Cheeto Doll Hands vs Pickles McShoutysick

Well well my groovy pets. It looks like another debate season is upon us. The one thing I’ve learned since last time, when Mitt the dog killing automaton who wears magical underwear, was dispatched by Barry the golfing, TV addicted slacker, is that the truth and actual policy has nothing to do with politics.

I’ve been reading columns from the intellectuals today and they are utterly convinced that Ol Lady Goofy Eye is just going to to overwhelm The Based Orange God with her superior knowledge of detailed policy.  The following quote is from Jim Newell, a semi literate blogger at Slate. I’d wager dollars to delicious cream filled donuts that his wife’s boyfriend just won’t listen to him and is voting from Trump. Harrumph!

In the Dec. 15 debate held in Las Vegas, CNN guest questioner Hugh Hewitt asked Trump which element of the aging nuclear triad he felt was most urgently in need of an upgrade. Trump’s response was a jumble of nonsense about Iraq and Syria that made clear he had never heard the term, which refers to land-, air-, or sea-based systems for delivering nuclear weapons. That’s not great. But it’s deeper than terminology: It was clear that he had never considered the question of nuclear arsenal maintenance.

Yeah Jim, we’d really like to know each candidate’s position on maintenance of the nuclear arsenal. If only Jim could explain to the guy on a date with his wife why this is so important. If he only knew how meaningful this issue is, he’d surely vote for Hillary! Too bad she turned her phone off and won’t be home until morning, smelling of water based lubricant and satisfaction.

I think people want two things: a president that is genuine and credible. You’ve heard me say this before, and I firmly believe these are the only two qualities that matter in life if you want to be successful.

So is Hillary genuine and credible? She’s credible, but she sure is shit isn’t genuine. It’s something she’s had 20+ years to correct and hasn’t done it yet. There’s no amount of reintroduction that can fix this problem. Hillary 9.0 is just like Hillary 1.0. Cold, boring, humorless, ambitious beyond reason, and broken morally. The current inhabitant of 1600 Penn Ave had her pegged right when he said, ‘she’s likable enough.’ But that ain’t gonna do it. People want more than ‘enough,’ which is probably how we got Obama in the first place.

Is Trump genuine or credible? I think he’s genuine, almost to a fault. It’s his sword and shield–sometimes to his great detriment. Credible seems to be a jump ball. I’m sure there are a lot of people that just can’t quite picture him as president yet. The upside is that he can still make the sale. It’s an open ended question that hasn’t quite been defined even though Hillary has been working on this since the summer (but remember, she’s not credible so she doesn’t get to define anything).

All Trump has to do is look credible. That’s it–a pretty low bar.

If you’re not up on our bet, the loser formerly known as Hotspur and I are engaged in a little wager; if Trump wins, he comes to Charlotte for a visit. If Hillary wins I fly up to Ann Arbor to hang out at the ghetto bar. Either way, it’ll be good to see my old friend, shake his hand, and tuck into  a nice hot plate of fish sticks. And that’s the only truth that matters ;)

Hillary descends the stairs to the debate stage:

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 UPDATE: Advantage Hotspur. 


  1. Excellent gif tie in.

  2. Trump’s EPA pick gives me hope. He’s already lost every demographic that would argue against it, and this might get him coal and oil union guys.

  3. I have never been happier to be at work. The power has been out at home since 7:30 this morning and their current estimate is that it won’t be back on for another hour and a half. It’s currently 103° here.

    Southern California Edison can eat a whole jumbo bucket of the fattest dicks.

  4. I must find a cajun version of Meathead.

    I picked up some cajun style andouille sausage and added it to Zatarain’s Jambalaya rice……OMG

  5. We won’t see 103 degrees for another decade or so. I’ve been on the other end of no power during the winter with temps below freezing. Work, with heat and internet access, is a relief from stoking the woodstove.

  6. It’s good in red beans and rice, too, scott. Personally, I like the Mahatma mix better than Zatarain’s, but they’re both pretty good.

  7. I’ll look for it.

    I love Zatarain’s. Pissed off that I didn’t discover it until my 50’s.

  8. It’s only 95 here, Sean.

  9. 65 here.

  10. Look at that pic of Hillary on Drudge, what is going on there?

  11. Bizarre that it would be cooler in the desert, b-rad.

  12. 65 and raining in my part of the desert today.

    Under no circumstances will I watch the debate tonight. Anybody with cliff notes afterwards would be appreciated. Especially if you don’t self-censor and leave all the references to HRC being a cunt in the original.

  13. I am watching.

    I am hoping for another seizure.

  14. I’m hoping SMOD makes an appearance. But I won’t have to watch to find out if that happens, so win-win!

  15. We are trying to find the MNF/Debate splitscreen. It is supposed to be avail on Apple TV. If not, debate on iPad. Car in, saw a video of Lapeer Freshman football singing the anthem after being told there would be no anthem.

  16. I’m not likely to watch. I try to avoid exciting TV right before bed.

  17. They’re now saying MIDNIGHT is when they expect to get power back up. Fuck these guys with a rickety homemade flamethrower.

  18. I’m not going to watch a cunt debate a tool.

  19. Seanm y’all might ought to consider buying electricity from a neighboring state that’s not eaten up with environazis. Ehhhh, I just spotted the flaw in that plan.

  20. Sean, WTF? I refuse to accept brown outs etc. fuck you! I want my AC! (ok, swamp cooler with fans, but fuck the green climate change motherfuckers. ) I care more about AC than the 1A.

  21. I really can’t decide. Right now I’ve got a light schedule for tomorrow but I’m on call. So watching it is possible. But Paula is upstairs watching MNF and the thought of watching any political debate is just not piquing my interest as much as crawling into bed beside her.

    If I knew Pickles would seize at exactly 9:54 PM I’d watch it. Anything good will be on video clips tomorrow and all of Hill’s “zingers” will be on constant rotation all day in the news regardless of their effectiveness. All I can hope is to wake up to a full inbox of email alerts describing Cankles medical meltdown and updates from the real hospital they’re forced to take her to since it happened on national television.

  22. Trump should demand publicly, before the debate starts, that the trigger warnings be taken down as they are an insult to the debate participants, and should ask Hillary to join him in the demand.

  23. I was aware of Fernandez as a pitcher. I pretty much ignored his backstory. My least favorite part of sports is “Story”. I have been in tears for 2 days, the more I learn about him. 2016 is the worst year ever.

  24. It’s actually a localized outage due to “equipment problems” in my neighborhood.

  25. Your mom gave my equipment problems

  26. Sean, WTF does that mean?

  27. Who the fuck knows? They never tell you anything. Oh, and now they’re saying they don’t send generators out anymore. So I guess it’s just “FUCK YOU, PAY YOUR BILL.”

  28. Likely, the local transformer (no, not a tranny hooker) melted down.

  29. Come oooooooon stroke….

  30. Think of all the money you’re saving not using any electricity right now, Sean.

    Also, just get a hotel room for the night.

  31. I’m not going to wish for that. But I won’t be unhappy if it happens.

  32. Sam’s Club has generators. Be prepared. We are all preppers now.

  33. Just a little one. Not debilitating but enough to ruin her chances.

    Of course, her followers would vote for a corpse because “HISTORIC!”

  34. Also, just get a hotel room for the night.

    If I have to spend just ONE night paying to sleep on sheets that someone else has masturbated all over, THEY win.

    It’s the principle of the thing.


  36. Is Riley okay in that heat??

  37. Geebus, how long ago did Andrea Mitchell die?

  38. She may be dead, but her skin is still growing.

  39. Did she fall face first in makeup material?

  40. He wasn’t super energetic, laura, but he was okay. if he lies on one of the tile floors, he stays pretty cool. Plus, we make sure he’s good and hydrated.

  41. “We?” Do you have a mouse in your pocket?

  42. Sorry, I can’t listen to her.

  43. Hillary was given the questions in advance.

  44. The rest of my family, laura. Since my mom has had problems with her hip and my dad still works, I stay with them so I can help her with household tasks that are difficult for her to do. Since I work a late shift, this arrangement suits us all pretty well.

  45. He is on the offense. I hope people don’t get put off by that.

  46. Ah, gotcha. Sorry, I’ve been out of touch a lot here lately.

  47. He is landing a few good blows.

  48. Sean, understood. But still, is there really a mouse in your pocket?

  49. So I see we got Clown Trump tonight.

    That will play well with the undecideds….

  50. Trump is making a fool of himself.

    It won’t matter.

  51. nice shot on the e-mails.

  52. Hillary isn’t helping herself either.

  53. If she doesn’t pass out, she wins.

  54. Does she even hear what she’s saying?

    “Donald must be hiding something for not releasing his tax returns. Just like I tried to hide stuff when i illegally deleted 33,000 e-mails.”

  55. Why don’t we talk about people your husband has stiffed?

  56. Sean, understood. But still, is there really a mouse in your pocket?

    It’s a vole.

  57. As long as Trump is defending his record, he’s losing.

    He needs to stay on her about the e-mails and her corruption.

  58. Police union and border patrol union have endorsed Trump.

  59. Yes

  60. Right here is where Trump should throw her “super-predator” remarks in her face.

    And she just lied 4 times in less than 30 seconds.

  61. She’s losing it.

  62. there it is!

  63. Crime is up almost 4% nationally and even higher in NY.

  64. Her grotesque skin is oking through that armor plated makeup. I think she is melting in front of your very eyes.

  65. whoa….

