Vajazzle Me

197 Comments

  1. too bad about the monkey

  2. It was his time. Besides, it wasn’t like he was a flying monkey.

  3. Time to drain some MRSA.

    I’ll Thor up the poat a bit before Cyn rolls outta bed.

  4. good luck with the mrsa

  5. don’t use a straw this time

  6. remember to wash your hands before you take a leak

  7. *removes ‘helpful-monkey’ hat and gets ready for work*

  8. The Chocolate Bar Episode of SpongeBob is a good one.

  9. Why do you watch SpongeBob?

    Is it good?

  10. SpongeBob is the cartoon of choice for drug abusers, allegedly.

  11. Spongebob is awesome.

    wakey wakey

  12. Lauraw – I’m going to need your monkeys to deal with Hannah.

    Is it an hourly rental thing or per job?

  13. Happy Cinco de Novermbero!

  14. Comment by leoncaruthers on November 5, 2015 8:19 am

    SpongeBob is the cartoon of choice for drug abusers, allegedly.

    Comment by Car in on November 5, 2015 8:23 am

    Spongebob is awesome.

    Hmm. Running really does produce morphine.

  15. Someone get Car in a new phone charger, stat!

  16. Wow, jam, looks like she wanted some rear end action, and got carried away.

  17. By the way, The Martian is an excellent book, and you are all assigned to read it NAO!

  18. I saw the movie.

    Matt Damon is still an asshole.

  19. Oh, and happy Guy Fawkes day, you Fawkers.

  20. I have the book but Erin is reading it now.

  21. Reading the book, I thought Mark Wahlberg would have been a better choice for Mark Watney.

    But then I rethought it. Ryan Reynolds would have been perfect. Mr Smartass.

  22. day off – so it’s work outside day.

  23. It’s been really nice around here, lately. Probably won’t be a bad day to be outside.

  24. Mowing. MOving dirt. This and that.

  25. Wait, less calories in rice, because of obesity in China and India? I thought it was just us fat Americans.

    Europe doesn’t eat rice, so they are still superior to everyone else, right?

  26. This is the book I”m reading right now. Someone else (here) should read it so we can have highfalutin discussions and shit.

    http://www.amazon.com/Devils-Pleasure-Palace-Critical-Subversion/dp/159403768X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446732867&sr=8-1&keywords=the+pleasure+palace

  27. Can’t you just read Bernie’s book and comply, Car in?

    *opens paste jar

  28. Bernie has a book? Does it have lots of pictures? Is is a coloring book? I hear they make those for adults now.

  29. Bernie is going to beat Hillary.

    I’ll bet anyone $19.50 that he does.

  30. If Bernie beats Hillary … he’d better get a food taster or something. WOuldn’t want him to have an “accident.”

  31. I think you are right, MJ.

    And the GOP will nominate someone worse.

    Damn, out of paste. Now what?

  32. SpongeBob was excellent!

    I have two children that grew up watching it and I’ve laughed out loud.

    The Health Inspector Episode is great and so is The Hash Slinging Slasher. Also, Training Day is cartoons at their best.

  33. My favorite is the one where Spongebob decides to go on strike.

  34. Stoners and winos.

  35. I have been doing the resistant starch thing with rice for ages because it feeds gut flora better that way. Oddly, this also makes for vivid dreams. I’m not the only person who has that experience with it either.

  36. MJ needs his face punched.

  37. Gut flora sounds like what my dog has. Little farter.

  38. Well, yes. But that’s pretty standard these days.

    I always need a good punch in the jimmy.

  39. Leon, do you do the rice deal just as they say to? Add coconut oil to boiling water then let it stay if fridge for 12 hours?

  40. I’m sure leon has far more technical terms for it than that, mare.

  41. So … let me get this straight. Leon’s known about this for how long and he’s never told us?

    I love rice.

    Let’s ban Leon. Maybe for a week for his transgression.

  42. Carin, I do think Leon has mentioned this method (cooking, then cold storage) for potatoes. Don’t remember him mentioning the coconut oil.

  43. All Hail!

    The Sponge!!

  44. leon and MJ in timeout.

