Do You Like to Wear Hats?

There was a time when both men and women regularly wore hats. As a kid I remember some older men wearing hats but over the years they’ve faded away. I didn’t play baseball as a kid and I sure as hell would have looked like a tool walking around with a football helmet on so I wore bandanas when I worked in the yard, hiked and went running. After I discovered that there were hat sizes courtesy of the US Army I was finally able to buy a fitted Red Sox cap which I promptly lost in a topless Jeep on 495 heading back from Cape Cod.

Probably the only hats I see nowadays are the ubiquitous baseball hat and, in the winter, stocking caps for warmth. Folks in the Midwest and Texas are used to seeing people wearing cowboy hats. In New England, if you wear a cowboy hat and are not riding a horse (or Mare) at the same time, you are a douche.

The whole reason I’m thinking of hats is an image I saw while surfing the internet. It is Lena Olin, kneeling over a mirror wearing lingerie and a man’s hat. It is from a scene in a movie based on the book “The Unbearable Lightness of Being“. I read the book on the recommendation of a girl who gave me a great hummer after I broke off my engagement with another girl. I figured it was the least I could do. Anyway, I totally forget what the book is about but remember it was an okay read.

This image ended up on the wall in the men’s room at a bar called Ralph’s in Worcester, MA along with hundreds of other random clippings from magazines that were used for wallpaper by someone who liked decorating bathrooms. Someone had written, with ballpoint pen, “I fucked her titz (sic)” and signed it Fitz. During the 10 years I lived in that town I’d say I went to Ralph’s about 100 times and drank between 200-300 pints of beer there. Over that time the IfuckedhertitzFitz girl greeted me every time I drained my bladder. Who knows, maybe she still greets drunkards to this day.


  1. Excellent poat, Jimbro!

  2. Thanks Pepe.

    I realized I left an important hat off: Jimmy Hat

  3. Young guys at work have been wearing fedoras.

  4. I wear an ivy cap.

  5. Good morning.

  6. Comment by osoloco11 on August 22, 2015 9:03 am
    Young guys at work have been wearing fedoras.

    Unless they’re also wearing a suit and tie… no. Just… no.

  7. The fedora is now a signal for evangelical atheism.

  8. Also other bad things:

  9. I wear an unmarked, soft ballcap to work in the yard in the non-winter. Winter necessitates one of my stocking hats.

  10. Time to go outside and weed for a while. And by “weed” I mean cut down trees. And weed, but mostly cut down trees.

  11. The fedora is now a signal for evangelical atheism.

    How the fuck did that happen?

    Also other bad things:

    Jesus tittyfucking Christ.

  12. I remember when ladies wore hats and gloves to fly on an airliner.

  13. The first time I flew we all dressed in our Sunday clothes before going to the airport in Omaha. Everybody else looked like the Wal-Mart greeter might have turned them away.

  14. My sister is a fundraiser for St. Joseph’s Hospital in Orange County, CA.

    She had a donor that pledged $100,000 dollars.

    They paid.

    In cash!

  15. Thirty-five years ago, Mr. TiFW made an honest woman of me:

  16. other hats:



  19. Kudos to you guys, TiFW.


  21. Happy 35th TiFW. My best to Paul. He’s a great guy.

  22. Spent time talking to my cute neighbor. Too bad I’m moving. Also, that she’s a lesbian.

  23. I still prefer to fly in a suit. It’s much more comfortable than jeans. At the very least, I’ll wear slacks and a polo shirt.

  24. It bothers me that “sombrero” in spanish just means “hat”. It’s as annoying as “salsa” just meaning “sauce”. Do messicans say “pasa la salsa” when they are asking you to pass the alfredo?


  25. If only we had a personal fountain of information on day to day messican life.

    If only.

  26. That would be so helpful. Too bad we don’t. Just that white chick out in New Messico who doesn’t speak esspanyol.

  27. I don’t like to do anything in a suit, limits mobility too much. Cargo pants and a t-shirt for me.

  28. If your suit limits mobility, then you’re wearing an ill-fitting suit.

  29. I’ve had them tailored to no avail. Can’t raise my arms, can’t squat to depth to tie shoes, nada. Suits are ill-fitting by design for my body type.

  30. Happy Anniversary, Teresa and Paul!

  31. I have worn a very wide straw cowboy hat for 20 years (see PoL). I’m bringing it to New England. I don’t care because I’m in a war w the sun.

  32. A straw cowboy hat is acceptable anywhere if worn with a blue sequined thong while holding a beer.

  33. Have we met? It’s like you were sitting right next to me.

  34. Sitting on the patio at Shakespeare’s and watching Mr. Chumpo work his magic on the waitresses will be a fond memory for years.

