Birthday Wish – Don’t be a dick

Happy Birthday Aprilwine.

*

*

So, yeah.  Not so great of a week.  I’d like to thank Wiserbud for yesterdays poat, and to encourage all the returning commenters to put H2 back on your daily reading list and comment a little more often.  Except for Doc.  Fuck that guy.

Nestled between Erica Campbell’s boobs and your mom jokes, Sean M. had a comment that struck me as worthy of highlighting and quoting, I hope he doesn’t mind:

Tush,

There is a line in a book that has helped to save my life which gives me comfort in times like these, where I can’t see the sense of a thing. It says, “…out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does ‘move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.’”

What that tells me is that everything happens for a reason, and though we may not be able to see that reason right now, maybe we’re supposed to learn something eventually. Or maybe we’re not supposed to have someone or something in our lives anymore because something needs to happen.

I know that this has given me the firm determination to be kinder to the people in my life and to tell them that I am always there for them. I know that this has led me to talk to people who are hurting or struggling, to tell them that it’s okay to reach out so that they don’t have to suffer alone. Maybe these are things that we all needed a reminder to do, or to do more often. I don’t know. But I do know that I want to take this horrible, awful, shitty fucking tragedy and try to see that something, however small, but something good comes out of it.

/$0.02

Thank you, Sean, for sharing.  I encourage everybody reading this to please take care of yourselves and know that:

THE HOSTAGES ARE HERE FOR YOU.

There are invisible hands reaching out to you.  I’m begging you, with tears in my eyes, don’t be a dick.  Use the power of this fully operational invisible friend machine.  I’ve seen Hostages race to the rescue with generosity that is astounding.  It may take some humility on your part.  I get that.  But if we don’t know, we can’t help.

 

495 Comments

  1. Have the Rolling Stones killed.

  2. Happy 50th to everyone!

  3. Good post, dogface.

    I’m going to try the invisible hands on GND later. I’ll let you know how it goes.

    http://is.gd/vgeu5G

  4. Have Scottw killed.

  5. They’re still alive?

  6. Are we doing a Kill, Marry, fuck list? Groovy.

    Everyone except people I like, conditional on an annual basis.

    GND, conditional on an annual basis.

    Mila Kunis.

  7. Happy birthday Ms. April! I give this post 5 out of 5 bald heads!

  8. Jeebus, enough with the content already!

  9. Man, hang around this place long enough, and you get turned into a meme. Thanks for the laughs, you guys.

    Seemed like old times.

  10. And Happy Birthday, Aprilwine.

    Pics or it didn’t happen.

  11. is it also Teh puppeh bday???? *throws bone*

  12. Wife’s birthday is Monday. I got her art supplies.

  13. http://is.gd/nmXUhC

  14. Yeah, I’m always happy when they have one of those.

  15. FaceChump is proclaiming that it is Pupster’s birthday today too.

    Happy birthday, Pups.

  16. HB Pup.

  17. Leon,

    What kind of art supplies?

  18. Happy Birthday, Puppy. I am really glad that I got to see you in Tempe. When are we getting together again? I think it’s fun to have something on the calender even if its a ways off.

  19. High end colored pencils and a new sketchbook. It was on her Amazon Wish List.

  20. Your mom is on my Amazon wish list.

  21. MJ

  22. Nice HotBlog.

  23. Happy birthday, Aprilwine and Pupster!

  24. Thank you! I feel honored.

    The rest of the post is pretty good. When did Sean become so wise?

  25. “Your mom is on my Amazon wish list.”
    She has over 9000 reviews.

  26. Happy Birthday, Ladyfriend. Have fun at the motor race.

  27. HB, pups and April!

    Remember, AW, 50 is the new 49.

  28. Happy birthday, Pups!

  29. Comment by Hotspur on April 16, 2016 10:40 am

    Your mom is on my Amazon wish list.
    ========
    I’m waiting for the 50% off coupon. It was a big hit last time…

  30. Your mom is on my Amazon wish list.

    Your mom isn’t on mine, why wait when it’s so cheap?

  31. I’m not sure that “balls” is the right category here.

    Maybe “moldy cake” or some such shite.

  32. And Harpy Birfday, April and Puppy.

    I hope they’re good for you both.

  33. There’re a dozen cupcakes here. It’s not a carb day and they are just standard-issue cupcakes (glutens! corn syrups!), so I’m resisting temptation.

  34. When did Sean become so wise?

    It’s amazing the things you learn sleeping on park benches.

  35. There’re a dozen cupcakes here. It’s not a carb day and they are just standard-issue cupcakes (glutens! corn syrups!), so I’m resisting temptation.

    I made *two* breakfast tacos this morning…my newly rediscovered girlish figure is in jeopardy, just like my soul sanity.

  36. Snowing outside, so class at the park was cancelled. I’m trying to muster the energy to go to the gym, so I can go to the range this afternoon.

  37. Your mom comes with free shipping. It’s all part of the sailor life.

  38. It’s actually sunny here in western Washingtonistan. (don’t tell anyone…especially those California people), so I guess I’ll mow the lawn, and do some of the other outside stuff today, then maybe go to the park for a walk…maybe I’ll see one of Pupster’s brothers…

  39. I’m not sure that “balls” is the right category here.

    http://is.gd/n2FP0k

  40. http://is.gd/Jh8Jsp

  41. What an ass.

    Bubba would do that.

  42. >>>http://is.gd/Jh8Jsp

    That looked like pass interference from here. Let’s go to the videotape

  43. hbd AW and AWET

  44. 68 and sunny here. I’d be gardening if Possum were a little older.

  45. Your mom is on Amazon sub-prime.

  46. Party in the snake bush! http://is.gd/H8W9rw

  47. http://tinyurl.com/gwfscj3 Woop woop!!!

  48. Happy Birthday April and Pupster.

  49. Snakes don’t have bush, silly, reptiles are hairless.

    That’s how I know Nancy Pelosi wears a wig.

