David Brooks is the Sandwich Artist of Virtue Signaling

From the NYTimes, so don’t click.

Recently I took a friend with only a high school degree to lunch. Insensitively, I led her into a gourmet sandwich shop. Suddenly I saw her face freeze up as she was confronted with sandwiches named “Padrino” and “Pomodoro” and ingredients like soppressata, capicollo and a striata baguette. I quickly asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else and she anxiously nodded yes and we ate Mexican.

American upper-middle-class culture (where the opportunities are) is now laced with cultural signifiers that are completely illegible unless you happen to have grown up in this class. They play on the normal human fear of humiliation and exclusion. Their chief message is, “You are not welcome here.”

–David Brooks

First, let’s clear up a few things. I would bet any amount of money that the ‘friend’ Mr. Brooks is speaking about is his maid or some other domestic help and that she is hispanic. Second, only a real jerk would ask his ‘friend’ if she wanted to leave a restaurant rather than explain the exotic nature of Italian cured meat. It’s fucking salami. How hard is that to explain?

When I read these two paragraphs, I actually clicked out of the site it was posted to and went to the original because it was so laughably snobbish. I thought it was a parody of David ‘A Pant Crease Love’ Brooks’ writing style, which is insufferably condescending. Lo and behold, it is real. He wrote those two paragraphs, reread them, substituted ‘friend’ for maid, submitted it to an editor who also read them, and it ended up in print for millions (actually dozens) of people to read.

Because of his momentous feat, I hereby submit to you, my lovable Hostages, that we create the honorary David Brooks Virtue Signaling Award. He has achieved, through his total lack of social etiquette, the ability to make a sandwich into the bright dividing line of the American classy system. His face shall be carved upon Mt Douchemore.

Parody:

Recently I took David Brooks to an adult book store. Insensitively, I led him into the straight section. Suddenly I saw his face freeze up as he was confronted with titles such as “Lesbian Babysitter Threesomes” and “Step Sisters Gone Wild” and words like boob, vagina and a girl on girl action. I quickly asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else and he anxiously nodded yes and we wound up in the gay section.

–MJ

Recently I took a friend with doctoral degree to lunch. Insensitively I led him into a McDonalds. Suddenly I saw his face freeze up as he was confronted with menu items like “Hamburger” and “Fries” and ingredients like ketchup, mustard and a sesame seed bun. I quickly asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else and he anxiously nodded yes and we ate gluten free vegan Thai.

–NYT Comment

Mr. Brooks Prepares to Tongue Punch Rodrigo’s Fart Box

215 Comments

  1. ^funnest thing I’ve read all week.

  2. I can’t make any jokes, because just about every one has been made on Twitter already.

  3. ” Replying to @max_read

    “Insensitively, I led her into a gourmet sandwich shop” has to be the funniest sentence I have ever read.

  4. ” Mark Pytlik‏Verified account @markpytlik 2h2 hours ago
    Replying to @max_read

    i remember learning about soppressata in university…. good times

  5. ” Jonathan Lamb‏ @JonathanLambRI 3h3 hours ago
    Replying to @max_read @Atrios

    Fortunately I majored in bullshit hipster sandwiches at Brown

  6. I think we should give Brooks credit for having “friends” so far beneath him.

  7. I’m calling bullshit on that statement by Brooks. It didn’t happen.

  8. *waiting for the Mexican outrage over the perceived simplicity of their native cuisine….

  9. Please keep posting those Car in. Comedy Gold!

  10. I totally agree. It either didn’t happen or he took his maid out to lunch.

    It’s also possible he had a stroke and couldn’t figure out how to describe soppressata as spicy salami.

    For a professional writer, that’s just Sad!

  11. Ok

    ” Dire Publications‏ @MNlibVoter 3h3 hours ago
    Replying to @max_read @ggreenwald

    “Recently I had lunch with a friend with no college degree, I’d like to take a moment to publicly shame her for her lack of sophistication”

  12. I really hope Ace makes something funny out of this today. It’s like fastball down the middle on a 3-2 count.

  13. “3 hours ago
    Replying to @max_read

    This is why we need taco trucks on every corner
    1 reply 1 retweet 40 likes

  14. It would be great if the “friend” has a Twitter account and calls him out on his bullshit & assholery.

  15. One last one:

    ” Replying to @max_read

    Only a college degree can prepare you for the exotic world of capicola and soppressata.

