Hostage Grocery Run

Over the years we’ve asked our willing friends to pick up a few things from the grocery or hardware store. These items have ranged from the mundane to the bizarre. Here are a few  ‘extra special items’










Happy Thursday, may your coffee cup be as full as you’d like for as long as you want


  1. Oy!!

  2. There’s TONS of used trailers available for a fraction of the cost of these Ken and Barbie dork dorms.

    The tiny house is basically a hipster domicile. A trendy and hip way to be poor, instead of the normal way that makes you actually feel like you might be poor.

  3. If we lived in a tiny house I’d need a storage container and a barn in the yard. Maybe a 2 car attached garage too. Eh, never mind.

  4. It’s probably an overreaction to mcmansion syndrome to some extent. Does any modern house get built at less than 3000 sq ft? And for a family of 2, maybe 3? Absurd. Grandma and grandpa raised 7 kids in 1300 sq ft.

  5. Oldest kid got a basement bedroom to themselves… and $50/month rent.

  6. gershmemeh errowin

  7. The weather is glorious.

    Gonna go outside and moisten my mounds.

  8. My sister and BiL moved across their town from a nice house with a decent yard and neighborhood bordered by some woods to a McMansion neighborhood. Their house was huge in my estimation but there were many many larger houses up and down the surrounding streets. Each house was set back from the road and it didn’t feel like anyone knew each other.

  9. I’ve been watering every day, but I think I was planning to skip it this morning and do an evening water on the main garden and strawberry beds. I want to get the straw mulch in place around the potatoes and strawberries and then water this evening.

    The sunflowers in the trough garden are coming up nicely. The packet said to thin to 2′. Eff that, Imma let ’em fight for dominance. 2″, bitch.

  10. Penelope watches those tiny house things. I’m sure 99.72% don’t work out. “We’re moving our family of 5 plus two Newfoundlands into 175 sq. ft…………” They lose me at “composting toilet”. Somebody is going to die. They never check back in after 2 months.

  11. Pepe – they don’t last. I think about a year is the average – i read it somewhere.

    It’s a goofy, over-idealistic trend.

    Most people aren’t rich enough to live in a tiny house. The only way for it to work is to be able to spend a zillion for all the really fancy gadgets
    , and hopefully take a lot of vacations in bigger places.

    wakey wakey.

  12. So, how was Tool?

  13. I’m wrecked. For life.

    1) Now that I’ve seen Tool, my life now lacks goals. Nothing too look forward to. I’m sure this is what people feel like after the climb K2 or get launched into space?
    2) I don’t know that I can ever see another band in concert, because they will all pale in comparison.
    3) They were awesome.

  14. Of course … perhaps I can eventually see them again? Pat said so much this morning.

    I told Pat that the only bands I think I can see in concert – ever- are Tool, Radiohead, and QOTSA. Tragically Hip – I would have seen them. MAYBE Chevelle.

    I honestly can’t think of any other bands I’d be interested in seeing. I’ve seen some pretty awesome concerts in my life- but I was never one of those huge concert people. I just went to the ones I really wanted to see- so I’ve pretty much hit most of my favorites (or favs at the time).

    My only regret is Tragically Hip. I thought I’d have more time. Pat would have gone to see them with me.

  15. They didn’t play Vicarious, so that was a little disappointing. They’ve been doing that one recently. They played “The Pot” which they haven’t done live since 2012 or something. It’s a good one, but Vicarious would have been better.

    Danny Carey is freakin amazing. 56 years old and still the best drummer out there.

  16. Yeah, someone should do a reality show about the hipsters trying to live in tiny houses, and document the failures. That would be hilarious.

    “Did you ACTUALLY bring a giant Starbucks cup in here?? That takes up half the kitchen counter space, you inconsiderate bastard!”

    “I wanted a venti macchiato! I’m tired of sipping your shitty freetrade coffee out of motherfucking thimbles! FUCK!”



    “I want a divorce. You can keep the house.”

    “Oh no fucking way Gulliver, this was your idea, you’re keeping the house.”

