland.

  156. xb with the save

  157. Scott, I’ll sell you 5 acres for 80k 🙂

  158. *kicks leon in the nutz*
    Scott, I’ll sell you 2 of leon’s achers for a beer

  159. IPad dying🎶🎶🎶🎶

  160. It isn’t art, and it isn’t fair.

  161. http://tinyurl.com/yd3bcls7

  162. Pine nuts. Those were the good old days. I can barely afford almonds any more. No beef braciole.

  163. Pine nuts are a scam.

  164. I’ve got a bunch of pine trees.

    Never seen a pine nut.

  165. Pine trees have to be 50+ years old to make pine cones, and you have to get the nuts out of the cones before the squirrels do.

  166. These trees are at least 80 years old.

    Pine nuts are make believe.
    It’s probably a scam to move soy.

  167. It’s a scam by Big Nut.

  168. Ummmm, PD, is that a new law? I lived in Texas 5 years and never had a yearly inspection.

  169. You’ve always had to get an inspection sticker though it wasn’t tied to getting your license plate. But within the last two years or so the DPS has created a database that mechanic shops are required to report when they’ve done an inspection on your car and then the county clerk can go into the data base and check it. Usually the mechanic will give you a hard copy just in case the county clerk’s office has a malfunction of some sort. No insurance, no inspection, no new license plate.

  170. Your husband is such a good guy that he probably took care of getting your cars inspected and never bothered you with it. But back when you lived here you had to have an actual sticker in the lower left corner of your windshield. Now that it’s computerized you don’t have an actual sticker any more.

  171. Yearly inspections are $$$$$ suckers. Texas should be ashamed.

  172. The Mare’s had people for that.

  173. Hawaii had inspections and I always did both our cars as a convenience for my husband. But you may be right PD.

  174. Scott, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. (But I wish!)

  175. I got people for everything.

  176. The inspection itself only costs $7.50. But there’s no telling what it’ll cost if I have to get a new airbag in my Tahoe. Might be more than the damned thing is worth. I’ve got to put a new $159 windshield in my daughters jeep so it can pass an inspection. The repairs are what’s a killer.

  177. Can anybody love anyone so much that they will never derp
    Never worry never be sad
    The answer is they cannot love this much nobody can
    This is why I don’t mind you doubting

  178. Howard Jones Derp

  179. “I got people for everything.”
    it takes a village

  180. Whey da tits at?

  181. Good morning.

  182. First batch of material for the gazebo should arrive today – very exciting

  183. The gabion wall seems to be working. We’ve had some torrential rain and it held up.

  184. Morning lauraw

  185. And the rest of youse guys

  186. Sounds like quite the project, jam2! Are you building the gazebo yourself too?

  187. Leon – you should get a local goat farmer to run a bunch of those things on your property.

  188. I’m going to write a cover letter for my resume today and wallpaper the hospital HR websites.

  189. Rather be out playing in the dirt.

  190. The boobs will be of an afternoon variety today. Enjoy the lemon melon boob party or put up a new one for now.

    Please clap.

  191. Yes laura – my daughter is going to help me too.

  192. Why is MJ asking for the clap? I thought he already had it.

  193. Trying to remain positive … my 0730 case hasn’t even gone to the room yet. Keep smiling despite the kill thoughts bouncing around my noggin

  194. Leon – you should get a local goat farmer to run a bunch of those things on your property.

    It’s on the table. I don’t have a goat guy yet, though.

  195. I want a goat.
    Wakey wakey

  196. We need a goat guy, for the abundant poison ivy this year. It’s ridonkumous. Just, everywhere.

  197. This is really good.

  198. We’ve got it in spots pretty bad too.Along the driveway- in the grass it’s rampant.

    I’m an expert at spotting it by now.

  199. Goats eat poison ivy? nice!

  200. Goats even eat phragmites, but they don’t swim.

  201. And wild raspberry plants. If I could get ride of those two things, I would be pretty freakin happy.

  202. Yeah, sounds like you need a goat, Carin.

  203. I bet your creme brulee would be even even more amazing, made with fresh goat milk…

  204. I really like wild raspberries, but mine are my fence.

  205. The wild ones are way too small. And they spread everywhere. Drive me nuts.

    I have a nice version along my garden fence that I much prefer. They spread pretty well too, and I’ve got a nice patch going.

