Flight Club

I fly a lot.  Maybe not Phat a lot, but easily a couple of times a month for the last 5 years.  There are things I like about business travel, seeing new things, trying new restaurants and meeting new people, but most of the time the obliviousness of my fellow travelers ruins the experience.

I had a short flight from Phoenix to Las Vegas on Southwest Airlines last week that was one of the worst I’ve experienced because of the guy who sat next to me.  On Southwest you can’t reserve your seat, but if you check in early or pay extra you can be in the first boarding group and get an aisle or window if you want.  The flight was sold out, this guy was one of the last on the plane, and had to sit in a middle seat.

I’m not particularly friendly, but I always greet my seatmates on a plane and smile at them to show I’m not a (complete) maniac.  This guy ignored my greeting and plopped down hard on top of the seat belt, spread his knees wide into my space, messed around with his backpack rearranging the contents to get it to fit under the seat (throwing elbows the whole time), and then rocked side to side trying to get his seatbelt out from under him, bumping shoulders with me and the aisle seat dude.  Once he got settled, rather than try and make himself smaller, he squared his shoulders against his seatback and moved his elbows out on the armrests, making claim to as much space as possible.  Not so much as an “excuse me” or “sorry” or “by your leave” was uttered.

Now, I have personal space issues.  This guy was manspreading against my legs and arms, and if I moved towards the window to get away he would expand into this new space even further to the point where I wondered if he was actually a human at all, possibly an elasticised minion from Hell sent to test my ability to resist the overwhelming urge to strangle him with his own headphone cord.

Once it was obvious he was not going to try and stay within the middle seat boundries, I began to lean into him a little bit just to show I wasn’t going to huddle up against the window.  This did not give me any more room, but seemed to wear him out to the point where he wanted a nap.  As soon as we were at altitude he lowered his drink tray and put his head down.  Now, this relieved the bad touch on the arms and shoulders for which I was grateful, but his leg was still up against mine, and as he started to nod off, he began to slide his head to the left , leaning over against my torso and threatening my lap with his big stupid head.  I made eye contact with the guy in the aisle seat who was gazing on in wide-eyed horror at my situation.  That was when the smell hit.

Spready McNaperson was floating air-biscuits.  Eye-watering, gag-inducing silent but deadly noxious fumes were emanating from the heart of hell, stabbing at my senses.  I coughed.  I coughed again.  I said, “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME” loud enough to rouse my demon seatmate from his slumber.  Again, he didn’t utter a word.  By this time everybody within smelling range was having a bad flight.  Farty McSpreaderson started to drift off again, but this time I was ready for his antics and lowered my seat tray halfway down and jammed it into his shoulder.

IMG_0155

He seemed to appreciate the support and fell back asleep.  He tooted again so I made it my mission for the next hour to talk loud, push up against him, cough, and basically do everything I could to stop him from getting to sleep again.  Not my best flight.

TL;DR Stay inside the invisible lines of your airplane seat and don’t fucking touch me you worthless smelly piece of flying garbage.  Die in a fire screaming,  I hate you.

 

282 Comments

  1. I have not had to fly since 2007. I need to fly this year to attend a conference required for continued membership in a professional society I belong to. This story has only heightened my already high level of anxiety.

  2. *#wheresthegifs

  3. Pups, I’ve had similar experiences. A-holes, first rate A-holes.

    And what’s the deal with his ears?

  4. Troy, I briefly considered a job working for Saudi Aramco when I had dinner with a Saudi guy and his wife in Vancouver at a conference in ’98. He was a pleasant guy but spoke in disparaging terms about the people he had to care for. By the end of the evening I knew it was not for me. After 9/11 I read The Looming Tower and another one about the siege of Mecca and was made aware of how fucked up things were over there. Pretty sure I made the right decision.

  5. Shoppie shoppie

  6. Re troy’s q from previous poat:

    I’ve not experienced Muslim culture other than very superficially. I was at six flags about 7-8 years ago and saw some muzzie families. It was about 95 and 70% humidity. Husband and kids are in western casual clothes. Wife is wrapped from head to toe in a blanket showing nothing but hands and face. I remember thinking that it must stink like a pig pen under there.

  7. TT:

    We all agree with you. No one is advocating that it’s a good idea to bring anyone to the US. And specifically ME culture sucks which is obviously rooted in their crappy pederast religion.

    I think we only disagree on the importance of the issue and whether or not those previously goat fucking weirdos can be assimilated.

    I believe they can because ‘Merica is awesome. I trust us, not them.

    It’s possibly naive, but then again, at some point it will all come to a head and we’re going to have to wipe out their culture anyway.

  8. I don’t think they’ll assimilate, and I don’t think we should be importing them. I was just pointing out that they wont be able to take over our culture like they will in Europe.

  9. If at some point we’ll have to go Curtis LeMay on their ass or accept extinction ourselves it would appear that the fewer of them we have to deal with, the better. Europeans are learning that lesson right now.

  10. I meant to say “the fewe we have to deal with internally, the better. “

  11. Puppy, I see red.

    We need an H2 charter. Im working on it.

  12. Spready McNaperson was floating air-biscuits.

    Hey man, it’s not my fault that I’m lactose-intolerant!

  13. The only time I fart on a plane is when I’m sitting with my wife. She’s built up an immunity.

  14. http://is.gd/L_to_R_MJ__Chandelier

  15. Carin’s daughter’s soccer coach must’ve been coaching starts that week. Somebody needs their ass kicked for not getting a natural sprinter like that in some blocks.

  16. I love cheese

  17. *removes sock, throws to the ground, stomps on it, lights it on fire

  18. http://is.gd/_ohai_Cyn

  19. I did – let’s do this!

  20. Afternoon…

  21. Wow, kinda lifeless in here today.

    Sorry about the serious poat and lack of gifs.

  22. Woman struck by lightning speaks http://is.gd/6Raa6z

  23. WHARRGARBL

  24. Our last two trips with Southwest have been turrble. Just turrble. Next time we fly, we’ll pay for luggage and assigned seats. Pups story reminds me of Jewstin’s first day at the piggeh farm. I LOL’d at that one, too.

  25. I last flew in ’03. Still had troops in the airports at that time. I’d been dreading the flight, nothing to do with 9/11, but because the air travel experience had been progressively sucking worse and worse for years even before that point.

    If I can’t drive there now, I don’t go. It isn’t worth it.

  26. I’ve always been a nervous flyer. Last time at LAX will be my last time at LAX. They were testing a random scan at random gates. Letting non-ticketed passengers into the gate areas. (Unless I’m flying to Hawaii)

  27. I was friended by some guys in Bangladesh that had mutual FB friends from TAS. They all seem to be named Md. In private messages, they like to practice their English with me. Nice guys. Then, they started adding me to FB groups that I have no idea what the posts mean. If I get popped by the FBI, you’ll know why! LOL (It is funny when I have to explain my Osoisms to them. One of our mutual friends is in Vegas. They are fascinated by American Pop Culture)

  28. I flew for the first time since before 9/11 this last Fall. In fact, I hadn’t been in an airport at all since then. I went into the experience expecting it to be just fucking awful and was pleasantly surprised when it was only kind of annoying. The TSA screeners who pulled me aside and did the cavity search were actually pretty tender and considerate when I told them it was my first time. One of them, Big Rudy, even sent me a Christmas card!

  29. I’m not a Trump fan, however, the Boston Globe publishing a fake paper bashing Trump is absolutely horribly wrong.

  30. He deserves if for what he and the National Enquirer did to Cruz.

  31. Although, Scott, they are focusing on his comments about illegals and are trying to diminish them when in fact that’s the one thing I agree with him on.

  32. The Enquirer deal was dispicable.

  33. Cranberry pale wheat bottled. 2 weeks!

    This ibuprofen better kick in. I never take it, but this headache is kicking my ass.

  34. BOSTON GLOBE is always a fake newspaper. No class! Sad. Lawsuit coming.

  35. As ugly as our primary/caucus season has been, just wait until all the Bernie voters realize they’ve been disenfranchised. Just you wait, ‘enry ‘iggins, just you wait! 🎶 My Fair Lady’d

  36. Sean, please write a book. An e-book even. Just write.

  37. Coffee fixes headaches.

    Tito’s too.

  38. We’ll be trying the rum method later.

  39. Mossberg Maverick 88 for $219. Any experience with it? I’m looking for something for home defense.

  40. Rum causes headaches. And the diabeetus.

  41. Sorry, CoAl. Pretty sure Andy and Russ are the “Gun Guys”

  42. Rum causes headaches. And the diabeetus.

    You forgot vomiting.

  43. Today’s retail moment. I was cashiering. Had two consecutive Members dealing with parents with dementia issues. Biggest difference between Dan and Members: Members were shopping with family member. Dan is the delivery guy. Reminded me of shopping with my Dad. I would make him lift his feet and push his chair through the store. I really should’ve let him go at his own speed. Not really a regret, but I could’ve been kinder.

  44. Unless it falls apart on the first shot, $218 is a steal for any new gun.

  45. I’ve had a Mossberg for years, always reliable. The slide screw gave out once, someone replaced and I’m back in business. Many a pheasant has met it’s demise at the business end.

  46. I don’t have a rum aversion. My blood suger does.

  47. The pot does not fix a headache.

  48. The spiced rum is my kryptonite. Captain and coke, mmm.

  49. It’s always fixed them in the past, MJ. Maybe you’re doing it wrong.

  50. I’m butt chugging it.

    Wrong?

  51. Ocean Water was my weakness. Coconut Rum, Blue Caracao, and Sprite. Even with Sprite Zero there is too much sugar. I miss my rum drinks. Koloa rum is awesome.