  17. LOL. I’m so glad lauraw hangs out here. She’s the funniest lady on Al Gore’s internet.

  18. When they did “Third Eye” I lost my shit.

  19. I love you. Glad you had a great night out.

  20. Tool fans are a strange lot. They’re not headbangers with the mosh pit. Most of them just stand there, barely moving, as if they were watching a God perform (which was pretty close for a lot of those people).

    I couldn’t stand still. Didn’t care if I was the only one bouncing to the music.

  21. I love you too. And I did.

  22. on the bright side, if you have a hankering for that type of music, you can just go down to the animal shelter when all the cats are in heat.

  23. I’m going to Kill J’ames first.

  24. jimbro! The lead character in Hotspur’s Ben Coes books, Dewey Andreas, is from Castile, Maine. Do you know him?

  25. Looked like you had a good time, with all those outlaw pics and vids you were taking.

  26. Wow, I’ve been friends on facedouche with Car in for 6 years!

  27. I just took a couple. The seats were awesome.

  28. My mounds are moist. In case anybody was wondering.

    Moist. Moooiiisst.

    *overpronounces the word ‘moissst’ two more times*

    Are any of you people here, the people who get skeeved out by the word ‘moist?’ Because that’s funny. It’s just the word moist.
    Moistness. Extra moist.

    Mmm, this cake is so moist.

  29. Air Force cadet creates bulletproof fabric

    Pretty cool. Air Force is sending her to college, and will split profits with her, if it makes money. Yeah right, like they will let this out to the general public.

  30. That’s an amazing article, J’Ames. Sorry about your impending destruction at Carin’s hands.

  31. I need to moisten my mounds.

  32. The low hanging fruit is plentiful, today.

  33. There was a dude at the concert wearing a infowar’s Trump shirt.

    He said he could get away with it because he was Canadian.

  34. First interview with the booze company in CT.

    Can you imagine if I got a job for one of the biggest booze manufacturers in the world and lived close to wiser and the Ws?

    *pages through Revelation

  35. Peter Paul Almond Joy’s got nuts, Mounds don’t.

  36. Heh, that’s probably in one of the unpublished chapters they talk about in the movies.

  37. Haha, great name for a culinary columnist, Sue Veed:

  38. I’m unreasonably interested in women with moist mounds.

  39. Oh here it is.

    “Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea, for the Devil sends the beast with wrath,

    Because he knows the time is short…

    Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast
    For it is a human number,

    Its number is 1320AM, M-F at 11EST.”

  40. I did water the pumpkin mound today. I’ll be doing that daily until I see some sprouts unless it rains.

  41. Good luck with the interview, MJ, I’ve got one this morning as well. Until our products are paying for all of us full time, most of my company is subcontracted for services. We’re trying to switch which client I do that for. I interviewed with them once before and I was a perfect fit, but they were wary of me being remote. I’m less perfect for the role this time, but we’re hoping they’ve softened on the remote stance.

  42. I’ll just go over there and moisten your mom’s mounds.

  43. Good luck my little dwarfy friend.

  44. Because I pre-soaked all my seeds, and the weather is getting warm, I’m hoping to see some sproutage before going on vacay.

    I’ll mulch everything really well before we go away, and hope for adequate rain. Not really worried. The garden is such a sponge now I doubt it will need watering, even without rain for a couple weeks.

  45. You guys should really settle down.

  46. We were in a 6,000+ square foot house yesterday. It was beautiful. But just, too much. I can’t imagine living in such a place.

    Their property tax is $25k/ year, lol.

  47. Jay, Castile or Castine? BTW, I started reading the first one of Ben Coes books. I been busy but hope to knock it out this weekend. It’s a page turner for sure.

  48. I’ve been to Castine. Cool old coastal town where Maine Maritime Academy is located. A guy who used to work at my hospital lived there. He got around the 30 minute rule for call by just sleeping in his office on a couch.

  49. I’m nearly at the end of Coes’s last book. His next one comes out later this month.

    Every one of his books would make a good movie.

    But Hollywood has too many dicks up their collective ass from shitfaces like Spielberg and Tarantino.

  50. Oh, here’s another of those unpublished books of the Bible Jay alluded to.

    *pages through the Book of Renovations*

    Creator all of life, and host of Heaven,

    Even now He is wroth, lo, His great brow troubled,

    because His basement must remain unfinished if He is to avoid extra property taxes on ‘living space.’

