MMM 253: pre-Christmas edition

Statistically, millions of Americans are going to just barely work this week while still pretending that they aren’t just looking busy until Friday.  Don’t be like them, be the outlier that actually gets a lot done this week so you can start off the new year well ahead of the game, you’ll be glad you did.

NOTE: SECRET SANTA gift opening will be Tuesday, 12-20, at 7pm EST.



Don’t know her name, but I’d like to.


If she works out in this, no men better be trying to bench press nearby.  Sure ticket to decapitation gainz.


Anyone have a good jump rope that they like?


It looks so nice and warm there.


She’s going to get weak ankles if she works out in those.


Pounds or kilos?


Go ahead, tell me this one is a tucker.  WHERE?


This is one of the best triptychs ever.


Penultimate MMM of a really rough year, enjoy the day.


  1. Pink bikini tucker is a clever ruse. They just wanted to make you think that was a mirror. It’s actually a separate photo behind her done by the same folks that faked the moon landing. Probably done in the same studio!

  2. Wakey wakey.

  3. I don’t care when we do ss. I’m out on the 24, and then I work mostly my regular schedule this week, so I usually miss the big event anyway.

  4. And I am exhausted from worky worky all weekend.

  5. Tuesday night at 7pm, then, I’ll put a note at the top of the post.

  6. The gal from my gym put some pictures of herself … I’m dying to share them but I’m going to put them in the media folder. I probably can’t until tomorrow because I’m completely out of data.

  7. Holy shit, it was 28F yesterday.

    Right now it’s 1.

  8. Are they on her public site?

  9. Ok, coffee’s starting to work. Plus the music I’ve got playing.

    I’m so tired, but I have a shitte ton to due today.

  10. What time does all the stuff with the electors go down?

    I can’t believe I have to work again today. UGH.


    I know Lauraw’s not studying or nothing. Has she gone full lays-about?

  12. I hate you all so very much.

  13. Seriously

  14. I was checking on the elector thing. Each state’s electors vote in their state capitol, so it’s not a particular time of day. They meet today in respective capitols, vote, and then the totals are sent to DC.

  15. The local weather guy said that the good news is that today was going to be the coldest day of the week.

  16. I am making her work tomorrow.

  17. I’d bet Lauraw’s slaving over bacon

  18. I’m cooking and resting today.

  19. Ooooh, thanks for reminding me! I have to reposition the bacon this morning.

  20. I’m guessing this motherfucker will claim he was “flat broke” when he left the White House one of these days too.

    At some point in time you’ve got enough house.

  21. What has he done to earn that amount of money? I mean, his presidential salary is approx $400,000, right? Times 8 years …

    I know he’s been living like Midas for the last 8 years, but honestly – what has he ever done to be able to afford that lifestyle?

  22. Yeah, supposed to hit 41 here next Monday. I don’t want to wait until then to chisel the crawlspace open and replace the handle, though, because I really wanted to cook another pumpkin soon.

  23. I have to go out in the cold.I’m not happy about it.

  24. All my squashes are piled in the front bay window. I need to check in on them today, too.

  25. Insider trading pays well.

  26. I’m going to go out and feed the horses so the wife doesn’t have to. Hope my gloves don’t freeze to the water bucket handles.

  27. After curing them in the coop, I laid mine out on cardboard on a pallet in the crawlspace. It’s usually cool but not quite freezing down there, so I’m pretending it’s a root cellar. Haven’t tried this before, so it’s an experiment.

  28. I had to turn up the house one extra degree. I’m freezing IN THE house.

    I do not want to go out.


  29. *contemplates what extra clothing I can put on

  30. I have long underwear for days like this, and long-sleeve tees to put under sweaters.

  31. I bet he bought a bazillion shares of GM before bailing them out.

  32. Thrift shop woolen sweater sandwiched between two non-knit layers has been saving me from freezing on really bad days.

  33. I should do SS next year. This year I’ve been chasing my tail so much I expect to be able to self-examine for polyps at some point.

  34. Wow, 44 degrees?!?! How am I supposed to function in this kind of cold?? :o)

  35. Postman was out at the crack of dawn, delivering my Secret Santa package. I know this because the Bumpus dogs were barking their lungs out inside the house.

  36. Trump Derangement Syndrome is going to make Bush Derangement Syndrome look like a quirky neurosis.

    An analogy and prediction:
    TDS is to BDS
    “sexual cannibalism” is to “not stepping on sidewalk cracks”

  37. Fooking -6 here this morning. Dogs paws froze while outside had to literally carry them in. How bout a thought n prayer for all the working mens and wimmens types out in this SHIT today. This is “hurt ya” cold. Only plus is that when it returns to normal we’ll all be like..”this aint so bad.”

    *we’re now up to a balmy 5 degrees

  38. Feel like I really need some extra veggies and vitamins. My lips are chapped and I’m getting those stupid Winter nosebleeds. Happened at work yesterday in front of customers. So embarrassing.

    Chard stored on the porch (that I picked before the bad freeze) is still keeping really nicely. Nipped out to the porch to grab some for chard n’ eggs this morning. Took a multivitamin and some extra vit. D.

    Your mom told me that lots of D keeps her feeling young.

  39. My lips are chapped and I’m getting those stupid Winter nosebleeds.

    Fat and gelatin will help a lot with this. Vegetables may help too, but I’d just cook them in with some meat or bone broth.

  40. Vitamin C and A, so liver and onions is a good choice.

  41. Making beef soup today, as it happens. Good call on the gelatin. I forgot about that.

    Quick dash to the food store, then cooking the rest of the day. I need to figure out how to keep a computer in my kitchen. One of my work-girlfriends has a little AV station in one corner of her kitchen, and I’m so jelly.

  42. Mmmm liver and onions!! Oh man, that’s a thing that will be happening. Adding that to the shopping list. Booyah! You’re full of win, Leon.

  43. I would’ve done SS this year, but my last 4 SS’s were Hotspur, Cathy, Herr Morganholtz, BCock, and Cyn.

    Hotspur still hangs and BCock still does a drive by every once in a while, but the others are like dust in the wind. I just didn’t feel like I could be responsible for us losing any more quality folks.

  44. Last 5, not last 4. Proofreading……how does it work?

  45. Bcock is in it this year, at least.

  46. Even though I don’t participate, I’m looking forward to seeing all your satanic secretions.
    We will probably join in next year.

  47. Fuck Winter.

    That is all.


    The box had some damage, and there was a loose bolt inside, then I noticed that one part where the handle attaches was a bit bent.

    So I phoned Amazon to arrange a return, and was informed that it isn’t returnable. I guess they have a policy that things with toxic fluids cannot be returned. I informed her that I hadn’t put any gas in it yet, but she said the system would only let her do a no cost replacement. Then she found that they are out of stock, so she couldn’t even do that. She credited me the entire cost.

    I said, “What do I do with the machine?” She said, “We advise customers to keep, dispose of, or donate.

    So, bottom line, Free Snowblower, albeit that it needs a little repair first.

  49. 1. Order multiple snow blowers
    2. ???
    3. Profit !!!

  50. Remember when we all watched this electoral college crap to see if Romney would pull out a surprise win via faithless electors?

  51. Maybe this has been discussed, but that car-weasel in Texas who is not voting for Trump needs his dick ripped out.

    It is disingenuous fucking bullcrap. First he’s from Austin. Second, he’s a government employee. Third, my conclusion is that he’s a closet democrat.

    He agreed to abide by the rules. Nothing happened after the election that wasn’t out there before November 8.

    He planned this all along.

  52. 1. Order multiple snow blowers
    2. ???
    3. Profit !!!


    That occurred to me. Their system is ripe for ripping off.

  53. Your mom told me that lots of D keeps her feeling young.


    I liked that one, a lot.

  54. Roamy’s package (heh) will definitely arrive by Friday, but hopefully on Thursday.

    I will track it and keep everyone updated.

  55. The Russian Ambassador to Turkey has been shot in an apparent assassination attempt.

    Goody. Because of course, 2016.

  56. Holy shit.

  57. Now it’s being reported that he died.

    Helluva security system you have there, Russia.

  58. There are some very clear pics of the gunman standing next to the fallen ambassador. My question is…. Where was his security? Watched the vid and it seems there was no one. No immediate response. Amazing….

  59. news saying he went without security….