  45. Chumpo has children….and a good sense of humor.

  46. But I don’t wanna be in time out.

    *pouts

  47. Yeah, that show rocks.

    But I watched it before I had kids, because as a film maker I would work nights and when I’d wake up it was Maury or Spongebob. I got hooked right away. Weird. That’s like 16 years ago.

    Time flies when your watching cartoons.

  48. Yes, my daughters are soon to be 26 and 23. They still quote stuff from that show.

  49. Maury would rot your brain with the “is he your baby daddy?” bullcrap.

  50. *licks paint in corner

  51. *listens to ‘Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers’

    Perhaps the best name for an album, ever.

  52. Hey, we need more lead paint for MJs room!

  53. Hey, lick boy, while you’re there will you vacuum for me?

  54. The first time Mrs. Pendejo and me went on a cruise with our chillen, Mrs. Pendejo read the pre-cruise literature and told me I needed to take a coat and tie with me cause you couldn’t eat supper in any of the main dining areas without a coat and tie. My exact response was, “Fuck that noise. I’m on vacation which means I’m wearing a tshirt and shorts at all times. I’m not taking a fucking coat nor a fucking tie on vacation.” I didn’t even bring any long pants.

    So every night the wife and two girls got in their fancy Sunday dresses with tights and hose and all that shit and went to have nice meals that would cost $75 per plate on land. I went down to the lounge at the back of the boat and……the only thing I found that was remotely interesting was rice. So I ate about a half gallon of heavily buttered steaming rice every night. Wasn’t bad but I woke myself up with some Howitzer level farts later on each night.

    Other than that, I eat very little rice. I prefer grits.

  55. PD, thank you for that lovely story.

    It’s like Shakespeare or something.

  56. Husband/Father of the fucking year. ^^

  57. hahahaha….Let’s pants PD.

  58. I don’t normally add fat to the rice when cooking it. I add dextrose to make it sticky and then cool it on the counter to room temp, then plop it into the fridge until I need it. Normally I finish it by adding it to the skillet with whatever meat I’m frying it with, sometimes I add butter if the meat is especially lean. Probably not ideal preparation but it’s tasty.

  59. I bet I can get Car in hooked on The National.

    I’ll bet you a plate of fishsticks and a candy bar.

  60. Target says no shipping costs until after Christmas, however, they do have a “handling” cost on large items. Well FU very much.

  61. Is “The National” a band or what you lovingly call your anus?

  62. This costs $40 http://is.gd/USMoAQ

  63. That’s hypnotic.

  64. Band.

    My anus is named Roger. Try to keep up, Mare.

  65. MRSA drained, post updated for Thursday.

    Pass the Blue Emu please

  66. So the left is getting hysterical over the HERO vote in Houston. Best comment ever regarding the whole mess?

    Remember when the only thing you had to worry about in a public restroom was George Michael?

    Innocent times.

  67. MOM, MJ IS TALKING TO HIMSELF AGAIN!!!

  68. THOR BOB!

  69. Heh.

    “And it would definitely not be good for African Americans to have a president who flounders helplessly in office because it would perpetuate the stereotype that blacks can’t be effective CEOs, quarterbacks and leaders.”

    -Kareem Abdul Jabbar on why Carson would be bad for African Americans

    Hoo Boy

  70. Ba haaa haaa haaaaa

  71. Good Lord Chumpo. Imagine if Trump said that? And thank goodness Obama’s not AA.

  72. Yeah, Clinton was the first black president.

    Bill, not Hillary, morans.

  73. By the way, kudos on the music choice. Love that song.

    Car in, do you listen to Hangnail? Scott was wondering.

  74. I refuse to answer what I assume is an inflammatory question. I’m listening the Beck right now.

  75. If only the media had bothered to look into Bozo’s past.

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/05/politics/ben-carson-2016-childhood-violence/index.html

  76. http://thefederalist.com/2015/11/05/guy-fawkes-call-your-office/

  77. Love the Pixies. Their CD’s were in constant rotation in my player for years. They got big fast so I wasn’t able to catch them playing at any of the small clubs in Boston.

  78. Mare, did you know that Fig Newtons can give you epic level farts?

  79. “Mare, did you know that Fig Newtons can give you epic level farts?”

    No, but if you hum a few bars, I bet she can play it.

