Who Gives A Rat’s Ass About The Oscars?

First, a little song I wrote when I lived in Arizona. Who the hell knows what it’s about. Between the tequila and mushrooms it all made sense when I wrote down the lyrics on some whore’s back. Now we just need to find her since she’s the key to the whole thing.

I actually don’t give a rat’s ass about the Oscars. A few of the flicks look good and I know various Hostages have talked up a few of them over the year. If you have a spare rodent haunch in your possession and care to look here is a list: http://oscar.go.com/nominees.

Love the hair. Full on Natural


I want a weinermobile. So does Cyn.


Gotta love these Oscars


I hope everyone is having a great time at TITS II: The Deuce. Hopefully the bail fund was enough to get everyone out and no one suffered too much from their cactus dive in the road side ditch.





  1. They have cacti in Arizona, right? At least they did on the Roadrunner cartoons I watched as a kid.

  2. Whoa, I guess they do have cacti!


  3. http://www.americansouthwest.net/plants/cacti/stenocereus-thurberi.html

    *organ pipe*

  4. They have one called a teddy bear cholla that if you step on it, even in heavy boots, the spines will work their way through the shoe leather. A friend had a back yard full of them. “Why?” I asked. “They keep the coyotes out”

    Quite hospitable place, Arizona 🙂

  5. We have a bunch of cholla. That “cactus dive” pic makes me cringe. They really hang on when they stick in you. Pulling them out, your skin lifts way up. Hate that stuff.

  6. Hmmm, Alien just came on. I’m struck by how ordinary all the actors look. Now, everybody is ripped and has huge muscles, then, regular arms, a little chubby.

  7. They have saguaro forests in AZ. The natives ate the fruit for vitamin C.

  8. Also, it’s against state law to harm a saguaro in any way for any reason. Even public works have to get a permit to move them. Can’t kill ’em.

  9. Saw a saguaro around mile marker 284 that looked like Dick-butt. I didn’t know how to ask Dan to stop so I could take a pic.

  10. I had to look this up to see if I was remembering right and, lo and behold, I did remember correctly:


    As a kid in Massachusetts around the beaches of Cape Cod and my Boy Scout camp in SE MA, I used to occasionally see cactus in the woods and it was a total mindfuck to actually see it. After acres of scrub oak and pitch pine seeing a cactus on the ground was a shocker.


  11. So, a funny thing happened to my Friday as I drove through AZ. I spent time with a group of people most kind. Not only were they very kind but they were warm and wonderful and funny and bright. They every mthing that I cherrish in people and being near them renewed my hope for humanity. I left their radient company woefully too soon and continued to Tempe where I met our group at The Tempe Mission Palms.

    What a Rouge’s Gallery!! The Sushi was really good though.


  13. I’ve been through the desert on a whore with no name…

  14. Must’ve felt good to get out of the rain

  15. Is everyone dead?

  16. Today we roast beef.

  17. Green chili and red chili is on the menu today.

  18. Im not dead but I contracted Chikungamunga riding on SARS with Zika in the side hack out in the desert.

    Ive had to break out the nebulizer.

  19. I met the nicest twin girls in the hallway at the hotel last night. They asked if I wanted to play with them.

    Play with them…forever.

  20. Heh.

    Stay away from the Elevator

  21. Poor Cyn got sick as a dog and missed everything, after all her hard work to set this up.

  22. You better be joking.

  23. Not joking. She spent the whole time in her room. She walked us to dinner last night, but went straight back.

  24. Jimbro, prickly pear!

  25. Holy crap, Cyn was sick last year — I can’t believe it!

  26. TITS is cursed.

  27. Comment by scott on February 28, 2016 1:48 pm
    Today we roast beef.

    IN HELL!

  28. She caught the flu at the hospital.

  29. What a damn shame. Not fair. Poor Cyn.

  30. IN HELL!

    No no, that’s where we eat it.

  31. I miss you knuckleheads and hope Cyn feels better

  32. Texas Nexas.

    Also Laura’s grad. Maken zee plannen.

  33. I got 3 top round roasts in the PBC..

    Cooked roast beef freezes well.

  34. Heh Jimbro, my Mom has a native CT opuntia cactus in a huge pot on her front step. It always looks like it’s dying in Fall, but what it’s actually doing is shrivelling and drying out so that it will survive freezing temps without bursting in Winter. It makes pretty flowers and little prickly pear fruits in Summer.

    When I planted it for her in that pot, probably over fifteen years ago, I had to handle it through sections of newspaper. It was a total pain in the ass. I thought I would transplant it eventually. I have managed to put it off this long. From one little pad, it has colonized and covers the surface of a 24″ pot, and drapes over the sides a little.

    Good thing she has a nice wide front step.

  35. I was disappointed to read that their range doesn’t extend to Maine. Like anything else I bet there’s scattered instances along the coast in southern Maine.

  36. I bet they would survive Maine freezes just fine, provided they could dry out well enough in Fall. The thing that kills them is wet weather in Fall that allows them to stay plump (and therefore die in Winter). Mom has covered hers with plastic in the past, to protect it from getting wet too late in the season.

  37. Be sure to take pics of the roasts, Scott. Don’t let Laura have any until she admits the divinity of the PBC.

  38. Charcoal cannot beat the flavor of Perfect Mix wood pellets for smoke flavor, that we use for smoking on our gas grill.

    The PBC did a pretty darn nice job, I admit. Tender, juicy, hot and red from edge-to-edge.

    And yes, smoky and delicious, as charcoal goes. But nothing matches the flavor of Perfect Mix smoke. It has become my ideal.

  39. PBC is great because we can do more meat at once, and keep it juicy and good. And of course, it takes a lot less babysitting than the grill.

    If we could get some Perfect Mix smoke going in the PBC, it would be like Xanadu over here for meat preparation.

  40. Made it home. You peeps headed to sky harbor heed my word of caution…we got there 1.5 hours early and barely made it. It may have just been a Sunday Morning thing but damn it was asshole to elbow all through the terminal just to check a bag, then security was 20 snaking lines deep.

    I also have whatever creeping crud was going around, I begged for a bottle of water on the plane I was so dehydrated and sick, the flight attendant took mercy on me and kept the water coming the whole flight.

    I came home and went to bed, I’m hoping to live to fight another day.

  41. Or die screaming in a puddle of my own body fluids, it’s a toss up.

  42. Yeah, the beauty of the PBC is quantity and the set it and forget it operation.

  43. PBC says it cooks between 275-325. Mine was at 381 with the vent closed as far as it would go, still came out great.

    Probably runs hot here because we are so close to sea level.

    I’ll plug part of the vent to get that down a bit.

  44. Hope Cyn and the Pupsters are feeling better real soon. Cripes. I think somebody gets sick every time at these things. Brewfie had to bow out of dinner and drinks one trip, and I think Andy got sick at Rosetta’s Missouri Meetup.

  45. HotBride’s sick. Roamie’s sick. I think I’m solo for dinner.

  46. DAMN. Next meetup, let’s first apply the alcohol topically.

  47. I’m no expert but I think you need the green one. Maybe blue.


  48. I have a fever. I havnt had one in as long as I can remember.

    New Muddler Fever.

  49. Ive seen the blue. Ive seen the red.

    The green. Never, of course it was brand new back then.

  50. The East Coast Cabal is hogging all of the Health Professionals.

    It’s takkg its toll.

    Last night I was prescribing Afrin for ear aches and Bactine for Strep Throat.
    Now everyone is sick.

  51. Did you all share?

  52. There’s something you dont know anout New Muddler Fever.

    There is now multiple vectors.

  53. I caught the crud really badly as well. The trip home was very uncomfortable.

  54. What are the symptoms? Asking for a friend.

  55. New Muddler Fever was a great album.

  56. Serious Cough
    Low grade fever
    A head like hurty wet bread.
    A handle Bar Moustach
    Webbed toes
    And I cant play the violin.

  57. Oh 💩. I’m playing it off as allergies and all the smokers in Laughlin.

  58. Thanks to Cyn, I had an amazing first meet up. Only wish I was able to spend more time with her. I love you guys, and hope to meet the rest of you at some point.

  59. “There is an opportunity this year, Tuesday, and we have the opportunity — we have an opportunity Tuesday. It may be the last opportunity we have for the people’s voice to be heard. You have asked for 30 years, and politicians have promised for 30 years to fix illegal immigration,” Sessions said.

    wtf – backing trump leads to incoherent arguments and incomplete sentences i guess

  60. The Donald copied Sessions Immigration plan word for word. The fix was in.

  61. Well, my bride accompanied me to dinner, but now she’s crashed in bed.

    Guess I’ll go to Harry’s and let her rest.

  62. Hope Hotbride is well enough for tomorrow.

  63. Dan is tired of the Wickenburg road. Drove to Laughlin via Needles. OMG Thank you Bonine.

  64. Good God. You all need to check the hotel kitchen for a Typhoid Mary.

  65. AZ was a late flu hot zone.

  66. The hooker swore she was clean before we killed her

  67. Hooker or Co-ed?

  68. Roamie was able to get dinner at the bar in Harry’s. Now she’s off dreamland.

  69. Getting ready to send Dan out for dinner. My hacking cough is irritating him. Pretty sure it is allergies. Desert was blooming as we traveled. LOTS of smokers. Allergies

  70. I really hope so Oso. Thus far, Mrs. Pups, Shaun, and I are the only ones still respirating normally.

  71. Dan is breathing ok, no fever

  72. I noticed a cute girl in the parking garage with a cute figure. Georgia plates. Wasn’t wearing shoes. Dan is making me wear flip flops in our room. Me: You didn’t say anything about the barefoot Georgia peach in the parking garage. Dan: I didn’t see her. A “Real” Hostage would’ve pointed her out. FIN

  73. Had a great day today shooting trap.

    I wish I was in Tempe with the rest of you!

    Here’s my favorite band from back when I was in flight school (at old Williams AFB) in 1988:

    This one is fun as well:

    Love the lyric, ‘The naked streets of violence lust and pain.’

    That’s cool.

  74. I was good friends with a couple of guys in the Gin Blossoms.

    I thought the Strand was a better band. This song still kicks ass:

    ‘Empty liquor bottles on the bedroom floor. I wake up screaming and I reach for more’.

    That’s pretty bad ass.

  75. BTW, ‘Backwater ‘ is the the best Meat Puppets song (besides ‘Sam’).

  76. I noticed the brass plaque for the Gin Blossoms on Mill Street in Tempe, right across from our hotel.

  77. I’ve had a lot of time off lately and and have been using my time to go and see bands.

    The Continental Drifters “rain song’ is in this somewhere.

    I love the bangles. They rock.

  78. Really? Dan meets a few Hostages and you are letting him slide on what a “Real” Hostage would do?

  79. xbrad.

    Doug Hopkins was a friend of mine.

    A very gifted guitarist, but a troubled soul. I have a lot of their old vinyl LP’s that they made for club advances.

    His guitar work on ‘Slave Dealers Daughter’ dropped my jaw.

  80. Just got home and I’m not sick so far. I would look for the Typhoid Mary in the hotel bar.

  81. Thomas?

  82. CHUMPO! I have custody of your hat. Will UPS when I get home. Please forward address of the mission where you currently reside.

  83. Dude, I put the hat on, and went zero to a hundred and fifty in three seconds.

    Please advise.

  84. Hey oso, b-rad and I stopped at a gas station where they had waste baskets in each stall in the bathroom. Total mojado.

  85. HS found the Chumpo hat? I suggest letting it travel to the next Meet in lieu of PattyAnn’s muddler.

  86. Sean, I drank water knowing I was going to travel through the Mojave. No restrooms. No wastebaskets. Dan knows I don’t “Go” outside. Needles McDonalds has Diet DP. YAY! Clerk behind counter: overwhelmed. We decided to head on to Laughlin. In n Out only has diet coke. My double double was awesome

  87. We ate at Steak N Shake and they had Diet Dr Pepper too. I think roamy noticed it before I did.

  88. OMG I didn’t get my Steak N Shake!!!! What shake did you get?

  89. I got strawberry.

  90. Sean, what Patton Oswalt did you reference at Harry’s Place?

  91. Mmmmm…I love SnS

  92. (Living vicariously through HS)

  93. Deli chick was hacking up a lung. Looks like breakfast buffet before movie tomorrow. I have the Club bag of cough drops.

  94. Y’all need to comment faster. I’m getting all hyped up on cough drops.

  95. True story! My phone is still on Mountain Time. Dan’s is on Pac Time. Random

  96. Today was a bit of a struggle for me.

    Had a great time shooting, but the wife is down in Disneyworld with her girlfriends and hasn’t called.

    I know she’s having fun and that’s cool.

    Last night I watched the movie ‘Luther’ from 2 to 4 am. It was really good. One of the best quotes ever: ‘Here i stand, I can do no other.”

    That means a lot to me.

    My youngest daughter is an acclaimed atheist and a plausible Lesbian.

    We’ll see how this shakes out. She’s a solid kid. I think she’s just fucking with me.

  97. If you think your daughter is fucking with you, she probably is. At a certain age we do things to get Dad’s attention.

  98. And to just generally mess with him.

    I hope you all recover quickly.

  99. oso, Patton Oswalt: The Johnny Lawrence Story: https://youtu.be/rMsLvLshZBQ

  100. Not that you (Phat) need input from me. My only qualification is having been a young girl and weird shit runs through our veins then.

  101. Dammit, everyone recuperate promptly.

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