Big Boob Friday – Ummmm….. Yeah… Soooo….

Hello to friends both old and new and welcome to the today’s edition of Big Boob Friday.

Well, it’s been a difficult week for us here at the ol’ H2. A time of great sadness has befallen us as we have lost a beloved friend and an original Hostage this past weekend. A person for whom the word “original” is wholly inadequate.

Lance (Rosetta) was a man of great heart, great humor and great passion. One could not help but be amazed by his incredible zest for life and laughter. Upon meeting him, you instantly became his friend, and not in the shallow, meaningless bullshit-cocktail-party sort of way. He honestly took you into his heart and actually cared about you from that moment forward.

We have all shared many stories and remembrances these past few days. It many ways, it has helped to ease our pain. The fun and the laughter… that is who Lance was and will always be to me, as I sure he will be to many, many others.

It almost feels like an insult to his memory to be sad. But someday, hopefully soon, the sadness will subside and we will all be together and raise a toast to our friend with a smile.

But I did not come to this post to mourn Lance. No, I came here to praise Rosetta.  And of course, to make fun of him.

I think that is what he would have wanted.

So mix yourself up a caipirinha, sit back and enjoy

The Hostages is a creation of so many people and so many years.  But I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that Rosetta truly gave this place it’s soul.  So many things about this place, the on-going inside jokes, the tenor of our humor, just the ridiculous silliness of it all can, in a great many ways, be attributed to him.  As has been said before, the man could insult you straight to your face, and you would walk away smiling.

Who here doesn’t briefly grin when someone asks for the salt at the dinner table?  Who here hasn’t silently screamed “COUNT YOUR DICK” at some asshole co-worker?  Who here didn’t think that my name was Richard for a very, very long time?  (well, not me, of course. ‘Cause I’m not a fucking idiot.)

But one of his greatest creations, one that almost seems to have come about as an after-thought one crisp autumn Friday afternoon, yet has remained a long-standing tradition and an almost defining feature of this place, is, of course, Big Boob Friday.  Yes, Rosetta certainly had a appreciation for women with bigguns.  And it seemed that he had… well.. let’s say.. a “type.”

For those of you who were not here in those early days, a little history.  The Hostages actually used to have more than one post a day.  In fact, there were days when almost everyone would post something.  Sometimes it was actually content, sometimes it was just a post to bust another Hostage’s balls, but there could easily be 5 or 6 posts here in a single day.

And those posts would get 15 or 20 comments.  A long one had maybe 60 comments.

And then, on September 28, 2007, something magical happened.

Rosetta posted this:

Wake Up! It’s Big Boob Friday.

Like cookies & milk or blow & dead hookers, some things just go together.  It’s almost as if nature conspired to make us happy by bringing together two things that are in perfect harmony with one another.

Such is the case with big boobs and Fridays.  I don’t know why they go together but they do.  And who are we to ask why, really?

Having big boobs is like having a lot of money; you can never have enough and if you bitch about it, everyone will hate your guts.  Big boobs also have to be real to count.  The reason for that is that wiserbud could get fake big boobs if he wanted.  And no one wants to see that.

Since everything needs a song, “I Must Increase My Bust” is the theme for Big Boob Friday.  It sounds better really loud and after 10 beers.

If you don’t know the Lords of Acid then you didn’t do enough drugs in college.

Now that we have the housekeeping matters out of the way, I give you today’s model, Milena Velba.

Milena Velba

Once Wickedpinto is out of his bunk, we can sing happy birthday to him because I think today is his birthday.

Like I said, a “type

Looking back, I probably should have banned that fat bastard that very day.  But I thought it was just a one-off and that he was doing this for a laugh.  Little did I realize….

Couple of pieces of trivia here:  That post got a grand total of 16 comments.  And that was also the very first day that he started using what would become his signature avatar.

But I will give the bald boob buff credit.  He recovered nicely the second week, presenting us all with this absolutely gorgeous specimen

Veronica Zemanova

Notice the blank stare that soon became a regular feature of the BBF gals.

But more often than not, his taste would lean towards the more, oh let’s say, healthier end of the spectrum as he continued to refine his craft.

Then, Christmas of 2007, it happened.  The one moment that would change us all for the rest of our lives.  The moment that will live in infamy.  The moment Rosetta presented us with this:

kerry xmas

A a star was born.

I believe Lauraw said it best in her comment that day:

Ecchh. I usually keep my criticism of your women to myself, but Rosetta, WTF?

Yeah, when a gal has a big beer belly and a foot-wide muff, it would be difficult for her to not have huge knockers too.

I don’t believe you guys sometimes. That’s some nasty ‘model.’ What does she model? Dumptrucks?

And her facial expression isn’t sexy…looks like she’s about to say ‘chocolate covered chicken.’

Seriously, man. You’re perilously close to rag-on-a-stick territory here.

Ahhhh feel so much better.
Think I’ll go kick a puppy.

Yes, Lauraw was cruel to Rosetta that day, my friends.  She truly cut him deeply with her impudence.  But fear not! Rosetta would eventually have his revenge.

Rosetta would go on to defend the beauty and charms of Miss Kerry Marie for years afterwards.  She would be his go-to choice for the BBF repeatedly.  The only thing more fascinating than following his progression deeper and deeper into this obsession was watching Kerry grow larger and larger over the years.

Rosetta indeed provided us with years of laughter and joy (and Xbrad with hours and hours of self-abuse) with his BBF selections.  Sometimes he was making the joke, or sometimes we were deriding his selection for that week.

bea-flora-10a

As time went on, the feature became more and more popular, attracting more and more people to the blog and more and more comments regarding Kerry Marie’s weight.  Rosetta would have a few clunkers here and there, but for the most part, he did pretty damn well and kept his use of obese Eastern European women to a minimum.

Random trivia time!  Name the Hostage who was also a BBF Gal!

For a short time, the BBF was even referenced in Wikipedia!  Until some fucktard wienie decided that the concept of beautiful womens’ breast was icky.

bbf_wiki

Of course, there was a spelling error, just to piss off Hootspur.

Here’s a couple of extra examples of Rosetta’s selections, just so you know he wasn’t totally insane…

 

As an aside, Rosetta was a master of photoshop. *snicker

 

So while we all had fun at Rosetta’s expense regarding his affinity for the heftier gals, we must always remember…

He did also give us Erica Campbell…

erica_campbell sweet

erica campbell nightgown

erica 2011 bikini

erica 2011 flowers

for this……

Erica_Campbell_22

…..all previous sins are forgiven.

RIP, my brother.

Some stuff happened in history today.  Here, look it up.

I also promised this would be a joke thread.

So…

Worst names for funeral homes.

I’ll start

Dewey, Eatem & Howe

Now please excuse me while I run an extremely deep anti-virus and anti-spyware scan.

the things I do for you people……..

Edit: Added pics of arrangement from Cyn:

IMG_3989IMG_3991

627 Comments

  1. Thank you Wiser. A labor of love to occupy my Friday.

  2. http://is.gd/ueeYnT

  3. Nicely played wiser. RIP Rosie.

    How many Hostages does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side!

    Happy Friday everybody!

  4. L to R: Innocent Bystander, Hostage

    http://preview.tinyurl.com/zxh52a9

  5. Big Plots

  6. http://tinyurl.com/zd52y4z

  7. Great job wiser!

  8. Mushroom John’s Organic Eternal Rest

  9. It took about 20 minutes, but I clicked every single link

  10. Super tribute, wiser. Well done.

    I love the walk down memory lane! Jesus Guiterrez, Rosie was indiscriminate in his mammarian appreciation. At least at 2 AM in the bar, you can chalk your fugly partner up to intoxication & minimal choice; Rosie might have been intoxicated when he chose those gals, but he had a whole internet of free porn to choose from, and he chose….Well, the record speaks for itself, and he veritably wallowed in the abuse those posts would generate. Rosie loved the shitstorm of revulsion at his BBF models as much as the models’ saskquatch-ian titties.

  11. Good job, Wiser. Thank you for reminding me of the pillow fight.

    Bed, Bath for Beyond

  12. I’m still really sad that someone as pretty as Erica chose to do porn.

  13. Not as sad as I am about other things, of course, but whenever I see her I just have a moment of “man, she could have had a real career or been a trophy wife, why?”

  14. Here you go Pup

    http://preview.tinyurl.com/jcvn7ej

  15. Can’t edit lol

    http://tinyurl.com/gv6ygmy

  16. I’m still really sad that someone as pretty as Erica chose to do porn.

    Aesthetist.

  17. There are lots of things I got out of the habit of doing since I stopped coming by this place by with regularity, like using tinyurl and engaging in autoerotic asphyxiation.

  18. Attractive people have more options, Jazz, that’s just fact. Why someone that pretty would pick such a bad one boggles my mind.

  19. I mean I don’t use tinyurl anymore, and I don’t do autoerotic asphyxiation anymore, not that I don’t do both at the same time anymore. Which I don’t – I never really did, but I want to make sure all the bases are covered with you people. I’ve been tripped up by words in this place in the past.

