Funneh for a Saturday

I dusted these off from 2007 and 2008. Enjoy.
enthusiasm

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hillary campaign
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hillary-closer
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hillary%20not%20amused
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hillaryneeds
Feel free to push this poat down like the nerd by the monkey-bars.

223 Comments

  1. Don’t forget Daylight Savings Time tonight.

  2. http://www.examiner.com/article/hillary-clinton-leaked-intel-to-hurt-israeli-war-plans-says-watchdog-attorney

    Are there any allies Obama hasn’t shit on?

  3. We should get Chumpo to make this movie.

    Who wants to help me write a script?

  4. Also this poat is hideous and ugly.

    By monday you’ll be begging for trannies.

  5. Monday? I’ll take a dose of trannies now. Tastefully done of course. Maybe some Filipinos?

  6. I miss 2007 and most of 2008.

  7. There are two churches for sale near me (“near” in my world is within 6 miles of the farm). One looks like it was supposed to be a giganto megachurch in the Joel Osteen vein, and the other looks like a much more modest affair, and is right next to a welding supply shop.

    Which one should I buy and make into a CrackFat?

  8. I need to write a paper today for an informal presentation over beer on the 26th. Going to explain genetic algorithm and give an example that I did as homework… ack, 7 years ago.

  9. Buy it and make your own church. Do it for the tax benefits.

    The Church of the Abvein

  10. I’d do crackfat in a former megachurch.

  11. A friend goes to a mega church. I get that it’s dynamic, and has lots to offer,but she’s coming up against what I see as the unavoidable downfall. The ever-growing pride and distance of the “clergy”. They grow fat and rich, taking vacations… their sermons start to ring hallow. Now, they’re grooming their son to be the next leader of the church.

    Of course they are, right?

  12. wakey wakey.

    My crackfat is moving to a bigger local. A little further for me.

  13. The megachurch is a little out of my price range:
    http://religiousrealestate.com/property/belleville/

  14. I bet you could talk them down a bit. That’s got to be a bitch to heat while it sits unused.

  15. Now, they’re grooming their son to be the next leader of the church.

    Of course they are, right?

    And people bitch about priestly celibacy as a discipline.

    Yeah, it’s just awful.

  16. Both of them have way more than I’d need for a gym. The mega one would make a great school or retreat or something, though.

    That said, the school at my church couldn’t stay open, so I doubt the economy could support it.

  17. Jimbro, there’s a medical office for sale not far from me. Probably dirt cheap by now.

  18. Yea,Leon, I don’t really know what to say to my friend. I mean she sees it … but the perks of the church … the Christmas service is a show.

    Meh. I get it, I do. And she is very biblical, religious. She just doesn’t see it. That mega and religion don’t go very well together, and mega churches are basically a celebration of that.

  19. Leon, you and I could probably do a kick ass gym together. We’d cover all the bases.

  20. I bet we could. Locations I’m talking about are terrible, though. Too far from optimal gym demographics. OTOH, there’s no real gym in my area at all, just a Snap Fitness and a Curves.

  21. She should come visit me for the Easter Vigil.

  22. Curves is the biggest scam ever. I hate it when someone tells me they go there.

  23. I’d tell a woman to go to CrossFit before a Curves.

  24. Yea, she’s rather anti-Catholic. I don’t get into it with her. Something about her husband’s family was catholic … and they were hypocrites or something.

  25. Not uncommon among protestants. I’m sure they don’t have hypocrites in her church either, which must be nice.

    Analogy: I don’t go to that gym, there are fat people there.

  26. Sigh, yea, that’s why I don’t talk to her about it.

  27. What I really ought to do is buy the restaurant around the corner and make it a Waffle House.

  28. I thought Crossfit was your religion, Carin.

  29. It’s not my religion, but God did gaze upon it and say it was good.

  30. You and Carin could buy the mega church building and start “Camp Crossfit”, Leon. Carin could do the Zumba and you could do the weights.

