MMM 168: It’s not really Spring yet, so we wait

Drove across southern Michigan on Sunday to see Grandma for her 94th birthday, and on the way back it was through a rather awful sleet storm with high winds. I’m pretty sure I’m going to die on I-94 someday. Also it’s still Winter, because global warming.

I want to…

Man, it must be warm where she is. I don’t remember what warm feels like.
Looks like hurdles are just as good as squats.
Cute shorts.
She’s probably a little too hard-core for me.
I should start doing these, my side delts could be stronger.
Well damn.
Rest is important.
Pupster photobombing
Now go grab Monday by the short&curlies and TUG.


  1. Best poat yet today.

  2. Y’all still in bed? Lay zee.

    Time to feed the kitties and go lift.

  3. “…Hole closed two months for repairs”

    Your mom’s all worned out.

  4. Lot of muscles up there Leon. Glad you made it home safe.

  5. Heh, Jimbro, one of the comments blames the Republicans.

  6. Of COURSE it’s the Republican’s fault!

  7. One more double.

    wakey wakey

  8. I think I need some Beck this morning.

  9. I’m a loser baybee, so why don’t you kill me…

  10. Nice job, Leon.

  11. I have an interview with Berkshire Hathaway this morning.

    I may tell them that Warren Buffet can suck my gentlemans sausage.

  12. Hathaway makes a classic dress shirt. At least they used to.

  13. Ask them if you can get some of those shirts with the buttoned collars

  14. I have an interview with Berkshire Hathaway this morning.

    Movin’ on uuup…

  15. I may tell them that Warren Buffet can suck my gentlemans sausage.



    I had a dream last night that I went to adult camp. This comment is not related to MJ’s comment.

  16. There were a number of young ladies at Powerhouse worthy of a place in this poat.

  17. Steamy Sausage Camp

  18. Elderly bunion massage camp.

  19. For bonus interview points, you should ask if Miss Hathaway ever got to experience Jethro’s gentleman’s sausage.

  20. I would ask if the other Miss Hathaway is still on payroll.

    And whether she still has the Catwoman outfit.

  21. It’s just the first of 4 phone screens. I’ll probably stick to talking about my wicked threesome with the Amandas this weekend.*

    *there was no wicked threesome. All statements to the contrary are false and exist only in the mind of a over sugared muppet.

  22. They might enjoy a recipe from your DotW series. Shows versatility.

  23. Good idea. I’ll start them out with a drink segment and my latest AIDS test.

  24. Berkshire is a stupid first name.
    You should tell them that.

  25. What would you do for BH?

  26. When you walk out the door after the interview yell,


  27. CRM implementation.

    It’s actually pretty easy and the pay is good. I seem to fall bass akwards into jobs at Tyco and that’s bound to come to an end. I’ve been really lucky to stay employed.

  28. I have some contacts in Greensboro if you’re interested in gubmint contracting.

  29. Would it require lots of travel and/or moving?

  30. Thanks leon, but I’m good.

  31. The travel is pretty light and the office is 10 mins from where I live.

  32. I love this album.

  33. How’s the shoulder, MJ?

  34. MrChumpo are you talking about the Beck album Carin linked?

  35. Did you paint the nursery, Leon?

  36. Yes, M’am.

  37. I am painting the fence, so I get a pass on the baby’s room.

  38. Leon, the baby will not be able to paint a room for several years at least. I think you are stacking a little too much pressure on the kid.

  39. I painted my hands and shoes this weekend. Also some patio furniture.

  40. I painted yor mom this weekend. White polka dots.

  41. Paint your room!

  42. How’s the shoulder, MJ?
    Went to see the doctor last week. He did almost nothing and told me they’d check to see if my insurance will approve an MRI. I haven’t heard back yet.

    I’m pretty sure it’s torn. I feel a little better every week but I can’t really use my right arm like I need to.

    The options were PT, cortisone shot, surgery. I’m going to start small and see what happens if they ever get back to me.

  43. but I can’t really use my right arm like I need to.


  44. Weird. The doctor’s office just called and wanted to know if I wanted to proceed with an MRI and get a referral for physical therapy.

    It’s like I didn’t even talk to them when I was there. I already covered all of this.

