80 years young! He still looks pretty good for a octogenarian, but I attribute that to his rigorous gardening and workout schedule, and a steady diet of mediocre tex-mex.
When are the fajitas coming? I’m hungry. It’s almost 4:30.
He sent me a telegram yesterday with instructions to crank up the ‘ol victrola to listen to this new smash hit.
March 8, 2015
Categories: alcohol, BADASSDOM, Books, Cheedy, Dan's Pickled Nutsack, Don't Talk Shit About Total, Earworm dammit, Foreignotica, Fukksize Ghey Slacker, Heavy Metal Thunder, hopey changey shit, I Will Kick Your Ass, John Galt, Microvag, Phone blogging, The Cat's Pajamas, Those Who Serve, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your Mom, Your mom likes this . . Author: MJ
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The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
04/25/17
I wrote to Hillary Clinton when she was the First Lady. Here is copy…
Dear Mrs. Clinton,
If you’d give President Clinton a blow job once in a while he wouldn’t put a cigar in a ladies (my mommy calls her a whore whatever that is) hooha.
Sincerely,
Mare
Prove I didn’t send that to her.
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
I can’t stop laughing.
I’m going to leave this right here:
http://tinyurl.com/o75zyvw
http://is.gd/eGEWZs
http://is.gd/QtW6a8
WASHINGTON — President Obama said Saturday that he had learned only last week that Hillary Rodham Clinton used a private email system for her official correspondence while she was secretary of state.
You don’t say…
http://is.gd/hM4F2Z
That story is an obvious lie.
He can’t learn.
In the portion of the interview that was released, Mr. Obama did not address how he could have avoided noticing that Mrs. Clinton was sending emails from a “clintonemail.com” address throughout the years she served in his administration.
Oreely?
Ted Cruz gave King Corn the finger in Iowa and was applauded for it.
In Iowa.
We’re in the universe with the Green Lantern, right? I didn’t switch when the clocks changed or anything?
It sounds like Spring out there.
Nice festival we’re having.
http://is.gd/8fAZOV
Wakey wakey.
Work was horrible last night.
With the time change, it’s still Saturday here.
With the time change, I have aged 5 years overnight.
Also, I can’t find my keys.
I’d been missing a set of keys for two days, but I found them this morning.
SPRING FORWARD MAGIC.
Also, to put a positive spin on the spring forward bs, I *do* get to leave work an hour early (via my body time) tonight.
CT may raise the minimum wage for tipped workers from $5.78 to $9.15 per hour. That’s after forcing paid sick days.
So if you have 20 employees, and are open 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, it will only cost the owner $262,080 per year.
What could go wrong?
You are an idiot if you try to run a business in this state.
I wouldn’t want to be a restaurant owner in CT.
Servers are going to get bigger sections, and make less – since the restaurants are going to HAVE to raise prices, and now folks will figure that they’re getting PAID and a tip is just extra (which some people already think, even though most waitstaff get a paycheck with ****** where the numbers are supposed to be.)
You have to 1) be a bad server and 2) be a moron to think this is going to work to the advantage of tipped workers.
I fucking hate you all
I always suspected Wiser was a thirteen year old girl.
Apparently too many of them “rely” on food stamps.
Not reporting income and abusing the system is more likely.
They aren’t “relying” on food stamps, but soon they will.
>>>>Apparently too many of them “rely” on food stamps.
“Connecticut: Open for Business”
Btw, I’m never going to Chili’s ever again. Two burgers with fries, and two Presidente margaritas: $47.
Fuck that shit.
Add Pepe’s Pizza to your list.
1 large shrimp pizza
2 bottles Sam Adams
$54.00
Couple of week’s back, we went to the Vietnamese restraint. 5 of us, plus appetizers and a couple of beers for me: $80, including tip.
>>>$54.00
Holy shit!
Yeah, let’s raise the minimum wage on servers.
Wait…that included tip.
So $53.00
Heh heh heh.
Service was horrible too. I counted 7 empty tables when they seated us at a table that I saw had been empty for at least 20 minutes.
There were at least 8 families behind us waiting for a table. Hostess just stood there, staring off into space.
In retrospect, we should have left and gone elsewhere.
It never used to be that bad, but they’ve changed, man. Nothing’s like it was when I was younger, when we would walk 25 miles to go to the only diner in 3 counties. They would serve an entire head of cabbage to each of us for just 3 ha-pennies each. And all the waiters wore onions on their belts, which was the style at the time…..
