1. WINNER!

  2. This fucking thing is dead before it even takes flight.

  3. Cyn, how are the contacts today?

  4. If anyone sees tears in your eyes, tell them it’s because you haven’t seen your pal Hotspur in almost a year.

  5. My eyes aren’t loving contact right now either. the 14 hours I leave them is apparently a bad thing. Mine are progressive too (that’s with the bifocal thing right? )

  6. Have I told y’all how much I hate people today?

    Faceass friend shared the meme about Davy Crockett saying they have no right to appropriate a dollar of the public money….for charity.

    First comment – “What a load of shite – They have a DUTY to allocate the public purse to help the less fortunate.”

    Can someone please show me in all of our founding documents and our founders writings where it says that?

  7. Maybe you should get conservative lenses, then.

  8. I haven’t put them in yet – I have some documents that I really need to get done (if possible) but I set a goal time for insertion at 0900 HRS.

    Yeah, progressives are the bifocal thing; mine are “tri” to cover driving, computer, and reading.

  9. beasn, that’s in the good and plenty clause, duh.

  10. what’s the difference between bi and tri?


  11. There is a Safeway here that has a Women’s Aisle. On one side are the feminine hygiene products and baby stuff. The other side is the ice cream freezers.

  12. Jewstin, how are you and your piggehs doing?

  13. All is well Beasn. I swapped today and Friday. I hope Cletus isn’t doing unspeakable things to my piggies.

  14. GO!


  15. Is Elder Beasn okay?

  16. Holy Tess Munster! I bet she was a candidate for a BBF to get the H2 citizenry enraged.

  17. I’m doing BBF tomorrow.

  18. I’m doing BBF tomorrow.


  19. I’m doing BBF tomorrow.

  20. Tess Munster is the end product of subsidized grain production, fat acceptance, and third-wave feminism bound into a single, gigantic, repulsive package.

  21. She’s basically the incarnation of tumblr.

  22. Mutherfuckingcockshit ow.

  23. I mean, my contacts are in.

  24. Thanks Jewstin, yes, elder beasn-n-law appears to be doing a tad better. He was given breathing treatments, some steroids or whatnot, and sent home. He actually called for a doctor’s appt and the Dr. told him to go to the ER.

    I hope Cletus doesn’t abuse the piggies either.

  25. I’d hit it.

  26. Hey PG – how are things with your dad?

  27. leon, speaking of packages, have you checked your front porch?

    I’ll understand if you wind up burying it in the yard.



  28. Comment by wiserbud on August 20, 2015 12:14 pm
    I’m doing BBF tomorrow.



  29. Comment by leoncaruthers on August 20, 2015 12:28 pm
    Tess Munster is the end product of subsidized grain production, fat acceptance, and third-wave feminism bound into a single, gigantic, repulsive package.


    Nailed it. Not her, but it.

  30. I’d hit it.

    With a truck.

  31. You’d fuck up your truck.

  32. It’s not a very nice truck.

  33. Rhmes w truck

  34. I don’t know if this is true but I love the picture:

  35. Oh, the deal is, the dog came out of the burning house where his owner had abandoned him, and took the kitten with him.

  36. Oui

  37. That dog makes me miss Pupster even more.

  38. Holy moly is Munster a keeper or what

  39. Ce chien est sorti

    French for Tastes sorta like Chicken

  40. pupster will be back when he gets to vote for Stuart Smalley.

  41. **must not make obvious H2 level joke about eating a little pussy**

  42. Let it out X.

  43. 2 hours of yardwork today. I’m worn the fuck out.

  44. I’m worn out just hearing about your 2 hours of yardwork.

  45. No packages yesterday, beasn. I’m still in Dearborn, so there could easily be one at the house.

  46. Any spiders?

  47. Some, but no black widows. Saw a few preying mantis.

  48. The black widows saw you.

  49. Has anyone pointed out that Shepard Smith is a high-falutin’ making-wearin’ hair-dyin’ douche lately?

  50. Lately?

  51. Manti

  52. what’s the difference between bi and tri?

    For girls?

    Bi – College

    Tri – Grad School.

  53. bi: curios

    tri: shepard

  54. bi: H2

    tri: IB

  55. haahahahasghsgahagsgah

    no shiz

  56. What’s the weather like out there in late sept, Kitten?

  57. It starts to gets really nice, but October being a winner.

  58. Late Sept, high 90’s
    Early October, low 90’s

  59. I could work for 2 hours in my yard and wope myself out and still have it be barely noticeable. Just mowing takes 3.

    I may machete the cattails this weekend. That’s going to be at least a few hours and will probably result in at least 2 blisters. If I tackle the manure in the pasture as well I can probably forget about the gym this weekend.

  60. I gotta go out and look at some property east of Tucson one of these days.

  61. Tuck son? Wha?

  62. You’d better lemme know when you’re headed this way.
    oR ElsE!!1!

  63. oh yes. I’ll probably stay in PHX. Whata ya know about Bisbee?

  64. Never give up on your dreams, Jay

  65. Cyn, in response to your 12:52 question.

    Dad passed last Friday and we buried him Tuesday. He was ready. He was six weeks shy of 81 and two weeks shy of his and mom’s sixtieth anniversary. Mom is handling it better than us kids, but she’s the one who has been witness to the most of his suffering over the past six months.

  66. Who wants to come to Charlotte? I have a comfy spare room, lots of booze, and GND makes a wicked brunch.

  67. PG, you have my condolences.

  68. I’m so very sorry for your loss, PG. {{hugs}}

  69. Sorry to hear that, PG.

  70. Sorry, Buddy.

  71. Missed all the past comments about your Dad, PD.

    Very sorry for you loss. Really glad your Mom is doing okay, it sounds as though she’s relieved his suffering is over.

    At least 60 years together. That’s something right there.

  72. Sorry bud.

  73. Sounds like my mom. She’s a rock.

  74. Kinda like Hotspur’s mom, though. She’s like Plymouth rock, in that all the Pilgrims touched her.

  75. Sorry about your Dad, PG.

  76. So sorry for your loss, PG.

  77. No packages yesterday, beasn. I’m still in Dearborn, so there could easily be one at the house.

    Tracking has it on what I hope is your front porch.

    Give Cordelia squishes from her H2 Aunties.

  78. Some damn idiot at work crossed a plumbing line somewhere, and now the toilets are being filled with hot water. I thought someone was playing a prank with dry ice when I saw steam wafting gently out of the commode.

    Commented to a co-worker that we can get our vajayjays steamed for free while some Hollywood type has to shell out a couple of hundred bucks. She never heard of it. I did advise her to look it up at home, as I can only imagine what the IT dept. would think.

  79. Steamed clams, mmmm.

  80. Shucks, sorry to hear that, PG.

  81. Tonight we’ll be serving smoked bacon-wrapped chicken boobs.

  82. **hugs PG** Sorry for your loss.

  83. I like boobs.

  84. Commented to a co-worker that we can get our vajayjays steamed for free while some Hollywood type has to shell out a couple of hundred bucks.


    hhaahah…good one, Roamy.

  85. PG, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad earlier this month and had the wake and funeral soon after. Same story: mom feeling that his suffering was over, kids hardest hit. He had spent the past few years in an Alzheimer’s unit with frontotemporal dementia which is a variant of dementia. In my rational mind I know that his passing represented an end to his suffering but when I looked at him in the coffin it was tough. My mom brought a lot of photo books to the wake that I hadn’t seen in years. Hard to look at yourself as a kid sitting on your dad’s knee at Christmas and not lose it. Don’t get me going on the piper outside the church playing Danny Boy which my dad sang all the time when we were kids.

  86. I like clams

  87. Tracking has it on what I hope is your front porch.

    Found it. Only USPS is still dumb enough to put boxes out front. Could have been there since yesterday and I wouldn’t have known. I can’t see the front porch well from the driveway and we never use that door.

    Thank you very much, it is all lovely. Benny immediately wanted to kill the critter. He’s such a good dog. I’ll have to make sure he can’t get to it.

  88. Well heck. I’ll get the scotch.

    I’m sure your father was a good man, Jimebro.

  89. Sorry about your dad, Pendejo.

  90. Who wants to come to Charlotte? I have a comfy spare room, lots of booze, and GND makes a wicked brunch.

    Man, I wish.

  91. Sorry about your Dad, Jimbro.

  92. MJ, is there a word for a cocktail that isn’t sweet? Would you just call that “dry”?

    Also, I made a gin and tonic with a cucumber slice. Is that a thing or am I just a crazy person?

  93. No, Leon, that means your gay.

  94. Sorry for you too, Jimbro. That’s how my grandpa went. Unless I’m lucky and the diet and baby aspirin doesn’t stop it, it’s how I’ll go too in about 40 years.

  95. Man, Jimbro, the Danny Boy scene kind of choked me up.

  96. I’ll think of you when I raise a glass of single malt to my dad Mr Chumpo. My good friend, dirty stinking liberal that he is, also lost both his parents this summer. Nowadays we’re so busy we only see each other twice a year at a medical conference. We plan to buy glasses of the best scotch at the bar for a toast to our parents. He is the guy who introduced me to the liquid known as “scotch”.

  97. This was on sale and I was tempted but didn’t pull the trigger so to speak:

    I don’t need to add another caliber and don’t get to the range enough with what I own as it is. Still, looks very cool!

  98. PG, Jimbro – my condolences

  99. jimebro – the 464 is kind of interesting. 30-30 rounds are everywhere in the northeast, so in case of zombie apocalypse, we can scavenge rounds readily.

    i think that the model ’94 (in 30-30) was even used in WW1… (xb can correct me on that one if i’m wrong) it’s a decent round and the lever guns are user friendly

  100. Paula’s dad hunts whitetails with a 30-30. And he’s good at it too!

  101. this is my next firearm purchase:

    the zombie haha not withstanding, the compact nature of this rig is appealing

  102. I like Jindal too, Leon.

  103. I’d move to Charlotte, but it’s
    1) East of the Mississippi
    b) Hot and humid

  104. You get used to the humidity.

    I’ve never lived west, and likely won’t unless I buy some obscene amount of land to live on.

  105. Wyoming has obscene amounts of land. Plus obscene winters. Win-win!

  106. Those Kel-tec shotties are an interesting design. That’s one I’d like to handle before a purchase. They are hard to keep in stock I’ve heard which I suppose is an endorsement of sorts.

    I think the zombie thing is almost played out as far as firearm manufacturers. I just picked up a bunch of MTM .30 caliber size ammo cases that had a zombie logo for half price. If it bothers me I can cover it up with black contact paper.

  107. I’m used to hard winters, I think I’d actually like Wyoming.

  108. So very sorry to read of your loss too, Jimbro.

    It’s been a hella year for losses, dammit.

    Imma pour me a scotch now for your dads – my mom loved a Glenlivet now and again too and our house always had a bottle.

  109. When I was driving around this morning Glenn Beck was playing the audio of the latest PP video and I had to turn it off. I felt physically ill in the pit of my stomach. When I turned it on I made sure to turn to Deflategate news.

  110. Sorry, PG.

  111. Cyn: Slàinte !!

  112. Jimbro, the PP videos are killing me. Only on 7. I dread each release. PPs response to Tuesday: One person, one incident, no video.

  113. Teresa Tomeo was playing it on Catholic Connection. I had to switch it too. I don’t know what kind of monster can just do that every day.

  114. Oso, I’m having a hard time with them too. When the last one came out, I had to shut down for the day.

  115. Dang, sorry for your loss too, Jimbro.

  116. Drip drip drip Tell me again why we need a GOPe majority, when we can’t even defund PP? I work Saturday, so won’t be able to protest PP

  117. MJ, is there a word for a cocktail that isn’t sweet? Would you just call that “dry”?
    Also, I made a gin and tonic with a cucumber slice. Is that a thing or am I just a crazy person?
    I’m not sure there’s really a term. I just call them ‘not sweet’.

    Cucumber and gin is a classic. But you’re still a crazy person.

  118. ” I felt physically ill in the pit of my stomach.”

    me too –

    i’m turning into a damn pussy… if i reflect on this abomination for more than a few seconds i start to tear up


    Jesus got her before you got your dirty paws on her. I’ve never heard of this.

  120. She’s pretty. Good for her, but I have to admit that it’s a shame she never found a nice man to settle down with and raise a family.

  121. Did anybody find it suspicious that anybody else’s price structure was measured in “briefcases full of cash” instead of specific dollar amounts today?

  122. little jamette and i put our garden in late this year –
    just picked our first batch of beans and had them for dinner

    dragon tongue

  123. Thanks all. It is hard to say goodbye to the guy who has been the corner post in your fence for fifty plus years. Pepe will understand the metaphor being that he’s a rancher and shit. I’m ok now but I was pretty turned in there for a couple of days.

  124. Leon, give Cordelia some extra hugs and kisses from the H2 tonight.

  125. I nominate “Possum” as Cordie’s new name on the interwebs.

  126. I nominate “Possum” as Cordie’s new name on the interwebs.


  127. jam, those look like alien turds.

    But good on you for growing them!

  128. Earlier today, Dan texted me that the dishes in the dishwasher were clean. I was like, ok. I guess I was supposed to figure out that was passive-aggressive speak for EMPTY THE FUCKING DISHWASHER! Le sigh. I need a hubby decoder. 😉😜😘

  129. I am usually the one telling Mr. Beasn they are clean because I’m too lazy to empty it.

    If he wanted you to empty it, he should have just said so. You’ve got better things to do than decipher code.

