Tushar is sick of your bullshit

And frankly, so am I. You’ve become a bunch of lazy, slothful pieces of shit. I mean, I can excuse people like Hotspur and MCPO who have worked hard all their lives and are enjoying their Golden Years, but what excuse do the rest of you have?

I mean, for God’s sake, we’re almost at the end of the weekend and everyone’s still commenting on a Saturday poat while waiting to get motivated by trannies tomorrow. It’s no wonder this country is going straight to hell.

Okay, now that I’m done calling you assholes, I’m going to hopefully provide you with some motivation before tomorrow with a photo of Cal alum and insanely-hot pole vaulter Allison Stokke:

Allison-Stokke

I have likely touched several surfaces that her ass has also touched.

[Important Tushar-style sharing; Cyn:]

116 Comments

  1. Whatevs.

  2. Pepe, we don’t have any codes or passwords. Only staff. We have to be accompanied and we have to be let in and out of “Monarch” level care.

  3. I’ll go back for links

  4. Who’s the asshole using is.gd links for pictures? Like I click on anything I don’t have to.

  5. O M G And frankly is why I’m on the Hell Express with the rest of you.

  6. I’ve always preferred pole vaulters to serbian vaulters. And this vaulter is a dandy.

  7. Tell Nurse Ratched “Hi!” from all of us at the H2, Oso. (Sorry if this isn’t a joking matter for you. Just tell me to shut up, everyone else does.)

  8. My dad’s unit had a keypad and regular visitors had the code. Most of the residents were not very mobile but there were a few walkers/pacers you had to watch out for to make sure they didn’t slip by the entrance. Pretty sure they had bracelets on those folks. One floor, no elevator.

  9. Allison Stokke is pretty epic.

  10. I remember when Allison was on the Newport Beach HS track team.

  11. Nobody is making you click on anything, J’Ames.

    For instance, you don’t have to click on the link to this video if you don’t want to, though you might find it pertinent.

  12. Most of the staff there were Haitian or Filipino. Very nice people actually. Five or six of them came to his wake to see him and give their condolences to my mother.

  13. Pepe, everyone is really nice. Jimbro, it is a really fancy place with several levels of care. 2nd floor has more rules than any other area, except for full memory care. We had to turn in our keys to the assisted living aprt. My dad used to call my mom “Nurse Ratched” and a tall Indian kid my sister brought around “Chief”. Before my dad got his full speech back after the stroke, he and I would perform “Putting on the Ritz”

  14. Nicely done!

  15. You know, people on twitter are assholes. I do not except myself from that categorization. But I hate the appeal to authority folks..”You should trust me because I have advanced degrees…”

    Fuck.

    You.

  16. Allison got fat after college…hahahaha, your fantasies are shit!

  17. I like the tone of this thread. Old school, pissed off, hard core.

  18. Oh, I’m sorry that’s just me and MrScience

  19. If you’d like, mare, I could tell you to shut your whore mouth.

  20. Mare, I read your latest musing in Gunny Ermey’s voice. Hard core, Old Corps!

  21. Hahahah, mare loves Sean.

  22. Heh, good one, Oso.

  23. I’m not finding a lot of data to support the Fat Allison Theory (F.A.T.).

  24. I thought her Freshman 15-30 were posted here before?

  25. She’s Trigglypuff.

  26. Bcoch actually contacted Cake Girl. I wonder if Allison knows about the Horde, the Ewok, and her links at this place?

  27. Trigglypuff scares me

  28. Fridge cleaned. Freezer defrosted and cleaned. Three loads of laundry done, folded, and put away. Bills paid. Dinner made (really good pork chops with onion gravy, apple chutney which was meh, green beans which were green beans). Kitchen cleaned. Lunches made for tomorrow. I’se tired.

    Why is it that I feel guilty when I keep the Sabbath (lazy) and when I don’t keep it?

  29. Comment by osoloco11 on May 1, 2016 9:12 pm
    Trigglypuff scares me

    Trigglypuff scares all of us.

  30. I sort of missed the whole Trigglypuff thing until this morning when I was catching up on some reading. She is a piece of work to put it mildly.

  31. HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS ARE RIGHT!!!

    She looks like a fucking monster in this video from last year:

    https://youtu.be/3ANGZm0xPOA

    *pukes*

  32. Sean, calm the eff down.

    Leon was the first to post Allison as the fattie.

  33. I guess she made it past the Fresh 15 and The Soph Slump.

  34. We need to ban Sean, now.

    We don’t need Trigglypuff pole vaulting vids.

  35. I kind of liked the Trigglypuff as Roz from Monters Inc stuff.

  36. Monters? WTF? Stoopid fat fingers and turning off ottocucumber.

  37. Serial, Roamy and Hotspur have elegant fingers. Very artistic hands.

  38. Allison lost the weight, either that or she’s posting old pics on Instagram.

  39. Sorry, J’Ames. Let me make it up to you with this:

    https://youtu.be/k1cAYWi9E_0

  40. You shitheels quit arguing and watch.

  41. Heh. Someone save this one for Thorsday: http://i.imgur.com/gKkyGp0.gifv

  42. I don’t see any woman in that video.

  43. Any word from TiFW?

    And thank you, Oso. You’re reminding me to get back to crafting when I get done with house stuff.

