Hate to break it to ya

 

361 Comments

  1. WTF

  2. Hi.

  3. Yes.

  4. Oso.
    Saw your comment from last night. Have left mirage and am now in Pullman Washington. It’s already fall up here. Left money at mirage and will go back and retrieve it on Sunday on way home. Pray for Baylor. Oklahoma. Michigan state. Wisconsin. And Kansas state. Packers put me $50 up.

  5. Imma just leave this here.
    It was in /funny; should have been in /WTF.

    http://i.imgur.com/65BTSjf.jpg

  6. PG’s buying the next round.

  7. When I left it was Summer. I returned to Autumn in full force, 45F right now.

  8. It’s entirely too early for Christmas decorations.

  9. >>>It was in /funny; should have been in /WTF.

    If that’s a giant colon, do the chairs just outside it represent dingleberries?

  10. Plan for the day: clear out a bunch of my closet and drawers of clothes I haven’t worn in a long time, then go to the Wing Ball.

  11. No ahref magic spell dammit

  12. Ha! On the dingleberries comment and teh embedding.

    *up twinkles Jimbro with double-gloved hands*

  13. Breakfast and some of the chores got swapped when Mr. RFH let me know that company would be here at 9 AM. Yay!

  14. I’m putting off working on files to craft a representation letter to be used in Medicare communications.

    Yes, I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express.

  15. Scott linked the cover of this song the other day which was pretty funny. The story is here along with the original video which isn’t bad.

    http://rbth.com/blogs/2014/08/19/urals_village_parody_of_kiezas_hideaway_video_blows_up_youtube_39117.html

  16. I might be looking for a new Obamajob.
    They gave me a two percent raise so I gave them my two week notice.

  17. What did you have in mind for an acceptable offer Scott?

  18. I told them 20%.

    Store manager claimed he couldn’t he approve that.

    I told him to ask someone who could.

    I think I’ll get it. Girl from HR winked at me as I walked out of the room.

  19. You should go into the packing and moving business. You seem to enjoy that in your leisure time.

  20. MJ has a very good idea, Scoot.

  21. A million hits? I think it was under 50,000 when I first saw it.

  22. “Packing” and “Moving” “Business”

  23. I hope you get your raise for real, Scott.

  24. I bet you’ve moved a lot of product off their shelves compared to the average orange apron wearer.

  25. I still like when he freaked out the customer by carrying exactly the part they were looking for.

  26. Now ~that~ is hard core customer service.

  27. PG, hoist a beer at The Coug for me, willya?

  28. It’s quiet. Too quiet.

  29. I’m baking stuffed peppers and sorting clothes, tough to comment.

    The peppers have peppers in them. It’s like Inception without the fascist actors.

  30. Some pepper spray on them would be a nice touch.

  31. Radio time!

  32. Tom!!!! Squeeeeeeee!!!

  33. Tom’s Done!!!! Squeeeeeeeeee!!!

  34. Hahahahaha, Cyn. I’m still laughing about the creamy, dreamy bit.

  35. “Creamy”

    {{shudders}}

    Oh, Tom.

  36. TMI3 did a nice job; a bit more on the entero-68 would have been nice. Stupid time constraints.

  37. Xbrad,

    My wife and I are going to be in the coaches wive’s box. (You’re whore mouths need to remain quiet). I’m old alcohol is served. If so, I will partake.

  38. Old = told.

  39. Told = old fart

  40. And be sure to buy some Cougar Gold cheese.

  41. Speaking of old, this just came across Mr. TiFW’s playlist. Some of us old farts can remember when this song first came out:

  42. “Cougar Gold”

  43. I have a beautiful 13 year old Brazilian Pepper tree just outside the west window of my office. It provides much needed shade to the window.

    And for 13 years by careful intentional trimming, it had also been providing a neat canopy over a portion of the sidewalk that leads to our front door.

    Had.

    *sighs*

  44. Here’s a better quality version of that song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2_6fV0zeMg

  45. Teenage driver, Cyn?

  46. I wish; would have been easier to stomach.

  47. Oh well. Just a tree branch.
    Let’s have a kitten.

    http://i.imgur.com/MWUSIA8.jpg

  48. I have to admit to some nostalgia for GP&TUG – Mr. TiFW had one of their albums when we first started dating, and we would listen to it over and over many an evening – lots of really good songs on that record that still stand the test of time.