  51. And lo, the prophet proclaimeth, “Do not pull a permit for that shite. Verily I say unto you, fuck Caesar and all of his minions.”

  52. My barn doesn’t exist.

  53. I’m thinking maybe the dog park today …

  54. I was all proud of myself this morning for trapping lots of cold air in the house before the heat of day starts to build up. If I time the windows right, I can often keep it cool in here until very late in the afternoon.

    Then I found out it’s not getting warm today. So we’re freezing our asses off and Scott is not happy with me.

  55. Only supposed to be 78 here, which is why I thought I could forgo watering the main garden, but I left all the windows open last night and the furnace came on because I hadn’t shut it off yet. Oh well.

  56. Has Trump been impeached yet? I heard he talked to a guy about something. That seems bad.

  57. Obama and Trudeau did lunch, liberals swoon.

  58. When the hell did the world get taken over by tween girls?

  59. When will it end? Man wins tee ball championship

    *yes I know it’s fake, but babylon bee is funny

  60. I’m going to try making Cochinita Pibil with the sous vide.

    *hands beer to Jay*

    watch this thing happen


  62. Trump’s actions seem concerning. Bring forth the impeachment hammer.

  63. CNN assured me that he’d be hanging from the gallows by tea time.

  64. Tea is for fags.

  65. Baby woodchuck just marched through the yard. I don’t even belee dis chit. What a Spring. Everything is here for lunch on me.

  66. Looks like ya need a murder kitteh or three to keep the critter count down.

  67. Just shoot the fucker.

  68. Cochinita Pibil sounds good, but would be better on the PBC, I think. More smoke.

  69. Scott pre-smoked several small pork roasts all at once on the PBC to internal temp of 145, then froze them. So they’re already smoky. All I’m doing is adding the sour orange marinade with annatto and spices, and finishing it at about 200 degrees (pulled-pork temp) overnight.

    I still have never made it properly with the banana leaves. Wonder if they really add any flavor.

  70. That recipe looks great. I have kind of the same mix going. Sort of. Wingin’ it.

  71. I told Pat that the only bands I think I can see in concert – ever- are Tool, Radiohead, and QOTSA. Tragically Hip – I would have seen them. MAYBE Chevelle.
    I honestly can’t think of any other bands I’d be interested in seeing. I’ve seen some pretty awesome concerts in my life- but I was never one of those huge concert people. I just went to the ones I really wanted to see- so I’ve pretty much hit most of my favorites (or favs at the time).

    You could go see Weird Al. I hear his concerts are a lot of fun.

  72. That’s a good idea, with the pork roasts. Pork shoulder is cheap.

  73. I still have to carve up the extra pork butt I have, for sausage making. Saved a bunch of brisket fat, and the extra from pulled pork. No more dry sausage!

  74. Mmmm. Homemade snausages.

    I need to look around for recipes. I’d like to try making a beef summer sausage.

  75. You know who doesn’t like a dry sausage?

  76. Your mom hates a dry sausage. She sees one and she’s gotta get it wet right away.

  77. Well, since you’ve been with everyone’s mom, why don’t you ask them if they like dry sausage?

  78. Interview went well. Getting that would be sweet, as I could finally be done-zo with the current project and my company could proceed with the complete disengagement.

    I’ve heard this described as “firing a customer”.

  79. Eau de Moist Sausage

  80. Looks like Hotspur got a new car

  81. This is probably the right time to mention that dinner tonight is bratwurst and sauerkraut.

  82. Leon’s sausage killed the poat.

  83. Actually, it most likely died of heart problems. We’ll never know, since the body was left to decompose for several weeks.

  84. My new carpenter who has been on the job not even four days fell off a ladder and likely has a broken wrist and collar bone.

  85. Building another raised bed. What should I plant in it?

  86. Trying not to be a helicopter mom. Mini-me got her driver’s license on Tuesday, drove herself to get a haircut today, also called to get her debit card set for the trip. Rocketboy is dealing with the Rolla rental house long distance.

