Tuesday Emergency Poat

Good morning boys, girls, and mares. The sun is shining, the birds are signing, the pollen is driving my allergies haywire. And I’m up earlier than I usually am because a friend in Spain texted me that she wanted to Skype, but now is nowhere to be seen online. Meh.

It’s another wonderful day in the neighborhood.

On Friday I went to see the Suicide Girls Blackheart Burlesque show in LA. It was… ok. I’m not a huge fan of overtatted girls with lots of piercings. And there were only about six performers in total who kept rotating through different acts. They tried too hard and focused way too much on parodying pop culture. There were acts with themes like Harry Potter, Thriller, Donnie Darko (?!) and of course, Disney princesses. Because we can’t have women getting naked without bringing Disney into it somehow. It’s a rule somewhere, I think. All in all, I probably wouldn’t go back for another show.

Today is the anniversery of the Doolittle raid on Japan. God rest those brave men. It’s also the anniversary of the United States Embassy bombing in Beirut.

Other events in history today
796 – King Æthelred I of Northumbria is murdered in Corbridge by a group led by his ealdormen, Ealdred and Wada. The patrician Osbald is crowned, but abdicates within 27 days.
1025 – Bolesław Chrobry is crowned in Gniezno, becoming the first King of Poland.
1506 – The cornerstone of the current St. Peter’s Basilica is laid.
1518 – Bona Sforza is crowned as queen consort of Poland.
1521 – Trial of Martin Luther begins its second day during the assembly of the Diet of Worms. He refuses to recant his teachings despite the risk of excommunication.
1689 – Bostonians rise up in rebellion against Sir Edmund Andros.
1738 – Real Academia de la Historia (“Royal Academy of History”) is founded in Madrid.
1775 – American Revolution: The British advancement by sea begins; Paul Revere and other riders warn the countryside of the troop movements.
1831 – The University of Alabama is founded in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
1847 – American victory at the battle of Cerro Gordo opens the way for invasion of Mexico.
1857 – “The Spirits Book” by Allan Kardec is published, marking the birth of Spiritualism in France.
1864 – Battle of Dybbøl: A Prussian-Austrian army defeats Denmark and gains control of Schleswig. Denmark surrenders the province in the following peace settlement.
1897 – The Greco-Turkish War is declared between Greece and the Ottoman Empire.
1899 – The St. Andrew’s Ambulance Association is granted a Royal Charter by Queen Victoria.
1902 – The 7.5 Mw Guatemala earthquake shakes Guatemala with a maximum Mercalli intensity of VIII (Severe), killing between 800–2,000.
1906 – An earthquake and fire destroy much of San Francisco, California.
1909 – Joan of Arc is beatified in Rome.
1912 – The Cunard liner RMS Carpathia brings 705 survivors from the RMS Titanic to New York City.
1915 – French pilot Roland Garros is shot down and glides to a landing on the German side of the lines during World War I.

This is all content you get. You pay tab if you want more content.

Go forth and kick ass. I will be over here reading about financial regulation and wishing I’d made better life choices. Like selling cocaine.


  1. Too lazy to copy paste from old poat

    Tax Day is really here

  2. I did my taxes back in February.

  3. Me too. Filed Federal immediately to get the return, sent Michigan a check last week.

  4. Paid to both US Treasury and State. No worries about a claim being made by an imposter to pay my taxes again this year

  5. The Postmaster at my small town PO is a generally jovial guy and today as he stamped my returns he said with a big smile “Ah yeah, tax time! Gives you a good feeling, huh?” The irony of me paying his salary is not lost on him I believe

  6. Heh, better life choices. Yeah, that was an adjustment.

  7. That reminds me, I should probably change my withholding.

  8. Every year my accountant suggests I change my withholding in order to get a refund or else pay anticipated payments quarterly. What I tell her every year is that I put some money from my paycheck automatically into my credit union that is relatively hard to access. I don’t have an ATM card or checkbook for the account and need to physically enter the bank to get a cashier’s check. It sort of builds up in the background and is useful for expected and unexpected major expenses. Totally unlike my regular checking account that I have an ATM/Debit card, checkbook and many many monthly automatic withdrawals. That one works like a rented mule and needs regular double checking to keep me above sea level.