  50. I couldn’t find your mom on Amazon until I included”1 foot muff” in the search terms.

    She seems nice.

  51. ONE FOOOOOOOT MUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFF!!!

  52. Hey, PG. how’s the wheel?

  53. I found your mom on the Netflix DVD list. She usually comes overnight.

  54. Dickbutt has met his match.
    http://is.gd/bHmgdu

  55. Great poat, Pupster! Love the gifs – especially Red and the invisible hands (teh kitty couldn’t wait SYWM)

    I give it ten of these things….

    http://tinyurl.com/h4acwlt

  56. GUINEA PIG FLASH MOB

  57. I saw One Foot Muff open for Thousand Foot Crutch at Pine Knob in ’97.

  58. Is it Puppeh’s birfday too?

    Happy Birthday, Pupster and Aprilwine.

  59. If only Christmas weren’t so far away.
    http://theworstthingsforsale.com/2016/01/14/poo-dough/

  60. C’mon guys, follow me to the birthday cake!

  61. Hotspur circa 1977:

    http://is.gd/vEsKQL

  62. Talked to some gal, a couple of weeks ago, who went to Peru and tried the guinea pig. Said it tasted like ass.

  63. –Comment by beasn on April 16, 2016 1:21 pm
    Moves faster than the 405 freeway at rush hour, anyway.

  64. OMG, MJ!

    This is what happens when we no longer have to forage for our own food.

    Ew.

  65. Greetings.

    Also, Penis.

  66. I though Hotspur had pierced nippies.

  67. How have you been, George, and whoever gave you permission to leave for so long?

  68. I have those shades

  69. Your mom kept me in her basement, moisturizing her dog’s skin.

  70. If you want a vision of the future, imagine moisturizing a dog’s skin. Forever.

  71. Ok. It’s too nice out to fart around on here. Think I’ll take a nap.

  72. “If you want a vision of the future, imagine moisturizing a dog’s skin. Forever.”

    The clock struck thirteen. Winston Smith said “Time to rub the Victory Jergens on the Mexican hairless.”

  73. I’m telling you, this place has got to be the ultimate one stop shopping for Secret Santa at H2. I might actually have to participate this year.
    http://theworstthingsforsale.com

  74. OMG, MJ!
    This is what happens when we no longer have to forage for our own food.
    Ew.
    ———————
    Tell me about it. Hotspur disgusts me.

  75. Happy birfday, April!

    Happy birfday, Puppeh! (Hint: It’s you.)

  76. Loved this post, Pupster!

    And a very Happy Birthday to Pupster and Aprilwine!!

  77. Pupster, I love your avatar. Man, those were funny threads.

  78. Your mom kept me in her basement, moisturizing her dog’s skin.

    Well, her dog IS dead….

  79. If you want a car or truck
    One foot muff
    If you want to save a buck
    One foot muff
    If your wife is a’ naggin’
    ‘Cause your tailpipe is draggin’
    One foot muff
    One foot muff
    One foot muff

  80. Happy Birthday, Aprilwine and Pupster! Hope you both have a great day :-)

  81. Comment by ChrisP on April 15, 2016 11:26 pm

    It’s so nice to see AliceH, SoHot, aprilwine, Morganholder, “Lou”, Bart, Russ, Will and the others that have wandered off to FaceFuck,(Cuffy!), back here. Hi, PeeJ! Where’s Catman?
    I’m just really sorry that it took Lances death to bring us all back together.
    What a motley Crewe this is.
    Rosetta would love that you all got back together, as do I.
    May GOD bless you and keep you…

    Hmmmm…feels like there’s something missing here….

    *weeps quietly in a corner*

  82. Nice job on the drink today, MJ.

    Excellent recipe. Wish we had more opportunities to try that.

  83. Happy BDay to April and Pup!

  84. BCock, you weren’t gone long enough to merit a mention.

  85. So, Tuesday, from 10-2, I’mma be working in the B-17 hangar. Unlike you proles, I won’t have to “donate” $5 to tour inside her.

    Of course, on Wednesday, when Chumpo, Sean, Paulitics and I visit, I’m back to being a paying prole.

  86. BCock, you weren’t gone long enough to merit a mention.

    I always merit a mention.

    So, Tuesday, from 10-2, I’mma be working in the B-17 hangar. Unlike you proles, I won’t have to “donate” $5 to tour inside her.

    Not jealous. At all.

  87. Is this volunteer work or community service?

  88. I feel your pain bcock

  89. Happy birthday pups and april!!

  90. You know who mentions me a lot?

    Your mom

  91. Isn’t it Michael’s birthday too?

  92. Surprisingly, not community service.

  93. Of course, on Wednesday, when Chumpo, Sean, Paulitics and I visit, I’m back to being a paying prole.

    stick paulitics with the check. he likes that.

  94. TiFW Mom is coming to stay with us for a few weeks while I recuperate from the surgery I’m having on Monday.

    Buh-bye colostomy, hello (temporary) ileostomy!

    *tries to figure out how to get TiFW Mom to come back in a couple of months*

  95. Good luck with the surgery TiFW

  96. Scum, Scum, Scum
    Go back to where yer frum!

  97. Hope your surgery goes well, TiFW. Best to Paul

  98. What was the DotW? Baby was napping and I was trying to and failing.

  99. The School Bus Jaeger Shot.

    It was a reference to the STLMU.

  100. So just a shot of Jaeger on a school bus?

  101. Hope your operation goes smoothly as well as your recovery Teresa

  102. “Just a shot of Jag on a bus”

    Heh. Kids today.

  103. School bus jaeger shot: equal parts diesel fuel, Jagermeister and melted crayon

  104. School bus jaeger shot: equal parts diesel fuel, Jagermeister and melted crayon

    Sounds about right.

  105. Wow. Things really have changed in the short time I’ve been gone.

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCF31LP0_aRg5MZrNhosarUQ

  106. My indian name is Spotted Liver

  107. BeKoch youre Indian name today is Runs With Scissors

  108. JimeBro. You are Brown Snow

  109. BeKoch youre Indian name today is Runs With Scissors

    Acceptable. I’ve been called worse.

