It’s easier to review a movie that sucks balls because spoilers don’t matter since whoever wrote the review doesn’t want you to see it anyway.
This is a positive review so if you haven’t seen John Wick and you like action movies, guns and a lot of bad guys getting killed, rent John Wick and don’t read anymore because the rest of this review will spoil the shit out of it.
I don’t even remember hearing about this movie when it came out but I ran across it on Amazon Prime the other day and I’ve now watched it twice and I love it like a fat kid loves cake.
The movie is about a guy that used to be a killer for hire who retired and then was PULLED BACK IN!!! I know…yawn. Not the most original plot. However here are a list of things that I really liked about this movie.
A) I think you call this a plot device but I’m not sure. Seeing people who are important to the main character get killed as the motivation for the revenge is normal but if you kill a guy’s fucking puppy then we’re talking about a whole new level of revenge. You don’t fucking kill a puppy. Ever! Whatever happens to the people who kill the puppy is too humane. Most people suck and I generally don’t like them but dogs are good. There are two quotes about dogs that I love:
“Everyone thinks their dog is the best and none of them are wrong.”
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”
B) I’ve never had anything against Keanu Reeves. He’s maybe not the best actor in the world but you’re probably not the best in the world at what you do either so shut up. At least for an actor he doesn’t give you reason to hate his guts like Sean Penn does. I thought Keanu Reeves was great in this movie. Granted it’s a revenge-fantasy action movie that doesn’t require eight octaves of emotion but maybe that’s what made him good for this role.
C) Although this movie was made in 2014 there are scenes with old school land-line phones with a cord. If you’re an old person like me there is something nice about seeing that.
D) The killing in this movie – of which there is a lot – is cold and sometimes brutal. The main character John Wick kills probably 40 people and the kill shots are almost always in the head and oftentimes in the face. I wouldn’t have noticed this unless it was unusual and intentional. I’ve seen a thousand movies and this stuck out to me as very different from say a Terminator movie or something like that where there is just a spray of gun fire and bad guys fall down. The personal nature in which some of the bad guys get whacked and John Wick stares into their eyes is something you don’t see often.
E) John Wick drives some sweet old school muscle cars which if you are a man with testosterone in your veins like Mare you will like. There are 1,000 reasons that hippies who drive Priuses would hate this movie but this is a good one.
F) Unlike most movies with massive amounts of gunfire, the main character actually empties his magazine and has to reload. There is a scene or two where this is to his detriment. It bugs me in other movies like this where there is apparently an endless number of rounds and no need to reload.
G) This seems sort of gay to notice in an action movie and I didn’t really notice it until the second viewing but the musical score works very well with the action in the film. It has a good beat you and can
dance watch Keanu kill to it.
This probably doesn’t rank in the best 50 action movies of all time but it’s close. There is a sequel coming out which I hope they don’t fuck up. The movie wraps up nicely at the end so if the sequel turns into “Taken 47: I Still Have a Particular Set of Skills” that will suck.
In closing I enjoyed this movie and thought it was very well done. If you disagree then you’re a smelly hippie or some sort of asswipe.
I give it 2.75 out of 3 hosefuckers.
[UPDATE: YOUR MOM]
laura kinda made me feel bad for even mentioning the puppy thing so here is a picture of Floyd and Daisy.
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