  80. Soap can be funny: https://dukecannon.com/

  81. http://is.gd/Fr9YZq

  82. From your Soap linky, the best:

    https://dukecannon.com/media/wysiwyg/images/Tampax_resized.png

  83. Jimbro, I love that site.

  84. I’m ordering the Army Strong: Smells like Victory set.

    I hope this site is real. As real as Rosetta’s Eastern European BBF models.

  85. “If you hate ISIS and love America”

    https://dukecannon.com/index.php/army-strong-gift-set

  86. They were selling it on amazon and I just had to look it up to see if it was real. I figure if they sell it on amazon it’s real. Unless I was on the fake Russian amazon….

    Fucking whores!

  87. Fucking whores!

    ———-

    hahahahaha

    Shit, I should have ordered it from Amazon.

  88. Oh look, shamanism masquerading as Christianity. How lovely…

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/11/americas-most-stoned-suburbs.html?mid=full-rss-krang,dailyintel,scienceofus

  89. Gah! I ran out of work 3 weeks ago and worry is starting to set in.

  90. heh, vote to remove a memorial that happens to contain a cross, ignore thousands of people putting crosses in their yards (one anonymous person complained, mind you), do this before election day, and Get Voted out of your City Council Seat.

    This has been news for a while here. Iowa voters know how to vote people out. Remember back when gay marriage was decided in an Iowa Supreme Court decision? They recalled 3 of those judges, and the libs are still butthurt about it.

  91. They may have been voted out, but the memorial will still be moved, and the left will still have won.

  92. A cherished toy from my youth: http://is.gd/jqEGqe

    I’m sure a few pieces are still buried out in the side yard where I used to play and the bulk of it is in a landfill somewhere on the South Shore.

  93. Sorry, Scott. Don’t worry. Something always turns up.

    Come to Michigan. We’ve got work coming out our ears.

  94. Scott’s been not-busy for three weeks? How did this happen?

  95. He said he ran out of work. He didn’t say anything about not being busy.

  96. I am convinced that Germany is officially ruined forever.

    http://is.gd/hkZucX

  97. I shudder to think that we may not be that far behind.

  98. I am actually afraid to click on Scott’s link.

    Merkel
    Obama

    They’ll be remembered as the ruination of their nations.

    No, I really did not try to rhyme that last line.

    Or that one.

  99. Ich Sprechen Si Fahrvegnugen

  100. Something Something Fukkengruuven

  101. Merkel hasn’t been terrible for Germany, has she? I thought she was a step up from the last one.

  102. Not at an Obama level failure, at least.

    Then again, the lightbringer is a big winner for 42% still.

  103. I thought that she was pretty okay too; but then, allowing all these free-loading thieves and rapists and murders into her country…
    bad juju

  104. When do the peasants rise up with torches and pitchforks? Seriously, there has to be some major push back eventually. Once the women/kids start getting assaulted, you’d think the gloves would come off. SMH

  105. Refugee centers in Sweden are supposedly being torched.

  106. Her plan was: aging population, so the money flowing to pensions was going to start reversing. Bring in a bunch of young people to work so you could tax them and voila! problem fixed. Who would have figured a bunch of people from northern Africa wouldn’t have a German work ethic? or German standards of behavior?

  107. I heard those were being torched in protest by the refugees. Brilliant, winter is coming in Sweden, let’s burn our shelter.

  108. What can you expect. Eurotrash have spent the last 50 years voting for Progressive Policies and going discotechs and don’t forget the Shizaplayin. Whoops, forgot to replace themselves with little Europeans?!!
    Uh oh.
    It’s sad, but anyone could have figured that one out. We fuched up too. We shouldn’t have fully funded NATO. That put ’em to sleep.

    Enjoy your new neighbors, Hans und Helga.

  109. She didn’t just allow this to happen, she invited them.

  110. —waiting for Sean’s beard report—

  111. Wild rice is expensive.

  112. Jay, please make this recipe and deliver us a report back.

    http://www.tastingtable.com/entry_detail/chefs_recipes/15378/Morning_Buns.htm

    Thanks

  113. Germany has protests, too. Bigger than Sweden. I think it was Finland that had huge groups stopping the influx of DREAMers.