  52. Did you see the drone ship landing of SpaceX? I thought it was a launch in reverse, it’s amazing!

    SpaceX Falcon 9 – Successful Drone Ship Landing – 8th April 2016

  53. That is a good price. They are $229 here at my place, and that’s where Mossberg employees go for their employee discount.

  54. Butt chugging? Is there a NC restroom for that?

  55. We went with this

    http://www.gandermountain.com/modperl/product/details.cgi?i=733171

    It’s a bit more, but it’s cheaper than buying two guns.

  56. That looks like the one I have, scott.

  57. I haven’t fired it yet.

    I did a lot of research though.

  58. Clay pigeons are cheap, and a lot of fun!

  59. There is nowhere to do that here.

  60. Private clubs only, you need to have connections to get in.

  61. That sucks. You don’t have a farmer friend somewhere?

  62. Farmers? My town has one.

  63. Dan made ribeyes for dinner. Too pink for me, but I’ve learned not to say anything. Just butter and bleu cheese. No steak sauce…EVER

  64. Poor oso, likes the burnt meat.

  65. http://is.gd/Ivv0Sb

  66. It was really pink. More medium than even medium well and no where close to well done. Dan gets huffy if I say anything critical about his cooking.

  67. He should boil your steaks.

  68. Takes too long to burn one that bad. Waste of time.

  69. You could just microwave it for 5 mins.

  70. My leftovers will be awesome!!!

  71. Best thing about my leftovers, MA prefers rare to medium so Dan has to share. Not me. Bwah ha ha

  72. I’m sorry dinner sucked, Oso. That does happen to everybody once in a while. And it always blows.

  73. It was really pink. More medium than even medium well and no where close to well done

    http://is.gd/kFoGdD

  74. Lauraw, it was still a tasty ribeye. I don’t think Dan would make a good fry cook. Too tempermental. 😂

  75. Should we be honest when our significant other creates a meal that we cannot pleasurably eat? This is a real problem. I believe in honesty, but am cognizant that honesty often leads to hurt feelings and a long-term cooking drought.

    Me, I want to know if what I cooked is repulsive to my spouse. I want to make enjoyable meals, even if I get stung in the learning process from time to time.

  76. Like this video. “Sometimes Darkness can show you the Light”

    Disturbed: The Light

  77. I’m with laura. I want the criticism. I don’t like to cook things that others don’t like.

    I will cook them for myself at times, if I’m really fond of it.

  78. Yep. Although on the flip side I tend to keep my mouth shut when I don’t like something, out of respect for the fact that someone else was kind enough to do the cooking. It’s a tweener decision, it really is.

  79. Working a half day tomorrow so I can come home early and study for a Monday morning exam.

    Have a great night shmoopies.

  80. Gotta pick your moments, I agree.

    Pretty sure you don’t have to pick many in your house.

  81. Mrs. Pupster tries really hard, and likes to make new recipes. If I don’t like something she can tell, and we just kind of go through the steps and the process to see if we can improve it next time or just not make it again.

    *smoke detector goes off*

    The boys don’t like a whole lot of anything, and fill in around the edges with bananas, mac and cheese and poptarts.

  82. If you never try anything new, you won’t discover your new favorite.

  83. Been there for the smoke detector. Pretty damn funny. Once you get over the initial embarrassment.

  84. I don’t cook. It gets ugly when I criticize the cook. I can get by on Ramen and hot dogs. Food War I was ugly.

  85. Ramen and hot dogs. 2 of my favorites.

    Hey, just because you can cook doesn’t mean you don’t stick with the classics.

  86. Car in will be here with a “blerg” soon. Sighting on facedouche…

    *calling it

  87. Did anybody fail to grasp the subtle differences that made anybody else’s mustache a Chaplin instead of a Hitler today?

  88. blerg

  89. J’ames knows me so well.

  90. It was a loong ass day. Busy in the am. Busy at night. Ugh. tired. My one foot hurts (stupid heelspur is acting up). tomorrow is another double and it’s gonna sssssuuuuck.

  91. I bought a bunch of noodle and sauce side dishes from Knorr, they are like a dollar each, and showed Boy2 how to fix them with a chopped up hot dog or leftover chicken, beef or pork.

    http://is.gd/Kh9LZN

    I don’t eat Ramen anymore, I lived on it for so long I can’t stand the sight of it.

    I also showed Boy2 how to fry leftover rice in a wok with and egg and whatever leftover veggies and meat we had in the fridge, add soy sauce and bam, hot fried rice.

  92. Who is taking care of Moose when you are fake double working?

    *worries*

  93. We were busy this weekend too. Don’t know why.

  94. I entrust Moose to my family.

    You are wise to worry.

  95. I set the doggie training book out with SPECIFIC pages they were all to read.

    I doubt they did it.

  96. Of course not!

    You should have told them not to read it, and hid it.

  97. Or use power cords as bookmarks.

  98. Both good thoughts.

  99. Tell them the recipe for the antidote is in the book. Leave it at that.

  100. 12 today, everyone in lapeer decided to eat out. And, they’d like to sit in the bar …@@

  101. Of course. There’s a baseball game on.

  102. I should probably sweep the hallway. One of the dust bunnies just bit me on the ankle.

  103. If the dust bunnies poop, Elliot will eat it.

    Damn, that dog loves him some bunny poop.