  16. The lines between journalism, fiction and satire continue to be blurred by “writers” who, in all seriousness, pen drivel as Brooks has done.

    Hey Davey, you’re the culturally insensitive one, taking your “friend” to a Mexican restaurant. Everyone in California and the Southwest knows you can’t get good Mexican food east of Texas and the Rockies.

  17. The educated class has built an ever more intricate net to cradle us in and ease everyone else out.

    Fuck you.

    (Emphasis added – mine.)

  18. We in the educated class have created barriers to mobility that are more devastating for being invisible. The rest of America can’t name them, can’t understand them.

    We. Hahahahahahahaha.

  19. LOL

    Mt. Douchemore

    GOLD

  20. The entire premise of the article is ridiculous and just shows how out of touch he is.

  21. Mumblegrumble.

  22. Those poor country yokels, who like their sandwiches with mayo and white bread and roast beef. They’re too busy working real jobs and/or doing meth and their sisters to understand the epicurean delights of a gourmet sandwich shop!

    David Brooks needs to be horsewhipped, except that I suspect he already enjoys being whipped.

  23. Nobody gives a shit about my problems, but I gotta hold my tongue about fake people with fake problems just because someone has the real problems the fake people fake claim.

    All outta fucks. And all outta patience.

  24. MJ, send that article to Ace. He’ll have a fucking field day with it. I could use a few more laughs.

  25. It’s up on the HQ. Shit on the comment thread is why I’ve decamped here, possibly permanently.

  26. I really hope Ace makes something funny out of this today. It’s like fastball down the middle on a 3-2 count.

    Ace is going to wake up with a huge, throbbing erection and not know why until he sees this article.

  27. NVM, just the art thread it came up. And took it over, natch.

  28. Twitter was the early bird on this one.

  29. You guys are on Twitter?

  30. No. But a friend on facedouche posted it first thing this morning.

  31. Gotcha.

    I ran 5 miles yesterday. No way I’ll make it 10 hungover.

  32. LOL

    HotBride makes me a sandwich everyday to take to the office. I never know what it is going to be until lunchtime.

    Cheese and apple sandwich – there’s a first time for everything.

  33. Was it not knowing what cappicollo is or was it “you expect me to pay $18 for a ham sammich?”

  34. Sounds like a not-so-subtle hint to pick things up from the store.

  35. My favorite tweet pic for the day is Hillary holding up a “Nasty Woman” tshirt as part of some fundraiser. Like she would ever wear something as lowly as a tshirt. Or advertise that Bill brought home crabs again.

  36. Be glad it wasn’t a shit sandwich. There’s no coming back when you’re served a shit sandwich

  37. You got this MJ. At mile 5 they pass out beer, so you can get an early start on the Saturday Day-Drinking festivities.

  38. My sandwich is a sekai-ichi and roquefort.

    I have no idea what an ‘apple’ and ‘cheese’ sandwich is.

  39. I enjoyed MJ’s poat Sunday night about Hillary helping with the midterm election efforts. Keep her around as long as we can to remind people what they just barely missed.

  40. If Hillary had been a nasty woman, we wouldn’t have had all that trouble with Bill in the first place.

  41. Can I stop and just drink after 5 miles?

  42. Was it not knowing what cappicollo is or was it “you expect me to pay $18 for a ham sammich?”

    That was my first thought. But I’m still thinking this never happened.

  43. Hotspur, do you use ccleaner? That’s an easy way of getting rid of that crap.

  44. Recently I took David Brooks to a Home Depot. Insensitively, I led him into the plumbing section. Suddenly I saw his face freeze up as he was confronted with drain hoses, flapper valves, and wax rings. He showed interest in a ballcock until he saw the look of consternation on my face. I quickly asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else and he anxiously nodded yes and we wound up getting a mani/pedi instead.

  45. Brilliant!

  46. scott, looks like we’re meeting MJ at mile 5 for beers.

    Prepare the SUV and sirens!

  47. This is how you got Trump.

  48. Today is 7/11

    Thank you come again.

  49. *slow claps for Romy and Tushar*

  50. Huh. That means free slurpee day.

  51. Recently I took David Brooks online. Insensitively, I led him into the conservative section. Suddenly I saw his face freeze up as he was confronted with websites such as Ace of Spades, Instapundit, and Legal Insurrection and words like freedom, patriotism, and Laffer curve. I quickly asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else and he anxiously nodded yes and we wound up on HuffPo.

  52. Today is 7/11

    Thank you come again.

