Topical poat

The following images are for topical use only.
 
rimjob
 
goodgoodhillary
 
deathtojuice
 
bizarro_transvestite
 
Bonus music that just about everyone here will hate!!!
 
I’ve probably seen this band live more times than any other act, and they kick ass. Talk amongst yourselves in the comments about who opened for them back in ’99.
 

150 Comments

  1. Sorry it’s not this kind of poat.

  2. Well, just so long as you’re sorry.

  3. I’m trying to come up with an opening band while fighting with some ass in a baseball group who prefers night baseball to day baseball.

  4. Sean, did you do any squat thrusts today? And also, did you go to the gym?

  5. Black Sails won’t be back until 2016. I watched the season finale twice last night.

  6. I didn’t go to the gym yet. Starting tomorrow. If I’m not here by evening cracking jokes about how leon’s models look like dudes or centaurs, AVENGE MEEEEEEEE!!!

  7. I do not like the “watch us again in a year!!” marketing. BOOOOOOOO.

    However, Oso, we get to see Jaimie on April 4th.

    Suck it, Sean! (not our Sean that’s a deal from Psych)

  8. I took a 10 days off from the gym, going back tomorrow morning too.

    Squats, OHPs, deadlift, and chin-ups tomorrow.

  9. Sean, don’t do too much too soon. I don’t want you to hate it. Is there a gorgeous personal trainer you can work with? Sometimes a new gym membership comes a session.

    Also, don’t toot when you’re doing squats, you can’t recover from that.

  10. Mare, I’ve been re-reading and re-watching to catch up for the 4th!!!! All day marathon, booyah!

  11. with a session

    (best comment ever)

  12. Also, don’t put lotion on your hands before deadlifts.

  13. Watch form vids on youtube for errything you’re planning to do. I find those very helpful when I’ve not done the exercise before/in-a-while.

  14. I got crop-dusted at work. Nearly puked.

  15. Also, don’t wear a t-shirt that says, “sun’s out guns out” on the first day.

  16. Also, don’t walk by a buffed guy and say, “your triceps look ripped.” And then lick your lips.

  17. After working out, avoid eating a banana at the gym and making eye contact WITH ANYONE.

  18. I made the mistake of making eye contact with a younger gentleman while apply this to my lips:

    http://tinyurl.com/owvt3q5

  19. Sean, avoid a lot of fiber for breakfast tomorrow. Or simply wear a diaper while working out.

  20. Here Sean, shirt for ya.

  21. If that is the best song you can find from them I think you might be musically retarded.

  22. My cousin’s 1 yr old wears the “Sun’s out, guns out” tank. He’s also usually pictured wearing his sister’s princess heels.

  23. He’s also usually pictured wearing his sister’s princess heels.

    ——

    hahahahaha

  24. Hey, who put the funneh in mare’s oatmeal?

  25. I’ve taken about 12,500 days off from the gym.

  26. Everyone needs this shirt.

  27. Mare…LOL!

    Good tips.

  28. Beasn, I hope your ear gets better. Do you have an ENT?

  29. I like the one from yesterday advising him to wear underpants if he has on baggy shorts.

    I wish you were around to advise my husband’s friend when we went on a fishing trip with him and he didn’t wear undies with his short shorts……fell out and spread across his lawn chair like Jabba the Balls.

  30. Do you have an ENT?

    Not if I can help it.

    /half serious

    Maybe I need a good cleaning out.

  31. Thanks for all the advice, guys, but I think I’m just gonna try the treadmill for like half an hour. I have work later in the day and would like to be able to use my arms.

  32. My ENT and my allergy Dr have made desert life bearable to the point I don’t have to see either one very often.

  33. Also, I always make eye contact with anyone who’s eating a banana.

    I refuse to be intimidated.

  34. fell out and spread across his lawn chair like Jabba the Balls.

    —–

    Yikes!

  35. #takebacktheproducesection

  36. #StopAskingToBeAssRaped

  37. Seriously, have fun tomorrow Sean. Your 1/2 session on the treadmill sounds about right.

  38. WTF do people graze in produce sections? Do you people not even think about washing food before eating it? Have you any idea how many spiders we find in fresh fruit? Makes me itch just thinking about it. Freaks.

  39. Oso, I can’t do anti-histamines.

    Btw, I ordered Outlander dvd on amazon. This week, it’s on sale at Target. *sigh*

  40. Tomorrow, I’ll help you out with locker room etiquette.

  41. Beasnsnsnsnssn, how much is the Outlander DVD at Target?

  42. I ain’t going in no locker room. The place is like five minutes away from my house, where the only dicks I ever see are mine and Riley’s.

  43. beasn, my NM Drs are dicks. All holistic and shit. They never give me the good meds. Tea steeped until the spoon disappears and local honey. I was like WTF?

  44. WTF do people graze in produce sections?

    Or a family of 5 each picking out and eating a donut and never telling the cashier they did. Nowhere do I see, around the donut case, a sign that says, ‘FREE DONUTS’.

  45. MJ has the “Good” seat in the locker room anyway, so you’re probably better off.

  46. mare, 19 something. And you get another 5% off if you have a red card.

  47. beasn, I would never EVER buy anything from the bins at Sprouts or Whole Foods. People are NASTY!

  48. Thanks, Beasnsnsnsnsn

  49. beasn, my NM Drs are dicks. All holistic and shit.

    Hmm, sounds like I might like them. I bet they have some old wives way of treating ear pain.

  50. I ain’t going in no locker room. The place is like five minutes away from my house, where the only dicks I ever see are mine and Riley’s.

    ———

    I respect this decision.

  51. http://tinyurl.com/ptltuks

  52. People are NASTY!

    I’ll say. One morning we watched a man, in a nice business suit, picking out donuts for his office. He’d put one in the box, lick his fingers, pick out another, lick his fingers, etc.

    Then he decided he wanted to trade a couple out — put two back, licked his fingers, chose two others. After he left, I went out there and threw out the ones with his slobber. Too bad I couldn’t call his office and warn them.

  53. Jimbro, that will be a Catholic holiday too.

  54. Mare is like the Ann Landers of the gym scene. Except she seems to be less uptight than Ann. Prolly cause she’s not a JEW!!!!

  55. Comment by Jimbro on March 29, 2015 8:30 pm
    http://tinyurl.com/ptltuks

    *spits up on keyboard*

  56. Also, I always make eye contact with anyone who’s eating a banana.

    Sometimes a banana is just a banana.

  57. beasn, they do. Hollow candles or smoke funnels. When I had my awful earache, I was told to dry my ears with a blow dryer on warm setting before going out in the cold and wind. I H8 curandero/voodoo shit. I don’t even think they are real Drs. (LOL. Dan spends most of his workday in a cooler. My cousin, his dermatologist, has him on a skincare regimen. He is also on a med that costs $150 a month, for 2 months. She hopes the OTC will kick in by then. At least it wasn’t skin cancer this time. Only rosacea)

  58. I went to the local pharmacy Friday to pick up some medicine. Now keep in mind that we’re pretty much Mayberry RFD here. Somebody’s computer was pumping out the rap and while I’m waiting in line for my shit I’m hearing “motherfucker this and motherfucker that” and “suck on that shit, you damn ho” and whatnot. I prolly don’t have the lyrics down verbatim but you get the gist. The decline of western civilization may be occurring at a faster pace than I had planned for.

    **looks at ammo sites on tittyweb jenkins**

  59. Don’t do the H2O2 or isopropyl in the ear if there’s any chance the eardum is perforated.

  60. http://tinyurl.com/ptltuks

    You guys don’t know many Jews, do you?

  61. PG, I used to have to tell my employees that they couldn’t listen to gangsta rap at work, where guests and co-workers could hear. Spanish gangsta rap wasn’t allowed either. I still can’t believe the lyrics.

  62. So red, my contractor, Ed, the nice customer service guy at Lowes and I got talking about the Japanese toilet seat I am installing, the one that cleans you with jets of hot water. Pedal says: I might try one, for shits and giggles.

    Boom, a marketing slogan is born. Toto toilet seat, for shits and giggles.

  63. Sean, sadly, American Jews identify more with the D than the Juden.

  64. Um, pedal was supposed to be Ed. Wtf, auto cucumber?

  65. Reform Jews are Democrats best friends, it must be admitted.

  66. And far too many Catholics still think that “social justice” and “charity” are legitimate functions of government.

  67. Leon, you can’t even begin to know what Messican Catholics are like. Our Archbishop sold us out for political reasons and I am adrift without a church right now.

  68. Comment by osoloco11 on March 29, 2015 8:26 pm

    beasn, I would never EVER buy anything from the bins at Sprouts or Whole Foods. People are NASTY!
    =======
    Don’t even get me started on Family Buffets. 200 little kids licking everything, aaaccckk!

  69. Yeah, “Catholic” = “Socialist” in a lot of places. It’s sickening.

    Look, I hate that Mexico sucks and my heart goes out to the people fleeing it, but coming here and getting free shit isn’t good for them or us. If they’d stayed in Mexico and stood up to the demons in their own government, there’d be no reason to leave.

  70. I don’t do buffets. I have body hair aversion and people wearing tank tops or sleeveless tees while going through a buffet line makes me gag. If I’m the first person in line, I’m a little better. Anything else is anxiety. We make fun of my mom and her Golden Corral obsession. I’m creeped by chocolate fountains.

  71. Leon, it is crazy here. 70+ % of New Mexicans support taking benefits and DLs away from illegals and Susana can’t get anything through the legislature. The church and the national D-rat party are too entrenched.

  72. MMM @ 535am. Bedtime now.

  73. Chocolate fountains have to be the worst.

  74. I can’t believe they won’t stop the licenses to illegals. Crazy. F’ing Democrats.

  75. Ugh! I thought I could stay out of the day v. night baseball, but no….I had to weigh in again. I H8 people.

  76. Pepe, I KNOW!!!!

  77. That is for nasty fountains and illegals.

  78. One of our meat cutters is from Taos. He works at Sam’s and Sprouts. He really H8s the mojados. Thinks they are lazy. You will never see more racism than a northern New Mexican Hispanic male. Las Gorras Blancas.

  79. “Guided by Voices” –
    why did Sian get into a car driven by LRaw and shotgunned by Scott….?
    http://tinyurl.com/p9sqktt

  80. What I find really hilarious about the Bloom County cartoon I linked above is that i’m sure that Burke Breathed meant that as a slap to conservatives.

    Heh heh heh…..

    Little did he realize……

  81. I find this thread extremely entertaining, especially Mare’s new-found humor!

  82. Wiser, he lived in ABQ back in the day. I had hippie friends in common with him. I think you nailed it.

  83. >>>>I find this thread extremely entertaining, especially Mare’s new-found humor!

    Well, MJ’s had a lot of alone time on airplanes and in hotels to spend on really fleshing out his sock.

    How ya been, MCPO? S’been too long since we been together.

  84. Mike Judge is from here too. I bet he’s appalled that Beavis and Butthead and King of the Hill are more of a reflection of the people he represents than the people he is mocking.

  85. I give Breathed credit. While I may disagree with him politically, unlike Doonesbury, he was A) incredibly funny and B) smart enough to know when to quit.

  86. I miss Gary Larson. As much as I Love PBS, deep in my heart I know that Pastis is a hippie.

  87. >>>>I bet he’s appalled that Beavis and Butthead and King of the Hill are more of a reflection of the people he represents than the people he is mocking.

    Really? Between Idiocracy and Office Space, I kind of assumed that Mike leaned right.

  88. I give Breathed credit. While I may disagree with him politically, unlike Doonesbury, he was A) incredibly funny and B) smart enough to know when to quit.

    He could also kind of draw, so he had that going for him, too.

  89. Little did he realize

    ———

    Amen, Wiser.

  90. Wiser, based on his mom, his friends, and his education choices, he leans left. He’s “The Guy” left behind by the party.

  91. There is too much body hair in day baseball.
    Gross.

  92. >>>>>He could also kind of draw, so he had that going for him, too.

    His Sunday strips were awesome.

    >>>>
    He’s “The Guy” left behind by the party.

    Yeah, I can see that.

  93. It used to be worse, scott…

    http://is.gd/rkh4ja

  94. Scott is killing me. Muttley’d

  95. OMG y’all. Microwave clock, oven clock, and wall clock have 3 separate times. (I’m not the one freaking out. Match made in CDO heaven)

  96. Day baseball doesn’t need a time clock or a cut off. FU AL.

  97. I wore a classic FL Marlins tee to work today: Crickets. Dan wears a Dunder-Mifflin tee and OMG! He has the best tee shirts ever!!!

  98. I H8 all y’all.

  99. Last week, Dan said I could chillax at home and he’d do MiL stuff. SiL and MiL pissed him off. Guess who gets to spend tomorrow with MiL? Record temps and I bet the heater is set at “Old Lady”

  100. I wore a classic FL Marlins tee to work today: Crickets. Dan wears a Dunder-Mifflin tee and OMG! He has the best tee shirts ever!!!

    I have literally never met anyone who was a fan of that team. Like, real literally, not Biden literally.

  101. We had a baseball thing going on before I ruined it. Both times we watched the Marlins in Miami, they went on to win the World Series. I had a chance to watch the Red Sox in Tampa. I didn’t want to give them my World Series mojo. Fuckers won the Series that year. Mojo can’t be manipulated. Blame me.

  102. Not a fan, but I don’t H8 them. Their fans are losers. (Starts whistling for no reason)

  103. Dunder-Mifflin trumps Fish shirt. It’s a law.

  104. My tee is awesome!!! The blue in the shirt brings out the green in my eyes!!!

  105. I have nooo doubt that you ROCK that shirt.

  106. Stupid young guys at work. They are in awe of Dan’s sartorial choices. Dan gets the “Your wife is so cool. Sports AND South Park.” I have a bunch of 20 year olds crushing on me and thinking Dan is the luckiest guy EVER. Dan is like “She doesn’t cook or drive. She’s a freak”

  107. Dan: The young men want to be him and the young women want to be on top of him.

  108. Cyn, I do. The Marlin’s eye is at the center of the shirt. Doesn’t have the Rockies, Giants, etc connotation.

  109. You have green eyes?

    ;-)

  110. CoAlex, it can be awkward working with your spouse. I walked up on a woman thinking Deli Dan was the most fascinating guy in the world yesterday.

  111. I’m dying here. Dan gets this line between his eyes that means “Get the fuck away from me” and he doesn’t even remember the women I’m talking about. Today, there was a hot body with a butter face and Dan was irritated with her idiocy and the young guys were teasing him about her flirting with him.

  112. Cyn, I have hazel eyes. All my life. For some reason, people think I have green eyes or blue eyes.

  113. Ha ha, that cute.

  114. Depends on what you wear; I have the hazel too.

  115. I could never work in the same bldg w Mrs. Pendejo. We do pretty fucking good if we see each other for about 2-3 hours not counting sleep time. Weekends are ok if we’re both too tired to pick on each other.

  116. fuck salt

  117. I don’t have a Sam’s membership thus I’m very rarely in there, but the last time I saw an attractive woman working in a Wal-Mart was……..I don’t know that I ever have.

  118. Well said, Ed.

  119. EvB with the fuck salt!!! Miss you.

  120. PG, we have lots of cute young cashiers. Gorgeous even. They are pretty much preggo by 19 though.

  121. Oso, my father had stories about working in the produce department of Fred Meyer. Otter Stratton was right, apparently. Vegetables are sensual. Dad got propositioned several times, including once for a Sportsman’s Double.

  122. Whoa… Eddie Bear sighting!

  123. This always cracked me up: “My cucumber. It’s bigger.”

  124. oso, pendejo, and the rest (even wiser and rosetta): I miss this place, but work and real life, combined with burnout, compelled me to occupy myself elsewhere for the last few years. I’ll try to come around a touch more.

  125. I’m chunky, but not fat or tall. Lots of little 00 girls with push up bras at the Club. Only one is bright enough to intrigue Dan. She smokes. I like her a lot too. Other associate he thinks is cute is a mother of 2. Dim. Very nice. I guess Dan is stuck with me.

  126. CoAlex, it is ridiculous. The guys in the meat department are under siege too. Women drop IQ points in Fresh departments.

  127. EVB, Real life sucks. We’re the embodiment of The Cheers theme song.

  128. Dang, maybe I should change careers.

  129. Did anybody pretend to ignore anybody else’s T-shirt because they were secretly jealous of it today?

  130. Don’t do the H2O2 or isopropyl in the ear if there’s any chance the eardum is perforated.

    How do you know if your eardrum is perforated?

  131. So what’s shakin’ in The E. Bear world? We need a gutter update!

  132. True Story, I have a bunch of 20 yr olds crushing on me and pissing Dan off. Dan keeps telling all of them that I don’t cook or clean. Or drive. They think he is the luckiest guy ever. He’s walking a fine line. Trying to guide and lead…stuck with me. LOL

  133. Ignores Sean’s Classic Angel tee

  134. My Angel tee has the halo dangling off the northern part of the state

  135. One thing about ADHD: You people need to comment faster. I’m tweeting, FB, DListing, AGC, and you guys are barely commenting. Watching TV or I’d be reading too.

  136. Dan needs to tell those boys about your 9″ cock.

  137. LOLOLOL

  138. PG, it is weird. These guys are pretty conservative if I lead the conversation. No respect for women.

  139. Dan keeps telling all of them that I don’t cook or clean. Or drive. They think he is the luckiest guy ever.

    They probably suspect you’re royalty or some junk.

  140. They’re all amazed by panties-off married sex.

  141. Sean, yep. TMI. Dan: Dial it back or they’ll think it is about sex and stuff. (I’ve been getting by on a larger than thou personality for years)

  142. CoAlex, married sex is easy. Panties off FTW.

  143. Are you sure Dan doesn’t have a single brother here?

  144. If you were some twenty something blowing a month’s savings to take some 19 year old cashier out for a buffet dinner at the Red Lobster, you’d be in awe too. “You mean she waits for the game to finish?!”

  145. Wait, Red Lobster has a buffet?

  146. Hahaha Dan is funny. I get to see young and old flirt with him on a daily basis. He is so readable. He adores me. He H8s the fact that young guys adore me too. The young guys he works with show him the nekkid pics of our co-workers. Dan is funneh about stuff.

  147. Not buffet but Lobster and Shrimp MADNESS!!!!

  148. Dan just realized I watched both years of episodes of Black Sails.

  149. Dan keeps telling all of them that I don’t cook or clean. Or drive. They think he is the luckiest guy ever.

    Totally jealous by telling them those things…thinking they’ll move along.

  150. And derp me down, and bring me down
    But I won’t be around as you run through the places you love
    I remember the faces that cry
    And they’re pulling me back so I have to die


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