Fun Football Factoids!

As summer’s heat begins to wane (except for here, where it’s expected to be over 100 degrees this week) and a chill creeps into the air, it is time once again for America’s Game! No, not that one–The Footballs!

Now, you can just watch the game, or you can quit being such a fat, worthless, fat fucking pantload and learn some shit about it. Here are a few facts I’ve gleaned about this fascinating subject:

1.) At least one person here looooves him some New York Giants, but did you know they weren’t always a football team? It’s true! The Giants once called New York’s Polo Grounds home, and due to the venue’s rules, they had to suit up on horseback.

geebung-at-coronado-1
Pictured: The early days of football

After several opponents complained about the Giants’ controversial “trample the fuck out of the quarterback” defense, they switched over to being a football team. Here’s one of their star players from those early days:

nygiants

Running Back Cornelius “Professional Football Player” O’Shaughnessy had seven Hat Tricks in 1922!

The Giants would later move to San Francisco, where they became the 49ers.

II) Although the earliest origins of football are lost to the sands of time, much of the game we know today was invented on the fly by Indiana University art teacher/football coach Knute Rockwell.

reaganrockne

Rockwell, taking a break from painting the cover of the first issue of Swank magazine

Rockwell invented such plays as the Forward Pass, the Superbowl Shuffle, the Poop-On-A-Stick, the Skyhook, and the Liquored-Up Stepdad. As a side note, his grandson wrote this song, which he performed in Knute’s honor during the halftime at Superbowl LXIX.

π) Devotees of the game are known as “football fans,” and this term is likely derived from their fanatical devotion to their teams, often dressing up in garish team-themed costumes.

brony
A Denver Broncos “fan”

Another slang term you may be familiar with is “pigskin.” While today’s footballs are actually made of space-age polymers, the original balls were fashioned out of, well, this…

Helen-Thomas
Sorry

Well, that about wraps it up for our journey of discovery into football lore. I hope you enjoyed it. And if not, you can go fuck yourself.

102 Comments

  1. Can’t wait!

  2. I’m on my iPad and magnified the header pic. There’s an entry behind the bush at the end of the walkway that’s hard to see otherwise.

  3. You can always tell how successful your simple “get off my lawn” joke has been when people are talking about the fucking walkway the next day.

  4. That lawn seems a little intense to me. My boss returned his Dyson because it didn’t leave lines on the carpet. Dude vacuums every day. His OCD is the reason our Club always looks pretty good. He makes me look normal.

  5. Can we talk about the bush instead?

  6. Just caught up on comments. Glad Señora Carruthers and Lil Possum are ok.

  7. Today was one of those heavy lifting days. I’m exhausted. One guy made his son help him load the air hockey table. He was kind of sexist about it. Not ageist. So, OK

  8. Liquored-Up Stepdad

    ——

    Hahahahahaha, that’s a good play.

  9. Yeah, it was really scary. It happened once before, but that was on day 2 or 3 and the missus’s legs were still really weak. No harm then either, but we thought it was just her coming off the epidural and recovering from the birth.

    We started at “we need to move everything from downstairs to upstairs and up to down” or “if we’re going to move that much we may as well move everything to a ranch-style house”.

    The second handrail is the compromise.

  10. There was a 15 second period when we considered moving to Arizona.

  11. Scary.

  12. If you move to AZ, please bring the muddler. Better late than never.

  13. If I tell Carin I’m moving out of the state, she might finally come visit me.

  14. In honor of this excellent poat, MMM will be of the late-morning variety.

  15. Should I feel bad about that?

    Nah.

  16. I don’t H8 the Astros, Jays, Rangers, or Bucs. I’m really hoping for an exciting September. ⚾️

  17. You missed saying you don’t hate the Cardinals, oso.

  18. I don’t know how many seasons of Hell on Wheels there are, but I haven’t left the house in two days. On the upside I haven’t spent a cent.

  19. That’s how I did Breaking Bad.

    I think Brewfan suggested Hell on Wheels. I haven’t gotten to it yet.