  60. it looked like one round exited under his left clavicle

  61. my bet is putin will react differently than the pansy in chief to an ambassador being murdered

  62. I am a hardened and cynical old bastard, but damn, even I get teary eyed sometimes.

  63. I hope that commie shill does time for it.

  64. anyone ever donate a car, for tax value?

  65. I did, Jay, to DAV. Whatcha wanna know?

  66. PA and WI electors voted. Still waiting on the doofuses in Lansing.

  67. What kind of value did you get? Is it worth it, or should I dump money into the vehicle and sell it myself?

    To get it to 100% would go over the blue book value. There are 2 vehicles, too. car and a 4WD truck.

    We inherited a van.

  68. I had a non-driveable vehicle with no rust and a clean interior, and ended up getting blue book “good” as the value on the donation. I’d have had to get it towed to be worked on after the animals chewed up something in the engine, and the heater had never worked right, so I didn’t want to make the investment to get it sellable. It was ten years old, so I figured the tax write-off was worth more to me.

  69. I would make the same decision today, I think, it worked out.

  70. ugh. Two more gifts down.

  71. Thanks leon, that helps.

  72. Heh, if I get fair value for the pickup, that would rock! The car, meh.

  73. One more thing: it took about 2 months to get the note for my taxes, so if you were going to file early, you might be waiting a bit for that if you’re trying to get it in for 2016.

  74. I donated my car to Goodwill, Jay. They auctioned it and I was able to take what the winning bid was off on my taxes.

  75. Is that a single stage snow thrower?

    I have a Toro that broke in what sounds like the same place. I fixed it with zip ties and duct tape.

    I really like that thing, it’s so lightweight that I store it in the basement.

  76. It’s single stage, Scott. As long as I get on the snowfall before it gets more than a few inches deep, it should do the job.

    I have limited garage space, so I can’t accommodate a big machine.

  77. Trump is at 241 not counting Texas or 4 other red states that total 24.

    Suck it, Cankles.

    You will never be president.

  78. You know who can accommodate a big machine in her garage?

  79. Your mom?

  80. Hillary?

  81. You will be surprised by what it can handle.

    Mine has a 98cc motor and it will fly through a foot of snow.

  82. 3′ tall snow banks require a little creativity, but it’s still a lot easier than a shovel.


  84. Trump at 259 and TX still not in. What the fuck is going on in Austin?

  85. Can someone PLEASE finish my christmas shopping? I have to work now.


  86. Comment by jam2 on December 19, 2016 3:54 pm

    Mr. Darwin, please call your office.

  87. So far, the only faithless electors are in Washington, taking away from Hillary.

  88. What the fuck is going on in Austin?

    All 38 are voting for Kasich.

  89. Highly doubt that.

    It just occurred to me that Steve Harvey is not a good fit for announcing who won the vote in the electoral college.

  90. LOL

    Texas is being a drama queen.

  91. I want to believe that 37 of them are beating the 38th with soap bars wrapped in towels.

  92. That guy is an enormous fraud. His fifteen minutes will be over tonight.

    Then he will be exposed for the democrat he has been all along.

  93. I went and looked at the live stream from Austin. They’re having to vote several new electors in for people who didn’t show for whatever reason. Or at least that’s the way it looks to me.

    Iowa’s in so he’s up to 265.

  94. For Fuck’s Sake: They’re voting on who is gonna chair the session. That shit should’ve taken place earlier.

  95. Packages received today: 0

    Gets nervous. How many days until Christmas?

  96. Is it like the convention, where they set it up for a certain state to “put him over the top”?

  97. LOL! With the 4 Washington State delegates that went faithless, the best Hillary can hope for is no decision, even if all of Texas’ delegates go faithless.

  98. Hey Debra Messing, our gift to you, Hillary lost electoral votes today…hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  99. Hillary, you’re a big, fat (NTTIATWWT), loser.

    And Bill sounded like a decrepit, skanky old bag of herpies.

  100. Bill Clinton is a bitter old puke, who is mad Hillary will now be around so he can’t Dick those third tier bimbos he’s so fond of. Hey, Hillary called them bimbos first, not me.

    “You know, I’ve watched her work for two years. I watched her battle through that bogus email deal, be vindicated at the end when Secretary Powell came out. She fought through that. She fought through everything. And she prevailed against it all but at the end we had the Russians and the FBI deal and she couldn’t prevail against them,” he said. “She did everything else and still won by 2.8 million votes.”

