From The Desk of The Product and Applications Manger

Sean mentioned this was his favorite Christmas song the other night and I’m right there with him. It’s a Christmas song in the way that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Rosetta has a tattoo of Nakatomi Plaza on his back and he’ll show you if you ask nicely. Ah hell, you’ve all seen it anyway, it’s not a big secret.

Shane MacGowan is quite the character and people either love him or hate him. The female vocal accompaniment is provided by Kirsty MacColl who tragically died in a diving accident in Mexico. (Long article if you’re interested: http://www.alixkirsta.com/articles/kirstymaccoll/ ).

Hate it when I spill my drink

funny-gif-glue-shoes-prank

Santa Fumar

smoking-santa-1

9b141d83a0a591c94c7df9b39f278f80

Hopefully everyone has mailed their Secret Santa packages out since the hours are running out. Soon it will be Christmas time (in the city). Avoid the embarrassment of your designated recipient opening up their mailbox and finding nothing.

goofythor-5a

Heh. Polishing the hammer, indeed. Best euphemism ever.

 

 

258 Comments

  1. Eeeeee a virgini poat. I feel so dirty.

  2. I give this post two and a half elf turds.

  3. Man, you wanna run a two on one fast break on this poat before all the losers get here?

  4. Sure. Throw me the ball, Kareem.

  5. Let me in coach, I wanna play.

  6. wakey wakey

  7. 4-month-old sleep regression is a real thing. I’m not going to make it in by 8, seeing as how I’m still at home waiting for my coffee maker to finish.

  8. Hurry up Juanita!

  9. That wasn’t racist, that’s just what I named my Black&Decker.

    I named my dishwasher Ximena.

  10. Leon names his appliances after telenovela babes. Pretty sure that’s a sin, somehow.
    Laundry?

    “With a twist of her knobs, Carmen filled with warm fluid and settled into a nice rhythm…”

  11. Sure Sure…. and yer waffle iron is named aunt jemima….

  12. And if it looks like we we’re scared to death
    Just a couple of kids just trying save each other
    You should’ve seen it in color….

    My morning ear bug. Anybody else wake up regularly with a song playing in their head? Or is this just my personal symptom of psychosis?

  13. I can’t believe what we’ve seen outside.
    You and me watching the jets go by.

  14. Shouldn’t he have named the coffeemaker Mrs. Olson?

  15. I do like that song up there but it’s not my favorite. So here goes: (as I peruse my collection) …

  16. How’s the new computer?

    Also, xbrad’s link to the power point about the creation of ISIS is really good.

    I’m going to start all of my decks with BLUF from now on.

  17. Jimbro has manger issues.

  18. Vince Guaraldi’s “Greensleeves” – that seriously jams.

  19. the new ‘puter is awesome.

  20. What did you get?

  21. Naming a waffle iron would be silly.

  22. I’m going to start all of my decks with BLUF from now on.

    Proper military style is to put the BLUF slide at the end.

    *twitches* *drinks*

  23. Guys like it when they get their hammer polished.

  24. It’s another iMac. My last one served me well. It’s got a 1.6 GH intel core i5

    I need to name my new puter.
    I’m taking suggestions.

  25. Juanita.

  26. Barack

  27. She doesn’t look like a Juanita.

  28. *bans Hotspur

  29. Harrison Ford can go fuck himself.

  30. What did harrison ford do now? I haven’t been trolling E! or Perez Hilton lately …

  31. Thor.

  32. *nods*

  33. That has a special ring to it …

  34. Favorite Christmas songs continued –

  35. Be a shame to limit it to one appliance. I’ma gonna rename all the things I like to Thor.

    Good morning, Thors.