  35. If the neighbors complain, tell them that they can’t just stop looking at your front yard.

  36. Let’s re-create the Magic, X!!!

    I gotta go up to N. CA for a bit but let’s hit The 29 Palms Inn this fall.

  37. Happy 35th TiFWs.

  38. Hey! I’ve heard more spanish than english today. Makes me cranky. I get smothered green chile cheeseburgers for dinner. So there’s that.

  39. Is alfredo a “salsa”?

  40. First time I had salsa was in TX. New Mexican food at my grammo’s didn’t have an equivalent.

  41. You’re failing us, Oso. Failing…

    Put Dan on the blog. He’ll know the answer.

  42. Where are you headed in New England, Chumpo?

  43. Spandex abuse. It is a crime. People. We have to have a public discussion about this.

    Today I bore witness to a feat of astounding capacity and elasticity. The same piece of supernatural material was able to tightly encapsulate both a 4-inch wide ankle and a 4-foot wide ass at the same time. The engineers of this stretchy fabric should either be canonized, or hurled into a volcano.

    Jury is out

  44. I just finished building a very sexy crate for a grandfather clock.

  45. Pics or it diin’t happen.

  46. I hope Cyn’s talking about the crate, and not the spandex weapon of ass destruction.

  47. I’m curious; do these ladies walk up to a mirror in the morning, look at how the conformation of every single cheese curd on their body is precisely delineated with petal-thin fabric that might as well be greasepaint, and say, “Yes. Good. This is a good look. I will now go outdoors where others can see this.”

    Is this really how this shit goes down?

  48. Oh yeah–the crate.

    Otherwise… {{shudders}}

  49. Hey everybody, check out my sessay new spand–whuh…

    *reads upthread*

    *backs out slowly*

  50. I just built the parts today, assembly is Monday. It’s for a pretty cool clock that was built in England around 1760.

  51. Pack it in Spandex for safety.

  52. Where’s it going? Domestic or overseas?

  53. Laura, I think it’s more likely that they just don’t care.

  54. Arkansas to another, much younger, family member.

  55. Lauraw was at Sam’s Club today?

  56. Is this really how this shit goes down?

    The mindthoughts and soulpatterns of the hambeast are as alien to me as they are to you, but spandex is not to blame. It is merely a tool. It can be used for good:

  57. We called cream/milk based sauces “Gravy”. Papas con gravy. Spanglish. Chile caribe in my family was a chile verde pico de gallo. Chile. Chile con carne. Chile con queso. I’m New Messican not Messican. Chihuahuenses in my family ate more sopas and fish. We ate a lot of lamb, mutton, goat, and beef. We eat more flour than corn tortillas. Sopaipillas are a staple.

  58. Ace retweeted this last night. Pretty funny.

  59. Mare’s husband made a movie?


  61. Rita is one of our Greeters. She calls the spandex wimmens: cochinas. Especially the ones that don’t wear underpants. Rita draws on her eyebrows. She was ready to take on a chola that was mad-dogging her. Rita is 68.

  62. Carnes y vegetales, por favor. No pan, no frijoles, no arroz.

  63. XB just linked the wimmen that can and should wear leggings. What I see, is the opposite of that. I understand fat-shaming. Blah blah blah. I see wimmen in Daisy Dukes that have no business wearing Daisy Dukes. I would argue size 10 and under. I see wimmen that can’t even shop Lane Bryant in DDs.

  64. Calabacitas for Leon. Quelites, no frijoles.

  65. When fat women wear spandex, they self shame.

  66. Ginger’s ear infection only cost $189. Vet can’t clean her teeth, until her allergies and ear infection is clear. Guesstimate for teeth cleaning, tumor removal, and 2 extractions is $1045. The tumor doesn’t bother her. I just figure if she’s under, we may as well take care of her tumor. Gingy’s is external. Looks ugly. MAs tumors just make her lumpy.

  67. Rita sounds pretty cool.

  68. I just turned down a free big, sugary iced mocha drink.

    WHO THE HELL AM I??!!!

  69. Rita is very cool. First time I heard her say “Fupa”, I died laughing. I taught her “Gunt”.

  70. I just turned down a free big, sugary iced mocha drink.

    Are you me?

  71. CoAlex, fedora guys are skinny jeans and tight tees. Fedora girls wear mens dress shirts and Catholic school girl skirts. Piercings and tats ruin the look. My HR turns 50 this month. Looks older than me. Has a tramp stamp that is illegible and lip and ear holes where piercings used to be.