    If looks could kill…..

    Trump needs to triple his security.

  66. People chuckled at his subtle jab at her health.

  67. That was some pathetic applause line….

  68. I tried to listen, but I couldn’t listen to Shrillary voice and lies any longer.

  69. Really, Holt? The birther crap again?

  70. Go on offense, you fucking moron….

    Every time she brings up a legal issue, talk about her being under investigation.

  71. “Hillary, what do you have to say on the subject of ______”

    “Well, I think ______ is one of the most critical issues in this election….”

  72. Hillary is lecturing the country on cyber-security.


  73. She’s talking cybersecurity?!

  74. My bad. Got drunk and sugared up too soon. BRB

  75. Drunk OSO thinks Trump just won about his 10 yr old with the cyber BS

  76. Hillary tees up the cyber security issue, and he doesn’t even mention her unsecured server?! WTF?

  77. “I took out Bin Laden.”

  78. No one gives a fuck about foreign ISIS when they are here

  79. DJT dropping the oil bomb

  80. Shouting at the screen with all the shots he could have taken at her. Wall Street. Cybersecurity. Benghazi. Dayum.

  81. Probably should have studied.

  82. FINISH HER!!!

  83. Gosh, it’s almost like he’s not a serious candidate for president or something.


  84. Sweep the leg

  85. god, he’s a fucking idiot.

    so many blown opportunities so he could instead talk about himself.

  86. He invited one of the survivors from Benghazi to sit in the front row and never brings it up.

  87. Howard Stern’s name mentioned in a Presidential debate.


  88. I could have beaten pickles tonight.


  89. She’s the weakest candidate ever.

    Except for trump.

  90. Trump should offer to go another hour.

  91. I’m trying to view this as a total idiot.

    It’s possible he’s ok when viewed through that lens.

  92. Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, pieces of shit gotta stink. Even the YUGE ones.

  93. Hillary will disappear for another 30 days.

  94. Omg. The last question is why are you sexist.


  95. This is getting out control….

  96. WTF? “Will you support the outcome of this election?”

    What kind of idiotic question is that?

    Holt failed tonight.

  97. Lots of missed opportunities.

  98. Lots of missed opportunities.The

    If this is Teh Donald “bringing it!” to Hillary, he’s screwed.

  99. *looks for flights to AA

  100. Is anybody watching Fox? What is that pollster guy who talks to a bunch of people saying? Pl let me know. I have cut cable.

  101. Hillary: “You supported the Iraq War.”

    Trump: “stumblemumblemumblestumble…..duh”

    Better answer: “YOU VOTED FOR IT!”


  102. Todays debate, summed up in one gif.

  103. Only Ted Cruz, Rubio, Kasich, or Jeb would have done worse.


    Trump: “And then I was all, ‘Uhhhhh…Make America Great Again’ or whatever. You know, that nonsense.”

    Hillary: “HAHAhahAAAAHHHaaAAha! Cough! gurgle.”

    Bill: “Nanner puddin’!”

  105. It really sucks. I just want to work in a decent economy.

    Guess I’ll be waiting another 8 years.

  106. What’s worse than your dad’s funeral? Coming home to a flooded basement! Yay!

  107. I asked wife who won the debate as I chose to watch “Everyone Loves Raymond” reruns in the other room. She said ammo dealers and people who sell survivalist shit. Must’ve been impressive.

  108. Heh. Good one, Crispy.

    Sorry the shit keeps flowing downhill, J’Ames. How was the service?

  109. I watched football while drinking rum and cokes, eating a cheeseburger.

    Y’all should vote for me.

  110. You doing alright there, Jay?

    I wish you peace.

  111. I wonder if a flamethrower could dry out a flooded basement?

  112. Y’all should vote for me.

    Are you going to build anything and make some other country pay for it? Like, maybe a new pool funded by Chad? We could all have a laugh about that.

  113. I thought there was a pool at the White House. That should do for me. My first executive order would be for 59 bullwhips with the word “irony” burned into the handle to be inserted into Brother Cavil by the most expedient means available.

  114. So…you’re going to be known as “The Arts President”?

  115. Evening.

  116. I should be president because I know how to make concrete shoes.

  117. *very briefly wonders how one expediently inserts a customized bullwhip handle (or 59) into someones ass *
    *shakes head in a fashion reminiscent of jen jizz con kerry*

    *mosey’s along*

  118. “So…you’re going to be known as “The Arts President”?”

    ahhh –
    Presnitts Maplethorpe I presume

  119. So, the news of this murder broke over the weekend. The, um, twist, mentioned in the lede just came out today…

  120. Weird. I’m guessing the daughter and the Felix guy were banging like rabbits.

  121. Damn Edison, restore power!

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