MMM 255: 2017, aka the best year ever

Because for an entire calendar year, Hillary! will never be president.  Today is New Year’s Day (Observed) at my office, so I’m going to try and get a workout in, do some office rearranging, and tidy up so that I can begin the year with a fresh, energized perspective.

How are you starting your year?

Shades indoors?  Weird.


Immodest, but not quite porn.  Boundaries definitely stretched as much as the thong, though.


Can she actually swim in this, or will the metal sink her?


Speaking of heavy metal.


Tactical yoga pants?


This chick never takes off the shades, does she?


More monochrome.


Ball handling.


I should make a heavy bag for the barn.


Happy New Year!


  1. Anyone even here today?

    Is Roamy still chained up in Mare’s basement?

  2. wakey wakey

  3. How’s Zelda, Carin?

  4. I totally forgot it was Monday. Back to back Monday “observed holidays” mess with your internal clock.

  5. She’s the same.

  6. Sorry to hear that, Carin.

  7. Morning.

  8. How old is Zelda?

  9. Morning all. I apparently have too much money and now must give some to my car dealer because I have a recall notice for a part that might make my car catch fire if not repaired.

  10. Zelda is 6. I asked yesterday.

  11. I didn’t read all of yesterday, thanks Mare.

  12. Sorry about having too much money, Mr. Science.
    Your car dealer is real nice to take care of both your problems at once.

  13. My furnace died in Autumn for the same reason.

  14. The notice was a comedy goldmine in its understatedness. “part #69gt544 which is a member of the fuel tank has been subject to recall. If not replaced it could have adverse consequences on keeping fumes in the fuel system and away from sources of ignition.”

  15. Sounds like it was written by an Englishman.

  16. It does!

    Reading it was like a roller coaster of emotions from bad to worse to Democrat Election Night

  17. In the nearly 10 years I’ve owned my Tacoma I think there’s been at least 4, possibly 5, recalls along the way. For one a service rep told me I needed it done next time and I asked her to book me for it in advance. When I came in for that visit another rep said my model didn’t need it. That led to a big discussion behind the counter and they did it anyway. Or at least they lied to me when they said they did it.

  18. Turns out I have two recalls. They need to replace my air bag with the not shrapnel making kind

  19. Great, a car that’s unsafe to drive 75 mph with your knee while lighting your new cigarette with another lit cigarette!

  20. Remember last year when Trump dicked that bimbo?

  21. He really schlonged her.

  22. She’s a cunt.

  23. And she’ll never be president.

  24. Wow, that was last year?

    It really seems like the schlonging is still fresh

  25. Hamster pope!

    Probably a better Catholic than the “real” one…

  26. “Get off the roof, Herbert! The food pellets had oregano in them not pot!”

  27. >>Hamster pope!

    We can expect smoke from that little chimney any time now.

  28. >>Wow, that was last year?
    >>It really seems like the schlonging is still fresh

    The fresh schlong of Mar A Lago.

  29. Yes, this is real

    Now, who are the knitters here?

  30. I like a tight knit.

  31. Please tell me that a clever March For Lifer wrote that as a prank.

  32. I can’t really fault God for turning his back on a country where thousands of women will march in the streets in stupid knitted hats celebrating their ability to legally murder their own unborn children.

    Not saying He has, but I’d understand.

  33. What Leon said.

  34. Mmm, the Kolsch I just bottled has a nice clean taste.

  35. How long until we have an openly pro-infanticide candidate?

    Parents should have the right to choose to end their toddler’s life because he would “suffer” if they put him in foster care.

  36. Mmm, the Kolsch I just bottled has a nice clean taste.

    Unlike your mom.

  37. Hillary was basically that, Alex.

  38. So was TFG and Mooch. PJ and I think Beasn are crafty.

  39. Yeah, be even she didn’t push it openly. The assisted suicide stuff worries me. They’re getting more brazen.


  41. Talkative bunch today.

  42. Penn State QB is pretty good.

  43. So is USC’s.

  44. So people have already moved to H3? Thanks for nothing, douches.

  45. We’re preparing a rescue mission for Roamy.

  46. Roamy better get her ass here or I’m screwed.

  47. #bringbackoursquishyhugs

  48. Can anybody go back through the archives and see if Cyn mentioned meating up with mare a few months back?

  49. Roamy posted a pic on Facedouche. Roamy sighting!

  50. Pretty run from the PSU back, there.

  51. “Roamy posted a pic on Facedouche. Roamy sighting!”

    so mare is actually able to hack fb accounts and deflect speculation – interesting…

    xb may as well take down his helpful and sensitive tab – the gig is up horse

  52. Is she holding up a recent newspaper, oso? Because if not, that pic could have been taken any time.

  53. Watching Keith Jackson on ESPN Rose Bowl coverage. Very sad. Putting him on 2017 list.

  54. Mare loves Oso!!

  55. I love Keith Jackson. One of my favorites.

  56. I can’t even post a picture here.

  57. Wow, Penn State.

  58. No recent newspaper…(MARE!!!! Shakes fist at sky)

  59. Mare, he seems very fragile and confused. One of my favs too

  60. I always liked Keith Jackson. Is he just there as a guest?

  61. They brought him in the booth. He seemed lost and confused

  62. “It’s a good life” Twilight Zone is on right now

  63. Hi honey, I’m home!

    My brother posted the pic. I haven’t seen the camera in the unpacking so far.

    Holiday sequence was Dad and stepmom, Aunt Beth, Aunt Libby, Mare, Tampa, Key West, Honduras, Belize, Mexico, Tampa, brother and his family including niece I haven’t seen in 7? years, Dad and stepmom. Tried to avoid the tornadoes today.

  64. Hi, “roamy.” Just for shits and giggles, could you write something to prove that you’re not mare, sitting at your computer wearing a suit made of your skin?

  65. **runs around tackling everyone with squishy hugs**

  66. USC is getting hosed by the refs.

    Sad to see how Keith Jackson has deteriorated.

  67. YAAAYYoooof

  68. ROAMY!!!!

    Thank God you are alive!

    **runs up to Roamy**
    **hugs her**
    **tries to motorboat**
    **gets slapped**
    **gets slapped with restraining order **

  69. Oh, thank God!!!!

    Roamy, welcome back!!!

  70. Sean, I’m trying to figure out how the hell you get pink auroras.

    Transgender clouds?

  71. Oh no, Mare hacked werdpuss too.

  72. So now all you bitches can just shut the hell up!

  73. Roamy, how was the cruise?

  74. Mare, we are not going to believe it unless we independently verify.

    You could have tortured Roamy to get the password.

  75. Heh. I thought that said “pink aureolas” at first.

    Welcome back!

  76. Punches Tushar right in the naan.

  77. I just watched an interview of Keith Jackson that was recorded in 2013 and he still looked sharp.

    I guess that can change pretty quickly when you’re 88.

  78. H2 moment on the cruise –

    Cruise director was a funny, funny man by the name of Simon, and as the cruise director, he showed up at a fair number of events with a microphone in hand. Imagine this with a British accent.

    “I saw a woman struggling with her room key and stopped to help. She asked me if I was a crew member (they all wear name tags if not uniforms), and I said yes. She asked, ‘What do you do?’ I felt impish, so I said, ‘I’m the ship’s gigolo.’ At that moment, two other women walked by and said, ‘Oh Simon, you were wonderful last night!’ That got a priceless look on her face!”