    I totally heard that in your voice.

  53. Heh, so did I, roamy.

    His breath smells like Jagermeister.

  54. Recently I took David Brooks a liquor store. Insensitively, I led him into the beer section. Suddenly I saw his face freeze up as he was confronted with Pabst, Sam Adams, and Budweiser and words like can, six pack, and lager. I quickly asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else and he anxiously nodded yes and we wound up near the Chardonnay.

  55. Recently I took David Brooks to the gym. Insensitively, I led her into the free weight area. Suddenly I saw her face freeze up as she was confronted with pieces of steel with names like “squat rack” and “bench press,” and equipment like barbells, dumbbells and plates. I quickly asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else and she anxiously nodded yes and we did Pilates.

  56. I’ve not hear of cleaner. I’ll give it a look.

  57. Recently I took David Brooks to a mechanic. Insensitively, I led him into the garage. Suddenly I saw his face freeze up as he was confronted with equipment like an impact hammer, floor jack, and air ratchet. I quickly asked him if he wanted to go somewhere else and he anxiously nodded yes and we went to a Tesla dealer.

  58. ccleaner

  59. Never happened. Did any of you honestly think Brooks could go deeper (heh, not with his penis) into the absurd than saying he admired and knew greatness because of a pant crease? Neither did I. But this bullshit is a crowning turd on a lawn full of turds.

    MJ, excellent commentary and well done, Hostages on the Brooksisms.

  60. [ ] David Brooks likes to eat dicks by the bowl

    [x] David Brooks likes to eat dicks by the bag

  61. Brooks hits such depths of unself aware condescension that he could sell rare mineral rights.

    This epic size prick thinks you don’t know what he “knows” if you haven’t gone to college.

  62. Ccleaner seems to have done the trick.

    Thanks Scott.

  63. David Brooks has been to Le Telepathé.

  64. If we were exposed to the truth, we wouldn’t be socialists.

    Love stories like this.

  65. ^^^^^^
    Hahahahahaha to mare hs, and jay.

  66. “It was like everyone’s grandpa walked in:” Diners surprised by President Bush at local cafe

    Can you imagine Obama meeting his constituents?

    Debbie said the former president took time to visit with every diner before leaving, but there was one conversation she overheard from a soldier eating at a table next to her that she won’t soon forget.

    “There was another young couple he turned to and the man was in the army,” Debbie said. “He told him ‘it was an honor to serve you’ and President Bush said ‘thank you for your service, but you didn’t serve me, you served your country.”

    Yeah, me neither

  67. Comment by Chi on July 11, 2017 1:39 pm

    Huh. That means free slurpee day.
    ========

    For your mom, every day is free “slurpee” day…..

  68. *adds Pepe to “the list”

  69. OK. It’s finally dropped back down to 94°. Since it’s dead in here, I’m going back out to move the last of the rocks and start hauling mulch around.

  70. Car in is stealing our stuff, and putting it on facedouche.

  71. Mt Dew Fans?

  72. Lovely downpour earlier. Turned the parking behind the building into a lake. It does that at least once a year, though this was by far the worst I’ve seen it in my nearly eight years here.

  73. Vice President Kaine thinks Donald Trump Jr committed treason.

    Hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha

  74. Its might be possible that I won’t get tired of winning. Its so good.

  75. you mean this guy MJ?

  76. Yeah, that’s him. He’s the vice president of virginia right?

  77. I assume you’re being facetious, my, but Timmy Kaine is the junior Senator from my state. And the senior douchecanoe.

  78. Ahem * MJ.
    Fark the u, autocucumber.

  79. So, between Tim Kaine and Joe Biden… which is more likely to break down sobbing when confronted by Chris Hansen?

  80. They’re both creepy, handsy bishes.

  81. I will never understand the Kaine pick for VP. He added nothing to the ticket, he has no accomplishments to point to, his debate performance with Pence was nothing short of pathetic, his speeches were vapid, etc.

    Somebody had something big on Cankles, and called in a chit.

  82. Rod Dreher gives a defense of David Brooks.

    A few years ago, an older working-class woman had done a special favor for me, and I wanted to show her my gratitude. I took her out to a restaurant that wasn’t fancy, exactly, but it was a definite cut above Chili’s. To me, this was my way of showing her my gratitude: to take her to a place that was out of the ordinary. At the table, I was distressed to see her obviously struggling to enjoy herself. She appeared anxious and uncomfortable, and I couldn’t figure out why.