  20. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, leon.

  21. Good morning, cool kids. I uploaded pix Dave took yesterday of the flower arrangement if someone could get them on here. Hugs.

    Awesome poat, wiser and wiserbud.

  22. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, leon.

    Don’t worry, I don’t.

  23. This fucking window licker!

    ‘This is a beautiful problem to have in a school because it’s a chance to practice democracy,’ he said.

    http://tinyurl.com/h5uml8m

  24. G’morn, bonnie Cynnie-bun. :-)

  25. Don’t worry, I don’t.

    That cuts, leon.

    DEEP.

    You know vanity is my achilles’ heel.

  26. I left it ambiguous, man, how you took it is on you.

    ON YOU.

  27. Thanks, Wiser

    Freres Saucisse Funeral Home

  28. There really are 2 Maines Jazz. Southern Maine, especially around Portland,is bluer than blue. Once you get north of LL Bean in Freeport it gets more red. Not quite as red as The Donald’s hat, but more conservative in general.

  29. Ottman Funeral Home & Taxidermy

  30. This made me think of Leon

    http://tinyurl.com/jmggznb

  31. Got them in there for ya, Cyn.

  32. Well damn. That one made the “pow” sound in my head.

    Sometimes I worry about my synesthesia.

  33. This made me think of Leon

    Have some more ice cream!

  34. Facecook: A Mark Zuckerburg crematorium.

  35. wakey wakey

  36. Kingsford Creamatorium and Briquettes

  37. Thanks Jay

  38. Has a charity been determined? I”m gonna figure out my paypal stuff today.

  39. Heaven’s Gate Mortuary.

    Jesus, that SOB was pretty damned funny. “Lords of Acid”, indeed.

    “Thanks for the Mammaries” would seem to be an appropriate epitaph.

  40. OH wow….tears all over again.

  41. Well done, my brother.

  42. It’s in my nature to not think about things too much when stuff like this happens (I suppose it could be seen as cold). but, it just gets me upset. Every time my mind wanders, I just tell myself – Man was he a funny/nice guy.

    Which he was. Wish I could have seen all those smiling pictures of him, but I suppose that would have made my mind wander.

  43. The post was very nice Wiser. Sorry I didn’t mention it.

  44. Joe’s Crematorium & BBQ

  45. I watched a bit of that debate last night, and I was thinking back to when we used to all watch this stuff together and comment. Rosie was always hilarious at that.

  46. Dahmer Funeral Home and Deli

  47. Damian’s Home for the Eternal Hereafter

  48. There really are 2 Maines Jazz. Southern Maine, especially around Portland,is bluer than blue.

    I guess what I was thinking was, “What fucking principal sees bullying in his school as a POSITIVE?”

  49. *scrolls up*

    Gah! J’Ames beat me to it. Kind of.

    Ashes is ashes.

  50. Ed Gein Mortuary & Upholstery

  51. ON YOU.

    Hey! The only thing on me is chocolate sauce and ligature marks!

  52. Wish I could have seen all those smiling pictures of him, but I suppose that would have made my mind wander.

    Something for another day, when the pain isn’t so raw. It really IS okay not to salt your own wounds.

  53. Here’s to fat girls with huge cans! (Drinks)

  54. I watched a bit of that debate last night, and I was thinking back to when we used to all watch this stuff together

    That must have been before I wanted to shoot every fucking democrat who opens his mouth EVER.

  55. Of course the first song I heard this morning when I got in the car was “You Should Be Here”

    It’s perfect outside its like god let me dial up the weather
    Got the whole crew here, I ain’t seen some of them in forever
    It’s one of those never forget it, better stop and take it in kinda scenes
    Everything’s just right yeah except for one thing …

  56. I have a hypothesis that when bullying doesn’t happen naturally, you end up with the people who should have been bullied using the force of government to brutalize others.

    Seriously, if the pajamaboy and shrieking harpy SJWs had been mocked correctly the first time they said stupid shit, maybe it woulda stopped.

  57. I’m at the deli

    I’m at the Dahmer Funeral Home

    I’m at the combination deli Dahmer Funeral Home

  58. Gosh, I get busy with work and life for a few minutes and so much happens. I mean, I’m not THAT busy, I never miss BBF. RIP Rosetta

  59. that’s what I did with my dad, Jazz.

    And not salting my wounds. Yep. I completely avoid that. Push it off for another day.

  60. I share that hypothesis, Leon.

  61. I thought Disturbed cover of “Sound of Silence” would be perfect for Lance’s service. Came on last night and that immediately came to me.

    Then I pushed the image from my head and thought “Man, was he a funny dude”.

  62. Bravo Wiser!! I have to admit, most of the BBF posts made me cringe so I wouldn’t read/look at them. These were not bad. Not great either. Who is Erica?

    Dead Man’s Party Funeral Home

  63. *wonders if the funeral home has a transgendered bathroom.

    It would only be right .

  64. I like it, leon. So true.

    Bullies used to be dealt with in a different way, a punch in the mouth. But that takes a spine. And not somebody else doing it for you.

  65. “What does she model? Dump trucks?”

    Hahahahahaha

    This is why I <3 Laura.

  66. Where is Moose’s head RIGHT NOW, Car in?

  67. Banglar Funeral Home!!!

  68. Haha, Andy.

  69. The hearse is the Free Candy van.

  70. Moose’s head is basically under my chair. They said Newfies basically want to sit on your feet all day. He is constantly underfoot.

    Vet in 45 min. I’m curious to see how much weight he’s gained.

  71. Bullies used to be dealt with in a different way, a punch in the mouth. But that takes a spine.

    Exactly. For every 1 kid that cracks, there’s 9999 that get thicker skin or learn to fight back. I’m not condoning the bullying, but when you characterize even the mildest disagreement as bullying and then outlaw it, all you do is change the direction of the arrow, you don’t eliminate it.

  72. Big Boob Funeral Home.

  73. SWIDT?

  74. Spaniels need to have contact all day too. At least Elliot does.

    It’s getting warmer now, so he’s sleeping on the floor. Cooler. He used to have to be touching you the whole time.

  75. I have a hypothesis that when bullying doesn’t happen naturally, you end up with the people who should have been bullied using the force of government to brutalize others.
    Seriously, if the pajamaboy and shrieking harpy SJWs had been mocked correctly the first time they said stupid shit, maybe it woulda stopped.

    Nah, they often were bullied, but were told that they needed to run and tell a teacher, rather than standing up for themselves.

  76. I’ll take some pictures of the little pooper today.

  77. Told the story before, but I got bullied in grade school. Principal told me to pop him in the mouth. I did.

    We wound up friends.

  78. Hotspur, I thought she asked if she modeled drum sticks. Seems more appropriate.

    Free makeup makeover for your loved one only at, Dead or Alive Funeral Home.

  79. I’ll just say good morning, before I start an hour of silence.

    Good job, Wiserbub!

  80. Wal Mart Funeral Home

  81. Less Fuss Ashes to Dust

  82. Dammit, I can’t remember the name of the mortician character from the “Tumbleweeds” comic, but the sign on his shop said:

    “You plug ’em.
    We plant “em.”

  83. Stiffies Funeral Home

  84. Moriarty Mortuary and Septic Services

  85. Walking Dead Funeral Home

  86. Corpse and Such Mortuary

  87. Todd’s Funeral Home & Deli Catering Service

  88. Dave’s Dead Hooker Disposal

  89. Point Of No Return Funeral Home

  90. Wake Up and Smell The Roses Mortuary

  91. Hell’s Kitchen Carry-out

  92. Jiffy Plot

  93. Greenrest Funerary & Lawn Care Services

  94. Satan’s Mortuary: You slash’em and bash’em, we’ll trash’em.

    True story – I had a coworker who would answer the phone with that after hours at the hobby shop when the phone wouldn’t stop ringing with “When do you close?” calls.

  95. I have a hypothesis…

    I completely agree, and I have espoused the exact same theory myself, except with a more particular emphasis on attorneys and especially prosecutors being a group made up largely of those whose asses weren’t kicked enough as kids. I’m wondering if we’ve talked about this before?

    Back to the ME superintendent, though – what the kid reported was assault (at a minimum), and teachers/staff mocked the kid, too. Characterizing torts, probable violations of the criminal code, and staff abuse of students as a “beautiful problem” is bizarre.

  96. The fact that the superintendent thought that was the proper response is telling. He’s in the safe zone for that and thinks that way. The left have long conquered the education system. But enough about this hat kerfuffle, let’s move on to the important issue of gender neutral bathrooms.

  97. Corpsman Corpseman’s Med-Station & Mortuary

  98. Don’t Tread On Me Mortuary

  99. But enough about this hat kerfuffle, let’s move on to the important issue of gender neutral bathrooms.

    Dude! What about sitzpinklers??? Where do THEY belong?

  100. Lessrot Mortuary

    We Keep Decay at Bay

  101. Woody & Chip’s Discount Mortuary

  102. Charon’s Ferry Crematorium

  103. I give this poat 47 of these thingies:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Wilcox Mortuary and Sausage Outlet.

