MMM On Thursday

(Mountain Man Monday). You did it. You made me order a copy of The Revenant. I’m a big fan of the movie Jeremiah Johnson as well as the TV series Grizzly Adams. That movie and the show came out in my youth when camping in a canvas tent seemed like great fun. As Boy Scouts we averaged about 5 outdoor tent camp outs a year with one winter camp out in a heated cabin and a week at summer camp. We had very few organized activities aside from a morning and evening flag ceremony and mostly just roamed the woods emulating mountain men we saw on TV. In Southeastern Massachusetts  there was more scrub oak and pitch pine than aspen and Bristlecone pine typically found out west in the mountains. Didn’t matter. You find your mountain where you are dammit.

One of you fockers linked this some years back and every once in a while I find the theme song playing in my head

There’s a few more Guy On A Buffalo videos and they’re mercifully short. The concept is funny but there’s only so much funny about a guy on a buffalo once you get past the sheer ridiculousness of it at all.

We used to try and light camp fires using primitive means such as flint and steel. A couple of kids had these flint and steel sets that actually worked under the right conditions.

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After futzing around for a half hour and finally getting the fire going I realized I’d be a lot like the dude in Jack London’s “To Build A Fire” if the SHTF.

We ate mostly conventional foods like baloney and cheese, cereal and milk, Pop Tarts, etc but the rule was that dinner had to be hot and cooked on a camp fire. It’s a wonder we didn’t suffer food poisoning. That was before the golden age of beef jerky so we didn’t have jerky or pemmican or hardtack biscuits.

euvjixv

Another thing mountain men seemed to do a lot was meet and greet (feather) Indians. It was really tough to tell whether they’d be friends or enemies in advance on the shows. For the civilization that ruled the country before the white man arrived they sure sucked at fighting the mountain men. Sure, there’d be a ruthless attack where they killed their families or left them with a flesh wound. But in the end, the mountain man would reign supreme over the hills.

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UPDATE: I finally figured out wtf Hotspurt and Mare were going on about when they were discussing “LOTM” and it wasn’t Ladies Ovaries That Menstruate (at least I think they weren’t discussing that). Yes, Last Of The Mohicans. I bet the Indians do some actual fighting in that one. A great novel (written by a white man…mais oui!) named James Fenimore Cooper. Great movie but I haven’t seen it in ages. I’ll need to add that to my wish list. Will you people STOP discussing interesting shit? My mind is like a squirrel after spending time here and I feel like I need to jump on the sous vide train too!

 

Alright, enough work. Time to hit the showers!

 

167 Comments

  1. SKITTLEFART !!!!

  2. Protein farts are a thing. I don’t eat skittles so I can’t speak authoritatively to their existence or mythicality.

  3. The Most Interesting Man In The World.

  4. Flint and steel worked with dryer lint. cuz that just exists in the woods

  5. That flint and steel kit cracks me up. A rock, piece of steel bar and a canvas pouch with some frayed rope in it. The heat tabs didn’t come with it. I could always get it to spark but the sparks went everywhere but the little pile of tinder I had carefully prepared.

    We tried magnifying glasses, battery and steel wool and the old bow and stick in a board routine.

  6. I’ve started exactly 1 fire with flint, steel, and dry leaves. The propane torch that part-times as the pilot light for Mostly Peaceful Protest is much easier.

  7. I love that at least 48% of the population has ANOTHER reason to hate and disrespect John McCain.

  8. You guys make me want to stock up on matches in airtight containers.

  9. Bic lighters and carry Trioxane in the winter. That stuff will light in a pouring rain. Bic lighters won’t spark if they get wet, though.

  10. wakey wakey.

    Snow day again – for ice or something, but looking out the door I don’t know WTF they are talking about.

  11. Oh, we used matches too, stored in the official Boy Scout match container. It was just part of learning other ways to start a fire. Near the end of my Scouting days they came out with the newer kind of fire striker like this one

    https://is.gd/RinxYM

    There’s a lot of versions of those now and they make it easy to create a shower of sparks right where you need them.