  72. Lemme see…do I like, um, “handsome women”?


    Not you, leon.

  73. Oso,

    Fedora guys are losers. Fedora girls sound ok, except for the piercings and tattoos.

    I don’t understand why a beautiful woman would ruin her body with massive numbers of tattoos. Or by gauging her ears.

  74. Listen, I don’t mean to fat-shame.

    The problem is that spandex ass-showing gets so much more obscene, the bigger the ass gets. You could see everything, she was hiding nothing. Might as well be naked. Frankly, even most of the fit women should wear a long shirt over that stuff. Some leggings seem to cover stuff / preserve modesty better than others.

  75. Fedora girls wear mens dress shirts and Catholic school girl skirts.

    Oh, oh my…

    Piercings and tats ruin the look.

    And just like that you’ve lost me.

  76. Lauraw saw London and France. And fupa

  77. Laura, modesty is a word absent from the modern lexicon aside from churchgoing wimmens.

  78. I can’t wear hats, visors, caps, masks, etc. I have a hard time wearing glasses. Slight problem with claustrophobia. It is funny, not funny.

  79. Leon, Scott will sometimes remark to me how young professional women are dressed in their place of business as ‘looking like hookers.’ I tell him that nowadays those girls believe that they are ‘dressed nice.’

  80. They have no idea what dressing nice looks like. Derp. I’m wearing a dress

  81. There are some hookers working at my new office, but most of the young women appear to understand how to dress. They’re engineers, though, so they are cut from different cloth than most.

  82. I H8 the shoes.

  83. Why are there hookers working at your office? Do you work for Ice T?

  84. Young men don’t know how to dress either. It’s bad on both sides.


    I always felt so bad for that character. She was 100% right and suffered anyhow.

  86. I had a patient’s mother complain about the MA who put her in the room recently. Her scrub pants were too low. She is relatively new and happens to be a big girl. No way was I going to tell her but I didn’t want to involve the office manager. I had my nurse talk to her.


  87. CoAlex, si.

  88. I would lament the way people dress for work, but I’m currently here wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

  89. If I had complete control over a school, seniors would be required to take home ec and would have to take lessons on proper dress and etiquette. Also, a class on the US legal system. Not the constitution, but the day to day aspects. Things like wills and trusts, what to do if you’re arrested, the basics of what a contract is, etc.

  90. Jimbro, best thing about working at Sam’s: Full time without leadership. Conversations about hygiene, clothing, and demeanor are no longer on my plate. WooHoo!

  91. Why are there hookers working at your office? Do you work for Ice T?

    Sadly, no. I didn’t make it past the phone interview at T inc.

    There are women who dress like they are ready to be in the opening scene of a movie XBrad is currently pirating, is what I should say.

  92. CoAlex is funny.

  93. There are women who dress like they are ready to be in the opening scene of a movie XBrad is currently pirating, is what I should say.

    Huh. I’ve never worked in an office where people wore strap-ons to work.

  94. True story (Drink!)

    In basic training, there were about ten of us, in a platoon of sixty, who were going to OCS. The OCS guys were generally older (mid-twenties to mid-thirties), with some life experience. The night before we took our graduation picture, myself and two other OCS bound recruits spent two hours tying neckties for the other recruits. Most of them had never worn a tie before, or only wore clip-ons.

    I also refused to wear a clip-on bowtie with my dress blues. Wore an out of regulation bow tie until I could find a real one that was within regs.

  95. Huh. I’ve never worked in an office where people wore strap-ons to work.

    That’s only in the San Francisco branch. In Leon’s branch they all have giant hoop earrings, five-inch heel shoes, and tramp stamps.

  96. I’m trying to get a cow-orker past the Lowered Expectations phase of dating. MAD TV’d/

  97. CoAlex, when I met Dan, retail was all dress and ties. Suits even. I spent more on pantyhose as a Target Exec than I earned hourly based on my salaried hours. I miss suit and tie Dan. He dresses well. Not my NCO dad well. But Perry Ellis sexy.

  98. That’s only in the San Francisco branch. In Leon’s branch they all have giant hoop earrings, five-inch heel shoes, and tramp stamps.

    Seriously. This is Dearborn we’re talking about. Strapons are for the hipsters over in Ann Arbor.


    I always felt so bad for that character. She was 100% right and suffered anyhow.

    I never understood how they squared that circle. How they made the absolutely correct and righteous character ‘evil.’ And we all went along with it.


  100. Ok, I’ll ask, what film is that clip from?

  101. Her poor husband, too. He didn’t acquit himself perfectly, but I can’t imagine watching that happen to my wife.

    They did basically the same thing to the wife character in Devil’s Advocate, fortunately she was the tragic casualty in that story.