  104. Vanna’s Perfumery & Embalmists

  105. Wilcox Mortuary and Sausage Outlet.

    “We’re your after party headquarters!”

  106. Alvin Green Pastures Funeral Home

  107. Ready or Not Burial Services

  108. Kelly Marie’s Mammarian Mortuary
    Step into the afterlife with your breast foot forward!

  109. Blown Away Crematorium

  110. Hot deals at the Crematory Gehenna! 2 for 1, & you keep your teeth! Sizzlin’!

  111. “We’re your after party headquarters!”

    You’ve flummoxed me with that one. I don’t admit flummoxation easily.

  112. Inflummoxation?

  113. Now I’m confounded, too.

  114. Long Pig Funeral Home and BBQ

  115. You’re big words confuse me like big boobs perplex me.

    Come As You Are Mortuary

  116. Whodat Funeral Home

  117. Rigorous Mortuary

  118. In and out funeral home.

  119. Digya Cemetary Services

  120. Pull My Finger Funeral Home

  121. The Winston McCauley Funeral Home

    Care, compassion, dedication. These are the things we can promise you at Winston-McCauley Funeral Home. And there’s one other thing we can promise:

    That we will not have sex with any dead body.

    How can we guarantee this level of service?

    First, we rigorously test our applicants for aptitude and intelligence.. and also to make sure they don’t have the urge to have sex with dead bodies. And, if any of our employees fails to live up to our standards, he can be suspended, without pay, for up to six months. And, if that’s not enough, you have my personal assurance that if you can prove that your loved one was the victim of post-mortem sex, I will discount your bill with us for a full $1,000. That’s the Winston-McCauley Guarantee.

  122. Nice post, Wiser.

  123. Winston-McCauley was a Phil Hartman SNL sketch. Damn, that was a funny commercial.

  124. Stephen King Mortuary & Cemetery
    Never Be Rid of Your Loved Ones

  125. Have a nice day. Hi, lauraw. ;-) ‘Bye, lauraw!

  126. Russ just left the house about 30 mins ago. He has a long drive home today.

    We stayed up WAY too late last night.

  127. Freedom!

  128. Did you guys have a good breakfast?

  129. Redneck smoker http://is.gd/f2Hf77

  130. 1. Crap that was long. I seriously considered a “TL;DR”, but for Rosie, well, I read the WHOLE thing.

    2. Hey! The only thing on me is chocolate sauce and ligature marks!

    *thinks it over*

    *looks at calendar*

    Screw it. I’ll have what HE’S having.

  131. Well done, Wiser!

  132. And for the record, I’m glad you included Erica, Wiser and Wiserbud.

    By far and away, our brother’s most enchanting selection. That’s a smile that would draw me from across the room despite the fact that I would get NOWHERE with her, just for the chance to hear the laugh that goes with that smile.

  133. Shady Rest Mortuary and Necromancy Supply

  134. Bubba’s Mortuary and Taxidermy

  135. LAURA AND WISER!!! One of you two owes me a keyboard and monitor. They’re now covered in Dt Mtn Dew.

    “Foot wide muff”?? Really?

  136. Comment by car in on April 15, 2016 10:54 am

    In and out funeral home.

    Six Guys funeral service.

  137. “Foot wide muff”?? Really?

    After $400 worth of Jaeger, you really need some help touching down on the landing strip.

  138. Uncle Adolf’s Crematorium and Pawn Shop.

    I denounce myself.

  139. Bobby Robert’s Mortuary and Bronzing.

  140. wait, your name’s NOT Richard?

  141. After $400 worth of Jaeger, you really need some help touching down on the landing strip.

    After $400 worth of Jaeger you’d be lucky to crash at the airport. And that shit is Atlanta sized.

  142. After $400 worth of Jaeger you’d be lucky to crash at the airport. And that shit is Atlanta sized.

    The 20 year old Kappa in me says “Challenge Accepted.”

    The 44 year old guy “livin’ the dream” says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwP6kIxf9wc

  143. Wiserbud, playing frisbee golf.

    http://is.gd/t9eCw9

  144. The 20 year old Kappa in me says “Challenge Accepted.”
    The 44 year old guy “livin’ the dream” says:

    The 35 year old me is still shuddering at the sheer volume of Jaeger represented by a $400 tab. And I like Jaeger.

  145. I was thinking this was wiser playing frisbee:

  146. Who’s Erica???

  147. sheer volume of Jaeger represented by a $400 tab. And I like Jaeger.

    Tushar could do it.

  148. april, last girl in the poat.

  149. Mmmm…chocolate covered chicken.

    lauraw is hands down the best at word sparring.

  150. Stan’s UrgentCare and Mortuary.

    One way or another, we’ve got you covered.

  151. Didja watch the vid that plays after the one you linked, scott? Heh.

  152. On another day we need to do a joke thread on what to stuff in Rosetta’s casket for him to take to the afterlife.

    Noone put Kerry Marie in first as that wouldn’t leave enough room for anything else.

  153. Nice one, Richard.
    No breastice no piece.

  154. No one put Kerry Marie in first as that wouldn’t leave enough room for anything else.

    Put her in second. I think he’d enjoy that. And she’d crush him flat enough for the lid to close.

  155. Rubberfist

  156. Bottled Floyd farts

  157. Jersey Mike’s Funeral Home

  158. In 4 weeks, Moose has gone from 16 lbs to 31.

  159. Nicely done, Richard.

  160. Nope, I Don’t Think He’s Going to Get Better Funeral Home

  161. Lyin Ted’s Funeral Home and Will Preparation

  162. Record Store Day is tomorrow!

  163. A Better Place Funeral Home

  164. The Vattery

  165. Marty’s Mortuary and Meat Packing

  166. Who’s Erica???

    April, she was one of Rosetta’s premiere BBF gals. By far one of the prettiest woman he ever gave that honor to.

    I’m going to create a new tab (SYWM) and put up all the olde BBFs I saved from H1. Including comments. The pics aren’t there, but the names are if you should chose to go looking. And while the links may look active, I would strongly suggest not clicking on them.

    So, anyone remember which Hostage was also a BBF gal?

  167. BLM Funerals – Open 24/7

  168. Another joke -thread idea: The very FIRST thing Micheal said to Rosie in the afterlife.

  169. Do you know that your “this day in history link” is for tomorrow?

  170. Thank God It’s Funerals

  171. Dotty’s Funeral Home and Beauty Depot

  172. So, anyone remember which Hostage was also a BBF gal?

    Sohos……I WIN!

  173. Sohos, wasn’t it?

  174. De’wayne’s funeral and bootleg fireworks.

  175. Hers are bigger.

  176. Also, I was trying to think of what this post made me feel..as I was reading it and clicking on the links…the words nostalgic and wistful came to mind.

  177. Hers are bigger.

    haha yes

  178. the words nostalgic and wistful came to mind.

    ….yeah…that’s totally what I was feeling while looking at the pics/not reading the content.

  179. Mine are bigger than mine

  180. I just kept thinking about how Rosie was so freakin funny.

  181. Big Boob Funeral Home

    AhahahHahH!.$/$/$/$/$

  182. Wasn’t I BBF b/c it was my bday?

  183. It was probably because of your big boobs.

  184. Carin I agree. I keep thinking of how many hours upon hours I spent laughing at him and all of us together. How happy his humor made me and how much I enjoyed it when he got REALLY angry about something. How he would just obliterate them with his words. It was amazing. TRULY.

  185. Wasn’t I BBF b/c it was my bday?

    *looks at calendar*

    Crap. My bday is…uhh…in no way on a Friday. Nope. Not at all.

  186. Sohos yes, that and because, well……you have big boobs?

  187. Yes, he had a quick wit and a sharp tongue to go with it….but funny as fuck

  188. Yep, what you said Sohos.

    And I feel like an idiot because I thought he wandered away because his life was so awesome and he was too busy with his family, and loving life.

  189. It was probably because of your big boobs.

    http://tinyurl.com/hw3qp9d

  190. I’ve never been featured on BBF. Someone needs to esplain this to me.

  191. Mine are bigger than mine

    It’s like we’re twins or something…

  192. Ha ha ha.. love that little girl picture.

  193. I’ve never been featured on BBF. Someone needs to esplain this to me.

    It’s the shoes.

  194. I can only imagine a nice rant he could work up about Hillary and Bernie right now.

    It would be epic.

  195. If I had been thinking clearly through my grief, I’d have sent a bullwhip to the mortician for insertion in the … casket.

  196. I thought he wandered away because his life was so awesome and he was too busy with his family, and loving life.

    That’s what I thought too

  197. It’s the shoes.

    You guys have always been prejudice against my shoes.

    *feels bullied

  198. Gee Your Mom Smells Terrific

  199. I’ve never been featured on BBF. Someone needs to esplain this to me.

    Someone needs to create a sexy ass in tight pants Wednesday, or something..then you’d be a shoo in

  200. If I had been thinking clearly through my grief, I’d have sent a bullwhip to the mortician for insertion in the … casket.

