F for F-fort

Here’s some bullshit I thought was funny for you to ignore while you talk about being angry about pirates buggering each other on a teevee show or something in the comments. Enjoy!
You should actually pay attention to this because this band kicks ass.

Oh, and these guys, too.


  1. Whatevs.

  2. Dan collects baseball caps. Today he wore one of his Pirates caps. The regular P, not the Tekulve or the throwback Roberto. 3 different people called him Jihadi John. LOLOLOL. He had to make chitchat with strangers.

  3. Me this morning: OMG Minnie Minoso just died!!! Dan this afternoon: Dude, he was 90!

  4. Looks like it’s just you and me here, osita. So I’ll just say it.

    I miss Tom Hill.

  5. (Dan probably didn’t say dude)

  6. I’ve got a basket of baseball hats with some old ones that are way on the bottom. The oldest one is a Portland Sea Dogs back when they were a farm team for the Marlins.

  7. Whenever I freak out about a childhood celebrity death, Dan feels free to mention their age. Did you guys know that Beaver Cleaver is a grandfather? (Bitch please. I’m Messican. I know grandparents in their 30s)

  8. You have a Portland Sea Dog cap????

  9. Hahaha Sean is the funniest guy on the interwebs.

  10. Yeah, this logo (Marlin’s color scheme):


    It’s well worn and kind of nasty

  11. It’s well worn and kind of nasty…

    …like YOUR MOM

  12. OMG Dan really wanted that cap. We had a rule at the time that you could only buy a cap at the ballpark. We still haven’t made it to the NE.

  13. If we can draft John Bolton’s Mustache as Scott Walker’s VP, I think that there would be some many exploded heads in Liberal establishments one would see the intarwebz run red with blood

  14. For that to happen, Mrs. Cience, Walker will have to beat your mom’s mustache in the primaries.

  15. I just looked up minor league Red Sox teams in NE and there’s Pawtucket Red Sox (reportedly heading to Providence), Lowell Spinners and Portland Sea Dogs. Also two in the Carolinas, one in the Gulf Coast League and one in the Dominican Republic.

    You could hit 3 minor league and one big league game in one trip. And have lobsters.

  16. NE is a conundrum. Baseball doesn’t coincide with Fall foliage. I’d be willing to give up the trees.

  17. I hear you. Fall is my favorite season here when we have a nice one. Warm days, cool nights, very few biting insects. Awesome.

  18. Are these guys still a Red Sox farm team?


  19. Dan is rayciss. He’s intrigued by the diversity in Maine. LOL

  20. Looks like Rockies, Sean. Oh wait…

  21. Jimbro, reading comments to Dan: I’ll give up baseball. I love Fall.

  22. for sean to hi-lite the black angels proves teh rah-cism :

    in other news – aka: off topicals:

  23. The Douchebags are no longer a Sox affiliate. The Yankees snatched them up.

  24. I was just kidding earlier, wiser. Honest.

    *looks at Tom Hill, makes thumb and pinky phone gesture, whispers “call me”*

  25. I was just kidding earlier, wiser. Honest.

    You are now banned from listening to my show.

    *points finger at shawn



    *slams door, puts on headphones, listens to stream of show*

  27. I love this place. Where else can Red Sox, Yankees, Angels, Cards. Brewers, and Reds fans assemble and not H8? (Gives side-eye to Bcoch and Roamy. Fuck the Braves)

  28. Anybody here “know” something about Beanie Babies? I have come across a small cache of them cleaning at Mom’s today. I’ve googled a few and one may be worth 50 bucks

  29. Cut them open. They were only valuable because drug cartels stashed dope inside them to get the shit into the country.

  30. Oh hellz yeah!

  31. Cyn, my Beanies aren’t for sale. (Sends out GP signal for Beasn)

  32. My kids collected them in the 90’s and assured me that they’d be worth a fortune some day. I tried in vein to teach them some economics 101. I prolly have a couple of hefty cinch sacks full up in the attic.

  33. If they were loaded with cartel dope it’s been degraded. 150F in the attic during the summer will prolly fuck up some black tar heroin.

  34. Meh – seems like EVERYONE on the planet started collecting them and now there’s just a few of them that are worth anything.

    You’d think having the entire 12-piece collection from a 1998 McDonalds Happy Meal deal would be worth something… nope: $11.94 thru Amazon PLUS $4.99 shipping.


  35. what sean said and stuffing:

  36. So much drugs in this one, yo!


  37. Some of them really are damn cute tho.

  38. what sean said and stuffing:


    The most disturbing thing about that video, other than the piss poor lighting (GAH), is that 2800 other idiots hit that link.


  39. From what I know, most BB aren’t worth much. Some you can’t give away. A few older ones may bring some money.

    I sold a manatee BB years ago for $40. I could kick myself now. It was the only one I ever really liked. That and I really like manatees.

  40. My beanies have meaning. I have a few. I’m a Gund girl. Beasn knows.

  41. Throws BB at Beasn…Oh the huge manatee!!!!

  42. Yeah, the McD’s beanies — pffft.

    Older, rarer ones. Ebay them for 30 day shots. The rest try to sell in bulk. If not, donate to the Salvation Army.

  43. **cancels trip to attic**

  44. I still have my kid’s beanies and a small bucket of my own. I shoulda kept the manatee.

  45. The rest try to sell in bulk. If not, donate to the Salvation Army.

    Don’t underestimate their value as insulation in the attic.

  46. What were the big ones called, oso? I’ve got a goofy looking camel one of those.

  47. HA….pendejo!

  48. Thank you very much, BeasnssBaby!

    I’m reading now on the nuances: http://www.ehow.com/how_7725304_tell-ty-beanie-baby-tag.html

    Does this info seem legit?

  49. Hostage advice
    I am thinking about upgrading to a better laptop. My biggest gripe is I spend an eternity in Lightroom messing with my pictures. I want to speed up my photo editing performance.

  50. I shoulda kept the manatee.

    Hey – 40 bucks is 40 bucks.

  51. Dan donated all my Simpsons figures to Toys for Tots. 2 truckloads. Too lazy to eBay. Still don’t know if the Marines did straight donate or raised money on eBay for gifts. See also our Disney videos when we upgraded to DVD/BluRay.

  52. Go to a PC, Vman; more better powah.

  53. Oldie but goodie for beasn:


  54. Beasnes, I don’t know! our beanies have a story. Dan was attacked by an ostrich in grade school…voila…ostrich beanie. I have a deathly fear of sharks…voila…shark beanie.

  55. “40 bucks is 40 bucks”

    -said your mom

  56. Muah! sean jost posted my favorite Manatee episode. My favorite Dr Katz will always be Aquaman.

  57. I have been considering that too Cyn

  58. http://www.chicagotribune.com/bluesky/originals/chi-zac-bissonnette-ty-warner-bsi-20150226-story.html

    I just read this story about beanie babies recently.

  59. Cyn, seems legit. Collectors are crazy nuts for the nuances. I belong to a couple of collector groups – soft sculpt cabbage patch – and those people even know the codes for which factory the mass market cabbage kids came out of. That is important as the kids that came out of 2 specific factories had a tendency to develop spots (mold in the vinyl) a decade or so later. (I know the nuances of their reintroduction as bigger Toys R Us kids, 20 years later, launched out of NYC. Type of head mold, color on body tag, eye size, etc that made them 1st ed.. I made $250 off a couple.)

    So if you are going to sell…do the homework on the tags, body tags, etc and make sure you list those nuances in your sales.

  60. Who sent out the Beasn signal? Why yes, that would be me. *Drops mic* (Phat might be all woohoo about CoAlex dropping the mic, but I’m voting for Beasn. Messican has more votes than YFGs)

  61. Great info, Beasn – thank you :D

    I’ve got about 50-ish to look thru, all with hang and tush tags. Now to alphabetize and then start pricing.

  62. Oh and don’t try to put one over on a collector. They are cray cray and can be vicious.

  63. I collect earwax.

  64. Oldie but goodie for beasn:

    “I have a question for the sea pig…..”. LOL. You have no idea……

  65. For Oso!

  66. tush tags


  67. Ha! I wouldn’t dream of trying to pull something on a collector; I’m sooo out of my element on this stuff, I’ll probably be taken to the cleaners.

  68. *waits for Tushar to now appear*

  69. * questions integrity *

  70. Earwax?!


  71. Oso <3 s Cynabuns!!!

  72. Cerumenologist

  73. The CPK collectors were watching with a lot of interest an alleged old cabbage put up for sale on ebay. By old I mean something made in the 1st year of Xavier sculpting his kids. They were totally taking apart the signature on the butt and with the help of OAA (Cabbage Patch headquarter in GA) determined it was a very very good fake and someone got had to the tune of thousands of dollars. I don’t think it was anyone in the group – they know their sh*t and smelled a rat.

  74. Vmax–Keep the laptop to play on and go to the PC for your heavy duty photography work. Buy the most RAM you can and seriously consider springing for a solid-state drive.

  75. My CPK isn’t an original, but a first run from production. Marv Lucas. Not soft. Plastic.

  76. … determined it was a very very good fake…

    That’s actually impressive. True collectors do not fuck around; I think Jefferson may have said that.

  77. Cyn, you can give me a buzz to bounce off a question or three. I don’t know much about beanie babies – it wouldn’t take long to figure it out – but I have done enough buying/selling on ebay to know how it’s done.

  78. I may just take you up on that offer, ma’am!

  79. 1st runs are desirable so long as they haven’t developed mold in their vinyl from those factories.

  80. Oh, and thanks for ~almost~ making me google that, Jimbro.


  81. True collectors do not fuck around; I think Jefferson may have said that.

    That’s the abridged version. He actually said “Don’t be bringin’ that weak-ass Bizzy Rozz knockoff up here in this piece, Kyle. True muh-fukkin’ collectas DO. NOT. FUCK. AROUND.”

  82. Cyn, you need to go to Pizzeria Bianco for science.

  83. Oh and if you are going to list something, take pictures of everything. People suck.
    I sold a bear for a nice profit. Forgot to take a picture of the hang tag. It was the last thing I saw and tucked in before packing up said bear and taping the box. The buyer said it arrived without it and disputed it, demanding I refund them 50%. Um no. Long story short, ebay has a bunch of young retards working for them and I eventually won and the seller was blocked from giving me bad feedback. I got lucky.. and sorta figured out they don’t communicate very well to each other or us….. but, the seller usually gets screwed.

  84. Beasn knows.

  85. looks like I am going to build a new computer

  86. I’ll put that on my to do lists, Scoot and Beasn.

  87. Looks like I won’t be far from there on Thursday at all, like walking distance – pizza lunch it is!

  88. Thursday? I don’t fucking think so…THORSDAY!!!! (Getting geared up for SNL Thorsday Saturday night.)

  89. Been waiting for the new Witcher game to come out.

    My old PC is woefully underpowered and can’t run it.

    Time to build a new one.

    I used to buy the bare bones from new egg and add my own graphics board and RAM, but it’s been at least five yrs since I’ve done a PC build.

    Anyone built a PC lately?

  90. The only Beanie Baby I thought was cool was the USS Ronald Reagan. The little beanie had a naval hat.

  91. *Presses 1 for English in Phat’s comment* Throws in a NERD!!!! for old timers sake

  92. Mare, I had to look that one up. Never saw one before. He is cute and prolly one I would keep if I had one.

  93. Oso,

    youngestphatspawn beat you to it.

  94. Youngestphatspawn is like totes H2 material. You know it, I know it. Bob Dole knows it. (Read in Norm voice doing Bob Dole)

  95. Phat, has she considered military service? Or if not the military, then the Air Force?

    If she’s geeky enough to like econ then she might enjoy working in the intel field.

  96. Shoveled 7″ of global warming this AM.

    Neighbor came by with snowblower and we were able to knock it out pretty quick.

    We then went around to to the rest of the neighborhood and shoveled every driveway. By the end we had about 10 guys with shovels+the blower.

    I like this neighborhood.

  97. I’m grieving. My favorite restaurant closed its doors yesterday. First, they were forced to spend millions on an enclosed smoking area. Then, the fucks in the city council disallowed any smoking in restaurants/bars. They never could recapture their core group. Most were dying off and the people that could afford their food moved to strip mall restaurants and chains.

  98. CoAlex, you are confusing your Phatspawn.

  99. Throws a Chingas towards the Springs!

  100. Oso, I was trying to continue the conversation from the previous poat.

  101. Did anybody refrain from telling anybody else that their new shoes looked like clown shoes to avoid hurting their feelings and/or because the shoes looked hilarious today?

  102. CoAlex plays H2 checkers. Oso is playing 3 dimensional chess. (I have no idea what that means)

  103. CoAlex,

    She briefly considered the AF Academy, and I was supportive.

    One of my classmates is the recruiting officer for my county and the local Congresscritter is a friend.

    So, we could have made it happen.

    The reason I’m a such a great recruiter for the Academy is that I tell people how much it sucks.

    How hard it is.

    How much you will want to quit EVERY SINGLE DAY in your first year.

    How much it sucks to see on social media what a great time your friends are having at U of random state while you are cleaning your room on a Friday night to prep for a Saturday inspection to be followed by a parade in full dress.

    I don’t regret going there, but I try to impress on kids that you REALLY have to want it.

    The military academies are not for the dilettantes.

  104. Googleman just built a PC and recommends pcpartpicker.com.

  105. By the way, don’t forget to vote for me here:


    You need to vote in 10 categories. Ann’s Deli, JC Music and Savings Bank of Danbury are good options

  106. CoAlex,

    If she wants to go to ROTC later, I will support her.

    I doubt she will.

    She’s seen what a toll my TDY’s and deployments have taken on our family, I’d be very surprised if she wants to get into that.

  107. Cyn.. Re: beanie babies…
    Drop them in a donation bin and take a couple of thousand dollar tax deduction…

  108. Wiser,

    Going to need more guidance.

    Can I put Ann’s Deli in the best strip bar?

    Or is it the best gay bar?

    Please tell me your favorite New Haven gay bar.

    And how many bullwhips you have up your ass RIGHT NOW.

  109. >>>>Please tell me your favorite New Haven gay bar.

    You are going to make me choose????

  110. Had to pull a calf tonight. The heifer was pretty wrapped up. Just checked on them and she cleaned him off and he’s standing up looking for milk. Shower time for me.

  111. Wiser,

    Just give us a ‘slate’ to enter and we can slam this poll.

    Just like Rand Paul at CPAC.

  112. The donation bin sounds like the best option yet – sooooo many freakin’ variations with the hanging tags and the tags on the tush and looking for spelling errors and fine vs course mane… fuck salt!

  113. All you losers that aren’t on FB miss out on Pepe’s posts. His knives are pure art. His animals are pure beauty. (Totes not claiming bug out space)

  114. Nice work Pepe.

  115. Phat,

    I see a few AFA kids when I go out swing dancing.

    It’s not a life for everyone, especially trying to make it a career. But it can be a good starting point if your plan is to do a few years and take advantage of the training and experience gained before settling down.

    It sounds like she’s got a good head on her shoulders. Must take after her mom.

  116. Cyn, don’t do it!!!! Unless you just don’t care. Dan could’ve made beaucoup bucks on collectibles and videos. Too lazy to go online. He sold Disney videos for $5 that were pulling $300+ I didn’t even know. He sold my ironing board!

  117. OK,

    Since Wiser hasn’t given us proper direction, I say we all vote ‘Tom Hill’ for best radio personality.


    Even I’m not that much of a Dick.

  118. COAlex,

    It worked for me and I stumbled into a good marriage and a great life.

    Not many places that will pay you to go to college and guarantee you a job upon graduation.

    I always say, “It’s a $500,000 education…shoved up your ass a nickel at a time.”

  119. Whoa,

    CoAlex goes swing dancing?

    Totally did not see that coming.

  120. I am looking at New Egg Phat, but reading Mrs Cyn’s recommendation as I type

  121. Swing, Argentine tango, ballroom, contra. It’s all good.

  122. Zeke is hating on me now.
    He has been shaking his head because his ears itch the past few days.

    50% Alcohol and 50% white vinegar. A dropper full in each ear stings like hell, but clears it up in a few days.

  123. Dance AND swordplay. GlobeAlex is a renaissance man.

  124. Don’t rule out a refurb when you’re looking at Newegg – they’ve served us very well on multiple machines.

  125. >>swordplay


  126. 4th grade H2 strikes again! (GLAR at swordplay)

  127. Vmax,

    Doing the same.

    Been a few years since I’ve built a computer.

    Youngest phatspawn is a massive geek. This could be a bonding experience for us.

    Funny thing is she’s the more attractive of the 2 phatspawn.

    She’s just so ‘standoffish’ that she scares off of all of the boys.

    Heaven help the brave bastard that is ever to ask her out (successfully).

    Instead of meeting him with a shotgun, I will meet him with a handshake.

  128. Swordplay is just a Cynonym for the dance of love.

  129. Phat, send her here. Beasn, Mare, and Car in are the real deal. Cyn and I are 4th grade boys at heart.

  130. The donation bin sounds like the best option yet

    Yeah, you might find the tax deduction will be worth more.

  131. Dan thinks that since he is bigger than I am, he gets to control refills. Long story short, I’ve been cutoff. G’night.

  132. Okay Phat
    Ask her
    Multiple GTX 970’s or single 980?

    Quad Core X97 or 6 core X99?

    I have heard a single 980 beats 2 970’s as well as the quad being better than the 6 because its on the internet it must be true!

  133. Story at the dailymail ‘Half of American voters think that inviting Israeli PM to speak on Capitol Hill was a bad idea’.

    A WSJ and NBC poll. Um….only a fraction of Americans watch NBC or read the WSJ. Most probably don’t know who he is or that he’s coming.

  134. Beasn, co-worker asked me today if ISIS was still kidnapping Christians.

  135. I have to think about this a bit.

    How would the phatwife and phatspawn react upon meeting all of you IRL?


    Well, we get to travel pretty cheap, so maybe we’ll find out soon.

  136. Comment by phat on March 1, 2015 11:48 pm
    Swordplay is just a Cynonym for the dance of love.

    A buddy at practice today was showing me the bruises that I gave him two weeks ago. I guess you can call me “Ike”.

  137. quad core i7 and a SSD. My work comp is wicked fast, SQL Server, multiple Visual Studio instances (8 gigs RAM).

  138. Can we flip off the AFA even though the Lobos suck?

  139. Also,

    In Phat career news: decided not to go to the 777 and stay on the 737 instead.

    I have a good schedule, nice layovers and I like all of the guys I fly with.

    Going to the 777 would of been mainly China trips. My next trip on the 737 has 31 hrs off in Vancouver.

    Pretty sure I can find some good, clean fun there.

    Bonus is I will still get PHX layovers to buy Cyn drinks.

  140. Jay
    I have seen the SSD as a Cache?
    or are you using it as a drive?

  141. Lotsa folks are going to SSD as a drive.

  142. Bonus!!! Love you guys. Long Story Short LSS I’m going to the family bed. By invitation.

  143. Congrats Phat.
    Buying Cyn drinks is a plus.

  144. OS drive. I have a 500 gig, everything loaded on it. Very fast, highly recommended. That’s the slow part of the system, and if you can speed that up, everything works better.

  145. I know Xbad
    that is my confusion.

  146. My sleep sched is still a bit messed up from my last trip, but I’m off to bed.

    You kids be good.


    *gets signs made

  147. Bonus is I will still get PHX layovers to buy Cyn drinks.

    Not quite the good clean fun of Vancouver.

  148. Next thing you’ll be telling me you can get into trouble in Vegas.

  149. Thanks Jay
    That makes sense. Data on the spinner and OS on the SSD.

    And you don’t need a huge drive for the OS.

  150. Speaking of family bed, 5 am comes early, so g’nite!

  151. I dreamed I saw Tom Hill last night.

  152. The CW network is aiming for a more mature demographic now, so they just greenlit the pilot for One Tree Tom Hill.

  153. A lot of people don’t know this, but the main character on King of the Hill was originally going to be called Tom Hill. He sold Brownfield remediation and Brownfield remediation accessories.

  154. OK,

    Sean and xbrad, that was some funny.

    Wiser is going to be pissed.

  155. Huh. Not often I make funneh on the first day of the month.

  156. Far far from home, oh I felt so alone
    Could not derp to the speed of the city
    Oh, send me my ticket, I’m too scared to stick
    With my little Whizz kid, such a pity

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