    Later, her daughter told me that as grateful as her mother was for the invitation, she was a nervous wreck at the restaurant. Her mom saw unfamiliar words on the menu, and felt stupid. And she thought everybody in the restaurant was surely looking at her, and seeing that she didn’t belong.

  83. Allow me to retort:

    David Brooks: These are just sandwiches but they have different types of Italian meats that are like spicy salami or ham.

    Maid: Muchas gracias, señor! No quieres una bolsa de verga?

    David Brooks: Not today, Lupita. Today we eat exotic cured meats!! Ole!!!!!

  84. Alex,
    1) even though they’re both creepy, I’d bet on the paste eater. Too much photographic evidence of his indiscriminate groping of girls of any age.
    B) should I know or care who this Dreher character is?

    Meh. I cooled down and made a drink. I’m going back out to move more mulch of r a few minutes…

  85. Recently I took David Brooks, who probably has a fuckin worthless journalism degree from some east coast commie factory of a college, to Michigan. Insensitively, I led him/her/whatever into the Ghetto Bar. Suddenly I saw his/her/whatever face freeze up as he/she/? was confronted with dirtbags named “Hotspur” and “MJ” and ingredients like fish sticks, bowl of dicks and an Elmo doll which appeared to have evidence of a recent bukake event. I quickly asked her/him/? if they wanted to go somewhere else and he/she/? anxiously nodded yes and we went to a joint in Flint and hung out at Michael Moore’s crib.

  86. True story:

    My best friend in HS went to West Point and while on the east coast learned a little bit about cuisine and shit. When we were about 27 he was stationed at Fort Hood in Killeen TX and I went down to spend a weekend with him. He and me and one of his buddies who was also a West Pointer and was originally from Boston but stationed at Hood, went into Austin to drink heavily on Sixth Street.

    That night we’re eating in a fancy (for a rural Tx boy) sammich shop somewhere in downtown Austin and I order a Turkey, Avocado, and Provolone sammich. The only problem is I say Provolone with a long E on the end like you’d say if it rhymed with baloney. Those two sophisticated fuckers had a good laugh at my expense.

    If that shop had had some fucking Velveeta on the menu that would’ve never happened.

  87. It’s provolon aye

  88. You can’t prove that Elmo had dried babies on his face can you?

    I’m asking for Hotspur.

  89. Recently I took David Brooks, a total idiot everyone treats like someone out of pity, to Alabama. Insensitively…oh hell I did it on purpose to the SOB, I took him to the shooting range. Suddenly I saw him freeze up, confronted with pistols and rifles of all shapes and sizes, to say nothing of the fine Americans firing off a few rounds. I quickly asked if he wanted to go somewhere else and he nodded yes, at which point I laughed in his face and told him to deal with it.

    They’re still cleaning up where he soiled himself, I’m told.

  90. ar in is stealing our stuff, and putting it on facedouche.

    Actually no. The most recent thing I put up I saw on Brent’s facedouche.

  91. Rod Dreher can go fuck himself.

    “I’m really sensitive to this stuff because for years I had to live with the disdain of some members of my Louisiana family for my allegedly fancypants and inauthentic tastes. It was all class anxiety on their part, but they found a way to put the knife in emotionally over these things. They were reverse snobs, and were at times really mean about it. I don’t believe that is excusable. That said, the fact that I was far more comfortable moving in cosmopolitan settings, and had more cosmopolitan tastes, meant that I had doors open for me, professionally and otherwise, that they would not have had.”

    People who can’t seem to figure out the ins and outs of differing tastes and traditions shouldn’t feel like they can lecture me about … anything.

    Because that is the issue here. the inability to understand “other”. Because you are insulated and do not know them. You take a teenager to a fast food restaurant. You take a person who puts ketchup on their steak to Applebees. It’s not because these folks are smarty pants. It’s the opposite. It’s because they are insulated and don’t understand the folks who live outside of their communities. Which … fine. But take that into account next time you decide to lecture me about … anything.

    Oh and go fuck yourself.

  92. If you don’t know better than to take someone raised on baloney sammiches (whatever their education level may be – because that’s immaterial) to some smarmy bistro … than you’re an idiot.

  93. ……as long as there are no onions on the salad.

  94. Dammit. Just walked inside. I’m beat like a red headed step child.
    9pm and the outdoor thermo is showing 89° still. Humidity is unbearable.
    I guess my broke ass should bite the bullet & shut the windows, turn the a/c on…

  95. *rattles coffee cup

    It ain’t gonna fill itself, toots!