    And a rubber fist for every day of the week.

  201. Someone needs to create a sexy ass in tight pants Wednesday, or something..then you’d be a shoo in

    We’ve clearly gone a different direction on this blog. You have seen the Monday feature, correct? Besides, wednesday is for hunks.

  202. How about a small/matchbook minivan?

    People would just think it was a child’s toy.

  203. Can someone text DiT or Cyn or Phat and tell them I’m running late? I forgot to get their numbers last night. SYWM.

    Thank you nice person. I’m leaving now.

  204. There will be a purple dildo on his headstone, some day.

  205. The Stank Bank

  206. Im at my kids soccer practice. I had to move away from the sidelines because I read
    Big Plots

    Assholes!!!

  207. Do you know that your “this day in history link” is for tomorrow?

    Oops, was also doing some research for the show and must have mixed them up.

    Will fix.

  208. Chumpo is a soccer dad.

    Imma gonna have to let that sink in.

  209. I thought he wandered away because his life was so awesome and he was too busy with his family, and loving life.

    Me too…..

  210. here will be a purple dildo on his headstone, some day.

    And a minivan.

  211. Being a Soccer Dad reminds me of a story Cozmo told us once

  212. Bach In The Box

  213. This could be the perfect .gif for this place.

    http://tinyurl.com/z7j8teu

  214. Cyn says they’re running a few late as well, Beasn.

  215. I’ve never been featured on BBF. Someone needs to esplain this to me.

    May I suggest that, instead, you get in touch with leon?

  216. ay I suggest that, instead, you get in touch with leon?

    BUT I DON’T WANT TO DO ‘ROIDS

  217. We’ve clearly gone a different direction on this blog. You have seen the Monday feature, correct? Besides, wednesday is for hunks.

    She knew what she was saying…..

  218. Bad Touch Mortuary

  219. Get Off My Lawn Cemetery

  220. 6″ Deep Funeral Home

  221. Bhut Jolokia Crematorium

  222. Carl’s Creamytorium

  223. Soetoro’s Center of Healthcare Excellence and Mortuary

  224. I’ve offered to feature Carins ass…ets on Monday. She politely declined.

  225. Affordable Cremation Association

  226. Besides, wednesday is for hunks.

    shiiiiiiiiiiit I’m pretty sure I started HHD..however I gave up because I got sick and tired of looking through gay porn sites to find suitable men to post

  227. I’ve offered to feature Carins ass…ets on Monday. She politely declined

    Wha? Seriously? That ungrateful bitch!!!

  228. Speaking of being featured…what about the hair on my big toe?

  229. Burn Baby Burn House of Ash

  230. I bugged out early to go do yard work and enjoy the nice weather, so Imma go do that now.

  231. What side of your toe is the hair on?

  232. You know what sucks?

    You finally get to a point where you want to have your picture taken, and there is no one around to take it.

  233. What side of your toe is the hair on?

    The bottom. Isn’t everyone’s?

  234. Mrs. Lovett ‘ Pie Shop…

  235. Lovett’s….. geesh

  236. What side of your toe is the hair on?

    Why you naughty thing, you

  237. I’m so, so sorry to hear about Rosetta. I wish the best for Lance’s family. Thank you, Jimbro, for alerting me. I haven’t been around lately, and such tragic news makes a sad reason to revisit.

  238. I came back from Thousand Oaks yesterday with the upper respiratory cruds and I am doubleplusnothappy about it.

    It’s your fault.

  239. Well howdy, George…it’s been a long time…oh just in time, my new avatar has shown up….and howdy Paulitics

  240. How’s the House from Hell, GO?

  241. and tomswifty…damn, everyone has been here lately
    I miss all of the every the one *cries*

  242. PJ, is that Zombie Sarah Palin?

  243. haha it’s some “drag queen” app my daughter had on her phone…don’t you think I look……..Devine?

  244. Hi Princess Petunia Pot

  245. I still like the eye, personally :)

  246. Hell House is nice and toasty, just as The Prince of Darkness likes it, tom

  247. I still like the eye, personally :)

    well yeah…I only put this new avatar on to be a complete asshole.

  248. mmph, my browser isn’t showing any avatards

  249. I snagged this off the inter tube about a week ago, with the intention of posting it here. Then I forgot to do it.

    Isn’t that kind of bizarre?

  250. Glad to hear, GO. The landscaping alone looked like it cost the size of a Banana Republic’s GNP!

  251. PJ, please….it’s making me cringe like I do around circus clowns

  252. Small hands, smell of garlic

  253. Hotspur, I saw that floating around facebook a week or so ago.

  254. I’ve never been featured on BBF. Someone needs to esplain this to me.
    ———————————-
    *points at floor

    Pick up your tittehs and we’ll talk about it.

  255. It required the deaths of many brown peoples and their cultures, tom

  256. AH, so not the GNP but the people of the Banana Republic. Got it!

  257. George, glad you stopped by. It’s been a hell of a week here for obvious reasons. It just hit me yesterday when I was having a cigar and Scott (I think) asked about different people being notified that my virtual cigar buddy needed to know.

  258. Yeah, this is a helluva shock. I’m not up to speed. Did it happen suddenly?

  259. GO, we’re not going to discuss the particulars here. Send me your g-string, and I’ll forward Wiserbud’s initial email.

  260. No problem, Jimbro.

  261. thanks wiser – first real laughs in a couple of days

  262. PJ, please….it’s making me cringe like I do around circus clowns

    ditto

  263. I had completely forgotten the “This Day in History” portion of Rosetta’s BBFs. He used to incorporate some hilarious fucking links in those.

  264. private message on twitter for you, Jimbro

  265. Sent

  266. 65º outside. Maybe Spring is back?

  267. Thanks, Jimbro. Not much is going to seem funny anymore, for a long time.

  268. More on that vandalism:

    http://www.thecollegefix.com/post/27032/

    The guy that reported it? A residence hall DIRECTOR at ISU. Not just a student.

  269. well yeah…I only put this new avatar on to be a complete asshole.

    *sighs*

    Amateur.

  270. *sighs*

    Amateur.

    Look, I’m doing the best I can, ok?

    Also, why do you people hate my face?
    WOW! I’m hurt.

  271. So it’s racist to proclaim white power, but acceptable to proclaim black power.

    Thank you for the hypocrisy.

  272. Also, why do you people hate my face?
    WOW! I’m hurt.

    We hate you because you’re beautiful, Burritohead.

  273. It’s always been that way, HS!

  274. Pick up your tittehs and we’ll talk about it

    Hey now if they were that big … I mean “long” … I’d be pushing them up and showing them off.

  275. We’re not the ones who stayed away from this place for the last two or three years.

  276. Thank you for getting me back on the e-mail list, Jay (I think). I still never saw the original e-mail from Wiser, if anyone could forward. Thanks.

  277. So as of this morning, I’m a bachelor for a week, and I come down with a cold. It’s a conspiracy, and I suspect everyone in this dump.

  278. forwarded, doc.

  279. *coughs on paulitics

    *again

  280. Dude, you haven’t seen sick ’til you’ve been to TITS.

  281. So as of this morning, I’m a bachelor for a week, and I come down with a cold. It’s a conspiracy, and I suspect everyone in this dump.

    Don’t look at me. I only have a bad personality and a raging case of teh ebolas.

  282. I’m a bachelor once every leap year and I get sick. Is there no justice?

  283. jay, check you e-mail please

  284. Is there no justice?

    Only on the last day, my friend. All else is merely foreshadowing.

  285. Is there a hostage laptop battery? There is now!

  286. Chuck Testa’s funeral parlor and lifelike mannequin shop.

  287. Can we please have Rosetta’s Dean Martin avatard as a permanent banner on H2?

    This is his blog more than anyone else’s.

  288. This is his blog more than anyone else’s.

    ummmm……

    Anyway, if I may direct your attention to the very top of the page, yo will now find a new tab labeled H1 BBFs.

    I have put up all the BBFS from 9/28/07 – 1/25/2008, including the comments.

    I’ll do more when I have time.

  289. Heh

  290. Wiser, yes, you created it and it is yours, technically. But even you know that Rosetta is the heart of this blog, you and me are mere appendages, Laura is the brain, and XBrad is the asshole of this joint.

  291. But even you know that Rosetta is the heart of this blog,

    I mentioned that in my post and I know where you are coming from, but things have changed here over the last few years and while he was a huge part of what it was, it’s not exactly that anymore.

    nice call on the avatar, by the way.

  292. Oh, I think we should have the avatard somewhere in the sidebar, with a link to a memorial thread. But even Rosetta loved switching up the header/tagline.

  293. DieCo could save you $

  294. Pantses Tushard

  295. Actually, Pinto created H1 and PJ created H2, so technically I had nothing to do with the creation of the Hostages and that’s not what I was trying to say.

  296. Does anyone know how to covert a HTM or a MHTML doc to a simple graphic file, so I can upload here for sharing with you all?