  45. Ain’t electronic record-keeping grand?

  46. They should call Medned LLC.

  47. I bet their ducts are dirty too.

  48. MRI’s are a scam.

  49. *air quotes* “Dirty Ducts” *air quotes*

  50. Be suspicious if they offer to blow your dirty ducts out.

  51. Good thing Mike Pence doesn’t want to be President. He would need a stronger spine anyway.

  52. what happened with Pence? Seems like he’s been pretty steadfast over the weekend. I haven’t been up on the news today, though.

  53. Seeds on their way, leon! To me, that is. You’ll get them when I’m damn good and ready.

  54. You’ll get them when I’m damn good and ready.



    *spits at John F’n Kerry*

  55. I can’t put anything outside for weeks yet, Jay, I’d be trying to get seedlings started in my dining room. No rush.

  56. So, you started your “Seedling” in the dining room, Leon?

  57. Not yet, but I have a couple of trays and a bag of organic potting mix.

  58. Ur doin it rong

  59. Could be, I’m still pretty new to gardening.

  60. Chance the Gardener: As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden.

    President “Bobby”: In the garden.

    Chance the Gardener: Yes. In the garden, growth has it seasons. First comes spring and summer, but then we have fall and winter. And then we get spring and summer again.

    President “Bobby”: Spring and summer.

    Chance the Gardener: Yes.

    President “Bobby”: Then fall and winter.

    Chance the Gardener: Yes.

    Benjamin Rand: I think what our insightful young friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable seasons of nature, but we’re upset by the seasons of our economy.

    Chance the Gardener: Yes! There will be growth in the spring!

    Benjamin Rand: Hmm!

    Chance the Gardener: Hmm!

    President “Bobby”: Hm. Well, Mr. Gardner, I must admit that is one of the most refreshing and optimistic statements I’ve heard in a very, very long time.

    [Benjamin Rand applauds]

    President “Bobby”: I admire your good, solid sense. That’s precisely what we lack on Capitol Hill.

    -Being There

  61. *air quotes* “Gardening” in the “Dining Room” *air quotes*

  62. Way too long to read. Can you please sum up, Jimbro?

  63. Oh… OH! You guys are talking about SEX!

    That’s lewd.

  64. People eat there.

  65. *cough*

  66. Leon, the trick is to start the seedlings in your basement, using plenty of UV lights…

  67. I don’t have a basement, just a 5′ crawlspace, and that’s full of capti… stuff I have in storage.

  68. Summation: Chance the Gardener, like Washington politics, is full of shit.

  69. We have tomatoes, peppers, leeks, and onions growing under a grow light, and outside there is stuff in milk jug greenhouses.

  70. I guess there might be enough room left in the crawlspace for a grow light, but I’m uncertain about the temperature. Also the capitv… stuff… might eat the sprouts.

  71. I did these all wrong today.

  72. I think I am becoming an eBay person. Over the last week people have paid me over $100 for crap I was going to throw away.

  73. I have to become an ebay person too, Scott. Spring Cleaning shall commence Naw!

  74. HA! I’ve got some Disney Dollars from 1989.

    They are worth 4X-5X what I paid for them.

    I should have put all my money into Disney Dollars, and Forever Stamps.

  75. I should have bought Ford stock when it was $1 a share in 2007.

  76. I’m wrong, it was a $1.87 in 2009.

  77. I did Your Mom for $1.87 in 2009.

  78. Ha!!

  79. What was that Beauty Show called with Rip Torn?

  80. We got some good news today. Our best customer is expanding their online auction business. They also got me a desk and a phone, so I can handle their customers shipping needs right there on the spot.

    I no longer have to share……… IT’S ALL MINE!

  81. If I ever travel to the east coast again, it will be to meet the W’s and Wiser.

  82. “It’s MINE, my own. . . my PRECIOUS!”

  83. So, I went to the gym this morning. All in all, a pretty positive experience since…

    1. I didn’t sprain, strain, break, rupture, or prolapse anything.

    2. The people there were kind enough to hold their laughter until after I had left.

    3. Your mom.

  84. 1. I didn’t sprain, strain, break, rupture, or prolapse anything.

    So you stayed in the locker room?

  85. Where the fuck is Car in?

  86. Sean M in a sweatsuit on the treadmill. . .

  87. Prolapse conjures up some awful images.

  88. Prolapse conjures up some awful images.

    Stay out of my documents folder.

  89. It’s a fact that more Americans blow out their buttholes than achieve their fitness goals at the gym every year. Google it.

  90. Car in is working a fake double.

  91. A butthole blowout on the 5 will screw up traffic FOREVER!

  92. I’ll take your word for it Sean.


  93. Rectum?

    Damn near killed him!

  94. Well I can report that Modern Guilt sounds just a little better on vinyl.

    You old farts seemed to know something about audio back in the day.

  95. MJ, do you have an album on both vinyl and CD? Start them both at the same time and flip back and forth, it’s more than a little better.

  96. There is some dove sex happening on my deck. SYWM

  97. Never saw them, wish I did

  98. 60 Minutes was fascinating last night. If you missed it, google polio and cancer.

    They are curing terminally ill people.

  99. That’s pretty interesting, Beasn. Having suffered from a recurrent MRSA infection, which is quite painful, not to mention ugly, I hope they can come up with more effective treatments.

  100. UConn girls are down at the half!

    This is unacceptable.

  101. Is Guided by Voices a SoCal band? They sure sound like it.

  102. MJ, do you have an album on both vinyl and CD? Start them both at the same time and flip back and forth, it’s more than a little better.
    I don’t have CDs. I only have MP3s or vinyl. There’s basically no comparison.

    At first I thought I was nuts. I assumed I just wanted it to sound better because I put effort into it getting the stuff.

  103. That was interesting beasn. I wonder if the brass vessel was an important component for the recipe. My septic hip kid grew MRSA from both blood cultures and the hip synovial fluid. He is doing much better now.

  104. Seems to me that I’ve read recently where some hospitals were installing brass hand rails and handles everywhere because it was an inhibitor. I might could find it.

  105. Hit enter before I meant to…

    The boys’ pediatrician wrote out a script for use of a tea bag for styes (YWM-SI). Worked in a matter of hours; it was freaking amazing.

  106. B-rad’s got teh Google-fu.

  107. Is Guided by Voices a SoCal band? They sure sound like it.

    Ohio. Dayton, I think.

  108. Cyn, my doc gave me the same scrip. And yeah, hours.

  109. Used tea bag

  110. Having suffered from a recurrent MRSA infection, which is quite painful, not to mention ugly, I hope they can come up with more effective treatments.

    I wonder if the brass vessel was an important component for the recipe.

    Looks like it Jimbro. They said they had to follow the recipe exactly….container and number of days.

    I’d think this would be easier to make in large quantities, with fewer side effects of a serious antibiotic. I wonder if it could be made to deal with regular strep infections.

  111. *takes regular dose of colloidal silver*

  112. *turns blue*

  113. *shoves teabag in ear*

  114. **teabags Beasn**


  115. Turning blue is a small price to pay for immortality.

  116. UConn is up by 20.


  117. Beasns, do you know anyone who smokes? I remember as a kid getting smoke blown into my ear when I had earaches, and I had a ton of ’em. Maybe a blowdryer would have the same effect, but maybe there was some magic in nicotine…

    Olden Tyme Remedies – How do they freakin’ work?!

  118. I’ve got an Olden Tyme Remedy for tonsillitis I’d love to show you

  119. *eats old Bob Seeger albums*

  120. Cyn, Mr. Beasn said his mom used to put very warm oil in his ear, when he had earaches. My mom just gave us a hot washrag.

    I let the hot water from my shower, run in my ear, last night. It helped. There were fewer zings of pain today. (They started up when I went outside ….which means it has a sinus component going on)

  121. MOM!!!1! Jimbro’s trying to be a doctor again!!!1!

  122. *shoves tarantulas up xbrad’s nostrils*

  123. Blow in my ear and I’ll follow you anywhere, Cyn.

  124. Tito’s would help.

    I would try that.

  125. It’s an antiseptic AND a fluid AND gluten free.

  126. Hey, scott, didn’t you once say that it helped to stab your ear with a super-hot paperclip when you got an earache?

  127. Yes

  128. That’s what the doctors use.

  129. Pour 2 parts vodka and a hint of dry vermouth into your ear. Add a splash of olive juice, shake, and garnish with blue cheese stuffed olives.

  130. I’m gonna need about seven ear-fulls of that. And hold the olive and vermouth shit; it just ruins the vodka. RUINS it.

  131. Make it 8 – I’m celebrating a school-issue victory!

  132. Ear shots.

  133. Ear martinis? I’m old enough to remember when people just soaked their vodka into tampons and shoved those up their asses.

    Simpler times…

  134. Simpler times indeed…


  135. Q-Tips.

  136. A variety of “Butt Chugging,” Cyn. It was the Dangerous New Trend Your Teens May Be Trying™ which totally wasn’t an urban legend or anything a few years back.