  96. She doesn’t like toots, she prefers sugar britches.

    It’s classier.

  97. Can I get a glass of water, please?

    I’m not actually going to order anything… just the water. No ice.

  98. The 26 acre place was… not good. We’d have needed to tear everything down to the dirt, fill in the basement, and start again.

    The ~6 acre place has significant potential if we can confirm that the footprint is what we think it is.

  99. The ~6 acre place has significant potential if we can confirm that the footprint is what we think it is.

    Wild nudist tracks?

  100. I’m RETIRED. Almost.

    Get your own coffee.

  101. There is a problem in a lot of cultures of “reverse snobbery”, but what Dreher describes is a pathetic whine. The problem is in cultures (usually poor) that deride and ostracize anyone trying to better themselves or simply adopting cultural mores that incline them toward wealth and status. Cultures for whom “college boy” or “acting (insert market dominant ethnicity here)” are slurs are sick cultures.

  102. There’s no rush, Leon, right? take your time.

    Look in Lapeer.

    *cough

  103. Woo hoo!

  104. Elmo had so many dried babies on his face he was as scaley as a largemouth bass.

  105. It had about 4 acres of woods on level ground. The asking price is only 149k, so we’d have a lot of buffer to make improvements.

  106. everse snobbery”, but what Dreher describes is a pathetic whine.

    I’m pretty sure I summed that all up in my ‘he can go fuck himself’ comment?

  107. There’s no rush, Leon, right? take your time.

    Look in Lapeer.

    *cough

    Convince my parents and sister and I’m in. But no, no rush.

  108. I’m pretty sure I summed that all up in my ‘he can go fuck himself’ comment?

    Eh, he’s talking about something real, but the least valuable symptom thereof.

  109. It had about 4 acres of woods on level ground. The asking price is only 149k, so we’d have a lot of buffer to make improvements.

    I’m sure it’s covered in poison ivy. Think of possum.

    onvince my parents and sister and I’m in. But no, no rush.

    bring them to the meet. I’ll turn on my charm.

    Or introduce them to Moose. That’s my best asset right now.

  110. This place is covered in poison ivy, you know that right?

  111. That Rod asshole can blow me.

    Brooks’s column was a narcissistic diatribe illustrated with a complete crock of shit. It.did.not.happen.

    Fake news.

  112. The problem is in cultures (usually poor) that deride and ostracize anyone trying to better themselves or simply adopting cultural mores that incline them toward wealth and status.

    See my problem was that the original comment was about education level. As if you needed to go to an elite university to “cure” yourself of this problem. I’ve had waaay too much wine to go into detail, but the limiting factor here is MINDSET not acceptance into an ivy league. Shit, half the people who those universities churn out are wearing Pussy hats, so I question the cultural influence. But likely the “better” things in life has more to do with an open mind and not where you went to college (despite what Dreher and asshat think). It’s interesting , because if you want to introduce a stereotype that has “low class” taste (because that’s what this is all about – they dare not speak it’s name) – let’s talk about black folk and their fried food/well done meat.

    Ooops. no? That’s not at all what they were talking about ….

  113. This place is covered in poison ivy, you know that right?

    /nods enthusiastically

  114. I’m itching just thinking about it.

  115. I’ve got to go put away my chickens.

    /sad face

  116. It’s okay, I’m fighting it here with mint and slowly winning.

  117. My carpenters are hard working humble working class guys. They are what they are, and I appreciate every one of them.

    I would never subject them to things outside of their comfort zone.

    Nobody with a brain does this. Either Brooks has no brain, or he lies. Dreyer too..

    Elitist cum guzzlers trying to analyze that which everyone already knows.

  118. Oh, we got egg #1 with the new birds! Yay!

    But it was in the dirt in their outside area because they are dipshits who won’t go inside even at night. Boo!

  119. Nobody with a brain does this. Either Brooks has no brAi , or he lies. So does Dreyer.

    Elitist cum guzzlers trying to analyze that which everyone already knows.

    I think that was Dreher’s point: that the cosmopolitan class doesn’t understand that others aren’t like them. They don’t think about the fact that their interests aren’t the interests of people from other socioeconomic classes or other parts of the country.