  297. “Does anyone know how to covert a HTM or a MHTML doc to a simple graphic file, so I can upload here for sharing with you all?”
    If you send the file to me I can convert it to a pdf then convert all pages to jpegs, but I’ll need all dependencies on the file (images, etc.)
    Or you could just screenshot the individual pages of the html file

  298. so I’m going through the list of people for whom tomorrow is their birthday.

    Reg Alcock, David Nutt and Lisa-Marie Morerod all share the same birthday.

  299. Did you pour Corona on it?

    I think thats how.

  300. file sent, GO

  301. Did you pour Corona on it?

    Iffin I gotta waste a Corona, then forget that shit.

  302. That’s using yer head.

  303. GO’s link worked well. Pretty nifty, but a big file!

  304. good, J’ames, because the file didn’t come across in e mail correctly, I can’t open it

  305. Mexican’t

  306. Hmm, that’s where I got it, email.

  307. I think it was Miss Scarlet with the Muddler in Tech Closet

  308. I went to school with a David Nutt,

  309. for some reason my browser downloads wiser’s file as .eml
    do you know the correct suffix?

  310. I used to kick the shit out of Lanny Balls.

  311. Kenneth?

  312. html

    eml is email

  313. weird, J’ames
    I tried using .html but all I get is alphanumeric gibberish
    I wonder if it was binhexed and never decoded

  314. sounds like it. what if you open as text?

  315. Thanks, Jay and GO. Jay was able to create a smallish .png file out of it.

    So, here ya go. Another blast from the past.

    Check out Fridays

  316. never mind, I had a huge crash
    anyway, wiser sent another copy that parsed correctly
    I’ve sent him jpegs of the whole html file
    I would rather have a root canal than be involved in that calendar…

  317. Check out the light blue box under the 26th.

    HA HA HA

    Who did this?

  318. man, am I a dummy
    I had so much trouble getting that open that I only glanced at it and thought it wasn’t parody

    unless it really isn’t…

  319. If anyone would like to know the background on that, just ask.

  320. Lemon party on Saturday?? Count me in!!

  321. consider me asking.

  322. Who did this?

    This was a real calendar set up by the Olympia Peace and Justice group for their members to use to schedule sit-ins and open forum discussion groups and other bullshit like that.

    Unfortunately for them, they left it wide open to anyone who wanted to put something on the schedule.

    Anyone. Even if you were not a part of the Olympia Peace and Justice Community. And then someone linked it at Ace’s.

    And all hell broke loose. For weeks. We would put stuff on it and they would delete it and we would put more stuff on it and it just kept going on and on. I remember laughing so hard and having so much fun fucking with these idiots.

  323. Hooray!!

  324. “If you have questions not answered by help, please contact Jeffrey.”

    Poor Jeffrey.

    They finally gave up and pulled it.

  325. That would make an excelent poster for my laboratory.

  326. “Ceiling cat is watching you masturbate.”
    Some memes never get old.

  327. That would make an excelent poster for my laboratory.

    It’s a fucking riot. I have like 4 versions of it. I kept saving them because they kept clearing the board, and it would start all over again.

    What was so funny was that it took them maybe 2 months before they finally thought “Hey, maybe we should password protect this thing…”

    D’uh

  328. Back to the ME superintendent, though – what the kid reported was assault (at a minimum), and teachers/staff mocked the kid, too.

    Makes you wonder what they would do to him had he belittled someone else wearing an obama hat.

  329. My Flash Shockwave crashes every four seconds, then reloads. I’ve got Windows 7. Any advice on how to safely uninstall / reinstall Flash?

  330. Thanks Wiserbud. 😘 Didn’t Mesa add the Rachel Corrie Pancake Breakfast to the calendar?

  331. Lucky 13 Casino and Funeral Parlor

    Come spend your inheritance on the slots and roulette.

  332. so I’m going through the list of people for whom tomorrow is their birthday.

    *cough*

  333. Oso, that may have been the first thing posted there.

  334. We’re about 400 comments in yet and no one has said, “She seems nice boobs.” So just let me say, Some of these ladies seem nice boobs and some of them would be better off never being allowed to be on top.

    I blame Mare. And the traditional http://tinyurl.com/b9e5hwj

  335. Roll over and give Chance a piece. Thanks, Chance.

    Hahahahahahahaha. Good Lord, I needed that.

  336. My Flash Shockwave crashes every four seconds, then reloads. I’ve got Windows 7. Any advice on how to safely uninstall / reinstall Flash?

    Set your computer on fire and then go buy one made sometime after 1999.

  337. *Sends Paul a 1 foot Bush*

    Tie this to your head and stand on one leg.
    Spell William Bingo Gates is a Big Fat Nerdface seventeen times backwards.

    70% of the time that worx everytime.

  338. There is always something about losing someone you know, even in passing, that makes it seem like the world just got a tiny bit smaller and measurably bit worse.

  339. Heh. Rachel Corrie was there. Good times.

  340. Arbeit Macht Frei Crematorium – Ve Velcome People of Different Cultures

  341. >>>*cough*

    That sounds like a nasty cough. Sure hope you make it to your birthday.

    Pupster Von Dickenballs

  342. Der Polish Bikerack Memorial Garten.

  343. What Chumpo said.

  344. Wiser, thank you for not linking the pic of Kerry Marie in a pirate outfit. I still have nightmares about that one.

  345. I’m constantly drawn back to the Erica Campbell pics for some reason. I guess they make me think of…Rosetta. Yeah, that’s it.

  346. I wish you could ‘like’ comments here. I would end up with a carpal tunnel event but it would be worth it. You all are some funny mofos. :)

  347. I wish you could ‘like’ comments here. I would end up with a carpal tunnel event but it would be worth it. You all are some funny mofos. :)

    haha I’d said that the other day while I was here…….I NEED to be able to “like” some of these comments

  348. I did a little research on young Ms. Campbell. Evidently there are two famous Erica Campbells and the other one is a black gospel singer. If you filter your search by including the word “nude” it kinda weeds out the gospel singer one. Go figure.

  349. Jade Imperial Palace Memorial Garden Chinese Restaurant and Mortuary

  350. This was a real calendar set up by the Olympia Peace and Justice group for their members to use to schedule sit-ins and open forum discussion groups and other bullshit like that.

    Unfortunately for them, they left it wide open to anyone who wanted to put something on the schedule.

    OMG!! That was THE most fun I’d had in a long time. I did something like the “gnatcatcher” car wash

  351. Last I heard Campbell went full Fundo Christian.
    The Sunday Carwash Fundrasier went immediatly into a IPO

  352. Seanm that’s probably a real joint where you live.

  353. dangit, I don’t see mine in the calendar…I haz a sad

  354. Mesa used to find a lot of stuff and link it at the HQ and H1. Every time Dave at Garfield Ridge would say “It’s old.” at the HQ, I would laugh.

  355. That would make an interesting portfolio ifn you were trying to get accepted to Theological school.

  356. If you filter your search by including the word “nude” it kinda weeds out the gospel singer one. Go figure.

    Is nude gospel a thing? It has to be a thing. Someone, somewhere, can only get off if someone is singing about the Lord while nude.

  357. if I remember correctly DiT had some kind of calendar with all the female cycles on it :\

  358. It’s not the same level as wiserdaughter, but Mini-me saved some chocolate from her lunch and offered it to me on the drive home.

  359. “Set your computer on fire and then go buy one made sometime after 1999.”

    No, just replace the hamsters inside the hard drive.

  360. I’d like to add Caitlyn Jenner’s “womens’ days” to the Olympia Peace Calendar.

  361. Roamy, if she’s like my daughter she licked it first.

  362. Wasn’t that right around the time of the Peace Blimp?

  363. I’d like to add Caitlyn Jenner’s “womens’ days” to the Olympia Peace Calendar.

    They stopped needing a Peace Calendar after Barack Obama became president. Peace just kinda happens all the time now.

  364. I think Peace Blimp was one of Cat Stevens’s/Yusuf Islam’s big hits.

  365. Alice, nope, she had to unwrap it for me. York peppermint patty.

  366. XB, I think so. That was hilarious too

  367. “Peace just kinda happens all the time now.”
    You’ll be delighted by all the peace and serenity at the DNC convention this July.

  368. It has been so nice having such a scandal free 8 years.

  369. This Calendar was brought to you by Kellogg’s Frosted Smegma…

  370. This blog brought to you by America’s most powerful woman athlete

  371. W-s/heaties

  372. headed to the baseball game and YOU Should be Here came on and I was hit with such a profound sadness that our sweet friend is gone. I don’t know how this is possible

  373. http://is.gd/myu15o

  374. Evening Hostages. Everyone still playing nice or has there been insults and crying and hurt feelings?

  375. If there aren’t hurt feelings, you aren’t doing it right.

  376. Squishy hugs, Sohita. I love you my FIF.

  377. Pups…jajaja

  378. http://is.gd/Gb53gh

  379. If there aren’t hurt feelings, you aren’t doing it right.

    There is much truth in this. You people should listen to this man.