    **looks for meme on adultier adult**

  87. Just long enough for Worker’s Comp to kick in, amirite?

  88. Man, when the current thread at the HQ regards tentacle hentai, it’s one of those days.

  89. Ruh Roh


  90. I have an adorable video of Moose up on Snapchat. Wish I could share it.

  91. It will definitely be a work comp. claim.

    I just feel really bad. I would for anyone, but this was the first female carpenter I’ve ever hired, and she was really eager to learn new skills and fit in.

  92. Ugh. That sucks all around then. I guess I’m so used to these things being shady I just naturally expect it. Instead it’s lose-lose-lose all around.

  93. do you have any snuff films from chicken killer/Oschi?

  94. If I didn’t take a picture of the dead-pitcher-chicken, why would I do snuff films?

  95. My little guy is convinced the road to riches lies in his YouTube channel. So far he has two videos of the dogs running around the yard chasing each other. It’s all shaky cam stuff with Star stopping mid film for a pee, ignoring his “Sit” commands and Rowan shaking the frisbee like a dead animal he’s trying to kill. Based on the number of views he calclulates he’s earned 7¢. He’s more excited about that theoretical earning than the money he gets for his A’s on his report card. Kid’s got a future. Maybe not on YouTube but somewhere!

  96. YT isn’t lucrative for most content providers anymore. All their SEO and monetization algos just changed pretty drastically, plus advertisers get to pick their content very directly now.

  97. Aww, that’s too bad Hotspur. Hope she gets better and jumps back on the horse.

  98. One guy I follow has 80k subs. He usually gets 30k views per video. He hasn’t broken even yet on camera equipment. The only way he’s in the black are sponsorships.

  99. Building another raised bed. What should I plant in it?

    Wait, no- butterhead lettuce! The little ones you can stuff whole?

  100. Didn’t feel a thing….regarding the earthquake that is…

  101. So the race car has working window wipers now, no washer though, previous owner removed it to run an after market air intake and didn’t reinstall. Today was a good weather day to try it out as a daily driver, but it is not starting after a trip to the grocery store after werk. It usually starts after it cools down a bit, so I’m sitting in a coffee shop with an iced vanilla latte, waiting for it to repent.

  102. So Comey is the POS we thought he was. A tool, doing small dick things, looking like a clown’s painted ass while doing it.

  103. Lets see if Jay can figure it out

  104. On topic, the music store where is used to work sold stuff called Gorilla Snot.

    We made an ad for it.

    President of the company saw that and contacted the store to tell us how much he loved that video and promised he would send us free stuff.

    Never happened though…

  105. E-mail convo re: Sunday BBQ between wiserbride and I:


    bud: I’ll alert the media. Oh… wait… you just did that.

    bride: aren’t we just so funny….

  106. >>>>Can you imagine if I got a job for one of the biggest booze manufacturers in the world and lived close to wiser and the Ws?

    Yes. I don’t care what they offer, you must take the job.

  107. I H8 the word moist! I H8 evaporative coolers that leave everything you touch moist. Carpet “Moist”. Towels “Moist”. Bedding “Moist”. I get up and turn off the swamp cooler because I’d rather be hot than “moist”

  108. >>>>because I’d rather be hot than “moist”


  109. *stern look*

    Wiser…MJ’s got a new wife, and even newer baby on the way. This…it would be wrong…to…distract….duty….family….HAAAA HA HA HAAA

    oh man, I couldn’t make it through the whole ruse

  110. Today is low hanging fruit day. In the bylaws.

  111. >>>>Can you imagine if I got a job for one of the biggest booze manufacturers in the world and lived close to wiser and the Ws?

    The ‘Drink of the week’ feature would happen every day, and take two hours. MJ’s employer would become WATR’s biggest advertiser.

  112. …but MJ would still somehow end up owing his employer money

  113. >>>This…it would be wrong…to…distract….duty….family….HAAAA HA HA HAAA


    They’re young. We need their tax dollars….

  114. >>>MJ’s employer would become WATR’s biggest advertiser.


  115. Wiser, I asked WiserGoddess for her compete, latest list of food allergies so I could plan what to bring this weekend.

    I’m really going to enjoy the Seedless Cucumber Luncheon. Raw cucumber meat makes me feel like such a primal SAVAGE.


