Random funny

Xbrad went to college?  I did not know this…

xbrad college

never mistakenly text Hotspur…

p-shop face

not as complicated as you might think, actually….

it's complicated

194 Comments

  1. Ahhhh Internet. What were you before The Chive?

  2. Carin, I just saw your post on FB regarding St. Brown’s mom and her shack-job. It also notes that he was raised by his grandmother, and that his parents never married.

    None of that matters to me, except for the fact that the media has not reported any of it. It doesn’t help their racist agenda.

    Fuck..

    Yea, it's just interesting. if only they'd cared about him when he was alive, perhaps the story would have turned out differently.

    I'm interested in 1) His mother's employment, 2) the Live-in's employment and 3) How often they saw their son.

  3. I just cleaned up one horrible task I’ve been putting off since before Thanksgiving. I hate procrastinating, but I just couldn’t face it.

  4. Hahahaha

    Whoa, you really are a racist!!!!!

  5. So, where did you bury the body?

  6. Did you write and mail all the Christmas cards to the “your moms” you’ve violated this year?

  7. Fixt Carin’s rayciss eyetalicks.

  8. Digging is too much work. Concrete block, rope, lake – some assembly required.

  9. *adds another quarter to Leon’s pile of pay for “typo editor”

  10. Guy was like “Dude, I only asked for a light.”

  11. Great link, Car in!

  12. The only missing element in the UVA story, is that the victim isn’t black.

    It’s weird how a story will automatically divide lefties and righties. The lefties will immediately believe it, and the righties will be skeptical until facts are known. Then the lefties will accuse the righties of being part of the rape culture.

  13. Burritos!

  14. What link?

  15. Gesundheit

  16. facedouche link, scott

  17. NSABook.

  18. http://tinyurl.com/XBradStyle

  19. Need video of “Arab rioter”.

    Preferably set to “Yakety-Sax”.

  20. Afternoon Hostages.

    So I was searching around for the SS gift I’m sending and I asked for someone’s opinion. Which lead to an explanation which lead to me sending them a pic of what I got last year. I had to go to last year’s SS post.

    Reading through it made me realize that I’ve not spent much time here at all lately and that sucks because most of you (those that don’t eat a bag of dicks) are awesome.

    So that’s a long way of saying I’m going to be bugging you more often.

  21. (those that don’t eat a bag of dicks)

    That’s basically noone at the H2, if I’m ciphering right.

  22. led

  23. Theeeere’s the bag of dicks….

  24. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/a-long-list-of-sex-acts-just-got-banned-in-uk-porn-9897174.html

    UK is over, this pretty much overturns the Magna Carta.

  25. Stolen:

    In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to an African jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, “You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he’s really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.” Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.

    ”Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”

    “Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I’ve represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of…..”

    Here the colonel interrupted, “Yes, yes, never mind that, Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fuck off.”

  26. Whatevah!

  27. Looks like I made it through Open House weekend with ONLY $300 in theft. WooHoo! Frozen CD, Taylor Swift 1989, and Frozen Sing-Along were the top theft items.

  28. *Puts snow tires on the blog*

  29. They stole it for the children

  30. Jimbro, I’m Messican, so I can say this: Actually have had SJW priests talk about it isn’t theft if it is food or for the children. I’ve walked out of Mass over this thought process. Know people that believe this Jean ValJean BS. Messicans steal food and stuff for kids all the time, because the priest said it wasn’t really stealing. Shoes, toys, clothes, candy. I can’t believe how many arguments I’ve gotten into with people over “What is theft?”

  31. GotG comes out next week! I got Awesome Mix 1 and Foo Fighters Sonic Highways on Black Friday. Saw Big Hero 6. Didn’t kill SiL. I’m having a great week!!!!

  32. I’ve read GotG comics but haven’t seen the movie yet.

  33. Jimbro, it is awesome. People were saying that Big Hero 6 was better, but I didn’t think so. Loved both. Preferred GotG.

  34. I stocked the Ebola Handbook next to the Obama book written by Chuck Todd.

  35. I bought a box of Boy Scout kettle corn popcorn, and it has sucralose in it. :(

  36. I’m allergic. Are you?

  37. Leon, did you see this lady? http://is.gd/pMjso6

  38. From the maker of the toasted marshmallow shot glass.

    http://is.gd/yx3WXo

    She seems to really hate shots, actually.

  39. Oh CRAP. sorry!!

  40. Ok, is fix.

  41. She looks like a fun girl

  42. Why wouldn’t you just buy the molds at Dillard’s? Meh. Too much work.

  43. DIY people are annoying. Not you guys though. You guys are cool.

  44. I want TBBT Clue Game. Dan asked me if I could remember the last Clue game I purchased. I can’t check the game closet. I REALLY want The Big Bang Theory Clue game. Even though no one in mi familia will play board games with us.

  45. You know how old people reference “Luxury!” and Monty Python? Ok, so a young cashier was talking about the first time he had a Toaster Strudel. He was like OMG! Instead of rolling out “Luxury!” I went with “You 1 % er! What is wrong with Pop Tarts?” 1%er he understood. Meh. Kids.

  46. If she had horns I would totally date her.

    Date, date, date.

  47. Shake shake shake Swift’yD/

  48. A while back I went to a German restaurant with some friends. When the waiter asked what I wanted to order I said “Toaster Schtruuuudel?!”

    D thought it was hilarious. M died of embarrassment. The waiter looked at the menu to see if it was listed.

  49. Happy Birthday, Michael! ♥♥♥

  50. Oso loves Jew. Bwah ha ha

  51. Kill me nao! Ace and Coldcuts talking Wings on Twitter.

  52. Did anybody consider anybody else actually catching their death of cold something of a hollow victory today?

  53. This day sucks.

  54. XB, how?

  55. Did you tell them to put chile on it, oso?

  56. Sorry to hear that, xB.

  57. I can’t believe I didn’t!!! My catch phrase.

  58. Leon, did you see this lady?

    I did, and while she’s plenty strong for her size and age, she cannot lift more than me.

  59. Hey Leon, http://tinyurl.com/kft3ukh

  60. I have to go to Laura’s final exam tomorrow.
    I’m the exam.

  61. What exam?

  62. WooHoo! Pre-body farm?

  63. It’s probably your prostate, Scott.

  64. good luck to both of you!

  65. They haven’t covered that yet.

  66. Jimbro, would you mind fielding a medical question?

  67. Nice story. I wonder if there were anabolics involved. Not saying she didn’t put in a lot of hard work, but, like, healing from a major injury is one of those things anabolics are awesome for, and we hesitate to prescribe them even then for fear that someone somewhere might play baseball.

  68. I don’t much care what she used, bravo to her.

    And as my wife found out back in June, you have to pass a polygraph the night before the competition. They ask you questions about all sorts of supplements/steriods/HGH.

  69. I’ve taken a polygraph. They didn’t catch me.

  70. Well, I mean, clearly you’re psychotic. You comment here. Regularly.

  71. I don’t care either, really, just curious.

    When Armstrong was recovering from cancer he was on a lot of gear but most of it was prescribed so it would never show in a screening. Don’t know if the Tour bothers with a poly.

  72. Did they do the full deal with the belly and chest strap or just the fingers and BP cuff?

  73. Full deal I believe.

  74. Some of the agencies are using voice stress analysis either in lieu of or in addition now, too. Mine was just mechanical/electrical sensors.

  75. That can’t be cheap. What was her entry fee?

  76. Is Anavar dangerous? I’m asking for a friend.

  77. Your liver will love it.

  78. Mom’s been having persistent UTI porblems. Went to the urologist yesterday, and he found a growth on the interior wall of mom’s bladder. Surgery Thursday to remove it. All day today was spent going to surgical prep. She’s been a patient of the hospital off and on for 30 years, but this is her first time dealing with surgery here. So we had to do the entire new patient screening, looking at all her scrips and conditions and all that shit. Plus an X-ray and blood work. While that shit was going on, I was trying to get permission from her cardiologist to take her off one med. No permission, no surgery. Took until 5 minutes before the office closed to get an answer. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

  79. She said she paid a separate fee for the polygraph of like $25. The entry fee was then another $35 for the figure division.

  80. I spent three hours yesterday entering all that info onto the EMR site for the hospital. But they can’t download it from there. Has to be manually entered by the surgical side. What a fucking clusterfuck. I sat there reading the answers from my fucking phone, while the RN typed it in.

    IT’S THE SAME FUCKING FORMS.

  81. Figure division?

    I think you need to post more pics of your wife.

  82. Liver?

  83. Figure division?
    I think you need to post more pics of your wife.

    Lol. I sent several pics to Leon right after her comp. He chose not to include them on the MMM. *ahem*

  84. It the extremely large fat thing in your abdomen.

  85. The fat in my stomach is fat.

  86. You did? I did?

    I know I saw them, I thought you linked them here so I didn’t put them in the binders.

    I think $25 would have covered very little of my CI poly. Mine took two hours, which is “short” for those. If I’m ever asked to do a full-scope, I may decline.

  87. Ask away Scott. Use my bro-gmail address. I’m half asleep now, it can hopefully wait till the morning.

  88. I saw Pepe’s link. You’ve let yourself go.

  89. Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease can be cured by acquiring alcoholism.

  90. Thanks. It can wait.

  91. Pretty sure.

    Hers lasted only a few minutes. She said they asked baseline questions, but only 3 or 4 questions that actually pertained to the comp/training/supplements.

  92. Part of the test is asking things you will tell the truth about (“Are you sitting down?”) and things you deliberately lie about to determine how your body reacts when you lie. In my case they had me write something that I had literally no attachment to, and then lie about having written it.

  93. Chatting with a friend on FB about Hide & Seek with home-made bow and arrows. He accelerated my crazy. Now, he’s a new grandfather.

  94. Since when does hide&seek involve archery?

  95. Euphemism?

  96. We created it. It was awesome, until my sister had to be sent to the hospital. Better than lawn darts.

  97. Your sister is weak.

  98. He’s the reason I set my yard on fire trying to cremate my pet mouse. best friend ever! He repeated the 6th grade because of me. LOL

  99. My cousins and I used to play “Tron”, meaning running around the yard whipping frisbees at each other.

  100. Not quite as Darwinist as my youth. Still pretty cool. Led to frisbee golf.

  101. WalMart/Sam’s is offering free Rosetta Stone to all interested employees. Dan wants to learn Spanish so he can understand the crap Spanish TV he already watches. I H8 novelas and Sabado Gigante.

  102. Frisbee golf is for wussies who fear welts and bruises.

    Oso: http://www.duolingo.com

  103. Who doesn’t fear welts and bruises?

    * hits Leon with bat *

  104. I’ll take getting hit with a bat over poison ivy or too much hay exposure.

  105. THX Leon. For Dan. I refuse to speak Spanish.

  106. I’ve finished the Spanish lesson set, and I still practice daily, but I’m starting to get rusty without my soap operas.

  107. Yep.

  108. Good for her

  109. Awesome. I pray for her daily. Trite, but I do.

  110. We just had BB gun wars in my impoverished youth.

  111. Unopened pinecones. Damn did those hurt.

  112. And prayer is never trite, oso.

  113. We saw her a few weeks. She looks old, but she’s still going strong.

    Might even outlive me at this rate…

  114. I still have a BB in my left earlobe. We used to play Army/Marines. Practice dying. Marines always threw themselves on the grenade. Army always had agonizing pool side deaths. No ONE ever played Air Force.

  115. Bcoch, I know. Sometimes I feel guilty for having such a prolific memory. I worry and Pray for all of you daily.

  116. I want CoAlex’s take on the new light saber.

  117. Used to play “fake football” with my older brother. (We couldn’t afford an actual football)

    It was fun until my brother tackled me and the sharp end of a dog bone went up under my kneecap.

    Good times.

    OT: put Mom on a train home today.

    Stress level ……. reducing.

    The vodka is helping.

  118. Bcoch,
    “Unopened pinecones. Damn did those hurt.”

    Horse Chestnuts could knock you the hell out…

  119. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

    Your prayers are most welcome and appreciated, oso.

  120. Horse Chestnuts AKA Fuzzy Bombs!!!

  121. We had something similar, ChrisP, but I can’t for the life of me remember what they were.

  122. Thanks, bcoch. I pray a lot. Roamy too. Good Catholic prayers ;)

  123. Leave the horses alone.

  124. Wiser, I never understood your Farkle story. Were you supposed to just lose and not care?

  125. Gem and mineral society Christmas dinner was tonight. Gentleman at our table started talking about feldspar. Mr. RFH and I exchanged knowing looks, and I tried not to laugh.

  126. Ha! Think I found it. Mockernut Hickory.

  127. >>>>
    Wiser, I never understood your Farkle story. Were you supposed to just lose and not care?

    Actually, I was supposed to lose 3 games in a row to someone who has never played before and not care.

    Because, it’s all about how it makes her feel. Since her feelings are preeminent

  128. I can’t believe the dares I took as a kid. Surprised I’m still alive. Hanging from rebar from a 3 story building was nothing until I got home with shredded school clothes. My Mom didn’t even care that 3 boys dropped before I did.

  129. Wait, what? You were supposed to throw some sort of game?

    What bullshit is this?

  130. Got it. Your Mom needs to come to a meet up and play board games with the H2.

  131. He was supposed to be happy with his participant ribbon.

  132. 1911! Faity was born the same year as my maternal grandmother! My goodness, wow. It would never have occurred to me that they could have been born the same time. But of course that is because mine passed 20 years ago, at age 83. My sweet little Nonna, a good friend to me. Miss her a lot.

    Hug on that old lady while you’ve got her.

  133. I think what really pushed me over the edge was that I was at the end of my fifth straight 13 hour work day, including Thanksgiving (and looking at the sixth such day starting at 8am the next morning) and seriously did not want to be entertaining her in the first place… She pushed my buttons.

  134. Some Tuesdays I do a full Rosary (Angelus, all 20 mysteries, etc) at my church with a small group that’s been doing it for years. I ended up missing a bunch of it while I tried to do some triage on the toilet in the lady’s room that had sprung a leak.

  135. >>>Wait, what? You were supposed to throw some sort of game?

    Not throw it. I was losing. Horribly. After losing first two games by a large margin and then seeing third game going the same way, I was sorta angry and frustrated.

    Do I slammed the dice cup down harder than I guess I should have.

    Apocalypse Now!

  136. I <3 Nonna stories.

  137. Sister Teresa told me I should consider it part of my Rosary. She laughed when I figured the mopping was worth at least a partial indulgence.

  138. PTI Farkle is a game of chance not skill.

  139. Sr Teresa gets it! :)

  140. >>>>Hug on that old lady while you’ve got her.

    Heh. My mom said to wiserbride (re: our fight) “well, he wouldn’t have spoken to your Grandmother like that, would he?”

    Props to wiserbride for responding “it’s not even close to the same situation.”

  141. AYFKM? Your mom isn’t competitive until it comes to WBs GM?

  142. 1911! Faity was born the same year as my maternal grandmother! My goodness, wow.

    No knock on your maternal gramms, but more importantly, that’s the same year the immortal Colt 45 Auto entered service with the Army.

  143. Hahahaha. I try my very best to avoid family board/card games with my in laws.

    Christmas Day years ago…it ended with my FiL yelling at grandma, spiking his glasses and storming out.

  144. You white people don’t even know. there’d be blood by now.

  145. >>>>
    AYFKM? Your mom isn’t competitive until it comes to WBs GM?

    Funny, huh?

    But ask her. She’s perfect. Everyone should realize this and has very little patience for those who do not.

  146. bcoch, my Ivy family won’t allow Dan and I to be on the same team. We kick ass. I got pissed one year and refused to be on a team. They won’t let me play solo. No Dan. No solo.

  147. *Pours vodka for WB*

  148. What’s really awesome is when my older BiL decides to purposely fuck with my FiL. I’ve seen him play for no other purpose than to fuck with my FiL and keep him from winning. Ignore the purpose and point of the game..just fuck with dad.

    Fun times. Fun times.

  149. >>>
    *Pours vodka for WB*

    Thanks. I expect to get the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a month tonight.

  150. Salud!

  151. bcoch…family. My Dad used to make us play poker for our allowance. I still can’t play poker. Makes me sick. (Better poker player than most people I know)

  152. We’ve found that we can handle simple card games like gin rummy and the like. That’s it.

  153. A toast to demanding mothers.

  154. Salud! How’s your Mom, Cyn?

  155. Nothing simple about gin rummy or pinochle when Messicans are involved. Bring me a drink, whitey :)

  156. I’m just bitter that I never made it past the kids table at euchre. Uncle John was on the USS Indianapolis. Never said a word. Seriously, we couldn’t talk and play euchre.

  157. I kicked ass at Trivial Pursuit. Used to be pretty good at Uno.

  158. Nothing simple about gin rummy or pinochle when Messicans are involved. Bring me a drink, whitey :)

    Here, have a Corona. Now I could use some mac n cheese. With crumbled bacon in it.

  159. Oh man, euchre. Haven’t played in years. Loved that game. Who knows how much we played in college. Perfect for long bus rides.

  160. Nobody will play Scrabble with me anymore – I make way too many points by strategically adding 1, 2, or 3 letters to the board.

    The TiFW girls learned well, though – they’ve actually heartened a few times here lately….

  161. Today was a better day. Thank goodness.

    And she’s getting some longer acting pain meds… when Medicare is damn good and ready to authorize them.

  162. Mac n cheese with green chile coming up.

  163. Looks at calendar. Tuesday. Yep. Magical day for Cyn mom.

  164. We do “cheat” in TiFW Scrabble, though – players are allowed to use a dictionary. We figured looking up words was a valuable teaching tool for all ages.

  165. Something wrong with you.

  166. Bcoch, out here, euchre was for wrestling recruiting. I didn’t even know! It was a dark and stormy night. Hickeys. I had to wear a long sleeve turtleneck in the Spring. 3 years of playing euchre to recruit.

  167. *Throws dictionary at TiFW*

  168. Dan has been really needy lately. Love you guys, but snuggle dog time.

  169. Night, oso!

  170. Apparently games similar to Euchre were the original purpose to Tarot cards. Trick-taking with the Trump cards (from “Triumph”) that most people today refer to as the “major arcana” because some theosophist/new-agey guy in the 1800s rebranded them as a fortune-telling tool and changed the names of some of the cards. And invented from whole cloth a whole esoteric Egyptian history for them, even though they come from the AD 1400s.

    “The Magician” for instance was originally “The Mountebank” or “The Juggler”.

  171. I’ll never go double electric blind nillow again.

  172. In my Army days, Spades was the game.

  173. racist

  174. Spades was too racist, so I only ever learned to play Hearts.

  175. Hey, I mostly played it with the black guys in the platoon.

  176. http://tinyurl.com/o62zsdb

  177. I’m not proud of the fact that I never learned much
    Just feel I should say, what you get is all derp
    I can’t put on an act, it takes brains to do that anyway

  178. Yeah, like leon has a heart. You wingnut racist, you.

  179. Wakey wakey.

    My kids are big on scrabble right now. Perhaps I should let them use the dictionary. I can see the benefit to that for now.

  180. i loved both euchre and hearts.

  181. It’s black as coal and two sizes too small, but it’s there.

  182. Good morning cool kids; I’ll whip out an HHD poat after I get back from taking the boys to school.

  183. Poat snow falling at the speed of meteors – cool!

  184. WHAT DO WE WANT?

    HHD

    WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

    NOW

  185. I think Hotspur should do HHD.

  186. You asked for your opinion?

  187. Where is my fixer?

    LEON, typo. STAT.

  188. My opinion is available to all, whether they ask or not.

    You’re welcome.

  189. I’d say Car in could do it, but we’d probably get a bunch of guys in tutus doing Zumba.

  190. This poat is very nearly dead if Cyn is on her game. I think I’ll leave it.

  191. Au contraire.

  192. Car in killed it in French.

  193. The French have pretty much screwed up everything since they decided to behead Louis XVI.


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