  110. WiserBud. Hammock Back

  111. Leon. Long Shovel

  112. XRad. Flys With Beagles

  113. Car in. Tits that Drag.

  114. I was hoping for Filthy Spade.

  115. TiF. Kettle Corn

  116. MJ. Drinks like Woman.

  117. BrewFan. Long Bomb

  118. ScottW. Squatnleavit

  119. Laura. ScoldsALot.

  120. Beasn. Airport Cougar

  121. Car In. Macarana

  122. Chumpo: Sasquatchacoombie

  123. Tushard. Folds Like Blanket

  124. Chumpo: Laughs with Hat

  125. Hotspur. You are Sleeps Out Back

  126. PupYay. Ten High

  127. Here Chumpo, watch this short film and let me know what you think of the ending.

    http://is.gd/vhA2ks

  128. Nice job on the drink today, MJ.
    Excellent recipe. Wish we had more opportunities to try that.
    ———————————-
    We will. Hopefully not for a few years.

  129. Spent some quality time with Boy2 on spring cleaning type chores. He’ll graduate from High School this year, doesn’t want to get senior pictures, doesn’t want any new clothes, doesn’t want to do announcements, doesn’t want to go to graduation, doesn’t want to go on a senior trip anywhere. This is the downside of homeschooling…HE”S NEVER GOING TO LEAVE EVER.

    Meh. Could be worse.

    *furtive look at MJ*

    Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Mrs. Pupster is cooking me a special dinner and then we are going to have cocktails on the back porch on this perfect day.

  130. Hey y’all. On my way home. Genius me booked the return flight for next Saturday but it’s fixed.

    It was a nice service, got to meet and thank BJ and 1 of Rosetta’s close friends who spoke yesterday at the service. So many nice things about that talk, the best was he had no idea about the H2 but has been reading things here and was just amazed. Said he was the same to us as he was to him, the friendship. He said it’s totally real.

    Kind of amazing how worlds collide like that. We encouraged him to read more there is a shitload of funny stuff here.

    Love y’all, and thanks for this post pups.

  131. All right. I gotta go in and get mine daughter from acting class. Gotta stop laughing with Hat for a mo

  132. And happy birfday April, Pup, and Michael.

  133. MJ. Drinks like Woman.
    ————-
    Ok, that made me laugh.

  134. Yesterday’s gif of the day…now with sound!

    http://is.gd/enXzpv

  135. Success

  136. Pupster, I can’t stop laughing at that.

  137. Mr. Chumpo – Dances With Disaster Pants

  138. Dave, when you get time, please give us a full debrief.

  139. Dave, when you get time, please give us a full debrief.

    Phrasing. I don’t need Dave debriefing like Cyn.

  140. Nice poat, pups. Thanks for working on your bday!

    And a happy one to you too, April!

    Happy place today, it’s good to see.

  141. So yesterday/last night was “your mom” jokes. Today is Indian Names.

    I like it.

  142. Kettle Corn – is that good or bad?

    *runs to check Urban Dictionary, just in case*

    Ummm….

    *wonders which definition Chumpo was referring to*

  143. TiF. Baybay.
    Urban Dictionary is for rookies. We Crack’em Wise Many Moons like Hotspur on Toilet.

    Kettle Corn is sweet and nice.

  144. ScottW, it doesnt end well.

  145. Awww, thanks, Chumpo!

    *blows kiss towards West Coast*

  146. We Crack’em Wise Many Moons like Hotspur on Toilet.

    Hotspur. Cracks on Toilet.

  147. Geronacamode

  148. MJ. Bent arrow

  149. DiT. Lawrence Elk

  150. DiT. Scared of Clams.

  151. Cyn. Stands With A Glass

  152. Jay. Ten Beers

  153. ChrisP. Wooden Slax

  154. Hmmmm…feels like there’s something missing here….

    *weeps quietly in a corner*

    It’s okay, bcoch – I wasn’t hurt. I’m touched, though. Thank you.

  155. Jazz. Smelt It And Delt It

  156. I only had 9!

  157. Will I find true love?

  158. Sean Em. Crazy Purse

  159. Hahahahah

    Thats funny, OuiJay!

  160. >>Comment by Mr Chumpo on April 16, 2016 12:50 pm

    Hey, PG. how’s the wheel?<<

    sorry for the extremely late reply. I had to go to the big city with the bride this afternoon and look at flowers and shit at Home Depot and lowes and then go do the serious bimonthly grocery shopping. The good news is I talked her into putting off flower buying for a month because the varieties that don't get the shit kicked out of them by 100+ Heat are not out yet.

    In answer to your previous queery, it's fantastic. Not 100% yet but prolly 90% on strength and 80% on range of motion. Monday will be six weeks post-op and Tuesday the pt will do a re-eval and see where we need to go. I'm pretty pumped about it.

  161. Im so pleased. Have a good season.

  162. Jazz. Hole of Arse.

  163. In answer to your previous queery,

    This is beautiful. Excellent.

  164. Chimpo is the master of slightly, but cleverly, misspelled words. It was a typo but it thought it a good one considering, so I dint correct.

  165. MCPO: Shouts at Clouds

  166. In answer to your previous queery, it’s fantastic. Not 100% yet but prolly 90% on strength and 80% on range of motion.

    ——

    That’s great news. Many hip deals don’t turn out as well!

  167. Mare: Imaginary Squaw

  168. Mare. Born In Barn

  169. Wiser. Face for Radio.

  170. Jeez, You guys.

    I just love you.

    My heart aches.

  171. MAAAARE!!!!
    *looks up and shakes fist at clouds*

  172. Mare!!!

    http://is.gd/JLHFn5

    Fixed, so I don’t get scolded.

  173. You tools are great! Scott, I happen to be caring for my daughters 6 month cat and that is about right.

    MCPO, it’s so very good to see your avatar around here.

