As you may have heard, my hard drive went down, again. Worse than the holocaust, I tell ya.
Is it morning already? Time for your mom to put on her favorite t shirt.
Your dad teaching your mom how he gets ready for work.
Ah Mila. Show us how it’s done.
Enjoy your Saturday, fuckers.
October 25, 2014
Categories: alcohol, ann coulter, bacon, Balls, BANGLAR BIRTHDAY!!, Barack Obama, bbq, cat blogging, Cheedy, Chief Grumpybutt, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, conspiracy theory, Fucking Wagon, Good Stupid, Joke thread, Kyle, Le Luc Long, people make me sick, Phone blogging, POON!, truther, Vaseline Kiss, WarPr0n, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, you might be gay if you like this, YOU WISH, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, You're a TOTAL douche, You're gonna love my nuts, Your mom likes this . . Author: MJ
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The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
04/25/17
I wrote to Hillary Clinton when she was the First Lady. Here is copy…
Dear Mrs. Clinton,
If you’d give President Clinton a blow job once in a while he wouldn’t put a cigar in a ladies (my mommy calls her a whore whatever that is) hooha.
Sincerely,
Mare
Prove I didn’t send that to her.
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
This is bullshit.
You guys ready for a story?
So last night, I wait on this 6-top.Gave them great service, and they kept going ON AND ON about how super-awesome I was.
Later, the guy tells me it was the best service he’s ever gotten anyway, and then as he’s leaving, he walks across the restaurant to say He ‘would be remiss’ if he didn’t tell me again how awesome I was.
$10 on $70.
Oh gosh, that’s ALMOST 15%.
*cue comments about how people ALWAYS give 15% and up for good service.
I’m telling you, there are a LOT of people out there who don’t. I got $3 on $65 the other day from some old man.
(in other news, that was my only shitty tip and I got $28 on $130 from another table)
You get a lot of shitty tips.
It’s probably you.
Shut up.
It was a set up. The praise was the tip.
“Even though you busted your ass for us in the expectation of a good tip we already know we’re not leaving a good one so we’re praising you”
Verbal tip, we call ’em.
Lowest I ever paid for gas was $0.77/gal, right after Desert Storm, in the middle of rural Adventist country.
And I hate that wordpress doesn’t auto-link noo poats anymore.
Every update is a downgrade, it’s like MS Office.
That gif is not moving. The gif is stiff.
I don’t give those. I only give $$ or The Tip.
Sometimes both.
I gave your mom a Verbal Tip
Yeah, 0-motion gif for me too.
Time to go install a floor.
Most important story of the day
http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/10/23/roach-scurries-around-city-council-chamber-as-pest-control-boss-testifies/
Happy birthday, XBrad!
Happy BDay XB!!
just the tip
Drive by
http://tinyurl.com/getting-a-leg-up
You shut up, chicken abandoner.
Happy Birthday, Michael!
Happy Birthday, XBrad!
GIF-y no move-y…..
I paid $0.77/gal for gas in Indiana in 1999. It doubled pretty soon after that, IIRC.
Fucking painted ugly rags masquarading as halloween costumes for $40 apiece.
WTF?
The last tank of gas I bought when I left Wyoming in 1998 was $0.72. When I got to California two days later I paid $1.50. I bitched at the cashier like MCPO shouting at the neighbor’s kid.
Happy Birthday, Xbrad.
Happy birthday Xbrad.
I was going to get you some tentacle prons, but then I realized you probably have plenty.
That was a great joke – ha ha
Mr. TiFW and his friend just installed the 65″ TV in the new room – it takes up the entire wall above the fireplace.
Mr. TiFW is like a kid on Christmas morning today….
TiFW, I can totally picture him sitting on the sofa slack jawed, ogling that TV
[…] The blog of the day is The H2, with a little phone blogging. […]
http://tinyurl.com/omj9u5d
They showed previews for this upcoming TV series at the movie last night; looks like it could be cute, just don’t know how it will fare as a series vs. a stand-alone special:
http://abc.go.com/shows/galavant
TiFW, I can totally picture him sitting on the sofa slack jawed, ogling that TV
Yeah, about that….
We could only swing the cost of a big-ass TV right now, so we’re going to have to move our old sofa set from the back room to the parlor.
Meanwhile, I’ve got my eye on a power reclining sofa setup – it’s way too big in scale for the room, but it’s just what Mr. TiFW wants.
As much as he does for me, I figure I can just bite my tongue and let him enjoy his toys. It’s not like we’re going to be featured in a magazine anytime soon (well, OK, never).
MJ is making Mr. Chumpo’s concoction for DOTW.
Good drink, MJ
Good show, Wiser
Drive by
http://tinyurl.com/getting-a-leg-up
LOL
Mooch as a youngster.
Okay, I’ve recovered from the sight of everything that was under the couch when we moved it….
I think Teresa should have this living room:
http://tinyurl.com/lrdqjoo
http://media.giphy.com/media/ggZFGSBmQyHrq/giphy.gif
We have a Lane’s Big Man Chair. It is huge. Dominates the room. It didn’t seem that big in the showroom. Only recliner we have now. I H8 it.
tinyurl.com/o2ofcfu
Whoa.
Jack Bruce.. dead at 71..
http://tinyurl.com/qbkhqrr
http://youtu.be/pkae0-TgrRU
Who is Jack Bruce?
Your mom would remember.
So glad I’m too young to remember Cream. Haven’t a clue. Never heard of them.
New PF album comes out next month.
I introduced your mom to Cream.
Cream Disraeli Gears is a classic album
Hola, fuckers.
Good call, Jim; listening to it now. And I see some CCR on the side that will be up next in the queue.
Hola, birthday boy!
Hi Xbrad. Happy birthday!
Youtube sidebar is dangerous. Mcpo catches me up with endless music links all the time.
Congrats on not dying for another year, b-rad.
Cream was a little weird:
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=1364
S.W.L.A.B.R. means “She was like a bearded rainbow”
Freaky Deeky
Happy Birthday XBrad!
SWLABR Oso’d/
Hotspur has turned into a ‘your mom, _____ (noun)’ generator.
He’s either obsessed with Madlibs or a spambot.
If you have access to Blue Bell Spiced Pumpkin Pecan: GET IT!!!! OMG worth the 4 hours of HBG sleep. Totes worth it.
I could’ve sworn it was “She Walks Like A Bearded Rainbow.” I always get a single phrase from a line in that song stuck in my head: “…but the picture has a mustache.”
You can’t hide your lion eyes.
Revved up like a deuce
Walks, Was, I just checked again and saw both. Still effed up.
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/c/cream/swlabr_20034171.html
This is probably always gonna be my favorite Cream song.
http://youtu.be/S0vHqWGt4NE
’Scuse me, while I kiss this guy
Happy B’Day, Art!
Wow. I just completely ruined about 10 lbs of chicken.
I think the meat thermometer got switched to centigrade.
There’s an outdoor concert close to my house. The band is playing a cover of G n’R.
I think I’m officially old.
Wow. I just completely ruined about 10 lbs of chicken.
Have you performed an act of contrition yet?
Because you should.
There’s a bathroom on the right.
I heard “Beat It” on the oldies station the other day.
*draws bead on youthful thugs nearing lawn*
Kill me nao!!! The same people that were all “Beatles” “Cream” whatev in the 70s are still reliving the 60s. Eric Clapton. Blah blah. Wings. Paul McCartney. I took a History of Rock N Roll class in 1975. I’m FB friends with my teacher. She ruined music for me for a very long time.
They play Talking Heads at the grocery store.
Leon, Nirvana on the oldies station was like “OK” for me. Foo Fighters? There may be scars.
Happy Birthday, XBradley.
I mentioned to scott the other day that I knew I was getting old when I heard “Cruel Summer” on the oldies station.
show available here.
http://tinyurl.com/m6r5lx9
Poat to follow tomorrow.
Just bought my 4th major appliance in 2 years. My life is awesome..
hb, xb
I used to think I was someone special because i had the keys to Ace’s.
Now I see that Bcoch also has the keys.
Suddenly, the bloom is off the rose…..
I have the keys to your mom.
Happy birthday, xbrad. I’m glad you got to meet me.
FFS, is Bcoch’s post up already?
Wiser,
BCoch e-mailed it to CBD, who posted it…
BCoch just lost his HQ virginity.
He’s a Braves fan. Factor that.
ChrisP, you are getting lots of love on FB.
>>>>Wiser,
BCoch e-mailed it to CBD, who posted it…
*whew
Ok, I feel much better now.
>>>>I have the keys to your mom.
Dad?
I just had another small world situation on FB. Guy commented on a Moron post. He attended college with her. All of our shared links were from TAS, except for the one Moron.
Oso,
I’ve not signed onto FaceChimp for two years…
Classic movie night at Casa de Wiser.
Tonight’s film: Gaslight, from 1944
Ingrid Bergman…. Hotness.
Facebook is a scam.
/scottw
Speaking of “FB Small World Situations”, the other day I shared/reposted something from Nick Searcy.
One of my friends from HS was all “OMG! I didn’t know you knew who Nick Searcy is!” Turns out he lives about 5 houses down from her; her son and his daughter have been friends since they were little.
I was all “OMG! You KNOW Nick Searcy?!?!?!?”
ChrisP, I know. You have your Birthday posts AND the super secret Acebook page.
I watched the movie Hitchcock on demand. It was meh.
TIFW, I still badger Chad.
Woot. XMom wrote me a nice check for my b’day, which will finance my drunken trip to San Diego!
I watched The Battle of Britain the other day. It’s held up remarkably well.
Hey, when are you going to Sandyeggo?
Todd Blackledge calling the OSU Penn State game.
Over/under on “we” when talking about PSU at 10.
DAN: AYFKM? Since when has OSU/PSU been relevant? ME: STFU baseball.
1944 Angela Lansbury.
Ouch.
Was she ever considered attractive?
HAaahhahahahhhhaaaaa!
CHEATERS!
Was she ever considered attractive?
http://tinyurl.com/p2c95fk
I’d hit it.
>>>>I’d hit it.
She looks decent in the right light. But you can’t depend on that light always being there.
That’s why God invented the darkness. And it was good.
Oso, Nov 7, 8, 9
I don’t think I’m ever going to get Mr. TiFW out of his new TV room again…..
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
I was checking out new TVs the other day.
Our current TV is going to stop working in early January.
I can just feel it.
Scott,
We still have a Panasonic 27″ CRT analog tv, with a converter-box to watch antenna-tv.
So much of what is on now is shit, we pretty much watch the local 9-o’clock “news & weather”, then go to bed.
We cancelled DirectTV, and don’t have cable out here.
Our internet is flaky DSL, so streaming is pretty-much out.
That kinda limits the appeal of the HI-Def 1080P “smart” TVs…
Oso,
Why you H8tin’ on BCoch on the baseball thread?
TL;DR Braves are gay. So is BCoch/
Who cares about AOS? I have keys here.
For now.
longbows
Did anybody read anything aloud from that one creepy, old book full of weird Latin stuff that anybody else told them never to even touch today?
Sean,
Not me, but I will, later…
ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Great…. ancient evils flying around here now.
//gets a REALLY big can of Raid.
Brent,
Congrats on a first post at Aces with over 500 comments!
You did well, young man.
Don’t fuck this up…
Everyone is being civil over there. We aren’t talking about something we agree on, like GOP politics. Hahah!
Everyone hates baseball.
Yes
you and cyn hate baseball. That isn’t everybody.
Yes it is.
I agree.
I disagree.
OK, not everybody. You can have Steve Perry.
Can we trade Steve Perry for a player to be named later?
Cyn likes baseball players.
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/GB7bzR7
Bcoch posting on AoS
That is like crossing the streams
and who is Bufflone? While he did an excellent BBF where did he come from? Things are crazy here!
In dog news, Nelson was adopted by a wonderful family, and I now have a dog called Lucky. When I say I got Lucky I did not. Damn!
However Lucky is mostly yellow lab, that is colored exactly like a golden,
yet he has the hair and tail of a Lab
Hi Buff, no offense intended, and great poat.
Did you do the bullwhips question? How did I miss this?
Can we trade Steve Perry for a player to be named later?
This. +1000.
Don’t Stop Believing.
Kung Fu Panda is giving his Barry White imitation to Erin Andrews.
heh jay
Wakey wakey
I think Car in overslept work.
and Hi Vmax!
No,it was just such a long freakin day it seems like it could be morning already.
you don’t have to wear a costume at work, do ya?
It’s called a uniform, thank you very much.
Oh I’m sorry. For a minute there, I thought you were a waitress!
*bangs coffee cup
If you don’t respect C arin, J’Ames, at least respect the uniform.
What’s the soup of the day?
We learn dances brand new dances
Like the nuclear derp
When we’re nightclubbing
Bright white clubbing
Oh isn’t it wild…
Dump run, Home Depot or Lowe’s for some concrete blocks and football. Coffee first.
I should brew some coffee.
If you wait long enough I’m sure Car in will bring you a big cup of fresh brewed coffee. My coffee was excellent.
She doesn’t drive this far south.
Grmrng.
That’s a shame. If you hop in the truck and come over I’ll brew a pot. Bring your pup for playtime with our canine pissing machine.
Morning MJ. How are you this fine day?
I’m ready to tie our older teen on an anthill.
I’m pretty good, but kind of sore.
How are you?
Are you excited? Because I’m excited.
Good! Finally ready to get some shit done.
WOO HOO!
My Kindle HD died on me on the trip home from TITS. Never worked again. Even took it to Transform and they couldn’t fix it.
Finally found time to contact Amazon. After dealing with a slightly confused support rep (“ok, let’s try this. Turn it on and…” “Yeah, ya see, that’s the problem…”) they agreed to send me a new one.
Just arrived this morning (Sunday delivery FTW!). And theyreplaced my HD with an HDX! Better in every way.
Sweet!
Football!!!
Router is dead.
I need a replacement. Suggestions/
I hear good things about Ryobi.
This thing worked for 3-4 years and was only $45.
Stupid power outage.
Some suggestions that were given to MCPO recently when he asked:
Me: “Netgear N900”
Jay: “I like my Asus router. Fast connection, and I haven’t had issues. I also had good luck with DLink. I melted a Linksys (Cisco) router, but I know they are good, because we use them at work.”
You: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2398080,00.asp
You’re going to like the newer tech, Scott.
Scott, I have a practically brand new one that I’m not using that you can have for free.
Netgear N600
I guess Thomas Jefferson was right. Offering someone a free router WILL kill a blog.
Falcons are beating the Loins in London, 21-10.
Loins of London must be nervous.
Time to move concrete blocks. A bargain at $1.38 apiece.
Fire safety is no joke.
I am back!
Thanks for the offer, Wiser.
Thanks for the offer, Wiser.
No problem. It’s yours if you want it.
I come here on a Sunday afternoon and find wiser being nice to Scott.
I want a do over
Loins!
Yay
I come here on a Sunday afternoon and find wiser being nice to Scott.
shhhhhh……. I’m trying to get him to pay me back with some sort of smoked meat product.
OH! ok cool I love your subterfuge
I gotta admit, I’m lovin’ Mr. TiFW’s sweet TV set-up in the new room; watched a movie in there last night, and it was fantastic. Now I just have to figure out how to keep that room clutter-free (we’re messy people….)
Of course, now that everything has been cleared out of the old dining room (which had been repurposed as Rebecca’s playroom), it is painfully obvious what Mr. TiFW’s next project is going to be….
Fortunately, the heavy lifting was done in that room back in 2000 – all that needs to be done this time is cosmetic: painting, maybe installing ceiling tiles and crown molding, and putting in a ceiling fan that matches the one in the new room.
I was dying at the end of that game.
Speaking of football, get out your hankies….(read the whole thing)
Patriots are kicking ass.
38 points in the first half.
I think it’s ok to say the story I just posted at ace’s is about the granddad of Mr. Chumpo’s wife, who passed recently.
His story is pretty amazing.
Thanks for sharing it with me Chumpers.
Thanks for sharing, Chumpo. RIP Mrs Chumpo’s grandfather.
This was kinda funny. http://tinyurl.com/pxmhbfw
Well, I spent 90 minutes in the company of my mother and didn’t have to strangle her.
Scott, your link crashed my iPad. Probably data overload on the wifi. I saw the headline before it crapped out. Yeah, that was funny. Never like to see a player hurt but he earned stoopid points for sacking the back up QB in a blow out loss.
Scott, Bear fans are imploding!
Link was to yahoo sports.
Yeah, I went there as a separate search and saw the article. When I clicked on their page it crashed again on me. I think it’s unique to my iPad and wifi
Chumpo married a hamburger? Nice!
That was a great story, Dave. Thanks for posting, and thanks for sharing it, Mr. Chumpo.
I saved the handwritten account to read later on a bigger screen. I read the first page spellbound.
New poat for people who wouldn’t be caught dead in this poat.
https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2014/10/26/sorry-about-your-epilepsy/