MMM 241: I have a squirt gun

A massive, 3.5gal reservoir, backpack-mounted, CO2-powered squirt gun.  I’ve also got a couple of mounting brackets and a propane torch with some aftermarket modifications.  Now, the clever person might surmise that the attachment of the latter to the former and the filling of the reservoir with something flammable… well, that could get super interesting and dangerous, couldn’t it?  It’s supposed to rain later, and I blistered my hands a bit yesterday cutting some of the phragmites a little further away from things that I might not want on fire.  The hardest part will be not cackling like a madman.

I can’t do this and that’s okay.


Ab veins.


Do women still get bellybutton rings?




Sepia monochrome.


Don’t like the duck face on this one.  Why does anyone do this?


Red hat.


Not a BBF candidate.




My arms were never this vascular.


Why would you make your phone look like money?


Happy Phragmites Armageddon Monday, everyone.


  1. Good morning.

  2. Finally!

  3. What Jimbro said.

  4. I think my finger is improving, but that whole hand is also swollen from a wasp sting on Saturday.

  5. Something’s up with squinting chick.

  6. Probably just the volleyball.

  7. No … that’s not it.

    I’m thinking the bikini bottoms are made with too-thin material.

  8. Well, I’ve been up for 4 hours. You think I can take a nap now?

  9. So, yesterday at work one of the semi-regulars decided he wanted to talk politics with me.

    UAW guy.


    I think the most outrageous claim he made was (tie) that Trump was the devil and/or the next Hitler.

    Then he recited Hillary’s long (cough cough) list of qualifications.

    Oh, and Syria had nothing to do with her, but he wanted to know what was up with that? HOw can this be happening.

    I finally had to tell him that I was restrained in my argument because I was WORKING and that if I was sitting beside him at the bar he would be hearing a bit more from me. When I would walk away – you know, to do MY JOB he would claim (to the person sitting next to him) that I was running away. She would inform him that I was walking away to WORK. You know. The reason I’m behind the bar.

    Not to be captive to his feverish ranting.

    He did tip me fat, though.

  10. If Trump were the next Hitler, he’d be ahead by more in polling, ditto for the devil.

    I’m surrounded by UAW here, Ford guys. 1 Hillary sign, a dozen or so Trump signs. He’s probably catching hell from his non-dipshit coworkers.

  11. Yea, therer was no reasoning with him. He left a few doozies fly, but since I was working there wasn’t really much I could do.

  12. That sucks. My normal work-politics problems were with co-workers rather than customers, at least he went away after a while.

  13. Morning.

  14. Dammit, it’s raining already. Should have thrown fire yesterday but the wife was away at the Renn Fest. Dammit.

    Clear tomorrow, raining again Wednesday. Tomorrow.

  15. I was astonished by the number of Bernie signs I saw here. I haven’t seen one Hillary sign or sticker.

  16. Most of the Bernie signs came down. None of the houses with Bernie signs put up Hillary signs.

  17. All the first time voters Obama got are not going to be second time voters. Hillary can’t win.

  18. I’ve only seen Trump signs which is not unexpected in my part of Maine. He’ll win here but southern Maine is reliably blue. We split our electoral college votes so he’ll get at least one.

  19. What I find striking is Hillary supporters who state, with absolute conviction, that she is getting their vote and then they dump on Trump. No second guessing their support for Pickles based on her shady past. No acknowledgement that she has some flaws. My med school buddy who came up to visit in August is a big fan of whatever Democrat is running and he was steadfast in his convictions that she was the best candidate out there. He’s a smart guy and prepared with counterarguments to any fact that would soil his candidate.

  20. At that time I think Trump was slamming the Gold Star parents who criticized him and Hillary was still hiding (not as public with the health concerns).

  21. Hitler was a socialist. Anybody supporting Hillary! should be informed that her politics are more to the right than Hitler.

  22. NC is now for Trump totally and completely. Nothing brings voters together like a good old fashioned riot.

  23. Hitler’s socialism in practice looked a lot more like Hillary’s corporate fascism.

  24. My father in law talks politics a lot.

    I’ve never met a more racist, incoherent, unhinged person in my life.

    He really thinks people that disagree with him are stupid, evil, and should be rounded up and gassed. I thought that was a cliche, but it appears to be true in his case.

    I usually don’t say anything because he’s an older man with no accomplishments in life and very little to look forward to.

  25. Phragmageddon!

    /falls back asleep

  26. Hitler was a socialist. Anybody supporting Hillary! should be informed that her politics are more to the right than Hitler.


    Why do people insist on compressing all political thought into one axis it’s dumb and useless and inaccurate and


    /grabs the flamethrower and goes to town

  27. …sorry. It’s a trigger.