  120. He understood when his maid said, ‘meester Brooks, me no like the spicy jamon.’

  121. Carin makes an extremely astute observation. Substitute black person for the “friend”, and what you’d have is a racist white privilege example of how blacks can never throw off the shackles of slavery.

  122. If possums are a problem, get a minpin.
    My Poopyhead has taken down at least 5 or 6. One about his size. Vicious hunter, but I get nervous when he chases coons.

  123. Where I vehemently disagree with dreher is this : “That said, the fact that I was far more comfortable moving in cosmopolitan settings, and had more cosmopolitan tastes, meant that I had doors open for me, professionally and otherwise, that they would not have had.”

    That is bullshit. If you are GOOD at something real (beyond bs impressing someone with your “superior” taste) no one care if you like your steak well done. Or don’t like sushi or whatever bullshit is hip.

    That’s the problem with these elitest peddlers. They don’t exist in the real world. They excel by aspects of their lifestyle that have nothing to do with inherent ability.

    And that’s why I disagree with their argument. If you’re appraisal as an artist or whatever is based on what you eat, then we have a problem.

    Perhaps that’s why movies/books/movies/art suck so bad?

  124. HotBride won’t let me shoot the possums. She says they eat ticks and grubs. God knows the mole situation in our yard could use something else that eats the grubs.

    This year we have a huge flock of robins in the evening that eat the shit out of the grubs. So maybe the moles will move along.

  125. Good news is that possums can’t carry rabies. Their body temp is too low to support the virus.

  126. Carin, you’re on fi-yah.

  127. Yep Car in, people keep trying to force what they like on everyone else.

    You know what, a plain old burger is usually pretty good, if someone competent makes it.

  128. If I remember correctly, Kaine stepped aside as head of DNC for DWS with a favor to be named later. DNC wanted the GRRRLLL power/FL link. Kaine liked being “owed” and the DNC believed Kaine could deliver VA and hoped DWS could deliver FL.

  129. “Massah Brooks, kin we jus git some ribs?”

  130. My favorite sammich is avocado, apple, sprouts, and red onion with a strawberry mustard on multigrain whole wheat. Or fried bologna on tortilla with yellow mustard. Substitute Spam for bologna.

  131. DWS can deliver my next pizza.

  132. I like freaking eclectic things. It is based on nothing more than a wider range of exposure to things -not all of that being good.

    I consider it a blessing , though, not a marker of worth or talent. It just is what it is. Hiring someone based on their restaurant preference – as an artist or plumber – is stupid.

  133. There are some fricken nimrods with good taste in food/drink. it is meaningless.

  134. Pictures the Hotspur team singing YMCA.

  135. /avoids eye contact with MJ

  136. Opossums don’t really dig for grubs. That’s skunks. If you have lots and lots of grubs, the skunks will roll up parts of your lawn like sod rugs.

    Just treat your lawn with Milky Spore, eventually diggers will go elsewhere.

  137. Lime works too.

  138. FTR- I will be making some “commoner” food to go along with my hoitey toitey fare.

    You know. For those among us who didn’t go to Brown or Harvard.

  139. At LapeerPalooza 2: The One Where MJ Goes Missing

  140. I’m watching Hannity, whom I hate.

    So how does a meeting about nothing lead to President Clinton cuz that’s the part I can’t figure out.

  141. That is bullshit. If you are GOOD at something real (beyond bs impressing someone with your “superior” taste) no one care if you like your steak well done. Or don’t like sushi or whatever bullshit is hip.

    I could write a book on this subject.
    I only have a HS diploma – from a very poor district at an inner city school.
    I worked my ass off in retail sales for over 20 years, and made $50 – $70k + most of those years. And that was fifteen years ago and better.
    The derision and disrespect I went through from people “better than me” because i worked in the service industry was appalling. But it allowed me to pay my house off at 42 (43?) and live quite comfortably.

    I once handed a lady my Mont Blanc pen to sign her credit app, and she looked at it, looked at me – “did you steal this from a customer?”
    *bitch, I just read your credit app! I make more than you! And you got rejected because you’re so far in the hole your grandkids couldn’t dig you out!

  142. I can’t come unless there’s fois grad.

  143. Gras

  144. MJ, the entire story is too stupid for me to follow and that one asshat from fox news who thinks it’s so important can kiss my ass.

  145. This time Drumpf is finished.

  146. My favorite sammich is avocado, apple, sprouts, and red onion with a strawberry mustard on multigrain whole wheat. Or fried bologna on tortilla with yellow mustard. Substitute Spam for bologna

    You misspelled braunschweiger…

  147. People are asshole Chi. Seriously, I’ve had idiots say things to me which … I’m just speechless.

    The stupid burns. It does.

