Hello SMOD watchers, welcome, and come on in to Big Boob Friday.

Special thanks to MJ for taking time out of his busy pubic speaking schedule and filling in for me last week. I wrote this song for him to express my gratitude.



Your model for today is a porn star from Kyoto, Japan. She is 5’4″, 104 lbs, and measures 42-23-36 with some slanty Jcup size kimono pokers. Please stop sending old hippie pop singers on diplomatic missions long enough to welcome, Miss Utsunomiya Shion !

Shion Utsunomiya11

Shion Utsunomiya10

Shion Utsunomiya7

Shion Utsunomiya1

Shion Utsunomiya6


Shion Utsunomiya3

Shion Utsunomiya5

Shion Utsunomiya4


  1. I approve!

    Ungrateful bastard.

  2. Equality now!


  3. She seems nice bewbs

  4. I’d fly her to Pussy Island

  5. workie workie

  6. I sure hope we don’t have to tie her to an anthill and stuff fruit in her hoohah. Just give in already!

  7. So, Saudi King Abdullah is dead. Good/Bad?

  8. wakey wakey

  9. Those are some mighty mighty knockers.

  10. What Knockers!

  11. I saw the Mighty Mighty Knockers open for Jane’s addiction back in ’89.

  12. I saw that movie too, Car in! Didn’t think that was your cup of tea.

  13. Heh, mom just sent me an email that’s dying to become a poat.

  14. Too big, but she’s pretty.

  15. I’m just going to leave this here for everyone.

    Before: http://is.gd/AtjXhq

    After: http://is.gd/7o7z8r

  16. Haha, MJ thinks fish sticks are real fish!

  17. McDonald’s hamburgers are 100% beef.

  18. Here, have a hot dog!

  19. Chicken nuggets are to chicken as fishsticks are to fish.

  20. OMG.

    What have I been eating from Panda Express?

  21. At their prices, I can safely say it’s not panda.

    And honestly, CAFO chicken is so cheap there’s no reason to think it’s anything else.

  22. Just a drive by hello hostages, from sunny Sarasota

  23. She looks fluffy….

    That’s not a bad thing.

  24. Fish sticks are made from fish lips and eyeballs.

  25. Chicken nuggets are to chicken as fishsticks are to fish.

    then what the hell was in that Pu Pu Platter???

  26. Clam strips are made from clam legs.

  27. Ugh, mollusk.

  28. According to Waterworld, fish eyeballs are a delicacy

  29. Can we talk about deflated balls again today?

  30. http://youtu.be/0BQFv83QJ2Y

  31. ….still waiting……..

  32. If you’re only eating fish, you basically have to eat the eyeballs to prevent scurvy.

  33. Neat

  34. Livers, too, unless you want pellagra.

  35. We lost 26,000 residents last year. Only West Virginia and Illinois lost more.

  36. We lost 26,000 residents last year.

    Did you look under the couch cushions?

  37. Did you see my comparison to Oklahoma yesterday? That could be a show.

  38. Did you see my comparison to Oklahoma yesterday? That could be a show.

    Yeah, I took note of that and had planned to mention it tomorrow. With proper credit given, of course.

    Tomorrow’s show should be fun. All weather and traffic updates, all the time.

    btw, Hill got his dick slapped into the dirt by the station manager. basically told him to stop being an asshole and that he needs to shut up and remember who’s show it is.

    Hill called me all offended and I just told him “Hey, he’s the station manager. His opinion means more than yours or mine.”


  39. I think it would be interesting to compare the two budgets side by side.

  40. Tom Brady should be allowed to cheat.

  41. Hill got his dick slapped
    That is a really, really poorly chosen phrase.

    The image is just…just…


  42. CT has 4064 miles of state road – they are ranked 44th in the nation
    OK has 12,266 miles – they are ranked 22nd

  43. Oklahoma doesn’t have beaches

  44. I hear Bristol Oklahoma is a really nice place. That’s where ESPN is based.

  45. How many poor, backwards hicks are in OK and CT?

  46. Also, who has more millionaires?

  47. The $7 billion to $19 billion comparison isn’t fair.

    There is more to it than that. When they say our budget is 19 billion that doesn’t include other revenue streams like money from the fed, fuel taxes, revenue from oil, and coal. Our total spending is 28 billion.