  130. I’ve never heard of this.

    It’s not common. Most nuns come to it like most monks: desperately tired of the world and moved by faith to walk a different path. Rare indeed is the untouched and untainted – having little for which to repent – who seeks such a life.

    Li’l Possum is fussy tonight. I roasted a chicken for her mom and it’s going to be room temp before she gets to eat any.

  131. for carin only

  132. Cucumber and gin is a classic. But you’re still a crazy person.

    Good to know. And I should have guessed that.

  133. Awww…Lil Possum.

  134. Beasn, Dan is insane. He washes everything before it ever goes into the dishwasher. I was banned from dishes early on. I would put dirty dishes in the dishwsher without washing. Gasp!

  135. 1 homemade pita left, some bacon, tomato, lettuce…


  136. I have a cousin that became a monk after Iwo Jima. He was the only one in his platoon to survive, and he went to a monastery in Utah. Been there ever since, came back last summer for a visit.

  137. He also did missionary work in Uganda, and has fascinating stories about it. Idi Amin is an asshole of the first order.

  138. Which monastery, Jay?

  139. Pretty sure my earlier 12% humidity comment is in the ether. Current humidity:9%

  140. ” Idi Amin is an asshole of the first order.”

    i worked with a guy who barely escaped with his life during amin’s rise to power…

    his stories are fascinating too

  141. 55% humidity and falling. It’ll be all the way down to 50% tomorrow.

    I better take a canteen with me so I don’t dry out.

  142. College roomie’s Dad was in Uganda in the early 80’s. Her mom lived with us. Uganda was too crazy with the AIDS at the time. They finally were able to go in ’84.

  143. Condolences to both PG and Jimbro for your losses. Losing your dad is tough. Good on both of you for having them as long as you did, but damn that end of life shit can suck.

    As bad as it was losing my dad when he was only 53, watching them suffer like yours did has to be much, much worse.

    *raises a silent toast to dads everywhere.

  144. And just so you all know, as good as Scott and Laura’s recipes sound, they taste astronomically better.

    Envy me.

  145. Oso, not sure what monastery, but it’s in the mountains around Salt Lake City. I’ll have to look it up.

  146. Current humidity is 45%, right by the dehumidifier.

  147. I’ve had brisket, it’s pretty good.

  148. Wiser gets meat from the W’s!!!! I hope they only had Bud Lime.

  149. Raises glass for Dad’s!

  150. Crap! Dads. Delete apostrophe

  151. I was a little disappointed with the chicken. I don’t know if it was the jaccard, or the fact that the breasts were so freaking big.

    We’ll suffer through it and figure it out.

  152. Looks legit.

  153. North Carolina

  154. “Lil’ Possum”. I like it.

  155. My dad suffered from gastro-intestinal distress pretty badly over the last six months. Constipation, constipation, constipation, explosive diarrhea. Repeat. Last month or so he suffered pretty vicious abdominal cramping. They did a scope from both ends and some ultra-sound and found nothing out of the ordinary. My theory is that his digestive system just quit working. Everybody dies of something, he died of a set of intestines that just gave it up. He weighed 215 – 225 all of his adult life and 185 as little as a month ago. My older brother and I put him on the scale the day before we put him in the hospital, which was about 5 days before he died and he weighed 164. Wasn’t getting much nutrition there at the end.

  156. new for play station 4 & xbox:

  157. I’m digging your soundcloud link, Jam

  158. Cause of death for my FiL was esophageal cancer. We didn’t know. All we knew was his rehab for broken collarbone wasn’t going well. I baled on Dan this week. I just couldn’t spend my day off with his Mom. Dan ordered her new washer on line. He sucks. I thought we were going to be appliance shopping with her. I’m a rotten person

  159. gross

  160. Pure fucking genius.

  161. ExJon is genious. His bro is a Moron, too.

  162. Genius. WTF? I’m barely buzzed.

  163. Talked to my dad tonight (because I know he won’t be there forever), and he was furious. Someone called asking for Mom, and Mom’s been gone 6 years. I can kind of understand one or two years, but not this long.

    He had his gallbladder out last week and got the staples out yesterday. He said he complained to the nurse about the itchiness of his chest/belly hair growing back in. She told him he should keep it all shaved off then it wouldn’t itch. Dad and I had a good long laugh at the thought of him manscaping, followed by more beauty tips such as product in what’s left of his hair and a mani/pedi. The call ended on a good note.