    JUST KIDDING!! We’re also bringing lemons.

  116. It looks like Theresa May shit the bed. Hung Parliament.

  117. Cochinita Pibil came off early. Cooking bag started to vent out the top. We’ve never cooked in them at this temp before.

    I was getting ready to prep a new bag, when I noticed the roast was already falling apart in the first bag. So we just quit cooking.

    Tastes good. Tangy from the citrus. I used too much coriander. But it’s gonna be good in a wrap with pickled onions (or corn relish) and garden lettuce.

    12/10 would stuff into a lettuce leaf

  118. Sounds yummy lauraw! Oso loves pork!

  119. *holds hands with Oso on the bench at recess*

    *shares lettuce-wrapped pork*

    *ignores taunts about how I’m appropriating Mexican culture; but cries later, in private*

  120. The libs on facebook are already contemplating halting Brexit.

  121. Here in deepest, dark-blue Connecticut, I hear from far fewer lefties than redstate facebookers do.

  122. Lauraw, carne adovada is more mi cultura. Feel free to appropriate. BTW I didn’t really notice the difference between Ti leaves/no Ti leaves and Kalua pork.

  123. Well, purple state.

  124. I do live in a deep blue college town.

  125. We’ve been monitoring a patch behind Dan’s ear. Looked like excema. This week it took a turn. Dan called his dermatologist. My cousin. She was able to see him this afternoon. Waiting for pathology. She thought it looked like skin cancer, too. Worst thing about living in the high desert. Even worse than Swamp Coolers.

  126. Made it home. Thanks for all your concern, dicks.

    Tomorrow’s model was one of those shooting across the sky in a blaze of something sticky porn stars, she’s a dead ringer for Gillian Anderson if Skully would have liked having sex on camera with 3 or 4 dudes and a pony. I could find no family friendly video and few pictures that were presentable, but I know our crack research time will be researching crack soon enough.

  127. I have never heard of carne adovada!

    Awesome, a new thing to try!

  128. Lauraw, it is awesome. Straight or in a tortilla.

  129. Holy moly, hope Dan is okay. Sorry, didn’t see your last note before I replied, I was looking up recipes.

  130. “I have never heard of carne adovada!”

    What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of hick backwater do you live in?

  131. Lauraw, I’m sure he’ll be fine. Catch it early and cut it out is a family motto

  132. Ha ha ha haaa, Pepe!
    It’s quite a cultural backwater, indeed. And the other people here think they know everything.

    You guys just keep feeding me the great SW recipes, and we will all have a good laugh at all these assholes up here, lol.

  133. Lauraw, when you are in CO you should be able to buy lots of different types of chile. In grocery stores. Southeastern CO grows green chile that they believe is superior to Hatch. There are NM style restaurants as well. We tend to go to burger places in DEN. Steak & Shake. Culver’s.

  134. Yeah, I’m gonna look for seed packets, too!

    If we’re out together that weekend, you can order my meal for me, and show me what you’re talking about. Don’t kill me with heat, I’m a sriracha girl, at most!

  135. Reminds me of the time at TITS that I ordered Tushar’s first ever cow. The look on his face when he ate the first bite was priceless.

  136. That was you, HS?? OMG awesome


  138. Dan is looking up NM restaurants in Denver. We can do this!

  139. Jack n grill since you’ll be there before us

  140. It’s a date. I hope.

  141. I think it will be turnips. I’ll have to really bust ads tomorrow to get it done before Guard Weekend starts, though.

  142. Dan’s grandparents and great grands are buried in Denver. His great grand Gorton traveled west on an orphan train.

  143. Leon, check with DPRK News Service for tips on planting turnips.

  144. Co-worker from DR H8S Messicans. He H8s any and every moco de gorilla product

  145. He calls me Guacamola

  146. Is Dan a fish stick tycoon?

  147. trying to post from my phone is a chore… the friggen thing doesn’t like to refresh for some reason

    i thought you all were dead… i guess not

  148. Dang, I’m pretty close to going, if oso is ordering.

  149. Ok, have fun captioning this.

  150. So is there a plan for the meatup? Do I need to do anything?

    I’ve already stockpiled bullwhips.

  151. Darren’s estranged relatives panicked.

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