  9. As far as the “better life choices” link, the first part applied to me but for unknown reasons some kind of recessive Work Your Ass Off Studying gene got activated when I went to college. I was more surprised at my willingness to work hard to get good grades than anyone. I coasted through high school by listening to the teacher and simultaneously reading the books during class. There were a couple of speed bumps along the way (I’m looking at you junior year science fair project and algebra 2 honors) but it was pretty easy sledding for 4 years through high school.

  10. I’m waiting for MJ to show up and throw some shade on the baby-like crying over Trump’s tax returns.

    Three weeks ago: RUSSIA!!!
    Two weeks ago: SYRIA CRUISE MISSILES!!!
    This week: TRUMP’S TAXES!!!

    Seriously, nothing on NPR but endless stories about Trump’s taxes. Can’t they see the similarity between that and JEF’s birth certificate? Everyone who asked about the weird circumstances for that was labelled a conspiracy theorist. Now asking where his taxes are is speaking truth to power.

  11. B-b-b-ut….Obama released his birth certificate.

  12. Have y’all seen Chocolate Jesus’ Columbia transcript? Or his Harvard Law transcript?

    Me neither.

  13. You mean the application to Columbia in which he listed himself as Kenyan, in order to qualify as an exchange student?

    Or the application for affirmative action preferences?

    Or the same things at Harvard four years later?

    Or the complete lack of any publication as President of the Harvard Law Review?

    Or did you just mean his grades?

  14. Facebook asshole is dead.

  15. Can someone please sum up this post with a picture? There’s no way I can read all of that gibberish.


    Your mom likes this.

  17. Unfortunately, Facebook lives on.

  18. Heh, so Sean Spicer is a Commander in the Navy Reserves. Nice!

  19. New term: TURD

  20. This picture sums it up pretty well, MJ:

  21. Or this one.

  22. Any more questions?

    I’m happy to be of service.

  23. Summation


  24. Just finished conversation with friend in Spain.

    Conclusion: She needs to get away from her crazy family, from Spanish culture, and settle down and make babies.

  25. That first picture of the woman who will never be president always makes me think she just sharted.

  26. And in the second picture she’s thinking, “Well, nothing I can do about it now. Last time I get to wear this pantsuit.”

  27. Alex, when is she moving in with you?

  28. Leon,

    I wish. If I was out that way I’d take a shot.

  29. Fortune favors the bold.

  30. Another thing that’s pissing me off: How can Trump’s trips to Mar a Lago cost as much as Obama’s vacations, when he owns the damn place? Also, he owns the golf course he’s meeting heads of state on. Obama owns ZERO golf courses.

  31. I can’t imagine a golf course is a good investment these days, unless it’s aimed exclusively at the millionaire set.

  32. Like the Luxury Bus Line

  33. Middle class doesn’t golf as much as it used to. Or bowl. Or play bridge, for that matter.

  34. Can’t make money on disc golf, most of those are in state parks.

  35. Disc golf? You some sort of hippie?

  36. It’s kind of sad. Years ago I was at a fellow officer’s house for dinner. It was him, his wife, myself, and a friend of his. He and the friend spent the evening on the couch playing Call of Duty while his annoyed wife played WoW upstairs. I excused myself and went home.

    I’m not an introvert. I need interaction with honest to God live people. Unfortunately my friends all want to just sit around and play Cards Against Humanity and watch movies.

  37. It’s gonna be a lost generation, CoAl. People unable to interact with others. Girls tell me about their boyfriends just sitting around getting stoned/playing video games all day. It’s their fault. I wouldn’t put out if that’s what my husband did all day.

  38. Car in,

    I see people my age or younger out swing dancing, but that’s about it.

    Tango groups are all middle aged or older.

    I sit all day in class or in front of a computer. Why would I want to do more of that after work or school?

  39. I can barely stand to do it long enough to work right now. Really burned out.

  40. Jam2, good job on the turd polishing links. And I LOVED the TURD acronym, Jay.

  41. Haaahhha the stupid Hillary pictures. You guys are on your game today.

  42. I can barely stand to do it long enough to work right now. Really burned out.


    Your weiner?

  43. I sit all day in class or in front of a computer. Why would I want to do more of that after work or school?

    When I was a young filly, Pat and his buds used to get together and have basketball games out in the driveway. Or they’d have late-name gaming sessions (board games). I’m not against video gaming or even having friends over to do it . I’m just against that BEING ALL THERE IS.