    Last year, I managed to locate a CD of that same album (I HAD to find one that had “Home” on it; that was one of our favorites), and gave it to him as one of his Christmas presents.

  49. That guy can talk.

  50. Long talker.

  51. I’ll drink to that

  52. Yum!

  53. Chad scale!

  54. Chad scale!

  55. Chad Reference! Ha Ha Ha! *drinks*

  56. OMG dying laughing.

  57. I need to write a couple of LinkedIn recommendations.

    Where should I be on the Chad scale when I write them?

  58. heh

  59. 0.4

  60. I think if I’m above 0.2 I’ll need significant proofreading, but I trust your judgment.

  61. Proofing is for sissies.

  62. That guy can talk.

    No shit, huh?

  63. I rolled out of bed just in time for the Chad Scale reference. Timing!

  64. Why was TH there? Did he finally stop referring to the company who doesn’t advertise?

  65. What the hell happened to college football?

    Right now:
    Fox – Hispanic College Quiz Show
    NBC- English Premier Soccer
    CBS- Advancing Medicine: Breakthroughs in Urology

    This used to be America.

  66. Well, shit, I missed the 2nd hour. Can’t wait to hear about the Chad scale.

  67. I think we should get a Chad Scale Rating with every DotW. For science.

  68. I was gonna kill TH today. “I want to ask what kind of generator I should buy.” “Can we get my friend from LimeRock to talk about his riding in the really fast race car?”

    Tom… STFU.. seriously.

  69. he already took over way too much of the show today than I wanted.

    Give that idiot a mic and he just doesn’t know when to shut up.

  70. I think I now miss hearing about the races at LimeRock

    /

  71. Mr. TiFW taped today’s A&M game – right now, the teams are tied at 7-7 on the recording.

    I just don’t have the heart to tell him that our Aggies are getting absolutely STOMPED by Miss. State in the 3rd quarter 41-17…..

  72. >> he already took over way too much of the show today than I wanted.

    Show him the pebble you have snatched from his hand grasshoppah

  73. he already took over way too much of the show today

    Agreed.

  74. and yes, apparently MS came to play

  75. http://tinyurl.com/ntohmkj

  76. Best version evah.

  77. he already took over way too much of the show today than I wanted.

    It’s. What. He. Does.

    He’s the fucking scorpion.

  78. Someone at the station told me that, after hearing Tom fill in for me a couple of weeks back, asked when I was coming back, because they liked my show so much better.

  79. “….was asked…”

    By a listener

  80. Fuckin ags are getting curbstomped.

  81. You want me to sneak an Ebola-infested blanket out of the hospital here for ya, Wiser?

    You can give it to TH as a present.

  82. Niiiiice compliment, wiser – you ARE somebody now.

  83. First: I’m talking to a lawyer about a rider contract.

    Second: The rider only has two demands. 1. A bowl of blue M&Ms before each show. 2. Tom Hill has to punch hisself in the junk before each show.

  84. You should tell people at the wedding that you just got back from Liberia, then cough.

  85. How the hell am I going to get you blue M&Ms?

  86. Eh. As long as you can get TH to punch his self in the junk we’re all good.

    In person, I get to punch him in the junk.

  87. The green M&Ms are better.

  88. Finally! An episode of “Renovation Realities” that made Mr. TiFW hate it as much as I do.

    Some completely clueless member of Obama’s tribe who supposedly “wrote a grant proposal” to get funding to pay for a renovation in her house was too dumb for words.

    And the bimbo who was “helping” her was a real bitch who was no help whatsoever.

    It was a train wreck with no survivors.

    And both of those people vote.

  89. The green M&Ms are better.

    **fistbumps Cyn**

  90. *fistbumps everyone*

    Yee-Haw!

  91. you hostagettes are getting cray cray after TITS.

    What did you guys feed them?

  92. The elixir of fun, good-fellowship, love, laughter and Chad.

    Let’s plan the next one!

  93. The Aggies have a trillion dollar new stadium and a $4 team

  94. What did you guys feed them?

    Green M&Ms

  95. Hey, SOMEBODY has to come in last place in the SEC, amiright?

    We were always at the bottom of the heap when Mr. TiFW and I were students, so this feels like old times…..