  114. I like the wild rice mixes for a change up from rice rice. Pretty sure we’ve had this before: http://www.lundberg.com/product/lundberg-wild-blend-rice/

  115. “Wild rice is expensive.”
    not if we press leon into service and demand 80% of the yield – with him paying freight costs

  116. I am the worst daughter ever. I was ignoring my mom’s phone calls, because I just don’t need the negativity. Her partner (?) had to be airlifted to Albuquerque. (I feel weird calling an 80 yr old “boyfriend”) My mom isn’t able to travel. Aortic surgery tomorrow. My mom wants me to go to the hospital and represent. Not gonna happen.

  117. Low calorie rice is nice, but I really need a low carb sourdough bread.

  118. Mmmm…grilled cheese on sourdough with tomato soup. What’s for dinna. Flurries this AM, snow in forecast.

  119. I’m weak for Sourdough myself, Pup.

    That and Tortilla chips are my downfall.
    I could even kick beer… to..the..curb….

    No I cant! I’m sorry beer. Don’t leave me. Youre my fermented malt mistress forev.

    Mr Chumpohydrate.

  120. I have the book but Erin is reading it now.

    http://is.gd/5DZkoJ

  121. I love SB and Patrick, but I really love Pinky & The Brain. I love the Teletubbies too

  122. caution wake turbulence

    http://tinyurl.com/ncod97y

  123. A canadian friend has been posting orgasmic updates on Trudeu’s coronation today.

  124. http://tinyurl.com/pl9lzut

  125. http://foodwithfinkel.com/tag/bread/

  126. Sourdough bread bowls are my fav. Had a Boudin bowl in ’76. Sam’s Club has Panera sourdough bread bowls this holiday season. Mmmm…sourdough bread bowls.

  127. MaryAnn booted Hank the Bear out of her doghouse. She has become pretty whiny. We are adjusting to her new personality.

  128. Sounds like MaryAnn needs a puppy.

  129. What does it mean to “feed” the sourdough?

  130. We watched one episode of Spongebob, and I hated his laugh so much, I banned it in the house. Until…
    Mr. RFH and I both had the flu, and two-year-old Rocketboy did not. Anything that would keep the human dynamo entertained and out of trouble was a winner, and that included endless mindless TV with Spongebob.
    Favorite episode is the boating school class with Patrick.

  131. Favorite episode is the boating school class with Patrick.

    ——-

    Loved it.

  132. Lauraw, nope. No more crazy puppies!!! If MA gets lonely, she’ll get a senior rescue. It is like getting to know a new dog even though she’s 12.

  133. I can’t compete with the busybodies like Leon and Car in, but I did trim a bunch of branches out of the tree in my front yard today. May not be the best time of the year to do it, but I don’t really give a fuck. I’m tired of the birds shitting on my automobiles.

  134. Morning Buns

    That looks tasty. It will be tried.

  135. Morning Breakfast Buns Friday

  136. It’s the best time around here.

  137. Pups, feeding sourdough is this thing you do where you have this live bubbly sourdough culture alive in a jar of flour/water media, and you periodically add more water and flour to it, and stir it. Giving the wee beasties more real estate and fuel, basically.

    I keep my culture barely alive in a canning jar in the fridge, so I do this about once or twice a month or whenever I remember I want to make bread again. I have forgotten about my culture in the back of the fridge for a few months and still managed to revive it after a couple days of feedings at room temperature.

    Some people keep a sourdough culture alive-alive, instead of in a state of deprivation like mine, so they treat their culture like a pet and feed their culture every couple days or so and make bread almost daily. These people are what we call, hugely fat.

  138. Sourdough pizza dough would be a thing. Plus there’s the opportunity to make 300+ pounds of dough at a time.

  139. *feeding my starter right now. Bread baking time this weekend. It’s been too long.

  140. http://is.gd/y4tp39

  141. Oh. Kay.

  142. Pups, do you still have questions? Understanding sourdough is a thing. Took me a while to get it.

    Basically, you’re keeping a pile of bacteria and fungus alive in a jar of flour/water paste indefinitely, or for a few months or years. Every once in a while, when you’re ready to make bread, you take the jar out, scoop out most of your culture, and breed it in a bigger bowl with more flour and water at room temperature for a few hours or until you have enough bubbly action to rise a loaf of bread or a recipe of rolls.

