Every year when the kids bring their Halloween loot home it is the time-honored job of parents everywhere to sort through it to make sure there are no hidden razor blades, needles or doses of LSD hidden among the goodies (among other apocryphal tales). So what if the price for this vigilance is a Reese’s peanut butter cup or two. It’s for the children dammit! Anyway, after the parental gleaning and the kids’ sugar-fueled orgy the old candy bag begins to look a bit forlorn within a few days. Certainly by a week after you’re left with the dregs of Halloween. Around my house the leftover crap usually migrates to a corner where it’s looked at every so often in the hopes someone missed a choice piece. It’s also a testimony to the shifting values placed on certain candies. Whereas a couple of weeks ago you turned your nose up at the box of Dots, come mid November you’re willing to try them on for size. Here is a gallery of what I consider to be some of the candy dregs of Halloween. What are yours?
The first entry is bound to be a bit controversial. Sure, most everyone likes a handful of candy corn once a year as a rite of passage, but to eat it by choice? And trying to tart it up by adding mini pumpkins? Stoopid. C’mon man!
The next entry is universally despised. No one knows who, other than first time tasters, actually eat Smarties.
The NECCO (actually Necco. So sue me) wafers are usually the “fun size” which has to be the most inappropriate use of that term I’ve come across recently. Fun fact: NECCO stands for New England Confectionery Company or some such bullshit and they’re made in my state of origin, Massachusetts. Lesson over, they’re as much fun as eating a piece of classroom chalk with a paste chaser.
These are a special edition of Dots I’ve never encountered before. The usual multi-colored Dot candy that promises to be soft and chewy has been replaced by a black licorice substance here to make the “Bat Dot“. In a stroke of brilliance they’ve managed to combine two of the most hated candies into one. True story: A dentist invented Dots.
I’m on the fence about this one. Eating one or two a year for old times sake is grand. But handing them out for Halloween? Criminal!
(You’ll note the small logo of NECCO on the wrapper. It’s a conspiracy)
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