Not an option



  1. Fisticuffs

  2. Hi.

  3. in

  4. Here’s a cool quote I found:

    “I prefer maritime laws over laws on land. Maritime laws only exist to guarantee safe passage. There are no loopholes or biases to favor more powerful vessels. Every ship is equal, and no one is more powerful than the sea.”

  5. Love that quote HS.

  6. The sea is racist

    In fact, water is racist since there are very few champion black Olympic swimmers

    H2O is a H8er

  7. Also snakes are raaaacist because they scare the shit out of blacks.

  8. As does work. Bwahahahahahahaha! Oops.

  9. This is the shittiest post in all history of shitty posts. I’m not even going to login and comment further because this post is so shitty. As you were.

  10. Suck it, Compost!

  11. Well, wordpress made me login, the fucker. Doesn’t change the shittiness of this post.

  12. Oh and check your email for a meatup. I have it on good authority that there are porta-potties.

  13. Dear Chris

    Sorry about the burning, suffocation and assraping
    So I’ll give you 10 percent off on a second copy of my really great book!

  14. Since it’s Thorsday, I finally got around to posting pics of wiserdaughter’s latest beau, whom we refer to as Thor, on the POL page under “T”.

  15. Wiser, what does Thor do?

  16. Wow.

  17. Wiser, what does Thor do?

    College student. Plays rugby.

  18. Wow.

    toldja. And you can’t even see his ponytail in those pics.

  19. Just missed a call. It was work.

    DO I call to ask?

    I’m going with FUCK no.


  20. Maybe they are calling about a customer that stiffed you accidentally, and sent in a fortune from his estate.

    Better call in and check.

  21. ^some friend.

  22. It was a dark and stormy night. . .

  23. College student. Plays rugby.

    So he has potential then?

  24. Car in, you should call them.

    At worst they’ll want you to come in. It’s not like it’s a real double, so why worry?

  25. New ride to work, HS?

  26. Bitchin!

  27. So he has potential then?

    Hope so. The rugby thing is worrisome…. But other than that, he seems like a pretty decent kid.

  28. Rugby is a respectably manly sport. If he played soccer then I’d say worry.

  29. Rugby is a respectably manly sport. If he played soccer then I’d say worry.

    the potential for injuries with long-term repercussions is not cool. HE already has some memory problems due to a concussion he got a few weeks back., And that wasn’t his first one.

    The problem is the mind-set of “come on, pussy, get back in the game!” that seems prevalent among rugby players. He also told us about one player who lost an eye in a game.

  30. “He also told us about one player who lost an eye in a game.”

    He probably forgot where he put it.

  31. I have one hour between jobs.

    I think I’ll caffeinate.

  32. Central PA weather. . .

  33. We had that shit yesterday, Chief.

    You’re welcome.

  34. We had a grad student drown because they were tubing in a flood engorged river. On purpose.

    Natural Selection in Progress™

  35. Sunny and 80 with scattered blimp.

  36. Better than scattered “pimp”.

  37. Scattered “chimp” would be bad too.

  38. The blimp was giving corporate joyrides over Hartford earlier. It’s funny seeing a blimp in a steep dive.

  39. Has anyone ever stolen a blimp?

    Somebody should do that.
    It would be like the OJ chase except there would be a blimp.

  40. OMG, that is so eerie!! I have that on the agenda for Sunday morning at the meat up!

  41. JEF is speaking, saying he wouldn’t have gone into Iraq in the first place, effectively blaming the problems there today on Bush.

    What a worthless POS.

  42. Then why did Edwards, Kerry and Clinton all vote to go there?


  43. Why would anyone take seriously a critique on how to run a government by this douchebag?

  44. I’m surprised he even took the time to speak. He knows he is toast.

  45. FORE!

  46. Now watch this drive!

  47. THUD (sod flies 2 feet)

  48. Yannow, I’m almost to the point where I feel sorry for the stuttering stumblefuck.

  49. I wonder when John Kerry is going to ask Obama “How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?”

  50. Time to make the lobsters.

  51. Wiser,

    I played rugby in college. Never got seriously injured. One broken finger was it.

    I believe the lack of pads leads to better tackling technique in rugby vs. football.

    I had multiple concussions playing football and it was mainly because of players just launching themselves head-first.

  52. I had multiple concussions playing football

    Well, that explains a lot.

  53. Ha!

    Cyn, you are more right than you realize…

  54. ;)

    Happy early Birthday

  55. Did you hear that the United Negro College Fund and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People have to change their names?