  137. *lights a match*

    *touches ear*

  138. Huh, how very strange and different, the comments of this thread have been interesting, informative, hopeful and amazing.

    Tampons soaked in vodka, indeed!

  139. A) I watched both those 60 minute videos on polio and cancer.
    I was amazed and moved.

    B) That Anglo Saxon MRSA deal great.

    C) Teabags for styes, I’m remembering that one.

    D) I don’t know what butt chugging is and guess what? I don’t want to!

    E) John Kerry is dangerous tool, assfaced dick.

  140. Cyn, what exactly did you do with the teabags?

  141. That’s kind of personal.

  142. Mare, alcohol absorbs quickly, up the ass.

  143. Beasn knows things.

  144. In the past three and a half years I have met hundreds of recovering drunks and addicts, and while many have had interesting and sometimes inventive stories about how they’d manage to get fucked up, I have not met a single one who ingested any booze through his or her ass.

    I’m not saying it can’t be done, just that it doesn’t seem to be a thing that happens with any actual degree of regularity.

  145. I’d think it would be kind of hard to stick your ass in the air and let it chug a bottle of Leinenkugel.

  146. Sean, obviously you were hanging out with a higher class of drunks.

  147. Heh. There’s actually a saying I’ve heard in AA about how there’s “no better class of assholes” to be found.

  148. Can you butt chug milk? I’m feeling a bit low in calcium.

  149. Cyn, what exactly did you do with the teabags?

    Make tea as you normally would, squeeze out the water, then, as hot as you can stand it, apply the tea bag to the area of the sty. Do several times, a few times a day, VIOLA – zee sty ees gone, sometimes as fast as 36 hours, but definitely noticeable improvement in 12 hours. Magic.

  150. Chalk is commonly sold in a very accessible, narrow cylindrical form, and it is composed of calcium carbonate.

    That is all that I have to state this evening.


  151. I saw Butt Chug Milk open for Hootie and the Blowfish at The Arena in ’89 and ’90.

  152. Somehow that is not how I envisioned the H2 getting teabagged.

  153. I saw butt chug and milk in the same poat and automatically thought of Kerrie Marie.

  154. Ahhh, Jay, but I haven’t told you… the rest of the story.

  155. I think you nailed it, PG.

    Also, was it Kerrie Marie who had the plungers on her bewbage for that one poat? Ha Ha, so freaking twisted. ‘Er maybe Twistys, I forget.

  156. Nighty sweet dreams, Miss Laurawr.

  157. Did anybody bump into anybody else at the supermarket and notice that their cart was full of items that had been discussed in a thread today?

  158. Anyone who would take “As Gospel” what they saw on “60 Minutes” deserves just what they get…

  159. What does that mean, Chris?

  160. Cyn,
    It means that “60 Minutes” Lies, fabricates, and distorts everything they report on.
    If you wish to give them credibility, it’s on you…

  161. I don’t think anyone ever said that they took it as gospel, nor was it even a question of credibility.

    The research seems incredibly promising and certainly invites one to read and maybe even look into this more.

    Regardless of who did the reporting, wouldn’t be a really amazing, wonderful thing if we saw cures for many cancers in our lifetimes? Fuch yeah it would.

  162. Jeez, the Down’s Syndrome letter jacket controversy sure has gotten people over at the HQ in a tizzy.

  163. wouldn’t be a really amazing, wonderful thing if we saw cures for many cancers in our lifetimes?

    With the full implementation of obuttcare, they won’t cover the cost if you’re over 60.

  164. I had a discussion about that kid on FB and was called a fascist.

  165. Col Alex, I’m not understanding everyone getting their pants in a wad over that. I’m torn. Rules is rules…yeah, it would be a nice thing for the kid, but treat him as much as you can like other kids.

    I have a brother with Downs. It irks me that my parents have always treated him like he’s retarded and how many in the community use their kid’s disability for special favors, treats, awards, tickets, etc.

  166. My only letter sport in HS was Armed Drill Team.

    No fucking way was I going to wear a letter jacket for that!

  167. Well, you can be kinda facist-y, but seemed to be more of a feature than a bug.

  168. I lettered in fascism in high school.

  169. Show off.

  170. We *did* wear spiffy black uniforms.

  171. I think I have done enough damage on this here planet for one day, so I’m calling it.

    Sweet dreams, You People.