  20. Dodgers, Cards, Mets. Kill me nao!

  21. Binge watching is my favorite. Then I has major sadz.

  22. I ben waitin all day for Sunday Night.

  23. Football starts Thursday.

    Here is a short film about baseball http://is.gd/eRczXi

  24. I know, Cyn. And I made this poat just for you.

  25. Football started yesterday, scot.

  26. College doesn’t count.

  27. Just because the only school in your state is just a giant basketball court doesn’t make college football any less important for everybody else.

  28. Scott is too funny. We’re talking baseball and Scott’s talking baseball.

  29. Chick basketball court

  30. Three more days.

  31. I picked this up today, it is seasoning in my backyard right now:

    http://is.gd/7FZ9jW

    Steaks tomorrow. Oh yes.

  32. Yay!

  33. I ain’t clicking no baseball crap. MOOOOM some freak is posting as Scott again!

  34. >> And I made this poat just for you.

    Cyn <3's Shawn

  35. don’t recognize that one, pups, what is it?

  36. “features out the wazoo” No thanks!

  37. Dan’s gay boss and her pregnant husband are moving home to MN in 8 days.

  38. Cyn <3's Shawn

    I’ma let that one slide.

  39. I hope they like grilled food.

  40. Tanks; I was on my phablet at the time. Fuggin autocucumber.

  41. “features out the wazoo” No thanks!

    http://is.gd/Y88mtb

    http://is.gd/ZSTWIs

  42. VERY weird mashup of films from Pulp Fiction to Terminator to Star Wars to Collateral to Blade…

    http://tinyurl.com/nbfrqte

  43. OSO loves Pups. Can’t stop laughing.

  44. Did anybody find out that anybody else’s so-called “war wounds” were actually suffered during a botched convenience store robbery today?

  45. If you would, please say a prayer for the friend I mentioned a while back – his wife passed peacefully this morning after a five-year journey with Frontal Temporal Dementia.

  46. Seanm this is an excellent poat. And I’m not being facetious this time.

    This is for the Michigan cult, no one else read:

    According to the map, I was within about three miles of entering Michigan this morning and I DID NOT GO THERE. I could’ve gotten Michigan off my bucket list and chose not to. There’s always next year.

  47. You got ’em TiF

  48. Prayers, TiFW. MiL thinks she needs to get into a safe place. That was yesterday. D and I are taking her to lunch tomorrow. Dementia sucks.

  49. You in Indiana, PG? Whereabouts?

  50. PG, we got a Lions game off our Bucket List before I knew any of youse existed. Barry Sanders.

  51. People are still shopping practically nekkid. Meh. I have seen so much bad ink this summer, I was like WTF? Whatev. I have seen more BS Mickey Mouse tats in 2 days, I’m like What the ever loving fuck? How do you mess up a Mickey? Art 101

  52. Thanks, pg. And I’ve been to Michigan. It’s nice enough if you like that sort of thing.

  53. I know you were wondering: AZ Cardinals beat the Broncos.

  54. That guy from the π section is probably super bummed.

  55. YAY! It was on FOXAZ but we were watching baseball.

  56. Any day the Donkeys lose is a good one.

  57. I may be scarce for a little bit. My Aunt Maria’s toe amputation has pissed Dan off and he’s getting all up in my grill about shit.

  58. Gotta take care of yourself, oso. Just do it.

    *shakes parental finger of doom!

  59. It’ll be tough. My pinky toes have never been all that.

  60. I drove, with some foikin friends, from Chicago to Southbend yesterday to watch tu get the shit kicked out of them by ND. Then we drove back this morning. I’d already made visits to Indiana and Illinois when I was in college so I added not a single state to my list. Funniest thing about the whole trip was a young Italian cabbie calling Rahm a foickin shake down artist while driving us to the airport. He was the highlight of the trip.

  61. At least you had cabbie highlight

  62. There’s an entry behind the bush at the end of the walkway that’s hard to see otherwise.

    They should probably trim that bush if it’s hard to see the entryway. This isn’t the 70s!

  63. Dan loves you and wants you to be happy and healthy.

    Well, healthy, anyway.