    OK total spending is 21 billion.

    So the difference is only about 25%. The reason Malloy needs to tax us 3x more than the good people of Oklahoma is probably because we don’t have any oil or coal.

  48. Even though I think DICKface Blumethal is a worthless lying sack of shit, I agree that he should keep his fucking nose out of the Deflatriots’ and the NFL’s business.

  49. It pissed me off when they got into baseball.

  50. This is what passes for good governance in this liberal shithole:


  51. We should get Congress looking into women’s soccer.

  52. It’s not cheating, it’s bending. Thee Colts are pissed that they didn’t think of it.

  53. We need a government program for ball inflation.

  54. The city of New Orleans just banned smoking, pretty much everywhere but your home or car.

    New Orleans!

  55. Make them play with a football shaped rock so nobody can cheat.

  56. Just use off the shelf Nerf footballs.

  57. The prohibitions apply to smoking cigarettes, cigars and pipes, as well as usage of electronic cigarettes or e-cigarettes.

    Remind me again who the anti-science party is.

  58. I agree that he should keep his fucking nose out of the Deflatriots’ and the NFL’s business.

    As do I, but I find it rather interesting that THIS is the one time he thinks they should stay out of. This slimy fucktard is the worst attention whore in the country and is constantly looking to get himself involved in whatever is the big news of the day just for a little camera time.

    But THIS? Naaaaaaaah….

  59. How does the deflated football situation appear when viewed through the social justice lens?

    Who is being oppressed by this?

  60. So all they had to do was to inflate the balls to 12.5 lbs with ninety degree air.

    Smart equipment manager.

  61. http://tinyurl.com/omtc2pk

  62. Balls in Arizona will need to be filled with 150 degree air.

  63. Anything above 96F can lead to short-term sterilty, at a minimum.

  64. #JeSuisBigBoobFriday

  65. Hot Balls

  66. Just sent the Foxboro bounce house to my sister who lives in Foxboro

  67. How does the deflated football situation appear when viewed through the social justice lens?


  68. Hotspur, I found myself on a 1 mile long exit ramp today. There was a street light about every 100 feet, each one was labelled with a 6 x 12 reflective sign.


    Now, if your car breaks down on exit 62, you can tell them you are at light pole M526. So much better!

  69. 1 mile long exit ramp today

    Isn’t that like half the width of CT?

  70. He must have been going N/S.

  71. It’s probably only a matter of time before that jackassery comes to Michigan. But do you have smoke free parks? Now that’s progress.

  72. Being small means I can get the hell out faster.

    Give me an hour and I can drive to 3 other states, and 6 states in a little over 2 hours.

  73. Ban cigarettes and e-cigs, but smoke all the pot you want.

  74. Drive to Charlotte. I have nothing to do this weekend and a full bar.

  75. One hour almost gets me from one side of Phoenix to the other. Almost.

  76. I can get to OH in an hour, IN in 2 hours, or so deep into the MI wilderness that you’ll never find me in 3 hours.

  77. I can be in a foreign country in 45 minutes.

  78. I can too, but then I’d be in Canada. No problem is that bad.

  79. Problem is, you have to drive through a third world hellhole to get to it.

  80. Wherever you go, there you are.

  81. I can be on your mom in under an hour

  82. Jimbro, when did you first realize you were ghey?

  83. It may have been that time you were showing me your bullwhip collection. The weirdest part was when you said they all had different flavors.

  84. Jimebro’s not Teh Ghey. he get’s paid to cut men’s clothes off with rounded scissors.

  85. He turned you down, huh?

  86. I find this thread confusing and frightening.

  87. I am going to start walking more. We just walked to the bank and Walgreens. Having a car where we live is almost stupid, everything is within a mile or two.

  88. yep.

  89. MCPO, did it deflate your balls?

  90. Scott, how many states do you cross when you walk to Walgreen’s

  91. We almost walked out of town.

  92. what is that? Fire?

  93. Fun DIY motherfucking flamethrower.

  94. This is fun.

  95. Heh, an oppressed Hoosier.

  96. He’s just deflated that his team couldn’t take the pressure.

  97. I thought you had issues with fire, Leon.

  98. I’ve set myself on fire a few times. I still like fire.

    I guess that’s issues, actually.

  99. Good day, mongers of whores.

  100. Paula took a road trip to Boston yesterday to see Garth Brooks. She brought her step-mom and our little guy. They sat behind a few guys wearing empty Coors Light 12 pack boxes as hats. Right before the concert began one of the guys removed his beer box hat and vomited in it. The little guy’s eyes were as big as saucers watching all this unfold.

  101. Still don’t have all the hair back on my legs.

  102. If you stop shaving them the hair will grow back.

    Greetings Sean M.

  103. Right before the concert began one of the guys removed his beer box hat and vomited in it.

    Okay, now for the obvious question: Was he drunk enough that he put it back on?

    ‘sup Chumpo.

  104. Hat report: More sick than drunk. Hat was dispatched to the men’s room.

  105. http://is.gd/rPhH4m

  106. I used to work with a guy who was almost that afraid of dogs. He was about 250 lbs and in a gang, wouldn’t get out of the truck if he saw a dog.

  107. To be fair, that dog clearly had murder on its mind.

  108. Dogs can be taught to be racist.

  109. Laura was afraid of dogs when I first met her.
    Growing up in a city does that.

  110. Did you guys see this? http://is.gd/X9AnFt

  111. So now engine noise is a scam

  112. Vacuum cleaners can be made nearly silent, but the test marketing always says no.

    I wear earplugs to use mine, I say yes.

  113. I listen to music via my earbuds when vacuuming. So, I like, hear a song once a month.

  114. Being attacked and bitten by two dogs before the age of 9 does that, actually.

  115. This looks really nice: http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/beer-braised-brisket

  116. I had a Weimaraner bite me on the ass when I was 7 because I had a cookie in my back pocket.

  117. I got bit on the ass by a sheep dog when I was 6.

    The owner told me I shouldn’t have run away from the dog.

    I didn’t know how to say “fuck you” when I was six but I thought it.

  118. We live in a false age. Titties, engine noise, the president.

  119. I couldn’t really blame the neighbor’s dog for wanting a cookie.

  120. Sheep dogs aren’t right.

    Had one on my paper route that would attack moving bicycles, wouldn’t quit until the tire popped.

  121. I used to make an extra quarter for delivering a paper for a kid too scared to bring it to a house with a dog. Our routes overlapped and he wouldn’t take me up on my offer to just switch a customer so he could stop giving me quarters. I think we got a nickel per paper back then. His cynophobia gave him arithmophobia.

  122. I had 7 Dobermans on my paper route. None of them ever bothered me.

  123. I was pretty good with dog attacks, I think my record was 5 – 1.

  124. Gingy nipped my friend’s kid. He kept hitting her with a cardboard box. MaryAnn bit our dog sitter’s kid. She was throwing Do for MA and fell down. MA bit her when she fell on her.

  125. I don’t think I’ve ever been bitten by a dog that wasn’t mine.

  126. Ankle biters don’t count.

  127. Part of me wants to listen to this week’s podcast but most of me really could give zero shits about a fitbit or jawbone fitness meter.

  128. So, you’re saying my lawn piranha don’t count? Hahaha

  129. Dan was bitten by a dog while walking the golf course. Medium sized dog with a history of biting golfers, joggers, and walkers that used the golf cart tracks. Lots of shots. A jogger eventually pepper sprayed the dog.

  130. I was bitten by a Welsh pony when I was a kid. We thought it was just young and frisky at the time. Turns out it was just the mean motherfucker that liked to bite.

  131. Oso, how is the blind one doing?

  132. I’ve never been bitten by a dog. Horses are bastards. I have been bitten by horses.

  133. AUGH!!!! One of my Uncle’s in OH had a mean horse that would bite, but only me. I H8D that horse. I still H8 horses.

  134. A Møøse once bit my sister…

  135. Scott, we really have to watch for her. She bumps into stuff or she seems to smell obstacles at the last minute. We have to lift her on the sofa and the bed. She can’t see to jump up anymore. MA swipes Gingy’s treats if we don’t hand feed Gingy.

  136. Dan got bit by an ostrich on a grade school field trip.

  137. Got bit in the shoulder by a German shepherd when I was 8 but I don’t blame the dog too much, we were in that swing thing on a swingset with the chairs and we swung right into the dog when she was walkin behind us… smacked the shit outta her so she took it out on me.


  138. Neighbors had a Chihuahua mix that would bite me whenever I tried to feed it.

  139. She’ll get better, assuming her other stuff still works.

    Pipe insulation on table legs might be nice.

  140. Scott, thank you for the insight on the doggie eye surgery.

  141. Does your dog bite?

    No. My dog does not bite.


    I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite.

    that’s not my dog.

  142. We replaced tables with ottomans when she was a puppy. 13 years ago. Our big thing is putting our shoes away. We used to just kick them off. Now, we have to put them away.

  143. PG, wire-haired dachshund in the Clouseau movie.

  144. Dan got bit by an ostrich on a grade school field trip.

    I’m trying to remember if it was Craig or Todd that got spit on by a llama on our 5th grade field trip. Either one deserved it.

  145. Hahaha Roamy. We were at the Columbus Zoo and a school field trip was there. Kids were taunting the elephants. Elephant used its trunk to gather up poop and flung it at the group of boys. It was epic!!! One of my favorite memories.

  146. A goat tried to eat my great aunt’s sweater at Knott’s Berry Farm. That hungry little goat grew up to be…Steve Buscemi.

    And now you know…the rest of the story.

  147. Hahaha.

  148. “I don’t think about the characters I choose to play, analytically or consciously.
    Steve Buscemi”

  149. He was a real life fireman. I love him in Con-Air.

  150. “Neighbors had a Chihuahua mix that would bite me whenever I tried to feed it.”
    roamy – those things have got to be the meanest and dumbest damned dogs in the world – they rival Siamese cats in cantankerousness, and jay carney in singularity of purpose….

  151. Friend of mine from work, and next-door neighbor when in our first house, used to jog around ‘the block’ (out in the sticks, so about four city blocks) when we got off swing-shift.
    On about the third block, a Dobie came after him snarling and barking. Running full-tilt.
    Glen stopped, pulled his Browning, and killed the dog, then continued his run.
    We never heard a thing about it…

  152. Did anybody find themselves unable to think of an excuse to get out of going to see anybody else’s community theater production of Cats today?

  153. G’night guys. Stupid cold. Can’t breathe.

  154. Oso,


  155. http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000348290#.

  156. Dang. Ernie Banks died.

  157. Heck of a guy, hell of a ballplayer.

  158. RIP Mr Cub. Let’s play 2

  159. hey all

    xbrad whats that archers address I am kicking mr x to the curb for him. i will end his life of celibacy :-P

  160. Hahahhaha. Dunno. You think he has time for sex when he’s busy practicing shooting arrows in flight?

  161. good point. his loss.

  162. What ya been up to, Ms. Jenn?

  163. work mainly. commuting back up to seattle on the weekends. doing some project management

  164. what about you

  165. Here’s a thought. Coumo shut down the Morland corruption commission last year because it was getting too close to Shel Silver. But almost instantly, the FBI was on the case, and they’ve busted Silver. Which, of course, has a shitload of people looking askance at Coumo.

    We’ve already seen the Dems using lawfare to attack Perry, Christie, and Scott Walker. What if one of them is using it (quite slyly) to trim back any presidential thoughts of Coumo? How hard would it be for a certain elderly female Democrat to urge the FBI to investigate corruption in NY?

  166. Wait! You’re not in Seattle anymore? Where’d you move to?

    I’m the primary caretaker of my dear sainted mother. Who is somedays, not especially a ray of sunshine. Like today, first day of chemo. Went well, wasn’t painful, 10 hours of bitching about it.

    On the plus side, my niece brought her three cute kids by today, so I got to play with them.

  167. could be. or he could have just been so blatant about it they couldnt possibly ignore it anymore. like that moron with the money in his freezer.

  168. More and more, I think he pissed off a Clinton somewhere.

  169. down in the portland area for awhile. may make a permanent move but for the moment down here during the week up there on weekends
    just had to skip this weekend.

  170. My niece is in McMinnville. Well she’s here in California but lives up there.

  171. cool. i dont know the area that well yet. I am in kind of nw portland at the moment renting a 1 bedroom til i figure out whats going on.

  172. Need to head to Portland. There’s a couple of ships there I want to tour.

  173. Of course, I also need to schedule trips to Chicago to visit friends and museums, TX, because Texas! and Alabama to visit friends and family. And San Diego. I get there twice a year for hookers and booze.

  174. which ones

  175. so my old stomping grounds and co-workers :-P

  176. Miss Utsunomiya Shion, I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom or breast reduction, I can tell you I don’t have money.

    But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, boobie loving skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a very fun evening for people like you.

    If you Twitchfacechimpgram me a picture of your nipples now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will motor boat you.

  177. lol

  178. Rosie! How’s the boy? The dogs?
    Jenn, there’s a PT boat, and a Landing Craft, Infantry tied up on the river. I *think* they’re on the west side of town, but I’m not sure. I can toss you a couple links if you’re interested. I’ve just always had a fascination with smaller combatants.

  179. actuallly i drive past them every once inawhile when i go down to the river to run

  180. There’s somethings that just need to be lit on fire.

    Like doobies and Air Supply albums.

    Which one are ye holding?

  181. Fine. Then you send me directions! I’ve got a 12 year old grand nephew that needs to learn to butch up a bit. A little time on a small ship would do him some good.

  182. Neither my johnson nor my computer mouse need to be set afire, Mr. Chumpo.

    Weekend of 7 March. San Diego. Drunk, fat and stupid is how I’m planning on going through life, son.

  183. when i have seen them they are right down town i think there is a museum or something. next time i go down i will get you an address.

  184. See you there. Shakespere’s!

  185. take your choice air supply or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-zpOMYRi0w

  186. Get me pics instead, Jenn.

  187. ok

  188. We’ll solve all the world’s problems over Guinness and Jameson. Then we’ll go next door for a burrito!

  189. Does Uniball still lurk here? He’s in PDX.

  190. Wearin’ her perfume, Chanel No. 5
    Got to be the finest derp alive
    She walks real cool, catches everybody’s eye
    She’s got such good lovin’ that they can’t say goodbye

  191. Shee Eye It! I dunno Ms Jenn. The High school girls arnt doing music any favors BUT Air Supply are guys and they sing like high school girls. It’s a modern Quandry!

    Yep. How bout burritos to start because that joint will be closed ‘ere we are done at Shake’s.

    Rose, how many Indian Villages tonight?

  192. http://tinyurl.com/oun4v7f

  193. I don’t know how the hell I find my way around San Diego, cuz I’ve never once been sober in that town.

  194. wel li have to get up at 5 so see you all later

  195. That’s good. This isn’t a good town sober. It’s too bright and “funtastic”.
    Which neighborhood are you staying in?

  196. Bye Jenn nineteensixtyfour.

  197. Not sure yet where I’ll be staying. Kinda depends. Might be out near La Presa, which would put a damper on my fun. Might be staying downtown.

  198. Night, Jenn. Quit being a stranger.

  199. Daisy is on Xanax now because she’s excessively “special” but it seems to have calmed her down which was necessary. Apparently she was born without a brain.

    Floyd is perpetually chilling like Gilligan, out on an island. For a guy with no balls he’s a pretty happy dude.

    I picked Henry up from school the other day and we were driving home during bad traffic which I can’t stand because all other people that drive when I drive are fucking idiots.

    I got boxed in behind a 3-foot tall octogenarian woman driving a Ford Focus going 7 miles an hour. I was behind her for 15 minutes which nearly gave me a heart attack.

    When I could get the fuck around her dumbass I looked over and said “WHAT ARE YOU, A DUNCE???” Henry laughed and laughed and laughed and said that 100 times during the rest of our ride home. Apparently the first time you hear the word ‘dunce’, it’s the best thing ever.

    When we got home Mrs.Rosetta said something to Henry that I don’t recall exactly but his response was “WHAT ARE YOU, A DUNCE???”

    He and I both laughed about that when we were in time-out on our quiet chairs.

  200. Heh. You are a lucky fucky. That sounds like a good time.

    I get to drink rum in my time out chair. It’s in the contract.

  201. I’m simply flabbergasted that you used the word “dunce” rather than something more… colorful.

  202. OK X. There’s a bar in De Presa somewhere. We’ll find it. Keep me posted.

  203. I’m really hoping for downtown. But it might be dear sainted mother’s last chance to visit a friend in *La Mesa*

    I can’t deny her that pleasure.

    Since, you know, I’ll be back in SD the following November.

  204. I like those odds.

  205. I’m watching The Unforgiven. Hasta lo.

  206. Where’s the best hookers in SD. And don’t say Oceanside.

  207. Um, I was always a phone book guy, I’ll get back to ye on that one. I’d have to say that El Cajon Blvd is one of the last “zones” but there be monsters there so YMMV.

  208. OK, I’m tired. I’m out. Well talk again before March, Mr. Chumpo. Find better looking hoooooookers. And booze.

  209. Snowmageddon!

  210. Soon

  211. Moarnin.

  212. Hi


  213. MJ, Pat so enjoyed your link yesterday morning with the woman getting punched through the window. He may yet become a hostage.

  214. Not sure if that’s good or bad.

  215. If he became a Hostage, my appearances at meetups would dramatically increase.

  216. [waits for MJ to repeat his last comment]

  217. If he became a Hostage, my appearances at meetups would dramatically increase.


  218. heh heh heh….

    I mentioned yesterday that Hill got bitchslapped by the station manager for behaving like an ass on the show.

    Today, he doesn’t feel very well and probably won’t make it in for the show.

    heh heh heh

  219. *drinks*

  220. We have no milk.
    Laura used it all making yogurt……might not make it

  221. Do you have bread and eggs?

  222. Pat seems like too nice a guy to hang out with us.

  223. We have a boatload of yogurt, and Laura knows how to make bread so we should probably make it.

  224. *drop-ships milk cow to central CT*

  225. That’s sweet, Leon, but you don’t know him like I do.

  226. Cat that looks like Ron Pearlman

  227. Not sure if that’s good or bad.

  228. Today, he doesn’t feel very well and probably won’t make it in for the show.

    Okay, that earns me as a listener today. That and I’m stuck at my desk anyhow.

  229. It was supposed to snow here last night. I think Tennessee got it all.

  230. I fly to NJ on Monday. Wonder if I’ll make it?

  231. Not sure if that’s good or bad?

  232. Over the last couple of years we have probably cut our spending by at least 25%, and I bet a lot of families have.

    Our Governor just figured out how to slash .13% from the budget and it is headline news.

    A tenth of a percent = painful cuts.

  233. In the news here, Detroit Water Department didn’t take in as much money as it planned (water usage down, probably based on the fact that people are moving out of the city) – so they’re going to put a surcharge onto everyone’s bill to make it up.

    GENIUS. I’m going to start adding a surcharge to my customer’s bills. You know, to make up for slow nights.

  234. This could work for just about everyone. If a grocery store is slow one week, just take on a bit extra for the customers that come in the next week.

  235. New poatse.

  236. Tushar.
    Please link that CRAZY music video that you said was from Eastern Europe that shows those stupid gangsters who have human heads in their pants. I cannot find that on the interneghts.

    Thank you.

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