  174. We are grilling right now, I’m on my iPhone, husband is taint pics of osprey fishing otherwise I’d do Indian names and half would be about me which wouldn’t be right.

    Sample,

    Mare: head stuck in fence

    Mare: stares from second floor. (Old school H2)

    Mare : eats like man

  175. Oh shit…..hahahaha taint pics !! Autocorrect is a badtard. I meant taking pics.

  176. BASTARD!!

  177. HBD Michael. I’m so glad to hear that DiT…also who the fuck is Bcock? *head tilt* how long have we been away?

  178. Autocorrect can kiss my ass!!

  179. Please don’t share your taint pics, Mare.

  180. I gotta go to a Garden Party. I’d rather be here watxhing the NHL Playoffs and laughing w you all but that’s no way to stay married…

    *scratches temple thoughtfully*
    Hmmmmmmmm

    Nah. She’s hawt.

    Later, kittenz and katz.

  181. Mares Indian name is now Badtard.

  182. Hahaha, xbradtc, I told my husband that would happen.

  183. Taint pics. Nice work, autocorrect.

    also who the fuck is Bcock? *head tilt* how long have we been away?

    *bows*

    A Moron who wandered over some time back. I’ve been around, off and on, for….shit…like two years now.

  184. SoHawt. Your Indian name is Alice Looks Twice

  185. Nah, Sohos’ Indian name is Hers Are Bigger.

  186. SoHo. So a Hoe.

  187. BeeCock, belongs to The HQ. Were training him to be our Muddler Caddy.

    He’s a pip!!

  188. UGH ONE SWEET DAY IS BLURRING AT GROCERY STORE!!!!

  189. Mr Chumpo, I mentioned once, way back when, that I was also hanging out here. I caught shit from a few for that. I also got, “Yeah, I can see that. You fit in there.”

    I took it as a compliment.

  190. not sure his skin is thick enough hahaha

  191. Tushar mentioned making the header permanent.

    How about, instead, I’ve made it the new blog icon.

    Tush, I’m sorry if I upset you.

    That was never my intention.

    Next topic, you really, really need to hear MJ’s drink of the week

    I will drop the link here as soon as I have the show posted.

  192. You do. We are blessed. You lnow a lot about Baseball and funny. Anyway, Chief, Empty3P0 needs a 10 Wood and a shrimp sandwich.

    Chop chop.

  193. Second.

  194. Wiser, this was requested by Bart last night: http://postimg.org/image/oqruyi7d7/

    Combines a couple things. ;)

  195. That is an excellent idea, friend.

  196. Anyway, Chief, Empty3P0 needs a 10 Wood and a shrimp sandwich.

    Dear Lord. Is he one of those old guys that plays golf with like 47 woods and a pitching wedge in his bag?

    Heh. The shrimp sandwich is funny because the small town I live in has a HUGE shrimp festival every year. A small town of roughly 12k has about a quarter million people show up over a couple days.

  197. Heeeeeeeer kitykitykitykitykitykitykity

    Cynny, come and talk to us.

    *fills a dish with Blanc de Noir*

  198. Mare, are you ever gonna let some local morons know when you’re coming to town?

  199. He probably lives like two dors down from you.

  200. BiW. Your Indian Name is Hammer Toe

  201. Lol. I don’t think there are any Florida Hostages. Slumlord Tushar doesn’t count.

  202. So as it happens, I have company for dinner tonight.

    They all used to sit around this table with me, but I showered, shaved, and put on some Mullet & Firebird anyway. Otherwise, the flowers I bought to put in the middle of the table would seem like a waste.

  203. that should have been “blarring” stoopid auto correct…Bcock I was just joking because obviously I’ve been gone a LONG time and of course new people will come. I was playing. I am off to get drunk. enjoy yalls night

  204. No worries, SoHo.

    *drinks*

  205. BiW. Your Indian Name is Hammer Toe

    What? Not “He-who-breeds-words-like-rabbits”.

    We’re definitely off our game here, people.

  206. BiW. He Who is Evil as Lawyer.

  207. Wiser, this was requested by Bart last night:

    http://bit.ly/23FElQS

  208. Hey, I just give the folks what they ask for. Like your mom.

  209. I am off to get drunk.

    *makes space in media folder for inevitable future BBF pics

  210. BiW. He Who is Evil as Lawyer.

    redundant

  211. Greetings, only Indians I am allowed to have.

  212. Watch that first step, Sohos.

  213. BiW. He Who is Evil as Lawyer.

    Being evil is too taxing. The worst I can do these days is “ambivalent”. The evil stuff takes too much time with my counselor. That guy charges almost as much as I do for an hour of my time.

  214. BiW, I had to laugh. The time I spent one summer as an unpaid intern? Yeah, that firm was charging $200/hr for my time on cases.

  215. Greetings, only Indians I am allowed to have.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dceCjepU21o

  216. http://is.gd/anDGBc

  217. That guy charges almost as much as I do for an hour of my time.

    http://is.gd/_try_it_without_all_the_extras

  218. Yeah, that firm was charging $200/hr for my time on cases.

    I just raised my rates from $200 an hour to $250 an hour.

  219. Watch that first step, Sohos.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

    OMG, Pupster just took 1st place in “the most brilliant call-back ever” contest!

    Greetings, only Indians I am allowed to have.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Good one.

  220. Watch that first step, Sohos.

    Oof.

    BTW, I meant to tell you earlier that I don’t mind at all that you included that comment in this poat. And, frankly, I could use the royalty che–

    Wait, what?

    Aw, you gotta be shitting me!