  104. 2 new recipes to try, spinach sausage bean soup and spinach artichoke dip.

  105. There’s a new sun
    Rising up angry in the sky
    There’s a new voice
    Crying ‘we’re not afraid to die’
    Let the old one
    Make believe it’s blind and derp and dumb
    But nothing can change the shape of things to come

  106. Can’t sleep….Rowan yakked in his crate and now we’re all tossing and turning

  107. Glad to be home. Mini-me won 1st place at the state Science Olympiad yesterday with the scrambler car. Otherwise, there were some dumb mistakes that cost us dearly in the other competitions. Overweight glider, disqualification in bottle rocket, blah blah blah. Nice weather in Montgomery. My dad was in good spirits, and I helped with some of the yardwork. I hate yardwork. I took Dad to lunch, which was really good. Waitress couldn’t tell apple from peach, but that was okay.

  108. Congrats to Mini and welcome home to both y’all.

  109. http://is.gd/HOPYak

  110. http://is.gd/0RrizF

  111. http://tinyurl.com/z9hr8a4

    this guy can be the butt of his own mom jokes

  112. http://is.gd/o7ml8g

  113. Mr. RFH pulled a ninja move, sneaking out through the dining room door while I was busy in the kitchen and talking to him. I have no idea how long I was talking to myself. Hate it when he does that.

  114. So Azealia Banks can say “Sarah Palin needs to have her hair shaved off to a buzz cut, get headfucked by a big, veiny, ashy black dick then be locked in a cupboard” but Stacy McCain gets banned for life for making a SJW feel inadequate. That makes all kinds of liberal sense.

  115. Making homemade baked beans today along with these:

    http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/three-ingredient-sweet-and-savory-short-ribs#

    I can honestly say that this is the first time in my 52 years I’ve purchased prune juice. I stood there trying to decide between the larger container (less per ounce of product) versus a six pack of cans (volume closer to what I needed with option to save the rest if constipated). When a line of elderly folks formed behind me, my face reddened and I grabbed the medium-sized jug of juice.

  116. Just use Dr Pepper.

  117. http://is.gd/6kISl0

  118. From Roamy’s link:


    She says they called an ambulance and her husband coded twice on the way to Columbus Regional Hospital

    WTF? One tooth is bad, so we’ll remove them all.

  119. I’ve used Dr Pepper as the liquid for pulled pork before and it worked fine. I think I have a couple of bottles left in the closet. Not really a soda drinker at all. Maybe a ginger ale to mix with booze now and then.

  120. Went to a charity auction last night at Mr. Beasn’s high school. I’m betting they raked in around $200k. They said about 65% of their young men are getting assistance to attend. I wonder what percentage were getting assistance back when Mr. Beasn went.

    Also, it so happens that the mayor of St. Louis is an alumni and he showed his face again like he’s a f*cking rock star. He didn’t stay long. Maybe worried a lightening bolt would come down and fry his bacon. It’s a Catholic high school and he is a baby killing supporting demonrat.

  121. There’s more to that story beasn. When I read that they thought it would or was (can’t remember the exact phrase, too lazy to look) spread to the other teeth I sort of thought it would be justified but the whole blood down the front of the shirt and coding on the way to the hospital thing sets off all sorts of alarms.

    The dentist definitely wasn’t prepared for this guy in terms of knowing his medical history and risk factors and the extent of the infection. Things were worse than anticipated and rather than shutting the case down earlier and transferring him to a bigger facility he tried to get away with extending the procedure. Dentistry for people without insurance may be an explanation but not an excuse.

  122. Yeah, something definitely wasn’t right about the story.

  123. I have a root canal on Monday. Thanks a lot for that story. You can rock me to sleep tonight.

  124. If you are good and numb or totally knocked out, Alex, it will be a piece of cake. Good luck.
    They will rinse the sucked out root meat, out with what smells like bleach.

  125. ixnay the second outay

  126. Actually, I had a root canal on the tooth 17 years ago. The dentist is going to clean out an infection that sprung up in the past couple of years.

    And I have a high pain tolerance, so I’m not too worried. More that I’m annoyed.

  127. This showed up on Friday and I squee’d like a pig in a pile of potato salad and cheesecake. It was so pretty, I almost didn’t want to take it in to get mounted. SYWM.

    *object in picture is smaller than it appears as I had it on the end of a claw*

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/14326423@N02/25745142874/in/dateposted-public/

  128. If the tooth I had root canaled give me any more trouble, it’s coming out. I will not go through another.

  129. Will some kind person try to go to englandship.com and let me know what happens?

    I get runtime error. From two different computers.

  130. Works fine for me. Oh wait… that’s englandtits.com.

    Ok, englandship.com works as well.

