Dumbest Post in the History of Today

Hi. It is close to TITS, which means you’ll need to pack your extra liver, three feet of extra colon, and your spare set of balls.

Ladies too.









  1. TITS

  2. Happy Birthday Beasns

  3. HATTY BIRFDAY BEASN *puts the bucket on my head and runs around in circles banging the pots together*

  4. I’m exhausted. I worked so hard today already.


  6. Happy Birthday, beasn!

  7. I think Dave means PALOMINO!

  8. Happy birthday beasn!! In honor of your b-day, I’m going to skip TITS and work in my garden today.

    Plus, try to figure out why there is water leaking in my basement.


  9. Is that the safeword?

  10. Huh, only Thursday? Holiday weeks mess my internal time clock up.

  11. You should suck better.

  12. safe word?

    we don’t need no steenking safe word!

  13. Happy Birthday Beasn.

  14. http://tinyurl.com/4fvjl7j

    Hope you have a great birthday Beasn

  15. Happy Birfday Beasn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Happy birthday beansesessd. I got you one of these:


  17. I’m gonna start calling TFG “President JV”

  18. http://i.imgur.com/6HApicT.jpg

  19. Powerful response to a self centered and silly plea for advice:

    Apparent Atheist Asks Advice Columnist for Help Convincing Family That Prayer Is ‘Mumbo Jumbo’ — the Response Just Might Bring You to Your Knees

    I like Andrew W.K. more and more every day.

  20. The H2 is going to go dark very soon, isn’t it?

  21. It’s already dark.

  22. Dark?

  23. Darker?

  24. *slides out of bed and into H2*

    *finger clicks cyn*

  25. I like my H2 like I like my wimmins, cold, black and bitter.

  26. Sorry about that.

  27. Thanks for the birthday wishes y’all.

    *pokes puppeh in the gut*

  28. My daughter asked me last night if I was going to be 28.

    I said, ’10’.

    She says, ‘That sounds about right.’

  29. I have embraced ’39’.

  30. Too dark?

  31. Too dark?


    Happy Birfday, Beasn!

  32. Have a wonderful birthday, Beasn!

  33. This chick cracks me up.

  34. AmishDude brought up that every time Psaki and Larf have a White House presser, it reminds him of a SNL parody sketch of a White House presser. Spot on!

  35. http://i.imgur.com/m66mkWZ.jpg

  36. So, I was out trying to investigate the water issue I’ve got going on (leak, boys room, carpet and part of drywall is already ruined) and i’m not sure I found out the problem (fortunately, I do not believe the issue is underground so THAT is good) but …

    I FOUND A HUGE VARMINT HOLE . I don’t know what kind of monster is living in there, but it’s got to be close to 8 inches in diameter.

    I need Leon to come up here with his shovel.

  37. It’s probably a badger.

  38. Wait, you’re in Michigan, so it will be a wolverine. If you were in Wisconsin, it would be a badger.

  39. What are we gonna do all week, when everyone is gone?

  40. It’s probably a giant spider.

    Or possibly a giant spider with smaller spiders stuck to its back.

  41. hat are we gonna do all week, when everyone is gone?

    Oh, with my extra time and all lonely, I thought I’d reorganize all the old tabs here.

    Maybe give the H2 a more Prog metal feel, with a dash of Crossfit.


  42. *considers adding a sidebar WOD deal

    Yea. That would be cool.

  43. It’s either a possum (zombie?) or groundhog.

  44. Every now and again Karma is good to me.

    A one day trip just opened up for tomorrow. One leg, Chicago-Phoenix, Dead head back to Chicago. Called the schedulers and had them change my deadhead to end in STL 2 days later.

    Now I’m getting paid to fly to TITS!

    I’ll be flying United 1661, landing at 1145. Crash/Rescue crews have been notified.

  45. >>>Oh, with my extra time and all lonely, I thought I’d reorganize all the old tabs here.

    I strongly recommend against that particular activity.

  46. Now I’m getting paid to fly to TITS!


  47. Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full.

    Sorry phat, now you have to buzz the tower.

  48. Phat and Lipstick – you two arrive within a few minutes of each other at the same terminal.

  49. Thanks Cyn, Barring any delays, I should be at the curb by noon.

    Does the hotel have set shuttle times or is it as needed?