  102. Witches of Eastwick?

  103. Oso,

    My college job was working at Foley’s (later Macy’s). Suit and tie. Some people couldn’t understand that and didn’t last long. I like suits and ties, even if I don’t wear them much anymore. When I was looking at places to go on midtour leave from Afghanistan, I considered London just to go suit shopping.

    I really need to get my ass back in the gym and lose the extra weight. Then, shopping trip.

  104. Yes, Witches of Eastwick. Which despite all, is a movie I would watch over and over, because Jack Nicholson, the horny little devil.

  105. Cher and Susan Sarandon ruin it for me.

    They should have just cast Michelle Pfeifer 3 times.

  106. CoAl, I miss Foley’s. Part of me loves tees and jeans. Dan is so adorbs in a suit. His physique is made for a suit.

  107. Hilariously they covered up Pfeiffer’s young body with unflattering, boxy 80’s clothes, undoubtedly to avoid showing up those other two who were quite older.

  108. Good tailoring hides the beer gut. Best looking guys at a funeral: Dan and my cousin in Marine Dress.

  109. Pfeiffer’s skin in Ladyhawke!!!! Le sigh. Most romantic movie EVER!!!!

  110. Oso, indeed. Most guys look better in a suit. It hides the little flaws. Most women look good in professional dress as well. Or even just a well-fitted dress. That’s the purpose of clothing, and people generally understood this throughout history. Unfortunately nowadays no one cares. Girls go out to the clubs in hoochie skirts, while their boyfriends tag along in cargo shorts and a t-shirt and a scraggly beard.

  111. Pfeiffer’s skin in Ladyhawke!!!!

    Isabeau! And Rutger was a total badass in that flick.

  112. Did anybody tell anybody else that their collection of fingernail clippings from each of the country’s Secretaries of Agriculture while certainly unique probably wouldn’t make it on camera during Antiques Roadshow today?

  113. We have 13 Amigos. Obese woman on Amigo: It is slowing down. I need a new one. Me: Let me see what’s available. Hey, any electric carts up front? (Crickets). Nothing up front. You may have to walk. OW: I need a cart to shop. Me: There are no carts. I can’t take a cart away from someone in use for you. OW: This is BS!(Member complaint. Took 40 minutes to get fatty a cart)

  114. Oso, you should make Dan wear a suit to Sam’s sometime, just to show him off.

    Of course, you may have to cut a bitch or three to keep them back, and then the store will be down cashiers.

  115. while their boyfriends tag along in cargo shorts and a t-shirt and a scraggly beard.

    Hey now, it’s not scraggly. I wasn’t at a club, though.

  116. Dan has Western suit coats, too. Looks yummy with bolos. I’ve had to get Latina with bank tellers and female cashiers.



  118. Czech woman I work with says : Hoars!

  119. Dan gets uncomfortable with attention. I get cray cray Latina. His buddies that hit the young girls available in retail, think I’m crazy. Dan telegraphs when he’s being hit on.

  120. Dan is being a sizest. GN. Work comes early in the AM.

  121. I think Laura is right. We live in a world of narcissists who think they look good crammed into a sheet of latex and who expect the rest of humanity to compliment them for being a collosal lard-ass. Let it burn.

  122. Even when skinny, I am modest.

  123. At my office here in Houston dress is very conservative. No one wears short sleeve shirts or tennis shoes (except on Fridays) Ties are normal but not required unless meeting with a client. I have never seen a woman wearing anything sexier than a turtle neck sweater. I do love sweater puppies.

  124. I have not worn a suit since being the best man at my best friend’s wedding. That was nearly three years ago.

  125. Rocketboy safety delivered back to college.

    Funniest moment: We killed some time watching Family Guy on Netflix, the two-parter where Brian is a drug-sniffing dog, ends up in rehab, then goes to LA to become a writer and director. Rocketboy had seen this one before and left the room in the middle of the 2nd part where Brian finds out that he’s been hired to direct a porno with Jenna Jameson. I figured since he’d seen it, he didn’t want to watch anything embarrassing with his mom. No, he leaves the room and waits to come back in just as Jenna is moaning and says loudly, “Mother, just WHAT are you watching on the computer!!!”

    Next generation Hostage. Can’t smack ’em if you’re laughing too hard.

