MMM 244: Minimal Text Edition

Tired, sore, typing sucks.  Going to go read.

Monochrome and veiny.

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Volleyball season has ended, sadly.

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Cute hair.

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They sell a little portable version of this to hang in a hotel room doorway.

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Socks.

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Ready to punch.

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What the heck is this bottom made of?  Plastic?

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This week’s cultist.

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Perfect woman.  Robust haunches AND she’ll push your truck.

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I think kettlebell swings are  supposed to end at your eye-line.  She’s gonna wreck her rotator cuffs.

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How’d this get in here?

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Real or aftermarket accessories?

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And we’re done.  Go have a Monday.

159 Comments

  1. Good God. This Monday post has more hidden-scrote in it than usual. The first and last ones are the most obvious ladyboys.

  2. There’s a glow on the horizon

    THERE’S A GLOW ON THE HORIZON!

    *runs around banging a pot with a wooden spoon*

    EVERYBODY UP! GLOW! HORIZON!

  3. Seriously though, if there was a mirror behind the guy in the first picture, we’d see his sausage tucked back inside the bikini.

    The gentleman in the last pic has so much pork he has to hold it back there with his hand.

  4. I hate you all so much.

    *throws a quarter into Carin’s copyright bucket*

  5. Heading off to school. Ciao ragazzi.

  6. *peeks out from under covers*

    Is she gone?

  7. Eek!

  8. Interesting theory on the Hill/Bill relationship:

    http://thezman.com/wordpress/?p=8765

    She steals to get his attention.

  9. a-HA!

    *gives puppy noogies and then runs off*

  10. Correct as usual, lauraw.

    Also, not plastic. Pleather.

  11. I was awake from 330 to 5, then managed to get to sleep again until 7, then I had to do the dishes and make coffee and catch up on the thread.

  12. Next time I’m just going to get up at 4 and stop trying.

  13. *throws a quarter into Carin’s copyright bucket*

    /Rattles tip jar

    Hey, I’m making money before I’m even awake :)

    wakey wakey

  14. Two versions of kettlebell swings. Russian which end at your eye and american which go all the way up.

  15. No one’s home. Time to check out what my new computer speakers can really do.

  16. I may be stuck here all day. Awesome sound and a dog at my feet.

    I just need someone to bring me coffee…

  17. I don’t think anyone has ever brought me coffee. My wife brought me a beer once.

  18. We alternate: if I’m up I refill, same with Paula. The real goal is having Boy #2 do it.

  19. Well, no one’s brought me coffee yet today.

    My kids have fetched me coffee. You are years away from that, though.

  20. I have a trained mini gorilla that brings me coffee.

    His name is Okembebutu.

    It’s Swahili for ‘Stands with a Fist.’

  21. ^seems racist

  22. There’s a glow on the horizon

    The light under the door…

  23. ^you see how Lauraw is? I got blamed for that, but she was egging me on.

    Somehow.

  24. God, I hate you people so much.

  25. Pictures of receipts, yay.

  26. Oso? Is that you?

  27. So , I ordered a ramp for Moose (who doesn’t’ like getting in the car). It said to first train him to walk on it flat on the ground. Lesson went well. With treats I got him to walk on it – took some doing. But I can’t wait until he happily goes into the car!!

    he’s such a pain about it. And he’s really too big to force.

  28. Cut a good chunk off the top of my thumb yesterday. Still bleeding. Guess I had it wrapped up tight enough last night.

  29. Any statement from Hillary’s campaign on the NC firebombing or are they too busy clapping each other on the back and Muttley-laughing?

  30. I had to scan last week’s travel receipts so we can bill the customer.

  31. Someone took the Chipmunks’ records and slowed them back down. Funny or really metal, you decide.

  32. * shows Moose a hamburger *

    *throws it in car*

  33. Fixt the embed. Derp.

  34. Who gave me the ebola?
    Felt buggy on Thursday. Throat hurt off/on Friday and Saturday.
    Feel gross today. Yakking green.