  56. Didn’t think so.

  57. All errands done, scrubs ordered, and -fantastic!- my brain is rejecting the new org chem information. Oh man, am I ever gonna fuck up this test tonight. Summer school is such a terrible thing to do to this particular curriculum. You just can’t absorb it all this fast. There’s too much.

    Comment by Pupster on June 19, 2014 10:48 am


    Somebody hand me a whisk. The biggest one we have.

  58. *imagines laura’s school like Pacific Tech in Real Genius.

  59. Laura:

  60. This video is long, but worth every minute of your time.

  61. heh, that’s the one, leon



    /ask me how my day is going.

  63. Cyn,


    Enjoying a few bonus days off (without pay).

    Tried to get to Chicago for a trip yesterday. 2:30 flight cancelled, so I went to the airport early to get on the 1:45 flight. It was delayed until 7:20 pm.

    I then walked over to American and got on the 3:30 flight (delayed until 4:45). I actually got on and we took off to Chicago.

    An hour into the flight I notice we have been turning left a lot. Yep, we’re in a holding pattern. Then we divert back to STL d2 T-storms in Chicago.

    No big deal, I can still make my flight in the morning as long as this flight gets into Chicago later tonight.

    Well, we sat for two hours on the ramp waiting for a gate and by the time we got in all of the Chicago flights for the day were gone and AA cancelled the one I was on.

    I missed an awesome trip (St. Thomas!), but it was good to see that another airline sucks as bad as we do.

  64. Wow, that would really chap your ass if you paid for St. Thomas.


    *dodges wisk*

    Hey! I wasn’t talking about

    *direct hit*


  66. St. Thomas isn’t all that great. The fucker never believes a thing you tell him.

  67. The worst part is, you can’t meet up with Roamy in CHI nowl

  68. No squishy hugs for YOU!

  69. I doubt that, HS.

  70. This is how we are in 2014.

    We should make Brad a Hostage. Right NOW!

  71. We should have a meat up on St. Thomas.

  72. “I beat my wife” is an offensive comment. It’s so heternormative to assume a heterosexual relationship. What about GLBT relationships? How about those in polyamorous relationships? The assumption of monogamy as the only valid form of relationship in which abuse can occur is so oppressive!

    The appropriate comment would have been “I beat at least one intimate partner.”

    Wait, that’s insensitive to asexuals…

  73. He should have added “…then kick the dog.”

  74. He should have just beat his dog with a whisk.

  75. Yet Bobby Cox is in the HoF.

  76. “I beat my SO” would have been an acceptable comment though.
    All PC n’ shit.

  77. Son of a…

  78. Heh… that last one must be a picture taken here in AZ. People are pretty militant about breaking windows for babies and pets in cars.

    You can bake cookies in cars in the summer time here. GOOGLE IT!

  79. No.

  80. Holy crap HS,

    That Ted Cruz video was awesome.

    Seeing him debate her bitchiness would be epic.

    Never brought popcorn to a debate, but I would for him.

    Cruz/Jindal 2016!

    Hey, we got one white Hispanic and one (quasi-red-dot) Indian on the ticket.

    Suck it, you old wooden ship named Diversity!

  81. Ga. Can I procrastinate ANY longer ? So unmotivated to run.

  82. Oh, the temp just went down a degree. This procrastinating is working out!

  83. I need to trademark ‘Suck it, you old wooden ship named Diversity!’.

    Put it on the back of a Cruz/Jindal T-shirt.

  84. HA!

  85. Nice try, Phat.

  86. Late brunch at the Grille Room was nice, but the damn internets was down.

  87. Going out for a walk.

    BTW, the Scalzi Vs. Correia thing on twitter has me laughing.

    Sure they’re both nice guys, but I’d go with Larry in a fight.

    Actually, it would be kinda fun to pummel Scalzi with fists. Got a feeling he’s the kind of a guy who’s never been hit.

    It clarifies the mind.

  88. Heh.

  89. H3?

  90. *DING!*

    Brain’s done.

    *loosens something*

    *pours something into a something*

    Something, something…I swear to fuckin Dog, I am so addled after four days of nonstop studying that when I got into my truck to go to school, I went to buckle my seat belt into the ignition switch.

    Will. Never. Do. A concentrated course. Ever. Again.

  91. Laura, stop staring at the orange juice can.

  92. it’s full of molecules

    i can see them

  93. The winner of our snap contest is Marine Capt. Adam Thomas. His two entries:



    Rex Brynen, a political science professor at McGill, took 2nd place with these two:



    Jason Albrecht took third place with:


    And here are some honorable mentions:










    And of course, from Doctrine Man, “OPERATION SHI’ITE STORM.”

  94. Don’t relax to quick your brain with get sprained


    haaaa ha ha haaa

  96. Too.


  97. Austin Jihadi got in shape for jihad by doing CrossFit. Sidebar at the HQ.

  98. That was my favorite as well, Laura, followed closely by Qom-byah.

  99. will

  100. Yes

  101. Did anybody curse the very day they first heard anybody else’s name today?

  102. shit

  103. Just Obama’s.

    But I do that every day, Sean.

  104. John Scalzi is a preening feminist white-knighting jackass. Any punch that hits him is a good one.

    He also still belongs to SFWA, which still celebrates Marion Zimmer Bradley. You know, the lady who raped her own kids and passed them around to friends.

  105. Austin Jihadi got in shape for jihad by doing CrossFit. Sidebar at the HQ.



  106. one that won’t make me sick. . .

  107. I’m Faruq and I do CrossFit.

  108. They have their own special workouts, however.

    Don’t ask what the “Camel thruster” is…

  109. I knew Mcpo’s ear worm without clicking!!! I clicked to verify.

  110. You. Still. Clicked.

  111. Trust. But, verify.

  112. Knowledge is Power.

  113. Fight the real enemy!

  114. Cyn, can you call or text me?

  115. Comment by MJ on June 19, 2014 9:08 pm
    Cyn, can you call or text me?
    Yes. /Cyn

  116. Sure… calling now

  117. I just left you a message. Well, it was more just heavy breathing, but it was me.

  118. Calling? WTF? TEXT!!!!

  119. Huey Louis was so cute.

    Nice 80s look. Pleated pants, giant sunglasses, thin gold belt. Girl had a great big puffy flower clip in her hair.


  120. All alone in the moonlight…

  121. Ooops…Cats not Streisand. Forgive me?

  122. Throws music card at MCPO/

  123. Memory not memories!!! Augh!!! Stupid stupid stupid

  124. There’s a difference?

  125. Yes.

  126. Fer cryin’ out loud, how does he not have access to bail money?

  127. And how did he think sending a dick pic to a midget tranny undercover Chicago cop was a good idea?

  128. Should’ve gone with “Light the corners of my mind”

  129. What he gets for being a Cubs fan.

  130. heh. MJ’s up the river again.
    Stupid Little Whisk.

  131. I’m a bad, bad man!

  132. Oh yeah. It’s Chumpy V 5 Wimmins.
    (I don’t like my chances)

  133. make it 6

  134. Chumpo feeling sassy, huh?

  135. I spent 3 hrs on the phone with Time Warner Cable and now I’m 3 to 5 indians. Yeah. It’s on.

  136. Frickin’ Maetenloch. Whole room is full of allergens and onion vapor.

  137. Are you studying to be a nurse LW?

  138. Maet is a douche!!! Dusty here.

  139. Yes, Chumpo. *snaps on rubber glove*

    Tell me when this hurts real bad

  140. NSFW for language.

  141. When I was a kid, when we played Army, we shot each other and practiced dying spectacularly. When we played Marine, we took turns jumping on grenades.

  142. That’s good. I’m a wreck. Also there’s no way you’re going to make it as a locksmith using seat belts to start ye ole pick up.

  143. Yeah. Tushar, that 37 year old virgin dude wrote that script for the onion and paid them to let him star in the short.

  144. Ho-Lee-Fuk that was hilarious, Tush!

  145. But what you just said, Chumpo, makes it that much more funnay. Heh heh heh.

  146. This one is more scandalous.

  147. Hah! Yeah, no shit. Here’s to hoping things go more smoothly for a while.
    Passed my physical today, btw. It was a really difficult examination. I had to hold a razor knife to the doctor’s throat and talk to him for five whole minutes before he would sign the paper.

    Douchebag. It’s just a lump, for cryin’ out loud.

  148. Lump, Hump, Potato, Potatoe.

  149. OMG RL friend just posted on FB that she is at a concert with our mutual gay friend. No spouses. Lady Antebellum is just too gay.

  150. >> Frickin’ Maetenloch. Whole room is full of allergens and onion vapor.

    That son of a bitch.

    ouch.. eyes.

  151. ok that was weird

  152. You’re getting soft, Hump. Back in aught Seven you would have had that White Coat fakir begging for Haldol inside of 30 sec. That’s ok, Champ, you’ve been battling Coywolves all season so…

  153. que paso Davy?

  154. One of our male cake decorators is gay. Totes gay. Everything was rainbows and lollipops. Inappropriate conversations and Snap! girl. Bakery associate couldn’t follow a schedule. Suddenly, she’s being harassed. We’ve had HR in our Club for 3 days taking statements.

  155. What about the other 7 cake decorator dudes?!! Straight as an arrow. Regular Rutgar Hauar’s eh.

  156. I’m lost, decorator got the associate in trouble not following a gay schedule?

  157. K, except for the time that Rutgar played a they vampire.

  158. Cyn, check your g-string.

  159. This is why you need to be professional at all times. Never stray. Yolanda is a drunk and can’t follow a schedule. Ken gets flamboyant and now HR is involved over a BS petty issue.

  160. What if I have a thong-string? Huh? HUH?!

  161. Get the flock combover, Tushar!!! That is the “New Divorce Court Show” right there! Imma start casting right away. Brilliant!

  162. Associates wear rainbow pins and marriage equality tees. Members complain. We can do nothing.

  163. >> What if I have a thong-string? Huh? HUH?!


  164. Wear a little fencepost and pistol pin.

  165. speaking of g-strings and thongs, on a somewhat related note, there’s entire tumblrs devoted to granny panties.

  166. Shim is Col. Mustard. I’m totes going to poupon him.

  167. Dan pulled the stems and seeds. Chile still hot. Crying.

  168. there’s entire tumblrs devoted to granny panties.

    This is some kind of Rule 34 thing, isn’t it.

  169. Obamajobapalooza is over!

    I worked 8 out of the last 9 days at that place.

  170. I hope you find a real job soon Scott
    Are you going to T.I.T.S? I think I met your lovely bride in StL but it is my friday and I am tipsy

  171. Why no 9 days?

  172. H8 u all.

  173. Hi Lips!

  174. Thats just the Capsicum talking. Add some sugar. Sugar.

  175. Diabeetus!!! Cyn….Chumpo is trying to kill me!!!

  176. I’m too lovable to H8

    Despise maybe

  177. Hi Vman! I forget, did Blake find a home?

  178. I H8. Earlier today, there was 88 comments and I thought about reporting you H8Rs to the language police. Heil Hydra.

  179. Real job? STFU Vmax.

  180. I H8 almonds in Panera sesame asian salad. The disgusting taste permeates everything and makes my tongue feel weird. Blech

  181. My friends are already posting pics from the meat up in Austin. Dan is saying we can go to Nashville next year.

  182. ^I love that song.^ The one with Taylor Swift was surprisingly not bad.

  183. I went to a meatup in Austin four years ago

    Almost all of those folks don’t comment on AoSHQ any more

  184. Archie is a ginger. I was always like WTF? Jughead, Moose, or Reggie!!!

  185. The non-sequiters are bouncing like red rubber balls. . .

  186. TJ, ‘ettes are still talking about what a great guy you are. On FB.

  187. Heh, Joe Elliot singing Love Story on Crossroads was a classic.

  188. I love Crossroads!!!!

  189. <3

  190. Pour some sugar on Taylor.

  191. Best one I’ve seen is Sugarland and Bon Jovi. And I HATE Bon Jovi.

  192. I liked Kid Rock and Hank Jr. Loved Aldean and Bryan Adams. Martina and Pat Benatar? Kick ass.

  193. Forgot about Martina and Pat, that was a great one.

    But Jennifer Nettles blew away It’s My Life. Even Bon Jovi was surprised.

  194. Pat’s a badass. Caught her act last year. I’d go again.

  195. Jennifer Nettles can sing. Nasal. But FU.

  196. Of course, you can’t beat hot chicks playing drums.

  197. Pat is awesome!!! Her hubby is kick ass too! <3

  198. I’ve always wanted to see Pat in concert, haven’t had a chance.

  199. She’s awesome!!! Do you have feather casinos in Iowa?

  200. Yes, and she was here on a weekend that I couldn’t go.

  201. BOOOOO!!!! I’m the same way with Kid Rock!

  202. Uncle Kracker tour…he’s bailing before NM. We’re only getting Mark Mcgrath.

  203. Well, Jimmy Fallon appeared on my TV. Time to shut it off and go to bed.

    You’re #1 Jimmy, and the Roots! *holds up middle finger

  204. Love me some Caroline Corr.

  205. Dan just turned off the TV. I napped. Still running on booze and adrenalin.

  206. Oso brought up Kid Rock, so I had to listen to my favorite by him:

  207. He was always great. Crossroads hooked him up with Jr. Kid is keeping it real. USO. Detroit. Refused to suck up to TFG.

  208. As much as I love Dan, I H8 having days off with him. Opposite of night owl. Outnumbered by Dan and the freaks. I’m wide awake…family bed is full.

  209. If you like Caroline Corr, this one with her and Mick Fleetwood is a blast:

  210. Who the hell is in the family bed?

  211. Wiener dogs and Dan. We don’t have kids. If we did, I’d be all about the patchouli and the family bed.

  212. Family bed is totes a thing!!!

  213. Um, no it’s not.

  214. Weinerist!

  215. It really is. I’m just glad our family bed is canine friendly. There are people that share their beds…with KIDS!!!!

  216. I’m allergic to Gingy. Lucky I get to sleep in the family bed. Dan’s response to my hives: Cover up and stop scratching!!!

  217. I am so tired.

  218. G’night Scott! G’night EC. Twilight Bark and Chicky Chicky in the AM are telling me to plug in my phone and sign off.

  219. Nighty dreams, Scoot

  220. NIghty dreams to you too, Osogirliebear

  221. **takes off pants… well, shorts**

  222. I love Dan Snyder. Please trademark “Washington Kenyans” and just go with that.

    Or maybe the “Washington ACORNS”.

    Maybe the “Washington Lost Emails”?

    How about the “Washington Dead Vets”?

    Oh what about the “Washington Executive Priveleges”

    Or the “Washington Bush Blamers”?

    How about the “Washington Team That Learned About This Game From The News”

    Maybe the “Washington Failures”

    Or the “Washington Oprahs”

    Maybe the “DC Jay-Z’s”

    As a white, normal, non-racist person I’m fucking offended the House doesn’t impeach this fucking douche-bag. At least impeach his white half.

    You want reparations? Ok. How about a white-guilt propped-up dumbshit who’s in charge of the country for 8 years and fucks up everything he touches? How’s that?

    You should have held out for 40 acres and a mule. Or better yet given some love to Clarence Thomas and Condi Rice. Thanks to this asshole you can’t get a job, a loan, a decent education for your kids or a way out of poverty.

    Obama has done more to harm the black and Hispanic communities than any group of crackers in history.

    And more Muslims will die on his watch than under both Bushes combined.

    Fucking idiot liberals. You disgust me. And Floyd farts in your general direction. Which probably smells better than your hippie girlfriend who doesn’t like to wash her giant smelly bush.

    Everyone have a great weekend!!

  223. And one more thing, you know that there were African blacks that sold their brothers into slavery for a fucking buck?

    Those are the hideous ancestors of Barack Obama.

    Nicely done Samuel L. Jackson.


  224. Man….a bug must have crawled up my ass. WTF.

    /rant off

  225. Seriously though. Now what should we talk about?

    I bought a new spatula today. It’s rubber and blue. Not really a dark blue. More like a sky blue. And the handle is this nice finished wood. It looks really nice. Both in the utensil drawer and in the dishwasher.

    I haven’t used it yet but I expect it will be excellent. It was on sale although I believe that was because of an overstock issue, not because it was defective in any way.

    I mean, I no expert on spatulas but it felt good in my hand and I didn’t get any splinters or anything when I was taking it for a test drive. I stirred some soup in the store with it and it seemed to kick ass.

    The spatula is one of those that is somewhat concave so that you can also use it to scoop small amounts of liquid if you’re using it while making soups or sauces or such. It’s a nice feature although I may have paid a bit extra for that. You really never know. It’s not like there is a “Car Fax” for spatulas. “Spatula Fax”. HAHAHAHA!!!

    It didn’t come in a nice gift box or anything which was a bit disappointing but that’s okay. It wasn’t like it was a gift or anything.

    I look forward to using it in the next few days. Maybe I’ll make some scrambled fucking eggs with cheese. Those are good as a son of a bitch. Fucking cheese man. I love it.

    I love my new spatula but not more than fucking cheese. If my new spatula got into a fight with cheese I would root for cheese. You may be a good spatula but YOU’RE NOT FUCKING CHEESE YOU ARROGANT FUCKING SPATULA BITCH!!

    That spatula can suck my ass if it thinks it’s better than cheese. Or butter.

    This comment was brought to you by tequila, vodka, beer, whiskey and cigarettes but sadly no cocaine or hookers.

  226. We’ve moved on to mini-whisks, Rosie.

    Sorry, man.

  227. Mini-whisks?? Hahaha.

    Be sure to wear a condom when you use that so you don’t get the full-blown AIDS.

  228. G’night monkeys. Please tip your waitress who looks a lot like xbrad.

  229. I saw two shooting stars last night
    I wished on them but they were only satellites
    Is it wrong to wish on derp hardware
    I wish, I wish, I wish you’d care

  230. Wakie booby wakie.

  231. Only Rosetta could write 300 words abt buying a new spatula and get me to read the whole thing. Well done, whippersnapper.

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