    The remainder you left in the jar, you just feed and put back in the fridge.

    Repeat.

  143. Instead of separating it, I usually just revive the whole batch, then scoop out a little of the livened stuff to put in a new canning jar. Then I feed it and set it back in the fridge. I think it keeps a bit longer, freshly energized and fed.

  144. Craving sourdough pancakes. H8 you guys

  145. I’m making some pancakes this weekend. These.

  146. Leon, good link for diabetic. THX. Didn’t notice allergens.

  147. They aren’t low carb, really, I eat them on carb days with some apple butter or maple syrup.

  148. Nothing allergen. Sent link to Dan AKA I miss pancakes and french toast, but mainly french toast.

  149. Fiber over 5 get to deduct from total carb. Good mojo.

  150. They are also quite tasty.

  151. WalMart sourdough is sour. Makes yummy sammich.

  152. Crap, I haven’t eaten dinner yet.

    Skip it or cook?

  153. Every day is carb day.

  154. False. Saturday is carb day.

  155. Sourdough pretzels are the base of the food pyramid.

  156. Also false. The base of the food pyramid is beef and pork.

  157. Beer is the progenitor of all breads.

    If Eye could only make a
    Sammich out of it.

  158. Beer is liquid bread. I love bread. Mmm…beer.

  159. Sourdough pretzels, hmmm.

  160. We have to travel to get sourdough pretzels. Dan traveled SW to KC. Came home with carry on full of sourdough pretzels. Refuses to share. 25 years of marriage and I don’t rate sourdough pretzels?

  161. Billy was airlifted to ABQ. Surgery is next Tuesday? Great. Guess where I’m spending my off time? With the guy my mom divorced my dad to be with. Creepy close hugger. Pray for me. I needz it.

  162. http://www.northwestsourdough.com/discover/?p=1540

    Yep, will try this too. Substituting beer for some of the water, too.

  163. UTZ ships.

  164. I cooked. Chorizo and eggs and cheddar with some hot salsa.

  165. I cooked a 2 pound pork roast(dry rubbed) and wild rice…

  166. Ok, mostly I just let this shit blow by me, but this is “Not Cool”™

    http://cdrsalamander.blogspot.com/

  167. Joey+Rory are my favorite country duo. Joey has Stage 4 cancer. Went to Home Depot to shop for a new dishwasher….Angel dachshund that looks like Ginger. Tears are part of me. (Magazine vendor related to 4 yr old road rage victim.Stories)

  168. When a war breaks out
    It’ll be no surprise
    Your unforgettable derp
    Your unforgettable lies

  169. oy!!

  170. Wakey wakey boobies.

  171. CUt my lawn ALLLLL the way to the road. Ran 2 miles then crossfit. I was asleep by 9:30.

  172. And by “cut” I mean with one of those walking mowers. Our riding broke a few months back so we have to cut it all with a push jobbie.

    COFFEE’S READY

  173. Oooh, coffee.

    Nervously watching the weather. While I’d like it to stay clear so they can do the $&@#&^@$ work on the house, I’d also like this stormfront to move through already and not threaten the pumpkin chunkin’.

  174. WTF just happened on ESPN SportsCenter?

  175. Talking heads were talking, and I didn’t see what happened, but one of the guys just collapsed onto the floor, the other guy said “Call 911!” and they cut away.

  176. You tell me Roamy. Tvs not on in this house.

  177. Hope that guy’s okay.

  178. CRAZY STORM just blew through.

  179. OH goodness.

  180. Storm is here now.

  181. Comment by Car in on November 6, 2015 6:37 am

    CUt my lawn ALLLLL the way to the road.
    ========
    Don’t you have kids? They can be forced to do this type of thing. Theoretically, anyway.

  182. What’s broken on the riding mower?

  183. There’s apparently a lot wrong with the riding mower. It’s about 18 years old for starters. I think the belt broke and TSS isn’t stocking it any more this season.

  184. My computer is so old it takes forever to do anything. Ugh. And GOD FORBID I try to accomplish two tasks at once.

  185. Laptop or desktop? How old?

  186. Is it plugged in?

  187. New, more exciting post.

  188. You know there are a lot of really big people that think they have an eating disorder.

    It’s totally strange.


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