Joke thread for a Saturday. College names, locations, mascots, fight songs.
May 7, 2016
Categories: #Problematic, alcohol . . Author: Pupster
Bill Clinton Women’s College and Fireworks Stand
Alex, how come only Ivy leagues have grade inflation? With all the affirmative action that goes on there, we end up with clods like Barack and Michelle touted as geniuses when they can barely right a coherent sentence.
It’s not just the Ivies, from what I’ve read. They just have the worst problem with it. You have a school full of kids who’ve literally never gotten a bad grade. They’ve been pushed by their parents, who’ve often provided tutors, extra help, gone to the high-school teachers to complain, etc., and who’ve taught their kids how to game the system. By the time the kids reach Harvard I don’t think they know how to react to getting a C.
Add in the SJW mentality that has infected the place, and all of a sudden giving little Susie a bad grade is a sign of patriarchal oppression. So she gets bumped up, and so is everyone else who is smarter than her just out of fairness.
Also, grade inflation probably has something to do with departmental politics. Student evaluations are all the rage nowadays, and getting a series of bad evaluations because you, gasp, demand students work hard and learn the materiel could have professional consequences. You may not get fired if you have tenure, but you could certainly face other consequences such as cuts in funding.
UC Santa Cruz is the Fighting Banana Slugs.
UC Irvine is the Fighting Anteaters.
The Fighting Trigglypuffs
There was no grade inflation in UM Eng when I went, but that was 20 years ago.
I’m surprised “Fighting” hasn’t been banned for triggering and being a patriarchal construct for the oppression of women and symbolic of rape culture.
East Las Vegas Technical College and Casino One-Eyed Bandits
Robert J. Byrd University Robert. J. Byrd School of Political Science Fighting Robert J. Byrds.
I would also put a school in Flippin Arkansas.
*gets drunk and punches random people to protest Notre Dame*
Joe Biden Finishing School
Colorado School of Mimes.
The brisket smokes.
Dinner will be awesome.
Brisket would be a good mascot for Flippin U, or pulled pork.
Trump University School of Etiquette and Diplomacy
Nancy Pelosi Beauty Academy
The Mare School of Righting Good.
The Surprised Economists
The Amish War College.
Columbia River Community College School of Fisheries Management Fighting Hookers.
Trump University Fighting Marks.
Dave’s not here man.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology Fighting Romneys.
Toad Suck Arkansas needs a university as well.
Brazzers University Lovin’ Lesbos.
Wiser is in good form today
Opened camp today. Plumber turned the water on last week and we had the dock put in 2 weeks ago. Waverunner is off for service. Just need some good weather. Pretty sure we’ll be there on Memorial Day weekend.
The black flies were awful. Black Flies would be a good mascot.
If Toad Suck AR gets a uni then so does Dime Box TX. A uni for the cheapest of hooks.
Bug Tussle, Alabama School of Music Fighting Banjos.
My comic shop gives me extra promo comics they get from the big publishers like DC and Marvel to give away in the office. The kids like it and it provides a distraction from unpleasant stuff at times.
I’m not sure since I was half listening but I think wiser hung up on TH today. I’ll need verification.
*hoping it was real*
I’m willing to step in as a sponsor if he really did hang up on TH3.
Stupid strawberry eating vermin.
My friend Chappy went to Phelan High.
So, last night after the smoke cleared (cerado la bocca) i was looking up real bands from the middle east and lo, I found the most kick ass band of Jimi Hendrix desciples ever.
These guys formed in ’79 and are Toureg Freedom fighters who fight for thier people AND play concerts around the world.
The very awesome band:
the Berkely Whining Vaginas
Great sound Chumpo. I like that stuff.
A little different, same theme
(I’m half kidding with the last one, it’s a little goofy, but the music is relaxing to my ears anyway)
UConn men’s basketball team had a graduation rate of 8% between 2006 and 2010.
Currently at 20%.
Stupid me thought they had to maintain a certain GPA,
I’m sure they have teaching assistants assigned to them who do almost everything but take the exams for them. Probably not STEM majors either.