  131. Strange – it works for me now too. I got error messages from two different computers for several days.

    Rebooting fixed it on both computers.

  132. Hmm, all I get is a webcam view of your mom’s house.

  133. Tell her the toilet cam is down again.

  134. A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
    Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’
    Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
    ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
    ‘Yes’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he’s watching you.’
    The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
    ‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
    ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
    ‘The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

  135. Not fixed. I keep getting runtime errors trying to access that particular site.

    HTTP Failed
    netconnection.call.failed ….services/gateway.php

    Any ideas?

  136. That’s a server side error, I think they have to fix it. Their database might be down, or have hardware issues.

  137. Did you try a different browser? IE, Firefox, Chrome?

    Try your phone?

  138. Tried them all. Nada. I’ll call them tomorrow.

  139. Country Style Pork Ribs on the grill. I’ve invited members of my family to make backup dinner plans since nobody likes them as much as I do.

    Don’t care. Forage in the wilderness if you want, I’m eating big fat BBQ ribs.

  140. http://is.gd/_goes_to_check_grill

  141. I’m cooking wings for dinner tonight. Half will be with BBQ sauce, the rest with teriyaki glaze.

  142. Pulled pork BBQ sammiches and potato wedges for dinner.

  143. Car in.

    http://tinyurl.com/h9vx3je

  144. Xbradtc, are you living alone now? If so, how is it? A relief? Lonely?

  145. New toy

  146. All cabinet pulls and knobs installed. Electrical cover plates installed.

    Only two undercabinet lights left to install.

    Then kitchen is dun dun.

    HotBride is busy filling things up. Happy as a clam.

  147. Nice. I still have a Mossberg 500 in my gun locker I bought 2 years ago I haven’t fired yet. Don’t be me.

  148. My plan is to head out to the range in a couple of weeks, once life settles down.

  149. Three holes-in-one at the Masters.

  150. Better than three-in-one-hole.

  151. Come on, Jordan. Hang in there! Three holes in one…wow!

  152. He’s a cutie!

  153. Ha! I meant that last comment for my daughter about her cat (texting), but it works for Jordan too!

  154. How’s byron Nelson playing. Did him and Sneed make the cut?

  155. Heh, PD. We’re old.

  156. So much for Spieth.

  157. PG, old fart playing this time is Bernhard Langer. Half the guys playing weren’t even born when he won his first green jacket. He was doing great yesterday; I think he’s +4 today.

    Snead always reminds me of Snoopy’s doghouse being threatened with demolition.

  158. Mare, yes, I’m living alone. It’s both a relief, and a little lonely. I joined the Navy League (first luncheon tomorrow) and volunteered to work at the Palm Springs Air Museum (first session Tuesday).

  159. Wow. He had a 5 stroke lead with 9 to go.

    5 holes later he’s three strokes behind the leader.

  160. Jordan ‘Jean Van de Velde’ Spieth

  161. Putting your ball in Rae’s Creek will do that.

  162. Beef short ribs braised with teriyaki sauce and prune juice were okay. When I took them out they looked burnt but it was the effect of the prune juice staining the meat. Paula panicked about the appearance and ran down the corner store for hot dogs since her parents were here. Her dad and I had the ribs which were just good, not great. Probably won’t make them again.

  163. Gah. On the road, limited computer access. Thought of you degenerates when we drove by “Rim Liquors” in Payson. Went to a knife deal last night. Cute blonde at the next table. Turns out it was Kelly Carlson.

  164. Well done, xbradtc!

  165. Heh. The liquor store name is funny, but it would have been better if they played it straight. Their ‘mascot’ is a guy with his tongue hanging out. Not subtle.

  166. Drudge is insanely in Trump’s camp.

  167. My ribs turned out pretty good. I had to keep feeding charcoal into the grill to keep the temperature up, took longer than I thought it would. Got plenty of leftovers for lunch this week.

  168. Good come back, Jordan.

    22 years old. Whew.

  169. Rim Liquors: Making your Christmas holidays memorable since 1974!

  170. BREAKING NEWS: I saw a young woman wearing leggings who actually looked good in leggings!!!

  171. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

  172. Calling Shenanigans on the “Legging Sighting”

  173. I dunno, man, the trendlines had not been moving in that direction.

  174. I was at work. Dan said Spieth Tin-Cupped on 12. I really don’t think he’s done the way the Doom & Gloomers are carrying on.

  175. I saw a young woman wearing leggings who actually looked good in leggings!!!

    Pics or it didn’t happen.

    “Your pants say yoga, your body says McDonalds.”

  176. Pics or it didn’t happen.

    I’m a 40-year-old man with a rather large beard. When I come bounding out of the office to take pictures of a shapely young thing, it could end up with pepper spray.

  177. Hoo boy. I’m 15 years older than Sean.

    That explains the beard. His and mine.

  178. Getting mighty sick of studying for exams. Another big one tomorrow. Feh.

    Jimbro, does Paula ever say this:

    “Thank goodness I paid attention to that lecture in Genetics class on alternative mRNA splicing or I could NEVER be this good of a nurse!”

    Honest to God, this is so stupid. I will never use this information again.

  179. Lauraw, you can do it!!!

  180. Meanwhile, they truncate or accelerate the courses that contain information we actually will need.

  181. Lauraw, you never know when you’ll veer off and become a noted geneticist. Don’t be so closed minded.

  182. , it could end up with pepper spray.

    And? We all have to make sacrifices.

  183. “Thank goodness I paid attention to that lecture in Genetics class on alternative mRNA splicing or I could NEVER be this good of a nurse!”
    —————-
    If I had a nickel for every time those words have come out of her mouth…

  184. “Thank goodness I paid attention to that lecture in Genetics class on alternative mRNA splicing or I could NEVER be this good of a nurse!”

    It might not help you to be a better nurse, but it’ll help you to be a helluva Mad Scientist.

  185. I saw a 5′ 2″, 100 lb, 18 year old girl in leggings a couple of years ago. I never really thought much about what her vagina looked like, but after that sighting I didn’t have to wonder. All that was left for me to imagine is whether she was shaved or not. She was a good kid too.

  186. Fanks, Oso. I’m doing okay. My classmates send me panicked emails about how screwed they are. I’m just ready for it all to end so I can have my Spring in the garden.

  187. Leggings are obscene, pendejo. At school they are everywhere like it’s the school uniform. These nice kids don’t know what it looks like to old people like me, though. They think they look nice. Feh, well, at least they are over 18. When I see tight leggings on little girls I really wonder about the parents.

  188. I told XB and Sean about Dan in Tempe. He noticed a shapely figure in leggings bending over a bunker in The Club. Waited to check out the face…and she was around 14 years old. LOL The guys at work get really upset about the body-hugging clothes the young girls wear. It is really bad on Sunday. Messican 12 year olds dress like hookers and have figures beyond their age. NM: #1 in Teen Pregnancy.

  189. Lauraw: JINX! Pick Poke you owe me a coke

  190. Heh

    Sean and Mare

    http://tinyurl.com/zk3e9vu

  191. Nailed it, Chumpo.

  192. Get outta here.

    You know you’re a hottie.

  193. Everyone on the internet is a hottie.

  194. HS, do we get pics of the finished kitchen? Pups, will you be able to see Cynabuns?

  195. “Thank goodness I paid attention to that lecture in Genetics class on alternative mRNA splicing or I could NEVER be this good of a nurse!”

    Had a neighbor who became an nurse. Said nursing is mostly wiping butts. You’ll need some splicing knowledge on getting crevices squeaky clean.

    Somewhat kidding aside, I think you’re gonna be a great nurse. Smart ones will be able to catch doctors doing stupid things. Be the smart one and learn your mRNA splices.

  196. I may change my POL pic with my DMV pic. It’s actually good (subject matter taken into consideration).

  197. Awesome!

    http://is.gd/PHqIyD

  198. My Texas license pic was so bad I looked mental. The gal at the DMV actually said, “Hey, let’s take another!” And the mental pic was the good one!

  199. When I see tight leggings on little girls I really wonder about the parents.

    So my daugher wears these running ‘tights’ that are in the same category as yoga pants, IMO. She wore them over Easter break and I asked her why everyone needs to see every nook and cranny of her butt. She tells me her shirt is long enough to cover her butt. Not. Okay, whatever you say but know that creepy old men will be ogling you and old women, like me, will be like ‘wth?’, in our day we wore long sweaters that went mid thigh and would have never dreamed of letting everyone see every dimple dotting our asses.

  200. Beasn, I love your diamond. ❤️❤️❤️

  201. (beasnette is tall and willowy and does run 5ks)

  202. at the H2 spring fashion show.

    http://tinyurl.com/zk4qedu

  203. Beasn, most leggings are of the OFB or Brazilian variety. Back in my day, we wore tunics or long sweaters.

  204. Oso, thanks!! I went and picked my ring up this afternoon (took the diamond in Friday to the place that did the setting) and it’s flipping awesome! The lady tried to get me to put a matching band on layaway but I had to beat her off with a wet noodle.

    I’ll see if I can load a picture, which won’t do it justice.

  205. Went to my son’s 8th grade graduation. One girl in his class looked 20, dressed like a hooker. I thought “some poor bastard’s going to jail…”

  206. Get off my lawn. Yoga pants, leggings, and tights. Tights as leggings really make me say WTF? Stahp with the legging/tight with boots dealio. No one can carry that look off.

  207. “Your pants say yoga, your body says McDonalds.”

    Hoo boy. I’m 15 years older than Sean.
    That explains the beard. His and mine.

    HAHAHAHA

  208. Next time my daughter wears her running tights without a tunic down to her knees, I’m going to threaten her with me wearing a pair. That’ll show her.

  209. huh, tough call. My oldest wears running tights just to hang out. She had a small, lovely body. She was also a 10 year volleyball player so very used to wearing spandex shorts. She does not look vulgar in any way.