  380. Pups, OMG! I thought the lionesseseses hunted for the Mane Guy?

  381. If there aren’t hurt feelings, you aren’t doing it right.

    There is much truth in this. You people should listen to this man.

    Fuck you. He’s dead and even your mom thinks you’re an asshole.

  382. ….even your mom thinks you’re an asshole.

    This isn’t news.

  383. Still bears repeating.

  384. For Sean: http://s22.postimg.org/nagyfwxbl/image1_5.jpg

  385. It’s true. I’m dead, but I’m also an asshole.

  386. Pups, OMG! I thought the lionesseseses hunted for the Mane Guy?

    Yeah, well, you can’t expect a man to wait for dinner forever when he’s hungry, can you?

    HMMMM?

  387. Thanks Wiser
    I have laughed so hard this week at Rosies humor and been simultaneously so sad. It is good.

  388. OT: Have you guys noticed an influx of big chicks lately? Not fat. Not thin. Just thick, shapely chicks?

  389. Ohhhh, let’s be mean. Can we? CAN WE?

    George invested in California real estate.

    I heard he’s also the genius behind the steering wheel desk.

  390. I heard Pupster likes salt.

  391. I noticed an influx of your mom.

  392. Pupster, I totes don’t get it! The XX provides food?

  393. If you’re going to make Rosetta’s avatar the permanent banner here, which is fine, may I suggest you p-chop the ice cube’s in Dean’s glass and replace the cubes with PJ’s eyeball.

  394. “George invested in California real estate.
    I heard he’s also the genius behind the steering wheel desk.”

    I only wish I were the savant who devised that cunning appliance. I have three.

    Plus, I live in in an earthquake zone. I’m waiting for the rest of North America to slide into the sea.

  395. My bday is tomorrow too. I used to be on the calendar….not sure which one though. It’s my big FIVE-0. I’m starting to celebrate my bday now and Rosie’s life with a Dos Equis!

    Also, I’ll like to be added to the email list so I don’t ever lose touch again. 🐰

    Go On With Your Own Life And Leave Me Alone Funeral Home

  396. FYI I am officially Associate of the Year and I’m going to Shareholders. WalMart/Sam’s is pretty awesome.

  397. The #1 song the day you were born was Heartbreak Hotel.
    fyi…

  398. Just for Pupster:
    http://is.gd/pa5DJH

  399. For b-cock:http://is.gd/8QtTTK

  400. FYI I am officially Associate of the Year and I’m going to Shareholders.

    Despite your best efforts.

  401. Seems appropriate Bart

    What I meant by who’s Erica was…..she was a Hostage? What was her user name?

    Come Get Your Virgins Mortuary

  402. Pin The Tail On The Corpse Funeral Home

  403. FYI2X: Don’t yell “Fuck” at the top of your lungs, when the 2nd Inning Reds/Cards update comes across your phone. Scares your wiener.

  404. Your mom is so fat she has her home port listed on her tramp stamp.

  405. Your mom is so fat she left the house with high heels and came back with flats.

  406. Way to go oso!!!

  407. >>>For Bart: http://postimg.org/image/oqruyi7d7/

    Yikes! It’s the stuff nightmares are made of.
    Nice work.

  408. Congrats?? Oso. :)

  409. Your mom is such a whore that she just needs one more stamp on her card to get a free prescription of penicillin.

  410. Way to go Oslo!

  411. Your mom is so fat that Rosetta used her for BBF.

  412. Your mom is so fat gravy came out when she got her nipples pierced

  413. Your mom is such a whore her penicillin caught an infection.

  414. I’m real eggcited about visiting the HQ of both Sam’s and WalMart. I’ve never been in Arkansas without torrential storms.

  415. Your mom is so fat that Rosetta wouldn’t use her for BBF.

  416. Bcoch with the Win!!!

  417. Fack. Sean with the perfect comeback.

  418. http://is.gd/YAAY_OSO

  419. We need a Dozens Judge. Someone with ghetto experience.

  420. Perfect Gif Pups. Back atcha!

  421. Your mom is so fat that she poured Chris Christie into a bag.

  422. Your mom is so fat that Bill Clinton said no thanks.

  423. Your mom is such a whore that she doesn’t catch the clap anymore–she catches a standing ovation.

  424. Your mom is such a whore that Kim Kardashian judges her.

  425. Evening, Rachel Jenteals.

  426. Late to the party here.
    1. Great job, Richard
    2. This will go down as the greatest poat in Hostage’s history for this date.
    3. Fat chicks need love too.

  427. Your mom is so easy, the Dutch banned her from the red light district of Amsterdam.

  428. I remember my first 1 foot muff…

    She was a janators assistant. It turns out there is myriad way to get the bubkegum off the seat.

  429. Your mom is such a whore that tour groups frequently mistake her for Mammoth Cave.

  430. “bubkegum”
    Priceless.

  431. Your mom is so depraved that she horrified Washingtonienne.

  432. I associate Canada being America’s Hat, to Rosie. Moron on FB, just linked the US as Canada’s shorts. I love you guys. Not even drunk!

  433. Your mom is so easy, the German’s nicknamed her “Belgium”.

  434. Germans.

  435. Did any of our friends go to the funeral?

  436. Your mom is so nasty that even the Thai ladyboys won’t go near her.

  437. Your mom is so nasty that she had to have labiaplasty to get back to having beef curtains.

  438. Your mom is such a freak that Japanese men are grossed out.

  439. Your mom is so skanky, Mare was like…”really?”

  440. Your mom’s so fat, her twerking shows up on the Richter scale.

  441. HS, pretty sure they did. No comments or posts yet.

  442. Your mom is so fat she twerks with her stomach.

  443. Congratulations, Osita!

  444. My 💔 was from Beasn’s update last night.

  445. Your mom is so easy, the Navy named a new destroyer after her.

  446. This blog brought to you by America’s most powerful woman athlete

    How prescient – Jenner looks so conflicted in that rendering. His vaj envy is palpable.

  447. WalMart/Sam’s is weird. They recognize associates at the Shareholder concerts, not Execs.

  448. Your mom is so fat she got asked to take off the Michelin Man costume before they’d let her into a nudist colony.

  449. Your mom is so messed up, Sean had to add 2 more steps to her program.

  450. Your mom is so fat that every pair of underwear is a thong.

  451. What Osita is talking about: http://tinyurl.com/jkum6uu

  452. Beanses, Phat, Cyn, Dave and Russ were there I think Hotspur.

  453. Your mom is so fat, she gives herself free cheese.

  454. Congrats, oso! I hope you get a visit from the Bentonville Beauties bearing kilos of Wally-caine in honor of your honor. :-)

  455. WalMart/Sam’s is weird. They recognize associates at the Shareholder concerts, not Execs.

    Right before they sacrifice them to Discountaxotl, Aztec god of cheap merchandise.

  456. Your mom is so fat, she’s one job even illegals won’t do.

  457. Your mom is so fat she changed her relationship status to “Fudge.”

  458. Sean wins.

  459. Your mom’s Haggis tastes like Hakarl

  460. Your mom is so fat, Alex had to swipe right twice.

  461. Your mom is so fat, she uses a boomerang to put on her belt.

  462. Roamy, that link is BS! I’m going to kick Dudley’s ass!

  463. CoAl, I will be in the heart of blanco basura. I’m eggcited.

  464. WB set us up with a classic H2 thread. We resort to paste and window licking. I love you guys. STILL SOBER!

  465. Your mom is so fat, she got an endorsement deal from Hometown Buffet.

  466. Why the fuck are you still sober?

  467. Your mom’s garden has snails

  468. Your mom is so fat, Michelin sued her for copyright infringement.

  469. Your mom

  470. I thought it was hilarious. Reminded me of the time that I drove to FL with another NASA engineer. She said, let’s leave after work, drive to my sister’s and stay there, then drive the rest of the way the next day. She neglected to tell me her sister and BIL smoked, owned cats and dogs (including a drooly St. Bernard), and BIL wore ragged, badly done cutoffs. I really tried to avoid looking at him, I was afraid there would be one eye looking back.

  471. Your mom is so easy, her letters to Penthouse Forum are filed under nonfiction.

  472. “afraid”

  473. Your mom is so hairy, her nipples have afros.

  474. Your mom could solve the energy crisis by eating at Taco Bell.

  475. Your mom is so fat she can’t go swimming in the ocean without someone claiming her for Spain.

  476. Your mom is so ugly she could be a modern art masterpiece.

  477. Bcoch, still sober because of Time Zone.

  478. Dan had to leave work to take care of MiL. I go to get soda, out of Zero syrup. I had to drink Diet DP…ALL DAY.

  479. Moron moment. I H8 puns AND Haiku. HTF did I end up lurking you guys?

  480. You love us.

  481. Your mom so fat the waitress hands her FUPA a menu too

  482. Your mom is so easy she takes Astroglide through TSA checkpoints.

  483. I had to drink Diet DP…ALL DAY.

    Oh, you poor dear!