A few went for the big bucks of the NBA
“As a graduate student at UNC-Greensboro, Willingham researched the reading levels of 183 UNC-Chapel Hill athletes who played football or basketball from 2004 to 2012. She found that 60% read between fourth- and eighth-grade levels. Between 8% and 10% read below a third-grade level”
Some couldn’t read at all.
Right on, Jimebro.
That’s a travisty. I wonder how much $ per athalete universities make in rev.
The bridge youre trying to sell doesnt care about your grades.
Shish Kabob lunch, marinated chicken tenderloins, beef tips, onions and green peppers on the grill. Fresh raspberries and blueberries with real whipped cream for dessert.
How many leave school to go play in the NBA before they graduate?
How many end up with an SEIU protected State job?
You know why those hoopsters aren’t graduating? Racism. Straight up. Degree plans are a tool of the White Patriarchy. And shit.
WHITE PATRIARCHY! (Raises clenched fist in air)
Is it time for the weekly WP meeting…and shit?
IetQua on teH eetingsMay.
I flashed to Chappelles Black White Supremist skit.
Raising my julep cup to y’all.
Remember Obama’s basketball fail? They should edit it like this
Bobby Knight had a better graduation rate at Indiana than Coach K at Duke. Very few go back and finish their degrees. I used to tutor the football team at UNM. Like most New Mexicans, most of their 1st and 2nd semester were 100 level courses.
Do you guys remember the school district that recommended not having kids read books at home? Something about unfair advantage over kids that didn’t have books? (Please don’t link to the Google 😂)
One of the nurses at work has an adopted son who goes to my alma mater on a full scholarship for playing basketball. He’s a sophomore and getting more playing time as he gets better. He has had tutoring and attended a summer program before each academic year. He’s struggled to maintain grades but knowing my college he’ll get a decent education. It’s a D3 school so he really is going for the college diploma not the NBA career.
As much class as most college bb players miss traveling, they probably legit need tutoring.
That doesn’t excuse the D1 guys for recruiting total non scholars who can shoot the three and turning them loose on the world four years later with no value added to their lives.
The Profs are supposed to work around the travel schedule. They can be real dicks about it. UNM offers a Bachelor of University Studies that is make your own degree/requirements. Called “Riding the BUS”.
Kid here at work just asked me for change for the vending machine. Handed me a $100 bill. If he hadn’t looked sheepishly apologetic about it, I might just have strangled him.
Heh, I thought of that movie, too. I haven’t seen it in ages–anybody have any opinion on how it’s held up over the years?
Sean, I thought it held up. Black guy at work and I go back and forth with Wayans movie lines and Chappelle show quotes.
I was a yuge fan of the Blaxploitation pics of the early 70s. Fred The Hammer Williamson!!!
Check this out, osita:
Had the Northwestern-Purdue game on earlier and saw those uniforms for the first time. I think they’re kinda cool.
Oso, I get creeped out when I go into a home and there are no books. It’s weird. There’s always a 72″ flatscreen, however.
Ooh…pretty. Very Astro.
The following are messages from the instructor, by date.
May 5th: Everyone, remember that your unit exams, final exam, and homework are due on May 7th!
May 6th: Everyone, remember that your exams, homework, and bonus paper are due tonight!
May 7th: Everyone, I’m giving you extra time for the discussion board and to finish your bonus paper. It is now due on Saturday (May 10th)!
Pretty sure I have a copy of “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka” around the house. I know I’ve watched it with the boys and I laughed just as hard as the first time I watched it.
I’m gonna have to see if I can find a copy of that and watch it again.
CoAl, Dan’s parents had magazines and since his dad was a pressman, two newspapers a day. No books. Dan H8s my stacks of paperbacks everywhere. I knew better than keeping my dad’s folios. I only kept Oscar Wilde. And complete Shakespeare. Gave most of the rest to my cousin, Raul. Dan bitches about my books, but always gifts me with books. Universities were already moving away from the authors I grew up with. Bunch of white guys.
I love White Chicks.
>> I love White Chicks
Pretty sure this is an H2 first. Congratulations on coming out of the clo…
Also, a few weeks ago, my daughter asked, “hey dad, have you ever seen ‘White Chicks’? It’s hilarious!”
So we watched it together after I wiped away a tear.
She also loves “Better Off Dead”. The girl got my sense of humor.
