MMM-150: It’s like an F-150, but not a truck.

Greetings, turkey basters. Welcome to the Thanksgiving week edition of MMM. I’ve got a grueling 1.5 day week to get through before my holiday begins, so let’s get motivated.

First, accessories.
tumblr_mxt8ijHDsH1rpfztqo1_1280

A reminder that it’s almost time for Christmas shopping. You know, in like 3 or 4 weeks.
tumblr_my2wnanLyv1qdjo2ho1_500
Nice camera.
tumblr_n0mxrk5Ytf1r41ea0o1_1280
This might be a repeat. Don’t care.
tumblr_n1rpwlPOTo1rsftapo1_500
She fills out those shorts nicely.
tumblr_n6slwpXC8X1qdjo2ho1_1280
Black and yellow.
tumblr_n8m7k68huy1rzhufso1_1280
There’s a balls-on-face joke here, but I’m too polite to think of it.
tumblr_nc7b1iDhB61rg58bpo1_500
Anyone seen Pupster lately?
tumblr_ne2m6hxl7B1rc9mw1o1_500
I don’t know what’s happening here, but it’s a downright tragedy that I’m not part of it.
tumblr_nebpe6b7oO1rqlia6o1_500
Inner thigh vein. I’m sure you’ll all like this one.
tumblr_ness4jDRu11rrgn2so9_500
Okay, I’ll try to make up for that one with this one.
tumblr_nev9ku5PiR1tvqsy2o1_500
I know what her shirt says, but I just don’t buy it.
tumblr_nf2nq47pTD1t2rnsdo2_500
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone not working for the bloodsucking leeches at K-Mart.

327 Comments

  1. wakey wakey

  2. Or not.

  3. I effen hate keno. Last night, I was so buy doing keno…

    cripes. Next time you’re at a bar, and wondering why you’re not getting as good of service, look around at the bar customers demanding I run their damn keno slip every 4 minutes. shit.

    Sorry, sir, no i can’t make your drink. i have four keno slips to run. shit. It sucks.

  4. And, amazingly, people don’t see my keno running around reflected on their bill. So very few people add a bit for that shit.

    That’s just free running I do. some ass in the dining room kept coming up with slips, demanding I run them the second he got to the bar.

    GREAT. Let me drop EVERYTHING so i can do something for you that makes me zero money and angers the tippers at the bar.

    Stupid.

  5. Tie up on I-81 added 4 hours to Mr. RFH’s drive yesterday. Poor guy can’t catch a break.

  6. At the end of the night, a server asked what i made, and when I told her she was surprised. AFTER ALL THAT RUNNING?

    yea. it was mostly fucking keno. It takes a manageable amount of guests into a hair-pulling amount.

  7. I have a mental image of Carin looking like one of those multi-armed Indian goddesses, these hands making drinks, these hands running keno, and one hand flipping off everybody.

  8. The hand-flipping off what in my head.

    Seriously, folks, just drop that twenty in my tip jar, and I’ll tell you that you lost the wager. It’s a win /win.

  9. If I weren’t so buy, I’d keep track what people spent. My keno sales were over 1000 at the end of the night.

  10. Gambling is a tax on the innumerate. I wouldn’t have it at my bar.

    One vice at a time, people!

  11. For a SUNDAY. not busy-busy. bar 75% full at it’s busiest, and only for a few hours.

  12. *subscribes to leon’s newsletter

  13. *hires someone to fix my typos.

    *goes for moar coffee

  14. Fix YOUR typos? We aren’t talking minimum wage, here. This takes a dedicated employee.

  15. >>If I weren’t so buy

    Am I missing some meaning of the word ‘buy’ here?

  16. Yes, Tushar, Buy with an s is a synonym for busy.

  17. Tushar, don’t you know someone I can hire to fix my typos? ESL is fine.

  18. Fix my typos and run my Keno.

  19. Will I get a tip for fixing typos?

  20. That dude from Red Hot Chili Peppers up there in the third-to-last photo is more buff than I thought.

  21. I thought that was the dude from the Cult, Cyn?

    *confused

  22. Will I get a tip for fixing typos?

    I will tip based on quality.

    If you make me sound moar smart and funnah, then yes.

  23. I’m still in MA, been visiting the parents. It’s pouring rain and I’ve got a 4 1/2 hour drive home. Le sigh. At least it’s not snow.

  24. I can’t tell anymore so they’re all guys until somebody points out a girl thing

  25. My BiL is a senior guy at UPS. His territory includes the Buffalo, NY region. He’s been having more than his usual amount of insomnia and acid reflux.

  26. At least it’s not snow.

    Yet.

    Or ice.

  27. Here’s an idea, Car in. Put a $5 on the table. Then tell the person that’s their tip, and you’re taking a dollar away for every mistake.

    That’s never been done.

    (quickly screws up 5 times on purpose)

  28. I figure Car in has heard every variation of “tip” joke out there!

  29. Are you gonna get any of that upstate New York snow, Jimbro? They are about to flood, now that the temps are climbing into the 60s.

  30. Rained here all morning, I was glad I had a cap on the way out of mass.

  31. This is how you debunk a report, media. Starring you:

    The Federalist: 20 Ways Media Completely Misread Congress’ Weak-Sauce Benghazi Report

    Over/under on the number of mainstream media persons to read this article? The line starts at 1. Place your bets.

  32. Wingnut. Benghazi was caused by a video.

  33. *makes disgusting video that causes sunni and shia to bomb each other with discount russian nukes*

  34. And Chuckie Hagel is under the bus.

  35. I can’t help but think that he’s glad to be getting the hell outta there.

  36. I thought the Benghazi “report” was just from a “panel” of 2 people.

    That committee report must be pretty damning if the administration feels the need to put the panel opinion out ahead of the real thing…..

  37. Rummy should call him and laugh. Just laugh.

  38. So we had a sweet car experience this morning – the dealership where we purchase our Hondas recently opened up a “satellite” office in our neighborhood.

    We just make an appointment, drop the van off 5 blocks from our house, and they drive it to the dealership to get serviced. They also drive us back to our house and pick us up when the van gets back.

    The best part? They have a wine shop with noshes – that’s actually the “main” business at that location; the car stuff is more of a courtesy/novelty.

    DD#3 dropped the van off this morning at 6:45, should be ready for pick-up this afternoon.

  39. *opens microbrewery/tanning salon/mechanic bidness*

  40. My Toyota dealership has had a spa/salon for years; the bar idea is cool.

  41. If I could get mechanics to work 2nd/3rd shift, adding a bar (without keno) would be sweet.

  42. Jiffy Lube / massage parlor.

    This could work.

  43. Long John Silver/Body Shop

  44. Long John Silver/Body Shop

    Those aren’t customers you want.

  45. Pharmacy/Battery store

  46. I just noticed that the last picture has two different pairs of panties. Or photoshop changed it somehow.

  47. “panties”

  48. This tuna smells funny.

  49. Battery/ running store!

  50. Fake double worky worky

  51. Hostage Family Theater, TiFW-style:

    TiFW DD#3 asked family members to provide her with a list of what they would like for Christmas. TiFW gave DD#3 a page ripped out of a catalog, with desired item noted and appropriate size/color indicated

    DD#3: I went online; the stuff you were asking for wasn’t even on the store’s website. Can you maybe find it somewhere else?

    TiFW: That was fast – they had a bunch of them in stock just the other day….

    Takes catalog page to computer, logs onto “xxxxx.com” listed at bottom of page, enters item number in search box, item pops right up

    TiFW: Umm….what website were you looking on?

    DD#3: “yyyyy.com”

    TiFW: Huh? Why did you look at that website?

    DD#3: I just assumed that’s where you got that page.

    TiFW: *Head explodes*

  52. More exciting currency news:
    http://www.examiner.com/article/germany-to-bypass-dollar-trade-as-direct-currency-settlement-with-yuan-begins

    Buy precious metals and peppercorns. Or lots of high-grade ethanol in glass bottles.

  53. My Toyota dealership has had a spa/salon for years; the bar idea is cool.

    Well, it’s not really a dealership or a repair shop – you can just drop your car off there, and they transport it to the dealership for you.

    It’s more of a wine shop with a unique twist….

    (I LOVE the idea of a spa/salon, though – might mention that to the main dealership location!)

  54. Planned Parenthood/Driving Range

  55. PP/Batting cages. It would help the girls get rides and take up less space.

  56. John Dingell is getting a medal at the White House today. I’d like to be the one to pin it on him.

  57. You misspelled Walmart.com.

  58. Pizza Hut/Taco Bell

  59. Here’s a twist on traditional pecan pie:

    http://www.ourbestbites.com/2014/11/caramel-chocolate-pecan-pie/

  60. Pizza Hut/Taco Bell

    It’ll never work.

  61. Combo Taco Bell/Urgent Care

  62. Taco Bell/Acey Duecey Porta Potties

  63. Crossfit/Dunkin Donuts

  64. KFC/Petting Zoo

  65. JiffyLube/Proctologist

  66. Home Depot/Liquor Store

  67. Record store/Music store

  68. Crossfit/Chipotle is actually a proven winner.

  69. Strip club / kids pizza parlor

  70. Race Track/Savings Bank

  71. Weight Watchers/Baskin Robins

  72. butcher shop/mosque

  73. Starbucks / Lululemon

  74. American Girl/Victoria’s Secret

  75. M’am! can you run these seven keno slips for me Now?!! My consume’ is getting cold!

  76. Bunny Ranch / BYU

  77. day care/art supply store

  78. First Baptist Church and Distillery.

  79. Bake Shop/THC Bakery

  80. Heh

  81. ^^Detroit gingerbread house

  82. Fireworks Store / Benihana

  83. Taco Shop/Guadalajaran Embassy

    What?

    That’s already a thing?!

    Fak.

  84. Recruiters office/Meth lab

  85. that ginger bread haus rules!!

  86. First Baptist Church and Distillery.

    Been done.
    http://youtu.be/YliBqsV3YMc

  87. Massage Parlor/ J.O. Joint

    What?

    Again?

    Fak.

  88. Hahahahahahaha

    Headline at Breitbart: Hagel Chucked

  89. There’s an “Asian Massage Parlor” on I-94 that’s been shut down once every election season or so by the cops/sheriff.

  90. Strength Training Gym / Transvestite Therapist

  91. Gay bar/Enemas R Us

  92. Strength Training Gym / Messican veterinarian clinic

    “mi perro es muy pequeno, puede ayudar?”

  93. Dennis Miller would be proud of this poat, with the high-brow references that no one gets.

  94. Fruit Stand / Gallagher Show

  95. Ghetto Bar/Bail Bonds

  96. Strength Training Gym / Transvestite Therapist

    ISWYDT
    Very clever.

    Used PC Laptop Emporium / Skeet N Trap Range

  97. http://tinyurl.com/l3r9md7

  98. One would think the JELLO gals/guys would be working through the Holiday Break.

  99. Jello store/wrestling gym

  100. Poop blog / recipe blog

  101. Ha!

  102. Google Headquarters/NSA

  103. Frat House Bar/Your Mom Hotel

  104. Laptop store/lapdance store

  105. H8CHKN/Total Wine wait…what are we playing?

  106. Evidently the Ferguson verdict is ready.

    Burn, baby, burn.

  107. ♪ Disco Inferno ♫

  108. Angry Raging Mob / All White Grand Jury

  109. Ferguson Chamber of Commerce/Gun Store

  110. Torch & Pitchfork Outlet Store / FOP Bar & Grill

  111. Oval Orifice/ Giapetto’s Workshop

  112. Adam & Eve Adult Superstore/Dick’s Sporting Goods

  113. Heh. Just noticed “Fergadishu” commenting at the HQ. Dammit. Coke Zero through the nose burns.

  114. East Room/Driving range

  115. Ferghazi

  116. Oval Office/Cigar Store

  117. Corona Factory/Wiserhouse

  118. Bullwhip Store/MJ House

  119. Corona Factory/Wiserhouse

    That is the most brilliant idea I have ever heard in my entire life.

  120. US State Dept/Creperie

  121. What if the New Black Panthers threw a riot and nobody came?

  122. “So many steps in front of The State Haus!”

    -New Black Panters

  123. I was sure they were going to release the grand jury findings on Black Friday.

  124. “You want me to stir it for you?”

    -Nude Black Panthers

  125. Supposed to be in the low thirties in Ferguson tonight.

    Nude Black Panthers = Shrinkage

  126. “Where is everybody?”

    -Few Black Panthers

  127. Wind’s been so bad here today that a pine tree blew down in my neighbor’s yard, right into the street. Live pine, trunk maybe 12″ at the base. Crazy.

  128. Wait, that’s one of the sycamores, they already had it limbed and it’s in the same bundle as the pines so I was confused.

    Work crew is dismantling it already, it was in the street.

  129. Blew Black Panthers

    … and it was awesome

    — Sandra Fluke

  130. Jew Black Panthers

    Founded by Sammy Davis, Jr.

  131. “Righty tighty, lefty loosey.”

    -Screw Black Panthers

  132. Mew Black Panthers – fucking pussies.

  133. “Get off mah Lan!!”

    -Shoo Black Panthers

  134. Glue Black Panthers

    *snifff*

  135. “The Revolution passed you by. Get a job.”

    -To, Black Panters et al.

  136. “Remember those vote suppressing Pole sitters with clubs and crack pipes?”

    -Who? Black Panthers?

  137. Scenes from Star Wars –

    Bew Bew Bew Black Panthers |o| |o| |o|

  138. Gnu Black Panthers.

    That’s it. no punchline. That’s the joke.

  139. Honky,with the oppression, in the Ghetto.

    Clue! Black Panthers Edition

  140. Despicable Me III

    -Gru Black Panthers

  141. Pew Black Panthers

    Filthy bastards.

  142. hahaha

  143. “Im achy and I just threw up in my lincoln”

    -Flu Black Panthers

  144. “Stroke Stroke Stroke!”

    -Crew Black Panthers

  145. “Okay, everyone line up. Starting here and then straight back and around the corner. COME ON PEOPLE!!!!”

    Queue Black Panthers

  146. “You’re on!”

    Cue Black Panthers

  147. “Shhhh.. be very quiet… we don’t want to spook them….”

    View Black Panthers

  148. Cru Black Panthers

    Fucking winos.

  149. Spook – Raycissss!!!!!!!

  150. TWO! TWO Black Panthers! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!

    – Count Count

  151. “Too…. Black Panther

    Try dialing it back just a bit…”

    – Hotspur’s Dresser

  152. “Get Out of This Haus!!”

    – Boo Black Panthers

  153. “Brown in a pan drippings and flour, Don’t burn it.”

    -Rue Black Panthers

  154. You can tell them by their high cheekbones.

    Sioux Black Panthers

  155. “Whew! Black Panthers.”

    -said no one ever.

  156. Poo Black Panthers – really shit the bed this time.

  157. “Brown a Lb of beef squares add to 1 qt of water celery carrots onion bouillon cube. salt and paper to taste let simmer for 4hrs.”

    -Stew Black Panthers

  158. “I am the Egg Man.”

    -Coo Coo Catchoo Black Panthers

  159. “Would you like another schnitzengruben?”

    – Woo Blank Panthers

  160. “The square of the length of the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares of the lengths of the other two sides.”

    -True Black Panthers

  161. “We’re gonna need more clamps!”

    Glue Black Panthers

  162. Yannow, just to make the numbers more meaningful…

    Skew Black Panthers

  163. “Who’s up for some cow tipping?!! Yeeeee Hawww”

    – Moo Black Panthers

  164. way to kill it dead, cyn.

  165. Can you blame her? It’s a pretty terrible thread/joke.

    *burns down blog

  166. when do I get my secret Santa?

  167. Can you blame her? It’s a pretty terrible thread/joke.

    it was doing okay until you decided to try your hand at it.

    Seriously? “Gru” jokes?

    What are you, 6?

  168. btw, MJ, you gonna be around this weekend?

  169. *reads the SS square near the Header.*

    Oh. Psssss der!

    Who’s Gru? I have a six year old and I never heard of that crap.

  170. Pllffftt. Admit it, you loved that movie.

    Yes, I’ll be around. I’ll be poolside, but I’ll be around.

  171. I was trying to save it, but alas..

  172. I’ll get ’em out sunday, Chumporooski.

  173. Well aw’righty then. I have a lot of work to do to get ready for Dec 10th.

    *pops in Bugs Bunny DVD*

  174. *cough* I’m taking highest bidder not to get Wiser or Mare as their SS Victim *cough*

  175. I was reading the SNL fact check comments at the HQ.

  176. Wait…..the Giants lost?

    They were kicking ass when I went to bed.

  177. http://tinyurl.com/l4ps9gv

  178. Dive into a septic tank for a phone?

  179. Scott, I fell asleep thinking the Giants had won. Too many 5AM shifts messing with my game watching.

  180. Polling African American voters.

    -Pew Black Panthers.

  181. Yum. I’m field testing a new Rum. Who’s had El Dorado before? I had no idea. Evidently leaving liquor in the cask for many years makes it taste better!!

    I feel like I’m taking Crazy Pills.

    (Jimebro, pass the crazy pills)

  182. I think I’ll field test my Absolut this evening.

  183. That sounds dirty.

  184. (Puts on his best Frank Drummond)

    Makes you feel Dirty…like diving into a septic tank for for wifes broken cell phone…Sure you may get the Big Prize from the man upstairs when the fumes choke you out and you drown in community cess but will the satisfaction that your bald headed mother dives in after you make it worth the pain?

  185. Greetings, Mamas, Papas, and people who otherwise find this day untrustworthy.

  186. Hi Double. I have to go to dinner now.

    BBL

  187. Laters, Chumpster.

    I heard this song this morning. It’s kind of a downer, but it’s also really beautiful.

    http://youtu.be/JODshFyKHuA

  188. I stopped at the NH State Liquor Store today on the way home. It’s conveniently located off of I-95 in tax free NH. Two bottles of wine (Riesling and a table red), Bulleit bourbon, Tito’s vodka, B & B, Cointreau, Buffalo Trace bourbon, Sheep Dip blended scotch and Christmas bourbon. Alas, no fancy rums.

  189. mmm, B&B

  190. Somebody gave me a shot of cinnamon tequila the other day. Surprisingly good. I guess the cinnamon red-hot whiskey supposedly has something bad in it. But this info came from a big greenie, so screw it, what’s a little anti-freeze gonna hurt?

  191. I haven’t had a bottle of that in ages. This one will last for years.

  192. Ethanol is an antidote for ethylene glycol poisoning!

  193. The Fireball Whiskey apparently has propylene glycol in it. Which, since you vape, you’re already getting.

  194. So are Beasn and Rosetta safely barricaded tonight?

  195. Ethanol is an antidote for ethylene glycol poisoning!

    I saw that episode of House.

  196. http://tinyurl.com/ldy948e

  197. Norwegian navy practice http://is.gd/7IzP12

  198. I made the mistake of reading comments at Scott’s link. Kill me nao

  199. Take me down to Ferguson City
    Where the grass is brown and the riots are shitty. . .

  200. Over/under on riot deaths?

  201. that was via DrewM.

    Interesting treatment but I don’t think it would work

  202. What what in da butt?

  203. The whiskey and opium might have worked.

  204. Opium is a pretty nifty drug.

  205. Seen @ AoS:

    How many guys wearing brand new sneakers does it take to carry a 60″ flat screen 4 blocks?

    I’m asking for a friend.

  206. I made the mistake of reading comments at Scott’s link. Kill me nao

    Me too. I read on, thinking that it was a joke, but no.

  207. Propylene glycol? Eh, never heard of it, so I’m not going to worry.

    *vapes deeply*

  208. Lippy, do not go to Jimbro’s butt chugging link.

  209. One of my coworkers told me about a whisky booze thing called ‘Piehole’. She said one of them tastes like apple pie and another one tastes like pecan pie and they’re pretty nice tasting. She’s going to bring a bottle to Thanksgiving dinner.
    Skeptical.

  210. The Whiskey Butt Rebellion was a thing, in history.

    That shit happened man.

  211. Lauraw, hard apple cider with a shot of Fireball is pretty good. More like a spiced baked apple than apple pie. I prefer Jim Beam’s Kentucky Fire. (When is the NSA going to tip JB off to all my shilling for them on social media?)

  212. DiT, pretty sure the Whiskey Butt Rebellion was western PA. Mcpo isn’t really from there, he just lives there.

  213. Butt chugging? Aside from the yuck factor of sticking something up your hiney, you’d miss out on the whole fun of drinking: the taste and the tingle as it goes down.

  214. I’m from Whiskey Butt Rebellion Country!

    *staggers proudly, places order for T-shirt *

  215. You might lose out on the taste, but I would imagine there’s a tingle involved.

  216. Are you going to WBR country for Thanksgiving?

  217. You said that like you know something Sean

  218. I forget that Lippy is a Yinzer not a beach baby.

  219. I think they’re on BPT in #Ferguson….

  220. I said “I would imagine,” dave. I don’t have to have put whiskey up my ass to figure out that it’s a sensitive area.

    I mean, I can pretty much extrapolate that from the feeling I got pouring vodka into my dickhole.

  221. Sean, I don’t need back that funnel I loaned you that time. Keep it ok.

  222. ^^^hahaha, yeah Sean, that would buuurn^^^

    Osita, no, I’m going to take a break from packing on Thanksgiving to go to Marie Callender’s. Christmas and New Year’s will be in yinzer country, though. I miss my family.

    What are you doing? Is the SIL suddenly going to join the family? Is Dan cooking a turkey with hot pepper garnish?

  223. “You might lose out on the taste, but I would imagine there’s a tingle involved.”

    http://tinyurl.com/lmpluwf

  224. o_O

  225. My turkey is cooked, and in the fridge. Debating on freezing it.

  226. Butt chugging is really a thing?

    God I love America.

  227. Drudge says no charges.

  228. No true bill on any of the 5 possible charges – no indictments.

  229. Lippy, Dan and I had planned on taking MiL to see FiL at the nursing home, and then cooking the turkey at her house. We are taking her to Mass and cooking dinner. SiL is bringing a few sides. (I’m still pissed that she and the kids were “Too busy” to spend Thanksgiving with the inlaws before. Dan thinks I should just let it go and be glad that they have stepped up recently. I told my youngest nephew to get over to MiLs house to rake leaves and clean the backyard.

  230. No chile. Ok, maybe some green chile for the turkey. No red chile for the potatoes though.

  231. Iowa State about to play Alabama on ESPN2. Just sayin.

  232. Dan thinks I should just let it go and be glad that they have stepped up recently.

    http://youtu.be/f3jdbFOidds

  233. I learned about alcohol enemas in med school but quickly forgot about them after making a few jokes with my friends. This story raised them in my consciousness again:

    http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Wife-accused-of-giving-man-lethal-enema-1941985.php

  234. Prediction: At some point after turkey SiL will bring up the subject of the will and want to know where she stands. And good for you for telling the nephew to rake the leaves!

    No charges, eh? Good, you could tell from the convenience store tape that the guy was all about intimidation that day. He wasn’t in a surrendering mood. Shouldn’t have taken this long, but maybe they wanted to draw it out in hopes that things would have calmed down by now.

  235. Sean, great song. My FiL wasn’t a fan of his SiL or grandkids, but he would’ve been glad for my MiL that they were around. Seeing the kids break down at the Rosary was cathartic for me. But I’m a vindictive beeyotch that way.

  236. I knew about St Skittles, but it took Fergadishu (heh) for me to know about the Swisher Sweets.

  237. I still don’t know what happened.

  238. 3 quarts? I wouldn’t think that would be possible.

  239. OMG…I told Dan that I was making soup and sammiches for dinner. He actually expects me to make soup and sammiches…he isn’t taking over. (Canned soup, like I’d really ‘make’ soup)

  240. His was a well trodden colon. But, yeah, 3 liters seems outrageous.

  241. Heating soup.

    You didn’t make that.

  242. I know, Scott, I know. Semantics!!!

  243. Well, that would explain the yelling and what not I hear outside.

  244. It’s all quiet on the Penobscot River.

  245. Wow those are some seriously dumbass reporters. They drank the kool-aid.

  246. All quiet in Costa Mesa. Here inside the gated community, heh.

  247. They didn’t just drink the Kool-Aid – they helped make it.

  248. All quiet in Paradise Hills. Not even gunshots from the Section 8 apartments on the arroyo.

  249. Oh, crap – Narcissist Barry is gonna bless the nation with his benevolent wisdom right about now.

    ‘Cuz it’s not about Michael Brown, it’s about Barack Obama.

  250. Jimbro, they eventually dropped the charges in the sherry enema case.

  251. Did anybody steal a bunch of liquor and burn down all the neighborhood businesses to get justice for anybody else today?

  252. I H8 soup. Dan decided he filled up on hummus and chips AFTER I warmed the soup.

  253. I saw that Lippy. The “burning of his will” part which sounded awfully suspicious wasn’t proven.

  254. I’m meeting GNDs family tomorrow. Should I:

    1. Get drunk on the plane. Free booze amiright?
    2. Tell the Chad story
    3. Talk about GNDs flexibility
    4. Roofie a random family member
    5. Try to fart the alphabet

  255. You warmed it wrong.

  256. Stouffer’s beef and macaroni.

    Oh, plus stealing a bunch of liquor and tennis shoes and burning down the hood. I’ll spare the large saltwater pool, the theater and the gym, though. Don’t want my new polo shirt to get charred. Mighty (censored) of me.

  257. Wow, oso can’t even make soup.

    What about ice?

  258. I thought you, GND, and Face Ripper were spending the holiday on a beach or something? What has GND told you about the familia? Dan knew mi familia was nuts before I took him home.

  259. I can make ice, sheesh.

  260. MJ: Yes.

  261. MJ, fart the alphabet, it’s a great ice-breaker and everybody will be more relaxed afterward. Trust me.

  262. Since when is there free booze on an airplane?

  263. Lipstick knows things.

  264. roofie, roofie, roofie, roofies, roofis.,.,, rooffff uck, roooooooooo…. ahhh arrrrrhhh

  265. I haven’t met a girl’s family in about 11 years, and even then there wasn’t a Dad, just a Mom and a Grandma.

  266. “I haven’t met a girl’s family in about 11 years,”

    that’s ok leon, let it out – we’re an open, affirming, and inclusive chat room; i saw it in the header once

  267. Introduce them to your Bert and Ernie Muppets, MJ

  268. Meet her family wearing your rock climbing outfit.

    *waggles eyebrows*

    They’ll love you.

  269. 6) Hit on her mom and then her sister.

  270. Oooh…speak Spanish. Not real Spanish but rayciss Bloombergian Spanish. Or channel Samuel L Jackson.

  271. “Hello, I’m the midget who is violating your daughter on a regular basis. Care to see the Mexican wrestling mask that she got me for my birthday?”

  272. I didn’t know MJ was a luchador. Cue Wiser with The More You Know link.

  273. Some booze bottle juggling might be impressive.

  274. G’night. Stupid Tune in Tuesday.

  275. Watching the AMAs last night and Dan didn’t know any of the songs or performers except for Taylor Swift. I was like “Dude, Sam’s TV. We carry the CDs.” Really wish I didn’t know who they were or their songs.

  276. Show them how they can use a shoebox to build you a luxury apartment.

  277. Muddling mint is quite a talent.

  278. Highway 44 is shut down in both directions. The stupid governor said they will allow traffic shut down so long as the ‘protesters’ are peaceful.

    Little Caesers is a fireball. Public storage up in flames. Residents being evacuated.
    They already burned down a nail salon, set Walgreen’s and McDonald’s on fire. I hear Walmart and toys r us are looted and the dollar tree.

  279. Where the f*ck are the National Guard? They could use them to clear the highway.

  280. Maybe they’re peaceful fires.

    Kidding… I don’t envy you, Beasn, and I hope you are safe.

  281. I’d loot Nordstrom, not the Dollar Store.

  282. Stay safe, beasnsnsnsnsss

  283. I’d loot Nordstrom, not the Dollar Store.

    That’s because you have class and taste. Is there even a Nordstrom nearby?

  284. That’s why there’s not a Nordstrom’s there, only a Dollar Store.

  285. Hey guys, let’s go steal some nice suits and shoes for our job interviews next week!

  286. You can take all the stuff you looted from the Dollar Store and return it at Nordstrom. They have a very generous return policy.

  287. Sam’s club, O’Reilly auto parts

    Firemen being shot at.

    Thanks Cyn. My BiL is out there. And someone published addresses and marriage records of metro area police officers.

  288. I hope you and yours (and Rosetta and eddiebear, etc.) all stay safe, beasn.

  289. I’m far enough out in the suburbs that it doesn’t directly affect me. It’s another story for my family and friends who are cops.

    There goes Sam’s meat market. They’re now climbing over walls at Emerson electric.

  290. Rosetta and eddiebear are in the city but a bit south of the action…though it’d be best if they stayed indoors for awhile to see how far the shit spreads.

  291. I wish they’d check in with us.

    Are people actually trapped in their cars on the highways?

  292. There goes Sam’s meat market.

    Alice will be heartbroken.

    (yes, I’m an evil person.)

  293. I was a freshman in high school when the L.A. Riots went down. And, yeah, while I was safe out in the suburbs, I knew a lot of people whose family members were those “Rooftop Koreans” you’re seeing posted on facechimp. Lots of rumors and fear during that week.

    Get used to your local Race Hustlers calling this the Ferguson “Rebellion” or “Uprising” instead of a riot for the next 20 years.

  294. They’re not looting. They’re charging it to Obama’s Race Card.

  295. Hi. I’ve been away, doing some five-finger discount shopping at Ferguson Market and Liquor. Anyone want a Swisher Sweet?

  296. I was a freshman in high school when the L.A. Riots went down. And, yeah, while I was safe out in the suburbs, I knew a lot of people whose family members were those “Rooftop Koreans” you’re seeing posted on facechimp. Lots of rumors and fear during that week

    I spent the first afternoon of riots standing on the roof of a 12 story high rise in Park La Brea. Half the sky was smoke from a burning Firestone store nearby.

  297. How’s the Hate House, George?

  298. Oh, it hasn’t blown away yet in this wind. Actually the front yard ground cover has filled in nicely. Getting little yellow blooms in the Dymondia.

    Saw a Steller’s jay in the yard the other day, coming for peanuts I leave for Scrub jays. Steller’s jays have amazing crests.

  299. So, explosions at O’Reilly’s Auto Parts in Ferguson?

    Precisely who will be dumb enough now to ever open or run a business in Ferguson?

  300. I dunno, Eric. Probably some hardworking legal immigrants busting their asses 20 hours a day bloodthirsty interlopers exploiting The Community.

  301. Mr. Bont, do you think the Constitutional Scholar-King will recommend local authorities exercise… prosecutorial discretion… when it comes to dealing with rioters?

    Uh, I mean “righteous protestors.” My white privilege made me think animals breaking into stores, looting and burning, were looters instead of civil rights martyrs.

  302. FREEDOM FIGHTERS, YOU DEAD-ASS HONKY

  303. That’s “dead-ass Limey,” if you please, 007.

  304. a u-city cop shot in ferguson. Protesters moving towards Shaw neighborhood. I think that may be near Rosetta.

  305. Has anyone beaten up Chris Hayes yet?
    Just hoping.

  306. hi george. Still dead? Don’t stay away so long.

  307. Hi, Mr. Chumpo. Just been distracted with other things. Still fully dead, however.

  308. Cop was shot in U-City. U-City and Shaw near rosetta stomping grounds.

    Some protests popping up in S City.

  309. A Limey is always a honky, but a honky isn’t always a Limey, Eric.

  310. Honky or Limey, the one guy everyone is ignoring in Ferguson is Smokey the Bear.

  311. “Remember, only you can prevent Walgreens fires.”

  312. I only just saw this now. I’m already rotting in hell so I’ll enjoy this without guilt:

    Monday night while covering the Ferguson riots MSNBC’s Chris Hayes was forced off air because he had to run for cover from gun shots ringing out behind him after the grand jury announcement that Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson will not face charges

  313. By the way, as far as I know, Holder is still dragging on the civil rights investigation into Wilson.

  314. Well, good night, ye gods and monsters.

  315. Goodnight George. Don’t forget to turn out that little nightlight in your coffin.

  316. That’s not a night light, that’s phosphorescent fungus. Unless it’s worms of color setting fire to my coffin in protest over permanent curfew six feet under.

  317. Well, that would at least keep you warm.

  318. I’m up and down the Derp way, in an’ out the light
    What a great traffic system it’s so bright
    I can’t think of a better way to spend the night
    Then speedin’ around underneath the yellow lights

  319. I thought you, GND, and Face Ripper were spending the holiday on a beach or something? What has GND told you about the familia? Dan knew mi familia was nuts before I took him home.
    —————————————-
    Flying to FL, having lunch with the family, then driving to a little island for the week.

  320. *loots POL page, burns down recipe blog, dances wildly at IB, flashes worpuss moderators, appears on TV to explain how the telecommunications act of 1905 is responsible for my behavior.

  321. MOM, MJ IS ACTING LIKE AN ENTITLED MINORITY AGAIN!!!!!

  322. The Community Organizer and Lightbringer (TM) spoke to the people last night. So glad he calmed everyone down and brought peace to Ferguson. Wait, whut?

  323. Praying for Beasn, Rosetta, Eddie, and all of Rocketboy’s STL friends to be safe.


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS