Secret Santa Gift Opening Poatsie!

Time to open our gifts yay!!human-santapede

Email your pic to TheH2SecretSanta%gmail.combover and I’ll add it to the post. Love n Hugs, Your Secret Santa Helper Elf, MJ Cyn.

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  1. I got a couple of pics loaded already – a spechul thankee to mah Seekret Santa, Pendejo Grandee (I used my Texas talk book!) Mmmwah!

  2. I have a really good idea who my Secret Santa was. Bert on the floor is being stared down by Rowan and contemplating his fate.

  3. *drinks and stands by for pickshures*

  4. Nice cattle dog, Jimbro! Reminds me of our late departed Ruby.

  5. Yannow, for someone who is supposedly so smart, you can be pretty dumb sometimes……

    Mrs Caruthers?

  6. That Santa with the Astroglide is effing hilarious!

  7. Laura, I got this one. The bowl needs to freeze first, so I’ll let you know how things turn out tomorrow and poat the recipe if it tastes good.

  8. Pic sent.

    Thanks Alex.

    PS. Amazon includes your name and address in the package. Not exactly…uh…stealthy.

  9. Pup’s pic added

  10. Jewstin, USPS says your package was delivered on December 12th.

    Check with crazy cat lady. Also check your email.



  11. Thanks Laura! He is the most lovable asshole dog ever!

  12. Got a portable flask (gets by metal detectors!) and a wearable bottle coozie. Packaging was cute too.

    Thanks Santa!

  13. I am going to cut a bitch…..

    (while I comment while wearing my new tiara)

  14. Haha, I neglected to comment on the bonus bottle opener in the bottom of the bottle coozie.


  16. My SS gift ROCKS.

  17. Pic sent. Thanks, Santa who I suspect lives here in CA and enjoys trippy artwork.

  18. Lots more pictures added!

  19. “Jewstin, USPS says your package was delivered on December 12th.
    Check with crazy cat lady”

    Also, if there is a door you don’t use, check that.

    If somebody puts something on my front steps it will be weeks/months before I find it.

  20. We seem to be missing quite a few people for the opening this evening.

    Should I ban them from the blog now, or wait until later?

  21. I received a lawn T-Rex that is eating all the lawn gnomes. Pretty cute, albeit gruesome :)

    It will be great to keep the gnomes out of my tomatoes :)

    Thanks, Carin! (Amazon tipped their hat unknowingly)

  22. Leon, you’re gonna like it. I had a similar pre-freeze cannister ice cream freezer, but not as good quality as yours, and I loved it until it died. Now I’m back with the old fashioned bucket kind, and I like it too, but for different reasons.

  23. My SS went seriously over the top.

    A tiara! A coffee mug! And a t-shirt!!!!

    All reminding me that he/she KNOWS me PERFECTLY!!!

    (other gifts are awesome in the extreme as well. Over the top, SS. Over the top.)

  24. Pupster, you’re welcome. Hopefully you’ll enjoy reading it.

    Picture of my gift sent. I even included my first use of it. Thanks, Secret Satan!

  25. Should I ban them from the blog now, or wait until later?

    if their gifts were packed anything like mine, they’re probably still working through the tape….

  26. If you want to see a bigger pic, right click on an image to open in a new window.

  27. >>>if their gifts were packed anything like mine, they’re probably still working through the tape….

    Well, we Hotsausage Morons do know a thing or two about binding.

  28. Leon’s gift is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!

  29. From the other poat,

    Taylor Swift is cute, but probably crazy. No thanks.

  30. I got a Load HEAT 2016 Calendar, from I have no clue who my SS is, but dang, we could sell that shit!

  31. I am now the proud owner of a bit of Scotland.


  32. Okay, whoever sent CoAlex the sudafed is a genius

  33. I had to explain my gift to my wife. Thanks, SS!

  34. Comment by leoncaruthers on December 20, 2015 9:32 pm
    I had to explain my gift to my wife. Thanks, SS!

    Is she locked in the bathroom sobbing?

  35. Roams, your nic changed?!

  36. My rock came from Green River, Wyoming……hmmmm which one of you fuckers lives in Wyoming? Muchas Gracias, guy who doesn’t own a shirt.

  37. No, she laughed. There’s a reason I married her.

  38. So yeah, Mrs. Pupster is going to the post office tomorrow and getting a refund and the insurance money hopefully.

    GADAMMIT it was fucking perfect and they BLEW IT ALL UP THE BASTARDS!

  39. Is she locked in the bathroom sobbing?

    either that or …. preparing….

    Wiserbride sat in my office with me as I opened my gift.

    Heart rate may have been elevated…….

  40. That T-Rex lawn decoration – want!!

  41. The bullwhips thing in the card was the harder thing to explain.

  42. Holy shit! Thanks DiT! You ARE The Boss.

  43. wiserbride was watching me open the couple of gifts and laughing more and more as I opened each one…..

    and looking at me like I was insane….

    “Why is this funny?”

    “trust me. It’s funny.”

  44. XBrad, I have this a copy of this year’s Perelli Tire Co calendar I’ll trade you for that one.

  45. Chumpster, I captured your pic and added to the poat.

  46. Chump, that’s pretty fucking cool.

  47. So are we going to get to see you in your tiara, wiser?

  48. Sorry I’m a spaz!

    Picture sent to the right place naw.


  49. XBrad, I have this a copy of this year’s Perelli Tire Co calendar I’ll trade you for that one.

    That might actually work…on Rosetta.

  50. Wiser haz tiara?

  51. Wiser is a radio guy. He’s just gonna tell us about it. We don’t get to see it. If he were a TV guy……

  52. Read the card you rat bastard. And Merry Christmas, guy. I wish you and yours the best.

  53. My Texas Trash is like freaking crack – white chocolate covered chex and pretzels coated with cocaine confectioners sugar… mmmm gawd, fat city here I come!

  54. >>>Wiser is a radio guy. He’s just gonna tell us about it. We don’t get to see it. If he were a TV guy……

    Famous uppity fucker now, ain’t he. Pfffft.

  55. So are we going to get to see you in your tiara, wiser?

    I think I sent the pic to the correct addy.

    (wearing the tiara now as I comment.)

  56. Cyn, yer so damn clever!

    We are bloody lucky to have ye.

    Merry Christmas, Window Lickers.

  57. Wiser haz tiara?


  58. Drink from the Hip?!!!


  59. I read the card ya picksticker. And I’ll own a couple more Kindle books in the near future. Thanks and Merry Christmas to you and yours as well.

  60. Thank you, SS!
    “Stand out from the crowd with a genuine title. Own one square foot of land in the grounds of Dunans Castle in Scotland. As a Scottish landowner, use your title of Laird or Lady for life. Enjoy a free tour for two of Dunans Estate and locate your plot of land. Your lairdship will help to restore the castle and grounds.”

    **comments with pinky finger extended**

    **no, not middle finger!**

    Also, I made sure the bacon ornament from a previous SS was in the pic. Mini-me said it’s not a crap tree without bacon. :)

  61. That was sposeda say pig sticker. I don’t know what a picksticker is.

  62. Hah! I love secret Satan.

  63. Wait…. Roamie is now royalty?

    we’re gonna have to step up our game here, considering we now have a Lady of the Realm visiting….

  64. Alba gu bràth!

  65. The picture thingy is farked.

  66. Erin Go Bra-less!

  67. i’m at a loss this year as to who is my SS –
    thanks tho –
    you have me pegged!!!

    great gifts1!1
    thank you – schmuck :)

  68. Lemme see if I can figure out what’s happened, Chumpo

  69. Cyn I sent the pic to you.

  70. Check now

  71. Oh, hey, Brent! I’m waiting on a pic from you.

  72. I got burned in 2 seconds

    Merry Christmas!

  73. It should be there Cyn

  74. Wiser needs to bring his tiara to TiTs2

  75. The tiara should be a must everywhere he goes.

  76. Hey, anytime you want to email that pic to me, Brent, would be great!!

  77. It’s in the rotation up top. Just saw it.

  78. Maybe we ALL get tiara for TiTS2 — LOL!

  79. all fixed.

    Looking good, Wiser!

  80. Thank you to whichever Santa sent me my gift. Very cool.

  81. You’re hallucinating – you should email it again and then text it to me.


  82. Was there a card, bcoch? That was me, BTW.

  83. Roamie, can you hook me up with some tickets to Wimbledon? Maybe get me into the Queen’s box?
    (your whore mouths…..doneventhinkaboutit)

  84. I didn’t see one, but I’ll double check.

  85. You’re not going near The Queen’s Box without a tiara.

  86. HAHAHAHA I’m laughing at the minion with the guitar.. the spongebob bloks

    But I supremely love the field notebooks.. and I will use em.

    Thanks SS

  87. All the pix **should** be in the gallery again – WerdPuss seems to be a fussy bitch about the pix. Shout out if you don’t see yours and I’ll beat this whore with a hammer.

  88. “and I’ll beat this whore with a hammer.”

    Anybody else turned on right now?

  89. the where?

  90. It was supposed to say something about combining dance class and baseball.

  91. Heh. The control arrows are over Wiserbud’s eyes. SPOOKY!

    Mrs. Pupster has determined that the Crown Royal Black shots should continue through the Cardinals/Eagles game.

  92. Sorry Jay. No card. Brown cardboard envelope, shirt wrapped in plastic inside.

  93. Is Mrs Pups coming to Tits 2?I think she’s ohana

  94. Take cover, Pup!!1 There’s gonna be trouble!

  95. Homeruns at Casa de Pupster

  96. It has been another wonderful Secreting Santa and I love you peeps. Thank you for errything. Well mostly errything, that other thing I was able to get a cream for that cleared it right up.