  96. TITS was the best birthday present ever,

  97. MOAR TITS!
    MOAR TITS!
    MOAR TITS!

  98. Ya know, a meatup in Cali in January might make for some nice weather… or even Vegas. Cheap flights either way.

  99. Nashville?

  100. Nice weather and cheap flights sounds great. Tempting Hostages from their snow-bound January doldrums for the win!

  101. Branson got tossed out recently too.

    Center(ish) of the country makes a lot of sense.

  102. Will anyone have money left over after Christmas and/or paying real estate taxes?

  103. Stumbling down Music Row !

  104. A meetup in Iowa in January would be cheap, too. Not very crowded either.

  105. I would offer to host something here in Fort Worth, but I don’t know when I’m going to be having colon surgery (or how long it’s going to take to recuperate).

    I’m hoping we’ll be able to schedule it before the end of the year, ‘cuz I don’t want to have to meet my deductible all over again….

  106. I thought we’d already agreed to go to Iowa for the 2016 caucuses –

  107. Iowa in January? hmmm, think we will be able to find enough hotel rooms what with all the jet-setters flocking there at that time?

    Will anyone have money left over after Christmas and/or paying real estate taxes? Shush up, Gloomy McGloomerson. ;)

  108. Okayokayokay… January bad, money thing and recuperating thing.

    March. Cheap. Warm. Accessible.

    GO!

  109. Wow. Alabama really got a gift from the refs not calling that blatant facemask.

  110. Oh, we can have one in January, I just meant that I would not be able to volunteer to host one in Fort Worth at that time; no reason we couldn’t plan one somewhere else!

    I would like to host one, though, at some point.

  111. Florida?

  112. Actually, the weather in AZ in March is about near perfect.

    Trying to think more centrally… what Tejas like then?

  113. Tide is turning on Alabama.

  114. Cheaters.

  115. Not their fault the ref didn’t call that.

  116. *drinking lemonade out of TITS glass*

  117. Who’s winning in the DeVry – ITT game?

  118. Refs have ruined this game.

  119. North Texas is hit and miss in March; South Texas might be better temperature-wise, but it’s not really “central”.

  120. Ole Miss is looking good. Fumble recovery was payback for the missed facemask.

  121. Still owed one for the missed fumble.

  122. and the BS delay of game.

  123. Looks like they got one of them back

  124. I read today that the bets were 2/1 in favor of Alabama.

    Alabama was favored by 6, Vegas wins.

  125. Who teh hell misses a PAT? Get ready for “That missed extra point is looming large” commentary.

  126. Obama kicks for Ole Miss.

  127. Game over

  128. Yep…good game.

  129. Ole Miss sure earned that.

  130. Pimped out Nelson to 2 nice couples today. Got to visit the Heights, and some swanky $3000 a month apartment inside the south loop.

    I kind of thought I would have Nelson till November before I started pimpin him out.

    Drinking early and often, my goal is .9 chads

  131. Hey TiFW, I’m not sure if you’re a South Park fan, but you should check out the season premier episode from this week.

  132. Why?

    (It’s been years since we’ve watched SP – Mr. Hanky sort of grossed us out too much…)

  133. It’s about gluten and its negative effects on the human body.

  134. Fall allergy season can kiss my pasty, white ass!

  135. This guy picked just about every upset.

    http://tinyurl.com/lp3utjr

  136. some swanky $3000 a month apartment inside the south loop.

    = a nice apartment in southern California, but in no way swanky. :/

  137. Hmm, do I have to use wine in sausage?

  138. I googled an address near Hollywood to see if it was commercial or residential. I found out that it was a one bedroom condo that recently sold for $550,000.

  139. You have to use meat.

  140. Sounds about right, Scott.

  141. You have to use meat.

    Like, not necessarily, maaaaaaaan.

  142. That’s a crime against humanity.

  143. Ha ha ha! About that header pic.
    I know exactly what that is about.

    Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh(National Volunteer Organization, RSS) is an organization that originated in my hometown. It is an extremely influential organization that is the intellectual force behind the right leaning political party that is currently in power in India. It’s chief spokesman happens to be a childhood friend of mine.