    Gonna do some steam and hot tea. FUUUU!
    *shakes fist at whatever*

  35. * shows Moose a hamburger *

    *throws it in car*

    You don’t think i’ve tried that? He loves food. I bought some doggie crack treats (freeze dried liver) and he would try to stretch to get them, but when he realized he could reach ’em (w/o hopping into the car) he gives up.

    Of course, perhaps if I tried putting a chicken in the car … he hopped right up into the coop yesterday.

  36. breakfast – chicken broth

    I think I screwed up by going to the neighborhood bonfire and getting chilled, on Sat.. Shoulda just said ‘hi-bye’ and soaked in a hot bath instead.

    Neighbor lady I thought would be sympathetic to hillary, can’t stand her.
    Only one Hillary sign, on the route to Target. Another house has a sign for the dem candidate for governor. No other signs anywhere.

  37. There are two HIllary signs down the road from me. That’s it out here. We’re Trump country pretty much. There is one “Vote for Nobody” too – which – hilarious.

  38. Carin, your dog is retarded. Trade him in.

  39. Look, as big as Moose is, I don’t see why you don’t just hitch him to the fender and have him pull the car. Save on gas that way.

  40. He’s not retarded. Actually the steps to the coop are wide enough to give him confidence. He’s got a HUUUUGE ass – he’s not sprightly.

    It’s not just me.

  41. They just can’t hop in.

  42. there are 2 trump signs in the area – no hillary & a couple of bernies left over

    1 hillary for prison

    nys is reliably dumblecrap, so she’ll win 70/30 80/20 105/-5: it’s just a matter of how many dead ppl vote this time. the county by county rundown is always interesting ’cause all of the upstate counties go republican but we get swamped by NYC, Albany, Rochester, Buffalo, and the south side of Syracuse.
    Bright beacons of blue in a sea of red.
    Upstate land owners get smoked by the urban entitlement class. We pay the bills and they tune up the band for the party.

    i wish we could saw nyc off at the neck and let it float out to sea

  43. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  44. Need more detail from Jay:

    Dominant hand or non-dominant?
    Cut with what?
    Clean or contaminated?
    How much skin is missing?
    Full thickness?
    Tendon or joint capsule visible?
    What’s your blood type?
    Cash or Obamacare?

  45. Jimbro should probably cut the rest off.

  46. Dominant hand or non-dominant? DOMINANT
    Cut with what? A ZOMBIE GOT ME
    Clean or contaminated? CONTAMINATED
    How much skin is missing? ONE WHOLE BITE
    Full thickness? YES
    Tendon or joint capsule visible? THEY’RE HANGING OUT
    What’s your blood type? I THINK I’M NOW Z, FOR ZOMBIE
    Cash or Obamacare? CHARITY

  47. I’m not getting in there, other dogs will think I’m a lesbian.

  48. I’ve got a special scanner for Type Z patients.

    “Here, look into this barrel. Do you see anything in the barrel? Oh yes, it smells a little like gunpowder, that’s what many patients say!”

  49. *goes to the free clinic next to the ghetto bar*

  50. Dominant hand or non-dominant? Non dominant
    Cut with what? really sharp knife, by thumbnail
    Clean or contaminated? clean
    How much skin is missing? 1/4″ X 1/8″
    Full thickness? 1/8″
    Tendon or joint capsule visible? nothing visible
    What’s your blood type? o+
    Cash or Obamacare? insurance that hasn’t been infected by obamacare yet, except for raised premiums and deductibles and co-pays.

    Hadn’t planned on a Dr. visit yet. Wrapped it up pretty well last night, so I wouldn’t have to clean up bloodstains.

    Single bandaid today, seems to be contained.

  51. BRAIIIIIIIINS!

    Ooops, was that out loud?