    What’s the bullshit about being vindicated via Powell?

    What’s the bullshit with every single thing he said?

  101. Oh, and Bill, “she won…” makes you look insane.

  102. Now her failure is complete…

  103. I had to cashier for a few hours today. I mix up “Great day, happy holidays, and Merry Christmas” so it doesn’t sound scripted. I “Merry Christmas’d” the wrong person. She actually growled at me. Member in line behind her asked me “Did that woman just growl at you? Over Merry Christmas?” I didn’t find $20

  104. Texas couldn’t get its poop in a pile. Or they purposely tried to create drama.

    Either way – dummies.

  105. Greetings, Electoral College alumni.

  106. I was kicked out of the Electoral College for streaking across the field at half-time.

  107. I was kicked out of the Electoral College for hazing.

  108. Your mom.

  109. I was kicked out of the Electoral College for leaving a flaming bag of dog turds in a safe space.

  110. Sean is on double secret probation by the dean of the Electoral College.

  111. I met a guy who grew some kind hydroponic bud while we were at the Electoral College. I think he ended up voting for Pink Floyd.

    (Hi, Cyn. Sorry!)

  112. When I was at the Electoral College they tried to give us Play Doh and coloring books. We set it on fire, pissed on it, then shoved it down the dean’s cram hole.

  113. Mare, where the eff were you last week? (Week before actually)

  114. You were Hotspurned.

  115. True.

  116. But someday Mare and I are going to meatup. She’ll bring Mr. Mare, and I’ll bring HotBride and they’ll be like, “I don’t get what’s funny.” And we’ll be like, “No, this is the context.” And they’ll be like,”We still don’t get it.”

    Then we’ll laugh our asses off.

  117. Mare is elusive.

  118. when hotspank was in the erectoral collage ky wasn’t yet invented (or even a state)

  119. Next time

  120. When I was in the Electoral College we invented your mom.

    Whoa, it was like the invention of the doorknob. Everyone took their turn.

  121. Mare isn’t real, we all know that.

    Plot twist: Mr. Mare is.

  122. she did mention some shitty times in the past…

  123. JL was highly over rated –
    he was a klingon of the borscht belt; always around, irritating, and given a soothing wipe every once in a while

  124. i met him once when i was a kid –
    was at grossinger’s hanging out with a friend and we were rambling thru the hotel – lewis and some of b list’ers were drinking at the bar

  125. He did some funny stuff about 65 years ago.

  126. dementia may prove ones’ mettle

  127. Mare isn’t real, we all know that.

    Plot twist: Mr. Mare is.

    Real GAY

  128. “Plot twist: Mr. Mare is.

    does that mean -”


  129. Mare was busy that week, she was moving to Indiana.

  130. PG and MR Mare have a West Point friend in common. Mare didn’t even gloat when WP beat Navy.

  131. If she’s been in Indiana for a week she’s probably a crackhead.

  132. Mr. Mare isn’t gay. He was just acting out his favorite song.

  133. MJ is probably selling his car parts on eBay RIGHT NOW.

  134. MJ isn’t gay… but twenty bucks is twenty bucks and they promised that no one would find out.

  135. *wipes mouth

    Been a long day. Who’s ready for a cold one?

  136. I remember back when you used to be able to count on that, to a certain degree. Back when someone’s word was worth something and before there were cameras everywhere.

    On a completely unrelated note, would anybody like to pay to see what’s been going on in the back stall of the Ghetto Bar men’s room? Or would anybody be interested in keeping that footage out of the harsh light of day? My fees are very reasonable.

  137. Evening Hostages. I think quite a few of you have already seen it, but I’m adding a new pic to PoL here in a second.

  138. Hotspur, did you see my comment last week. I was at the Island Grill praying you’d walk in (worried because I thought I might recognize you from the POL pic but could only yell out, HOTSPUR!). I left the next day at the crack of dawn on a road trip to Texas. Stayed there a week. Flew back. Very sorry (honestly ) I missed you. Also worried I only knew your wife by, “Hotbride.”

  139. Proof of Life updated with ridiculous photo.

  140. Dude, keep your furry fetish to yourself.

  141. You stealing wiser’s lines now? (He told me, among many other things, that I looked like an unemployed furry)

  142. Aw, man, I was hoping you’d gone with my remix.

  143. Back in college the president of the anime club was into cosplay. He had a giant wolf costume that he wore to costume competitions. It was actually pretty impressive, the amount of work that went into it. Of course we gave him a never-ending amount of shit about being a supposed furry.