  28. “Nationalism” is supposedly the right-wing part of the NaZi equation., but nationalism runs the gamut from “get off my lawn” to “the whole world is my lawn, starting with what’s under my neighbor’s house”.

    Hillary isn’t anywhere on that spectrum, she just wants all the cash for her crime syndicate.

  29. He really thinks people that disagree with him are stupid, evil, and should be rounded up and gassed. I thought that was a cliche, but it appears to be true in his case.

    I wanted to point out to this guy every times his statements were nothing more than ill-informed opinion.

    Alas, that made up just about pretty much everything.

    He’s been completely informed by opinion devoid of facts.

  30. Facts are old school.

  31. Facts don’t really matter. Its mostly tribalism.

  32. It was rather disappointing, because first he described himself as a “news junkie” and well informed.

    And then he vomited leftist fever crap.

    “So, you have actual DATA that Trump is the devil? And he’s going to gas the jews right HERE in the United States? “

  33. “Nationalism” is supposedly the right-wing part of the NaZi equation., but nationalism runs the gamut from “get off my lawn” to “the whole world is my lawn, starting with what’s under my neighbor’s house”.

    Trying to lump “nationalism” in on the utterly useless left-right axis is like saying sound is an aspect of purple (synesthetes notwithstanding). Nationalism-globalism is an axis on its own: Is the focus this nation or group, or otherwise? (I’d propose it’s not even the far end of the axis, tribalism is!)

  34. He’s probably a MSM news junkie.

  35. Black cop shoots armed black guy = race riots.

    Cop kills a guy who is trying to kill him = hands up don’t shoot.

    Nobody cares about facts.

  36. Exactly, Cavill. It’s a “how big is your circle” question, nothing to do with what’s inside the circle.

  37. I’m so old I remember when the left preferred narratives to facts.

    Now that they’re up against a world class bullshitter it seems to have swung back to facts.

    Funny how that works.

  38. OTOH, I’d say the modern American “leftist” is a globalist by default, so that means they define anything else as “right-wing” because they have no capacity for actual nuance.

    Is this right-wing or left-wing?

    The modern leftist would hate it because it isn’t globalist, and thus define it as right-wing. At the time, it was a “liberal” idea because of the massive economic freedom with which it entrusted private citizens.

  39. I have a tribe and they are pretty well defined. But not by color or economics.

  40. My tribe is your mom.

  41. A lot of modern “enlightened” Atheists don’t grok that Christianity is the only thing in the history of Western Civilization that let us overcome the tribalism and warfare that came before it. Without a belief like St. Paul’s statement in Gal 3:28, rooted in the notion that without adherence to this you are not going to inherit the Kingdom, there’s nothing that saves you from real, ugly, “scientific” racism.

  42. My tribe is a tribe called quest.

  43. The left-right spectrum is bullshit. Instead, I prefer to think of it as a triangle with the points marked “equality”, “personal freedom”, and “stability”. Progressives, Libertarians, and Conservatives fall on each of the respective points. Most people develop their beliefs as a balance between two of the competing forces, and discard one entirely. For example, most Republicans are balanced between stability and personal freedom. Most Democrats are between Equality and Personal Freedom.

  44. Leon, when you finally do try out your flamethrower, you need to have a bunch of speakers playing Motley Cru while you cackle.

  45. We have considered making Flamethrower Music Videos, Alex, but we’ll be adding the music in post-production.

  46. Remember to scream “WHO RULES THE WASTELAND?!”

  47. Squirtgun Blog

  48. /What are you planning to use as a thickening agent?

  49. Your mom knows new thickens me up.

  50. Autocrack is really fuckin up my life.

  51. If you have an hour and access to HBO NOW (this should be provided, free of charge by the government for entertainment equality purposes. No HBO, no peace!), you might want to check out a documentary about the Charlie Hebdo attack.

    It’s really well done.

  52. This is probably the finest squirt-gun blogging you’ll read all day.

  53. I haven’t been around much lately. I know you all miss me desperately.

    To make it up to you, I bought you one of these:

  54. To make it up to you, I bought you one of these:

    Please tell me you kept the receipt.

  55. It melted when I accidentally spilled water on it.

  56. i don’t know why i looked this up –

    “Charlotte tends to lean Democratic, but voters are friendly to moderates of both parties. Republican strength is concentrated in the southeastern portion of the city, while Democratic strength is concentrated in the south-central, eastern and northern areas.

    The city council comprises 11 members (7 from districts and 4 at-large). Democrats control the council with a 9-to-2 advantage,…”

    it leans with a 9-2 advantage – sweet

  57. MJ, I’m just going to say it, I don’t like your gift at all.

  58. Whoever is nearest to MJ, please kick him.

  59. Actually, MJ’s gift sucks ass!

  60. No wonder his father in law hates him.

  61. Trump should bring a camera with a flash and see if he can induce a seizure.

  62. One of the first things Trump will do is make fun of her podium.

  63. No wonder his father in law hates him.
    He actually really likes me. He isn’t aware that he’s talking about me.

    Why challenge a sad old man?