    Fois gras sucks. there will be none of it served at Chez Carin. Smoked salmon. maybe ribs and steaks. And my creme brulee fricken rocks. You don’t need to go to an ivy league to know that it’s good.I’ll just give it to you, and you’ll love it.

  148. I got denied admittance to Dartmouth. Does that count.

    U of I sure could use a guy like MJ.

  149. My favorite sammich is the eyetalian sub from Quizno’s that I’ll never get to eat again because the chain is basically dead.

  150. I was working the electronics counter at Target many moons ago. Woman was asking camera questions about underwater cameras. First time to Hawaii. I started Hawaii chatting. Which island? Snorkeling? Whale watching? Blah blah. She asked me “What does your husband do?” I guess retail employees can’t afford vacations 🤣😜

  151. I can’t stand potted meat/Braunschweiger!!

  152. Jim Gaffigan does a bit about being a waiter in a Midwest Mexican restaurant. I don’t recognize most items on Messican menus. Chalupa? Chimichanga?

  153. This is fun. Young (very) out of of Frankenmouth Michigan. They’re opening on some of the festival tours this summer. they’re 16 /17 or so. Like a young Robert Plant.

  154. I never did heavy traffic retail, oso.
    Only very specialized, high end fitness equipment (think anything you’ve ever used at the gym).
    I mainly dealt with two types of people – cool average Americans like us that wanted hgh quality/great value for their hard earned money, and fat rich assholes that wanted to show off to their friends.

  155. That kid’s voice … man.

  156. Chi, did you sit next to us on a flight from Baltimore in ’07? 🤣🤣🤣 Guy was coming to Albuquerque to retrofit a gym with new treadmills and other equipment.

  157. Ouch!
    Comparing potted meat to braunschweiger is akin to comparing Lena Dunham to Gal Gadot.

  158. Liver wurst

  159. Was it a tall, lean, handsome, charming motherfucker?
    That could’ve been me…

  160. Oh – and humble. I forgot to mention humble.

  161. If I was any other member of that band, i would be practicing 24/7 so that singer didn’t decide to leave me.

  162. I mostly remember the fact he didn’t steal my armrest and he loved New Mexico!

  163. Just listen to that opening scream.

  164. There’s a reason Dirty Jobs was so popular. Mike Rowe said many of those guys were millionaires.

  165. Honestly, Car in, I couldn’t get through very much of that. My folirst thought was an off key Ann Wilson…

  166. My Ivy League cousins are pretentious assholes that think their 1100-1280 SATs earned them admittance to the Ivy and not the check next to Hispanic. I was accepted to Harvard FFS. My brother to MIT. He wanted to play baseball. (Waves at Scott) My cousin, Michael, has 6 kids. 3 to MIT. 3 to generic Ivy for checking the box. The MIT kids are scary smart.

  167. Oso,
    Whwre are you going camping?

  168. J’ames, my bitch ex-SIL’s BFF was married to a slot machine technician. He cleared 3X the money my brother did as a law partner in a successful law firm. My brother bought out his partner…still less money than slot machine guy. BESIL is now married to an orthopedic surgeon whose family builds parking structures in Vegas…still less money than slot machine guy.

  169. Agua Piedra.

  170. Good friend of my exwife got into UofM with a 19 on her ACT. She was Cuban, though, thus the acceptance. Exwife got wait-listed with a 27 and got in on the second round.

  171. Not Utah, then…
    I gave the other place a click llast night (for the first time in quite a while) and saw a different name going camping – thought it might have been you.

  172. HS friend had a 1600 on SAT. White guy. He and I would laugh about my 1280 offers. Most of my Harvard correspondence was in Spanish. 1600 ended up at TAMU. No full scholarship.

  173. I only got a 26 on ACT. 23 in Math. Average NM ACT score was 17 in 1981. Natives and Messicans much lower.

  174. My cousin, Michelle, graduated from Notre Dame. Denied her Masters from UNM Anderson. Competing against other Messicans. Got her MBA from University of Chicago. Met and married a guy from TTUN. I still get in trouble for mocking her in front of familia. Vacuous bint.

  175. Car in I thought the little guitar player was pretty damned good too.

  176. Girls from U of M were easy.

    Same with Miami.