Hahaha I want my $2!
Magazines and newspapers I can accept. It’s the lack of any reading material that worries me. And a house isn’t home unless you’re tripping over paperbacks.
MST3K University. Mascot: Tom Servo
I didn’t like White Chicks, and couldn’t finish it.
Better Off Dead, however, is a classic.
Do you know what this is? THIS IS PURE SNOW! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE STREET VALUE OF ALL THIS IS?!
CoAl, it bugs. I’ve been able to get Dan to read a few books, but he’s more about movies. When we travel, I have trashy novels, he watches movies on the iPad or the iPod. Stoopid movies. Strange Wilderness, Grandma’s Boy, The Benchwarmers, Dodgeball, etc
CoAl…Booger from the classic Revenge of the Nerds 😂
I love STOOPID movies!!!
Taco Bell University*, mascot: ¡The Flying Chalupas!
*Get your double major in taco assembly and car washing, or taco assembly and lawn mowing!
I will be watching Keanu soon, because c’mon…John Wick was awesome. BTW Own the Bill & Ted’s
Whole Hog Barbecue
TBUs women’s teams are the Pink Tacos.
Hakuna Matata University. Mascot: Who gives a fuck? No worries.
Barbeque U. PBC is the mascot. With a flying pig. 🐷
Pork Butt College.
Home to the world renowned CTBRC.
The girl got my sense of humor.
Better that than your looks.
Palm Desert University. Mascot: Black Widow riding a golf cart.
Mexican Member kept yelling at me in Spanish. Old. I’d respond in English. He more or less, made me his personal shopper. Other Members would ask for my help…Old Messican: Che knows! Che knows! (I had my own personal cheerleader. He wasn’t a close talker or a creep.)
Alt-Right University, mascot: Sir Willie The White Knight Who Totally Has Jewish Friends Who, By The Way, Think His Holocaust Jokes Are Fucking Hilarious Because He’s Got A Dark Sense Of Humor And Can’t Stand Political Correctness.
For mothers day we will be gifting smoked salmon and brisket.
You’re a good boy, scott. I just wish you wouldn’t slouch so much.
CoAl couldn’t finish White Chicks? 😧
Sir Willie? Not Sir Donald of the Short Fingers?
He can’t be a white knight, because white knights are all beta cucks who refuse to see the glorious truth that the alpha males on the alt-right have come to understand.
Well, someone has been spending some time on Twitter.
Gingy always managed the perfect gift. Always. I have a feeling Dan and MA will drop the ball/Do tomorrow.
I was tempted to call him “Sir Milo,” but I thought that would be a little too on-the-nose.
The Great Pyrs Rescue group finally contacted me about a home visit.
One step closer.
Wait…Sir Milo is protected. He’s teh ghey. Has immunity. Ben S pwned him Tuesday night.
Fingers crossed Vman.
>> Better Off Dead, however, is a classic.
The daughter’s favorite line is “Nooooo … I can’t swimmmmm …” when Johnny is going into the car wash. Subtle. Hilarious.
>> Better that than your looks.
Thank God she got that and most everything else from her lovely mother.
My Nina just called. On her way to PHX for her great grandson’s adoption ceremony. Granddaughter can’t stay clean. Adoptive family wants to stay connected. FedEx was supposed to get her birthday/Mother’s Day gift to her house today. Scheduled for Monday. Dan and I will get it. She was trying to get me to consider Santa Fe National Cemetery for my dad’s cremains. My dad H8d NM.
Andy, I bet she’d do an awesome job singing Better Off Dead. Serial. 80s throwback
Oh. Good idea!
Oh, shit. Teh Chief is going to kill me.
Andy, how far are you from Marlboro Mass?
Andy, she owns Les Mis. I bet some Modern English and some St Elmo’s Fire would enhance her musical resume. Mebbe some Hall & Oates. Moron Music.
Better off Dead is pretty good, but I was always more a “Real Genius” fan/
Also, booking excursions through Norwegian Cruises is a scam. Mark ups like 30-50%.
I was triggered by the Be Funny. I was in bakery all day. Dealing with lots of verbal abuse. I was trying to think of funny unis that have acronymical names for the High 5. Wearing my tiara and drinking.