    Meaning of other nonsense words in there:

    Mohan Madhukar Bhagwat: the name of the gentleman who heads the RSS.

    Sarsanghachalak: the chief leader of the RSS.

    Doordarshan: India’s govt owned TV station. Door means distant. darshan means display. Doordarshan literally means television.

    Vijaya Dashmi(also called Dussehra) is a Hindu festival. This day originated as the day on which warriors pay respect to their weapons.
    This has evolved into a day when you pay respect to the tools of your trade. A workman e.g. will pay respect to his tools. I pay respect to my computer. Yeah, we are weird people.

  144. It’s chief spokesman happens to be a childhood friend of mine.

    Its.

    /Banglarspur

  145. I should really learn to switch off the ‘Hostage Mode’ when in real world.

    We had an appointment with a neuro specialist who was mapping the neural activity pattern in my kid’s brain.
    After he was done, he says: teach the kids to breath through nose. Breathing through the mouth hinders with normal neural functioning.

    I asked him: is that why stupid people are called mouth breathers?

    He was taken aback for a moment and then burst out laughing.

  146. Go Arizona State!

  147. Hahahahahaha, Tush!

  148. You should ask him if licking windows also hinders normal neural functioning, Tush.

  149. licking windows also hinders normal neural functioning

    wait, what?

  150. Who’s gonna watch the Cardinals game with me?

  151. OK – just checked on some stuff in the DFW area, turns out that Grapevine will be having their annual GrapeFest the weekend of September 17-20, 2015. Here’s the line-up from this year’s fun:

    http://www.grapevinetexasusa.com/grapefest-2014/

    They don’t have any rates published yet for the weekend, but I may be able to swing something for us at the Hilton DFW Lakes Resort or one of the other hotels in the area.

    Would anyone be interested in attending something like that?

  152. http://tinyurl.com/pz523w5

  153. ~Hi guys!~

  154. J’ames, Nats Gints in xtra innings. Free baseball!!! H8 both teams.

  155. I’m tired of hearing how great Bryce Harper is.

  156. TiFW,

    I find that interesting. Might be a good opportunity to bring the Mrs to Texas and attempt to convince her to not ever go back.

  157. I have never heard of him or her.

  158. Trying 3 batches of sausage, and smoking a pork butt tomorrow. Oh, and a bunch of chicken breasts.

    Who’s hungry?

  159. I prefer Mike Trout. My brother said that Bryce was a talented kid, but a prick. His Dad is an even bigger prick. This is according to a lawyer. YMMV. Nephew played with and against Bryce.

  160. Or we might be able to snag rooms now at the Comfort Inn near Main Street.

    Not as many amenities, but easy access to lots of stuff, and free shuttle to/from the airport…..

  161. Heh. Matt Wms was tossed. Never liked him.

  162. The last butt I did was the best ever. I headed off the stall and crutched it at 145.

    That could have made it the best, or it could have been Laura’s rub, or maybe it was from a magic pig.

  163. That’s the plan tomorrow. The crutch is the best thing ever.

  164. Those look like good places, TiFW.

    Laura had a great piece of advice on the meatups: we just want to be together.

    Whatever it is you plan for us will be great so long as we can hang and talk (and talk and talk and talk).

  165. Wiser, did you ever get any calls on Joe?

  166. I don’t like to talk.

  167. That’s me too, Jay.

  168. Joe is still talking.

  169. Second Half – Go Devils!

  170. I don’t know if you know what he used to look like

    http://tinyurl.com/mmrzfsm

  171. Drugs may have been involved.

  172. Wiser, did you ever get any calls on Joe?

    We got a few while he was on, but I never got a chance to go to them.

    One of them was the guy who always calls about the power grid. Ummmm, dude? Solar flares are not weather….

    Hence, the “crazy” music theme of the day

  173. Hi Oso!

    I’m hungry J’ames, be right there. I have an unopened bottle of Patron Silver and an unopened bottle of The Balvenie Doublewood. We can use the latter to lure Tushar there, too.

  174. Joe is still talking.

    no shit, huh?