  164. Roamy, glad you checked in. Thinking of you. And manscaping Dad. 😘

  165. Ha ha!

  166. Guy I used to ride with is now about 87.
    Legs and ankles are shot so he bought a Can Am Spyder, so it won’t tip over on him.
    He called me and asked me to help him set-up this new computer his daughter bought him.
    I figured he was gonna want me to migrate his shit from his current Win-7 to the new machine.
    His “New Computer” is a LG one-piece (monitor is the computer. no fans, no disc, no printer-port) running “Chrome OS”. He’s keeping his Win-7 machine and wants to add this machine.
    He’s on Centurytel DSL, and has no router.
    I hook-up the new machine and it’s like “No Network Access”.
    Well, Duh.
    He does not understand that he has DSL, no router, and therefore single-point access.
    I try to esplain and he’s like “my daughter bought this for me. Can you make it work”?
    Ran down to Staples(closest, not an endorsement) and got a wireless Linksys router and a Logitech wireless keyboard/mouse bundle(he hates the wires!!!).
    Hooked that shit all up, got the Google machine on-line with his new wireless network(FBI_Surveillance_van), and asked him;
    Now what? What is going to accomplish? What is it for?
    He has no idea.
    His daughter set-up four of these machines for the two sisters, mom, and dad, so they could Skype!
    I turned it off. His daughter is gonna be up next week-end and show Dad what he can do with it.
    I just might drop by.
    She bought this for dad because he’s old, and Windows is hard.
    I don’t even know her and her dad has been using Windows just fine for the last 15 years, but I just might want to punch her in the face.
    I hate computers and have been working with them 1967, when they had vacuum tubes.
    The whole damned day shot in the ass.
    While I was participating in this Goat Fuck, Anita was canning 14 pints of corn by herself. I hate that. (TL/DNR)

  167. Cyn, were you able to hang just a lil bit longer with the contacts?

  168. Sorry for the “Wall Of Text”, I’m just pissed…

  169. ChrisP with the TL; DR. Anita had pepper pics on FB.

  170. Wiserbud I poated that hours ago. Hours!

  171. Only 14 pints?

  172. My mom is being the biggest pita post operation. Ptl my sister is stuck with dealing with it. I had to do a lot of unmentionable stuff dealing with my dad, but if I ask/told him he needed to do something – he complied.

  173. You know/ like eat.

    My mom is seriously arguing with my sister that a frappaccino from Starbucks counts as a meal.

  174. Chris
    Win 10 has caused me to buy a Mac. I have an iPod, then when I saw how evil google was an iPhone. Dear me I am becoming a hipster! Who’d a thunk?

  175. Hotspur?

  176. Scott,
    The pressure canner does 7 at a time.
    The rest of the corn may go to the food bank…

  177. Car in, when my dad was dumped on Dan and I, I told everyone that my mom was on them. Her creepy boyfriend takes good care of her. His 5 kids love her. I’m in the clear

  178. My mom used to beat me like a drum. I was taking care of her when she broke her ankle. I kept forgetting to test water temps when I was bathing her. Oops.

  179. Youngest brother was supposed to help last week with our dad, since I had my hands full. MIA, the twerp. Stepmom and friends from church helped.

  180. Roamy, did you erupt? Dan is keeping me away from SiL.

  181. That’s a negative on the contacts, Oso: I got two hours in this morning but had to take them out so I could work–tear, tear, blink, see what I’m writing, ad nauseam.

    So I popped ’em back in this afternoon, well one of them in anyway, but the other of them got suction-stuck in the lower corner of my eye and wouldn’t budge. Yay. My contacts teacher sent me home without a plunger because I was such a rock star yesterday. Neat.

    So… I had to drive to the eye doc’s this afternoon with one contact in and making me tear-up like a mofo, while the other contact was practically making my eye bleedout.


    TL;DR: Contact are de debbil but dammit I’m gonna lasso these sonsabitches.

  182. Dad said that he apologized and to leave it at that. I honestly didn’t think he would show up, but Dad did, so I’m more pissed at my brother for getting Dad’s hopes up than for lying.

  183. Your brother needs a really good wedgie.

  184. I liked your naughty librarian glasses. Fuck contacts.

  185. I still like them too; just getting tired of them sliding down my nose during my naughty librarian pole dancing routines.

  186. I’ll wave to Beasn, Rosetta, and perhaps Phat and Eddie on my way to Rolla tomorrow. Squishy hugs and good night!

  187. So I wait and in a while
    I will see my true love smile
    She may come, I know not when
    When she does, I’ll derp

  188. Wake the fuck up.


  190. New post

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