  31. I bet you could even get gov’t. grants.

  32. It’s a cult.

  33. Leaving for Florida on Thursday. MJ, you gonna be around?
    —————-
    I’m in Charlotte most weekends this month. Sarasota the last weekend, though.

  34. Of course … if we claimed it was religious, we could go non-profit for tax purposes …

  35. I have considered engaging an accountant to figure out the math on a not-for-profit or non-profit gym, something like the Y.

  36. Brother Leon, has a nice ring to it.

  37. If all of us chip in a little we could buy that church and create a new religion based on working out, gardening, your mom, and recipes.

    On Sunday’s we’ll gather in the place where they hold the service and watch football.

  38. OMG, MJ is a GENIUS.

    But we need to include chickens.

  39. Leaving on the 12th, returning on the 18th. Just a quickie. We’ll be in St. Pete Beach.

  40. And kittahs

  41. I was just there last weekend. Damn.

    Check out the Seahorse for breffis.

  42. Mmmmm. Kitty chicken.

  43. Cyn, the early years:

  44. I’ll be in Middletown Ohio the weekend of the 20th.

    Of course, no one lives there.

  45. How did that happen? Thought I was just posting a link…..

  46. St Sofa’s Church of the Immaculate Reception

  47. Will check it out. We’ll be staying with friends who live in Pass-a-Grille on Vina Del Mar Island.

  48. I’d buy near the welding shop, in care you need to add torture dungeons later.

  49. It is a slightly better location in general, TJew. Two of the slightly busier roads meet near there, and there are also two restaurants and a couple of gas stations. The mega church is almost in the middle of nowhere, even speaking relatively.

  50. As the wise old indian once said “Only the government could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, then claim that the blanket is longer.”

  51. Middle of nowhere is perfect for Camp Crossfit and future apocalypse retreat. You could also have Laura’s organic garden and Scott’s Brisket Bistro. Laura could also run the infirmary for the inevitable injuries. MJ’s juice bar. Charge people big money to come in for a week long introductory course.

  52. Plus guns.

  53. It’s on 19 acres. Plenty of room for crops and livestock.

  54. Anyone got a million-five to offer for it?

  55. *looks in wallet*

  56. I could add a Finnish sauna. That will get very popular as the ice age continues.

  57. OMG, MJ is a GENIUS.
    ———————————–
    Check’s in the mail, sugartits.

  58. Girl Scout cookies are a scam. Hahahahahahaha.

  59. I don’t like football and am allergic to kittehs. Nice inclusive joint you’ll be running there.

  60. Girl Scout cookies are a scam.

    How much are they up to these days? Keebler has the equivalent for $2 when they go on sale.

  61. Though Keebler puts dairy ingredients in their cookies.

  62. IT’S ABOVE FREEZING!

  63. Beasn in charge of relaxation therapy featuring her guinea pigs.

  64. Sunny and 61F in Payson.

    I need to spend about a week up here.

  65. Forgot to add Beasn’s “Straighten up and fly right” life counseling service.

  66. How are you holding up?

  67. A little rough but okay. My first time up since she passed.

    She’s made it a beautiful day.

  68. Now I needed to try to remember where the 9 volts are… there’s a smoke detector that is about to get a beat down.

  69. No batteries yet but I found the vodka. HELLO!

  70. Plug the vodka into Cyn, not the smoke detector.

  71. I’ll just leave this here for everyone:

    http://is.gd/PR46HV

  72. Oh.

    Right, right, right.

  73. All of our smoke detectors had accidents with broom handles.

  74. Admit it. Whenever Insty links one of his “Teach women not to rape” posts, you click through to see what the teacher looks like.

  75. Show posted.

    It was fun making fun of a state senator to his face.

  76. 31 here with a gradual increase this week. 4-8 inches of snow next weekend.

  77. I need to shovel a path to The Egg. Have not seen that grill in weeks.

  78. I decided that winter is over and put away the snow blower.

  79. Show posted.
    It was fun making fun of a state senator to his face.

    Where at? That I want to see.

  80. >>>>Where at? That I want to see.

    You do understand the concept behind radio, correct?

  81. Admit it. Whenever Insty links one of his “Teach women not to rape” posts, you click through to see what the teacher looks like.

    Guilty.

  82. You do understand the concept behind radio, correct?

    You do realize that lots and lots of radio shows also vidcast, correct?

    And fine….Where at? That I’d like to hear.

  83. >>>>And fine….Where at? That I’d like to hear.

    It was nothing major. He showed up late because of a parade and I gave him a hard time about needing a watch.

    And no way I’d video-taping my radio show. That’s just silly.

    Stevenoxonradio.wordpress.com

  84. Forgot to add Beasn’s “Straighten up and fly right” life counseling service.

    If the guinea pig therapy doesn’t work, the green fist of ‘tired of your shit’, will. On the opposite side of wherever the cats are.

  85. Coughed hair. Lovely.

  86. Stevenoxonradio.wordpress.com

    Gracias

  87. Nice save, Leon.

    http://is.gd/mK6eOf

  88. Where did TiFWs comment go?

  89. That screwed me up too. Looks like she deleted it.

  90. Has MJ posted a Heath bar yet?

  91. >>>>
    http://is.gd/PR46HV

    BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    Oh man, I’m crying here…..

  92. http://is.gd/rvISda

  93. http://is.gd/rvISda

    A guy in a fursuit. Frolicking with other guys. In fursuits. Does your wife know about this?

  94. I’m not sure what Dickflussing is, but I’m pretty sure it involved a San Fran bathhouse.

  95. Waiting to be seated at Chili’s with wiserbride.

    Guy walks in with his young son.

    Kid points at me and says “Grandpa’s already here!”

    FML

  96. Good day, hip, with-it young people and wiser.

  97. HA HA HA

  98. I bet Wiserbride lost it.

  99. Did you hike up your sans-a-belts and grumble something about “dadgum kids” when that happened?

  100. Moved my comment to the Prayer tab – since nobody made any comments after I did, I was afraid I had committed some Hostage posting faux pas.

  101. Wiser, did you have an onion on your belt?

  102. Wiserbride is still laughing.

    Just saw “Grandpa.”

    He’s easily 65-68 years old and heavy. Really heavy.

    Little bastard.

  103. >>>>>Wiser, did you have an onion on your belt?

    Nah. Not tonight. That’s for more formal events.

  104. I bet you have more hair than Grandpa has.

  105. And hey, at least your kids are behaving themselves and haven’t made you a grandpa for real, Yet.

  106. Give the boy a piece of hard candy. A Werther’s Original, if you’ve got one.

  107. Just finished the Vancouver beer tour. Great time. I was the only non-local, which was cool.

    Drinking a steam works jasmine IPA.

    Very nice.

  108. I need to move to Payson. I’m back in the Valley and cranky already.

  109. Skyped with Rocketboy today. They are gearing up for St. Patrick’s Day, and the tradition is to carry a stick for beating snakes. I don’t know if this is true, or if it’s a good stunt to pull on a freshman, but his stick is supposed to be taller than he is and bigger diameter than his hands can reach around. So basically he’s carrying around a telephone pole.

  110. Seriously, the guy looks like Wilford Brimley

  111. >>>>>>I bet you have more hair than Grandpa has.

    You lose.

  112. Payson’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, what with all the unexplained disappearances and murd–

    Perhaps I’ve said too much.

  113. beating snakes

  114. Dammit Sean, what else have you heard?!

  115. *hugs Cyn for a somewhat inappropriate length of time*

    *slight squeeze at the end and a sigh*

    *pulls a quarter from behind her ear as a laugh*

    *produces a little nipper size vodka bottle from behind her ear too, more laughs*

    *pulls a regular size vodka bottle from behind her ear*

    *produces a bartender that looks like Chris Hemsworth, a pony, seventeen thousand dollars, a massaging recliner, and a personal assistant from behind Cyn’s ear*

  116. I don’t know if this is true, or if it’s a good stunt to pull on a freshman, but his stick is supposed to be taller than he is and bigger diameter than his hands can reach around. So basically he’s carrying around a telephone pole.

    That’ll win him points with the ladies.

  117. 8-bit style game

    http://campus.mst.edu/emctest/snakeinvasion/

  118. *produces a bartender that looks like Chris Hemsworth, a pony, seventeen thousand dollars, a massaging recliner, and a personal assistant from behind Cyn’s ear*

    Best trick ever.

  119. CoAlex,
    Last night you asked about Dicks spouse at Aces.
    It’s “Danger Girl”.
    I had already shut-down…

  120. Jimbro, I just sent you an email. Earth shattering bee related invention.

  121. Why not seventeen thousand and one dollars?

    *hides from swift and deadly punishment which is sure to follow*

  122. No change?

  123. I saw that a couple of weeks ago and sent the link to my beekeeper friend. It’s pretty innovative but pricey at this point. I like the idea of being able to harvest honey without disturbing the hive. Maybe I’ll get one in the future if they catch on.

    http://tinyurl.com/p2jh6hx

  124. *produces a bartender that looks like Chris Hemsworth, a pony, seventeen thousand dollars, a massaging recliner, and a personal assistant from behind Cyn’s ear*

    Marry me.

  125. I’ll see if my bees made it through the last cold stretch when it warms up this week. About a month ago we had a warm, sunny, not so breezy day and they were flying around a bit.

  126. Right, bees take their ‘cleansing flight.’ I’m glad humans don’t do that whenever there’s a warm break in Winter.

  127. Marry me.

    OK.

  128. Hey!

  129. Hi!

  130. How long have you been standing there?

  131. Don’t worry, Scott. I’m sure she’ll share.

  132. Hilarity ensues.

  133. Where did grandpa go?

  134. shaddup

  135. Wiserbride isn’t going to let this go.

  136. I’m more concerned about wiserdaughter

  137. It’s funny. You would find it hilarious if it were someone else.

  138. MCPbud

  139. Anyone else watching ISU vs TCU in a Ft Worth high school gym?

  140. A local radio station plays “You’re the one that I want” on a regular basis. So I found this pretty funny.

  141. http://is.gd/SPC3OY

  142. ~Waves~

  143. Heh, Colex, love the setup too.

  144. Anyone else watching ISU vs TCU in a Ft Worth high school gym?

    WHO TOLD YOU

    *prays that safe house isn’t compromised*

  145. http://is.gd/GJ9d61

  146. I thought Sir CoAlex was going to migrate to the H2. I guess he only likes big butts at the HQ

  147. I don’t want to muscle in on Leon’s territory.

  148. *prays that safe house isn’t compromised*

    psst, check the vents

  149. The call is coming from inside the safe house!

  150. Wheeeee!

  151. Payson is beautiful and I’m glad your mom was there with you today. Love you, Cynabuns.

  152. Just in case you folks wanted to go create some havoc….this just happened on the ONT…

    5
    Try not to turn this into a black dick, thread, ya?

    That’s what they do over at The Hostages. And we are not The Hotsauges.

    Posted by: please dont squeeze the soothie at March 07, 2015 10:09 PM (m7WCP)

  153. Already responded.


  154. Actually, over at The Hostages we mostly just do your mom.

    Black Dicks are only for Black Dick Thursday. And your mom usually hogs them all anyway.

    Posted by: Colorado Alex at March 07, 2015 10:11 PM (10ydV)

  155. I see it CA.

  156. I’m banned. But so far the only danger here in the safe house is from all these traps laura has set for me. And I’ve built up a resistance to hump toxin. So I got that going for me.

  157. LOLOL I love you guys. Don’t forget, Chris Hemsworth hosting SNL

  158. Love you back, Osohoneybear

  159. *waves hi at Cyn*

    Did I already miss the debriefing?

  160. 50 Black dicks? That’s only on Mondays, and they are disguised.

    Posted by: Jay in Ames at March 07, 2015 10:21 PM (2kmsv)

    LOLOL, I just peed a little.

  161. Debriefing would mean that I had to brief, and that would have been a waste of a Saturday.

  162. *swoons*

  163. makes it rain: http://is.gd/liNYpv

  164. From Facebook last night:

    My gay friend said that he and his significant other have date night at the crazy horse (titty bar) and he said and I quote:

    I stopped and got a roll of quarters. ..imma make it hail. …..

  165. So, go get some chinese food, or leftovers (good ones, though)?

  166. I stopped and got a roll of quarters. ..imma make it hail. …..

    +1. Golf clap. Well played!

  167. Black Dicks? MJ??

    http://tinyurl.com/nvlrzff

  168. Not enough felt for him.

  169. We’ve been talkin’ about where to retire to, as we’re getting old and the acreage is getting to be difficult to maintain.

    Looking at this winter, we can rule-out anywhere the NE.

    We don’t deal with the “Frost-Bite Falls type cold, not Montana, or even anywhere in the upper center of the country.

    Any recommendations, perhaps an acre in the ‘burbs without a punishing winter or a baking summer?

    Yeah, Belize or Costa Rica?

    I don’t know where to go and we have all this “Stuff”!
    FML…

  170. >>>>>It’s funny. You would find it hilarious if it were someone else.

    Oh, I do find it incredibly hilarious. When the kid said it, I didn’t realize he meant me. Then his father looked at me, mortified, and said “that’s not grandpa.”

    As he was apologizing, I was stifling a laugh.

  171. ChrisP, you already live in a Blue State. NM has lots of opportunities if you are already used to D-rats.

  172. Did anybody start to wonder if maybe they were the only person who could see anybody else today?

  173. Oso,
    WA is a “Blue State” because of King County. They count the votes, and Seattle is hopelessly “Hipster DoucheBag”.
    If the rest of the state could lose King County, it would be Red…

  174. We are a pretty good bug-out state if you don’t want to leave America.

  175. Sean, don’t fuck with my invisibility cloak. Just sayin

  176. There’s still lots of space around Flagstaff, Chrispy. Though there’s snow in the wintertime, beautiful mountains and nice pines. You might also like our Rim Country (SYWM). There’s real seasons unlike Phoenix.

  177. Anyone else watching ISU vs TCU in a Ft Worth high school gym?

    That gym isn’t affiliated with a specific high school; it’s a stand-alone gym which can be used by multiple schools as needed. Fort Worth has two centers like that in the city – they both have football stadiums and gyms.

    I guess it saves on maintenance costs for the FWISD; instead of having to upkeep 9 or 10 HS stadiums, they only have to deal with 2 (each school has practice fields and small gyms, just no seating for crowds)

  178. Cyn, sshhhh…people don’t know about the Rim Country.

  179. Our little secret.

  180. So….oso and Cyn have a secret involving rimming?

    Well then.

  181. I had a total blonde/guerra moment. I really thought I was “Falling” back tonight and gaining an extra hour of sleep. Denial. Trying to get Dan to DVR Thor on SNL. On Demand won’t have Zac Brown band.

  182. Bcoch…welcome to the great SouthWest…

  183. I was wearing my baby oso shirt with the big C for Connie again today. Once again…I was mistaken for a Cub fan. WTF. I had to talk baseball for 30 minutes. Brutal Member service.

  184. Lol. Gotta any good eats out there?

    *waits for it*

  185. Comment by osoloco11 on March 7, 2015 11:26 pm

    Cyn, sshhhh…people don’t know about the Rim Country.

    *scene opens with two cowboys riding along a canyon*

    Cowboy 1: It’s a secret, this place. And we like it that way.

    Cowboy 2: I’ve been here all my life. Was born to this life and I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing.

    *Cut to cowboys standing on a hilltop watching the sun set.*

    Cowboy 1: I didn’t think I’d like it out here, but I’ve been going on nigh twenty years in this life and I intend to die this way.

    Cowboy 2: It’s having a good partner that makes it work. That makes it special.

    *Cowboys embrace, slowly drop down out of the frame*

    Announcer: You’re always welcome… in Rim Country.

  186. Dude, my Rim Country involves more watching out for elk and eating great burgers and drinking cold bear.

  187. WTF autocucumber? I totes typed beer

  188. >>You’re always welcome… in Rim Country.

    Nailed it.

  189. Nailed it.

    Not yet. That’s scene 2.

  190. Chris P.
    Florida if you do not want to live on the coast has some very affordable living with few taxes and good weather. The Big Bend area, Okeechobee, and most of central Florida are nice (Other than the Orlando area)

    Texas is fantastic and prices are good away from the big cities.

    Panama is very American friendly and one can live minutes from the coast in a mansion for under $100k. Also the land is yours unlike other Central American countries that do not allow foreigners to own property.

    Honduras is a scrappy pro American country, and Belize as well. The advantage to Honduras in they have both coasts, while Belize mostly understands English.

    My $0.02

  191. Vman, I’m not ready to concede to Belize and Honduras. Spiders and snakes. See also FL.

  192. FL is the Australia of the continental US. I hear Cuba needs funds and expats.

  193. Oso,
    Texas is bigger than Florida has similar taxes, and up north is cold enough to scare the spiders and snakes as good as where you live now.

    No not Australia,
    Part Bermuda, part Bahamas, Part GeorgiaBama, part Gulf o Mexico.
    If you include Miami, part New York, Jamaica, Hati, Dominican, and the rest of the Caribbean.

  194. oops Haiti

  195. We have no real weather. No tornados. No hurricanes. My complaint for today: we had our windows open, because 60s. Dead skunk stinking up the place.

  196. WOOOOO!!!! RIM COUNTRY SPRING BREAK ’15, BRAH!!!!

  197. Sean, you don’t even know!!! Spring Training and Red Onion in Heber!!!!

  198. Comment by MJ on March 7, 2015 9:58 am
    If all of us chip in a little we could buy that church and create a new religion based on working out, gardening, your mom, and recipes.
    On Sunday’s we’ll gather in the place where they hold the service and watch football.

    —–

    Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but THIS is a good comment.

  199. Mare, I got real eggcited by that comment. Then I remembered…Michigan

  200. Why is he wearing clothes????

  201. SQUEEEE!

  202. Dan set the DVR to Thor and just turned off the TV. Blah blah blah Spring Forward.

  203. Also, “Sundays.”

  204. Hands Sean a Diet DP. Nice save. HS appreciates the backup.

  205. Zuckerburg and minions have been slowly making users us real names. I lost my benghazi. In alphabetical order of my friends list. Alex is scared. Afraid of the living

  206. I was all right for a while, I could smile for a while
    But I saw you last night, you held my derp so tight
    As you stopped to say “Hello”

  207. Comment by Jay in Ames on March 7, 2015 9:41 pm
    Anyone else watching ISU vs TCU in a Ft Worth high school gym?

    —–

    Before that game they had the 6A Basketball conference championships. I was there. And the night before I went to the Baylor game vs Texas Tech. Good fun.

    That gym is bigger than it looks on TV.

  208. Mr. Chumpo had a bit of a family emergency tonight, but he actually drove all the way in to San Diego to gimme a bro hug, and pay his respects to the Lexicans just to tell me he couldn’t hang out with me.

    Mr. Chumpo, you’re an A+ Class Act, sir.

  209. >>>That gym is bigger than it looks on TV.

    You don’t know how many times I’ve used a similar phrase…

  210. 1 degree now, high of 36 forecast for today.

  211. I made home made baked beans in the bean pot yesterday and they came out pretty good. We had Paula’s parents over for a belated birthday celebration. Red hot dogs, beans, pickles, sourdough bread and butter with ice cream cake.

  212. http://tinyurl.com/nnznzdx

  213. 27 here.
    Your mud season is going to last until July.

  214. I think I might have fell back.

  215. Spring back.

  216. Benny just barked at and scared off 3 deer next to the driveway.

    Worst hunting dog ever.

  217. I got an early dose of the hell that awaits me tomorrow at 5AM when Paula’s alarm went off for work this morning. Even the dogs didn’t want to move from their crates. The big dog sure as hell didn’t want to.

  218. Gnu post.


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