  12. Read the article: Trump Throws a Brushback Pitch at Ace’s sidebar.

    No question our intelligence community is compromised. Talk about draining the swamp.

  13. I think I gave that one to my husband and daughters, Jimbro.

  14. jimbro and leon”
    http://tinyurl.com/h6dkqky

  15. this one is kinda neat:
    http://tinyurl.com/jhu4m56

  16. Looks like Jimbro was in Scouts the same time I was.

    Self lighting propane torches? Luxury!

  17. Huh, I didn’t know WD-40 was flammable but I also never thought about before!

  18. You went through Scouts and didn’t know the WD40 trick?

    Let me introduce you to hair spray…

  19. http://tinyurl.com/mtb7y88

  20. time to work

  21. I went to Scouts on a military base, with all the deviants, evidently.

  22. Heh. Now my mom is posting Shep Smith articles. HA ha ha …

  23. Oh, we used spray cans at home and my older brother was quite inventive with gunpowder salvaged from 22LR rounds smuggled from summer camp (just a penny per bullet!) and match heads scraped into powder for pyrotechnics.

    For cotton ball firestarters we used petroleum jelly but that was pretty messy so it didn’t get widely used.

  24. mare, thanks for pointing out that article.

    Trump’s behavior is typical for a successful businessman. You sometimes have no idea what the hell they are thinking, but in the end it works. and works well. Almost like they had it planned all along, even though it didn’t look like they did.

  25. Shep Smith has articles? Where?

  26. My thoughts exactly. Shep, a writer of news?

  27. He can’t go anywhere to get news without wetting his pants.

  28. No articles about Shep SMith being OUTRAGED about Trump. It’s in Huffpoo so no link.

  29. Hey ladies, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching!

    http://sayitwithbeef.com/

  30. As Hotspur would say, and probably has, Shep Smith is the poster boy for being a c*nt.

  31. jam2’s 12:25 link last night is killing me! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, hilarious.

  32. Happy Birthday, Chief!

  33. Ah! Laura’s here! It’s a New Yorker link but the cartoon is funny and I know you’re into the topic it covers

    http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-life-changing-magic-of-decluttering-in-a-post-apocalyptic-world

  34. Happy Birthday, MCPO!!! Miss you.

  35. Regardless of your thoughts on Trump, he has continually out manouvered the Dems, press, the GOP and the intelligence agencies.

  36. There’s a lot of wisdom in that article, Jimbro, thanks. The blunderbuss was a nice touch.

  37. Dog update: Have not heard dog barking since initial incident. Did notice the neighbor right next to dog owner chatting with new neighbor the day of the nonstop barking. Glad I got to keep my hands clean on this one.

    Also:COCK!

  38. Guess you can take that gallon of antifreeze and put it back in the garage, mare.

  39. Done and done, jay.

  40. It’s a frickin elephant!

  41. For cotton ball firestarters we used petroleum jelly but that was pretty messy so it didn’t get widely used.

    That fruit is hanging way to low for someone as suave as me to harvest. So who’s up for crafting a good joke about Jay’s mom?

  42. Even as I was typing the words my spidey sense was tingling about just that PG

  43. Eric Berry is Making the Chiefs Believe, and He’s Probably Why You Should Too

    One of my favorite Chiefs, and players in general.

    We’re supposed to be here. Quite an outlook.

  44. Drudge reports that “Stevie Wonder serenades Michelle O”

    Of course he does. The guy is fucking blind.

  45. Hahhhha, Tushar!

  46. They say that Ray Charles used to feel a woman up to determine whether she was attractive enough to be his arm candy. I wouldn’t recommend that to Stevie. He might just pull back a bloody stump.

  47. I hate you all so much I’m going to start talking about garden stuff.

    I’m drying pumpkin seeds for Laura right now. They are almost ready, I de-fleshed them yesterday.

  48. How do you deflesh pumpkin seeds?

  49. I’m planning to dramatically expand the pumpkin patch next year. Probably 2 more mounds. The location isn’t perfect, but it’s isolated enough that I think they will breed true.

  50. At one time I thought your mom would breed true. Turns out not so much.

  51. it’s isolated enough that I think they will breed true.

    gross.

  52. Mare, it’s a staged thing. First, you pull all the big orange stringy stuff off, then you lay them out on a towel to dry. Next day, come back and rub the remaining flesh off each seed, should just crackle and fall away. If I were going to roast them they are ready now, but they are going to sit out until Saturday to be mailed.

  53. *imagines pumpkin seeds lined up perfectly in a grid pattern

  54. Do I really come off this autistic/ocd?

    Fudge that, man, they are arranged in a single layer and spaced out a little for airflow. Gridding? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  55. I defleshed your mom

    Ok, that sounds weird

  56. Leon, one of my kids is on the Autism spectrum and my wife is always looking for signs and behaviors that might point to further issues.
    So, one of the signs is kids wanting to line up stuff, toys etc.

    So my wife sees two toy cars next to each other in the play area and freaks out that he has lined them up.
    I had to point out that the very definition of a line is the shortest distance between two points, so two toys will always be in a line.

    I think I should take her to a therapist too.

  57. JEFFREY DAHMER, LINE 1!!!!!

    Tushar wishes to speak with you.

  58. I had to point out that the very definition of a line is the shortest distance between two points, so two toys will always be in a line.

    did she punch you in the junk? cuz that’s how you get punched in the junk.

  59. I used to have a lot more of the behaviors – more neuroses generally – but most of it is gone now. I wouldn’t have OCD’d about seeds, I think, but who knows.

    A look at my desk would disabuse anyone of the idea that I obsess about arranging things.

  60. Leon’s all better now….not like before…..

  61. I sent some seeds to your mom.

  62. Or is it seed?

  63. Yeah, I think it’s seed.

  64. I sent some seed to your mom.

  65. Leon’s all better now….not like before…..

    Series of life-changing events, my man.

  66. A document has come across my desk that says Michelle gave Hillary the “shocker.”

  67. Oschi has a peremptory thing. She’s kinda been grunting like a pig for a bit, then appear more congested, but still energy, etc. Not sick like at all. The vet said most dogs just manage to kick it on their own, but since she’s had it for a bit, there may be a secondary infection.

    So, she’s on antibiotics.

    NOW she doesn’t feel so hot. Probably us petting her tummy a bit.

  68. respiratory. I don’t know how that other word appeared up there.

  69. A document has come across my desk that says Michelle gave Hillary the “shocker.”

    Get that shit to the FBI now!!

  70. Oschi needs some probiotics. Or, in her case, probiotischis

  71. Star had facial swelling last weekend on the left side of her face. Paula took her to the vet Monday morning and they found a cracked tooth. Presumably an abscess and swelling as a result. She’s on clindamycin and back to her usual self: barking at me every time I move and hoarding shoes and clothing in her crate.

  72. your dog ever bite you, jimbro? just curious.

  73. Star acts like I’m an intruder. Barks every time I move. When I come in the room at night and sit down to take my socks off she escalates. God forbid the sock turn inside out and I shake it to get it right side out. She barks even louder with that. Sometimes I’ll lean over the couch to give Paula a hug and kiss and she barks something fierce and commando crawls toward us. As soon as I pet her she’s calm and quiet. The second I take my hand away she barks again. Weirdo.

    Rowan walks around behind me everywhere I go. He play bites when we wrestle with him but has never bit bit anyone but Star. She has a little divot out of her ear from a tussle they got into a while back.

  74. Right now she’s in the very corner of the room, behind a dog bed, resting her head on the bed and staring at me. When I get up in a little bit she’ll almost certainly bark at me.

  75. Mixed feelings about this. Very inspiring life story about an All-American young woman choosing to serve but I have reservations about mixed M/F in front line combat infantry units.

    http://taskandpurpose.com/born-russian-prison-became-us-marine-infantry-next/

    Even the Corp’s own studies showed they were less efficient. Of course the studies are labelled as “flawed” by critics of all male units.

    http://www.marines.mil/News/News-Display/Article/617047/integrated-task-force-summary-released/

  76. Putting women on the front lines is political only. It’s a terrible idea in every other way. The only reason to do it is that you’ve run out of men or if you’ve all got Iron Man armor.

  77. If she can pass it without special qualification rules, more power to her.

  78. So, Stevie Wonder serenades Michelle O.

    God appears. He is impressed with his heartfelt song, and says, “Stevie, your song has touched my heart. I am going to grant you vision, so you can look at the woman you serenaded”

    And with a flash of light, Stevie can see! He gawks at Michelle, speechless.

    After a minute, he turns to God, thanks him and asks if he can have one more wish?

    Sure, Stevie. I am in a good mood today.

    And Stevie says, God, can you please take away my vision and make me fucking blind again?

  79. Good grief, that sappy fucking video of Mooch getting her dick sucked by a wave of sycophant twatwaffles is unwatchable.

    When will the Obamas be gone for good, so we don’t have to watch them stroke their egos like a chimp in the zoo masturbating in front of the kids?

  80. You might say that avoiding having your captured soldiers being raped to death would be an issue, but given our most recent foe, I’d say men are more in danger of teh cock than are women.

  81. Troop effectiveness will suffer even if she can pull her weight. Men will be nicer to her than they would a man, it destroys needed hierarchy and discipline. Also, men can’t have babies.

  82. I get that, leon. But she also won’t get past the qualifying without special circumstances, I’ll bet.

  83. I read some study that the top 1% of physically fit women can match only the average (has to be not far from 50 percentile) male.

    Think about it for a second. All her fanatic fitness, and Carin can only barely kick my dormant, flabby ass.

  84. I’m putting my money on Car in in that one.

  85. Jay, Carin’s strongest weapon is that she can run away and I will never be able to catch her.

    My strongest weapon is that if I somehow manage to knock her down, all I have to do is sit on her back and she won’t be able to move.

  86. One of the main problems with women doing this is how much faster than men their bodies break down from carrying the heavy loads while rucking, which is a big part of the job.

  87. Paul Anka is still alive?

  88. I just read the abstract but the same findings occur here in the US

    http://militarymedicine.amsus.org/doi/pdf/10.7205/MILMED.170.8.710

  89. Hotspur does NOT get a shirt.

  90. Even after comparing absolute strength, there’s a substantial difference in neural kinetics. Men are, well, not exactly “faster”, but it’s easier for us to turn off inhibitor cells that slow movements. It’s part of why we are less graceful on the dance floor, but generally throw faster punches, even at the same size.

  91. All her fanatic fitness, and Carin can only barely kick my dormant, flabby ass.

    Truth. I work out like a fiend to barely get to the level of a man who doesn’t work out.

  92. To be fair, he DOES have to haul his fat ass around all day.

  93. it’s easier for us to turn off inhibitor cells that slow movements. It’s part of why we are less graceful on the dance floor, but generally throw faster punches, even at the same size.

    It’s also part of why we don’t have to be sloppy drunk to initiate teh sexy time.

  94. The calendar on the wall behind me says new moon tonight.

    It was full last night.

    Stupid calendar.

  95. >>To be fair, he DOES have to haul his fat ass around all day.

    To be fair, I am just sitting around on my huge ass most of the time, unless I am taking a nap, when I am lying down.

  96. Holy shit, Paul Anka?

    Ace’s dick must be ready to create peace in the Middle East by now.

  97. >>Ace’s dick must be ready to create peace in the Middle East by now.

    By January 20, even his dick will ask for a cigarette.

  98. Paul Anka singing “My Way”

    Troll Level: Supreme Galactic Overlord.

  99. In 500 years, MurKhan Emperors shall wear a crown of golden fibers in honor of D’Nald, first of the line, for reasons lost to history…

  100. Make MurKahn Great Again™

  101. From the HQ:

    Speaking of beehives, does anyone else remember French Twists? My mom could do a beautiful French Twist.

    I’d like you all to know that I think I dislocated something restraining myself from responding. You’ve ruined me.

  102. You should have. The HQ always enjoys a good mom joke.

  103. My mom could do a beautiful French Twist.

    For only $100!

  104. Not my favorite hairstyle, but okay.

  105. Ok, everyone check on your moms.

  106. The Pentacostal pouf is sexeh.

  107. I hope you’re kidding.

  108. Here’s a pouf for you

    https://is.gd/norJa0

  109. Nope.

  110. It’s my secret shame. I’ve prayed for God to cure me of this affliction, so I can have normal healthy urges, like fucking Muppets. But still I bear this burden.

  111. Jimbro, it’s nice to see your dad recognized with a doll.

  112. Bob was a pioneer!

    http://thechive.com/2009/01/08/gay-bob-doll-8-photos/

  113. It’s my secret shame. I’ve prayed for God to cure me of this affliction, so I can have normal healthy urges, like fucking Muppets. But still I bear this burden.

    Pray. Harder. Like, a novena or something.

    Srsly though, for me it’s pigtails and braids. Might as well be kryptonite.

  114. Pigtails and braids are good as well. Especially with long hair. I love any hair style that shows off the curve of her neck.

  115. “Comment by leoncaruthers on January 12, 2017 6:59 pm

    It’s my secret shame. I’ve prayed for God to cure me of this affliction, so I can have normal healthy urges, like fucking Muppets. But still I bear this burden.

    Pray. Harder. Like, a novena or something.

    Srsly though, for me it’s pigtails and braids. Might as well be kryptonite.
    Comment by Colorado Alex In Exile on January 12, 2017 7:09 pm

    Pigtails and braids are good as well. Especially with long hair. I love any hair style that shows off the curve of her neck.”

    wtf happened to this place!!!!???

  116. I know, right?

    It’s like soft-core non-porn.

  117. I also figure: the higher the hair, the louder she’ll moan when you stick a finger up her butt.

  118. I have sensitive ears, maybe that’s why it’s a turn off for me.

  119. Oh wait, “moan”. I read that as “scream”.

  120. No, screaming is what she does when you whisper in her ear that her sister is better.

  121. I also figure: the higher the hair, the louder she’ll moan when you stick a finger up her butt.
    —-
    I’ve always thought it was if she had a tight bun

  122. We’re having the January Thaw. It’s 48 degrees out there and most of the snow has melted from close to 2 days of rain. Most of the ice is off the driveway and my pup is happy to be back to chasing frisbees.

  123. That’s ending soon.

  124. Oh yeah. Back to freezing temps this weekend. I’d rather have the ground frozen this time of year. It makes for a messy driveway (crushed asphalt) and a dog pen that resembles a swamp.

  125. A bee from my hive took a cleansing flight yesterday and got fooled into staying out too long. It was clinging to the screen this morning.

  126. I’ve been waiting to use this all day but haven’t found the right situation

    https://is.gd/n1ZDfr

  127. I upgraded my block heater to 150 watts.

    It fired right up when it was 4 degrees. Hooray!

  128. Rocketboy is headed back to MO on Sunday. Weather’s not looking too good.

  129. Spent the day with Dad and his wife. It was a really nice day. Portuguese food and good conversation.

  130. Moved into my new office today.

    Yes, I have an office again.

    This is getting very real.

  131. Congrats, Wiserbud!
    Very cool…

  132. 81 here today. But the high is only mid 60s for next for next week. Bunker down.


  133. Moved into my new office today.
    Yes, I have an office again.
    This is getting very real.

    Have you been blown by a chubby intern yet?

  134. Roamy, can Rocketboy leave a day or two earlier? I know it’s less time to visit, but it might ease your mind about bad travel conditions :-)

  135. Must have missed something, Wiser – why the new office? (And how exciting!)

  136. Hey Jimbro, have you ever heard of this? I never heard of heather honey before. http://www.saveur.com/scotland-heather-honey

  137. “Moved into my new office today.”