  221. Yes, BiW, now that when I come to Tacoma it’s not a 24/7 take over the care kind of deal.

  222. Wiser, YES!!! New blog icon.

    Smooooch

  223. MiL is in hospital for observation. Got dizzy, nearly fell, asst. was right there to catch her, nursing staff made the decision to call 911. Very low blood pressure. Dan spent day at hospital. I’m wearing my tiara and drinking bourbon. -Bear that wears tiara

  224. I don’t mind at all that you included that comment in this poat.

    Cyn – blogmom
    Sean-blogdad
    Wiser-blogwackyneighbor

  225. Thanks WB!!

  226. Good job, Backwards King of Beers.

  227. I want to send this family some honey

    http://is.gd/LKWWDm

  228. http://is.gd/L_to_R__Oso__Pupster

  229. I want to send this family some honey
    http://is.gd/LKWWDm

  230. Yes, BiW, now that when I come to Tacoma it’s not a 24/7 take over the care kind of deal.

    I’d say that it means possibly being seen with me, but then I remembered where I am.

    It isn’t like you’re too particular about the company you keep.

  231. I’ll even polish the chain on my cloak.

  232. Ok, I need to set the table and start making dinner.

    And do it without getting anything on my shirt.

    That’s the hard part.

  233. I’ll even polish the chain on my cloak.

    An odd euphemism, but acceptable.

  234. hahahahahahawesome

  235. Awwww….good puppeh

  236. hahahawesome

  237. Wiser-blogwackyneighbor

  238. That would be a great Halloween costume.

    Piece of fence and a hat.

  239. Wiser-blogwackyneighbor

  240. mmmmmm… Grace Kelly……..

  241. So wait, if Deano is the blog icon, does that mean Emily is unemployed? What will that do to the unemployment rate?

  242. Wut?

  243. http://tinyurl.com/joyln4y

  244. I think you mean “Don’t Be A Richard.”

  245. I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous about preparing a meal in my life.

    Everything is ready, and in about 15 minutes, it all gets rolling.

  246. Does this determine whether or not you get laid? Cause otherwise, relax. It’ll be fine.

  247. Does this determine whether or not you get laid?

    Nothing that high-stakes. Probably more like “Are we gonna go to counseling or are you enjoying the separation-thing too much to consider it?”

  248. Leaving this for CaRin

    http://tinyurl.com/ooh8rfr

  249. Good luck BiW. The food will have little to do with the outcome.

  250. Good luck BiW.

    Always good to pour the wine and ask, “does this smell like rohypnol to you?”

  251. So wait, if Deano is the blog icon, does that mean Emily is unemployed? What will that do to the unemployment rate?

    I don’t remember anybody asking what poor WTFFace Jenkins or Dick Pole were going to do when they got their walking papers.

    #WarOnMen #WarOnGoats

  252. Probably more like “Are we gonna go to counseling or are you enjoying the separation-thing too much to consider it?”

    Ah. Then you have my well wishes and prayers for your success.

  253. I have never known a married couple to go through counseling, and save their marriage. Every single instance, my own included, ended in divorce.

  254. Comment by PepeLp on April 16, 2016 8:02 pm
    Leaving this for CaRin
    http://tinyurl.com/ooh8rfr

    *thrashes*

    Love, LOVE, Halestorm.

  255. I have never known a married couple to go through counseling, and save their marriage. Every single instance, my own included, ended in divorce.

    Then we will hope and pray for BiW to be the first for you.

  256. I will offer myself up as evidence to the contrary, HS.

    My heart and best wishes are with you tonight, BiW

  257. You probably shouldn’t have this on the playlist, BiW.

  258. Have we already done a “worst icebreakers” joke thread?

    *pours cocktail*

    So…how many people know you are here?

  259. That was not meant to be a dick thing to say,even though it probably was.

    If you are wanting things to work out, BIW, then my hopes are with you.

  260. Did you make plans for later?

  261. *returns to indian name joke*

    Hotspur. Dick Without Meaning To.

  262. Possible conclusions to be drawn from Hotspur’s data:

    1. All the married couples involved were better off being divorced.

    2. All the counselors those couples went to were shitty at their jobs.

    3. Everyone Hotspur knows (himself included) is an asshole.

    4. All of the above.

  263. Dear Colorado drivers,

    There’s a reason that we joke about blizzards in Spring. Please don’t lose your fucking minds just because it’s snowing in April.

    Drive slower than you dipshits normally would. Let’s say, about 80 mpfh.
    Turn on your goddamn lights.
    Use your fucking turn signal.
    Don’t blow through the fucking intersection when you have a red light.

    Sincerely,
    Colorado Alex

    P.S. God fuck you all, I need a drink.

  264. Bullwhips?

  265. “What was your take on One Tree Hill, seasons 7-8?”

  266. It’s been six days now and my jaw still aches. Fuck it, I’m getting the antibiotics on Monday.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your whore mouths: shut them.

  267. Good luck, BiW.

  268. Prayers, BiW.

  269. “You know, HIV used to be a death sentence, but it’s totally not anymore.”

  270. >>>>Have we already done a “worst icebreakers” joke thread?

    You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.

    /oblig

  271. >>>>It’s been six days now and my jaw still aches. Fuck it, I’m getting the antibiotics on Monday.

    Worst. Icebreaker. Ever.

  272. “Some people are good at ignoring what sound like muffled screams coming from a basement. Would you say that describes you?”

  273. 74 yesterday. 50 today. Spitting rain and snow flurries. Rocky Mtn Spring. Watching the news out of CO. I bet Jewstin is loving April in WY.

  274. BiW, I’m praying that your dinner goes well, etc. And if it doesn’t, we’re gonna put the hostages IN SHIFTS on your ass.

    Just saying.

  275. ^^^^

  276. “Would you refer to this as ‘dripping’ or ‘seeping’?”

  277. “I’ve got Hostages in shifts…on my ass.

  278. “Megyn, it’s like you’re obsessed with me. Cant talk about anything else. SAD. Can I buy you a yacht?”

  279. If you are wanting things to work out, BIW, then my hopes are with you.

    S’alright, ‘Spur.

    She’s had some legitimate beefs, but the counseling was her idea. The problem is that I can’t meet one of the conditions she put on it because of a year-long waiting list.

    I doubt it will get ugly, because she’s bringing the boys, and we’re all supposed to go to the Spring Fair tomorrow.

    I would just like her to see that the better living through chemistry is still working.

  280. “I’ve got Hostages in shifts…on my ass.“

    Welcome to camp. EVERYday is your turn in the barrel.

    Good times, good times.

    Time to start the rolls. Later ‘taters.

  281. “So I’ve got these friends, The Hostages, you should meet them.”

  282. If I missed a link, forgive me. I just found out today is Natl Record Store Day.

  283. “I have an enormous schwanzeschtucker”

  284. “Oh…no. Just no. That eye shadow with that dress? Are you colorblind?”

  285. Happy Natl Record Store Day, Wiser!

  286. If I missed a link, forgive me. I just found out today is Natl Record Store Day.

    IT’S NOT Aaaaaaahh screw it…

  287. Bcoch, will we be getting a baseball post soon?

  288. “Pull my finger”

  289. “So….. swallow or spit?”

  290. I heard that too,Oso.

    Wiser should’a been there.

  291. Are those for real?

  292. “I think Donald Trump would make an excellent President, don’t you?”

  293. “What happened to your face?”

  294. “So, have you ever been with a guy who was really, really hung? What was that like?”

  295. Here, smell my finger!

  296. “My names Alex. You’ll be screaming it tonight. Also ‘let me out’ and ‘please, I promise I won’t tell the police’.”

  297. Did your sister tell you I was great in bed?

  298. “remember your first blow job? Tasted great, didn’t it”

  299. Does this smell like chloroform to you?

  300. Do you shave or wax?

  301. “Ummmm, which bathroom do you normally use?”

  302. Guys, better stop, or the ladies are gonna get too excited.

  303. I know a few couples that recovered after counseling, but, you know, Catholics.

    I have also been through a separation with the lady feeding the baby in my dining room right now. We worked things out, it’s possible.

  304. “you must be gluten free, because… seriously, It’s really important to me.”

  305. “Let me tell you about me workout.”

  306. “So….you into CrossFit?”

  307. “Before we go any further, I think we need to agree on a safe word”

  308. “I do crossfit.”

  309. “So, up for a quick game of darts? Or perhaps, fucking me in the ass?”

  310. “Are you allergic to latex?”

  311. “I hate to be that guy, but perhaps you’re familiar with a little film I made–‘Two Girls, One Cup’?”

  312. Oso, yeah, I gotta get off my ass and do one. Now that the Braves finally won, I can come down off the ledge.

  313. “I hate to be that guy, but perhaps you’re familiar with a little film I made–‘Two Girls, One Cup’?”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    nice one, shawn.

  314. Wanna see my Beanie Baby collection?

  315. “Excuse me, but I seem to have run out.. Do you happen to have any lotion?

  316. Small hands. Those will make my dick look big.

  317. “You look a lot like your mother. This is gonna be fun.”

  318. DO. NOT. DIVORCE.

    The little secret my kids don’t know is that Frau and I are both on second marriages. We were both young, and stupid, BIRPM, and that’s it’s own story that you just figured out from the back story.

    Given our experiences, though varied, the Frau will shoot me before she divorces me.

    And I don’t blame her.

    Fact is, if you find a reason to love someone, that reason is still there 20 years later. It is cumbersome to seek it out, but it’s there. In that respect, love is like a clitoris,

    Seek and ye shall find.

  319. Can you help me get this box into my van?

  320. “Did you know, the female orgasm is a myth? It’s science.”

  321. “Does the carpet match the curtains?”

    (Said to a woman with visible roots)

  322. “Hi, I’m Bill. Bill Cosby. Can I buy you a drink?”

  323. “Did you know, the female orgasm is a myth? It’s science.”

    This. Works.

  324. “Would you like to see my pudding pop?”

  325. I’d like to speak with you a moment about Jesus Christ…

  326. “Are you familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?”

  327. >>>> I’d like to speak with you a moment about Jesus Christ…

    Im Eastern Orthodox, so expect a broadcast delay

  328. “Hi. I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’re just covered with delicious lady skin.”

  329. My friend Morgenholz claims that love is like a clitoris.

    What do you think?

  330. “…love is like a clitoris”

  331. “So….how do you feel about polygamy?”

  332. Im Eastern Orthodox, so expect a broadcast delay

    Me too! Me, too! Eastern Conservative Orthodox or Eastern Liberal Orthodox?

  333. “Damn, you’re the finest chick up in this place! But before I even say anything else, I just gotta ask–are you a Jew? Because that’s kind of a deal-breaker.”

  334. “Mine are bigger.”

  335. “Would you like to see pics of my wiener?”

  336. “Would you say you’re sexually adventurous? Or just a flat out slut?”

  337. I work at a record store…..

  338. “Are you a cop? Because you have to tell me if you’re a cop.”

  339. *looks her over from head to toe*

    “So, what do you go…138-140?”

  340. I play bass….

  341. Wanna see my toenail collection?

  342. “Would you like to see pics of my wiener?”

    I figure you actually have a t-shirt with “Ask me about my wiener!” on it. Unless Dan said ‘no’.

  343. “Do you like fishsticks?”

  344. So if I’m interpreting organholder correctly, were sposta still be concerned about the clitoris after 20 years? oh shit……

  345. How do you feel about Scientology?

  346. >>>My friend Morgenholz claims that love is like a clitoris.

    If you believe that love not need be nurtured and maintained, than I humbly ask your correction.

    If you believe that love does not need be humbly caressed and stroked, then I humbly ask your correction.

    Now. Which titty bar is closest?

  347. “Top or bottom?”

  348. PG, no. You’re supposed to find the clitoris on the 20-year-old.

  349. I have never known a married couple to go through counseling, and save their marriage. Every single instance, my own included, ended in divorce.

    Not in my experience.

    Best of luck to you, BiW.

  350. Pick number between 68 and 70.

  351. Dan has all the wiener tees

  352. I love the way you laugh. It reminds me of my last woman-friend. Her name is Hillary….

  353. Circumcised, or uncircumcised?

  354. “Hold on a minute, the chess thread is up”

  355. I think Ben Stiller is our greatest living actor……

  356. “How much do you know about chemtrails?”

  357. My mom says you’re a whore…..

  358. Colex, I’m way way way outa the market for 20 year olds. Unless you’re talking whiskey.

  359. Can’t possibly catch up. Just got home.

    Phat and Cyn were awesome, as was Russ. And I’m glad I got to meet the guy who posted here Wiser that you contacted. He is a good dude, and we didn’t bother shaking hands, we hugged.

  360. >>>Not in my experience.

    Best of luck to you, BiW.

    Listen to her, Listen well.

    If it was easy, then anybody could do it. They can’t.

    You can.

  361. Do you visit the sex offender registry?

  362. And believe me, your mom knows a whore when she sees one.

  363. “hey…”

    *snaps picture with smartphone*

    “one sec…”

    “*whew”

    “Hi, my name is wiserbud.. nice to meet you, Angelica Turner of 357 West Main Street, Apt. 2.”

  364. “I’m not allowed within 1000 feet of a school. That’s not a problem, is it?”

  365. Good news, the Doctor says I’m probably not contagious..

  366. “So…do you get released from this prison often?”

  367. we didn’t bother shaking hands, we hugged.

    but of course.

  368. Do you have children? sweeeeeeeeeeet…….

  369. “Hey, I have a local radio show…”

  370. *holds up hand

    See these fingers?

    They were my dad’s…..

  371. Wiser, also pushed aside the handshake of one of the 3 college buddies who spoke for him yesterday.

    His story was epic.

  372. “Hey, I have a local radio show…”

    That doesn’t even work with my wife and she has to come home with me.

  373. Well we shook hands first, I wasn’t gonna go all gay on him

  374. His story was epic.

    I’m stunned.

    get some rest. and then share.

  375. Well we shook hands first, I wasn’t gonna go all gay on him

    so… what you’re saying is….

    I’m still special…..

    Sweet!

  376. “Nice dress. It would look even better crumpled up on the floor of my rape dungeon.”

  377. “I wasn’t gonna go all gay on him”

    You only thought about it.

  378. “First rule: Never forget the lube.”

  379. He was a good lookin kid

  380. Do you have any taint pictures? Do you want some?

  381. “turn around….”

  382. Surgery would probably fix that.

  383. “Ever get that feeling you’re being watched? No? Good.”

  384. Didn’t I see you on xhamster?

  385. “Excuse me, sir, I mean ma’am, I mean ummmm….”

    (I still want my Indian name.)

  386. Gave Elliot an ice cube. He froze it to his lip.

    clump clump clump.

    Funneh stuff.

  387. “…. swipe right”

  388. “Two questions: First, do you believe in reincarnation? Second, have you ever heard of Ed Gein?”

  389. Is Elliot doing his business outside?

  390. Phat and Cyn were awesome, as was Russ.

    *coughs*

  391. Yes, Elliot is 99% outside. Only when there’s an emergency, couple accidents. Very much improved.

  392. oh I done fucked up again

    It was so nice seeing you too beasn both times..

    yeesh I suck

  393. I’m out, my friends.

    Love you all.

  394. Gonna watch Chappie. Anyone see it?

  395. Night wiser.

  396. “Seek and ye shall find.”
    unless you’re in Egypt –

    http://tinyurl.com/h2fw67e

  397. night wb

  398. Happy Birthday April and Pups. Great thread. Good jerb.

    (pups has worms-be sure to wash your hands)

  399. Hurray! for Elliot.

  400. “OK, business first, I’m going to need you to sign this waiver.”

  401. *scoots butt all over docs carpet*

  402. oh I done fucked up again

    *hugs*

    Go get some sleeps.

  403. somebody express Pupster’s glands

    I’ll wait.. line forms over there

  404. Evenin’, fuquers de hose

  405. >> Anyone see it?

    No

  406. *hugs* beasn

    emotional reservoir zero

    physical approaching

    Glad we hugged I needed it lots

  407. Gonna watch Chappie. Anyone see it?

    I guarantee that line has never gotten anybody laid.

  408. I’m disappointed no one taped Dave’s iPhone to a hoe and livestreamed this thing.

  409. ‘Have you ever seen a grown man piss blood?’

  410. You know, if you play your cards right you could be the next ex-Mrs Phat.

  411. We couldn’t find a ho

  412. So, I win?

  413. Shyeah. Right.

  414. To be fair, it was Dave and Russ, trying to find a ho. Maybe phat could, or even beasn.

    But Dave and Russ?

  415. My Indian name is “Sits On Fist”

  416. You win alright!

    Now, have you ever expressed anal glands?

  417. Er, “canine” anal glands I mean

  418. No, but I think Elliot is expressing his own anal glands, napping under the desk.

    Whoa, wonder what he ate.

  419. Not on the first date.

  420. Rowan floats some stinkers too. Gotta be the lack of a probiotic in his ghetto kibble.

  421. “whew – smells like cauliflower in here”

  422. That must be why I’m so farty, too.

  423. Happy birthday Puppah!

  424. Happy Birthday Aprilwine!

  425. Phat took care of the ass pennies.

  426. Beasn,

    That was funny.

    Open caskets creep me out, but not as much as the couple who was touching the ‘mortal coil that used to be know as Rosetta’.

    They did give me the perfect cover to hide the ass pennies in the casket.

    I still haven’t mustered up the nerve to tell my wife.

    She’s very understanding (obviously!) and loved having Russ stay with us.

    Ass Pennies, especially surreptitiously hidden in a casket, may be a bridge too far for her right now.

  427. Haha, that is awesome.

    I know Rosetta would have approved.