He’s going to have to lay off the fajitas.
Diabeetus..
I fed 4 buffalo at Waffle House for $50. If they would get a liquor license I’d never leave.
The “guy” we had serving us last time had his hair in a bun and was wearing a little eye makeup. This trip “he” was working the grill in full Tammy-Fay face-paint. I commented to Mrs. Buffalone that his mom probably didn’t help him learn to apply rouge.
“He” also overcooked my eggs.
Last time we went to Chili’s for lunch we split an appetizer, lunch meal (some kind of double burger) and had lemonade to drink. I can’t remember the total but it was under $30 with the tip and I didn’t feel like I was in a food coma.
$54 for shrimp pizza and beers is outrageous.
I gave your mom just the tip.
Tale of two Capital cities:
Austin, Texas 1960 when my family moved there:160,000 no suburbs
Hartford CT 160,000
Austin 2015 w/suburbs :1.9 million
Hartford CT : 125,0000
I just spread wood ash all over Laura’s garden. It’s dark grey now and melting like a mofo.
She plants peas on St Patrick’s Day.
125,000
Diabeetus..
>>>>Austin 2015 w/suburbs :1.9 million
Hartford CT : 125,0000
But does Austin have a gay mayor?
HAH!
Our favorite cheap meal, Pizza Hut large super supreme thin crust pizza, 1 tall beer, 1 wine, $19. Throw in a couple of salads when in the mood $26.
And pizza left over for lunch.
Going out for pizza dinner? Luxury. In my day, ketchup on cardboard was pizza dinner.
/GrampaWiser
Houston has a lady mayor who wears lumberjack shirts. Austin is sadly behind in that trend.
However, the Austin City Council is like Ringling and Bailey’s Clown College, so there’s that..
They are building a minor league baseball stadium in downtown Hartford. Two of finalists in the name pool?
Hartford Honey Badgers
Hartford Yard Goats
I am pulling for Yard Goats.
Years ago, I pulled a three inch shard of broken glass out of a Pizza Hut pizza.
Yard Goats fight song. http://is.gd/R3zruH
The amount of construction in Charlotte is shocking. There must be 2000 or 3000 apartment units being built.
The only reason we went to Chili’s is because they fucked up a take-out order about a month ago and I bitchedabout it on Twitter.
They contacted me and sent me $20 in Chili’s coupons.
I would complain about last night, but they would probably just send me more coupons and the horrible cycle would continue.
The only construction here is Gov’t funded.
Move to FL, TX, or SC.
Happy avoiding the Selma thing today.
Last time I looked it was still 2015.
Someone suggested naming them the Hartford 750s in honor of the expected average attendance per game
and the price of a beer.
Have you cleared the golf course of snow yet?
Scott – Hell no! We just got 7″ the other day. I’m just happy the temps are above freezing today!
We have 50’s in the forecast.
http://is.gd/SY9fEt
http://tinyurl.com/p47vwqp
Heh
heh.
4th grade humor for the win
We are going here for dinner: http://www.ashokaindiancuisine.com/
I will be surprised if we exceed $50 unless I go crazy with appetizers.
I might go crazy with appetizers. The chicken padokas are awesome and I’m supah hungrah
Good read:
http://accordingtohoyt.com/2015/03/06/winter-at-valley-forge/
Even better follow-up:
http://accordingtohoyt.com/2015/03/07/cake-or-death/
To hell with Sarah Hoyt. She keeps preaching the mantra of “in the end, we win and they lose.” Sorry sugartits, but in the real world, sometimes the bad guys win. The problem that we have now is that the GOP leadership is willing to lie through their teeth to conservatives in order to get votes. But if we primary one of their members, our guy gets no support, or even hostility from the rest of the GOP. Screw them, and screw her.
Oh, and Heinlein sucked.
http://tinyurl.com/n6splgv
http://is.gd/xPTYK7
*thud*
Oh hey Jimbro, nice one.
She could be a future BBF girl.
Karen Alloy
She is apparently a you tube comedian. I just watched a video where she reportedly drank her own breast milk after dipping a cookie in it.
Comment by Jimbro on March 8, 2015 4:45 pm
http://tinyurl.com/n6splgv
Cyn?
Isn’t “youtube” like “social”, in that it negates the word that follows it?
Social Science
Social Justice
Youtube comedienne.
And I’d rather watch her extract the milk rather than drink it.