  97. Sorry bout that Cyn

  98. rash too? pass the cream

  99. *rolls barrel of cream toward Dave*


  100. Is Mrs Pups coming to Tits 2?I think she’s ohana

    “Tighten up your chinstraps” as Jim Tressel used to say. Mrs. Pupster is looking forward to TITS2 even more than I am.

  101. lathers

  102. >>>Mrs. Pupster is looking forward to TITS2 even more than I am.


  103. Dave… use more… trust me.

  104. I’ll be there

  105. Maybe you roll that over to BC when you done too

  106. I’m seriously expecting to get the hotel contract back in the next day or so and I’ll put out another email blast with the Sooper Seekrit Code Word to get the killer rate.

  107. You folks have a blast at TITS!


  108. Come on out to the Desert, E. Seaboard!!

    It’s a nice place.

  109. I TRUST YOU

  110. Hey Chumpo, was you the one who sent me that poater? Er, poster?

  111. You should definitely try to make it, Brent. The weather will be awesome here too. Just sell one of the girls – you’ll easily get plane and hotel fare plus some decent run-around money!

  112. I got $1100 for youngest

  113. See – there ya go!


  115. negotiator

  116. Yep. It’s a limited edition. Only ye and Tom Shifty have it so far.
    It’s a classic. I might make one for Cyn because she is The Secret Santa Lady, but don’t tell her.



  119. Bcock, you could probably sell them to Car in.

  120. Thanks Jimbro!!

  121. Comment by Cyn on December 20, 2015 11:00 pm

    Comment by Sean M. on December 20, 2015 11:02 pm


    LOL, That’s some meta shit there, Sean.

  122. Thanks, Chumpo. It’s very cool.

    Now I gotta figure out where I can get it framed. And where I can hang it.

  123. Get a POS frame from Amazon.
    fold it up and jam it in there.

    $5 bucks.

  124. I’ll send a pic of my gift tomorrow – I forgot to take one when I was downstairs (went wedding dress shopping with DD#1 this afternoon, and I’m too tired to move).

    I got a lovely plush Koala that is filled with stuff that can either be heated or cooled to put on sore spots – he has already been put to good use :-)

    Thanks, DW from CA!

  125. also, you’re very welcome. You, Sluggos are a bunch of tards but I’m blessed to share this time with you.

    I only wish I had higher res copies of your various Avatars. More bettah for the funny.

    Stay tuned.

  126. Just got home. Getting ready to open.

    BUSY freakin day. OMG.


  128. My daughter said he “picked a theme and really went with it.” lol

    I’ve got “Fifty Shades of chicken” – the cookbook – and a bunch of chicken related stuff. Chicken wall art. Chicken magnet. Chicken workout towel and drink coaster. Which I am using right now.

  129. The recipes look good but kinda dirty in the directions. lol.

  130. Winner Winner!

  131. Did anybody laugh and laugh when anybody else opened their gift today?

  132. I wanted that Gnome eating dinasour I sent Swifty SO BADLY.

  133. So … xbrad? Sean? SOmeone from California. Guessing from a zip code on the inside?

  134. 1,2,3, not it.

  135. Wasn’t me.

  136. Sigh.

    I’m so late. It was crazy crazy busy today. Plus the “manager” was a hostess so I had to help her. We closed at 9 but I didn’t leave until 11. She had another girl helping her but they made a mess of my drawer and I had to redo it.

  137. GODDANGIT. Who was it? I hate guessing. Why do we have to do this?


  138. Wasn’t me.

  139. The plot thickens.

    Maybe Lips?


  141. Btw…. XL t-shirt???????

    Fuck you, SS

  142. XLs used to seem so big.

  143. Does it fit?

  144. Thanks again, Carin. The T-Rex eyes seem to suck your soul…

  145. MMM will be of a late-morning variety. Bedtime.

  146. ‘Twas me, Car in. Glad you liked everything!

  147. Dreamed I was an Eskimo
    Frozen wind began to blow
    Under my boots ‘n around my toe
    Derp had bit the ground below
    It was a hundred degrees below zero

  148. You’re welcome Dave! Kinda hard to be secret with the postmark on the envelope!

  149. “Comment by wiserbud on December 21, 2015 12:15 am

    Btw…. XL t-shirt???????

    Fuck you, SS”

    should have been a 2XL to make room for the strap on tits from the stage show

  150. This poat is dripping with satanic secretions.

    The family & friends I’m sending goodies to have to wait until after New Year’s to get them.

    I freeze it and send it all when the holiday shipping issues are past.

  151. Was in Lincoln, IL last night and just got home to open.

    Thanks, SS! An airplane and chocolate. Two of my favorite things!

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