  44. TiFW was here yesterday. Haven’t seen her today. Roamy could totes Hand Shame Donald “Little Sausage Fingers” Trump.

  45. Hahahahaha, I played Sean’s 9:34 video the same time as Pendejo’s. Sean’s sound won. Big hulking woman, shaking her shoulders to that not so fresh feeling.

  46. Mare has probably vaulted poles.

  47. Hey yo!

  48. Was the Banglar Brisket Van a one off, or are we coming up with H2 Food Truck names?

  49. *holds envelope up to Carnac turban*

    “Big hulking woman, shaking her shoulders to that not so fresh feeling.”

    *opens envelope*

    Kerry Marie at the Maroon 5 concert.

    https://youtu.be/Ji-cT58rgNc

  50. Never vaulted anything http://tinyurl.com/z7y9hpg

  51. If my video doesn’t make you swell up in your swimsuit area then you’re probably gonna be ok.

  52. Crap. I’ve been spelling HiYo wrong.

  53. I like the cut of Mary’s jib.

  54. I don’t see any woman in that video.

    past mmm “gals”

  55. “I like the cut of Mary’s jib” Old school! Hard Core! Old Corps!

  56. OS! HC! OC! Oso’d

  57. *cocktails and debriefs*

    Who just lucked out having to do an all night turn-around drive to Albuquerque?

    *thrusts thumbs at boobs*

    THIS GUY CHICK! Booyah!

  58. I don’t think you are supposed to talk about jibs.

  59. Woo Hoo! Wait…

  60. I wouldn’t have even had time to coffee with you, Oso. The Axeman’s insulin pump crapped out Sat night and they told us a new one would be delivered Monday by 10:30. As of this afternoon, looked like it was stuck in ABQ. Seems to have made it out and showed up at PHX this evening.

    Man, that drive would have sucked shot-putter gals’ balls.

  61. Oh yeah, it would’ve. Winds and blowing snow too.

  62. The only way I’d have done the drive was if the forecast showed that garbage long gone by the time I got there, but it wasn’t looking that way at all. Otherwise, one more night of testing and injection suckage.

    Now, just watch to see if it makes it on the truck in the morning or I made a trip to the facility. Yay.

  63. Evening.

  64. Yo

  65. Other than the pump crapping out, how is it when compared to injections?

  66. We’d programmed the pump to deliver slow bits of insulin (basal delivery) at various intervals during the day and night. He also has a continuous monitor that comms with the pump that gives him an idea of where his BG is at any given time.

    Without the pump, he’s having to test every four hours or more frequently so that he can take little interval injections of insulin to keep him down in the reasonable range. It’s not pleasant at all, for him, or us (checking him at several intervals during the middle of the night).

  67. My sister just called while I was talking with dad about her.

    She didn’t get accepted to the Speech Language Pathology program. Her fiance is set to finish his Urban Planning degree next fall and wants to immediately go into a GIS program. She’s 30 and he’s 29.

    Apparently she’s started talking about joining the Air Force.

    I still haven’t told her that I’m not going to attend her wedding.

  68. If he was going to be off the pump for longer than just a few days (or permanently) we’d have asked the doc to write Rx for a long acting insulin.

  69. That sucks. My uncle is on a pump and it is synched with his iPhone. Axeman has my prayers. You do too.

  70. Are you ever going to tell her, or just no-show?

  71. Poor Axeman. I hope his pump arrives in a timely manner.

  72. Cyn, my mom is on a long acting insulin and Metformin. Still waiting for her valve replacement surgery date.

  73. That synching to the iPhone is pretty new (at least with the mfr of Axeman’s pump) and look fucking cool. I’m watching for when it’s Android-ready and we’ll probably sign up.

  74. I’ll tell her eventually. Dad already knows that i’m not attending, so he may have mentioned it already. She and I speak maybe twice a year.

  75. BLERG

  76. Cyn, it is pretty cool. No maff. No timing. Just let tech handle it. (He’s an aerospace engineer. He really didn’t need the tech)

  77. Thanks you two :)

    We’ll piss and moan about it hopefully for only one more day.

    Oh, man though… I used to be pretty diligent about uploading his pump data to the company but once he was stable, I kinda let it go. Regretting this now: aaaallllll the settings and all the months of fine tuning were irretrievable when the pump died. FFFFFFFUUUUUU.

    Keeping fingers crossed that his doc’s office has this data they can send me in the morning.

  78. So Car in, how many of your kids did you strangle today?

  79. None. I was at work until about 15 min ago. Busy as frack.

  80. Alex – she may already not be expecting you. Which would be a load off from you having to say anything. Right?

  81. CoAl, after her treatment of your mom, I think she needs a wake-up call. Unfortunately, neither she, nor your mom, will learn. (Looking through rose-colored sibling glasses)

  82. Thank you for not spitting in my drink this evening, CAriN

  83. What’s the soup of the day?

  84. Your welcome, Cyn, but i was really too busy to spit in anyone’s drink.

    Sweat? maybe.