  126. Well, I thought it was funny until it killed the poat.

  127. I blew up the poat.

  128. Check out my Twitters (@morelikeregular). I had some fun with a lefty from Salon this evening.

  129. //

  130. Go over there, turn on the lights
    All the lights
    Come back here, stand on that chair
    Get up woman, that’s right
    Raise your arms up in the air
    And now derp ’em

  131. I was kinda watching that. FOX NEWS BAD!!!!

  132. Wow, that’s like countless discussions I have with my friends, about Faux.

  133. Morning.


  135. Morning.

    Almost time to get ready for work. Stalling. Should probably water the potted plants outside before I go. Meh.

  136. **sends excess rain to CT**

  137. Made zucchini noodles yesterday. Texture was right on. Didn’t miss the pasta.

  138. We could use it this year, Roamy! So sick of watering. I don’t recall a season like this, ever. Just watering almost every day.

  139. OK, time to get ready for work.
    *gets up with a groan*

    You all have a delightful and restful Sunday.

  140. Water is covering my road in a couple of places. It’s not impassable yet, but it’s a mess.

  141. I can’t watch Fox, too far to the left.

  142. *Sends Roamy a fishing pole*

  143. You all have a delightful and restful Sunday.

    I’m going to spend the afternoon finishing what I started yesterday: pushing the forest back 3′ and piling the wood for a fall bonfire.

    I’m thinking about adding a melon patch to the yard between the driveway and the woods.

  144. Funny story, Roamie. My son and I have the same sense of humor, Penelope just rolls her eyes.

    We can always use more rain, as long as you have some to spare. 😉

  145. Leon, the other day you mentioned cutting cattails. Do you have a lake/swampy area? I have a seasonal stream at the lower north end of my lot and there’s a bunch down there that don’t seem to get too out of control. A friend just borrowed my tractor to dig some out of his pond. He’s getting his backyard ready for his oldest daughter’s outdoor wedding in September. It’s not a big ass tractor and I’m dreading the phone call that it’s underwater.

  146. I have a shared pond, Jimbro. They aren’t too bad at the start of the year, but they get extremely tall and block our view of major portions of the yard, and the cover they provide give shelter to wild animals. I don’t mind the frogs, but raccoons seem to nest in there and that’s no good.

    I managed to get them entirely gone the year we had the drought because I was able to burn all around the shore of the pond, but the seeds ride on waterfowl legs and we got them again. I may or may not get out there today with the machete.

  147. I honestly hate the pond, it’s a giant waste of space in the yard, but it theoretically helps prevent flooding.

  148. At the other end of my property there is a big cluster of Japanese knotweed. It borders my neighbor who is meticulous about his yard. I’ve given him the OK to use whatever means he wants to control it if it gets too close to the fence line where I mow a 6 foot strip. When I have my fields bush hogged it’s gone for one season and then returns like it never was cut down.

  149. Yeah, the cattails are like that. I could spend hours controlling them but they’ll come back no matter what. Chickens won’t eat them, and I have enough green matter in my compost heap already. I’d be cutting them down to cut them down.

  150. I rather like cattails.

  151. Is Car in still vomiting from the fun?

  152. I am setting the bar very low today.

    Clock parts and a coffee table, that is it.

  153. I hope I feel better than yesterday. Sinus infection has me dizzy as hell.

  154. We’re having some serious drama here. It’s a very long story that is way too long to tell in a single comment. It involves Paula’s ex who has bipolar disorder and is normally an alright guy. He has been manic for months now and not making good decisions. He’s managed to alienate most of the people in his life.

    Examples include: marrying the mother of a woman he slept with, buying two new trucks, a new boat and new phones. He’s talking about buying a camp right down the road. The woman he married quit her job, liquidated her retirement funds to finance all this.

    This will not end well.

  155. No one seeks treatment for mania. Only after the crash.

  156. Hey, on the plus side, he’s got new trucks, a boat and phones!

  157. I’m finishing the pot o’ coffee I made this morning, then I’m going to go outside and do yard work until the thunderstorm starts. Then I’ll have breakfast.

  158. What you really need to do is take some Lil Possum pics and share here!

  159. I own 3 Fedoras, a Stetson and about 25 ballcaps. Bald guys need hats.

  160. People with hair do not understand the pain of a scalpular sunburn.

  161. I watched a movie today called Snowpiercer. It was quite good up to the train wreck of an ending. Apparently poley bears are the heroes of the story. Fuck Hollywood.

  162. Netflix has been pushing that on me for months.

  163. It wasn’t a complete waste of time because I baked a cake at the time. But seriously. What a fucking wasteland.

  164. It’s a cheap mire of inadequacy. I don’t hate Hollywood for pushing a message. I hate them for doing it in such a tawdry fashion. The clever have died.

  165. New post.

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