  52. Ouch. Been there.

  53. Judging by how tender it is, I think I’ll skip the workout, just in case.

    *buys ice cream

  54. Just rub some dirt on it.

  55. Please oh please let Jay be Patient Zero of the zombocalypse.

  56. I’ve been watching The Walking Dead. Some of the characters are dumber than the zombies.

  57. *bites all the possums around leon’s house

  58. Moose ramp update:

    Put the ramp outside on the deck (up two stairs) and he went right up.

    *tries to contain excitement.

  59. Rx: Dirt. If it’s too dry to stick spit in it to form a paste.

  60. I’ve been watching The Walking Dead. Some of the characters are dumber than the zombies.

    So you appreciate the realism. Yes, people are very very dumb.

    Doing stupid things when faced with a zombie apocalypse is a metaphor for people making all the stupid decisions everyday. Sleeping with asshole men w/o birth control. Going to college for “queer studies”. Etc.

  61. Taking out $80,000 in loans for a social work degree.

  62. Does it have to be Dr. spit, or will any spit do?

  63. Zombie spit.

  64. Hmm, what’s the code for dirt and spit?

  65. D&S Solutions, LLC

  66. Spit from a virgin

  67. Spit from a virgin

    he’s a dead man….

  68. Taking out $80,000 in loans for a social work degree.

    Niece is going to a small private college for a social work degree. It’s $40 something grand a year. Her parents are footing the bill…though she does have some scholarship money. She plans on working with the elderly, not obama sons.

  69. My brother’s wife got a degree in social work. Spend about 10 months on the job and decided she hated it. I think she works at a fabric store now.

  70. So I hate losing things, it drive me insane. Earlier today I was walking around the house with a piece of paper in my hand, while talking to a customer on the phone. When the call ended I couldn’t find the paper.

    I search room to room, twice. Nadda.

    Did I say this drives me crazy.

    So I start the room to room for a third time, looking in the stupidest places.

    30 minutes later I find it, under the couch.

  71. Car in, that sounds like the same story the furniture salesman from Macy’s told us while shopping for beasnette’s sofa.

    His daughter majored in social work and quit after a year or two. It killed her morale and faith in humanity. Fraud, abuse, and people worse than animals.

  72. George Zimmerman must be a total asshole.

    2 people have tried to kill him in only a couple of years.

  73. Wish this thing would scab over already, what a mess!

  74. My mom has a degree in English. She never worked outside the home until I was already grown. My dad went bankrupt trying to raise cattle and she had to get a job until he could get back on his feet. She worked welfare for about two years and quit due to her total disgust with the underclass.

  75. New Skin might help, it might hurt like a mofo too.

  76. Get a propane torch, a long thin piece of metal, and a piece of rope to use as a tourniquet

  77. I knew you guys would help me out.

  78. *gets flamethrower*

    Stick your thumb out and hold real still.

  79. my wife has some pretty tough days at the clinic she’s at –
    they service (heh) a large percentage of the medicaid population in the area because many of the private practices won’t take/deal with them. If they get lippy or whatever they suddenly get labeled as “at risk” pregnancies and have to go to the perinatal center. Weird how that works.
    The docs, nurses, moa’s and staff are damn fine ppl for putting up with dullards treating them like servants.

  80. Did you watch the new Project Veritas video at AOS?

    How can the media keep ignoring this?

  81. Because they’re Democratic operatives with bylines.

    Fuck it, the progressives aren’t my countrymen… they’re the enemy. They should be shot.

  82. You know, in a sane world this kind of shit would be Pulitzer material.

    “Campaign colludes with radicals to stir up violence at opponent’s rallies.”

  83. jay did you clean it out real good?
    i hear peroxide works well.
    but first you’ll want to soak it in salt water….

  84. Can’t I just use jalapeno juice?

  85. O’Keefe has been so maligned by the left, the media won’t touch his stuff with a ten foot pole.

    I admire hs tenacity, but at this point, we’re the only ones who will see, or care about his work.

  86. Same way with Breitbart.

  87. Han Solo was right. It’s all true.

    Everything we’ve suspected but never knew for sure has been revealed in this election.

  88. huhn – the japs own jim beam:
    http://www.fox28.com/story/33394589/jim-beam-workers-reject-new-contract-offer-as-strike-looms

  89. *stocking up on Jim Beam*

  90. Everyone’s out stocking up I guess

  91. and cooking pickle juice chicken on the Pork Butt Cooker.

  92. PJC on the PBC?

    PJCC?

  93. Lunch was soup and pulled pork tacos.

  94. Dinner yesterday was a PBC chuck roast. Delicious as always.

    Never had one that small (4#) stall until yesterday. Interesting.

  95. PBC got overwhelmed with chicken drippings.

    On to the Weber.

  96. BBQ Pork chops on the grill. Everybody else is eating pizza.

    I grill for me.

    ME.

  97. Does Moose fetch? Nessie will follow a ball or frisbee to the depths of heck. Strong chase instinct. Never had a get in the car problem, except she tries to kill everything she sees out the car windows.

  98. BBQ sauce was meh. Whiskey maple.

  99. BBQ Pork chops on the grill. Everybody else is eating pizza.

    I grill for me.

    ME.

    Are you sure this is your real family? Have you checked the attic for very large, suspicious-looking pods?

  100. Hillary has 0 public appearances until the election.

    She has learned people hate her.

  101. Abolish The Office

  102. Podesta wants her hidden. She’s already ahead. Public appearances can only detract from her lead, not expand it.

  103. I agree. It’s a good idea to run out the clock.

    Maybe they’ll force through Amnesty as a tax bill. That would be incredible.

  104. Although I want to believe that Trump is sitting on a huge October surprise. But let’s face it, he isn’t too bright.

  105. I’ve accepted that Hillary! is going to win. I hope and pray for a miracle, but at this point I think our country is screwed.

  106. He’s not “Crazy like a Fox”.

    His genius is in marketing, which isnt all bad in an executive but this moment in time may pass him by.

    We’ll soon see.

  107. Are you sure this is your real family? Have you checked the attic for very large, suspicious-looking pods?

    I have an ATTIC?

    No, I’m just trying to cut carbs, so when they want pizza or spaghetti or grilled cheese sandwiches I just grill something for me. I grill more than we can eat, so my lunches are leftover chicken, ribs, pork chops. Win win.

  108. I don’t think there could be a surprise.

    She’s so horrible that nothing can damage her except outright, verifiable, on tape racism.

    And even that would be most likely be excused.

  109. I keep wondering what Team Hillary is gonna drop on Tuesday, ahead of the final debate. Trump in a snuff film, or do they hold onto that one until the end of the month?

  110. It cant be all screwed w Herself in the Oval.
    Just screwed like your summer was SCREWED when you had to spend four years one summer at a rental in Muscogi because your father’s aunt was on her last hurrah and rich and bought the family a so-so lake house on a shitty lake in which you were to sit and act like you were having fun and getting tan.

    Also you hate your cousins who hallen to be said aunts very favorite people.

    Build a still

  111. It’s all so fake and people are so gullible.

    Trump touched my pussy 25 years ago but I can’t remember where, the exact year, or who I was with.

    FRONT PAGE BOMBSHELL

  112. She’s so horrible that nothing can damage her except outright, verifiable, on tape racism.

    Yup.

    DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE: VIDEO OF HILLARY SHITTING ON AMERICAN FLAG WHILE MAKING 9/11 JOKES

    [voters shrug] “Meh. We kinda figured.”

  113. It’s kind of perfect, if you think about it. Find someone who’s so repellant, that people have grown so inured to hearing about being awful for years that nothing bad is really left to discover about her.

    Then, get her husband to talk an insane caricature of a Republican to run against her.

  114. She has learned people hate her.

    And can’t wait until she can pay us all back in spades. She knows she now has free reign to do any damn thing she wants and noone will touch her. She has taken too much money from her billionaire friends for them to allow her to lose. Banana Republic.
    She’ll continue the purge of the military…..her access fees will double….she’ll plant more of her hacks throughout every agency…and fuck you.