    “um… *cough… um… but… and… umm…. heh…. but… okay, you just keep talking… I’ll be here when you’re done…”

  175. Lippy!!!

  176. He’s a good twitter follow.

  177. Did anybody figure out precisely where to walk in order to avoid being picked up on anybody else’s security cameras today?

  178. Sean, I’m curious — what made you think of that one today?

  179. Today was stressful, and I didn’t like it.

    I thought I quit that crap.

    I probably need medical marijuana.

  180. mmm, I like Patron. My favorite is the Anejo.

    Avion Anejo is the best.

  181. * avoids Lippy’s security cameras *

  182. I have the Silver for mixing Margaritas. Haven’t sipped tequila in years…hmmm, I’ll have to try that next time I’m in a bar.

    What stressed you, Scott?

  183. *notices Scott is avoiding the cameras*

    *puts him on the “extra double-secret surveillance” list*

  184. I don’t sip it either. It goes down one shot at a time.

  185. Sean, I’m curious — what made you think of that one today?

    Multiple choice!

    A) Looking at the monitor showing the security camera feeds here at work.

    2) Participating in a daring jewel heist with a crew of sexy, wisecracking thieves.

    π) Your mom.

  186. Quitting Obamajob and playing chicken with management.

  187. Jay, you don’t have to talk – we’ll take you to the Bass Pro Shop (yeah, it’s RIGHT there) and drop you in the big tank.

  188. Scott, sounds like HD uses the Target performance review % BS. Not about you. NO ONE ever gets the 9%Max that is “Possible”. We would have to configure and re-configure reviews until the #s reflected what HQ determined our payout would be.

  189. Oh, and Target changed to one review date for all employees when I was still there. No more anniversary date reviews. If you got a 1% increase, it was pro-rated to hire date.

  190. Mr. TiFW is putting the 2nd coat of varnish on the floor in the front room –

    Can’t really get a buzz from those fumes; just have to run a box fan, open up a few windows, and let everything air out overnight….

  191. I met 2 chicks on Craigslist. What could go wrong? I have a date tomorrow and Monday.

  192. I met 2 chicks on Craigslist. What could go wrong? I have a date am getting robbed tomorrow and Monday.

    fixt

  193. Very public meeting places, Vmax.

  194. And ask ’em if they’re cops.

  195. Lots of security cameras. Full circle!

  196. In broad daylight.

    And meet them on site.

  197. They have penii.

  198. Brightly lit. Lots of space. Good sight lines for the sharpshooters.

    You’ll be fine.

  199. Don’t go home with them (or vice versa).

  200. Park your car under lights, lock your doors, check to make sure nobody is hiding around your car when you leave.

    #ISoundLikeMyMother

  201. Wear a crucifix. Fill your pockets with garlic. Dab some Holy Water on your neck.

  202. Have someone call you 15 minutes into the meeting time–
    The “Emergency Gotta Leave Sorry” phone call in case she’s a dog IRL, or not a dog lover.

  203. Plenty of extra mags. Claymores around the perimeter. Don’t wait until it’s too late to call in an airstrike.

  204. Vman, which Hostage is your wingman for the emergency text?

  205. Show up in a tutu and a feather boa – she should like you for what’s inside.

  206. WOOOOOOO DEVILS!!!

  207. Tell them that your internet friends have to approve any 2nd dates.

  208. Speaking of danger–wait till Red finds out!

  209. Wear a Go-Pro helmet and live stream this.

  210. Should have met them on backpage. At least then you’d know they were hookers up front.

  211. 16 Innings.

  212. WOOOOOOO DEVILS!!!

    Yeah, about that…

  213. Fugging SC.

  214. Plenty of time. Plenty.

    *whimpers*

  215. Ho Lee Fuk!!!

  216. Looks like you’re right.

  217. That was amazing!

  218. *crosses everything for luck*

  219. O M G!!!

  220. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

  221. W O W

  222. LOLOLOLOL

  223. Dan told me to send a “Put a fork in Sparky” text to my CiL. I was reading comments here and we went back to the game. LOL Glad I hadn’t hit send.

  224. Finally breathing again. That was really something.

  225. I’ll have what they’re having.

  226. It was OK if you like ASU. Meh.

  227. You just zip it, you!

  228. Jeebers. Went to go help a customer and missed that.

    Congrats, Cyn!

  229. Hahaha CiL just called and asked Dan if he wanted to go to the ND game. I don’t have any paid time off left! AUGH!!!!

  230. Cyn, Dan said to tell you that U of A beating Oregon was a bigger game.

  231. The ASU QB mentioned Tempe. I’ve been there!

  232. 17th Inning.

  233. Well! You can just tell Dan that I said he can go take a f…..

    Crap; he’s right. It really was.

  234. The ASU QB mentioned Tempe. I’ve been there!

    Me too, but I had to fly there.

  235. I didn’t even have to drive to get to Tempe.

  236. Bastard.

  237. (Fucking secretarial duties) Cyn, Dan said that you guys get your starter QB back against Stanford, and that may get a little exciting after the backups win at USC.

  238. “I can see Tempe from my house!”

  239. I can’t watch the Cardinals game. I don’t get the MLB network.

  240. oso, take a memo…

  241. Tell Dan that I said that we’d have loved to have Kelly back even today, but it just wasn’t in the cards, but we are otherwise simpatico.

  242. Guys at work invited me to watch football with them. LOL

  243. Also, please let Dan know that my drink needs refreshing.

  244. J’ames…Costas.

  245. Finally, a run scored!

  246. LOL Dan: So does Dan’s.

  247. So does mine. Who’s gonna take care of that? *rattles ice

  248. Is Captain Morgan paleo?

  249. I vote yes, totally paleo.

  250. Who wears a Vin Scully tee? (Loser in crowd)

  251. My phone is charging. Dan usually texts me a pic of his empty glass. He piggybacked on Cyn’s comment.

  252. I think we should all just show up on Phat’s doorstep one day. Without warning him.

  253. Is Captain Morgan paleo?

    No. He’s a pirate.

  254. phat would enjoy that. another idea, show up at mare’s.

  255. FACK!!!! Natitude can KMA

  256. Dan usually texts me a pic of his empty glass.

    Modern-day Nick and Nora.

  257. Gingy is Asta and MA is Nicky Jr. LOL

  258. I guess you guys are the reprobates that help us solve crimes.

  259. You guys rock

  260. We’d have to make sure Phat was home. Or not.

  261. He’s got a pool table, and a bar. Why does he have to be home?

  262. I H8 Giants fans more than the stupid Giants and their huge headed French-Canadian coach.

  263. Yeah, but do you hate them worse than Cardinal fans?

  264. sloe gin

  265. J’ames, I actually love Cardinal fans. Most knowledgeable fans in baseball. Bunch of poodle-permed old ladies keeping score and talking A ball.

  266. Team I H8.

  267. >>He’s got a pool table, and a bar. Why does he have to be home?

    Excellent point, my good man. I’m in! Who wants to drive with me?

    No, not you Sean.

    Or you, Xbrad.

  268. I don’t drive. If you drove to PHX and picked up Cyn, would it be Tina, Tina, and Louise? Or Tina, and Louise, and Louise?

  269. WTF? ROADTRIP!!!!!

  270. ROADTRIP!!! In a gas-guzzling SUV!

    Room in the back for your dogs, too, right next to the liquor.

  271. Primping, pedicures and pillow fights in the motels along the way. The three of us will be dazzling when we arrive!

  272. Get your kicks…on Rte 66. LOL

  273. HOSTAGES COMMUNITY THEATER PRESENTS: “Don’t Be Fucking Stupid”

    [phone rings]

    Me: “Hello?”

    Joe (not his real name): “Hey, Sean, I need some words of wisdom.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll see what I can do.”

    Joe: “This guy I looked up to relapsed, and now he wants me to go with him to Vegas. What should I do?

    Me: “Here are your words of wisdom–No. Hell no. You’re still newly sober. Don’t be fucking stupid. Tell him you’re not going.”

    Joe: “Yeah, I know. But I thought I don’t have to drink or anything. I’ll just hang out by the pool, fuck some chicks…”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s a terrible idea. You know you can’t do this.”

    Joe: “I know. I just needed to hear it. I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “Good. Looking forward to it.”

    [Joe hangs up]

    Me: [directly to audience] “Sad thing is, it’s only 50-50 that he makes it to the meeting tomorrow. I hope he listened.”

    FIN

  274. Newly sober going to Vegas is a bad thing. Prayers.

  275. Oh my, Sean. I wonder if Vegas Dude wants to tempt the other guy into relapsing as well in order to make himself feel less bad/guilty.

  276. Prayers for your friend, Sean. You’re a good man.

  277. From the Director’s Cut:

    Me: “Dude, misery loves company, and he just wants someone to drag down so he doesn’t feel bad about doing this shit by himself.”

    Joe: “Someone else just told me that exact same thing.”

    Me: “That’s because it’s true.”

  278. Itinerary from L.A.: Phoenix, Albuquerque, stop off in Vegas to slap some sense into someone, Phat ‘s bar.

  279. Sometimes, people like Joe and me just have to say the stupid thing we’re thinking of doing out loud to someone else, just to get it out of our heads. I’m actually really glad he did that. He has a better chance of doing the right thing.

  280. That’s great, Sean.

  281. fake double today.

  282. should I have a glass of wine? Or is it too late?

  283. Car in, rest up, we’ll swing by to pick you up. We need your muscle for a mission in Las Vegas.

  284. glass and a half. Kinda like your fake double.

  285. Mebbe I should fly to PHX so there is less backtracking

  286. Won’t your arms get tired?

  287. It’s never too late. It’s medicinal, so that you can have a better night’s sleep.

    Do it for your children.

  288. Rimshot!

  289. Singing “Moving right along” from the original Muppet Movie.

  290. *texts J’ames a picture of my empty wine glass.

    CHOP CHOP

  291. You wouldn’t like my brand of wine.

    *fills glass with tequila

  292. We’re sampling the wines of Aldi this week. They are pretty darn good.

  293. I like Moscatos.

  294. Moscatos are too sweet. you know, I didn’t pour a single moscato tonight? That’s gotta be a record. We were crazy busy.

  295. Shit tonne of Pinot Noir. Weird. Probably the weather.

  296. Moscatos spread Malaria.

  297. The drink of the day was Captain and coke (a few varieties – sometimes diet, and one time Cherry – gross!), and the beer was bud light.

    Worst drink of the day? Peach schnapps and sprite. Bitch had 3 of em. I told the server at number three I wasn’t going to make any more. She’d have to move along,

  298. I bet red wine is like a vaccine against Ebola.

    *drinks

  299. Red wines give me migraines. Of course Moscatos are sweet…I’m a diabetic. I like sweet!

  300. G’night. Setting my alarm. Kicked to the couch.

  301. I am contractually obligated at this point to mention that Diet Dr Pepper tastes more like regular.

  302. When we were in Vegas, most fountains were Pepsi. No Diet DP. It was turrible. Turrible.

  303. Other than McCarran Intl, I’ve never been to Vegas.

  304. It’s pretty lame since the mob cleared out.

  305. You guys should drive up together.

    I’ll just have to meet you there, I guess.

  306. Nighty night Osita. Sweet dreams.

  307. I don’t really have any burning desire to go.

  308. Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like regular what? Dog’s ass? Diet Coke is the best of the diet drinks. Scientific fact.

  309. Bedtime for me too. Goodnight, sweeties.

  310. Whats up everyone?

  311. wow, my fridge smells awesome. Rub applied to chicken breasts and pork butt.

  312. Diet drinks of all types are teh debbil.

    //bought a couple of Mexican Cokes last time I was in HD

  313. I generally enjoy rubbing breasts and butts.

  314. i like th eburny tingly sensation of diet coke. regular coke is too sweet and doesn’t have that.

  315. I like the burny sensation of bourbon. diet coke doesn’t have that.

  316. Other burny sensations call for a visit to the free clinic.

  317. if you ignore them long enough they go away

  318. I just can’t do mixed drinks with Dt. Coke. I have to have regular Coke.

  319. Love mexican coke. Real sugar is the shizz!

  320. Well I’m not really much of a drinker anymore, mainly wine, maybe a beer. That eleiminates the mixed drink issue here.

  321. I like Dt. Coke straight up. Just can’t do mixed drinks with it.

    Dt Pepsi is too sweet.

  322. dt pepsi killed it.

    As was foretold in the prophecy.

  323. lol. diet pepsi kills everything

  324. Diet Pepsi is just awful.

    I love real Coke. And I love bourbon (and scotch, irish, vodka, etc.). But I loathe mixed drinks.

  325. oh come on xbrad, we all know you spell bourbon p-r-u-n-o. :-) and thats when you are going for the high end stuff. Otherwise it’s sterno filtered through bread.

  326. I hear a very gentle sound
    With your derp down to the ground
    We want the world and we want it…
    We want the world and we want it…
    Now
    Now?
    Now!

  327. Look, just cuz I’m slammin’ nyquil to keep the shakes at bay, DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!

  328. I’m not drunk, I have a cold!

  329. Geegus Grist! WSU passed for 749 yards… and lost!

  330. Sounds like a Baylor game. From past years, not this one.

  331. **slams a shot of Listerine**

    **stares at hand sanitizer**

  332. scope is 40% alcohol and has a pleasant minty taste

  333. **gets really really desparate**

    **drinks a Miller Lite**

  334. If it was really desperate, it would be Corona.

    Or Schlitz.

  335. Wing Ball wasn’t awful. High-maintenance military wife sitting next to me got drunk early and a Scene was beginning. Luckily, Mrs. Caruthers just wanted to finish eating and official ceremony-ing and go home, so I didn’t have to see how it ended.

  336. Car in, I’m planning to leave Sumpter at 11, which should put me at your house between 1230 and 1, does that work?

  337. Jay, Keystone or Natty Light (shudder)

  338. Summer is my time for watery domestic beers. Miller Lite, Busch, PBR, etc. Fall and winter is time for darker beers like Sam Adams and Magic Hat.

  339. Never tried Magic Hat. Had a Towhead Friday night that was pretty good. http://mothersbrewing.com/craft-beers/our-beers/towhead/

  340. Soccer game commences at 10. It will end around 11:30. so, yes, it should work.

    I can’t guarantee I’ll be showered or much of anything. Probably still trying to warm up from 90 min on a soccer field.

  341. Towhead looks good. We are living in a good age for smaller breweries. I dislike the term microbrews because it seems hipsterish and we often use the term micropenii around here.

  342. We had a chain link enclosure built for Star and the new puppy to go out and romp around in without worrying about leashes and running after deer or other animals. There was a pheasant in there this morning who could not figure out how to get out despite Paula opening the gate. After a half hour we let Star out and the bird magically learned the best way out was flying over the fence.

    http://tinyurl.com/l8mm4ve

  343. I hope Carin wore a lot of layers. It’s cold and windy here.

    I’m going to let it warm up just a little more before I go cut the willow branch.

  344. There is predictable outrage by the perpetually outraged at this cartoon despite an apology by the newspaper:

    http://tinyurl.com/lgo6np7

    “THERE MUST BE REPARATIONS!”

  345. Making Diabeetus fabulous!

    http://tinyurl.com/lken8oc

  346. Not worthy of a Hostage Recipe entry

    http://www.charlesphoenix.com/six-layer-milk-soaked-cereal-cake-frosted-flake-frosting/

  347. I’m having that for breakfast.

  348. I have to cut the lawn today, and build something for the lawn mower to spend the winter in.

  349. Other than that, I slack.

  350. After the Lapeer trip, I may mow the first round of leaves along with the grass, then get the Stabil-ized gas into the mower and the tiller.

  351. You’ll be cutting again.

  352. Lowes and Home Depot have sold out of wood pellets.

    Looks like everyone who was burning oil is burning pellets now.
    Prices are going to skyrocket.

    Ugh

    I think I need to get a log splitter and a regular wood stove.

  353. Have you heard anything yet about your raise?

  354. Can chippers make adequate pellets, or do the chips end up burning wrong?

    You’ll be cutting again.

    No I won’t, we’ll have snow before November this year.

  355. No. Wood chips would not feed properly.

  356. Phresh Poat

    https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2014/10/05/the-gift/

  357. Cyn, I don’t go back until Tuesday.

    I don’t really care one way or the other.

  358. Dear Lord, this is not a joke or spoof product:

    https://scroguard.com/

    Logical next step is full body latex suits.

  359. Looks like extra insurance for the gay and promiscuous.

    Lapeer time.


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