  44. Same here. I don’t mind CAH or a movie once in a while, but let’s go to the Getty, or go out dancing, or listen to jazz somewhere in town. Or even go to the range one afternoon.

  45. PacMan et al came out while I was in college. Of course it was the arcade version so you had to go somewhere to do it. The hook it up to your tv version was still a couple of years off.

    My roommate would spend almost all of his spending money on video games. I thought that was borderline immoral. I tried it a time or three but just couldn’t figure out what big attraction was. I still don’t see what the big attraction is. I do have a version of pocket tanks on my phone for when I’m in an airplane and can’t get internet, which is about 3-4 times per year.

  46. A friend in college use to spend $$ playing space invaders. I never had the coins to spare.

  47. No Mare, my weiner is well rested and ready. Its the staring at screens and dealing with idiots I’m burning out on.

  48. Oooooh, gotcha, Leon. Do the 3 of you ever take a vacation? Away, no worries. I don’t think I’ve heard you mention one. Schedules not simpatico?

  49. I’ve never played video games, really don’t understand the appeal. The thought of having to play a board game makes me shudder in horror.

  50. We took a week off last July when F*rd made me, and we drove to VA so I could meet with my now-boss. We did other vacation-y things, but the purpose of the trip was getting this job.

    And I love the job, we do cool stuff and the pay and location (home) are awesome, but we need to fire this customer at some point.

  51. I always thought my lack of interest in video games was generational. I was a kid when Pong came out and our parents bought it for us and I soon tired of it. It was more fun playing air hockey at the Y where they had a couple of full size tables. My younger brother who was 5-1/2 years younger than me got to enjoy better games when they came out and played more of them than I ever did. I still remember my nephew who is in his mid 20’s now lamenting the summer he lost by playing Guitar Hero nearly all day, every day except when at swim practice.

  52. I like video games in the dead of winter. That’s about the only time anymore. Beat WoW after it almost killed me.

  53. Someone named Mohamed engaged in a “Random Act of Violence™” in Fresno, using a .357 Mag…

  54. Sounds like a typical Calvinist.

  55. never got the video game thing –

  56. “Mohamed engaged in a “Random Act of Violence™” i”

    heh – go figure

    and i’m a hater – so they say

  57. btw – nice job on the poat colex –

  58. chrispy – did mohamie get a random/racist act of lead to his head yet?

  59. jam2,
    Nope, arrested…

  60. bummer

  61. i denounce myself

  62. No, it is a bummer, Jam. Now he has a platform to spew and we have to pay for it.

  63. That wasn’t a real muslim. That was a black supremist BLM type. And his selection of victims was purely racially motivated. Lets hope he gets to meet his counterparts (the aryran brotherhood) in prison. Those types are made for eachother.

  64. Have they ever reported the religion of the Facebook asshole?

  65. Hi fellators!

  66. WooHoo! I fixed my logins!!!! I had a little help.

  67. Pun Puppy is back!

  68. Wimmin need regular injections of sperm. It’s for their health.

  69. Your mom likes to go down to the biker bar for her “needle exchange”.

  70. Look how unhealthy Cankles is.

  71. That’s why lesbians are fat.

  72. Yeah, lesbians should be quarantined. They are not current on their vaccinations.

    They’re anti vaxers.

  73. Whoa.

    Hold on a second. The fake, hot, lesbian while drunk chicks can stay.

  74. My friend’s step-mom is pregnant. Friend is 31, so her dad has to be mid fifties. Step-mom is probably late forties.

  75. I stocked a puzzle map of the US today. New Mexico has a sombrero wearing Messican napping against a saguaro. NEW MEXICO DOESN’T have saguaros!!!

  76. My uncle just turned 65. His 3rd wife is Colombian and 46. His 2 kids with her are in elementary school. His son from first wife turns 41 in July.

  77. Erin is mormon, Lorena is messican from Juarez.

    They live in Germany.

  78. NEW MEXICO DOESN’T have saguaros!!!

    “Dan, why is your wife sputtering and pointing and stamping her feet?”

    “I don’t know. Just ignore her.”

  79. Actually, Dan is aware of my misplaced saguaro rants. He bought me a tee from Old Navy that had a saguaro and Albuquerque. Yellow. I never wear yellow. Makes me look like a corpse.

  80. You do have roadrunners and coyotes…right?

  81. Yes. We have both. Roadrunners are not 3 ft tall and purple. Beep beep

  82. Evening Hostages.

    So. Finally. Signed all the paperwork and closed on the house today.

  83. Good luck with that.

  84. All said and done. But thanks.

  85. Yay, bcoch!!! I still think you should’ve bypassed the Yulee apartment and rented from Tush. SitCom idea!!!

  86. Closing is done.

    I was referring to the rest of it.

  87. Ahhh! Gotcha Scott. Thank you! Gonna be stuck in this apt for far too long with the Drunken Midgets. But the payoff is well worth it.


  88. Evening.

  89. Today I died of crush trauma. Then I got better.

  90. Evening.

  91. A fat Mexican dropped a large manhole on my foot.

    Me: Ow! Fuck! UP! UP!

    Mexican:. Up? It going down.


  92. Fat Mexican is a BIRM.

  93. Bands ruin meetups.

    Kill them dead.

    Did you see Laura’s words?

  94. Fat Dachshund is also a BIRM. Dan has yelled at Mare twice this week. She has been fed 3X today. Starving. We call MaryAnn “Mare” not to be confused with Mare. Dachshund Mare is not Mare-Mare

  95. Bands kill meetups dead?

  96. Yes. Morons prefer to visit and bands are loud. I could listen to H2 stories all night.

  97. Bcoch,
    Where did you buy?

  98. Yeah, at the first TITS meatup, there was the bar that was WAY too loud. Can’t read Vmax’s lips with the big mustache.

  99. Yulee. MC3P0 put his money on bcoch and Yulee.

  100. So the mothership has a Saturday night movie thread. Still learning who to listen to and who to ignore. (Pretty well figured that out for the Sunday book thread.) I watched “Burn After Reading”, thinking that I liked “O Brother, Where Art Thou”, this Coen Brothers film might be good despite the ratings on Netflix. It sucked. I guess it was worth it for Brad Pitt cavorting in a gym and getting punched in the face, but that was about it.

  101. Looks like a runoff in GA, depending on how many boxes of ballots the Dems find.

  102. Just got back from London. My days/nights are still a bit messed up.

    On my day off I went to the Churchill War Rooms.


    Very cool. Also beers were drank.

    Landing today at Chicago was dicey, 30 kt crosswinds. We lived and i put it down like a butterfly kissing a feather.

  103. Have a few days off. It’s kinda weird, one of the wife’s best friends is in town from Chicago.

    May be just me and the youngest phatspawn for dinner for a couple of days.

    Which is fine. I just partied in London with friends, it’s her turn.

  104. Roamie,

    you didn’t like “Oh Brother”?

    The scenes that reflect Greek myths alone made me laugh.

    And the soundtrack was awesome.

  105. Party at Phathouse!

  106. *revvs ATV*

    *Crashes into Car in’s deck*

  107. Seriously,

    We need another STL meatup.

    Or a meat up any where.

    Back when I was flying stateside I got to meet so many awesome morons: tushar, xbrad, geoff, gabe, sean, xbrad, wiserbud, coalex,, Cyn , Dave, Russ in Winterset, Theresa and Paul and Roamie.

    Cathy and the late Michael and Lippy.

    And of course, Rosetta.

    Too many to remember.

    Life is short and we have lost some awesome people over the last couple of years.

    We need to do a meat up, just to see who is still alive and celebrate those we have lost.


  108. Cyn,

    If you’re lurking, I’m voting for Phoenix.

    Looking forward to meeting Oso and Dan.

  109. I know they’re in ABQ, but that’s a pain in the ass to get to.

    PHX works better.

  110. Just something to fire you up.

  111. And of course, my next ex-wife singing an awesome song:

  112. Duh,” Edmund replied, petulantly.

  113. So long Aaron Hernandez

  114. I guess winning a jury trial over yet another killing didn’t take away the sting of your former team going to the WH to celebrate yet another SB victory that you, theoretically, could have been a part of (unlikely given the number of years and NFL free agency but still possible)

  115. Jimbro, a guy with a 40 million dollar contract makes the decision to kill someone because the pull of his thug life is stronger than the opportunities to travel and live like a king.

    He chose poorly.

  116. Does Phat know there is a meat-up this summer?

  117. Laptop being persnickety this morning, but there is HHD.


  118. And Phat, I did like “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”. That’s why I gave “Burn Before Reading” a chance.

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