  64. So, he’s a liberal, MJ?

  65. I think he should call her ‘little Marco.’

    That shit is hilarious.

  66. He’s so far left it’s actually pretty funny. Kill all the oil executives, voting machines are all rigged, Republicans are all racist clan members that were molested by priests, etc.

    At one point during brunch after the wedding I caught him talking to my dad about global warming and had to tell him to knock it off. When I heard him continue and start bashing Trump I actually said in a very firm voice, ‘change the subject. I’m not going to ask again.’

    My dad just looked at him after hearing that there was no possible dissent from his highly educated opinions and stated, ‘I don’t believe anything that you’ve said,” then walked away.

    I lost my shit laughing.

  67. At one point during brunch after the wedding

    What the fuck is this shit?

    Brunch after a wedding?

    No. Just… no. All weddings should be followed by massive amounts of bourbon. And then you puke on yourself, slap the bride on her ass, stagger to your room half carried by her, and then she lies there in bed while you scream at your alcohol induced impotence, “GODDAMN IT! THIS IS THE FOURTH FUCKING QUARTER AND YOU’RE BEING CALLED IN TO THE BIG GAME! GET TO FUCKING WORK YOU LAZY PIECE OF SHIT!”

    Or that may just be the tradition in my dad’s side of the family.

  68. Whoa, MJ. Good for you though. Your beautiful wedding is not the place for him to share his superior views.

  69. Eh, we talked to him about it before. When he started being a jerk I wasn’t having it.

    No hard feelings from anyone. He gets that he’s a jerk.

  70. I’ve attended brunches the day after a wedding.

    I don’t recommend it.

  71. There was a cringe inducing toast, too.

    Remind me to tell you about it sometime.

  72. Nice podium. Where did you get it?

  73. He should compliment her on what a lovely tent pantsuit she is wearing.

  74. Is Bill here, or is he home dicking bimbos?

  75. Good job in Libya, really.

  76. He should clear his throat when she tries to speak.

  77. …or begin coughing uncontrollably.

    Then blurt out “J/K !!! Psych!!!

  78. Woah…..for a minute there I thought I was going to pass out.

  79. * crosses eyes *

  80. He should pay a building services guy to crank up the heat to 95.

  81. He should pat her on top of the head and ask her to go make some sammiches.

  82. I brought an extra bottle of water for you.
    Let me know if you get dizzy.

  83. Casually name drop.

    As in, ‘I had a good conversation with a black, special needs, gay, transwoman named Monica a few days ago. She’ll be voting for me…’

  84. How many fingers am I holding up?

  85. Did you ever get your shoe back?

  86. When that 3am phone call came in at Foggy Bottom what time was it in Benghazi? Go ahead and consult with Mrs. Weiner if you need to.

  87. You smell of gin and mothballs.

  88. I used to clip my kid’s mittens to his jacket so they wouldn’t get lost.

    You should clip your shoes to your pantsuits.

  89. People shouldn’t throw the elderly around.

  90. Do you have something in your eye?

  91. HAHAHAHAH Scott, I like the shoe comments.

  92. * looks at the floor behind Hillary *

    Does anyone have some sort of padding we could put down?

  93. I’m utensils Jitterbug will make you a custom nuclear football.

  94. Seriously, I would feel a lot better if you were wearing a helmet.

  95. I can’t see her eyes from here.

    Do they look OK?

  96. Ha!

  97. * waits for Hillary to make eye contact *

    Is she looking at me? I can’t tell.

    Which eye is the good one?

  98. I won’t be home until about 10:30, do if you guys could watch and summarize the debate live for me is really appreciate it.

  99. I am glad your grandkids didn’t get sick.

    When I have pneumonia I try to stay away from little kids, but that’s just me.

  100. Did you get your shoe back right away or did you have to wait a while?

    You should probably have Huma carry an extra pair.

    Next time you throw a shoe, BAM, no waiting.

  101. I bet it’s annoying walking on one shoe.

    Oh, wait…you weren’t walking.

  102. Mark Cuban might get up and try to start speaking. He’s totally insane.

    It would be awesome.

  103. I also think it’s hilarious that both the left and right are giving advice to Trump in every available column.

    Hillary has the biggest challenge in the world: to be likable.

  104. Do you only wear pantsuits because of your cankles?

  105. I just got a bill for quitting my job. I used too much leave in advance of accumulating it. Not a small bill.

  106. Surely technology is avail to Trump to conceal a small wireless jamming device, in order to disrupt her hidden speaker buds.

    Or someone could cause them to emit a really high pitch whine.

    She’d seize up an do a face plant.

  107. new poat.

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