MMM 167: Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

It’s late. I should be in bed an hour ago. I’m not really awake now. Maybe neither are you. Maybe it’s all a dream or possibly an elaborate hoax. Maybe all of this, and everyone, and everything, is just a lie pulled over your eyes, mind, and soul to keep you from the real world. You know, the one that makes sense. You’ll never get to live there. You’re stuck here. Maybe you’re here with the rest of us, maybe none of us are real at all.

Sprinter booty.
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Ballet is tough on feet. She prolly needs a foot rub.
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Nice tris.
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20 years ago, a comic-book heroine could dress like this and only idiots would complain. That’s still true, there are just more idiots now.
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She plays with big balls.
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Arty.
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Statuesque.
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Her ponytail is so tight that it makes me wonder if her face looks different with her hair down.
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Not appropriate workout gear.
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Jackets this small seem impractical.
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Rest is critical.
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Is it still Monday? Is it Monday yet? How do we know? What if we’re all wrong, but we’re all wrong together and so we don’t know it? Could we all just agree that it’s Wednesday and it would be okay? Is Monday just an artificial construct of the cisheteronormative patriarchoppressive system???

No, my friends. Monday is real, and it is happening now, whether you believe it, like it, or are ignorant of it. Monday is concrete reality in a world gone mad. It can be harsh, but it is fair, and it comes for us all, playing no favorites and bearing no grudges.

382 Comments

  1. That last one has to be a photo-shop.

  2. Meh

  3. Double meh.

  4. I just thought it was crappy photography.

  5. Just ordered a bluetooth OBD car code reader for $11, I’ll report back with how it works. Lady at the auto parts store said it would be a $5000 fine for them to reset the check engine light, even though I just replaced the O2 sensor. Doesn’t do any good to say it’s BS, she’s already convinced.

  6. this “Weekend off” thing. I could get used to it.

  7. Car in livin like a normal person? Unpossible!

  8. Something has me slightly under the weather. Too much coffee yesterday or something. I was in bed from 1030 to 8am and I still feel like Car in’s dirty skort.

  9. It’s probably AIDS.

  10. That would make sense.

  11. I wash my skirts after ever use. Try a shower.

  12. Today is weigh -in day . I may have not made much progress with my travel weekend, ate as best I could, but that was hard. Trying to be frugal and healthy when my options were very limited. The healthiest I could eat on sat night was sushi.

  13. Eat a lot of kale

  14. I am supah-fat right now. Probably my highest weight in a couple of years. Went back to the gym and my appetite’s been through the roof. At least I can still lift a decent amount, but I gotta start eating less or I’m going to regret donating all my fat pants.

  15. This is sickening, and seems like an easy layup for any would-be reformer: http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/victims-of-visa-abuse-quietly-speak-out/article/2561856

    This stuff is part of why I haven’t left the Gov contracting sector yet.

  16. Good morning! Not the beach but at least I can see blue sky. It’s been overcast here for a loooooong time.

    I had fun watching the sorority and frat people try to look cool at the beach.

  17. I’ll be on the beach on Thursday and Friday. Can’t wait.

  18. It was wonderful. The water was colder than Hillary’s blood but people were in it. It amazes me that water temp can change about 20 degrees.

  19. Oh goody, we’re bashing Cruz today.

  20. Mj, did you say you’d be in Tampa? St. Pete?

  21. Just Drew, Jay. On other threads lots of support for Ted.

  22. Am I the only one whose forehead veins start throbbing when they see a Drew M post om AoS, without even reading it?

    Now he is professing his unenthusiasm about Ted Cruz. If Cruz gets any traction, this unenthusiasm will turn into full-on nutball opposition.

    I swear there is no human being who will be acceptable to Drew as a GOP candidate

  23. Drew seems like a troll to me. I hope it translates into clicks for Ace.

  24. I don’t always disagree with Drew, however, who else does he want for a candidate?

  25. I like the fact that Cruz isn’t dicking around waiting for the best political moment, just saying, “I’m in!” For whatever reasons he chose I like it.

  26. Mj, did you say you’d be in Tampa? St. Pete?
    ———————
    Sarasota on Thursday and Friday, then in St Pete on Sat and Sun.

    I assume you’re in Fl because Home Depot just put out this tweet:

    “All Florida stores are out of sunscreen and paint rollers.”

  27. Cruz isn’t my first choice because he isn’t a governor, but I think he’ll make an interesting case in the primaries.

  28. Mare, I’m sending Mrs. Pendejo and the two, adult but still bitterly clinging to daddy’s money, daughters to Panama City during the second week of June. I can’t get any vacation time then and oldest daughter can’t get any vacation time except then so that’s why I’m not going. I’m pretty meh on beaches anyway. Any tips you can give me on what a 54 year old woman is supposed to do for fun with her mid-20’s daughters in tow while in Panama City would be appreciated.

    Unless you’re suggesting that she make one of those amatuer cuckolding videos with a half dozen well hung black guys while the daughters are hanging at the club. Then it wouldn’t be appreciated.

  29. I’m home in Texas now, MJ.

  30. Tell her to get the money up front, Pendejo.

  31. I live on a peninsula and haven’t been to a real beach in years, just our inland lake cottage.

  32. “peninsula”

  33. Don’t know Panama City. Have only driven through there.

    I love the beach but I sit under two umbrellas, with a cooler and a good book between swim sessions. I love the sun but don’t fry myself.

    I exhaust myself frolicking in the water, boogie boarding or just thinking, “life is good.”

    Then shower, then dinner, maybe a walk around a tourist area then to bed.

    I’m not a “club” type of 54 year old.

    I’m usually with my husband, we laugh A LOT together so it’s just fun being together and goofing, same with my daughters.

  34. I am not a single issue voter. Technically, I am not even a voter, but I will be in 2016.
    I want a candidate who will advance the conservative/ libertarian cause as much as realistically possible.
    Liberals took 60+ years to bring the country here. We cannot achieve full reversal in one election cycle, inspite of how much piss and vinegar Drew regurgitates.
    For me, these are the candidates I would like: Walker, Cruz and Perry. I would include Rand Paul in that group too. (Not my fault. I was dropped on my head as a child)
    Christie, Bush, Huckabee I would prefer not to have.

    But beyond that, I would rather vote for Donald Trump before I vote for a Dem

  35. I am NOW a single issue voter. Anyone willing to roll back obamacare, I’m for.

    Even if that person is a dem. Don’t care, this POS legislation is killing me and eventually federal spending.

  36. Ahhhh, Cruz announced today because it’s the anniversary of the POS legislation, Obamacare.

  37. How does the prospect of being able to vote now feel, Tushar? You had to jump through the hoops, and pass the tests, bet it feels pretty awesome.

    Something a lot of us take for granted. Nice work, brown person!

  38. I’ll vote for whoever’s most likely to roll back regulation on the distillation of alcohol.

    Then Iowa can do something useful with all that crap they’re growing after the subsidies die.

  39. In 2011, VEETC was shut down. There aren’t taxpayer subsidies for corn ethanol now.

  40. Yes, there was market manipulation with aftereffects, and there are now mandates on fuel mixing. But there aren’t direct taxpayer subsidies (payouts) for ethanol.

  41. I’m going to vote for whoever promises to kick Joe Biden in the poppycock.

  42. I like paste.

    –uncle joey

  43. Did any of you see Rove talk about Cruz today? I can’t stomach the guy but I’d like to know what he said.

  44. The fuel mix mandate is effectively a subsidy and a broken window (engine) fallacy. I meant the aggribidness subsidy for growing corn in general, though.

  45. I don’t care who the democrat is, I won’t vote for Jeb.

  46. Direct payments don’t appear all that large, though:
    http://farm.ewg.org/progdetail.php?fips=00000&progcode=corn

    0-care is the fish that needs frying.

  47. I’m with you Scott.

    Jeb Bush, the center left, lamer, fatter Bush.

  48. If the gopp runs Jeb I’ll vote for the Constitution Party guy.

  49. I’ll start a drum circle for Warren.

  50. I’m going to write in Rosetta.

  51. MJ, should I make up some T-shirts now that say, “Rosetta, the dumber, fatter Ted Cruz!”

  52. I love it on Brewer’s art open threads someone always says something about someone, somewhere in the painting being raped.

    hahahahahah

    Great burn on the stupid rape culture bullshit.

  53. I wonder what Big Squaw Squatung Bull smokes in her peace pipe. Is chronic legal in Massachusset(e)s? Lizzie sure as hell won’t smoke patriotic Amurrican tobacco.

  54. Squating Bull. Autocucumber blows chipmunks.

  55. iOS 8 raped me. Also, your mom.

  56. Gavin McInnes:
    10. PLAY DIRTY
    The high road is a loser’s route. Let’s get our hands dirty on the low road for a year or so. When libs bring up the Koch bros. come back with George Soros. He spent tens of millions of dollars promoting race wars. Democrats are the most funded politicians on Capitol Hill. When liberals say the NRA has too many lobbyists, point them to the teachers’ unions.

    We also need to be asking the same divisive questions Democrats ask Republicans. Let’s keep asking Elizabeth Warren about her fellow Native Americans and what she plans to do for other Cherokees like herself. Ask politicians how many genders there are or what moment life begins in the womb. When they dodge the question come back again until they choke on their own rhetoric.

  57. Squatting

  58. *awards H2 bonus points for Lovecraftian header text*

  59. Oh Christ, Jimbro. Hotspur is gonna kill me for that.

  60. There’s a section of Quincy, MA called Squantum and it’s a peninsula. Saying “Squantum” cracks me up every time.

  61. There’s probably a Squantum subsidy.

  62. Why am I following John Schindler on twitter?

  63. So, if you work in an auto shop at Squantum, you’re a Squantum mechanic?

  64. Clever.

  65. I’ve never thought about being a single issue voter. Most conservatives are fairly much in agreement on the important shit.

    I’d vote for anyone who would campaign on disincentivizing out of wedlock births by discontinuing the throwing $$ at single moms and their collection of bastards. I doubt that I’ll ever see that.

  66. Your mom can’t get enough peninsula.

  67. Today’s ab vein count: 1. You’re slipping, Leon.

  68. Jay, I can apply for citizenship this Oct.
    Some a-hole bureaucrat will administer the oath. I would rather have XBrad or Phat administer the oath to me.

  69. I would rather have XBrad or Phat administer the oath to me.

    “Mr. Tushar, place your right hand on this inflatable female doll, raise your left hand and repeat after me…”

  70. Today’s ab vein count: 1. You’re slipping, Leon.

    I was feeling too fat to poat ab veins today. They were triggering me.

  71. How many chads do you have to be for phat to swear you in as a US citizen?

  72. Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

    Translation: in his house of Cthulhu, dead Rosetta lies dreaming on his sofa, eating Popchips and watching the Hallmark channel.

  73. I’d vote for anyone who would campaign on disincentivizing out of wedlock births by discontinuing the throwing $$ at single moms and their collection of bastards. I doubt that I’ll ever see that.

    I’d vote for someone campaigning against no-fault divorce, and I got one.

  74. George, yes, there is always that risk with Xbrad, but I want one of these two because they both administered some death in the Desert Storm highway of death.

  75. Grandparent child abuse. Klownifornia leads the way.

    South Bay Congressman Mike Honda, 73, is no different any other grandparent who brags about their “truly special” grandchild. But the Democratic House member has put himself in the national spotlight by tweeting and talking about his granddaughter Malisa, who is 8 years old — and transgender.

    In an opinion piece last week in the Bay Area Reporter, the gay and lesbian newspaper, Honda described in detail the story of his grandchild, whom he said was “assigned male at birth,” but who at 18 months “announced to my daughter’s family: ‘I’m a girl.’”

    18 months? Srsly? Perverted family.

  76. I want one of these two because they both administered some death in the Desert Storm highway of death.
    I love a good road trip.

  77. I’m honored to hear that, Tushar, but I do not think I am authorized to administer a valid Oath of Allegiance.

    http://www.uscis.gov/policymanual/HTML/PolicyManual-Volume12-PartJ-Chapter2.html

  78. Seriously. This will happen. There will soon be some legal requirement for hospitals to have a special official who “assigns” gender at birth, and there will be an officially approved list of different genders.

  79. 18 months? Srsly? Perverted family.

    ——-

    Amen.

    This happens in families that are entirely crazy.

  80. Xbrad, you could administer the formal Hostage oath, yes?

  81. >>but I do not think I am authorized to administer a valid Oath of Allegiance.

    I know, and that is a shame, Xbrad.
    If you guys were authorized, I would have flown to California, or whichever city that has Phat passed out in the airport bar, to take the oath

  82. Xbrad, you could administer the formal Hostage oath, yes?

    With a little help from Dolly, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a slightly dead hooker, yes.

  83. At 18 months I announced I was a truck. No one indulged my insanity and we’re all better off for it.

  84. ^^what león said^^

  85. I was dead for eighteen months when I announced to the world I was an otherkin corpse. My spirit animal is a fifth of Armagnac.

  86. Hey, I didn’t get a slightly dead hooker at mine!

  87. I think our discussion is dangerously on-topic for the post.

  88. We really have to organize and raise consciousness about the parentiarchy. Why do we allow parents to oppress children? Who says they don’t have the same rights as parents? If a child announces that he wants cake for dinner and wants to spend the mortgage money on pop rocks for the magic dancing bears, who are the parents to deny it?

  89. I got a slightly alive hooker. On credit.

  90. Scumbag-in-Chief.

    President Obama’s role during the Israeli elections was larger than reported, according to a pollster for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s Likud party.

    “What was not well reported in the American media is that President Obama and his allies were playing in the election to defeat Prime Minister Netanyahu,” John McLaughlin, a Republican strategist, said in an interview on John Catsimatidis’s “The Cats Roundtable” radio show broadcast Sunday on AM 970 in New York.

    “There was money moving that included taxpayer U.S. dollars, through non-profit organizations. And there were various liberal groups in the United States that were raising millions to fund a campaign called V15 against Prime Minister Netanyahu,” McLaughlin said.

  91. One of my kids asked the other day: “why am I not a girl?”

    We gave him a bit of talk about differences between boys and girls, and he went back to playing with his ninja turtle sword.

    Liberal parents would have held a coming out party and scheduled a sex change surgery.

  92. “Transgendered” toddlers are really just a parent’s way of saying that they’re ashamed of the sex of their child.

    The children should be taken from their family and placed into a loving home, not tortured and mutilated and humiliated to satisfy the mental illness of an adult.

  93. Worse yet: the family is Asian. PC madness knows no ethnic bounds.

  94. Absolutely Fabulous lampooned this crap exquisitely years ago. Edina went into a fantasy fugue state when she learned her granddaughter would be black… the ultimate fashion accessory! A mixed race baby… The Chanel of babies!

  95. “ninja turtle sword”

  96. Elton John urges boycott after Dolce and Gabbana come out against gay marriage, adoption.

    https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/fashion-article

    ROME, March 16, 2015 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Openly gay fashion legends Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana are facing a backlash of controversy for saying they oppose gay “marriage” and adoption, find in vitro fertilization unnatural, and believe procreation “must be an act of love.”

    “We oppose gay adoptions,” the two told the Italian magazine Panorama. “The only family is the traditional one.”

    “You are born to a mother and a father – or at least that’s how it should be,” Dolce said.

    “The family is not a fad. In it, there is a supernatural sense of belonging,” Gabbana added.

    The fashion duo expressed their vehement opposition to IVF, a technology that homosexual couples use to have children.

    “No chemical offsprings and rented uterus: life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed,” they said.

  97. ^^ Regarding the above, many gays I know have a close relationship with their mothers. Do they not think about that when searching for a rent-a-womb?

  98. “ninja turtle sword”

    Let’s add “camp” to non-sequiturs. FUN!

  99. I’m on the side of the guys who make dresses rather than the guy who wears one.

    Wait ’til Evangelicals do a buycott of D&G.

  100. Rent-a-womb Camp

  101. Can’t we all just get along, you racists?

  102. When D&G made their announcement there was a great disturbance in the Force, as if a billion lively outfits had been snuffed out.

  103. “I believe God isn’t done with America yet” ——Ted Cruz

    Wow. I must admit, I’ve wondered if he’s done with our bullshit.

  104. Hillary Fun Camp: Arbeit macht fries.

  105. Good for Zoe. I think I’ll go watch Guardians of the Galaxy again.

    http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/entertainment/2015/03/23/zoe-saldana-says-dolce-gabbana-boycott-is-stupidest-thing-doesnt-get-what-big/

  106. I want to see Cruz’s Harvard transcripts up against Obama’s transcripts.

    pfffffffft camp

  107. Okay people…so last night I was finishing up in the shower…rinsing the shampoo from my hair and I turn a bit to my left to see a farkin brown recluse in there with me. WTF?

    Where did he come from and why didn’t I spot him when I turned the water on?

    I had to swiffer my floor, under cabinets, and bed, before calling it a night. *puts sticky traps on shopping list*

    I thought brown recluses were called recluse for a reason. My master bath is crazy bright and the only place to hide is in the cabinets, under the sink – not the shower. No webs in either one.

  108. are you sure it was a recluse?

  109. Absolutely.

  110. Our last house was infested with them. You’re watching television – all the lights are on – and here comes a recluse, just strolling across the floor like he doesn’t have a care in the world. SMASH!

    I’ve only seen one or two a year, since we’ve moved here.

  111. My one year in St Louis there was an urban legend floating around about a girl with brown recluse spiders in her hair who kept complaining about pain and was brought to the doctor many times with only reassurances given. When they finally found her dead/or inshock (2 versions of the story) it was discovered she had a nest of brown recluse spiders in her hair. I’m sure that goes around every year or so.

  112. I think this year will be the year I have the place sprayed.

  113. Thanks for feeding my nightmares, Jimbro.

    Recluse spiders in your hair camp

  114. I’ve only seen them in my master bath and the dining room (a.k.a. former pig room), which is under the master bedroom.

  115. #BrownRecluseBrunch

  116. That’s a dumb story, how does anyone miss a nest of spiders in someone’s hair? And did she not ever wash her hair?

  117. I’ve never seen a recluse spider, however, my daughter was bit by one in college. YIKES. Her roommate was a slob and had a huge pile of clothes on the floor my daughter tried to move…boom spider bite.

  118. Better living in your hair than laying eggs under your skin.

  119. Leon, I’m begging you to never speak of that again.

  120. I think it was a racist doctor never looked under my girl’s dreadlocks or natural hairstyle story.

  121. A FB friend has a big douchey leftard friend….who in turn has a bunch of asshole lefty friends. They like to swarm the FB friend’s thread with sneering and superiority. Reminds me so much of certain a-holes I grew up with that I don’t understand why anyone tries to reason or debate them. Like I told the assholes, ‘Assholes, I don’t talk to rocks’.

    The conversation is still going on. Great info from the conservative folks. Snark and name-calling from the lefties….because they are so brilliant they can’t be lowered to discuss anything in a civil manner.

  122. Mare, I have dirty laundry on my bathroom floor. Once spring hits, I start shaking out each piece before carrying the load downstairs.
    Yeah, I’m too lazy to do it late at night.

    Btw, the husband and I are wondering what percentage of people bathe before going to bed? We do. My birth family does. My in-laws do not.

    There is nothing like being all clean and climbing in a nice, clean, bed.

  123. Jimbro, forget the doctor, there was noone in the family who could look?

  124. I shower in the morning only unless I’ve been doing something sweaty like mowing the lawn or else standing around a wood fire while cooking. Two reasons: Shower is a great wake up tool and my hair looks like shit unless I wash it first thing in the morning. That second concern won’t be an issue much longer.

  125. Oh, I know Beasn. Common sense would say someone, namely mom, should’ve been all over it. That wouldn’t be a good gossip story though!

  126. If I get bedhead, Pendejo, I just splash water in my hair in the morning, to tame it.

  127. That second concern won’t be an issue much longer.

    ——–

    ?? oooooohhhhhhhhhh, I think you mean a boner. I guessed that because about 90% of all your comments have to do with boners.

  128. But I like your comments, PD.

  129. Hullo, all! I think our animals must scare off all of the spiders.

    Fleas, OTH…..

  130. Wait… Is PD’s boner losing its hair?

  131. Send your recluse spiders over here. There’s a frog living in our atrium that would love to eat them.

  132. Bald Eagle/Arachnophobia Camp

  133. Why on Earth does #9 work for Dangleic.com?!!

  134. When I had the pigs, a fly landed in their cage once and made them poop their pants.

  135. Embrace hairlessness, Pendejo. It’s liberating.

  136. Ohh, hahahahaha, I read PD’s comment incorrectly. “That second concern” referring to his hair.

    hahahaha….oops.

    Forget the boner comment.

  137. FORGET IT!

  138. wait…. you put pants on your guinea pigs?

    http://tinyurl.com/cv3dkcr

  139. I do not talk about boners 90% of the time. Well…..maybe on Monday I do but it’s not my fault Leon posts all these chicks with dicks.

  140. PD, I’m sorry for besmirching your comments by saying they are often about boners.

  141. Mare be loco when you mention tools.

  142. Apology accepted. Now quit staring at my tool.

  143. NEVER!

  144. I get dirty working every day. Pre-bed showers are a must.

  145. Hawt

  146. Your mom borrowed PD’s tool.

  147. And returned in bad repair I might add.

  148. Always shower in the AM. PM showers are on a need to basis. My eyesight is so bad, shower spider would’ve killed me before I knew it was there. I ALWAYS check for shower spiders.

  149. wait…. you put pants on your guinea pigs?

    They sort of came with fur pants.

  150. Nothing like pissing people off on FB.

  151. There’s always pissing people off on twitter. Stupid birthers that are GOP/TeaParty are pissing me off.

  152. Afternoon, iceholes.

  153. What happened to the two Deadly Brown Recluse Spiders on the toilet seat?

  154. One got pissed off.

  155. There’s always pissing people off on twitter.

    I’m nearly certain that this is what twitter is for. It has little other purpose.

  156. Twitter is a pit for mocking your out group. I’m not saying it’s not fun, but the shine is off the apple for me after only a couple of months.

  157. A use for zombie possum?

    http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-03/acs-oat021915.php

  158. Stupid birthers that are GOP/TeaParty are pissing me off.

    People on our ‘side’ shooting down every damn candidate because they aren’t pure enough, is what pisses me off. Except Jeb. He pisses me off too and needs to go back to working for that obamacare beneficiary and STFU.

  159. Ronald Reagan can’t run for another 2 terms, so I’m pretty sure we’re screwed. He’s the only one everyone can agree on.

    I’m sure Drew finds him lacking somehow.

  160. I don’t know this Drew. Sounds like he should write for slate or salon during elections.

  161. I’ll take any one who will at least say they will balance the budget. If Ted “Great White North Hispanic” says he wants to”abolish the IRS thats fine. Good luck with that. I’ll get behind whomever will pledge to simplify the government and make it more accountable.

  162. I’m sure Drew finds him lacking somehow.

    Fuck Drew. I used to tolerate the guy, but he’s gone off the deep end one too many times for me.

    He’s the worst friend the Right could have. No one meets his exacting standards, so everyone is to be destroyed.

    Drew is the General of his very own personal circular firing squad.

  163. I pledge to simplify the government and make it more accountable.

    And to deliver my fresh, piping hot, gentleman’s brand sausage to Mila Kunis.

  164. I pledge to simplify the government and make it more accountable

    What about the candy?

    IYKWIS

  165. Is it a ‘gentleman’s’ sausage if it is delivered piping hot to an unsuspecting victim?

  166. Gentlemen prefer chloroformed blondes.

  167. Learn to spell rohypnol.

  168. They sell those vienna sausages in cool little cans.

  169. What about the candy?
    ————————————
    Every day will be candy day when I’m president.

  170. They sell those vienna sausages in cool little cans.
    —————————
    Those things are enormous.

  171. I’ll move the White House to Big Rock Candy Mountain.

  172. the occupants of the White House are already snorting those, xbrad.

  173. Mmmmmmm…. candy

    http://i.imgur.com/G5trBpx.gifv

  174. Heh.
    Is that the mayor Bisby?

  175. Not sure, but he looked like he was “on” some sort of “candy”.

  176. Fuck Drew. I used to tolerate the guy, but he’s gone off the deep end one too many times for me.

    Concur.

  177. http://twitchy.com/2015/03/23/what-race-demographic-could-ted-cruz-cost-the-gop-the-dnc-assists-with-concern-trolling/

    Stupid Dems and their sexism/racism. Thing is, it will work. They are getting the narrative out there that Cruz is anti woman, and it will stick with the LIVs. I’m waiting for the first Cruz missile from my libiot friends on facedouche.

  178. Speaking of “On the Candy.”

    There’s Geoff riding a…horse?

  179. Fuck Drew. I used to tolerate the guy, but he’s gone off the deep end one too many times for me.

    Good, I thought it was just me.

    Concur.

    We need a like button. We could hit those like muppets on crack.

    Or your mom.

  180. A bigger picture of my Gravatar.

  181. I’ll just leave this here for you:

    http://is.gd/xbEY7U

  182. What, no unicorn?

  183. Messicans don’t like Cubans. The gheys don’t like Cruz. Neither does the GOPe. I prefer him to Rubio.

  184. I like Cruz’s message but I don’t like his voice and the way he speaks.

    Seems totally insincere. But that’s just me.

  185. I’ve been very impressed with the way he speaks. But then Sarah Palin didn’t bother me either.

    I like his message, but I also like Walker’s results.

  186. I’ve always known what your Avatar is, and I think that it is way cool.

    Mr Wizard.

  187. http://tinyurl.com/qghl43v

  188. I fucking love 3d printing.

  189. Geoffs avatard looks like a Deviant Art copy of Vaughn Bode “Cheech Wizard”:
    http://tinyurl.com/md36esx

  190. Salutations, fagmasters.

  191. Dickbutt!!!

  192. Pupster needs that for his desk.

  193. I thought Fagmasters was a fraternal society.

    Oh wait, that’s Toastmasters.

  194. I love it when Beasn lays the smackdown on people on FB.

  195. Fuck Pupster (who?), I need that for my desk.

  196. Forget it, she’s rolling.

  197. Please tell me Meredith is getting a crash course in the Natural Rights of Man recognized in the Constitution.

  198. I thought Fagmasters was a fraternal society.

    Oh wait, that’s Toastmasters. your mom.

    Fixt

  199. Leon, the very first slap was by none other than Insty himself.

  200. And of course, any and all criticism is part of the War on Women.

    Impervious.

  201. The education of Meredith Shiner:

  202. Can’t slap a hysteric anymore, it’s misogyny.

    We need that now more than ever, though.

  203. “Stewardess, I speak jive!”

    Couldn’t do humor like that nowadays.

  204. Lack of freedom is progress. I heard that on Tumblr.

  205. “If God is so great, why can’t he get Trader Joe’s to open up a store around here? Huh?”

    Stuff Jefferson Said, Vol. VII, 50th Anniversary Edition

  206. I don’t know who Meredith Shriner is but she tweets stupid like a pro.

  207. I always knew Peter King was nuts:

    http://www.mediaite.com/tv/rep-peter-king-threatens-to-jump-off-a-bridge-if-cruz-gets-gop-nomination/

  208. “@YahooNews politics reporter”

    Yes, really.

  209. Comment by leoncaruthers on March 23, 2015 7:00 pm

    And of course, any and all criticism is part of the War on Women.

    Impervious.

    Aaaaaaaand…

  210. I’m absolutely convinced that a very small minority of people in this country have even a basic knowledge of history and our founding.

  211. But all those things said about her are probably true.

    So stop crying your vagina wielding tool.

  212. you not your

  213. Part of the Ayres plan Mare. Fucking hippies and the education takeover in this country.

  214. Put they know how to put a condom on a banana when they are in middle school.

    HUZZAH!

  215. My fingers are not working today.

    But not put.

    Screw it.

  216. Kids at work had never heard of Ides of March. One kid thought it was Eyes of March. Found out that the Shakespeare in HS dealio is no longer a thing.

  217. Friggen pathetic.

  218. OT I’ve never been a fan of Gingers. Used to bully them in school because I H8 freckles. I have a crush on Capt Flint on Black Sails and Jaime on Outlander. Kind of creeping myself out.

  219. Peter just gave me a reason to vote Cruz in the primary.

  220. I may drink tonight. The stupid is strong in universe right now.

  221. Amen Leon, vote early and often.

    I LOVE Jamie and like Flint (except when he’s tonguing another guy). My daughter is dating a ginger, we’ll see. (He’s a sweetie and universally liked by everyone. Also a physical stud.)

  222. Holy shit, I could have ginger grandchildren.

    WTFF????

    (Just kidding dicks)

  223. Oso going to Catholic school for 12 years, starting about 50 years ago, lots of Irish and Scottish cat lickers, so lots of gingers where I’m from.

  224. My dad wasn’t a true Ginger, but he had a Ginger beard and freckles. My sunburn on Maui left me with freckles, but I can’t see them. (Wonders if Dan is lying)

  225. I always drink on Monday, because we spend AM with MiL and I’m a horrible person. I was on my phone on Twitter at lunch. I wasn’t going to go, but Dan asked me to be there.

  226. My husband, when he doesn’t shave for a few days (only when he’s hunting or sailing) has a reddish beard. And he has some freckles.

    Obviously a spawn of satan.

  227. I always drink on Monday, because we spend AM with MiL and I’m a horrible person.

    ——

    hahahaaha

  228. Found out that the Shakespeare in HS dealio is no longer a thing.

    Why would they read plays written in English by Dead White Men?

  229. Do I look like a slut shamer, oso?

  230. If you don’t already listen to Dennis Prager University you should. All videos 5 minutes.

    On his radio show he talks a lot about the stupid crap kids are forced to read instead of the classics that contain such wisdom in order to make happy the diversity dumbasses.

    That sentence sucked but I’m a rebel and will not correct it!!

  231. My workout was a bitch today and then I can home and ate peanut
    M&M’s and ruined my progress.

    Stupid Rosetta.

  232. Your argument had no comeback because facts and shit. Ipso facto, you are a slut shamer. Hey…if the mattress back fits!

  233. If you do Shakespear’s histories you get a double lesson.

    Much better to get the cultural enrichment of dramatically reading passages from “I, Rigoberta Menchu”.

  234. My kid’s school did Shakespeare — in the Honors English classes that most kids don’t take. I had to call the school to get beasnette in. They said she wasn’t asked because of a notation that she was ‘quiet’ and it might overwhelm her. WTF? The dept. head agreed with me that there was no better way to get her to speak than to challenge her. She had the grades. Sheesh.

    I think all kids should have been exposed to her reading lists.

  235. Leon, exactly. The fact that their teachers are a bunch of C students doesn’t help. I bet they all know why the caged bird sings.

  236. Leon, Moron nerds are talking about Richard III’s re-burial today. Shakespeare was the paid shill of the Tudors.

  237. Hey…if the mattress back fits!

    Exactly. I like how she ignored that PP would still be in business and making a buck without tax dollars.

    Just stomped her feetses and left.

  238. I bet they all know why the caged bird sings.

    Hated seeing that on the girl’s reading list as a choice. How about some ‘A Tree Grows in Brooklyn’.

  239. Honors English at my HS was Senior year only. All English classes had Julius Caesar in 9th, Hamlet in 10th, and Macbeth in 11th. I don’t know what 12th was because my 11th grade English teacher wouldn’t sign off on my advancing to Senior English. He was a Ginger, too.

  240. Well I had to read Billy Budd taught by a nun who for some reason always said, “Billy Buuuuudd.”

  241. My workout was a bitch today and then I can home and ate peanut
    M&M’s and ruined my progress.

    At least you worked out. I pigged out on brownies and jelly beans yesterday and took a long walk.

    Today, no treats but too fatigued to do much of anything. Meh. I need a walkie buddy.

  242. He was a Ginger, too.

    ——

    hahahaha Obviously the ginger nation hates Oso.

  243. I read Shakespeare in high school. Still couldn’t tell you what a bodkin is. But there was that one guy whose name was “Bottom,” so that was pretty funny.

  244. Only literature I had in school, was in the 8th grade. My teacher was one of the last hold-outs before we went full deseg.

    Some mythology, stuff like Journey to the Center of the Earth, and some Edgar Allen Poe.

  245. They do. I’m still trying to see if I really have back freckles.

  246. Shakespeare was the paid shill of the Tudors.

    Henry Tudor is on my time-travel bitchslap list.

  247. I had AP British Literature and the MOST boring teacher I’ve ever had. I enjoyed the several lives of Falstaff in different books.

  248. My dad was a 2nd gen bibliophile. I grew up on all those dead white guys. Kipling, Dickens, Shakes, and the poets, too. EAP was a bedtime favorite. Tennyson and Robbie Burns tae.

  249. Actually that may not have been in my AP class.

  250. As seniors in college we got to take one course each semester as pass/fail. It was designed to encourage learning outside your major. I took a 400 level course of Shakespeare: The Tragedies and Comedies. After a few weeks I realized how much over my head I was. I explained my dilemma to the professor who must’ve known I was pass/fail and she took pity on me. She gave me copies of the plays on record and I used to listen to them with headphones while flipping through the text. At the end of the book I found $20.

  251. That’s good, Jimbro, I kind of like that idea.

  252. I took lots of film classes. They were actually quite awesome. American Studies classes, too. At UNM, Shakespeare was 300 level and split between Tragedies and Comedies. I took Comedies twice for pay.

  253. As someone who has a B.A. in English, I feel eminently qualified to say that reading is for losers.

  254. I see Greg Gutfeld will be helpful this election cycle.

    http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2015/03/wow-greg-gutfeld-rips-ted-cruz-after-presidential-announcement-its-always-been-about-him-video/

    Quick someone name a candidate who isn’t? And I don’t think Cruz is.

  255. I only read crap. I’m proud of that. My book sales are up 23%. My DVD/BLURAY sales are down 37%. Members still read. $1100 in stolen books last month.

  256. GOPe h8s the Cruzer.

  257. His not quite a filibuster shamed them for their spineless pussitude.

  258. I saw that segment while I was eating lunch, mare. And that’s the sense I’ve always had of Cruz, too. I don’t doubt that he has strongly-held beliefs. There’s just something about him that has always struck me as a self-promoter first and foremost.

  259. I think the Iranian mullahs wanted to tone down the death to America rhetoric while the negotiations were going on. But Obama insisted that he won’t negotiate unless death to America was back on table. The mullahs had to comply.

  260. Sean, I liked Romney and think he’s a good man and would have made an excellent President, but he was too damn quiet and humble. Unfortunately we need a self-promoter who will get. their. message. out. and stop letting the left-wing media define them.

  261. His dad is an evangelical preacher. Do we really want Elmer Gantry as president? (If the alternative is a commie, yes)

  262. Yeah, when politicians do things that the mainstream doesn’t like they are always spanked politically for it.

  263. We read some books in hs. I hated all of them because I was a lazy fuck. I kinda liked tale of two cities cause people were getting killed and shit. I might be a better American today if I hadn’t been so fucking lazy. Or maybe not.

  264. It bothered me a whole lot worse once I got to college that I’d forgotten about secant, cosecant, and Cotangent than that I didn’t know or care who the fuck hamlet was.

  265. The Romney family video they aired at the RNC showing what a tightwad Mitt was should’ve been viral. His sons teasing him for being frugal. That and Mitt being to much of a gentleman to take out the fat bitch Crowley in the second debate.

  266. What CoAlex said. And why does our side always beat our candidates to a pulp? Come voting time everyone thinks whoever sucks because even the right doesn’t like them.

  267. That’s what pissed me off about Romney..he didn’t fight back or have his people promote his positives. He was up against gutter punks.

  268. Gutfeld is obviously a racist and hate Cruz ’cause he is teh brown.

  269. My primary oppo to Cruz and perry is that the dems and msm will paint either of them as bush 45 because they’re from tx. And 53% will vote the other way because of it.

  270. The other 49 aren’t ready for another dose of tx. They’re loss.

  271. After a few weeks I realized how much over my head I was.

    My daughter felt that way too. So, I sat with her and we each picked several characters to be and read the plays aloud. Seems to make more sense to hear it.

  272. Pendejo, the msm is going to trash anyone who runs…except Jeb. They will lick his ass sideways until the general. Then they will hack him with machetes.

  273. Dude, Cruz is from Canada and we really don’t have to worry about 47% FSA. Fighting for the squishy middle.

  274. I’m beginning to like the idea of Walker/Cruz. Walker pulls slightly ahead because he has experience as a governor actually accomplishing shit.

  275. Beasn, cause plays. Hearing Shakes is the first step towards comprehension. Using a drunk Burton when you’re reading is the best.

  276. Si, CoAlex. Let the VP be the pit bull. The way God and the Constitution intended.

  277. Okay, I almost hate to pull out Reagan as an example, but things become cliches for a reason–because there’s some truth to them.

    Reagan was a fucking tireless self-promoter. He was an actor, so he had to do that. And then he had his teevee gig and the speeches he gave around the country on behalf of GE. And he used that stuff as a stepping stone into the governor’s mansion here. But he had charm. He could sell stuff–ideas, most importantly. And I’ve heard it said of him that he made people he was talking to feel like they were the most important person in the world RIGHT NOW.

    I’m sorry, but I don’t get that from Cruz. Maybe that’s a function of his age or (yes, this is an issue) his relative inexperience. You look at Reagan and you think, “Damn, that’s an affable mofo right there.” And by the time he ran for prez, he had a lifetime of incredibly varied experiences to draw upon. Cruz has a lot in common with Reagan, ideologically, but I feel like if I were to spend any amount of time with the man, I’d be getting a sales pitch about Ted Cruz. Having never met the man, I’m perhaps waaaaaaay off base, but that’s the read I get off him.

    Who knows? Maybe he’ll turn out to be a dynamite candidate and will do some good and undo a lot of the shit that Obama has fucked up and get his AG to clap a lot of the shitheels inhabiting 1600 Pennsylvania Ave into the federal pen. But I kind of doubt it.

  278. Oh, also…

    http://is.gd/80QYvo

  279. Brew says they’re pulling the plug on IB. I’m crying.

  280. Sean, I hear you. Plus a random Moron is right, he’s weaselly. He still articulates what I’m feeling (Not thinking but the feels) 95% of the time. He doesn’t poll watch. He doesn’t talk about hills or future debates. AKA kicking the can. He’s a fighter. I want a fighter. I want the FY,NQ candidate. I’m tired of Quislings and squishes.

  281. Okay, I almost hate to pull out Reagan as an example, but things become cliches for a reason–because there’s some truth to them.
    Reagan was a fucking tireless self-promoter. He was an actor, so he had to do that. And then he had his teevee gig and the speeches he gave around the country on behalf of GE. And he used that stuff as a stepping stone into the governor’s mansion here. But he had charm. He could sell stuff–ideas, most importantly. And I’ve heard it said of him that he made people he was talking to feel like they were the most important person in the world RIGHT NOW.
    I’m sorry, but I don’t get that from Cruz. Maybe that’s a function of his age or (yes, this is an issue) his relative inexperience. You look at Reagan and you think, “Damn, that’s an affable mofo right there.” And by the time he ran for prez, he had a lifetime of incredibly varied experiences to draw upon. Cruz has a lot in common with Reagan, ideologically, but I feel like if I were to spend any amount of time with the man, I’d be getting a sales pitch about Ted Cruz. Having never met the man, I’m perhaps waaaaaaay off base, but that’s the read I get off him.
    Who knows? Maybe he’ll turn out to be a dynamite candidate and will do some good and undo a lot of the shit that Obama has fucked up and get his AG to clap a lot of the shitheels inhabiting 1600 Pennsylvania Ave into the federal pen. But I kind of doubt it.
    ——————————-
    TL;DR:

    Cruz is like Reagan if Reagan turned into Huckabee.

  282. Would you rather hear Cruz or Bitchface? Cruz or She Who Lies Out Face?

  283. He’s a fighter. I want a fighter. I want the FY,NQ candidate. I’m tired of Quislings and squishes.

    ^^ In spades. ^^

  284. Cruz or I’m a Bush, I’m so good I don’t need the base.

  285. I prever Cruz to Huck. Cruz doesn’t have a dog torturing kid…yet. (Soon! He reads Seuss to his kids. Do we even know what TFG or the Mooch read to their kids? Communist Manifesto? Mein Kampf? Anything? Oprah’s Book Club?)

  286. Beasn – False choice. Walker, Cruz, Rubio, Pence and Jindal are the choices we should be discussing.

  287. I’d rather hear Cruz, of course. Thankfully, I am likely to have other options, though.

    Also, I should point out that whoever the eventual nominee is, my vote in the general is entirely symbolic.

  288. Prever? WTF? Mare’s fat fingers are contagious!!!!

  289. Macrodactyly contagiousum

    *shit Shakespeare wishes he said

  290. Heck, my vote in a June Primary is totes symbolic.

  291. Walker, Cruz, Rubio, Pence and Jindal are the choices we should be discussing.

    All better than anything on the other side. And we need to knock off the circular firing squad. You don’t see the ‘rats doing it. They come together and don’t bitch fight in public. And win.

  292. Alas poor Yorick, he had macrodactyly contagiousum.

  293. As HRC said in ’08: You don’t have to fall in love, just fall in line.

  294. Cruz is supposed to be on Hannity tonight. Either right now or in 20 minutes. Can’t remember what time he moved to.

  295. This story shall the good man teach his son;
    And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
    From this day to the ending of the world,
    But we in it shall be remembered-
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
    And hold their Macrodactyly contagiousum cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

  296. Oso loves Sean.

  297. Wow, I don’t get the sleazy all about himself feeling about Cruz. Just a pretty smart and confident lawyer, making a name for himself.

    Gutfeld wasn’t that hard on him.

  298. Branagh directed the live action Cinderella. He’s one of my fav Henry V

  299. St. Crispin, that’s a Night Ranger song, right?

  300. J’ames invoked the “L” word.

  301. Nice job, Sean. I love the scene right after that were we learn that the video game at the trailer park is actually a test to find star fighters to defeat Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada.

  302. That’s not it, MJ. Right after that Randy Quaid killed the alien ship.

  303. You people don’t even understand my Monday hell. Dan hid his wrestling addiction until after the wedding. I get Daily Dementia Diary in the AM and Wrestling at night. My MiL has always been very nice to me. That is why I feel so bad about spending time with her. Mostly it is about dealing with SiL stuff. I bite my tongue a lot.

  304. I was fortunate enough to see Shakespeare performed on stage at a fairly young age (starting at 12). I still appreciate them.

  305. He must have been great live.

  306. That part is good, MJ, but I always get a thrill from the part where Randy Quaid goes all Kamikaze and crashes his fighter plane into the Dauphin’s palace.

  307. That’s not it, MJ. Right after that Randy Quaid killed the alien ship.
    ——————————-
    Jay, you have it all wrong. It was Dennis Quaid, and he was injected into a person in a tiny little ship.

  308. Wait, I thought HS saw Shakes live?

  309. Dammit, Jay.

  310. Dennis Quaid used to have MMM quality abs. Breaking Away was eye candy back in the day.

  311. Okay, Cruz has the whole hour with Hannity in five minutes.

    Just saw Trump talking to Kelly Whatshername. He wasn’t a dick about Cruz.

  312. I wouldn’t know…Monday Night Raw.

  313. I love the scene right after that were we learn that the video game at the trailer park is actually a test to find star fighters to defeat Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada.

    You know, you couldn’t make that movie today either. Too jingoistic and patriotic and patriarchal and stuff.

    And it was fucking awesome.

  314. The Last Starfighter – Every boy should watch it.

  315. I get tired of all the movies we can’t watch today because OMG PC!!!! I want my fucking zip a dee do day day and I want it now!

  316. But there was that one guy whose name was “Bottom,” so that was pretty funny.

    There was that dude Hotspur; he had a really funny name. But I don’t recall the character being a grammar nazi.

    I once had swimming lessons from a woman named Ophelia.

  317. Why is Mcpo H8N on girls and the transgenders?

  318. A modern version of The Last Starfighter would have the main character hunting Antari Space Iguanas for the their pelts in order to get his starfighter.

    Either that or running around an arena teabagging his opponents.

  319. Goosebumps.

  320. Alex, a modern version of the Last Starfighter would have him join the Xur 3/4 of the way through the movie and help them defeat the capitalist empire of the Star League.

  321. It would not be titled The Last Starfighter but The First Starhealer.

  322. I think it’s important to watch this once a year or so, to remember what America was like when it believed in itself.

  323. Did anybody else see Fury? The end didn’t make sense to me.

  324. Cruz sounds really good, you guys.

  325. Sean, I haven’t watched. Too many people I don’t like started praising. Shia.

  326. I own a copy of that dreadful, awesome movie, Leon.

  327. Shia was actually kind of tolerable in it. No, really.

  328. … to defeat Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada.

    I love that people here know how to spell this properly.

  329. So, you’re saying rental? (Stream, On demand, Whatev)

  330. I love that wordpress doesn’t have the Nerd emoticon that I’m using on all you freaks on FB

  331. I’ve got TLS on the hard drive somewhere.

  332. Flash Gordon is on Hulu, I believe. Maybe Netflix.

  333. “No! Not the bore worms!!!”

  334. Do you suppose cover art girl had any idea what she was posing for here?

  335. It’s a real H2 evening when the thread touches upon tentacle pr0n.

  336. “This story contains oral, vaginal, anal, double-penetration, and more!”

    What, like, in the ear?

  337. I thought it fitting given the poat title.

  338. Dubcon?

  339. If Amazon is selling tentacle pr0n for Kindles, they ought to offer a waterproof model. Well, unspecified-fluid-proof.

  340. I don’t even want to know what dubcon means.

  341. Facecock

  342. Fury was ok. And yes, Shia was good. Really liked Brad’s character.

  343. In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu lies dreaming on his sofa with a Harmony remote, channel surfing for Skinemax.

  344. “Dubious consent.”

    RAAAAAAAAAPE CULTURE!!!!!!!

  345. What you do with cocks is your business.

  346. Fine. I’ll Redbox it.

  347. Sheesh, bring up pr0n and it turns into a sausage fest.

  348. Oops, Oso is here.

  349. Did anybody wonder how anybody else came across a certain e-book they’d written under a pseudonym today?

  350. Wiener fest. I have dibs on all inappropriate wiener/sausage jokes or comments.

  351. Sheesh, bring up pr0n and it turns into a sausage fest.Oops, Oso is here.

  352. So, like, there’s content in the book that might not be in the book, or might not be credible?

    Life is too confusing anymore.

    Sean, why did you write this? And did you meet the cover model? She looks cute.

  353. Oh man, if 10000 people will pay $2 for this I could change careers, crank out one a month, and get get a pay raise.

  354. Iran Nuke Talks:

  355. Death to America, Chrisp

  356. Dan doesn’t have any more skin cancers. Rosacea. What is the ONE possible cause he’s latched on to…yep, drinking bourbon. Guess who is getting cut off? Guess who mostly got cut off when Dan had gout? I’ll be drinking nothing but water soon. Pray for me.

  357. BTW G’night. Someone is usually needy after spending time with his mom. IYKWIMAITTYD

  358. The street lights aren’t on yet.

  359. I know. Blah blah TMI.

  360. The street lights aren’t on yet.

    Helluva euphemism.

  361. I’ll be drinking nothing but water soon. Pray for me.

    I’ll light a candle.

  362. I remember when you would need a “lamplighter” to get the “street lights” on.

  363. Maybe you should try Diet Dr Pepper>

  364. Fine. I’ll just go watch some One Tree Hill.

  365. Oh, thank God. I thought he would never leave.

  366. Side by side windows in the browser, bitch.

  367. There’s a fire beneath my skin
    There’s a fever that makes me ill
    Got a derp, a derp that kills
    I’ve got twenty four hours to live

  368. Tentacle Tuesday

  369. In a way, isn’t that Monday too?

  370. No, they don’t have tentacles. It is alleged that they have that other long t-word that ends in ‘cles’, but it’s not tentacles.

  371. I tried to find a classic movie scene illustrating my point, but no one has excerpted it from this.

  372. I think this wraps up why some are turned off by Ted Cruz (I’m still wrapping my head around this):

    http://www.nationalreview.com/article/415849/ted-cruz-should-try-speaking-people-instead-them-charles-c-w-cooke

  373. Go that way. Really fast.

    If something gets in your way… turn.

  374. Date for two people as estimated by Joanne Greenwald: $26.37.

    Inflation, yo.

  375. Ok, me being out of the house since – basically – Thursday means this house is a MESS.

  376. I thought Fury was pretty good. I didn’t even recognize Shia, so I think it did a pretty good job.

  377. I want that veggie past thing …

  378. New post.


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