  50. LIppy,

    Email me your flight info at transphat88 at the g thing (check Cyn’s email for the list) and we’ll try and meet up at the airport.

    I’ll be the guy impersonating a pilot.

  51. As needed, Phat; just call the hotel. There’s a flyer from the hotel on this in one of the more recent emails.

  52. No problem, I’ll talk to lipstick and come up with a mutual time.

  53. No fair drinking at the airport before you get to TITS.

  54. Phat needs to bring some stewardesses to the meat-up. Cute ones.

  55. COAlex,

    Sadly, I fly for United, not Cathay Pacific.

    If the FA’s are laying over, and if there are any new-hires, I’ll pass them the invite.

  56. I kinda invited one of the ladies from The Bored Room to crash the party.

  57. Here’s a video of how United needs to be hiring FA’s:

  58. >>>Oh, with my extra time and all lonely, I thought I’d reorganize all the old tabs here.

    I strongly recommend against that particular activity.

    Oh, it’s going to go FINE. CYn will probably thank me when I’m done.


    OMG. What just happened?

  59. Don’t worry. I can fix it.

    I’ll just delete the entire blog and start over.


  60. *picks gardening theme for new H2

  61. I kinda invited one of the ladies from The Bored Room to crash the party.

    Please tell me that’s not some weird Army euphemism for tranny hooker.

  62. Voila.

  63. I prefer viola, Scott.

  64. Whatever floats your boat.

    Big violin!

  65. *misspells “Hostages” on the new header

    eh, no one will notice

  66. Misspells Kar in.

  67. Liberals would have us believe that GW Bush was the most unpopular President ever. Not true. Obama is pretty much bottom of the barrel. Only Carter does worst.
    GW? I am not 100% sure, but I think he is one of the most popular, if not the most popular post WWII Prez.


  68. *screws up hyperlink to xbrad’s blog

  69. **fingers hover over call button on cell phone**

  70. CRAP

  71. shit just got real.

  72. Car in, where is the critter hole?
    Is there a fresh mound of dirt next to it?

  73. Please tell me that’s not some weird Army euphemism for tranny hooker.

    No. We call those “Air Force Girlfriends.”

  74. It is RIGHT beside my house. So close, it may actually just use the house as one side of the hovel.

    OR, it’s dug completely into my house and that is merely an entrance way.

    I’m not sure about fresh dirty because i ran away like a little girl.

  75. Car in, where is the critter hole?

    Jesus Scott. It’s pretty much the same place on all women.

    As far as I know…….

  76. We may need Dave to weigh in on this, PG.

  77. Last I checked, the Army was the only one to have a tranny in Leavenworth for treason. PFC ‘Chelsea” Manning.

  78. I think I got Fat Bastard last week.

  79. I need Leon to come up here with his shovel.

    Just give me a time.

  80. Looks like Joan Rivers passed.

  81. CaRin,
    Get some lime out of your trunk and spread it around the hole, when the monster leaves you will get some footprints so you can figure out what your dealing with.

    Also, your dogs are huge pussies.

    Also also, I’ve got a cheap game camera I can send you if you want. It works really well. Here is a video from my back yard, I took it to figure out what was digging under the shed.


  82. There’s no such thing as a routine procedure

  83. Wow, that was over 3 years ago.

  84. I’d hate to think how much dog poop is in your yard now.

  85. Tackle!

  86. I’d hate to think how much dog poop is in your yard now.

    You and me both, brother.

  87. FTR, I’ve never pooped in Pupster’s yard.

  88. Comforting thought.

  89. OMG, if FNC spends another whole freaking hour on Rivers’ death (God rest her soul), I may have to hurl one of my 10,000 water bottles at the teevee.

  90. HA HA HA……I mean…what an ass.


  91. No fair drinking at the airport before you get to TITS.

    Can’t stop us, ha!

    Phat, I just sent you an email.

  92. HA HA HA……I mean…what an ass.


    Sooooo cruel. Ha Ha Ha

  93. My dogs don’t go over on that side of the house, Pupster. I barely ever go over there, and it’s blocked so it’s not as if they can run around the house that way.

    They killed on groundhog a few years ago, and killed that possum last year.


  94. Scott, I’m gonna try to smoke a chicken tonight.

    Which end do I light?

  95. FTR, I’ve never pooped in Pupster’s yard.

    Well that makes one of us.

  96. Happy Birthday, Beasn!

    Happy Birthday, Michael!

  97. But it’s a dry heat. Good Lord.

  98. Happy Birthday, Beasnsssnss.

  99. Time for work.

  100. Happy birthday, Beasn. Come to Tempe in the Motha Fuckin Sun.

  101. Welcome to the Valley, Hotspur. How’s that awesome hotel roof-top pool?

  102. Haven’t been up there. Just got back from lunch at the German brewpub. Note in my room says closed ’til the 8th.


  104. Awesome.

  105. German brewpub?


  106. There, there, Carin, don’t cry. We’ll be toasting you often.

  107. Just make sure everyone pronounces my name right.

  108. WTH is this Dan-O and SH crap about over at mothership?

  109. Just make sure everyone pronounces my name right.


  110. Crain

  111. nir Ac

  112. carrion.

  113. Carry on. You’re only allowed one.

  114. Speaking of which, did you still need a shovel-murder?

  115. Do any of you know what that was about?

  116. Laura, someone said it was just Ace making an extended meta joke, but I’m not sure.

  117. I thought it would be something like that, but I was hoping for the actual story. I’m kind of starved for blog news.

  118. I don’t know, Leon. I haven’t been back over there to investigate. It could be an old hole.

  119. Set a live trap near it with a sliced apple in it.

  120. And wait behind a tree with a shovel?

  121. No, attach a chain after you attach it and toss it in the lake.

  122. *cue yakety sax*

  123. Ace posted comments about the article stating liberals were authoritarians and his first quote referenced Jonah Goldberg’s book Liberal Fascism.

    Dan-o and SH both made comments in the thread about how this topic had already been covered by Jonah Goldberg, leading Ace to complain that they obviously hadn’t read his actual post.

  124. Alrighty, I’m skipping out of work early to start my drive to Albuquerque. I’ll see you all at TITS!

  125. Is that also an explanation for the reference to Goldberg’s book in subsequent posts, with a link to a dumb video?

  126. And thanks, Alex. I thought canceling the comments section in the ONT last night was pretty severe! Those people must have lost their damn minds.

  127. Just so everybody knows, MJ (and GND) were the only volunteers for BBF, so you only have yourselves to blame.

  128. I always blame myself, Pupster.

  129. He didn’t “cancel” the comments section; he moved them to an alternative location – but you had to read the entire post (and follow the links) to find them.

  130. AH. Fanks.

  131. The link about Dan-O and SH *WAS* a link to the comments.

  132. Unfortunately, my Kindle won’t let me access the “minx.1080” links (I am in bed when the ONT goes up), so I didn’t get to join in on the fun :-(

  133. Thor’s Day Contest:


  134. I always blame myself, Pupster.

    White man’s burden.

  135. Mmmmm Thor nummy

  136. TITS?

  137. Heh

  138. Hookers & Booze is down. Not good.

  139. Same for me Leon. “Thor’s Day” made me think of H+B and I got a 403-Forbidden message which I have no idea what that means. Activate the Aggie light!

  140. So jelly. Looks like the rain in the forecast for Saturday may hit tonight. Safe travels you freaks!

  141. H&B was down earlier for me, then came back up for a bit. I already warned Aggie.

  142. Gawd, watching the NFL kickoff show and the talking heads said they avoided a PR nightmare by having the NFL contact teams around the league to see if they could use Michael Sam. The mere fact they relied on that extortion is a PR nightmare to me. Does the NFL look out for all the cut players and make calls on their behalf? JTFC!

  143. OSO!



  144. http://imgur.com/gallery/fW4uC0M

  145. PUPS!!!!

  146. Jimbro, I was really surprised that the Rams were brave enough to cut him. Someone with linkfu needs to load the Bengals story. They cut a guy, but put him on the practice squad because his daughter has cancer.

  147. Ugh. Stupid me. I decided to bring my backup netbook to TITS so I can upload some pics. Of course, the damn thing has been stuffed in the closet for a few months (just like MJ). And the battery was dead. So I plugged it in to charge. And when I turned it on, of course I forgot there’s about 8 months of automatic windows updates that need to install.


    **calls Kar in**

  148. I’m getting better about studying later. But I have had it for today. Tomorrow is another day.

  149. Pupster! http://imgur.com/gallery/S5HWcpn

  150. Oso loves Scarlett lauraw!

  151. Dick Butt!!!

  152. Did anybody accuse anybody else of being soft on crime today?

  153. She’s a naughty girl: http://imgur.com/gallery/XgUQ0vz

  154. What courses are you taking this semester? Too early to assess the profs?

  155. http://tinyurl.com/qzf8wpe

    He could’ve just got Obamacare. If he made the team he would have burnt out fast worrying about his kid’s health.

  156. Thanks, Jimbro. Still not a Bunghole fan. Nice story. September is Childhood Cancer Month. Turn it Gold!

  157. I’ve had only one or two classes with each prof so far. Tomorrow is my first third class with one prof.

    Nutrition, Theory, A&P2 w/lab, and Assessment w/lab. It’s a lot. I felt very badly when we discovered there was no ready-to-eat food in the house for Scott today. I hugged Scott and told him, “It’s going to get worse, you know.” and he said, “I know.” But I don’t think either of us really knows.

  158. You should smoke a few chickens.

  159. I cannot imagine doing this while having kids in the house.

  160. One of us will have to quit if we ever catch pregnant. We haven’t discussed who just yet.

  161. Fam said my smoked chicken was a personal best.

  162. Face douche has some sort of 20 meals for $200 things that you pre-sort and slow cook. I don’t thing my family would like that sort of stuff.

  163. *signs up for the go-back-to-school-lose-weight-program*

  164. Ha Ha?


  165. I went and checked on that hole again. The digging did look fresh.

  166. Leon, had to find my five rep max for deadlift. 190. I was pretty pleased with myself.

  167. Dan is making green chile chicken alfredo. Smells yummy.

  168. We had some trying times Laura. There were a lot of Fenfer nights and the boys learned how to make PB+J’s, frozen pizza and mac n cheese. Still haven’t learned how to clean shit up though.

  169. I haven’t deadlifted in almost 6 weeks, still rehabbing the shoulder.

  170. Crock pot and some containers. Have soup handy.

  171. Scott’s really good about fending, especially since he started developing his own culinary skills. Today was just kind of haphazard because he was also running our business and getting ready to go to Obamajob.
    I think I need to establish a particular day and time for cooking quantity food ahead of time. Wish I had thought to build a stockpile of homemade TV dinners in Summer, but I never thought about it.

  172. True that, Leon.

  173. So, no freshly skinned hobo. :(

  174. I try to always have at least one saved meal so I have no excuses for cheating. Old habit at this point.

  175. Touchdown!

  176. Stupid Seahags!!!! (I have no dog in this race)

  177. Cyn and Hotspur and who knows who else must have started drinking already.

  178. >> I cannot imagine doing this while having kids in the house.

    I went back to school at night when eldest was 2. All my classes started at 8pm so I could come home and do dinner with them, go to class, and get up and go to work the next day.

    Mrs. Dave was an incredible trooper for those 2 years.

  179. I can’t imagine going back to school.

  180. Well I was, what, 27

  181. XB, I know! I’m too old to party 24/7. Beer Pong looks harder than Quarters.

  182. Who is broadcasting the football game?

  183. Never mind.

  184. I miss the NFL network on Thursday night. I really H8 Bob Costas. H8 him.

  185. Cyn stood me up. Whore.

  186. Ominous.

  187. Just got a job for tomorrow.


    Luckily I saw this coming and stomped on the quote.

  188. I’ll show up alone and make him help too.

  189. Kill another bird with one stone: make him make you a sandwich.

  190. Sammich.

  191. The gardening channel I just found yesterday makes heavy use of shovelcam.

  192. I should use one of those next time there’s a possum.

  193. What is wrong with possums?

  194. need to see if I have cab far for wiser to buy him half a beer

  195. Why does Cyn hate you, Hotspur?

  196. ‘possums are the debbil. It goes 1.skunks. B. the debbil. AKA ‘possums. III. Hummingbirds.

  197. Hummingbirds? You are weird.

  198. Possums attack barn cats and eat their food. They also burrow and can damage foundations.

  199. They also don’t die from gunshots.

    I don’t want to share territory with such monsters.

  200. Hummingbirds are aggressive little jerks. I H8 ’em. Not a fan of butterflies, either. Flying insects. People are like “Oh…pretty”. Oh, yeah! Would you plant a moth garden? How about a pigeon park? Let’s put a feeder out for seagulls while we’re at it! (Not a fan of birds)(Or flying insects)(Or spiders)

  201. Possums attack?

  202. Hotspur never answered me when I wanted to meet him for dinner. Dick.

  203. I knew it was his fault

  204. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was a question. I thought you were just coming. Oh well, there’s tomorrow and the next day.

    I think I got dehydrated on the plane, then further dehydrated in the dry air, so I wasn’t feeling so great anyway.

    Ima get a good night’s sleep.

  205. Sorry for the miscommunication; sleep is good. I’ll have some of that please.

    And while we have a bit of humidity right now with this “dry heat”, you’ll still want to drink tons. In fact, that reminds me to throw a few Gatorades in my suitcase.

  206. I’m gonna get dehydrated?

    Well, this is new info

  207. This Martina Hill chick is hilarious; I’ve been checking out some of her gifs today:



  208. We’ll make sure you find water, Dave. Promise.

  209. Why do people live there?

  210. http://i.minus.com/ibNztjcYTPNDa.gif

  211. I… I don’t know.

  212. Possums attack?

    Boots the Barn Cat (RIP, buddy) almost died from his fight with the one I shoveled to death. Ear was torn up, eventually he got ear mites and never recovered. The damage to his inner ear eventualy destroyed his balance and we had to put him down.

  213. Go by your local Sam’s Club and buy lots of water. First stop in AZ. Followed by a trip to Total Wine. 3rd stop:In n Out Burger.

  214. We do have water faucets here, with actual water coming out of them.

  215. Animals.

  216. Ugh. Tap water. SD tap water is the worst!!! (Brushes teeth with bottled water on vacay because of icky tap water)

  217. AZ minus large-scale irrigation doesn’t support human life, iirc, at least not in the numbers y’all have now.

    You are de-deserting it, too. Allergy sufferers aren’t safe there anymore.


  218. http://i.imgur.com/mQuWnKN.jpg

  219. True story. Dan saw me filling dog bowls with Culligan water. Dan: WTF? Me: I don’t drink tap water, why should they? Dan: (Cancels our Culligan acct) Fin.

  220. What is “SD tap water”?

  221. San Diego. It is gross. You can smell the water.

  222. I have no idea what they treat it with, but ick.

  223. TY

  224. YW

  225. *Wonders if Wiser has tested my SD tap water theory*

  226. Those animals use TAP water to fill the hot tub!

    //demands Perrier filled hot tub

  227. Oh, like you people have never encountered soft water in a hotel. UGH. Soap doesn’t even rinse off. Don’t get me started!

  228. I need water in me, not ON me

  229. Chance of rain in Tempe is now 0% for Saturday, 60% for Sunday.

  230. Chance of XBrad doing something drunken and stupid in Tempe on Saturday is now 95%.

  231. Should I start packing now?

  232. Covered by the blind belief
    That fantasies of sinful screens
    Bear the facts, assume the dye
    End the vows no need to lie, enjoy
    Take a ride, take a derp now

  233. Well, we made it to Tempe (finally)! Guy at the front desk asked if we wanted a wake-up call – umm……no. We never get to sleep in late.

  234. http://imgur.com/gallery/eMVxJuO

  235. Heh, Buttnado

  236. Leaving for the airport shortly.

  237. Also leaving for the airport. Look out, Tempe!

  238. I hate all of you.

  239. I hate them too.

  240. OTOH, I don’t have to get on a plane today. I get to have my coffee and listen to Benny whine about Mrs. Caruthers leaving the house.

  241. Morning, children. Have fun.

  242. The good news is that I did come up with enough money to pay my phone bill. I have to skip crossfit to pay it, because I have until 10 am or they turn my phone off. Boo hiss. It costs a fortune to have them flip the switches back on.

  243. Well that’s good.

  244. ALSO – I’ve had a good first week of homeschool. Something that wouldn’t have happened if I’d gone to TITS.

    In addition, my daughter has a tournament in Traverse city this weekend, of course I can’t go – sigh – but I have to be here to see her off. Plus, my other son has soccer games all weekend. I’ll be able to catch one on SUnday.

    So, going to TITS really would have been hard even if I could have afforded it.

  245. This is the second year for the traverse city tournament, I couldn’t go last year either. BUt apparently the soccer fields are AMAZING.

  246. CaRin, can’t you sell one of your kids into slavery to raise funds? Maybe you should try a pole dancing fitness routine. That might turn into a cash generator for you.

  247. I’m just grateful that both of my kids are good enough that when I can’t go, other parents happily take them. I give them some cash and snacks. And, my kids aren’t perfect, but they are very good with other people. They are always on their best behavior.

  248. I’m probably going to end up working most of tomorrow. I might break in the dutch oven with some braised ribs.

  249. What’s the going rate of kids? I mean, they’re not cheap to raise, and I’m afraid to take a loss on the deal.

  250. I’m going to work most of tomorrow too!!!

    I’ve been toying with the idea of not working a (fake) double on Saturday, and working THursday night instead. So I’d work a Monday double, then wed, thurs, friday, and Saturday night.

    Still thinking. Maybe I’ll try it once and see how I like it. Those doubles are just so freaking long. Plus, saturday DAY off would mean I could catch a few more soccer games.

    BUT, it would make thursday soccer practices hard to get to. Sigh. I dunno. I hate that i can’t get my kids anywhere. I wish we had bike trails, and I could trust society.

  251. Doesn’t sound like they are any good at filling in holes, so that’s one strike against them.

    Maybe they can show up for minimum wage protests?

  252. J’ames, they are actually pretty good little laborers. They can’t be responsible for filling a hole we just discovered. Should i just fill it? Shouldn’t I be trying to kill whatever is in there first?

    *this whole thing is icky.

  253. What’s the going rate of kids?

    My BiL’s sister and her husband just spent $17k on IVF for their second kid, so that’s gotta be the ballpark.

  254. Isn’t it a hole in your basement wall? That seems a little critical to just leave to amateurs.

  255. Actually, we’re not sure exactly what’s going on with the leak. I haven’t found a hole.

  256. Do you need a dehumidifier while you look? You want to solve it before winter, but in the meantime you shouldn’t let it be damp.

    I could get mine from my friend in Canton and bring it.

  257. if the dirt is moved away from the foundation, it causes water to collect against the house. I don’t know if that is the case, but that is one cause of basement leaks.

  258. And I could make you DINNER!

  259. Yeah, you want to be certain that the earth next to the foundation is firmly packed and graded down from the wall.

  260. J’ames, I found a big plastic tarp thing stuck up against the house (wind blew it there, I guess), That could have cause it to divert water along the foundation? Also, looking at it, we could do a bit to divert water from the house. it’s a hill AND we have that sloping roof which drops rain right there. It could just be a combination of factors.

  261. If it’s a ground hog you need to get rid of it.

    They are burrowing machines.

  262. Yes, that. i think that is the major problem. Pack the dirt properly, then maybe cover with rocks to the downsplash doesn’t erode it.

  263. Usually is several things at once.

  264. Scott, I took Zelda over there to have a look last night.

    I’m going to have to clean up that whole hill. Make it a less pleasant place for things to live.

    Plus, I was thinking about moving my raspberries and blackberries on that hill. In rows that I can mow between.

  265. ONTO that hill.

    Gee, isn’t this great? With all the scolds at TITS we can talk gardening and food and foundation issues all we want!

  266. Their burrows can go for 40 feet or more.

    I am certain that Fat Bastard’s living quarters are under our garage, and he completely messed up our patio.


  267. I’m waiting for the friend to show up on Lync (he’s a coworker), I’ll let you know. Pretty sure he’s not using it.

  268. Crap.

  269. You should have a kid with a hammer standing over that hole 24/7.

  270. New post.

  271. I usually see the critter and I haven’t seen a groundhog near the house at all. But i can’t argue with the evidence.

  272. My large live trap is a little out of whack after its last success, or I’d bring it.

  273. Ammonia is supposed to work. http://is.gd/g3u2mE

  274. Boarded the sardine can. Waiting for takeoff

  275. It’s either a possum (zombie?) or groundhog.

    Now let’s not jump to conclusions. I had a varmint hole next to my foundation that was exactly that size, and it turned out to be an armadillo.

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