Crappy Candy Thursday

Every year when the kids bring their Halloween loot home it is the time-honored job of parents everywhere to sort through it to make sure there are no hidden razor blades, needles or doses of LSD hidden among the goodies (among other apocryphal tales). So what if the price for this vigilance is a Reese’s peanut butter cup or two. It’s for the children dammit!  Anyway, after the parental gleaning and the kids’ sugar-fueled orgy the old candy bag begins to look a bit forlorn within a few days. Certainly by a week after you’re left with the dregs of Halloween. Around my house the leftover crap usually migrates to a corner where it’s looked at every so often in the hopes someone missed a choice piece. It’s also a testimony to the shifting values placed on certain candies. Whereas a couple of weeks ago you turned your nose up at the box of Dots, come mid November you’re willing to try them on for size. Here is a gallery of what I consider to be some of the candy dregs of Halloween. What are yours?

The first entry is bound to be a bit controversial. Sure, most everyone likes a handful of candy corn once a year as a rite of passage, but to eat it by choice? And trying to tart it up by adding mini pumpkins? Stoopid. C’mon man!


The next entry is universally despised. No one knows who, other than first time tasters, actually eat Smarties.


The NECCO (actually Necco. So sue me) wafers are usually the “fun size” which has to be the most inappropriate use of that term I’ve come across recently. Fun fact: NECCO stands for New England Confectionery Company or some such bullshit and they’re made in my state of origin, Massachusetts. Lesson over, they’re as much fun as eating a piece of classroom chalk with a paste chaser.


These are a special edition of Dots I’ve never encountered before. The usual multi-colored Dot candy that promises to be soft and chewy has been replaced by a black licorice substance here to make the “Bat Dot“. In a stroke of brilliance they’ve managed to combine two of the most hated candies into one. True story: A dentist invented Dots.


I’m on the fence about this one. Eating one or two a year for old times sake is grand. But handing them out for Halloween? Criminal!

(You’ll note the small logo of NECCO on the wrapper. It’s a conspiracy)


No. Just no.


I had a roommate who would sit down with a giant Pixy Stick and a bottle of Mountain Dew and consume them on the couch+. Did I also mention he was morbidly obese?


The list could go on and on but I want to leave some for you guys.




  1. Congratulations Cubs!

  2. (How long till Obama posts a selfie with his “Chicago boys”?)

  3. I love smarties.

    wakey wakey

  4. It happened: @Cubs win World Series. That’s change even this South Sider can believe in. Want to come to the White House before I leave?

  5. Dum Dum Pops


    Anything cinnamon

  6. Apparently I’m such a psycho about closing the fridge door, that I can’t even have a picture of an open fridge on my monitor for more than a second without getting the urge to close it.

  7. meh, my fridge closes itself

  8. starting a greatest candy EVAH list, pupster?

    circus peanuts

  9. I like smarties too.

  10. Smahties, as they’re known in the NE, are quite delicious.

  11. I like Smarties. I hate hate hate Twizzlers. It’s like eating plastic, only less flavorful.

  12. Congratulations, Cubs! I went to bed with the rain delay, wish I’d stayed up.

  13. Awesome smackdown of Michael ‘fat pig’ Moore.

  14. Laura, I have the front legs (stubs, pegs, whatevs) of my fridge on quarter inch thick pads. Gravity closes the fridge door.

    This kind of tricks are useful because I have three foot tall assholes running around in the house.

  15. Anyone who hates or slams candy corn is a fuckin’ commie infiltrator.

  16. I like Twizzlers, red or black. Now that I think about it I haven’t had them in a long while. We had some multicolored Twizzlers this summer and I had one that was supposed to be a tropical fruit flavor. Someone in R+D at the Twizzlers factory needs to lose their job.

  17. My sole disappointment with candy corn is the lack of its visual presence in my stool as a testimony to its consumption. A very useful marker for food transit time is rendered ineffective by this so called “corn”.

  18. When I stopped for gas this morning I noticed a woman gassing up her car on the other side of the island. I was watching traffic pass by and then I heard her door close and that made me look her way. That cow poured out milk right next to her car door. Right where the next person will have to step in it. Not a little milk, it was like a few ounces. What a douche.

  19. Clint, you’ve been taken in by the cornspiracy. Candy corn is a communist plot.

  20. Liberals don’t argue with facts. I’ve got one on facedouche. Just feeling. Name calling. Odd comments.

  21. I saw one too, car in. blaming the dsm cop killings on trump, because of the stars and bars

  22. So the guy mentioned in the post in the Pixy Stick section was a source of endless stories. When I was a resident I bought half a duplex and and roommates to help pay the mortgage. One was my younger brother which was great. He got a break on his rent…family discount. The other guy was a med student who fit every definition of a spoiled only child. When I first witnessed him sitting down to watch TV with a 2 foot long Pixy Stick as wide as my pinky finger and a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew I was shocked. This has to be some remnant of his childhood left over from his grade school days. It was a regular fucking occurrence.

    My brother, a mutual friend of ours and I would go out to eat once a week and then watch Melrose Place and 90210 (ghey, I know). We would feel bad for not including the roommate so we’d ask him along. Holy crap, he would consume food like it was a race. Even though we were young 20-something guys we at least had some fucking manners. He acted like he never knew there were rules, written and unwritten, for public behavior.

    At some point he lost a shit ton of weight by doing Jenny Craig or ones of those systems. He was left with a lot of loose skin and asked if he could have a pannilectomy (sp?, cutting the extra skin off) by the Plastic Surgery fellows at a discount since he was a student. He did have the surgery. Afterwards he went home for a couple of days then he came back to my house. Before too long his incision began to drain and he was going through gauze dressings like mad. He just let them pile up in and around the trash can in the bathroom until I called him out on it. During this time he was taking a boatload of Percocet and as a consequence became extremely comstipated. My brother was beside himself describing the moans emanating from the bathroom as he worked out the solution to his dilemma.

    He finally met a girl who was the niece of one of the techs I knew from the OR. She was a weirdo and for some reason moved in to my house after a fight with her parents. I wasn’t asked if she could move in and really had no idea she was there for like a month or two. I was super busy and barely home. She would stay in his room, door closed for hours. Finally I gave him the ultimatum and he moved out. They broke up within a month or two. Sadly, she did not leave me a twenty.

    Let the cut and paste begin.

  23. If seeing the confederate battle flag makes you homicidal, you should probably be locked up to protect the rest of us. Your atavism is the problem, not an inanimate object that “triggers” you.

  24. leon, he was DISPLAYING it!

    That should change your opinion.

  25. Jimbro, I am convinced that morbid obesity is a symptom of underlying derangement. I have known a number of people afflicted with it, and not one of them had a car you wouldn’t describe as “filthy”.

  26. There is a practical explanation for the dirty state of the car. It’s hard to clean when you can’t bend over.

  27. A little. Sounds like he was the other type of loony that has issues with that flag.

  28. He had many run ins with the law. But he waved the stars and bars, and got kicked out of a football game because of it. Plus he had a Trump sign.

  29. Heh, did you read about the Fox News report Baier gave, about the upcoming indictment of Pickles McMaosuit?

    My libs were dismissing it, because Faux News.

  30. ” Sed ut perspiciatis, unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam eaque ipsa, quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt, explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem, quia voluptas sit, aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos, qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt, neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum, quia dolor sit amet consectetur adipisci[ng] velit, sed quia non numquam [do] eius modi tempora inci[di]dunt, ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit, qui in ea voluptate velit esse, quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum, qui dolorem eum fugiat, quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
    At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus, qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti, quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint, obcaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa, qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio, cumque nihil impedit, quo minus id, quod maxime placeat, facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet, ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat…
    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, epicuri explicari ei duo, splendide scriptorem ei eos. Petentium appellantur deterruisset vix at. Quaeque vivendum forensibus no vel, nullam singulis sea et, ea dicam intellegam cum. Ea nonumy aperiri sit. Laboramus scribentur an sea, mazim insolens referrentur sit et, no est saepe appellantur consequuntur. Eu his illud verterem, eos te movet labitur, ferri invenire antiopam te duo.

    Diam illum ocurreret cu vix. An pri illum lobortis constituto. Tantas munere appetere ut usu. Aliquip menandri ad pri, sea nullam perpetua ne. Eu agam tractatos eum, cu iudicabit consulatu quo. At sed justo malis, nihil eruditi appareat eam no.

    Elit graeco consequuntur ei qui. Choro percipitur id usu. His simul reprimique appellantur te. Dolor salutatus urbanitas vis ad.

    Ei enim duis dolores qui, his te debitis forensibus. Vim abhorreant accommodare no, malis liber suavitate ut sed. Vix solum mundi altera ad, vix id propriae detracto sententiae. Maluisset accusamus eloquentiam nec at, ea numquam dissentiunt mei, eos ne impetus atomorum explicari. Mel modo volutpat ei.

    Ad mutat lorem accusamus duo, ea sea aliquip tractatos. Sed scripta meliore ei. Usu te everti menandri. Qui at deseruisse definiebas. At duo quas equidem deseruisse, ut erat dignissim ius.”

    “Let the cut and paste begin.”

  31. btw – funny poat jimbro –
    the fat dude going thru the pool is classic

  32. Well, that’s a new twist!

  33. When you tell Google Translate “Latin”, I wonder which Latin you get? It was a spoken language for like 1000 years, it can’t all be the same grammar and lexicon.

  34. I like my Latin like the Mexican weather girls

  35. Er, Latinas

  36. clogged sink.

    I didn’t have this on my “to do” list for today.

  37. Put a fork in her.
    She’s done.

  38. My most hated Halloween candy was the cheap “Assortment” with everything in one bag. Everything ended up tasting like bubble gum.

  39. I want to believe.

  40. I hope so scott. But the LIV haven’t heard any of this.

  41. Andrew McCarthy is on the local radio show right now.

  42. comstipated

    Love it.

  43. My sink is constipated.

  44. I understand the incestious country club called Washington DC.

    I just don’t understand what motivates these people to break laws in order to protect the Clintons.

    I can see being a team player to protect my cushy job, but I am not going to risk prison time for somebody that is already worth $200,000,000.

    Do the Clintons hand out Christmas bonuses or is everyone motivated by Vince Foster.?

    Honestly, if the Clintons were a real crime family she would have been whacked for not spreading the wealth around.

  45. I like chocolate Neccos. (Auto correct changed it to necrosis)

  46. Chocolate Necrosis? Car in has all of their albums.

  47. It’s the mafia mentality, Scott. You turn on la cosa nostra and it’s over for you. You show loyalty as long as you can and the new boss will look after you.

  48. cornstipated

  49. It’s the mafia mentality, Scott. You turn on la cosa nostra and it’s over for you. You show loyalty as long as you can and the new boss will look after you.

    And your kids.

  50. Chocolate Necrosis? Car in has all of their albums

    I only have their best ones on vinyl. Digital is fine for their lesser works.

  51. It’s all the Podesta emails. DC in an elitist cult that takes care of it’s own. People made fun of those book about America divided into regions, with the Capital city being the hub of government elite. It was dead on what DC is becoming. The movie was popular, so no one wanted to discuss those themes. Hollywood probably hated and tried to suppress all that shit.

  52. The compensation package must be better than it looks.

    I should tour some of the DC burbs again.

  53. Hunger Games, Car in?

  54. I would hope that this kills her candidacy, but I have my doubts. It’s almost too late at this point. LIVs won’t pay enough attention, and the media will hide the story as much as they can.

  55. A lot of people have early voted already, and are now defending their vote to everyone else.

  56. Corn on the cob today. Corn on the log tomorrow.

  57. I wonder if it’s occurred to anyone that if Trump was as careless with his email and communications as Clinton, he would be out of business, and destitute. She had the government to prop up her mistakes, and cover them up.

    One more reason to get more free enterprise in there.

  58. The end justifies the means. It’s in the democrat/media playbook.

    To them, they are doing good work, if only the rest of us would just get out of the way.

  59. Yes, right. Hunger games.

  60. I got to work early for a 1300 procedure so I’m killing time in the physicians lounge. We’ve had major construction here which is still ongoing and, in the end, it will be worth the hassle. There’s a big entry way atrium and on the second floor there’s a gallery overlooking the entry. The lounge has an enclosed dining area about 20 x 40 feet that can only be entered via the locked inner part of the lounge. No one ever sits here as far as I can tell. I predict it will be opened for general use within the year. That’s what I would do if I was in charge.

  61. Wife’s office got broken into. They stole her pain medications, but left the laptop she had in another drawer. Police just got done there, as they tried to get into their safe, too.

  62. So, the teen that got the texts from Weiner is NOT happy about the investigation being reopened.

    Daily Kos and Buzzfeed have it. How long until this is a women’s right issue? She clearly blames Comey, and is saying it’s completely political.

  63. She’s a fucking fifteen year old kid. Who gives a shit what she thinks?

  64. Abedin told FBI agents in an April interview that she didn’t know how to consistently print documents or emails from her secure Dept. of State system. Instead, she would forward the sensitive emails to her yahoo, and her email linked to Weiner.

    Abedin said, according to FBI documents, she would then access those email accounts via webmail from an unclassified computer system at the State Dept. and print the documents, many of which were classified and top secret, from the largely unprotected webmail portals.

    How did this case ever get sidelined? Lots of stuff in this story. But just this one, which had to do with classified information, should have been enough to keep this open.

  65. And the FBI KNEW about Weiner’s email, judging from that statement.

    And NOW it’s political?

  66. A 15 year old skank with mental issues. As a 15 year old you don’t think Anthony Weiner is hot unless you have horrible daddy issues.

    He has the face of a frog. And regardless of what he thinks his body is not that of a buff college athlete. Oh, and Anthony, keep your boners to yourself. Also, posing with a boner AND son is a real turn off if you are a heathy high schooler.

  67. A 15yo kid who sexted with Wiener. Her opinion has negative value.

  68. First of all, the young scrunt did not write that letter. Some lefty asshole, probably her mom or dad, wrote it.

    Second, whoever wrote it is under the mistaken notion that the FBI is there to protect her. No, that was her parents’ job. The FBI exists to investigate crimes.

    Anthony Weiner is the criminal, and it’s looking more and more likely that so are Hillary, Bill, Huma, Cheryl, and Chelsea.

    But this is what the left does. Put the victims on display for political gain.


  69. Or any age female.

  70. And why hasn’t Weiner been charged? He texted his weiner to a minor.

    The motherfucker should be locked up, and so should his muzzie wife.

    Clinton did not know how to print emails, but we’re supposed to trust her with national security.

    The fucking democrats/media are criminally insane.

  71. You know they are going to try and deflect this. Doesn’t matter if she wrote it or not, or if shes 15. Only matters that she’s a girl.

  72. Haha, the comments at Kos indicate that the media is completely right wing and that if Weiner were a republican he’d still be in office.

  73. Don’t forget, Hotspur, she’s the smartest woman ever and the best prepared to be President.


  74. Don’t forget, Hotspur, she’s the smartest woman ever and the best prepared to be President.

    As long as she has a martini and Huma to run her fax machine and print out emails.

  75. I have been working in Banking for far too long. I looked at the Chicago Cubs logo and wondered why they have put their sponsor’s (Union Bank of Switzerland) name so prominently on their logo.

    Apparently UBS is not their sponsor.

  76. Pretty sure Weiner is being investigated for child abuse by virtue of having a 4 yo in his sexting pictures.

    The 15 yo is a whole other kettle of fish that stinks like trichomoniasis

  77. I always thought Watergate was democrats’ feigned outrage to get rid of Nixon.

    But to them, this Clinton shit is a vast right wing conspiracy.

    Blow me.

  78. It stinks like cabbage, urine and farts.

  79. Acquaintances with security clearances are disgusted with this “investigation”. If anyone else had classified documents on a personal computer, they’d be in jail. Intent doesn’t freaking matter. Just the fact that the emails are there is criminal, it doesn’t even matter how they got there.


  81. The most common symptoms among women are:

    vaginal discharge, which can be white, gray, yellow, or green, and usually frothy with an unpleasant smell
    vaginal spotting or bleeding
    genital burning or itching
    genital redness or swelling
    frequent urge to urinate
    pain during urination or sexual intercourse


    It stinks like cabbage, urine and farts.

    Maybe Hillary has an STD!

  82. Pepe, I’m within that circle on the Venn diagram.

    They’d already have tried, convicted, and executed me, then billed my family for the bullet.

  83. Don’t be ridiculous, we don’t charge for the bullet. We use much more expensive drugs!

  84. But, I love candy corn and sugary pumpkins and Smarties…..

  85. You’re still allowed to request a firing squad at the federal death penalty level, iirc. That would be my choice.

  86. Teresa, you’d love the leftover candy around my house. Anything chocolate or chocolate like disappears first. Then the internal bargaining begins where you talk yourself into the other stuff.

  87. Alton Brown put out a recipe on how to make candy corn. I need to try it.

  88. On DU they are disgusted with this whole Clinton scandal/ investigation. They want to ‘drain the swamp,’ too, but when they say it, they mean the corrupt FBI which is full of rabid rightwingers who destroy good people’s lives.

    I like visiting Bizarroworld from time to time.

  89. I like visiting Bizarroworld from time to time.

    Just don’t forget to shower afterwards.

  90. Sharp stick in the eye.

  91. Because the FBI entrapped her by getting other countries to enrich her to the tune of 9 digits and forced her to blatantly and aggressively mishandle classified information and destroy the nation of Libya.

  92. Hahhahahaha

    KKK sign at the World Series.

    Jeebus Fucking Titty Christ

  93. What about the backwards K? Is that more racist in bizzarroworld?

  94. The backwards K denotes a lynching when the guy was just looking.

  95. Guy on Rush’s show made a good point. Anthony and Huma could both be facing prison charges.

    They are probably going to offer Anthony a chance to stay out of jail, and raise his kid, if he turns on Huma and Hillary.

  96. Can Obama pardon them?

  97. How’s it going to be for the poor kid when he starts school and learns that his dad is a sex fiend pervert, and his mom is a criminal?

  98. Better start teaching the kid to box, right now.

  99. How’s it going to be for the poor kid when he starts school and learns that his dad is a sex fiend pervert, and his mom is a criminal?

    Chelsea didn’t seem to have any trouble at Stanford.

  100. Oh my, someone go get the burn cream. I think we’re gonna run out.

    Well played!

  101. Pretty sure that was leon’s fault.

  102. ‘scuse me, time to go on a scavenger hunt…

  103. If I were Obama I would pardon Clinton, for a $150,000,000 donation to my foundation.

  104. Scott, said it the other day, if there is an upside to all of this, Obama is out in 3 months

  105. Chocolate Necrosis

  106. Sickening!

  107. This will make you feel a little better about Trump

  108. Liberals everywhere are busy building paper mache Trump puppets

  109. Jimbro, see he’s already creating jobs!

  110. Any new revelations yet?

  111. Besides that Hillary is a fucking liar.

    But really what more do you need to know?

  112. Man, the guy standing next to me is so light in the loafers, he’s practically flying.

  113. You suck. Smarties are AWESOME.

  114. Your other happy thought is this “Supposing this takes Bill and Hill/Clinton Inc. down, what’s stopping Barry and Michelle from stepping in and filling that void?”

    Bonus points if you figured out that any investigation of them or mention of them refining the Clinton Inc. formula is “RRRRRAAAAACCCCCIIIISSSSSTTTT!!!!11!”

  115. My neighbor brought me over a bottle of home made honey. CUtest bottle ever. I have sweet neighbors.

  116. Get it? Sweet?

  117. I normally don’t pay attention to trump cause blah blah blah……but, in that video scott poated, trump knocked it out of the fucking park.

  118. Carin having to explain her “jokes”.

    *looks around


  119. See? This is why I drive by your office.

  120. *smooooooch*

  121. Get a room.

  122. I am getting Clinton bad news withdrawal symptoms. If a new piece of news does not hit every few hours, I get antsy

  123. You’re not the boss of us.

  124. I heard Hillary likes to eat raw kittens. with ranch.

  125. Obama ate a dog.

  126. It’s been a little quiet, and Friday – Sunday aren’t good days for leaks.

    Monday will be nuts.

  127. You heard wrong. She doesn’t eat kittens. She eats pussy.

  128. With ranch?

  129. Big difference.

  130. With raunch.

  131. Gross.

  132. Thread interrupted, just to remind you of one of the greatest movies ever made.

  133. Rush opined that the Pickles camp will release whatever they have on Trump tomorrow to let their allies in the media flog it all weekend on the news shows.

  134. Crap. He’s right.

  135. Trump said pussy.
    Trump called a cow fat.
    Trump went bankrupt.
    Trump got divorced.
    Trump had an affair.
    Trump loves Putin.
    Trump screwed contractors.
    Trump was for the Iraq war.
    Trump has a toupe.
    Trump is fat.
    Trump didn’t release his tax returns.
    Trump disparaged a muzzie family whose son died in some Middle East shithole dump.
    Trump is a racist.
    Trump ate a baby.

    Madame President —> 2016!

  136. You’re not the boss of us.

    A relief for us both, I’m sure.

  137. The hostage theme song

  138. Theme song remix

  139. Hillary’s Vile Cunt —> 2016!!!

  140. Basically, by the democrats’ logic, Cankles was qualified to be president the day she was born.

  141. Election Day 2016: Punt the Cunt


  143. A man could have a real good time in Vegas with all that…

  144. “I was getting more and more angry over it,” said Nelson. “I thought, ‘what would it smell like?’”

    I don’t know, a combination of boiled cabbage, urine, and farts?

  145. My fake double starts in a few hours.

    Good night day people (and Brad).

  146. Huh, look at the time. The clock got away from me.

    One last nontroversy to end the day, Starbucks “Unity Cup”…one continuous line to show we’re all together. Yeah, whatever, big whoops. Media is selectively publicizing angry tweets from conservatives that took the bait and reacted to it.

  147. Jay, Mr. RFH has been brewing for more than 20 years. I think XBrad and Cuffy drank home brew at the mini-meat-up here.

    Also, one of the engineers I’m working with is an Iowa State grad. He said you make great pizza.

  148. BiW may have his leg in a walking cast, but he is still kicking my ass in Fitbit steps. I had a good day with 8,300+, but I will probably be 2,000 short.

  149. Pretend a large spider is chafing you.

  150. Biw busted his walking cast, but he better get it fixed.
    He’s rocking his fit bit…

  151. I hate it when the spiders chafe me.

  152. Heh, Mr. RFH could teach me some lessons, then.

    If your friend has been here in the last 27 years, i probably made one of his.

  153. Whiplash is on

  154. I’ve taken my bows
    And my curtain calls
    You brought me derp and fortune and everything that
    goes with it
    I thank you all

  155. I don’t know how you people do this.

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