I think you need to head over to you p0rn for that video
What a beautiful spring day!
Sunny, warm, the sun is still up after 5pm…
If it weren’t for the 4 feet of snow on the ground……
>>>>>I just watched a video where she reportedly drank her own breast milk after dipping a cookie in it.
Well.
You ruined that quickly.
It was a tasteful Modern Art masterpiece.
Well that was nice Jimbro.
I’d like to read Marc Antony’s famous soliloquy to her.
I just reattached a gutter to the house.
Fun fun fun
Like you know how to read.
He’s trying to figure out a way to sneak her into the tree without the rest of the Keebler Elves finding out about the whole milk and cookies thing she does.
He can spell soliloquy, I’ll bet a fiver he can read.
70 degrees today. Kind of nice day to drive around with the windows open and the sunroof cracked.
All of the asshole drivers were out.
I can’t really read but I can divine your thoughts.
Jimbro! Quit thinking about what it would feel like to be impaled.
That’s just gross.
http://is.gd/2Tn6fP
We went to 4 parks before ending up running the dogs on the mesa. Too many people out with their dogs and kids. MaryAnn was drive- by barking at all the sidewalk dogs.
http://is.gd/HKL0wV
Weiner dogs rule.
Pew pew pew!
Scott that was hilarious.
MJ, in Great Britain they are called Sausage Dogs.
In Canada they are Tube Steak Dogs.
In Australia they are called wallaby dingo mate on the barbie things.
Glad they’re not Gentleman Sausage Dogs.
Gross.
I’ve been calling them gentleman snausages.
In the White House, they are called, “Dinner”.
I need to get video of MA backing out of the kitchen. She’s afraid of her image in the new stove.
Greetings, ladies and gentlemen and sausages.
Hola, Sean.
Buenas noches, amante de los perros!
All this time I thought your name really was MCPO. Next you’ll be telling me that XB’s name isn’t Brad.
I don’t cook (Shocka) and Dan gets all blah blah blah and a little snarky about cooking ALL the time. Me: What’s for dinna? Dan: What did you prepare? Me: (Oh God not this bitchy stuff again) Let’s get burgers. Fin.
Good thing the header pic isn’t Miss Israel and Miss Lebanon. Awkward.
Next you’ll be telling me that XB’s name isn’t Brad.
In anticipation of the surgery, he’s going by “Brandi” now.
http://is.gd/a1qtzX
Last time we went out for Messican food: 75$. Dan had the 3 item combo, I had the fajitas. Bar was full, but our server gave us the Happy Hour House Margarita price=2 margs a piece and a post HH Dos Equis Amber. (Dan is always trying to get me to drink water when we go out to save money.)
Maybe he just wants you to stay hydrated.
Sean, we do live in the high desert. That must be it. Nothing to do with him being tight. (3 of our Pre-Cana classes dealt with finances and emotional issues with money. Who knew a Catholic fill in the blank test would be so accurate?)
BTW Dan did acknowledge that I was kind of crazy, so he essentially lost that out in case of a future annulment.
I H8 puns. Worst thing about having dachshunds…stoopid puns. Dan: Hey, do you want to Favre a picture of my wiener?
A punner would pick a pocket, sir!
Is this the place a girl can get a tube of skin filled with meat?
But I mean that in a nice way.
GRRRRR
I know COAlex wants to keep Dan in the event of a divorce, but really!!! Dan: How about tacos for dinner? Me: Sure. I like tacos. Dan: I knew that. Fin.
Is this the place a girl can get a tube of skin filled with meat?
hominahominahomina
The nice thing about taking the back road from San Diego to Palm Desert is all the great spots to dispose of the dead hookers.
I hear the back road to Rim Country is amazing. That’s what your mom told me, anyway.
Sean shots. . . he SCORES!!!
You have no idea how accurate you are.
GrandpaWiser always said to bury ’em deep.
http://is.gd/b6LmYo
Painstaking layers, Cyn. Pains. Taking. Layers.
*winks and gives you the fingergun*
http://is.gd/StrGxA
Sean FTW
FB people need to read DiTs link at TBR. His daughter wrote an awesome story and was recognized by the Austin Chronicle. Mebbe someone with skills can link here.
That’s something one of my favorite olde-tyme internet comedy writers, Jay Pinkerton, used in this:
http://www.jaypinkerton.com/blog/archives/000735.html
Dan DVRd SNL for me. BRB
Dan wagging Sam’s Club peanuts at me: Want some peanuts?