  36. Well, you drove MCPO away. May as well keep posting videos so he won’t ever come back.

  37. Ok

  38. One last one.

  39. Neat.

  40. Yo-Yo Mom

  41. OH and Wexford Carol with Alison Krauss and Yo-Yo Ma.

  42. And the Cheiftains “Bells of Dublin”.

  43. http://is.gd/9bgxZT

  44. “A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

    He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

    The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”

    “Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

    The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bull-shittin’ me!”
    The social worker said, “Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “

  45. Seems legit.

  46. I’m done entertaining you people.

  47. When did you start?

  48. I should be at work. Instead I’m trying to finish my drawing for class. Luckily the lunch meeting that was schedule has been cancelled, so I don’t have to pick up 20 sandwiches.

  49. You didn’t mention the race of the young man.

  50. For Leon and leon only.

    Kinda cool.

  51. Seems legit

    If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I’d fart.

  52. *mails CA a dead chicken.

  53. Maybe Leon can figure out what it links to.

  54. Linky fixt. It’s a winter coop for chickens which basically makes compost all winter.

  55. *looks at leon’s link

    *flips off Car in

  56. Running a fever today, so I’m home. That also means no Iowa – Iowa State basketball game for me tonight. Boss goes to games.

    F Me.

  57. Jay – if it hasn’t crossed your mind already, you may want to get into your doc ASAP, especially since Mrs. Jay just got over c. diff.

    *dons CDC protocol PPE and radios helicopter to dump 500-gal bucket of Lysol on blog*

  58. Maybe you’ll make a miraculous recovery. He’ll be happy for you.

  59. Haha, not his style. I feel a little better, but that’s the cold medicine talking.

  60. If it hangs on Cyn, I will head in tomorrow. This doesn’t look like what she had, I’m eating like a pig.

  61. Feed a cold, starve a fever?
    Feed a fever, starve a cold?

    I never get that one right, so I eat for both. Donuts. They’re medicinal.

  62. J’ames is a rebel. I don’t know what we should do with him.

    If you can’t even follow basic instructions …

  63. I’m getting stubborn lessons from my dog.

  64. Starve a cold, feed your mom.

  65. It’s a low fever, I had the cold symptoms yesterday without the fever. It’s due to that, should go away tomorrow. I’ve had this a lot.

  66. Sounds more like AIDS with a brain tumor of the prostate.

    You should get that checked.

  67. You can do that at home, right?

  68. It’s easy to remember how it goes it you think about why you get a fever.

    A fever is your body’s way of killing something bad inside your body, like a virus. And it needs fuel to maintain the high heat. So you feed the fever so it can do what it’s trying to do.

    /leon

  69. Nice work, Dr Wiser. Maybe you can be your own guest on the radio.

  70. Drinking a lot of beer helps too.

  71. That’s why there’s alcohol in cold medicine, right?

    *drinks rum

  72. Maybe you can be your own guest on the radio.

    yeah, like I would waste my valuable doctor-time on a show with basically no audience….

  73. Hey, you have your internet listeners!

  74. yeah, the traffic the radio blog gets is hyuuuuuge!

  75. You have, what, 5-6 downloads every week?

    You have a spreadsheet to keep track of the hits?

  76. This is so full of awesome, I want you all to watch it.

    http://www.dineshdsouza.com/news/the-hayride-it-is-unwise-for-leftists-to-challenge-dsouza/

  77. Have you “been with” Charlie Sheen? J’ames?

  78. You have a spreadsheet to keep track of the hits?

    I’m actually using Base, the db program in OpenOffice to handle the traffic.

  79. But Car in, he said he was ok! The sore on his lip was almost healed!

  80. HS, I wanted to punch the old lady cheering him on in the face.

  81. Holy shit, I just got us a screaming good rate from Tempe Mission Palms for the TITS2.

    You check you emails right now!!1!

    Let me know if you didn’t get an email and want to come to the meat-up!

  82. That was good.

    Surprised they let him speak there.

  83. I would have enjoyed seeing the look on her face when Dinesh skull fucked her little proggie pet.

  84. Cyn, what’s the rate?

  85. We’re planning on it.

  86. Not a fan of D’Souza, because he broke the law, knew or should have known he was breaking the law, and knew or should have known that he was an easy target for selective enforcement of the law.

    For a guy that’s really smart, that was really fucking stupid.