    Does it have an ice machine?

    It needs an ice machine.

  138. >>>It needs an ice machine.

    Give me time…..

    TiF, I’m taking over as the full-time host of the midday show, starting Monday.

  139. >>>Have you been blown by a chubby intern yet?

    He wasn’t that chubby….

  140. I’m thinking that a wine fridge might be better than an ice machine.

    Midday show and all that, yannow.

  141. I’m still trying to work out how book publishers are going to get the cocaine packets to not fall out of the jackets when my producer opens the envelope.

  142. >>>>He wasn’t that chubby….

    Look, it’s AM radio.

    You take what you can get these days…

  143. You.

    On cocaine.

    *calls CT National Guard*
    *calls Marine Corps*
    *calls Aquaman*
    *Calls Green Hornet, Cato, Superman, Batman, The Hulk, Lex Luthor…

  144. “Comment by wiserbud on January 12, 2017 10:06 pm

    >>>Have you been blown by a chubby intern yet?

    He wasn’t that chubby….”

    son of BE OTCH

    HAHAHAHHAAAAAA

    that’s got funny

  145. http://tinyurl.com/kpzen4a

  146. Cool beans, wiser!

  147. >>>*calls CT National Guard*
    *calls Marine Corps*
    *calls Aquaman*
    *Calls Green Hornet, Cato, Superman, Batman, The Hulk, Lex Luthor…

    Pshaw.

    Now if you suggested calling the USPS workers….

    Well, guaranteed Dave wouldn’t have my back…

    Learned that lesson the hard way.

  148. best of luck my tranny brotha froma notha motha

  149. >>>>Cool beans, wiser!

    Extremely cool.

    I went to a town hall meeting last night and while waiting for the event to start, I heard a very familiar voice speaking behind me.

    It was just a guy talking to another guy, but when they stopped, I asked one of them “is your name Dave?”

    He looked shocked and then said “yes?”

    I reached out and introduced myself. And he was blown away.

    He is a regular caller to my old show. As well as a regular listener to the station.

    “OMG! Congratulations and good luck on the new show!! So great to meet you!!”

    It was really cool.

  150. >>>>best of luck my tranny brotha froma notha motha

    On the radio, no one knows your a tranny

  151. “On the radio, no one knows your a tranny”

    that’s an awesome book tittle

  152. + or – hotspurts insertions

  153. change of pace comment –

    i’m taking my Dad to Mt. Sinai in NYC in the morning to try to get him enrolled in a phase 1 or 2 trial for his particular cancer regimen … your prayers would be appreciated
    Love y’all

  154. Jam…

    Not a big prayer, but my best thoughts and hopes go with you and your dad

  155. thnx wiserdude
    night

  156. Prayers for your dad, Jam. I’d appreciate some for Mr. RFH’s sister, too. She had a biopsy done today, results next week.

  157. TiFW, for that, he should have left yesterday.

    http://fox2now.com/2017/01/11/missouri-and-illinois-issue-travel-advisories-ahead-of-ice-storm/

  158. All the prayers, for you, jam2

  159. *diverts some for rfh!

  160. He has enough for everyone!

  161. Dentists everywhere respected Patrick.

  162. I know it’s really late, but OMG, how exciting for you, Wiser! Congratulations – you’ve worked really hard, and now it’s paying off for you :-)

    Jam and Roamy, prayers for your loved ones, and here’s hoping that all goes well.

    Roamy, hope Rocketboy has an uneventful trip back to school.
    Any chance the weather will get better later in the week – as in, could he miss a few days of school until the weather clears up? I know that Moms worry about their ducklings’ safety (I certainly do…..)

  163. Haven’t heard of heather honey Lauraw. If they didn’t ship the bees to the remote fields it wouldn’t happen on as grand of a scale. I’m tempted to try some.

    *adds heather honey to list along with LOTM, sous vide device, …

  164. Super busy today


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