  206. I DO need a goat. We just need to convince Pay.

  207. It’s possible that mine are actually blackberries.

  208. The wild ones around here are ‘black caps’ or black raspberries. I have seen wild blackberry too, but they are far less common.

    My sister and I used to go crazy for the black caps at our neighbor’s woods edges when we were kids. Come back home with a tiny cupful of fruit and our arms all scratched up, ha ha ha.

  209. I saw turkey tail mushrooms growing on fallen logs in the woods at the new place. That was pretty cool.

  210. Goats even eat phragmites, but they don’t swim.

    You should make a little raft for the goats.

  211. I had learned what I’m picking here as “black raspberries” also. Don’t know if we have “wild raspberries” anywhere.

  212. Mornin’ Hostages. So, 19 acres, eh? You could build your own ghetto bar…

  213. I’ll likely eventually have my own farmstand. Stay tuned for whether I start brewing cider.

  214. Black raspberry is racist.

  215. This is the bullshit that passes for stories in our local disgrace of a web newspaper.

    Utter crap.

  216. I have black raspberries, red raspberries (both wild) and blackberrys and raspberries that are both cultivated.

  217. The wild raspberries are so small to make any collecting of them a pretty good time-waster.

  218. The only true parts of that article are the dates. If Detroit was so awful for them, why did blacks move there in the first place?

  219. And you have to love that asshole’s implied threat at the end of it. What a fucktard.

  220. Leon, a romanticism of history and his part of it.

    I like how it mentions that a black lady and her baby were supposedly thrown off the Belle Isle bridge – no comment that it didn’t happen.

    They also say that the riots lead to a black mayor and black police officers yada yada yada, then completely gloss over the near total destruction of the city in the decades following. They want to claim their racial victory w/o acknowledging the eventual outcome.

    They were more than happy that white moved out so they could occupy homes and stores. But then … nothing.

    I find it pretty intresting that THIS is the story that follows the linked one:


  221. PROGRESS!!!

    Now you get black men shooting -for no reason – black cops.

  222. “Institutionalized racism”

  223. Looting is ok if everyone else is doing it.

    –shit Jefferson said

  224. https://h2gardentalk.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/midsummer-gardenblerg/

    OK, now I’m really gonna finish that cover letter.

  225. To Whom it May Concern:

    Hire me bitch.


  226. Do they even read cover letters anymore?

    Dear Employer looking for employees…..Hire me cause I want a job. I mean, I know that’s kind of obvious since I’m responding to a ad you placed offering a job and looking for people that wanted a job, but I still feel the need to write this document telling you that I am in fact interested in a job and not trying to sell you something. If I was trying to sell you something, I wouldn’t need a job cause I’d have one selling stuff, but I dont which is why Im writing this letter confirming that I would like a job….


  227. I’ll concede that Spurs version is more concise….

  228. I hate people.

    I hate airports.

    I hate people in airports.

  229. People in airports are a scam.

  230. Well crap. Sean Spicer resigned.

    I liked him.

  231. Kalamazoo county has an online GIS for zoning and elevation and flood plains and all sorts of stuff. Pretty cool: http://kalamazoocounty.geoquickserver.com/

    We’re zoned Agricultural, as I’d thought, but it’s nice to be sure.

    I never watched a press conference, so the Spicer thing isn’t a big deal to me. I wish him well in future endeavors.

  232. Hotspur, do you want to get drinks next week and let me pick your brain about building a house? I’m buying.

  233. You bet. I’m out of town Monday and Tuesday.

  234. Thursday’s probably my best bet, then.

  235. You can pick my brain too, and buy. I just don’t know as much, so the conversation will be shorter.

  236. Thursday works. Just name a time. Let’s do Casey’s. Sometimes the ghetto bar is too loud.

  237. Casey’s is fine. 7pm work?

  238. Jay, if you want to show up, I’ll buy for you too.

  239. I require the finest well liquors!

  240. And should you attend, you shall surely have them.

  241. i can teach you about running equipment and building retaining walls and cantilevered structures….

    *calculates how much booze i’d have to drink to make the trip worthwhile*

  242. I just refused to release editable drawing files to a potentially problematic client.

    I think the shit is hitting the fan.

  243. 7 is good.

  244. btw – i didn’t know that hotspur was an expert in rammed earth/horseshit base yurts…

  245. I don’t think I need retaining walls for this site, but we’ll see.

  246. http://bit.ly/2tx9fPO

  247. Boob.

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