  115. I still don’t think she wins.

  116. Scoot, I hope your hunch is correct.

  117. I hate Trump, but I want Clinton to die at Christmas dinner.

  118. Face plant right into the cranberries.

  119. Comment by Sean M. on October 17, 2016 7:31 pm

    Heh. Nice Country

    Thts true ScottW.
    Esta no finito sin quando gorda canta

  120. I am praying for another Brexit.

  121. Comment by Hotspur on October 17, 2016 7:52 pm

    Ringside tix; priceless.

  122. I think she’s very ill.

    There is still hope for a seizure at the next debate. If I were Trump I would induce one with a flash camera.

  123. i pray that scott is right

  124. I desperately want to see Trump’s shit-eating grin when he and 0 meet at the inauguration. Almost as much as I want to see Hillary have a seizure and start speaking in tongues on live TV.

  125. imagine if dj showed up with a sparkly disco tie that was battery powered –

    flashin’ like a mofo and send her into a seizure….

  126. /spittinimage

  127. I desperately want to see Trump’s shit-eating grin when he and 0 meet at the inauguration.

    Well, you mastered the homemade flamethrower. Time to get crackin’ on the homemade Alternate Universe Portal gun.

  128. /youcandoit!

  129. http://tinyurl.com/zlq8n4n

  130. https://is.gd/9GUXgF

  131. It’ll be easier to just keep taking ‘shrooms.

  132. Scott, a short article from a fire spotter in The Gila:

    http://www.laphamsquarterly.org/lines-work/talent-sloth

  133. Cleveland pitcher gave it his best shot and about a half-cup of blood. Dayam.

  134. https://is.gd/vJSlh4

  135. Pretty cool. When I was backpacking there the thunderstorms came in at 3 PM every day. We would start looking for cover around 2:30 and take a break.

    I have never been so close to lightning strikes.

  136. There used to be a fire spotter tower in the state park where we had a meet up. In the 70’s the spotters were long gone, but the tower was still there so we let ourselves in from time to time.

    I can’t imagine doing that 8 hours a day unless unlimited pot was part of the deal.

  137. Cool story, Pups.

  138. LawRaw

    So groovey.

  139. I hope and pray for a miracle, but at this point I think our country is screwed.

    There’s never been a lock that was this locked in Vegas.

  140. Scott, the Summer I held the mirrors on a survey crew in Chama was awesome, but scary at the same time. I really hated when the afternoon showers would roll in and I was holding metal rods that made me the highest point around. I preferred being the flag person on the road crew in the Brazos. Roomies dad owned both a sand and gravel company and a survey company.

  141. There’s a range of mountains in NM called The Jerkies? Why was I not informed?

  142. Seems like it is just Jerky. The writer pissing outside contaminating the aquifer made it plural.

  143. Jenkies.

  144. I don’t think the aquifer extends that far. Watershed. Gila water goes to AZ. Piss all you want!

  145. Jinkies!

    -Velma

  146. Dan just had to do “Black jack hands” to MaryAnn. She was vulching him for ham.

  147. blerg

  148. I invited an old friend to come look around here. Everyone act nice.

  149. Lurk or comment? Bullwhips? We gots to know!!!

  150. Well, she’ll probably lurk, but I invited her to join. NO ONE SCARE HER OFF.

    She’s very smart and wicked funny.

  151. She likes to keep her politics on the down-low for work reasons.

  152. We’ll be gentle. Honest.

    *switches content filter setting to Moderate before searching for farm porn*

  153. “Wicked funny”? WTF Car in?

  154. MOOOOOOM!!! CA RIN IS BEING A SOUTHIE JERKOFF!!!

  155. Hey car ins friend!! If you’re out there…..one question. What is the capacity of your lower intestine? Answer should be in the form of bullwhip units. Note: It is perfectly acceptable to round to the nearest dozen.

  156. When a good time turns around
    You must derp it
    You will never live it down
    Unless you derp it
    No one gets away
    Until they derp it

  157. I’ve been derping for you so long.


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