  484. Your mom’s Sea Monster
    Atomc Experiment
    Tokyo is destroyed

  485. Dan decided to carmelize the onions for our Yuengling brats. On a scale of 1-5, how ghey is that?

  486. Chumpo denied! I watched you freaks eat raw fish.

  487. yo momma is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices

  488. Your mom’s so fat that Patrick Stewart once tried to stab her with a harpoon.

  489. Your mom is so fat she needs two Amigos when she’s at Sam’s Club.

  490. Pup had a hibatchi undr the table.

    I think it was a hibatchi

  491. “On a scale of 1-5, how ghey is that?”
    Perez Hilton.

  492. Your mom is so fat her blood type is Nutella.

  493. Your mom jokes are old, overused, and cheap. Just like your mom.

  494. Pup cooks meat in lap
    Bought it cheep from a Sky Mall
    It’s a Crobatchi

  495. Your mom so fat when she sat on her iPhone she made it an iPad

  496. Your mom is such a whore, her little black book looks like the NYC phone book.

  497. I think it was a hibatchi

    Hot ass pennies.

  498. So Paula and the younger boy are at Florida Disney and loving it. She flew for the first time EVER on her 36th birthday which was on Thursday. Today was Animal Kingdom and tonight they’re watching fireworks and a parade. She’s got the whole thing planned out…been talking to friends and researching it since January. I’m watching the dogs and the older boy who tends to drive her crazy on trips.

  499. Your mom is so skeevy when she chews tobacco, she swallows

  500. Ask your mom who gave her the 25 cents.

  501. * invents steering wheel hibachi *

  502. Jimbro, WDW is awesome.!

  503. Jimbro, wish I’d known. My brother works at Disney, gets passes to cool stuff, backstage tours, etc.

  504. BTW carmelized onions on beer brats are awesome.

  505. Everyone knows that

  506. yo momma is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices

    HAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice job Apu. Tonto mom so loose, name papoose “dribbles-in from neck”.

  507. Your mom is so fat her bathroom scale was made by Richter.

  508. Your mom is so fat her scale says “to be continued”.

  509. Scott, I didn’t know that. I love raw onions.

  510. Your momma so fat state troopers pull her over for not pulling into highway weigh stations.

  511. Your mom is so hideous, her mirror wishes it belonged to Dracula

  512. From the sounds of it, they’ll be back! Our little guy is always up for travel. Doesn’t matter where. He’s been asking about Disney for years. Hell, he campaigned for a dog soon after they moved in with me and now we have two. He’s a really good kid. The older boy’s developmental problems make him a challenge to deal with but deep down he’s a good kid too.

  513. Your mom is such a whore, your grandparents used to put her negative test results up on the fridge.

  514. “I never knew how sweet life could be until I got my Steeringwheel Habatchi from GoePhastGuy!!!!
    Whether Im burning your Mom’s Haggis Bag, Parallel Parking, or running over Tushard, all my freezing crotch ballcicles are a thing of the past!!

    Donkey Shane, GoePhastGuy!!!

  515. Your mom is so hideous, when she looks at a stopped clock, it starts running

  516. Your mom is just a whore, the only thing she hasn’t gone down on is the Titanic.

  517. Your mom is so ugly, pictures of her hang themselves.

  518. Okay, I’m tired when “such” comes out “just”. Spellchecker is off, I’m cold sober, no excuses.

  519. The Titanic’s parking space was your mom.

  520. Your mom is so hideous, when they sold her a selfie stick it was 60 feet long

  521. She probably spent a lot of time on Mare Island.

  522. Your mom is so fat Xbrad ran away crying.

  523. What ‘Mita?! Your fingers are mumbling. Dont fire the gun when you speak!!!

    It’s only Friday night. Saturdays are for fighting.

    Let’s go!!

  524. Your mom is so hideous, when she watches TV, it watches back in disbelief

  525. When your mom sits around the house she sits AROUND the house.

  526. VMAx, you Dawg!!!

  527. Your mom is so easy that even the non-tranny hooks had to drop their prices during TITS2.

  528. Your mom is so ugly, they take her around burn wards to cheer up the patients.

  529. Your mom is so ugly, she had to tie a porkchop around her neck to get the dog to play wit her

  530. Your mom is such a whore, she says pole dancing was her favorite thing about Krackow.

  531. >>>Ask your mom who gave her the 25 cents.

    They all did

  532. What non-tranny Hooks?!’nbsb

    Have I been ripped off one more time?!!
    Sean M told me they were tiny bearded impersonators of The Supremes.

    No wonder I got the HotSpurs.

  533. OT I was singing. I have a good voice. Incapable of singing in front of people. Sang Tomorrow and Smile for Rosey.

  534. The Hotspurs would be an awesome backup group!

  535. Lead singer would be a vintage calendar/plane chick

  536. Your mom is so ugly, when she looks through a telescope, the universe recedes a little faster.

  537. Needless to say, the Hotspurs would perform cover songs exclusively.

  538. G’night. Long day and Dan is needy.

  539. GO, of course. We have AWESOME choreography too.

  540. My greatest disappointment today was no one, not even Hotspur mentioned “Hootspur”

    That made me laugh when I typed it.

  541. The Hotspurs sounds like an anal inflammatory condition from eating too many hot wings at 25¢ wing night

  542. Perhaps the hotspurs are a foot affliction caused by treading through beds of thorny capsicum plants.

  543. The Hootspurs are a Dutch cover band doing the original Hotspurs material.

  544. My greatest disappointment today was no one, not even Hotspur mentioned “Hootspur”

    Huh. And mine was that I didn’t wake up next to Eve Myles whispering to me in that sexy welsh accent before I got up and went off to a job where people just give me money because I’m me.

    It’s the differences that make this country great.

  545. Philistines!!! If we learned nothing else, we need The Hotspurs! My whole life, I wanted Pips. Oso/Roamy and the Hotspurs!

  546. Hotspurs is what it took to get your mom to bark like a dog.

    I don’t even know what that means.

  547. “It’s the differences that make this country great.”
    😂😂😂

  548. I can’t sing in public. Roamy is a lyricist. We are fated to have a fallout that breaks up the group. Cutting out the fallout.

  549. Your mom is so skeevy, she barks like a dog… even when she isn’t wearing her “leash.”

  550. Oso, there’s no point in forming a band unless you plan to trash several rooms in a four star hotel.

  551. I will trash a room!

  552. While I cough up a lung! TITS2

  553. Rosetta,

    Finally, my work week is over. And I have managed to get hold of some scotch, and I can speak freely with you.

    Fuck you. You had no right to do this to your beautiful wife and two kids. You had no right to go away like that. Sure, you were sick of your fake internet friends, and you didn’t care enough about them, and you could discard us anytime. We would miss you, and you wouldn’t care. That is fine, we would accept that. But still, I would give anything to spent one more drunken weekend in your company, smooching your bald noggin, and making up stories about how in my culture, it is considered lucky to kiss the forehead of a bald man-lesbian. Why? Why? Why did you go away? The party had just started. I hate you, Rosetta, I hate you.

  554. The lead singer of the Hotspurs has a solo album out.

  555. BiW,
    Damned glad to see you!
    Thanks for stopping by.
    Yes, when Art is up here, we will have a drink, or two.
    It’s a shame that when Mare is here, she never writes, never calls.
    Snotty bitch! 8)

  556. “I didn’t wake up next to Eve Myles whispering to me in that sexy welsh accent before I got up and went off to a job where people just give me money because I’m me.”

    Sorry, I kept her in bed longer than expected.

  557. George, nice to see you here. How are the maggots treating you?

  558. Does Mare even exist? I think she is imaginary.

  559. Tush, much love. I’m trying to keep the anger at bay, while focusing on the good times. See DiT.

  560. They made a meal outta me, Tush.

    Been distracted elsewhere but Jimbro contacted me with the awful news. Just wrong and sad and tragic all around.

  561. Mare exists, but she is always a product of the square root of one.

  562. Sorry, I kept her in bed longer than expected.

    Story of my life…other guys, time to wash her hair, restraining orders…

  563. Oso, I don’t know if you have ever met Rosie. I met him a few times. I have never met a person who floored me like that. He had the innocence of a child, and the heart of a lion. God makes a few people like him, just to torture the rest of us. The people we hate, they cannot hurt us. It is the people we love who have the capacity to hurt us. Rosetta has hurt me deeply.

  564. Someone with linkfu add Life of Brian’s Bright Side of Life. We’re drowning in drama here.

  565. >>Mare exists, but she is always a product of the square root of one.

    Surely you mean the square root of minus one. she is imaginary after all.