    However, some women because of thier curves and tightness of the pants do look vulgar.

    My daughter is 26. I cannot tell her what to wear. Regardless of what she wears men ogle her incessantly, she’s a beauty.

  210. Thanks, beasn.

  211. Lookin’ good folks.

  212. “The lady tried to get me to put a matching band on layaway but I had to beat her off with a wet noodle.”

    I am fascinated with your ideas and if you publish a news letter I would very much like to subscribe.

  213. Lauraw, the best nurses my Father, mother and myself have had, were smiling, kind, sweet, efficient professionals. It’s as if they loved thier job, wanted to know us and were sincerely engaged in our improvement. Anyone can give a shot, administer meds or take a temp swipe. It’s those with a charming personality who made us feel better.

  214. mare, my daughter is tall and thin (with hips she didn’t get from me *pouts*). She can wear a lot of things that make curvier, big-busted, bodacious gals look like hookers. Still don’t want her to tempt pervs.

    But, yeah, at 23, I can no longer catch her and lock her in her room.

  215. Chumpo, SYWM.

    ;)

  216. I’m thinking about putting my diamond in a rose gold setting. Not that big, but perfect. It has been locked up at our bank since I got so fat my rings had to be cut off.

  217. I can no longer catch her and lock her in her room.

    Have you tried? Heck, even if you don’t succeed I bet it would scare her into wearing whatever the Hell you want her to wear.

  218. Oso, life is short, do it now. I’ve got lots of things from relatives who never, “had that ring (necklace, earrings) made.

  219. Beasn, I’m waiting for my weight to stabalize. AKA managing my diabetes. I seem to have stabalized at a 12 off meds and doing what I want.

  220. Oso, here ya go. I made sure, this time around, to do a lot of homework on the 4 Cs. ‘Cut’ being the most important. I was willing to compromise on the color and size, but not so much on clarity…and definitely not on the cut.

    The dark lines you see are not flaws but the symmetry of a well cut diamond ( they look like arrows and if you flipped it over, you’d see hearts). Oh, and I don’t do white gold.

    DSCN1227

  221. I walk so much at work, I’m getting a wee bit of definition in my butt. It is no longer as flat as it used to be. * I will never be leggings worthy

  222. OMG. I embiggened it and SQUEEEEEEE

  223. Lovely, beasnsnsns. A happy, wearable reminder of your years together. Something…timeless.

  224. In Tempe, I was wearing my 20th anniversary ring from Na Hoku, plumeria band. Got Dan a koa wood platinum inlay.

  225. Is that English?

  226. Jewelry speak.

  227. You can’t really see the setting in the pic. Here is what the setting looks like…looks like two little diamond people either holding up or bowing to the ‘Rock’.
    http://www.shaneco.com/detail/round-diamond-three-stone-engagement-ring-with-pavandeacute;-setting/41068018

    Mare, that is what Mr. Beasn said…you never know what tomorrow will bring, so at 50, get what you want (within reasonable limits) and enjoy it. I had one on hold at ShaneCo, as I wasn’t sure…then bought one from Whiteflash…and then he started talking about spending a little more and what wife would not take that kind of talk and run with it…and then I found it. Drove all the way to Houston to look. When ‘the’ stone came to my house it gave me flutters. That made him happy.

  228. Oso with a wee bit of local girl.

  229. That’s a beautiful ring.

  230. LOVE plumeria bands. Oso, if you go over one in my flickr stream, you can see where I tried to get a picture of some sparkle. I caught two. Still doesn’t do it justice.

  231. Thanks Chumpo! I love it.
    I put 30 years in for that ring. (Mr. Beasn says I should say that to my MiL if she ever asks…though he thinks I should probably not show her. *disclaimer – she is old school frugal German where you save every dime and then you die*)

  232. Beasn, Na Hoku has a single plumeria in rose gold setting. I’ve thought about taking my diamond with me on a road trip. (Jewelry Blog) Waits for the copycat post at the HQ.

  233. Did I miss the Wiser link to yesterday’s broadcast?

  234. That thing must be enormous to fit on your big green hand.

    *runs away*

  235. There was a young couple at the jewelry store looking at rose gold engagement rings.

    *google images “Na Hoku single plumeria in rose gold setting”*

  236. Oooo, I likey. Rose gold is so pretty.

    Did you see the tri-color plumeria ring? Put your rock in the middle one.

  237. *swings Big Green Fist and clips Sean with enormous rock as he tries to flee*

    Lookit that, it gives me ‘reach’.

  238. AKA managing my diabetes. I seem to have stabalized at a 12 off meds and doing what I want.

    Please do take care of yourself. The giant ‘fairy’ in my photostream was making plans to go to another Spring Event while in the process of moving to a new place…….and let his diabeetus get out of control. He woke up dead one morning. Granted, he was a bachelor and living alone, but still.