  64. For real, Oso. Most cabbies I’ve had in big cities are some version of arab or indian (sorry Tushar) who don’t speak English and don’t want to talk to the fat white dude anyway. This guy was a solid Ital-American and very fucking talkative and very entertaining. His story about hauling some gay bikers in assless chaps to a meatup was hostageworthy.

  65. My cousin passed away in ’07. Pancreatic cancer. Devastating. His widow started dating this year. Newly engaged. Very happy for Stella. Really missing Joseph.

  66. All the cabbies I’ve ridden with recently are Achmed or Mohammed.

  67. You drove right by my hometown, PG.

  68. There’s no way I drove by Chandler. Not this time.

  69. Chandler killed it. As expected. White privilege and shit.

  70. Ha ha, no; it was on your left as you headed to SoufBend from Chicago: home of Jaymar-Ruby and the state prison.

  71. I heard Chandler in the Friends Janice voice

    *shivers

  72. I missed Jaymar=Ruby and shit.

  73. Baby I’m yours
    And I’ll be yours until derp and derp is three
    Yours until the mountain crumbles to the sea
    In other words, until eternity

  74. Dead?

    Peeling tomatoes before canning: yes or no? What about cherry toms?

  75. Yeah, peel them.
    I’ve never canned cherry tomatoes. They’re really a fresh-eating thing anyway, right? Maybe dry those into tomato leather, I wouldn’t waste jars on them.

  76. I stand corrected. http://foodinjars.com/2011/08/five-ways-to-preserve-small-tomatoes/

  77. I may just eat the cherries, then. Peeling the romas will be torture enough.

  78. Also, I have to clean my entire kitchen now just to make room to do this and the pepper canning.

  79. Technically, I’m pickling the peppers, because I don’t have a pressure canner, but they’re still going in jars.

  80. Well, I watched all 4 seasons of Hell on Wheels on Netflix ( no more left). It’s a sunny ( and friggen hot) day here , I guess I’ll have to go out side and do things normal people do. Like Oso said, I have a sad.

  81. Damn it, I forgot it was a holiday. Maybe I’ll do some cleaning…..nawwwwww.

  82. Day 15 of 27 days not seeing my husband. Boooooooooo.

  83. This may or may not be a sausage fest. You won’t know until one of you meats (sic) me.

  84. Come on, I may not know a lot about canning but I’ll show you Miley Cyrus’s tits.

  85. Fine, you people have forced me to work out.

    *just got sudden dread that you guys are on the MMM theead*

  86. I just emptied and then filled the dishwasher. I need to clean and organize my office in a bit, feed the horses, clean the litter in the coop, then this afternoon I need to install the railing.

  87. I haven’t done MMM yet. I guess I could do that while I drink coffee #2.

  88. Oh thank goodness, I thought I was wandering into crazy cat lady territory.

    But I do need to work out right now, there is a big cloud out there an d I need it to be as cool as possible.

    TTFN.

  89. Not too bad today. A nice breeze out on the balcony.

  90. Put your pants on.

  91. Wakey wakey. Work again. Laboring all Labor Day weekend.

  92. I make it a point to work on Labor Day and not get paid for it.

    Eff the commies.

  93. I worked for about 5 hours on Saturday for pay. The guys in the tower got triple-time for the day.

  94. Football in not America’s game. Baseball is.

  95. Well move to Ohio then.
    I’m tired of doing all the thinking around here.

    *****

    Bahaaa haa

    This is why I heart pupster

  96. By yesterday around 6:30 I just pretty much hated people.

    I rallied at 8:30 because I had some nice bar guests.

  97. I worked all Saturday for very little pay. Does that count?

  98. I need to see if my mom still has a canner anywhere, or any of my aunts.

    I know my mom had a water-bath canner at one point, but that’s only good for high-acid foods.

  99. Mare and Mr. Mare sexting:

    Mare: Where’s the extension cord?

    Mr. Mare: Is that a euphemism?

    Mare: No damn it, I need the extension cord.

    Mr. Mare: Upper right cabinet.

  100. Mare: Where’s your dick?

    Mr. Mare: Is that a euphemism?

    Mare: Yes.


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