  85. The soup of the day is SYWM

  86. Guy on 2nd floor to Dan: You’re tall. How tall are you? 6 feet? Dan: A little bit over 6’3″. Old guy: I knew it!!! America needs tall guys. How tall are you? Ad infinitum.

  87. Is it wrong to say I love Alison Stokke as much as I hate my new co-workers? Actually that’s because the depths of my hate is pretty damn deep, whereas Alison is an infatuation and a pleasant consideration. I’ll withdraw my question and just reiterate how much I hate my new co-workers.

    BTW, when and where is the next meatup.

  88. Dan gave me a USA tee for today. Old guy in elevator: What does your tee say? Me: USA. Old guy: Why doesn’t it say China? Everyone knows they own the USA. /KMN

  89. Waitress, there’s a fly in my SYWM.

  90. Mare’s house or Lauraw’s graduation

  91. Cyn, perhaps. We’ll see.

    What I hate is that, if I ever were to get married I wouldn’t trust her at the wedding since everyone on mom’s side of the family would be there.

  92. so if i google mare’s house or lauraw’s graduation i’ll get a date and driving directions? hopefully not to hoghumper holler tennesee or buttlicker montana? I’ve already been to both those places :-P

  93. Meatup happening this summer, for sure.

  94. Destination wedding, CoAl. If Dan wasn’t Shi’ite Catholic, I would’ve been chill with a civil ceremony.

  95. Alex, there’s no law that says you have to invite your sibs to your wedding. You could always elope too. Or not marry at all and just live in wonderfully sinful cohabitational bliss with a wife-beater tee. You have options, man, OPTIONS!

  96. CoAl is pretty traditional. He pays attention to marital advice from Mare. Mare will kick your ass if you deviate. Don’t get me started on Beasn. Beasn scares me. We talk jewelry. I don’t think I need to wait for Beasn 30 Anni quality ring. 26 years this month.

  97. And now, Hostage Theatre Presents – SHIPPING TALK:

    We have a departure scan!! Wheeeeee!
    *cartwheels, collapses with the agony of a pulled back muscle*

    That concludes tonight’s chapter of SHIPPING TALK.
    Stay tuned for various updates as they arise.

  98. Cyn, package tracking makes me freak!!! It triggers Dan, and he’s the normal person in this marriage. (He makes me look normal-ish)

  99. So Dan’s pulled muscles doing cartwheels before too?

    *solidarity fist-bump*
    *winces in pain*

  100. Serial. I have issues, Dan is crazy!!! He color codes cleaning zones. He makes me look normal. He thinks I’m the freak that needs socializing.

  101. Putting Mare in charge of a meetup would be a bad idea. LIke leaving the muddler at my house bad.

  102. Dan pulls hammys like clockwork. We went with a shower stall back in the day, because garden tubs were too short. Contractor put the showerhead high. Perfect bathroom…except MA can’t be alone. We shower in the cold…all the time. Including today…

  103. You guys should see what my daughter did to my linen closet today while I was mixing drinks for people. I don’t even know how she’s able to fold shit like that.

  104. Car in, we all have muddlers, now. TiTS2 engraved. Not PA. Still pretty freaking awesome

  105. you get my point though.

  106. Yeppers

  107. So happy to keep my gay indians separate from my drunk indians.

  108. Did I mention how incredibly busy I was ALL FREAKIN day?

    Didn’t get a potty break until 6:30 ( shift started at 11:30). Busiest non-holiday shift I’ve ever worked. It was really weird.

  109. Gay indians are more into amyl nitrate poppers.

  110. True story. Dan thinks I have started to sleep eat and carb load. He’s getting irritated. Dan is the Hulk of irritated. He’s weird. He puts cookies, chips, etc in the high cabinets before sleeping. Dan just went to bed. I’m eating ice. G’night

  111. See you guys on the LGBT thread tomorrow. Having anxiety. Regular, not anything else. No blood, no foul. Running 3 cuts, not 5. Mega improvement. You guys have saved me on a daily basis for years. Truly.

  112. I just spent almost an hour talking to sis. She wants to enlist and become a crypto-linguist and possibly one day get a commission.

    I had to be the voice of reason. I don’t think I got through to her. The prospect of a steady paycheck seems to be singing a loud song. I had to point out that junior enlisted marriages don’t fare so well, that they pay isn’t all its cracked up to be, especially for the bullshit you deal with, and that there are other opportunities out there that don’t involve the military in its current dysfunctional state.

  113. I don’t even know how she’s able to fold shit like that.

    Did you look around suspiciously and try to figure out what horrible thing she was trying to make up for.

  114. Hi, Roamy.

  115. She tries not to shatter
    Kaleidoscope style
    Personality changes behind her derp smile
    Every new problem brings a stranger inside
    Helplessly forcing one more new disguise


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