  428. “icebreakers”

    so….. how many hotdogs can you peel per second?

    http://tinyurl.com/goxymo6

  429. For those who don’t know,

    Ass Pennies:

    Ass Pennies – watch more funny videos
  430. man, the ass pennies were so fine

  431. LOL……go ahead and tell your wife. It only matters that Lance would have gotten a kick out of it.

  432. *wonders if they jingled like a can of change, when he was moved*

  433. Just how many pennies are we talking about?

  434. Remember the picture he showed us of when he was a little girl?

  435. The ass pennies made me laugh and cry and laugh all over again

  436. So…whose ass had the pennies been in?

  437. Hey Dave, that cardinal looked like he wanted to sit on our heads.

    *while we were having lunch, after the funeral service, a young male cardinal kept hopping on the sill, outside, looking at us like he wanted to come in and join us. *

  438. Sean, the answer would be Phat’s.

  439. It occurs to me that the joke here is on the Ferryman.

  440. Love the pic, beasn, thanks! I remember it.

  441. Chappie is kinda dumb, but entertaining.

  442. Anyone watch the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas movie on HBO tonight?

    Yea, me neither.

  443. Of course it was a cardinal, beasn.

  444. He flew down a couple of times, Jay. Our table was right next to the window. And he would bounce around the sill looking like he wanted in to sit with us, have a cocktail and a crust of Cyn’s and Dave’s pizza.

    He looked a little scrappy, transitioning to adulthood. When we left he was up in the tree sounding quite happy.

  445. Since then, I’ve been thinking about that picture… when he was a little girl.

  446. Was great seeing Beasns and Phat and Russ and Dave. And the hugs were awesome too.

    Missed you guys on the blog; was kind of an emotional overload for a few days there. Glad to be home and home-here.

    Pretty pooped now.

    Nighty dreams, cool kids.

  447. And nighty dreams to Xbrad too.

  448. Jay,

    It was just a couple of pennies.

    In hindsight, I’m pretty sure I could of slipped a bullwhip or two into the casket.

    It’s a skill I was not aware of, but evidently I’m a visitation Ninja.

  449. I applaud your skills, and I appreciate all of you being there.

    Wish I could have gone.

  450. Have a good night, Cyn. Glad you made it safely home.

    *hugs to you*

  451. night Cyn

  452. and in the immortal words of our departed friend…

    Now what shall we talk about?

  453. Cardinals are usually pretty skittish. At least the ones in my neighborhood are.

  454. My husband caught me some bluegill today and is going to cook them up for lunch tomorrow.

    And no, I did not watch Anita Hill crap. I watched an episode of The Middle. Can’t wait to see the one from yesterday, was it? Where Sue is going all SJW because the guy she likes is what Frankie calls a douche. HAHAHA

  455. beasn, you ever watch Last Man Standing? Mrs. Jay turned me on to reruns of that show. It’s pretty funny.

  456. Went out this afternoon and shot some trap with new shotgun.

    Did surprisingly well. Hit 22 out of 25. Loving the new gun.

  457. http://tinyurl.com/hxb9fkl

    Why is one of the Ramones holding that poor woman at gunpoint?

  458. Going to attempt to make it to Denver in the am. Supposed to be in the sim at 12 noon.

    Confidence is not high.

  459. Jay, no I haven’t. I’ll have to check it out.

    I did start catching some of The Blacklist.

  460. Trap shooting is so much fun, but haven’t done it in years.

  461. Friday night I kept Russ up until 3 am talking about stupid stuff.

    We share a mutual love for Clint Eastwood movies. ‘Unforgiven’ is a shared favorite.

    I promised him I would post this song. One of my favorite artists, Jason Isbell (formerly of the Drive-By Truckers).

    This song kind of shares the same story arc of William Muny in ‘Unforgiven’.

  462. >>>Now what shall we talk about?

    The debate for the ages is finally addressed and settled?

    Dick hanging lower than the balls, or balls hanging lower than the dick — what do women prefer?

  463. Who doesn’t like Clint Eastwood movies?

  464. Another one from the Drive-By’s:

    Space City.

    Always make me thing of Roamie.

  465. Jason Isbell was never in the military, but he must have a lot of friends who are Marines.

    This is the best song written about the Iraq war.

    Dress Blues:

  466. Boo. Hiss.

  467. Hey Phat. Fair winds. And it was so good to see you my friend

  468. Ok, fixed the last link.

    Jason Isbell is my favorite artist. His recovery story is very touching and gives me hope that I may eventually get my shit together.

  469. I love you Bart

  470. I so need to make myself sleep

    love you knuckleheads

  471. They did give me the perfect cover to hide the ass pennies in the casket.

    Phat, you are my new hero, man.

  472. “Turn around”

    Ahahahanahahwnsh

  473. Roamy, your Indian name is Der Fresh Maker.

  474. Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven
    Don’t you know each derp contains pennies from heaven?
    You’ll find your fortune’s fallin’ all over the town
    Be sure that your umbrella is upside down

  475. Rich Piana is the evil mirror of YouTube vegans.

  476. “Ass Pennies, especially surreptitiously hidden in a casket, may be a bridge too far for her right now.”

    I’m glad it’s early and I’m hanging out with only my dogs because the whole ass pennies story and the movie clip had me laughing pretty hard along with a few sniffles.

  477. Balls Dick
    ^ ^
    Dick Balls

    I want to thank Bart for posting that video. I’m surprised it didn’t become a new topic to discuss.

    *shaves balls

  478. Wouldn’t that make them get really cold?

  479. The ass pennies are classic. I applaud your mad skillz, Phat.

  480. I like that in the live performance of “Dress Blues” that Phat posted the audience slowly becomes quieter as the song progresses as they figure out the song’s meaning.

    DbT’s and Isbell are favorites of mine too. Awesome musician.

  481. Only if I walk around sans pants outside in the winter.

  482. Wait, you don’t?

  483. The closest I get to that is shorts and a t-shirt indoors with the wood stove stoked. When I let the dogs out and stand in the garage I grab a blanket to wear as a man shawl.

  484. I listened to the rest of Wiserradio this morning and wondered, has anyone ever actually drunk Jager from a glass? I have only swigged it from the bottle.

  485. No such thing as a man shawl.


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