Peanuts are for closers.
MMM shed-yuled for 516am.
In Oso/Dan speak tacos and Fish sticks are ghey. Church Lady and South Park. Hot dogs are always ghey.
WTF is TBR?
Taco Bell run.
To be rontinued.
Tabst Blue Ribbon
Tantric butthole relaxation
Sorry. Private group on FB. Hostages. Dave’s daughter won a writing award and DiT linked it there not here.
Well, LA TE DA
When did Dave get so fancy?
IKR?
Thanks Oso.
*everybody else would see a gif of a middle finger if it was possible to copy and paste on an Apple iPad mini*
TBOM showed up on FB the other day.
Dan called his mom and told her we would be by tomorrow to take her to lunch, the bank, and MVD Express. She just called back asking when we’d be there. She got dressed and ready. I am so ready to bypass SIL and just TCOB.
Nobody will know what that means,
I think we may have reached peak acronym.
RPA
IHNIWAOTM
I’m really tired of being lousy tech support. Computer is still kaput.
Also, who turned off the System Restore so I have nothing to go back to?
Wow.
Never paid $75 for two person Mexican food in my life.
Not seeing any problems here. What am I Oso-translating?
TJ, it was Gardunos and booze.
TCOB = ?
Roamy,
My last hack altered the registry so that system restore was unavailable.
Pissed me off. Machine is still fucked-up.
I can’t play videos, sound don’t work. Many apps are fucked. It’s nice hardware, but, If I could save mail and documents, I’d be tempted to go to Windows-10.
Maybe I’ll just go to Costco and get a laptop…
Two Person Mexican Food would be an awesome euphemism for some kind of dirty sex.
Taking Care Of Business. Acronym and earworm.
Sean, Dan did have the 3 item combo IYKWIMAITTYD. (I have no idea. Funneh)
ChrisP, mine will boot up, but nothing will run. I open Firefox, it sits there with a blank page for a couple of seconds then closes itself. Same for IE.
Did anybody set out to prove to anybody else that Coinstar was so a viable retirement strategy today?
I finally said screw it and tried to recover from the partition, but that’s not working either. Maybe that’s a three-strikes-you’re-out deal.
It’s a 6-year-old laptop, so I’m not going to feel too bad about replacing it.
Presses 1 for English when Roamy speaks.
*hands Roamy a baseball bat*
http://youtu.be/eF8c3BjFWsw
(volume!!11ty!)
I adore Roamy. I ignore the Braves love she shares with BCoch.
*hands Roamy a baseball bat*
“PC Load Letter?!?!?”
wham wham wham
Oh, that’s much better, thank you
Hand-off to Chrispy too.
I’m going to Louisville. Getting a personalized slugger. OMG y’all
SiL is insisting on going on any “Money” meetings. Dan and I could GAF. She just doesn’t get that we don’t GAF. If she wants to go, she can take MIL. We’re the same way with my Mom. I’m ready to cut a bitch.
I don’t care where MiL decides to live. I just want her safe. SiL is trying to go cheap and move her into the hood. I am so fucking pissed right now. Dan is responsible for 90% of the care. SiL and Aunt Jackie can kiss my ass.
MiL is a chicken freak. I H8 CHKN. Every day off Dan and I have together are spent with MiL. Eating CHKN. Popeye’s, Claim Jumper, Outback, KFC, McDonald’s. All CHKN all the time.
FACK!!! Dan is friends with familia on FB. He’s asking me questions about my Aunt Cece’s BF and how he’s related to us on FB. Me: He’s my mom’s ex-boyfriends younger brother who is related to the Lucero sisters that married Sheriff Brady. (Why does our tree not branch? Kerrigan’d)
Someone let me know when the blog language is set back to English.
My role lately is supporting Dan. I am so ready to tell SiL off. I hope MiL lives long enough to drain all savings from the estate and to give SiL and her loser kids the big FU.
Someone let me know when the blog language is set back to English.
Don’t look at me. I just derp here.
I never used to cry ’cause I was all alone
For me, myself and I is all I’ve ever known
I never felt the need to have a derp to hold
In everything I do I take complete control
31 degrees… supposed to hit 40 something – hopefully this is not just a foul ruse
the rivers are completely iced over – should lead to some impressive ice dams and flooding when it breaks
http://tinyurl.com/newqjfy