  87. $185 + 16.95 hotel fee!!

    They’d be charging us $300 off the street this time of year. Easy.

  88. Cannot wait to see Mrs. ‘Spur again – she’s such a kick!

  89. Will they be doing pool maintenance then?

  90. Fuck you.

  91. LOLOL

  92. Will there be college soccer girls again?

  93. Can we watch Tushar pass out in the street again?

  94. How many others get away with the same thing, xbrad? Not a fan of his actions, but he does many things with conservative politics, and for every other instance he’s pretty clean.

    Just sayin he got caught doing a common thing, and was made an example of.

  95. Good Kitty!

    Fils a dish with Blanc d’Noir and a side of Turkish Delight.

  96. That would be handy if I were ranging the birds rather than literally keeping them couped up. Keeping them anywhere else isn’t really practical unless I build some sort of bare earth greenhouse.

  97. So, do we get a discount, or have to pay a premium to guarantee that Chad is there?

  98. phat is currently frantically rearranging Fedex schedules.

  99. Oh man, that would be hilarious if Chad was there again!

  100. The video Spur linked reminded me of a kid my age that lived up the street from me when I was seven.
    Every time I would see him riding his bike he would flag me down and say “hey, you want to come over?” and I would go over to his house. It wouldn’t be too long before I would suggest that we go back outside and ride bikes again to which he would invariably say “Don’t leave. If you stay I will give you this…” offering me a nice Tonka Truck. Being in need of new toys I would agree to stay, but as kids are I would only stay another ten minutes because now I really wanted to go home and play with my new truck.

    As time went by I accumulated most of the kids toys in this manner but, In a junior version of lend lease I began to return the toys I had been given and no longer wanted. Soon I stopped riding bikes with the kid because I felt weird about being bought off and lost respect for the relationship.

    I did keep the original Tonka truck; however because I liked it.

    The kid in my story did in fact act on his belief that he could buy my friendship and as a result I took advantage of the situation to my own benefit until a feeling of disdain for him pushed me to a realization that his friendship wasn’t really worth anything at all.

    You only value what you earn.

  101. http://is.gd/w0dWjg

  102. But did you find $20?

  103. You only value what you earn.

    You had me at this. What’s all that other stuff?

  104. Who’s doing bbf tomorrow?

    You’re welcome.

  105. The kid I was remembering had a lot in common w the little white apologist in hotspot’s video.

    Those that would proffer giving the oppressed all of the things ensure that no good will will be fostered because of the lack of earning the things in question and the lack of respect for the giver/apologist.

  106. I had a roast in the fridge, it went on the PBC an hour ago. Was going to be for this weekend, but what the hell.

  107. how high is your fever?

  108. By the power of Greyskull, that’s awful, Car in.

  109. Only a couple of degrees, cold medicine knocked it down. I stayed home just to prevent anyone else getting sick. I’m skipping the game, too, same reason.

  110. Elliot might have given you Kennel Cough

  111. He does like to french kiss a little too much.

  112. Stop eating peanut butter and he’ll prolly dial that back a bit. Prolly.

  113. One more reason to like Ted Cruz: Bob Dole hates him.

  114. I’m seriously hoping that Trump is playin’ the whole dang GOP so that, close to the end, he can then say Cruz is our man. I would need to be resuscitated from dying of laughter.

  115. The more Jeb spends, the lower he sinks.

    He’s either an idiot or arrogant.

  116. If it’s a brokered convention do they have to give us one of the front runners?

    Could they give us Jeb?

  117. Idiorrogant.

  118. Heh, I would love for Trump to endorse Cruz. I don’t see it, though.

  119. Nobody knows what Big Boy is going to do.

    He’s the CEO.

  120. I looked it up, no Jeb.

  121. If he stays as popular as he’s been, I’mma say fuckit and go all in for the Trumpster.

    Seriously – Look where being GOP-righteous has gotten us?! Two terms of 0ganja. Neat!