  239. I love you guys. I may lose a baby toe, but I’m good. (Pinky toes are fine) Beasnes, the tri-color plumeria is beautiful, but just the hint of yellow gold sends me into the Walking Dead. I can’t have anything gold/Yellow near my skin.

  240. I forget that adorable PB Beasn is Hulk Beasn here. INCONCIEVABLE

  241. INCONCEIVABLE!

  242. Helloooo, I’m on bourbon 3. I turned off spellcheck. Does any one really believe I can spell Inconceivable?

  243. If you lose a toe, you will have to risk your foot and get a tattoo like this…

  244. He’s gonna get tackled by Mare. Or me.

    http://tinyurl.com/hkvfzxo

  245. Tattoos are more of a no no than pedis or waxing. Diabeetus sucks!!! OFB 4 life! Muppet Brow 4 Ever!

  246. I love yellow gold. It looks so warm and sunny. But I thought, this time, if I was going all out on the diamond, I may as well do the same with the metal. PT950 FTW!
    (no to white gold as I am lazy and do not want to regularly get it ‘dipped’..not to mention, it has nickel)

  247. Roamy, Red Wine Dixie Cup? THX. Migraine. It sucks being me. (Fills up DOF with cheap bourbon)

  248. Well, if you can’t get a tattoo, then chumpo will have to get one after he gets a toe removed in solidarity.

  249. Beasn, Hawaii markets have awesome Yellow Gold. Skin twin!!!

  250. Did anybody have to apologize to anybody else for doubting their story about how they briefly dated Shelley Duvall back in the Summer of 1988 today?

  251. I greatly enjoy seeing attractive women wearing leggings/tights/yoga pants. And there’s practically zero young people here, so it’s not really an issue.

    On the other hand, there’s a distressing trend of seeing 75-80 old women wearing tights at Ralph’s. Look, lady, you’re in remarkable shape for your age, but wear some fucking slacks.

  252. Gym grandma’s!!!!

  253. We call them Dixies. MAD TV’d

  254. Actually, I was in line behind a trophy wife today, 55-60 years old. Absolutely gorgeous. And tall. At least as tall as me. Jeans, no tights.

    She was holding up the line checking what she was being charged for some pretty nice wine. She turned and apologized for holding up progress.

    I said, “No problem, I’m just admiring the view.”

    Her husband was not amused.

  255. Her shoes? Please tell us you noticed her jean butt shoes!

  256. Gorgeous ring, Beasn!

    And FWIW, some of us moms let our young daughters wear leggings because all of the pants in their size are 6-8 inches too long…..

  257. On the other hand, there’s a distressing trend of seeing 75-80 old women wearing tights at Ralph’s

    I ran into a woman I used to work with at the grocery store. She was wearing yoga pants. Her shirt wasn’t long enough to cover her sagging behind. She is a chain smoker and 61 years old. She looks at least ten years older than that.

  258. TMI. Had a fem hyg emergency. Today was Dan’s ME Day. I texted him to buy me some jeans and bring them to me. I couldn’t cover for myself and just buy capris. I wore black liners with white tennis shoes. I KNOW!!! FU WordPress

  259. Look, lady, you’re in remarkable shape for your age, but wear some fucking slacks.

    You can’t wear fucking slacks out and about because of the hole in the back. Duh.

  260. She was and is, a brown nosing slacker.

  261. TifW, petite sizes are bogus. Husky in the Boys dept? True Fit. Must be the lack of hips

  262. Her husband was not amused.

    Husband: “I’ll knock your goddamn teeth out, buddy!”

    b-rad: “Heh.”

  263. Beasnette can’t wear collared shirts from jr/women’s dept..so she goes to the boys/young mens. Must be lack of chesticles.

  264. Sean, he was probably in a wheel chair if she was a 55-60yr old trophy wife. xbrad could take him.

  265. I have udders. Still prefer the fit in the Boys/Mens. Wore a girl shirt today when the “Wings” failed. Dan wants to put me in Depends on Big Dog Days. True Story: leggings/tights aren’t for the DEPENDS group. IYKWIMAITTYD?

  266. Old lady in a diaper wearing leggings? Kill me nao!

  267. Games retail plays. Most recent is Walken as King Louis as Walken. Meta

  268. He was 60-65 or so, but a pretty rugged looking dude. I was pretty confident I could drop him with the handle of bourbon if it came to that, though.

  269. Yeah, you could probably best him in a drinking contest.

  270. You two could joust on Rascal scooters.

  271. This is terrifying, yet I cannot look away.

  272. The goggles, they do nothing.

  273. I should have been asleep hours ago.

    Stupid internet.

  274. Just finished my Russian quiz. 91%.

  275. “handle of bourbon”

    it’s the entrenching tool of booze world

  276. the

  277. *damn bourbon*

  278. So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said, “Eh, I know you, and you cannot derp”
    I said, “That’s nothing, you should hear me play piano”

  279. I have always looked at teh t Rump as a worthless albino

    Dont let Ositter fool ya, she’s a hottie. Sean too.

    On and on


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