  79. USC is Reeeeeally getting hosed.

  80. Vin Scully is one year older than Keith. I wonder how he’ll handle retirement?

  81. SoWhat needs to visit moar

  82. Whoa, looks like in all the excitement about Roamy, I missed Sohos.

  83. Glad you made it back, “Roamie”

  84. Sohos!!

  85. Sohos is busy with her blond family. They are extremely blond.

  86. Hi Mare. I never really thought ate Roamy and her family. Someone else was spreading that rumor.
    Just a joke. No hard feelings? Eh?

  87. Extremely blonde and attractive. Great teeth

  88. What a comeback for USC.

  89. Very large teeth.

  90. Uploaded meatup pic to media folder. Whichever brain cell remembered how to do a password-protected poat has not reported for duty.

  91. MJ has CHANGED!

  92. SHE IS REAL !!!!111!

  93. Looks like you guys had a horrible time.

  94. Where’s the meatup pic?

  95. In the media folder, Colex. You have to go to the admin dashboard to find it.

  96. Photo is in the media library, if you have keys.

    I don’t know who hands those out these day, but you should probably have them.

    I blame Cyn.

  97. For some reason, I imagined that Mare looks a bit like Sarah Jessica Parker. She doesn’t.

  98. How much has Brent Musburger had to drink? He’s having fun tonight.

  99. Brent Musburger doesn’t drink, Peps. He smokes PCP and shoots cocaine directly into his tip.

  100. Welcome back, Roamy

    Tomorrow morning, I wake up Micah early and we go and see if his holding area still leaks and if he can do overnight dialysis

  101. You’re a good man, Mr. S. Don’t forget that.

  102. Thanks sean and scott.

  103. Roamy and TranJ both look lovely.

  104. Back to work tomorrow. It’s been 2 weeks. I hope I remember how.

  105. Great picture of Roamy and Mare!

  106. Gotta give MJ credit here…. he did once hell of a fantastic job sewing together his “mare” suit.

  107. Back to work tomorrow. It’s been 2 weeks. I hope I remember how.

    1. Ask if they want a “date.”

    2. If they say yes, ask if they’re a cop. They have to tell you if they’re a cop.

    3. Negotiate your price, but be careful–don’t mention the specific acts involved. Make them say it!

    4. Lie back and think of England.

  108. Oso ❤️ Angel bearded guy

  109. Sales Tax increase yesterday. I voted against. I lost. Relishing the tears of loser FSA at the Club today. Fuck you and you and you🎶🎶

  110. But… but… the tax wasn’t supposed to apply to THEM!

  111. I can’t wait for the head-scratching puzzlement around here about why things keep getting more and more expensive as the state’s minimum wage increases start to take effect.

  112. I H8 the FSA. Bunch of dumbass losers

  113. Took a derp, I went downtown
    The streets were empty, there was no one around
    To place that we used to know
    Been all the places that we used to go

  114. Wakey wakey muthafockers.

    Glad Roamy’s back/alive.

  115. I’m in dog hell right now. Been up since 3:20 or something.

    Moose goes and gets his balls cut off today, and I have no idea if I’m going to be able to get him in the car.

    Zelda is still in a lot of pain, after a week and a half of drugs. I mean seriously “it’s going to have to heal and get better”?

    It’s freakin getting worse. I don’t honestly know how much more I can take.

    I need to keep moose away from her, and that’s a complete pain in the ass.

    Plus I freakin HATE this keyboard. clack clack clack.

  116. Coffee’s hot and strong.

    grab a cup

  117. Moarning CARin.

    I don’t know what to say about your Zelda situation other than I’m very sorry she is hurting.

    And yeah, I’m thinking today is not going to be a get in the car encouragement for Moose.

  118. She just cries and cries. I really can’t handle it anymore. She’s not gotten ONE iota better.

  119. I gave her three pain meds an hour ago and she’s screaming downstairs.


  120. No one’s gotten any sleep in this house. Every night it’s been that much worse.

  121. Moose won’t even leave her side, let alone get in the car.He’s not supposed to eat, but I’m going to have to entice him with something good. He’s hanging out as close as he can to Zelda, which – right now- means outside the slider to the room she’s in.

  122. I’m not a Vet Carin but I’d ask your real Vet if there’s any spinal stenosis due to the arthritis and what the typical response to treatment is for dogs. A little prednisone may help if the other pain meds aren’t working much.

  123. That sounds exactly like what’s wrong:

    The arthritis and disc disease put pressure on the nerves coming off the spinal cord. The symptoms of lumbosacral stenosis, then, are a result of nerve injury. The most common sign of cauda equina syndrome is pain. The pain may occur in the back, in one or both hind legs, or the tail.

    She hold her tail funny.

  124. Difficulty rising (another site on Spinal stenosis in dogs) —– DING DING DING.

    This is exactly her symptoms.

  125. I should have brought her to Jimbro.

    I’m sure she had an issue that she could manage, then Moose probably got too rough with her and fucked it up.

    But if they can’t manage the pain until she’s better …. this is horrible and she’s miserable.

  126. STRICT rest for 6-8 weeks?

  127. From what I read, the rest option is only viable if the case is mild. I would say she does not have a mild case.

  128. I have about 40 min to get moose in the car. I’m waiting for daylight. I’ll start trying at 8.

  129. Sounds pretty bad, Carin. Not sure what I’d do in your place.

  130. How awful, Carin. Sending prayers for sure.

  131. Got him in the car on first try.

  132. Take your bets on his weight. I’m going for 130.

  133. I don’t have any cute kittie pics saved, where’s Laura with the Tues’dawwwwww?

  134. I know adult women who wish they were 130.

  135. 140?

  136. 130 is borderline too skinny for me. 128 and I look like I’m sick

  137. 133 is goal. I just carry a lot of muscle in my legs. I can only get so light.

  138. good luck carin

  139. Sorry, Carin, having a pet in pain sucks.

  140. I’m thinking I ought to be about 158.

  141. After biting my hand this weekend, Elliot was this close to being in pain like that.

  142. Doc gave us prednisone. How quick can I hope to see a result? ANY result?

  143. Gah. She’s howling right now.

    She’s on all her pain meds.

  144. Prednisone usually helps very quickly.

  145. let me go get a Tuesday post hobbled together, unless somebody is working one one now. I’ll check

  146. I’m working on your mom now.

  147. is there a sedative that can be prescribed? Sounds like she needs a lot of rest.

  148. She’s on a muscle relaxer and two other sorts of pain stuff.

  149. I basically told the vet that I need the best she’s got/could give her because the option is putting the dog down. If they can’t control the pain, than I can’t do this and it’s not fair for her.

    I honestly don’t think I can listen to her cry all day today. She’s crying now. I don’t know what to do.

  150. I know what do to. Eat. that’s how I’m dealing with this. Just mindless eating.


  151. Poor Zelda. So sorry, Carin. I know exactly how you’re feeliing.

  152. Does Zelda know how to do Jaeger shots?

  153. She may learn.

    I got her upstairs – she got upset enough downstairs by herself, that when i went down I was able to get her to go outside (go potty) walk around a bit and in the other door so she’s on the main floor.

    She’s a LOT happier. I think perhaps part of the howling aspect was that she was alone.

  154. once she’s UP, she’ll walk around a bit and go potty. It’s the UP part that is really painful.

    I wonder how Moose’s nuts removal is going.

  155. Hi, I’m Roamy, and I’m a dumbass sitting on the couch because I forgot my heart meds this morning.

  156. Well, at least you’re still alive.

  157. Bruce Springsteen can wolf down a bag of dicks, and then go eat a bowl of testicles.

    Never liked his music and think his voice is like a dog howling in pain. (Sorry, Carin.)

  158. Pro-tip for Hollywood, and “entertainment” complex in general:

    We don’t give a flying fuck what you think – never have – never will.

    You’re a bunch of self-absorbed, overpaid, undereducated cat farts.

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