  122. You could have anyone you wanted and it still wouldn’t matter in the long run. System is fubar. Society is pretty well fubar. We ain’t voting our way out of this.

  123. Hey Troy – what part of the country are you in? You interested in a reunion of sorts with the rest of us ne’er-do-wells?

  124. I actually would not be surprised if we ended up with Trump/Cruz.

  125. I hope it’s Cruz, but I’ll vote for any of them except Jeb.

  126. I guess I’ll be finding out soon if I am on a watch list.

  127. * regrets the hate mail sent to Collins and Snowe *

  128. I reside out in the boonies of Central Illinois, small town of about 900 on a good day. Yes I would be interested (and appreciate the thought) , but I wont be able to travel for the near future. (pesky no fly list)

  129. I’m on the fence between Cruz and Trump for a primary vote. I like Ted, but Trump is a nice proxy for my extended middle finger.

  130. sorta what Troy boy said for me except not so doomy/gloomy.

    The system is farcked BUT voting in perspective changing candidates will push the suck in new directions.

    I’d go Trump just for fun. I’d like Her Highness to have lots and lots of time to spend with her grandchildren.

  131. Troy, send me an email to Cyn MsCyn at gstring and I’ll add you to the email list. The meat-up is end of February.

  132. I don’t care for Trump, he is not a conservative.

  133. C’mon Scott, throw caution and your vote to the wind!

  134. It’s a MadHaus!!!

  135. February thing is in Tempe? I Spent a bit of time in Scottsdale, pretty cool place to have a gathering, wish I could make it.

  136. We come to IL too. See ya then.

  137. I would rather piss off the establishment with Cruz, but if it comes down to Trump and a lying bitch, I’ll vote Trump.

  138. L to R: Jeb, GOP establishment

    http://is.gd/rdvsZk

  139. >>>http://is.gd/rdvsZk

    lolol

    SCREEN WIPE!!

  140. snarf1

  141. Yes, I wake up many days with a song in my head.

    Will there be college soccer girls again?

    I’ll be there to take pics of them. You’re welcome.

  142. Interesting. To get on the ballot in a brokered convention you have to win 8 states. DC, Northern Marianas, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands and America Somoa all count as states.

    If Jeb puts all of his resources in these, and adds a few small stupid states like CT, RI, VT he could buy a spot on the ballot. And if it comes down to Trump, Cruz and Jeb the establishment will give us Jeb!

    If that happens I go third party.

  143. Lipps, are you riding ut with us?Hope hope

  144. That’s also why nobody is dropping out. With this many candidates a brokered convention is almost guaranteed, and if you only need 8 states everyone is still in it.

  145. You should run

  146. Anybody else wake up regularly with a song playing in their head?

    Yes, I do…mostly when I’m stressed.

    Or is this just my personal symptom of psychosis?

    Also, yes.

  147. Great moments in parenting: We ran out of wooden matches and when I looked for more matches I discovered a box of strike anywhere matches. I showed Boy #2 the wonders of strike anywhere matches on the under surface of a cabinet while recalling that Arthur C. Clarke quote about technology as his jaw dropped. When he went to light a candle and tried to strike a match on the brick hearth it broke, flew across the room and landed under a bookshelf while igniting. Craziness ensued.

  148. * starts gofundme page *

    * books flight to America Somoa *

  149. *orders up 100,000 buttons for printing: “Vote Scott. Why not?!”*

  150. Say hello to Americano when you’re there

  151. Lipps, are you riding ut with us?Hope hope

    Hahaha Chumpo, I love you, but last year I kept very broadly hinting to Xbrad and Sean that I wanted to ride with them. It became a bit of a running gag over many weeks — impossible to miss.

    So no, I plan on flying again, which is cool because I live very close to LAX. We’ll hang together in AZ and if you get up my way, at Pancho’s. Muah!

  152. There is only about 50,000 people there.
    So roughly 25,000 republicans.

    * orders 13,000 canoes *

  153. Tippycanoe? And Scotty too?

  154. One of our orderlies is Samoan. If you’re funded I’ll ask him to speak with his people and get you some local lingo to use during your meet and greets.