  177. 🤣🤣🤣

  178. I was easy. We weren’t even the party state school!

  179. All this talk of SATs, ACTs and Ivy Leagues is making me very anxious and uncomfortable.
    I think I’ll just step out and go get some mexican…

  180. My mom and my aunt Maria are the only 2 out of 11/12 that don’t have advanced degrees. (Baby Cecelia died at 6 months so gets a pass). Mi familia is all about board/card games. My mom is competitive. Never let us win unless we earned it. Most of my cousins can’t handle losing to her. ALL of my cousins can’t handle losing to me and/or Dan.

  181. Yo quero Taco Bell?

  182. All the boys except the drummer appear to be brothers.

  183. Yo quero Taco Bell?

    Oh – when I said “going out for some mexican,” I meant Amaranta Flores. The nursing student that lives two doors over…

  184. I really H8 Joey Fucking Votto

  185. Attending school in 1968 segregated Tidewater. Taco Bell was regional, not national. We were the brownest family in Ahoy Acres. Bussed to a formerly black school. My sister would take refried beans with Velveeta and onions on tortilla sammiches to school. Neighbors weren’t quite sure where we fit. My parents would host single servicemen for holidays. 🎶Red or yellow, black or white🎶🎶🎶 We’d have periods where neighbor kids couldn’t play with us

  186. Tidewater?
    Heh. Did you realize that I’m sitting here in Norfolk? About a five iron from the VA Beach city line. Maybe a four minute drive to get to Chesapeake.
    Small world, indeed.

  187. We lived on the edge of the Great Dismal Swamp. 4 years. Left in 1972. When I get really tired, my Tidewater accent emerges. 40+ years later

  188. Navy brought us here in ’69 or ’70. Dad was killed in ’71. We never left…

  189. And there was s no such thing as a tidewater accent!

  190. True story. My dad was a Sr Chief. Enlisted. My friend was a Colonel’s daughter. I was spending the night at her house. Her mom made me run a table manners test before the other guests arrived. Generals and ambassadors. After the fact, I told my dad. He wished that I had picked my nose or ears.

  191. Chi, there were books written in Tidewaterese!!!

  192. In 72 we moved to Taiwan. My teacher was from the Bronx. He thought it was funny that I dragged 3 syllables into 5.

  193. We may be related, oso.
    The man that stepped in/up a few years later was a Master Chief.
    Did you grow up hearing “I’ll kick your ass up between your shoulder blades!”?
    Or – ” if it was up your ass you’d know where it was!”?

  194. My dad was a corpsman. I spent a lot of time with Frogs and Marines

  195. I put my hands in my pockets. Just because I can.

  196. We might have a wifi hotspot. All is not lost. Current battle is CDs for road trip. Toby, Trace, and George. Dan H8s Foo Fighters and Waylon. Really H8s Jimmy Buffet

  197. Historically, Monday night was grilled cheese and tomato soup. I adjusted to 5 cheese grilled cheese and tomato fucking bisque. Gomer Pyle’d

  198. Johnny Cash, ZZTop, Steely Dan, Dire Straits, SRV, Joe Jackson.

  199. Chi, yes! DAC yo

  200. Praying for WiFi hotspot. You guys may or may not chat with me for days. Go watch Crusoe and Saloon video

  201. DAC – duck and cover?

  202. If you don’t find wifi, I’ll be talking to myself at this hour for a week…

  203. David Allen Coe

  204. Dan is Dan. We only have a few items left before moving Day. Consignment art and furniture is at shop. Can’t wait to be out from under 💩

  205. I work with a guy. TBI. PTSD. OCD. Month ago, they sold their home, put in two weeks…prepped to move. He is now on the list for a new heart. Death Panel’d

  206. Oh.
    Not really a fan. Used to be, until I heard a few of his underground shit songs.
    Give me King George any day.

  207. My dad took quite a few of my cousins on their first knife, fork, napkin restaurant trips. Sacred duty. He was beloved.

  208. When I am derp, you will be first against the wall
    With your opinion which is of no consequence at all

  209. Canadian sin tax update:

    $10 for a pack of smokes
    $2 for a can of beer

    Yay free health care!

  210. Sounds like it’s past time for Canadians to start rolling their own. It’s a horrible habit, but you can get it down to about 60¢ per pack. Maybe even less buying on the interwebs.

  211. Fuck Canada.

  212. Don’t hold back, Leon. Tell us how you really feel.


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