  172. Try this:

    Report due tomorrow, 500 words, double spaced, and I’ll be measuring your font size, IYKWIMAITTYD.

  173. Is Comic Sans OK?


  175. Sun turnin’ ’round with graceful motion
    We’re setting off with soft explosion
    Bound for a derp with fiery oceans
    It’s so very lonely
    You’re one hundred light years from home

  176. This post is old.

  177. Butt Chug Tucker Post

  178. Jimbro never posts. Just sayin.

  179. Wakey wakey.

    Four inches this morning.

  180. I spoke to a MI friend last night. She said it’s been freezing and a 90% chance of snow. WTF?

    I listened to Modern Guilt on vinyl last night. It was pretty awesome.

    You should come over some time. We’ll listen to Beck, The Smiths, and Royksopp, then talk smack about the H2.

  181. Rained here, no snow. Did my first training walk for the adventure race last night, took my 85 minutes to go 4 miles with a 40# pack. I have to get that down to <68 minutes, and then do it twice on May 16.

  182. Going to be 72 and thunderstorms here on Thursday, I should plant grass seed tomorrow.

  183. What adventure race? TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME

  184. It’s a race and an adventure.

  185. Yea, the weather sucks. It’s still effen snowing.

    So, Information age is the next one I get?

  186. It’s race+adventure. I assume they pass out gatoraid every mile or so?

    Otherwise it’s a rip off.

  187. The Information.

    It’s a personal favorite, but it’s a little different. I think you’ll like it though.

  188. Hey, I get four hours overtime for last week. At bartender pay.

    *starts planning my retirement.

  189. ga. Reading facebook . Has everyone lost their fucking minds?

  190. Yes.

  191. Somebody just bought my leather coat.


  192. Ebay is awesome.

    GND has been selling a ton of stuff in preparation for the big move. She sold a pair of pink snow boots the other day for $90.

  193. Maybe someone should write leon’s eulogy.

  194. *tries on pink snow boots that just arrived.

    I’m going to need these today.

  195. Sorry, I was at mass. This race:
    I do the backpacking leg for a team.

  196. This coat is an awesome if you are riding a motorcycle, otherwise it’s useless.

  197. I have to learn to shut off my phone at night. My electric company sends me reminders about upcoming bills, at 5 freaking AM.


  198. If it’s an android, you can set it to switch to silent between specific hours automatically.

  199. My wife has to do that or the stupid chimpface thing will annoy us all night.

  200. There’s a ‘blocking mode’ that I set at night to shut off the emails, but the phone will ring (if you want it to).

  201. A guy discovered that he had a flat tire and pulled to the curb. He realized that he had stopped in front of the local mental health sanitarium when a patient ambled up to the fence and began teasing him.

    He ignored the patient’s catcalls and insults while he carefully took each lug nut off and placed it in the hubcap as he removed the tire. While trying to install the spare, he inadvertently knocked the hubcap, which spilled the lugs and all five nuts fell into the nearby storm sewer, falling beyond his reach.

    The patient howled with laughter as the guy, at the end of his patience, began to vent about being stuck there until a tow truck could arrive. The patient told him, “I can help you.”

    The guy glared at him and said, “Sure you can.”

    The patient said, “No, really, I can help.”

    The guy reluctantly asked how. The deranged patient then said, “Take one nut off of the other three tires and put the spare on with three lugs. Then you can safely drive to a garage for the other nuts and get your tire fixed.”

    The guy thanked him and asked, “How did a guy like you ever think that one up?”

    To which the asylum patient replied, “Well, I’m just crazy, not stupid!”

  202. No one passes out gatoraid, and the weight of water you carry doesn’t count toward your pack weight. Pack has to weigh the same before and after the race, 20% body weight. A little less if your’re especially short.

  203. Huh. Mine doesn’t have that feature. Could it be an app?

  204. We found it on Paula’s iphone. She was getting dings from facedouche all night long. Her friends who worked overnight kept including her in group text messages. Now only a handful of people can text or call after 10 PM until 5AM. I leave my phone downstairs unless I’m on call.

  205. Wakey wakey.

    Four inches this morning.

    In his defense, he did just go swimming.

  206. I only run for the free gator aid.

  207. Looks like that product is specific to Samsung (I have a Note 4).

    This forum thread has some ideas:

  208. I don’t drink gatoraid. I laugh because all around me people will be mainlining carbs and going no faster than me, and I don’t even eat until after the race. I drink some water about halfway through the walk.

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