Heh, watching Deadpool. Forgot how sarcastic Ryan Reynolds is.
>> Andy, how far are you from Marlboro Mass?
Hell and gone, to a Massachutian.
Right next door to a Texan.
About 20 miles.
We may be up there in a week or so. If you still have stuff at Wiser’s we can deliver.
So a sunny and warm day in Western Washington means that women chose to remind us that modesty is DEAD.
Legs, boobs, asses, and the occasional pair of shorts that left nothing to the imagination, either because they were painted on, or because they were pretty much see through.
I think it’s funny, but probably a good thing that my 16 year old is as oblivious to that kind of stuff as I was at that age, but damn, all I could think while walking around today was that sometimes life simply isn’t fair at all.
I watched some of the Derby coverage before going to church. WHY did they have to have two figure skaters commenting? Steve Cauthen wasn’t available?
BiW, you don’t even know!!!! My takeaway from today is that gunts look worse in Daisy Dukes than they do in yoga pants. New guy in Produce is a 300+ pounder. His shirts don’t reach his belt. IYKWIMAITTYD. Nasty.
Roamy, why you H8N on the Rio Olympics already?
*Takes Roamy’s Gold Medals
Heh. My mom used to work for an insurance company whose home office was in NYC. When talking on the phone to people back there, it became clear that they had no idea of the scale of places out west. “Oh, you’re going to San Francisco this week? That’s about an hour’s drive from L.A., right?”
20 minutes if you take the fast train.
I was triggered by the Be Funny.
Sean, my Buckeye family. Moved to Licking County in the 1790s and for the most part sheltered in space. First time I took Dan to OH, we flew into Columbus, drove to Canton, Buffalo, Detroit. Buckeye family was freaked out by our travel schedule. Family plot is pretty sweet. Revolutionary War through WWI. Post WWI family is with younger family. RL family farms were stops on the Underground Railroad. As a kid, that was pretty fucking awesome.
>> If you still have stuff at Wiser’s we can deliver.
Outstanding! Although I need to get my ass down there and see all of you.
Best Olympics ever was the spoof Olympics in Albertville, Alabama, one of the same weekends as the one in Albertville, France. Bobsled event was guys named Bob on car mechanics’ creepers. Something silly with curling which I can’t remember the details. Awards were bags of Gold Medal flour.
Athens, Alabama should have done the same thing with summer events, but it was probably too hot.
We should MST3K the Opening Ceremonies. Dan has kept me laughing by live tweeting the previous 2 ceremonies.
Where were you walking today?
You only *think* your 16 year old is oblivious. He’s not…
I’m gonna take my pork loin, slivered onions, carrots, and spuds covered in Golden Mushroom™ soup, sour cream, and garlic from the oven.
Then into our mouths and Food Coma…
Lying in bed, petting the Prodigal Cat. Daughter #2 took this Kitteh with her when she moved into her own apartment, but she is planning on moving to Boston later this month, and didn’t want to take him with her.
He was an outside Kitteh when he was living with her, but I’m an old softie, so now he’s a happy indoor cat….
Aw, give him a pet for me, TiFW. I think it would be awesome if I could get Riley a cat to play with, but I’m allergic. And he would freak the hell out.
Okay, on second thought, it wouldn’t be so awesome.
I just hope all the facilities are done, and safe, for the opening ceremonies.
>> but she is planning on moving to Boston later this month
If she needs anything at all …
You’re gonna need a bigger boat mosquito net.
Hey, Andy, I understand if you don’t feel like doing so, but are you going to start tweeting @TheH2 again, or are you done with that account for good?
WARN her about Bart, or play a lot of Fallout 4.
Wow, watching Creed. Rocky not caring about his own life, and prospects, because no one else cares?
Hits home a little bit.
excellent training clips in this one, wow.
>> are you done with that account for good?
Yeah, I’m done with Twitter.
Twitter rhymes with…
Well, you will be missed. But you’ll also probably be happier.
I know I’ll miss them.
If the children don’t grow up,
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We’re just a million little gods causin’ derp storms turnin’ every good thing to rust.
I guess we’ll just have to adjust.
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The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
Uhhhhhhha, I guess I’m gay for Melania.
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