  144. Aw, man, I was hoping you’d gone with my remix.

    The photoshop was damn funny.

  145. I’ll be late tomorrow, basketball game.

  146. The photoshop was damn funny.

    Photoshop? What do I look like, a millionaire? That was MS Paint.

  147. Photoshop? What do I look like, a millionaire? That was MS Paint.

    Well now it’s less funny.

  148. Dunk one for us, Jay!

  149. Really sorry that Mare didn’t meet HS and HB. They are both amazing. Especially HB. Loved them both

  150. HAHAHA!!!

  151. I will forever chuckle while thinking of Hotbride saying “mustache rides” in her lovely, twee accent.

  152. A cute one from Vanderleun, last Christmas…

  153. There. Done. I fully expect a phone call from the Youngest Drunken Midget’s teacher or principal tomorrow. Hopefully YDM will have already beat that kid’s ass.

  154. What happened with YDM?

  155. Some kid, another girl, has been picking on her and bullying her and generally being a bitch all year. YDM comes home at least once a week crying. She kept trying to be nice and make friends with this girl and the girl keeps flinging it back in her face. So I told YDM to beat her ass.

    “No one has the right to do that to you. To make you feel like that. So you do whatever you need to do to solve this issue. Know that I’m supporting you and so is mommy.”

    I actually believe the first words out of my mouth when YDM is crying and trying to tell me the story was, “Oh. Kate again? Tell that bitch to shut her damn mouth.”

  156. Hehe. My grandpa told mom not to start a fight, but if the other girl laid a hand on her to lay her out and he’d come get in the principal’s face about it.

  157. Bingo. I don’t think this girl is dumb enough to lay a finger on my girl. But she’s savage like only a little girl can be with tearing her down.

    “Tell her to stop.” “I have! She just won’t! If I tell a teacher, she stops while the teacher is watching and then makes fun of me for being a tattletale. She makes me so mad and she’s so mean, I just want to punch her in the face sometimes!” “Well……?” “*sigh* I would get in a lot of trouble.” “Not from me and mommy you wouldn’t.”

  158. The shit-talking is harder, because unfortunately socking them across the jaw is frowned upon these days.

    Hopefully YDM will learn to develop a thick skin and the ability to laugh in the other girl’s face and tell her “piss off you worthless scrunt.”

  159. She’s having a hard time with “bitch shut up”, which was my first suggestion. But kids today are such little pussies, one little tap on the jaw and Mommy’s Fun Night Out will go down squealing. Probably be scared to death of YDM from here on out. Which would be wonderful.

  160. Ok, I’m out. A head’s up, Eldest Drunken Midget has the final dance performance of the season tomorrow early evening, so I’m gonna be late to the opening of the gifts. I’ll get in here as soon as I can.

    ‘Night Hostages.

  161. Tell her to beat the little bitch half to death with a lunch tray. Sure, she’ll have to do a stretch in The Hole, but nobody will fuck with her again for a while. MAD respect.

    Wait, your kids are in prison, right? Or am I thinking of someone else?

  162. Use arts and crafts time to construct a shiv out of construction paper and Popsicle sticks.

  163. Angle for a job helping the lunchlady. Sprinkle a little ground-up glass in her food each day. Won’t know what hit her.

  164. Please don’t you derp me at home
    Please don’t come knocking at night
    Please never ring on the phone
    Your manners are never quite right

  165. What the ever loving fuck, you people need to wake the fuck up earlier!

  166. If UPS comes through today my shopping will be done. The Apple Watch Paula asked for needs a signature. I left the paper at home taped to the door. Hopefully no shifty bastards follow the truck.

  167. 11 degrees. And my husband has scheduled us to make a delivery this morning.

    *unpacks violin case*

    *rosins up my bow*

  168. Wakey wakey. Sorry. Kid run, then got stuck on facedouche.

  169. No takers for Tuesday?

  170. I could. It may be all pictures of dogs.


  172. Oh, dog pictures might be better than my idea.

  173. But I like pictures of dogs! And kitties too!

  174. I poated.

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