  566. It’s so nice to see AliceH, SoHot, aprilwine, Morganholder, “Lou”, Bart, Russ, Will and the others that have wandered off to FaceFuck,(Cuffy!), back here. Hi, PeeJ! Where’s Catman?
    I’m just really sorry that it took Lances death to bring us all back together.
    What a motley Crewe this is.
    Rosetta would love that you all got back together, as do I.
    May GOD bless you and keep you…

  567. Surely “i” do, Tush.
    Guess I need to proofread my math jokes. 😬

  568. I wasn’t lucky enough to have met him. My life is diminished for not knowing him. I can’t deal with the anger. The loss. The tears. I can’t! I am about loving. Acknowledging. Moving on. This isn’t a debate I can be part of.

  569. Oso, there is a photo of me, Rosie and Dave from a CT meetup.
    A few other of me and Rosie annoying his lovely wife with our off key and loud singing.
    I am looking at those and getting sadder and sadder.

  570. One of the all-time great posts was the “I am an out and proud lesbian” post.

  571. Just re-read “I am an out and proud racist.” Most excellent legacy.

  572. >>>>I am looking at those and getting sadder and sadder.

    Then you should stop.

    Just a suggestion

  573. Mare exists because SOMEONE divided by zero

  574. >>>>Just re-read “I am an out and proud racist.” Most excellent legacy.

  575. Your mom is so ugly, when she walks into the kitchen, the mice jump on the table.

  576. “Mare exists because SOMEONE divided by zero”

    MOM, SOMEONE BROKE THE NUMBER THEORY AXIOMS AGAIN!

  577. Your mom is so hideous, she reboots security cameras if merely she walks past.

  578. Wiser, that video is AWESOME.
    *wipes tear*
    Never met you, but will miss you, Lance. You magnificent bastard.

  579. Your mom is so easy, sailors call her bedroom “dry dock.”

  580. Tush,

    There is a line in a book that has helped to save my life which gives me comfort in times like these, where I can’t see the sense of a thing. It says, “…out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does ‘move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.'”

    What that tells me is that everything happens for a reason, and though we may not be able to see that reason right now, maybe we’re supposed to learn something eventually. Or maybe we’re not supposed to have someone or something in our lives anymore because something needs to happen.

    I know that this has given me the firm determination to be kinder to the people in my life and to tell them that I am always there for them. I know that this has led me to talk to people who are hurting or struggling, to tell them that it’s okay to reach out so that they don’t have to suffer alone. Maybe these are things that we all needed a reminder to do, or to do more often. I don’t know. But I do know that I want to take this horrible, awful, shitty fucking tragedy and try to see that something, however small, but something good comes out of it.

    /$0.02

  581. Well said, Sean. I knew there was a reason I needed to visit here more often, even when it’s draped with black crepe. Thanks again, Jimbro, for the reminder to stop by.

  582. Congratulations, Oso!

    Happy birthday, aprilwine :-)

  583. Hi Tiff,
    Happy Birthday April. The big 5 oh is no big deal, don’t let it be a thing. How is Diesel?

    Gabe passed on Christmas eve. Zeke is not liking being an only dog. I am looking to adopt another for him, perhaps a Great Pyrenees.

  584. However Car in’s Newfie is making me look at them as well

  585. Oh, that is very sad, vmax. Funny you mentioned a Great Pyrenees. Saw one today in traffic, sitting in the passenger seat of a pickup, barking out the window at who knows what!

  586. Friend of mine had a Great Pyrenees, a female named Delphine. Sweet as sugar, she was.

  587. HI Teresa, thank you so much! 😘

  588. Thank you Vmax. Diesel is good, well as good as he gets. I can’t remember if I’ve commented here that he has seizures. Luckily he hasn’t had one in a year. He usually has 1 or two a year. Omg they are horrific! To see a 100 lb dog convulse like that and look like he’s demon possessed is one of the scariest things I’ve witnessed. Since he started having them about 4 years ago, he’s become a very anxious. I love him to pieces though.

    So I heard you fixed your life!! Way to go!! Can you fix mine?

  589. I didn’t do much April except get a job in Texas and move there. I know you are on the west coast but while the low oil prices are hurting the Texas economy some, it is still booming. I hate to say this as a new Houstonian, we are slumping somewhat but the Dallas Fort Worth area is crushing us, this year. Wait till next year we will beat you like the $2.00 whore …. oops I got carries away. Sorry

  590. Happy Birthday, AprilWine.

    Happy Birthday, Pupster (**scritches**)

    VMan, you’re a good man for loving Gabe and giving him such a good home at the end of his days.

    April, give Diesel some scritches and a hug for me.

  591. Another Houston? My son and daughter in law moved to Spring last October.

    Thank you B-rad😘

  592. VMan, we have a Pyrenees mix – highly recommend them. They will bark at anything, though!

  593. When you’re near, there’s such an air of spring about it,
    I can hear a derp somewhere, begin to sing about it,
    There’s no love song finer, but how strange the change from major to
    minor,
    Everytime we say goodbye.

  594. I really like what Sean said at 12:18, especially “But I do know that I want to take this horrible, awful, shitty fucking tragedy and try to see that something, however small, but something good comes out of it.” I did remember to ask my friend going through chemo if she needed a ride BEFORE the appointment instead of whoops, I forgot again, that afternoon. (8 friends/family with cancer right now, WTF is up with that?)

    For me, Mr. RFH reminded me of a long-ago homily about the wedding at Cana. Mary didn’t tell Jesus what to do, she told Him what the problem was and then told the servants, “Do whatever He tells you.” I need to say, here’s my problem, You handle it, and listen for what He’s trying to tell me to do. But that’s easier said than done for a control freak like me.

  595. Baby day. She got up at 530 and I got her back to sleep at 650.

    Someday she’ll be too big for the swing, but not today.

  596. Dogs got me up at 0500. They do not know what a weekend is. They’ve been out twice, had breakfast and are napping. Their stupid human is looking for coffee.

  597. Awake again.

    “Sleep is for the weak” she said.

  598. However Car in’s Newfie is making me look at them as well

    Moose is the bestest. No pressure though. He is so freakin sweet. 31 pounds already.

  599. BOTH dogs underneath the computer table/on my feet. squeee

  600. Star is off in the kitchen in her lair under my houseplants. Rowan is on the window ledge behind me and poking his head beside the curtain to lick my ear every so often. They like to cuddle with Paula but she’s away and I’m just good for back scratches and ear rubs. And pig ears. Must not forget the pig ears.

  601. We quit doing pig ears, too many crumbs. Beef lung is great, though.

  602. VEt told me to get something called “white bone” at TSS. I got those yesterday.

  603. My dogs leave no part of the pig ear behind. First floor is wood and tile, carpets are upstairs. Last time I was at TSS I got a big bag of pig ears and took a fling on the beef lung. Haven’t opened it yet. I buy beef shin bones at the grocery once in a while and let them have them outside in the shit pen. They’re too greasy for indoors.

  604. Bubba gets raw marrow bones, after we scrape 99% of the marrow out. He’ll work on one for a couple of hours.

  605. Today I’ll make some chili. Last weekend when I went to make beans I discovered the package I thought was salt pork was actually ground buffalo. I used bacon instead. This will be chili with buffalo meat, the rest of the bacon and some chorizo I stumbled across in the freezer. Black beans, onion, garlic and canned tomatoes for the non meat ingredients.

  606. What do you do w the marrow?

    I want to start making dishes with marrow.

  607. Laura does “cooking stuff” with it.

  608. I was wondering that too

  609. I know we have bags of rendered beef fat, whatever the hell that is.

  610. I’ve made bone broth before with shin bones. Big stock pot full of water, shin bones and a little vinegar. Low boil for a long time then cool it to let the hard fat rise to the surface for skimming off. The remaining broth is full of collagen and really tasty.

  611. I bet the rendered beef fat is the stuff I skim off the top and toss in the garbage.

  612. I used some to sear steaks.on a cast iron skillet.

  613. Tits up Toes in: Crematorium and Day
    Spa –

    i’ve been given a honey do list… wtf

  614. “I have a good voice. Incapable of singing in front of people.

    I also suffer the same fear, and I do have a good voice. Let’s do a duet!

  615. i’ve been given a honey do list… wtf

    You could hand back your own honey-do list:

    1. Beej
    2. Steak dinner
    3. Beej
    4. Grab-ass
    5. Exercise of marital privileges
    6. …..

  616. I know we have bags of rendered beef fat, whatever the hell that is.

    It’s tallow, the beefy equivalent of lard. That + salt was the basis of the original food called “margarine”.

  617. I’m thawing out my last 3 chickens for soup this week.

  618. I’m strongly considering frying up a coue of eggs.

  619. Good morning people.

    Happy birthday Pupster!!🎉🎂🍾

    I’m going to a bridal shower today. Friends coming over tonight to celebrate my bday. Going to the Long Beach Grand Prix tomorrow if I don’t have too much of a hangover, then family coming over tomorrow night to celebrate my bday. Wtf am I doing up so early?

  620. Oh yeah I forgot….

    Wake Me Up Before You Go Go Funeral Home

  621. I started giving Diesel beef lung but I think it’s upsetting his stomach.

    Bring Me An Iron Lung Mortuary

  622. […] RIP, Lance.  I will always love you and miss you, my brother. […]


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS