Worst Funeral Activities

 

 

 

141 Comments

  1. Gardening

  2. Bobsledding

  3. Ziplines

  4. Good morning. Like fakeChad, Mr. RFH wants beer at his funeral/wake but has asked for a keg of something good. And no ties.

  5. Someone must have doubled the roofies in the drinks last night.

  6. Possum and mom are still asleep. Neither has had a good night’s sleep in days, so I may just let them keep on going.

  7. grumble grumble

  8. Good morning!

    It took me three readings before I got “the cop/guy” deal.

  9. Took a few for me too mare.

    Good morning fellow paste eaters and roofie huffers

  10. GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!! GORGEOUS DAY!!

    HOW ARE YOU ALL TODAY?!?

    *ducks shoe*

  11. Bingo

  12. Duck Duck Goose

  13. Musical Coffins

  14. Are we really doing this?
    OK.

    Vuvuzela dirge

  15. Ouija board

  16. Pronating the will.

  17. Probating. MF’n autocrack.

  18. Toenail clipping

  19. Shopping online.

  20. Eyeballing the deceased’s spouse.

  21. Hand jiving.

  22. Throwing gang symbols to your grandma.

  23. Morning.

  24. Guess who has a hot new poolboy boyfriend.

  25. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him actually being social, and we had a lot of fun last night, but there was this really old lady who got staggering drunk and very gropey.

    Me: *trying to keep her octopus tentacles away* Uh, I’m here with my date, ma’am.

    Her: Don’t be such a bitch. Just come home with me.

    Me: . . . We’re going to get you a cab.

  26. hand jiving has me in stitches

  27. It was very kind and understanding of you to do that for her, Jewstin.

    But if you were REALLY a good person, you would have made an old lady happy and thrown her the bone.

  28. OK, the south side of the garden is in shade now. Gonna run out there and take care of some stuff.
    ‘ta

  29. Yoga

  30. Agree with lauraw.

  31. Wakey wakey

  32. Today’s softball update may involve vomit.

  33. Supposedly there areMoose where we are. Haven’t seen any yet.

  34. Moose Hunting

  35. Keg Stands

  36. I miss Moose. :(

  37. Crossfit.

  38. Carin, Laura and Leon,

    Please don’t click on the below link.

    If you do, and go nuts, don’t blame me.

    https://is.gd/xH12vP

    Simple harmless video, not the usual Tushar link.

  39. >>But if you were REALLY a good person, you would have made an old lady happy and thrown her the bone.

    She didn’t want it thrown. She wanted it buried.

  40. https://is.gd/nYKmci

  41. Pie Eating Contest

  42. You’re probably right. There might even have been some money in it for me.

  43. She did have quite a nice car.

  44. Breakdance dance off.

  45. Xbrad, I know this lovely lady Gladys. You should meet her.

  46. Car in,
    If’n you are still in the UP, weather.com says you’re gonna die.
    Damaging winds, violent thunderstorms, and damaging hail.
    Trees & wires down, plagues of locusts, and Tushar kills a guy with a trident.
    OK, maybe I lied about the last two things…

  47. Farmbot is what you build when you suck at gardening and want a machine to do it for you.

  48. WE WON!!!!

  49. Grats, Wiser.

  50. woot woot !!!

  51. This charming anecdote for Jewstin only. The rest of you vermin skip down to next poat.

    Almost 30 years ago me, boss man, and another buck about my age havdto go out of town for a job. Gone about a week. All piled into one hotel room. Boss man has keys to company truck. Other than that, no wheels. Me and other young buck are in our mid 20s boss man is in his mid 40s and he loves to barhop and dance w ladies when he gets away from home sans wife and kids. We can either tag along w boss at night or park our ass at hotel and eat shit from hotel restaurant. He’s our only means of transport.

    One night we end up in c&w dance hall and nobody there is under 45 accept me and my bud. Most are sixty and up. Boss man is in hog heaven dancing it up w th blue haired horde. About midnight I’m a dozen beers in cause I’m not dancing w my granny’s crowd and there’s nothing else to do. I yell to my friend, “If I drink any more beer, I may fuck around and dance w one of these old gals”. No sooner are the words out of my mouth and this Estelle Getty looking thing grabs me by the collar and says, “Well cmon then big boy”. I was too nice to say no and went and two stepped her around the floor for about three songs. Her hair had so much aqua et in it that it scraped up my arm. Traumatized is what I was. Stayed at the hotel th next couple of nights.

    Now I’d probably think she was hot.

  52. How many teammates had to carry you to the pitcher’s mound?

  53. He made them take turns.

  54. That farmbot hipster beardo needs a wedgie and a wet willy.

  55. >>>Now I’d probably think she was hot.

    Happened to me 2 weeks ago. When I went to meet a patient with a broken arm before surgery both mom and dad were there along with grandma who was looking pretty good. She was probably younger than me considering the parents were pretty young.

  56. Are you getting shirts wiser? Letter jackets?

  57. I’m so old now that cougars don’t look at me. I have hit The Wall.

  58. Phone screen with client Monday or Tuesday. By client I mean the company I worked for until literally a year ago today.

  59. Ass pennies.

  60. We got off to a rocky start, but stayed in the game, scoring 4 runs in the bottom of the 7th to fire the game into extra innings, then won on a deluding error in the bottom of the 8th.

    WOO HOO!!!!

  61. A cougar once looked at me and lost his appetite.

  62. Grats Wiser. How many Indians do you forecast?

  63. What is a deluding error?

  64. Congratulations, Wiser!

  65. They sell something called a rag rug.
    Made from scrap fabric. India makes and exports a lot of it.
    Looks quite awful

    Rag Rug

    And now, we have a presidential candidate who spends thousands and wears these rags.

    Rag Rug

  66. Anyone following the wikileaks DNC stuff? Looks like Bernie was exactly what I thought he was: token opposition, bought and paid for to make it look like Hillary could win against someone. DNC froze out Jim Webb and kept Bernie around to act as a foil at Hillary’s direction.

  67. Ice Fishing

  68. >>>How many teammates had to carry you to the pitcher’s mound?

    I was fine. I’ve been trainibg for this game all season

  69. “Fielding error”

    >>>>Grats Wiser. How many Indians do you forecast?

    Sadly, none, as I am now working the sound for a graduation party.

  70. The lonk is a funny like ttle cartoon, but sensitive folks might want to stay away.

    On a scale of zero to freaky-dicky-Tushar-Link, I would rate this one a bit dicky.

    https://is.gd/JntgQr

  71. Set off bug bomb in bedroom. I’m sick of getting spider bites. Those fuckers itch for two weeks.

    Congratulations, wiser and wiserbud. Which one scored the most runs?

  72. I’ve caught a little bit of the DNC email scandal. My hope is that it will convince millennials to stay home in November.

  73. Not dead yet.

  74. http://tinyurl.com/zfl4xru

  75. Carin, do you still have a house?

  76. Got the book that Leon recommended today. Before I read it, I’m in the process of reading Dr. Jason Fung’s blog essays in their entirety, from the oldest archives to the newest. Utterly fascinating and heartbreaking. My nursing nutrition classes & the stuff they taught about treating diabetes is so tragically wrong. It’s been in front of our faces for years but only now is the Eureka! moment happening. Let’s hope it snowballs out of control.

    My grandmother didn’t have to take insulin shots every day. She didn’t have to worsen progressively. She didn’t have her legs swell up like tree stumps. Her kidneys didn’t have to shut down. She didn’t have to go through dialysis. She didn’t have to suffer. But all these things happened to her because ‘this is how we always do things.’ It was like a well-worn path everybody just gets herded down when this diagnosis happens.

    I remember recognizing some of the obvious contradictory information about diabetes and obesity management when I was (in my twenties) taking care of her. More recently I saw this stuff taught to us in class, but it’s no use discussing with the professors since the whole goal is to pass the test, period.

    If I can figure out a way to give a presentation to the faculty on this subject this next semester, I’ma do it.

  77. My mom is either prediabetic or fully type 2 at this point.

    I’ve tried. It’s no good. I don’t have a white coat and she’s my mom.

  78. Strip Poker

  79. The more insulin they get, the fatter and more diabetic-sick they get. So frustrating.

  80. Beer Pong

  81. Laura, you should do that, but only after the degree is safely in your hands.

  82. Hah! Yeah, that thought crossed my mind. Best tack is to just plant a seed and present it as ‘a controversial alternate theory.’ Unlike standard exams, in independent presentations we get more latitude to go outside curriculum. Usually. We’ll see.

  83. Funeral games

    “Pop goes the Grandpa”

  84. Spelling Bee

  85. Game of Life

  86. Dance battle

  87. Marriage proposal

  88. Chili cook-off

  89. Timeshare presentation

  90. Improv comedy

  91. Lamaze class

  92. Circle jerk

  93. Watermelon seed spitting contest

  94. Burping the alphabet

  95. Pickup basketball game

  96. Cosplay

  97. https://is.gd/SQb7Uu

  98. Sharktopus vs Whalewolf is some kind of awful

  99. Huh. I know it’s not really a guarantee, per se, but when a movie wins that many Oscars…

  100. Mumblety peg

  101. So we’re clearing out the glasses under our bar and we find a beautiful set of beer glasses with Budweiser logos on them, along with a glass pitcher with a Budweiser logo on it. In nearly mint condition.

    I offer them to my son, so he can bring them to school.

    “We’re not allowed to have anything with an alcohol logo on it in our rooms.”

    WTF?!?!?!

    No posters, glasses, bags, no ANYTHING with an alcohol logo on it.

    wtf is wrong with this world?

  102. Interesting point, J’Ames.

    On the other hand, not sure I’d be touting the fact that he seemed to be such great pals with Al Sharpton.

  103. Wiserbud,

    The world is run by silly ninnies is what’s wrong.

  104. I just thought it was funny, Sean.

  105. Suicide bomber injured 10 in Ansbach, Germany. Which is about 10 miles from where I was first stationed in Germany.

  106. OpEd in the Bangor Daily along the same lines as the “dark vision” meme

  107. Summer squash is a total bro vegetable. My Good King Henry never got going, so I tossed some 2yo squash seeds in that bed as a backup plan.

    I predict that I will be very sick of summer squash in a week or two, but right now, total bro, came through in a pinch.

  108. Squash, zucchini, eggplant. Grow like weeds.

  109. Coffin tipping.

  110. Xbrad, thanks for the link. I am so SQUEEEEE

  111. I just thought it was funny, Sean.

    Of course. But whoever put that together didn’t think it all the way through. That, or Sharpton is one of the only five black guys Trump knows.

  112. Probably true. He was a Democrat after all.

  113. Snaggletooth quit.

  114. Watermelon seed spitting contest

    Okay, it was at the wake, not the funeral, but my youngest brother won and one of my aunts gave him a run for the money.

  115. DWS will never go hungry a day in her life, but there’s every chance she’ll commit ‘suicide’ at some point given her new (explicit) employer.

  116. MMM @ 547AM.

  117. DWS in Ft. Marcy Park with a .38 for $500, Alex…

  118. Weightlifting accident.

  119. Heh. DWS’s replacement was Donna Brazile.

    And she’s already been fired.

  120. She did a pretty good job.

  121. Murdered by Rafael Cruz.

  122. Somebody up the street must have bought a new rice rocket.

    Every hour or two he flies by at speeds that sound like 2x-3x the speed limit.

  123. Hah!
    The latest “Splody Dope” tried to get into the music festival with 25K people but the guards wanted to look at his backpack, so he blew himself up outside the gates at the wine-bar.
    Dumbass…
    /Red

  124. Dang Hugenoughts.

  125. Scott,
    I’ve seen some of those here. You hear them coming, hitting the rev-limiter in the first three gears, then they go by at 45mph and 13K rpm, and not at all sure what they’re doing. It’s fascinating when they come back home, trying to master the downshift, and fucking it all up.
    I suppose it’s okay. I was young, once, but never that stupid.
    I should really take the cover off the Ducati and see if I can save the battery…
    NYTOL

  126. This wont last long, somebody will back out of a driveway in front of him.

    When you are going 100 MPH it’s kinda hard to see you.

  127. I shook Tushar’s hand yesterday and congratulated him on being one of us.

    That was pretty cool.

  128. If he’s anything like the dumbasses around here, scott, he’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt while he’s riding.

    Enjoy your skin grafts, buddy!

  129. Oh, and congratulations to Jewstin.

    I am happy for you.

    Out.

  130. Happy birthday, Patty Ann. Happy birthday, Michael.

  131. Cornhole.

  132. Matching (ass) pennies

  133. xbrad, link to Donna Brazile being fired?

  134. Sorry, just something I saw on twitter a couple hours ago.

  135. Father McKenzie, writing the words
    Of a sermon that no one will hear
    No one comes near
    Look at him working, darning his socks
    In the derp when there’s nobody there
    What does he care


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