  155. Tippycanoe and brisket too!

  156. Thanks for the shout-out in the poat title Jimbro. The Applications Manger is resting on the shelf below my new plaque, but had not been noticed or commented upon. Yet. I forgot to get a picture, I’ll do it tomalley.

  157. Pics or GTFO.

    (It’s sweet that you’ve not said anything, but I won’t tell anyone any ruin your rep)

  158. That story struck a chord with me Pups. Guy worked hard with all the best intentions and for lack of an “a” the kingdom was lost or something like that. We’ve all been there in some variation or another.

    Also, I want this:

  159. Poor bastard (on so many levels): http://is.gd/g50cav

  160. https://streamable.com/6h21

  161. Show up in Samoa with the PBC and you’ll be looked upon as a god….

  162. Is this the Samoan currency?: http://is.gd/RnARYo

  163. In Samoa, the PBC is a ‘grill for one.’

  164. How did your tests go, Lauraw? Are you on break yet?

  165. http://tinyurl.com/prs37qh

  166. I just saw MJ on a Humera commercial.

  167. Mom!! There’s a cow in the house!!

  168. Still haven’t gotten the grade back on one of the exams, strange because that professor usually posts them an hour after the test. Oh well maybe she’s busy. My last ‘finals’ week is next week.

  169. Shut up, Assface!

  170. I just saw Rosetta on a IBS commercial.

  171. http://tinyurl.com/kqm4qk4

  172. If you had to look at a picture of a pus filled canker or Rosetta’s face let’s be honest we all know what we’d choose.

  173. Monkey who sees a magic tric is excellent, Jam!

  174. Irosetta Bowel Syndrome

  175. HEY FUCK YOU MARE

    oh wait, if Rosetta is here you were obviously talking to him.

  176. Rosie! Looking good, Babycakes!
    http://is.gd/1sjGaS

  177. Hahahahaha, shut up, not yet a real nurse, get your ass studying and making chicken stock!

  178. Pupster, you are the man. And by “man” I mean hilarious.

  179. I’m making meat loaf.

  180. Leon, keep your sexual perversions to yourself.

  181. All the kids are doing it.

  182. I can’t explain why I love that ass-grab gif so much, but I’m going to link it ’till the day I die or find something I like better.

    Mare, you already said you where coming to Tempe so don’t back out now. Tell Mr. Mare it is going to happen. DO IT NOW.

    I’m already committed, it’s Mrs. Pupster’s Christmas present.

  183. If you come to Tempe, this could be you:

    http://is.gd/qhxz2o

  184. “committed”

  185. Pupster, I made this for you: https://streamable.com/9knt.

    No link shorteners, no embedding. Merry Christmas, buddy.

  186. what the fuck is this shit?

  187. Adding a “v” on the end makes imgur gifs smooooooth
    http://i.imgur.com/U0JczUh.gifv
    Happy Hanukkah!

  188. S’hohoho’s!

  189. Leon, keep your sexual perversions to yourself.

    You know, I’m pretty much over those at this point. Eschew the pr0nz long enough and kinky shit just seems silly, if not gross.

  190. ISU comes back from down 20 in the 2nd half to take out Iowa.

  191. My life is awesome.

  192. My life is more awesome, meatloaf’s done.

  193. meatloaf’s done

    Worst euphemism evar.

  194. Also I heard more activity on my possible next job today. Time to get back to cramming on graph databases.

  195. YOU’RE A EUPHEMISM!

  196. mine is broken…have to comment up top then scroll to the bottom. What am I doing wrong?

  197. It’s made from ground beef, sassage, salami, pepperoni, coconut flour, eggs, garlic, onion, oregano, and black peppah, and I baked it covered with marinara sauce. Smells like heaven, or like I married a hawt eyetalian chick who learned how to cook.

  198. It happens to most people.

  199. meatloaf’s done

    http://is.gd/6xsP5O

  200. mine is broken…have to comment up top then scroll to the bottom. What am I doing wrong?

    Are you on the mobile site?

  201. Don’t use the wordpress app. It’s the debbil.

  202. It happens to most people.

    What does? Marrying a hot italian chick?

  203. huh? what should I do? How do I know?

  204. it’s axing me to view full site. Do I do that?

  205. Yes.

  206. this is better

  207. Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

  208. Did anybody demand to fight anybody else for sole possession of the Brony name they both chose today?

  209. killed it as usual

  210. Merry Christmas SoWhat!

  211. Merry Christmas right back at you

  212. Happy Advent.

  213. Merry Christmas Sowhat!!

  214. Apparently the Brony name “Throbbycock” is not so popular. No one challenged me for it.

  215. Go figure!

  216. GO CARDINALS!

  217. I hope the people that kidnapped Sowhat are nice.

  218. They must be if she’s allowed to use a computer for a few minutes a couple times a year.

  219. Sowhat has been gone long enough that she’s due an e inquiry as to her capacity for bullwhips. But I’m not asking. I’m too much of a gentleman. Where’s spur when he’s needed?

  220. I hugged her once.

    I would do it again,

  221. GO CARDINALS!!

  222. Merry Christmas, SoHot!
    Damned glad to read you…

  223. incoming he male, dahling.

  224. It smells like hot pockets and Ben Gay around these parts.

  225. *slips hot pockets into desk drawer nonchalantly*

  226. My arthritis is acting up!

  227. Look at who beat CT douchebag Governor to gun ban for those on no-fly list:

    http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-12-11/connecticut-s-malloy-claims-first-ban-on-no-fly-gun-sales

  228. Gov Krispy Kreme FTW

  229. My gawd, never ceases to amaze me what a shitty state you three live in.

  230. Hot Pockets™ are WAY too expensive for what they are…

  231. Still, tasty little suckers.

  232. Well what a ya know. I’ve got TITS2.

  233. They make miniature sized Hot Pocket treats. Nummy.

  234. YEA CARDINALS!!

  235. TITS2: Return of the Chad

  236. There ya go Lips. I needed that.

    TITS2 Hanging Chad

  237. Hey look what I found in the trash!

    http://tinyurl.com/pvnocwz

  238. Yes, a little hanging chad on the logo as an inside joke!

  239. The “TBoM Growing Up” post is perhaps the funniest thing ever.

    https://crossedtheline.wordpress.com/2009/10/18/tbom-growing-up/

  240. What the everloving fuck was that?!!

  241. If TBoM was a spot on my liver than I would main line the Jager oil and Hairy Tequila till foam shot out my eyes.

  242. There was a time long ago when some people on here got some piss in their vinegar with each other.

    That blog was the result and the whole thing is fucking genius.

    In 1,000 years when aliens review all of the internet blogs ever, they will find that one and shit their alien pants.

    It’s that fucking dumb. And hilarious.

  243. a long time ago I could drink all day and still piss standing up.

  244. Fuck you Chumpo!! If you don’t go to TITS2 meat-up I will hunt you down and kill you.

    If you do go I’ll just kill you there.

    Goodnight brother!

  245. Goodnight.

    Will you be staying w Xbrad or Sean M?

    I’m asking for a friend.

  246. Ha!

  247. Where do all the hippest meet? (Derp Street, Derp Street)
    Where the dancin’ is elite (Derp Street, Derp Street)
    Side by side we’re loose and neat
    When we’re stompin’ down the street
    Hurry down, baby she’s the hippest street in town!

  248. http://tinyurl.com/ng6goks

  249. “Comment by Rosetta on December 11, 2015 12:31 am

    There was a time long ago when some people on here got some piss in their vinegar with each other.”

    wtf happened to this place?

    someone should put up a memorial poat to those who’ve disappeared:
    tbom
    cuffy
    ‘caino
    mesa
    paul
    that crotchety old navy guy
    .
    .
    et al

  250. Soggy Bun Syndrome

  251. ww

  252. no


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