Hot Wheel Racist Bear Bikini Long Shot

Meet up Rental Car Essential:

Edit [Cyn], necessary:

This is for the meat-up Sept 5-7, 2014:


It’s not the color, it’s the crazy


The Proper way to photograph your wife at the beach:



  1. OK?

  2. I don’t know why my husband never takes pictures of me at the beach.

  3. Morning, children.

  4. Heh. Pat is mowing the lawn outside the kid’s bedroom right now.

    They didn’t do what they were asked yesterday.

  5. Well, if no one’s around, imma gonna go garden for a few hours before i go to work.

  6. Wait! I have questions.

  7. What? I’m just about to put on my elbow-length gardening gloves.

    I had to dishes, start/fold laundry first.

  8. What is it like living on a lake? Do the kids get in the water? Do you have a boat? Are the bugs terrible?

  9. I spent a lot of time at my Uncle’s house growing up, he lived on a lake in Indiana. Seems like the most important factor was he had a utility/mud/laundry/storage bath room that was as big as a two car garage between the house and the lake. All the fishing and boating gear was stored in there, it had a mop sink in the floor and a double utility sink we used for cleaning fish, washer and dryer, small stall shower and towel/clean clothes storage. We came in there and basically got all of the lake off us before going into the house. He had a canoe, 12 person pontoon, and 4 person fishing skiff, plus inner-tubes and floats. Small dock and beach in the back yard, and tie-ups on land for the fishing and pontoon boats. There was a larger public beach and dock in another part of the lake. I loved staying with him.


  11. This is not what I’m going to do today.

  12. Morning Tushar. How many eggs did you eat today?

  13. That dog looks like Star. She’s in trouble today for heeling a Mormon yesterday. Paula is doing some cleaning at camp and she’s stuck here with me in hopes of avoiding a repeat.

  14. Our lake camp is not as deluxe as your uncle’s Pups but we try to get the kids to de-lake in the screen porch facing the shore.

    Long term plan is to buy a different full size home on the same lake while selling our house and camp.

  15. Pups, two eggs, two snausage patties and coffee. I am feeling on top of the world!

    BTW, The pressure washing bug has caught me by the balls. Drive yesterday. Backyard today. Siding and bathrooms next week.

  16. If you’re pressure washer is strong enough it will take the skin right off of your feet.

    There are countless rednecks in Florida that have learned this the hard way.

  17. *Driveway yesterday.

  18. MJ, I know that. I wear heavy duty boots and jeans.

  19. How do I attach the garden hose to upstairs water? If I remove the showerhead, will the garden hose fit directly? Do I need an adapter?

  20. >>>”Includes one male faucet adapter and one male hose connector”


  21. Lake living is nice. I’ve basically lived on one all my life. we had a cottage growing up until about 10 years ago (maybe a little less) and we lived there all summer.

  22. Adapter Tushar.

    You’ll find a brass one at HD in the plumbing aisle. It should be on the right hand side of all of the fittings.

    What you need will be labelled 1/2 FIP x 3/4 MH. Big letters on the packaging LFA-668.

  23. Actually, it depends on the hose. The swivel one might be easier, LFA 660, but it costs twice as much.

  24. Scratch that, you need male hose. LFA 668

  25. Scott, you are a fountain of great info. You should start a home improvement consultancy.

  26. Don’t get me started on nipples.

  27. I actually own the fitting you need. I hooked up the shower to a garden hose so I could melt ice damns with hot water.

    The neighbors thought I was nuts but it worked really well.

  28. Every winter I read about homes burning down when someone thaws pipes or works on an ice dam with a propane torch. Hot water sounds like a better choice.

  29. Scott, a pressure washer would make mincemeat of ice dams.

  30. Good morning, cool kids.

    What’s an ice dam?

  31. Cyn, during certain conditions, warmth leaving our homes will melt some snow on the roof and it will refreeze on the edge.

    You end up with ice damns that will hold water.

    The ice can cause damage, and water can back into the house.

    They are bad news.

  32. HA. I just noticed I type damn automatically.

    Dam you autocucumber brain!

  33. Ice Damns.

    Funny, and accurate.

  34. So did Benny the puppy kill Leon last night?

  35. MJ, I know that. I wear heavy duty boots and jeans.
    Didn’t doubt you for a second. I just thought it was funny how many Floriduh residents pressure wash in flip flops.

  36. I need to figure out how the ignition switch on my lawn mower works, and then kick it’s ass.

  37. Flying up to North Dakota right now to frac well in morning.

    Halliburton and Dick Cheney’s Warcock will be involved.

  38. Safe travels, TJ.

  39. Poat UpDAted.

    L to R: Cyn, Pupster’s Poat

  40. Should I vote again?


  41. Today’s lofty goals.

    1) buy jeans
    2) find food

  42. Me in 2 hours

  43. Rebecca has given us her demands for a peaceful surrender:

  44. Pray to Zod?

  45. Why the FUCK do tire shops put the fucking lug nuts on so tight that they cannot be taken off without special high-powered equipment?

    I was going to do the brakes on wiserdaughter’s car today, but I just spent thd last 45 minutes trying remove the lug nuts on just one tire before giving up.

    Fucking assholes.

  46. You’re spending too much time on leg day.

  47. Wiser?

  48. Cooking for the week:
    1. Fukksized package of chopped little smokies – done
    2. Package of bacon – done
    3. Four cans of tuna and mayo & Lowery’s – done
    3.a Once of the tuna mixes in a pan frying in butter – as we speak

    1. Little smokie & cheese omelettes & scrambles
    B. Chopped bacon & cheese omelettes & scrambles
    iii. Hard boiled eggs

    Low carb winning! (down 8 pounds in less than a week)

  49. Googleman is joining me in this weight loss quest, plus Axeman can eat all of this with little to no insulin. Booyah

  50. Wow. Awesome.

  51. You need a 4′ breaker bar to loosen lug nuts these days.

  52. Archimedes knew about lug nuts before we did.

  53. Thanks, MJ. I’m glad Googleman is joining me, hell, ANYONE is joining me. Plus he loves to cook in the kitchen so we’re getting some much-needed bonding time (especially after our conversation about the dance).

  54. OMG… he just brought me a taste of the pan-fried tuna salad, wow. My little chef then says, “Next time, I’m going to add a bit of burn to it and add some cheese.”

    *wipes away a proud tear*

  55. Back to the kitchen!!

  56. Tell him I’m very proud of him for finger banging that girl.

  57. >>>You need a 4′ breaker bar to loosen lug nuts these days.

    I was hitting those fuckers with my manual impact driver for 30 minutes and not one of them loosened. Even broke one socket.

    I also tried standing on the lug wrench and it just slipped off the lugs.

  58. I was jumping on a lug wrench a few months ago. I think I loosened one nut after fighting for 25 minutes.

    Neighbor walked across the street and handed my a 4-5′ piece of pipe.

    Easy with that thing.

    I picked one up the following week.

  59. Cheater bar is your friend

  60. Scott,
    That’s how I changed the flat on Anitas truck.
    Breaker-bar and the handle off my floor-jack.
    I had to jump on it anyway.

  61. *sigh


    Off to the Depot.

  62. I love fixing malware problems on other people’s computer.

    Man, there was a lot of junk on this thing.

  63. Army vehicles come with camouflage netting, and the poles needed to raise over the vehicle. The most common use of the poles was as a cheater bar for wrenches.

  64. J’ames, what’s your regular go-to for finding malware?

  65. ADWCleaner, CCleaner, Junkware Removal tool, Malwarebytes, and HitmanPro.

  66. Cheater bars sound like trouble.

  67. OK, we’re on the same wavelength.

  68. The only trouble I’ve had with cheater bars is torquing so much I break the bolt.

  69. It really is stupid. There is no sense in carrying a spare if you can’t loosen the lugs.

  70. Yeah, breaking the bolts is a danger.

    Put them back on with a torque wrench, usually at 100 ft pounds.

  71. Momma stray cat had 4 kittens last week, she’s down to one.

  72. lawn mower cat?

  73. Yep.

  74. Did you find homes for them, or were they coyote fodder?

  75. Oooh – neighbor’s hothead teenaged son got hauled off in handcuffs this afternoon. Don’t know what happened, but 4 police cars, an ambulance, and a fire truck pulled up to his house.

    Hothead’s GF just delivered his son last week; she was seen leaving the premises with (I assume) her parents and baby in tow a couple of days ago.

    They had a few words a couple of months back in front of God and everybody – since it happened on the street between our houses, I went outside and told them to take it somewhere else (didn’t realize at the time that he was our neighbor’s kid – last time I remember seeing him, he was a little boy).

  76. Anyone have recommendations for what to do with a cup and a half of bacon grease. I can’t stand eating scrambled eggs every day and the stuff is starting to pile up in my fridge.

  77. The last couple of days there have been a lot of banging noises (like slamming doors, etc). coming from their house – I guess things escalated today.

    Nobody followed the police cars when they left, so I’m guessing Mom and Dad are going to let him sit and “reflect” for a couple of days.

  78. Put them back on with a torque wrench, usually at 100 ft pounds.

    I will ONLY let my mechanics hand-tighten; they can use power to take them off.

  79. I will ONLY let my mechanics hand-tighten; they can use power to take them off.


  80. No.

    *waggles eyebrows*

    And yes.

  81. I didn’t do anything.

  82. It freezes really well, CA – put it in a non-stick ice cube tray until completely frozen, then pop ’em out and put in a Ziploc bag. Use in place of butter/oil whenever you are cooking.

  83. I have had to change enough tires in my day, invariably out on the road, that i/me/a-chick need to be able to get them off quickly and safely.

  84. That’s a great idea for bacon grease; I’ve only ever done that with gravy. #Good call.

  85. Thanks, Theresa!

    I’m thinking that I’ll make pastry dough this week. cut out rounds and then fold them over some chopped ham and onions and cheese and spinach.

  86. Anyone have recommendations for what to do with a cup and a half of bacon grease.

    Personal Lube.


  87. Awesome, Cyn!

  88. I will ONLY let my mechanics hand-tighten; they can use power to take them off.

    That’s really great advice, Cyn. I’m going to remember that. It’s no use trying to change a tire out in the middle of nowhere if you can’t get the nuts off. o_O

  89. The problem I find in so many instances is that you tell people to do things and they just ignore/forget and then lie and assure you that they did it.

  90. Judging by oso’s facebook timeline, she’s looking forward to the drink of the week: grasshopper

  91. …and then lie and assure you that they did it.

    Gotta watch ’em like a hawk!

  92. They are getting worse!!! This morning they were everywhere. I’ve showered and washed my hair AND I CAN STILL FEEL THE ONE THAT GOT ME!

  93. I have changed a flat in August on a freshly asphalted road wearing black flats. Tire changing speed becomes mandatory in the desert; that day was a PB at 13 minutes from the open-to-close of the trunk. Oh, and keep some old bath mats in the trunk; great to kneel and sit on when changing the tire.

  94. There are 6 people that work at Sam’s TBC. There is only 1 that I would trust to do as asked and not lie.

  95. Oso needs a full-body burqua.

  96. Cyn, I haven’t had the joy of the flat in hot weather, however, I did get to swap out a battery in the wife’s van this winter at 7am when it was sub freezing and drizzling rain.

  97. Any kind of car malfunction in extreme weather is teh suckage.

  98. Sub freezing? Usually around zero when ours die.

  99. What is Oso infested with?

  100. Grasshoppers. They are swarming so bad, they show up on weather radar.

  101. Oso’s Nemesis:

  102. How long do your batteries live, Scott?

  103. Other people’s Doxies hunt and kill them. My doxies run away from them.

  104. How does a grasshopper “get you”?

  105. It hit me in the face and then got tangled in my hair. I think it was trying to kill me.

  106. Last week, one hit my hand as I was carrying the Total Wine bag. I screamed and nearly dropped the Evan.

  107. It usually about 5 years Cyn. I got 6 out of my last one. The sub zero mornings this winter killed it.

    It was close to zero and snowing like a mofo when I changed that out.

  108. Cyn, what is that on the merry-go-round? A kangaroo?

  109. I thought it was “Shocked-faced” Jewstin.

  110. Five years seems really good. I think we usually do 3 years on a 5 year, and we’re grateful.

  111. It looked like a squirrel to me too.

  112. The water line is repaired, the new toilet has a new wax ring, and where the hell did my weekend go?

  113. Don’t drop the Evan!!!

  114. Today I worked 9 pallets of books and 2 pallets of DVD/Bluray. Only had a 1/2 pallet of Overstock. Only 10 pallets in the steel to be worked for me to catch up. 2 are New Release, so I’m chill. I’ve dropped one pant size in the week I’ve been merchandising.

  115. Lippy, it was the day before our anniversary. Dan told me if I had dropped it, we wouldn’t have made 24.

  116. BTW “It’s not the color, it’s the crazy”. Really? Really, Pups? AYTTM? DeNiro’d/

  117. Looks like I may drop a pantsize if my guts keep rebelling. I feel better if I don’t eat.
    I almost had a compos moment through the mountains yesterday.

  118. Lippy, the other day I grabbed a Pittsburgh Pirates Clemente tee. Put it on. Came out to the living room, Dan is wearing a Steelers tee. He made me change. He H8S people and thought that “Strangers” would think we were from PA.

  119. Mountains? I thought you lived in MO?

  120. As much as I am loathe to admit this, breaker bar worked great.

    Which allowed me to later discover that the auto parts store have me the wrong rotors.

    But all issues have been resolved, wiserdaughter’s car has new front brakes and rotors and Corona has now been opened.

    Thanks for the assist, guys.

  121. Wiser, did you play softball first?

  122. >>>>Wiser, did you play softball first?

    Yeah. We lost pretty badly. But it was a beautiful day

  123. Breaker bars are also good for dispatching opossums.

  124. I am sorry about your tummy beasn. Is there a med or a supplement that might help?

    Also, I just got home from Houston. Wow, that was funs. Including having lunch with Mrs. Peel and Will, and meeting their darling baby boy for the first time. That kid is ten kinds of awesome cute.

  125. Did you top off the brake fluid when you were done? I always forget that.

  126. Wiser, is it competitive, or do you guys just play for “Fun”?

  127. Work sucked. No one is home. I smoked some salmon, and now it’s cocktail and debriefing time.

  128. Beasn, is it the allergies churning lung butter that is going to your tummy, that is making you sick?

  129. >>>Did you top off the brake fluid when you were done?

    It actually overflowed, so it’s all good.

    Oso, all but one of the teams are pretty equally matched and it’s both fun and competitive. The team we lost to today should not be in this league. Team full of steroid-fueled muscle heads who are just there to crush everyone else.

    I suggested to our coach that get convince all of the other coaches to just not show up for games against them. Why wake up early just to down there to be humiliated.

    The guy who runs the league has tried to address the situation, but he’s a coward. So I think if we all just agree to not show up, they’ll quit.

  130. Dave… Pics of baby Aaron?

    Are they doing well? Miss Mrs. Peel. She was the cutest thing ever.

  131. Didn’t take any pics, should have. They are doing well, the little guy was all talking and giggles and a queso and chip eating machine. When I left he shook my hand which was like “awwwwww”.

    And she is still the cutest thing ever.

  132. No pics?!!

    This is going to have to be written-up.

  133. My brother used to play in a Las Vegas basketball league that had a team made up of former UNLV players. They would play like Tark was still the coach. Other teams got tired of being “pressed” and “Half-courted”. Quit the league. My brother actually started playing in a Co-Ed soccer league. This was when we knew he was ghey. He watches PAC12 chick softball. He watches Premier League. He even watches WNBA.

  134. >>>Didn’t take any pics,

    What is your major fucking malfunction?

  135. Good day, assorted weirdos.

  136. >>>He even watches WNBA.

    in theory, not a bad idea.

    In reality? {{{{{{{{shudder}}}}}}}}

  137. No idea who Mrs Peel is, but are we all in agreement that DiT is a fuck up?

  138. >>>Good day, assorted weirdos.

    Speaking of major malfunctions….

    HI SHAWN!!!!

  139. WE ARE OUT OF PAPER TOWELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  140. >>>No idea who Mrs Peel is, but are we all in agreement that DiT is a fuck up?

    Mrs. Peel is an original Moron, from back when a long thread at Ace’s ran about 50 or so comments.

    And yeah, I doubt anyone is gonna disagree with your supposition.

  141. >>>WE ARE OUT OF PAPER TOWELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    DAM YOU, OBAMA!!!!!!

  142. >> What is your major fucking malfunction?

    well, privacy respect mostly. Although I am talking about it so you can ding me for that.

    What a cute kid. Aaron too

  143. Nuh unh – Peelie would have been cool with a pic if we put it in POL. I’m sure of it!

  144. Mrs. Peel is our *other* genuine NASA rocketchick.

  145. Sitting on the porch, drinking a cocktail….

    Two little girls from next door are out playing.

    They stop, wave and say in unison “HI STEVE!!”

    So cute!

  146. And our first Moron to Moron wedding.

  147. >>>WE ARE OUT OF PAPER TOWELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    what difference, at this point, does it make?

  148. They stop, wave and say in unison “HI STEVE!!”

    Did you correct them and tell them your name is Richard?

  149. My WNBA rant. My Dad was all “Pistol Pete” & “Big O” and blah blah blah “Traveling”. We used to call him “Bob Cousy” because he played “Ground Ball” and “Chest Shot” basketball. He would go on and on about Jordan being over-rated and how he wouldn’t be shit if he played by the rules. Called my Dad “Naismith Peachbasket”. My Dad was a huge fan of the WNBA. I think he was ghey too. (May not make sense to non-sports fans. AKA regular people)

  150. Weren’t Peel and Weel the first Moron Marriage?

  151. >>>Did you correct them and tell them your name is Richard?

    They’re kids. Which means that, by definition, they’re stupid.

    I just wave and smile….

  152. Speaking of major malfunctions….

    HI SHAWN!!!!

    I bet you thought that would provoke me into calling you a DIRTY MOTHERFUCKER or something, right?

    Nope. Not this time.

  153. I think beasn’s thumb and a guinea pig’s ass was the first moron marriage but I could be wrong about that.

  154. I just wave and smile….

    The Parade Wave

  155. Yep. Mrs Peel can be found on Twitter. Weel shows up here a wee bit less often than Rosie.

  156. Hiya, Rosetta – what’s shaking

  157. Pipe down bucco.

  158. We had chalk in our garage that our kids never got around to using. So I gave it to the girls. They loved it and had so much fun.

    A few weeks back, they asked if we had more chalk. “Sorry, girls, but no.”

    They were so sad.

    So I bought more chalk for them. They were ecstatic. They have been drawing pictures all over our cul de sac. And they have thanked me repeatedly.

    The littlest one said “why did you buy us more chalk?”

    I said “are you having fun?”


    “That’s why I bought it for you.”

  159. Hiya, Rosetta – what’s shaking

    Hiya Cyn – the only thing shaking over here is my liver. What’s up witchu.

  160. I said “are you having fun?”


    “That’s why I bought it for you.”

    Who are you and what have you done with the real wiser?!

  161. You should buy them crack next. Or meth. That’s what all the kids are doing now, right?

  162. *sends in Amber Alert for girls in wiserbud’s neighborhood*

  163. So….wiser is the creepy guy on the block. Got it.

  164. I was going to make a “Creepy Neighbor” joke about Wiserbud, but I can’t. That is a sweet story.

  165. Up with me is sitting on my ass at the moment. Cooked all morning, only burning off one of my fingers (but not for lack of trying).

    And I am pretty sure I found the best meat-up locations in the history of meat-ups this weekend.

  166. Stupid ASU home & home. / Stupid Sparky. Stupid Dan.

  167. “I think I’ve got some more chalk in the back..”

  168. Is there a dumpster?

  169. *tackles rosetta*

    *pulls his nostrils backwards over his very large misshapen head*

  170. Just taught the girls how to draw a duck with chalk.

    Interesting to see Rosetta suddenly appear after we were talking about someone else’s kid.

    Geeez…. Needy much?

  171. There are 5 or 6 10-year old girls in our neighborhood that come over to our place to play with Henry and the pigs a few times a week.

    They also eat my candy and squirt me with Daisy’s punishment squirt bottles. Everyone picks on the fat bald kid.

    The other day 4 of them came over right after Henry got out of the bath. He has a robe he wears after his bath that looks like Hugh Hefner’s smoking jacket.

    They were all in the den watching Frozen and Mrs. Rosetta and I looked in to check on them. The girls were dancing around and singing. Henry was sitting on the couch in his robe and he turned and looked at us with the biggest shit eating grin I’ve ever seen.

    It was hilarious.

    Henry, future pimp.

  172. He was here last night. We were discussing the epic-ness of Sharknado.

  173. >>>So….wiser is the creepy guy on the block. Got it.

    Actually, I’m the least creepy guy on my block.


    It’s a weird place…

  174. we’re gonna need a dumpster and some duct tape.

  175. I’m pretty sure yes.

  176. Actually, I’m the least creepy guy on my block.
    It’s a weird place…

    That’s an exceptionally frightening thought.

  177. “I think I’ve got some more chalk in the back..”


  178. Hahaha We want Henry pics!!!

  179. Hands up!

  180. If you have AIDS.

  181. I am due for a Henry and bulldog update. I’ll do that this week.

    It’s just me and the pigs until Wednesday night so I have time to post some crap and talk to you idiots for a change.

    *punches dave in the clitoris*

  182. Oso, I’m in CO.

    There is not a ton of snot and lungs are clear. This happens to me every spring. This one is worse.
    I’ve had 2oz of chickie/chickie, a small dinner roll, a gatorade, and 2 pretzels so far today. Not really hungry. The family are out hiking and I’m cooking some beef stew. The broth will be good.

    My nephew stayed back too. He sort of has the same problem …allergies, doesn’t feel well…though he is sucking snot. Also have to move him out of his room. It smells moldy.

  183. MJ, why isn’t your avatar the picture of Bert fisting Ernie?

    I’m disappointed in you.

  184. Each week it seems, the PGA tournament goes to a playoff.

    Somebody will pull off a miraculous shot on the 18th to force a sudden death playoff.

    Golf is fixed.

    The guys in the blimp are dropping balls on the green.

  185. Scott, do you play golf?

  186. You perverts can ruin everything….

    *storms off to “special room” and slams door

  187. Tiger is still out with injury. Have to keep ratings up. I have a nice tin foil hat with viking horns.

  188. Beasn, have you tried Clariton?

  189. And you know what I hate? The toilet seat is not bolted down tight enough. You wipe and slide.

    *squirts rosie in the face*


  190. >>>The guys in the blimp are dropping balls on the green.

    I vaguely remember doing time for that….

  191. Good job, Scott. You pissed off wiserbud.

  192. Rosetta, I like to golf when I have the time and money.

    In other words, no.

  193. Scott, I can’t take antihistamines. I was on Zyrtec for two years and it messed me up. Didn’t totally help the guts either.

  194. Beasn, you just have to tighten the plastic screws on the toilet seat you jackass.

    Even I can do that without fucking it up. Sometimes.

  195. >>>MJ, why isn’t your avatar the picture of Bert fisting Ernie?

    Wow, you have been gone for a while.

    MJ has already clarified that he was “Ernie” in those pics.

    Photoshop has ruined us.


  196. My Ham & Cheddar lunchables have =cracker+ham+ cheddar. My Turkey & Cheddar lunchables always have 1 more turkey than cracker or cheddar. ALWAYS!!!

  197. Dam it! DINNERTIME!

  198. In theory I think I would enjoy playing golf.

  199. The husband thought he would bring in the breeze by opening the window in our room, placing a fan in the door, and opening the doors down here.
    I’m not sure but I’m thinking he’s trying to kill me.

  200. Even I can do that without fucking it up. Sometimes.


  201. Alice from Brady Bunch passed away today. Bcoch and Leon may be too young.

  202. Where in CO, Beasnesesess?

  203. I was thinking about this the other day. Remember when we used to comment before you could link a video or some photoshopped picture of something stupid?

    How was that funny?

  204. Rosetta, that would require me to touch the toilet on which many other asses have shat. No. I’ll just slide and complain to the guy who owns it.

  205. Too lazy to link. Still just a commenter. Goes to IB to check in.

  206. RIP Alice.

    Yo though you walk through the valley of death;
    You are now with the Shepard and his sheep.
    Enjoy your rest although it’s probably not as good;
    As when Sam the butcher brought you his meat.


  207. Beasn, does your toilet have wood shavings in it rather than water?

    *runs away to feed bulldogs*

  208. Hahaha

  209. Wow, NOVA on PBS this week is looking at DDay, and the ships sunk in the English Channel. They take veterans down in submarines to see their ships.

    Catch it if you can. It’s really good.

    Just saw a guy looking for his CO’s grave in the US cemetary. Very moving.

  210. J’ames watches PBS? Do you listen to NPR, too? Wear Obama jambes?

  211. CRAP! Jammies! Who TF says “Jambes”?

  212. How was that funny?

    1. Something something something
    b. Your mom
    iii. Profit!

  213. No one actually enjoys playing golf.

  214. I didn’t know Jay was a communist.

  215. MJ, why isn’t your avatar the picture of Bert fisting Ernie?
    I’m disappointed in you.
    You can’t see Bert’s left hand can you?

  216. Anyone here have World Cup fever?



  217. Am I supposed to include MJ with the youngsters?

  218. My BiL enjoys golf. I think it’s partly why he’s remained married to my sister so long.

  219. My Coke Zero cans have World Cup fever. Other than my ghey brother and possibly Car in, nope.

  220. Am I supposed to include MJ with the youngsters?
    No. I’ve realized I’m old as shit.

  221. Jay, I was watching that on Memorial Day. Really good stuff.

  222. Whew!

  223. Obama jambees with feet, slick plastic on the bottom.

  224. Can’t believe I’m discussing the architecture of the Brady Bunch home on FB.

  225. J’ames, butt flap?

  226. I feel better if I don’t eat.
    I almost had a compos moment through the mountains yesterday.

    There are a lot of days I just can’t eat too, Beasn, so I sympathize. Also:

    There is an IB post that I can’t find that tells of my time in a van in New Zealand where I was about to have to have the van stopped for a Compos-style emergency. Long story short, we got to some place with Port-a-Potties, which was a huge blessing. I sprinted (as much as you can with your ass clenched) to one. My dad was waiting with his camera and laughing when I emerged. Good ol’ Dad.

  227. Hah, this old Tommie soldier still has the map he carried that day.

    Very cool.

  228. Bert’s right-handed, MJ.

    Don’t try and bullshit me.

  229. I’ve played a little golf, but it’s more fun to drive the cart that has a cooler full of champagne in the back and be the drink pourer.

  230. Champagne with golf?

    And you’re calling me a communist?

  231. Champagne?


  232. Lippy!!! I remember that IB story!!!

  233. Bert’s right-handed, MJ.
    Don’t try and bullshit me.
    You don’t know shit about ambi-fisting.

  234. One of the guys I used to golf with rolled a cart. He lost another in a pond.

    I didn’t let him drive much.

  235. Ambifistrious?

    Meh they’re fucking puppets. Their entire life is one big fisting session.

    Much like wiserbud’s.

  236. So, Wiser, you were keen for more Breaking Bad? Just saw an ad for this on Univision:

  237. Daisy just barfed on the patio and she just left it.

    Aren’t dogs supposed to eat their own barf?

    She’s potentially retarded. Someone get over here and clean this up.

  238. I’m going to have to watch the adventures of Walter Blanco now.

    I bet Skyler is way hotter in this version.

  239. Hahaha My Divas don’t eat poop or barf.

  240. Maybe Daisy made that as a present for you. Did you ever think about that?!1?!

  241. Anyone here have World Cup fever?

    I don’t fuck Third World prostitutes, so no.

  242. I was able to take a picture of the barf on my iPad. How do I link that in a comment?

  243. She’s an artist.

  244. Just saw a guy looking for his CO’s grave in the US cemetary. Very moving.

    More about Dad: he is the luckiest guy, or the guy that has the most serendipitous things happen to him. All over the world he just happens to be sitting next to someone in a bar or restaurant who knows someone he knows — that sort of thing.

    So he’s at the American cemetery in Normandy and strolls two rows in and finds the grave of someone whose family he knows. It was nice because he was able to take a picture to give to the family.

  245. Divas don’t clean up their own barf.

  246. I was able to take a picture of the barf on my iPad. How do I link that in a comment?

    I have absolutely no idea. Nope. None.

  247. Hey people, this isn’t going to clean itself up.

  248. That’s amazing, Lipstick.

  249. That didn’t work did it?

  250. Lippy, I love that. Your Dad is Kevin Bacon!!!

  251. Nope. It didn’t work. BTW I’m chatting with PEEJ and Baldilocks on FB!!!

  252. J-Lo eats her own barf

  253. She’s an artist. A barfist

  254. Hey you sons of bitches, clean this up.

  255. I don’t fuck Third World prostitutes, so no.

    Is it the disease risk, or do you have trouble negotiating price?

  256. Barfisterer

  257. Ha ha, Kevin Bacon! True.

  258. If you can eat Rican cuchifritos, you can eat barf

    Just sayin’


  260. That’s what happens when you give your dog pepperoni.

  261. My Dad used to know “EVERYBODY” So, annoying. Met a girl in 4th grade. My Dad wanted to know if he knew her family. Mom from Ireland. Step-Dad was most recently in the PI. I was like “No, you don’t know him”. FFS they grew up on the same street in Newark, OH.

  262. I thought the driveway needed some minor patch work and a seal coat. Seems it will be more than that. WTF is an infrared patch? All I know is that after it is done, I will have to apply a patch to my pockets.

  263. Mom! Tushar is talking in code about smoking crack!!!

  264. Lipstick, what was the date of your trip? Did you try searching the archives for that month?

  265. Is it the disease risk, or do you have trouble negotiating price?

    Why it gots to be an either/or thing?

  266. Never mind, Google found it.

  267. Rosetta, when I next meat you, I am going to write 2048 on a baseball bat and beat you with it.

  268. Has anyone told Peej about the meatup in September? It’s close to her this time –

  269. Rosetta, when I next meat you, I am going to write 2048 on a baseball bat and beat you with it.

    PFFFT! Hilarious. Everybody knows that when you and Rosie are reunited you’re going to hug and squeeze each other as if you were both covered with tits.

  270. Tell Mare too.

  271. Rosetta, when I next meat you, I am going to write 2048 on a baseball bat and beat you with it.

    Hahahahahahahaha! You’re pretty funny for a tech support guy.

    What’s the highest tile you’ve gotten to?

    I can’t get past 1024. And check out the high scores. Some douchebag apparently got to tile 127999872 which must have involved some computer program or something.

    I have the game saved in favorites under the name “crack”.

    I hate it.

  272. Scott, last year’s Texas meatup was less than an hour drive for Mare. She did not show up. We will end up meeting every lurker before any of us meet her.

  273. We’ll if it isn’t my nemesis Humpty the Tranny.

  274. Rose, I can get to 1024 very easily, but have yet to manage 2048. I just run out of empty spaces.

  275. I’ve met Mare probably six or seven times in the Niagara Falls area.


    Goddammit. People are gonna talk.

  277. I told her. Inlandia isn’t always responsive.

  278. I mean, it’s technically ‘real,’ it just doesn’t function. Like yours.

  279. I guess most of us have met at least one other person. I think Pepe, TexasJew, Jewstin, BCoch, Jam2 and Colorado Alex have not met anyone.

  280. Tushar, I’ve found that I do better after a few cocktails. And meth.

    I’ll go to bed at 11pm and play that fucker and before I know it it’s 1am.

    I may sue whoever invented that.

  281. I’ve met CoAlex.

  282. Inlandia isn’t always responsive.

    I seem to have lost my code book again.

  283. I’ve met Cyn. 2 degrees of separation.

  284. She pretends that she lives in San Diego. As XB says, she’s closer to Yuma.

  285. Mare drove right past my house once. Didn’t even slow down to throw any eggs or anything.

  286. Tushar, it’s not nice to insult those losers.

  287. Mom, lauraw has a penis!!!


    Goddammit. People are gonna talk.

    Not if the price is right.

  289. Yuma?! I can make that in about 90 minutes.
    I’m not exactly legal when I do exactly, but I can and I have.

  290. I’m going to go watch a good movie to cleanse my palate of that Promethius dung heap.


    *throws hammer at Laura’s head, breaks hammer*

  291. I’m giving her the full court press on FB. (A bunch of friends are getting together in Austin. Same wknd as NOVAMOME, or whatever Bcoch is calling the Moron Meatup. Getting the full court press)

  292. I’m watching The Crazies on SyFy. It’s not as bad as I expected.

  293. Big Trouble in Little China is on.

  294. I’m going to go watch a good movie to cleanse my palate of that Promethius dung heap.

    “We’ve secretly replaced Rosie’s good movie with a copy of ‘Sucker Punch.’ Let’s watch…”

  295. Hahaha Sean

  296. You people on FaceChimp have already seen this one:

  297. She’s getting so very big, MCPO… awwww.

  298. Chief, that little bug is growing too fast.

  299. She’s still the cutest chica EVER!!!!

  300. Awwwww. My dad used to read me that book when I was a little girl.

  301. SeanM – Last week?

  302. Rosetta is watching the movie right now.

  303. The Very Hungry Caterpillarnado, coming soon to SyFy.

  304. Passive aggressive Dan is being passive aggressive. Who wouldn’t let their wife fly to Austin and share a room with guys she’s known for 40 years? He’s met both Scott and Chip. He liked them. Chip even offered to give up his room to Dan and I and share with Scott. Said I could fly into Dallas and ride down with him, if Dan doesn’t want to go. Still in negotiation. Stupid Astros and Rangers are both out of town.

  305. Has SyFy done a Hungry Hungry Hippoes movie yet?

  306. The Very Hungry Human Centipede – An Adult Swim Special Presentation.

  307. D-Bags are out of town the first weekend in Sept, so no trip to Chase during the meat.

  308. Lipstick, what was the date of your trip? Did you try searching the archives for that month?

    Holy Crap, you found it! I searched “Lipstick New Zealand”, and all sorts of combinations. Good work and many thanks.

  309. Sean, welcome to my world. We were trying to finagle a D-bag/Reds wknd…but nooooo!!! Dan had 3 grocery employees quit.

  310. They were probably attacked by grasshoppers.

  311. My Uncle Lefty lost his right leg to grasshoppers.

  312. Hahaha. Freezer guy was offered a job at Costco. 2$ more an hour. Hours cut to 16 a wk. FU freezer guy. FU MFM that runs stories about Costco.

  313. DG is so adorable!

    There is a “Very Hungry Zombie” parody book out there :-D

  314. Grocery guy has 2 kids with baby mama. He said he was on break. Couldn’t be found on digital after leaving building to smoke. 45 minutes. Got pissed and walked off job. Disrespected. 3rd employee quit, because he was expected to do Freezer and Grocery.

  315. Chief, what a darling little ladybug! She already knows how to sit and position her legs perfectly. How do random strangers not pick her up and hug her?

  316. I am posting a freaky link. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

  317. MCPO, please email me that pic of your granddaughter so I can share with the Mrs. If you have a recent one of her and you please send that over too.

    To the old gmail address please.

    Thanks old man!

  318. Oso, Freezer and Grocery?! He is disrespected too!

    Seriously, where did this concept of “I deserve respect!” come from? “I deserve respect from strangers even though I have likely done nothing to earn it”.


  319. Eeeewww.

  320. LD, sometimes at my side job I have to listen to temp workers bitching about their jobs, within one week of their being hired.

    It’s fucking infuriating. I can’t get a word in edgewise!

  321. Some of us who have earned respect don’t get it.

    It all evens out.

  322. >>MCPO, please email me that pic of your granddaughter so I can share with the Mrs.

    Ha ha! In 1950s India, this would have been considered the first tentative steps in an arranged marriage proposal.

  323. End of the World on SyFy is pretty funny.

  324. Dan is still waiting for someone to supervise in Grocery. Produce is still chugging along. Dan gets paid an extra $ per hour for working Sundays. Grandfathered. Usually scheduled off on Sunday. PROFIT!!! Max-schedular doesn’t schedule any lift-driver’s on Sunday. Dan has to come in to work and drive.

  325. I’ve been in position for 1 week. Already training floor associates.

  326. What position, Oso?


  327. Hahaha Book/Entertainment/Center Associate. FT

  328. Awesome link, especially if you like Football.

  329. That’s better than I was imagining, i guess.

  330. Tushar, my grandparents on both sides of my family were arranged marriages. One was a very bad match and worked anyway. The other was indifferent and worked anyway.

  331. Retail speak

  332. But of course, back then, nobody had Hollywood dreams of what marriage to that One Special Person would be like. Everybody figured they would have to do their best with whatever they go.

  333. Rant. My niece graduated today. After 2 wks of back and forth with my bro and bitch x SIL, we got an invite on Friday. Bitch x SILs handwriting. My bro’s kids couldn’t be bothered to visit my Mom when she was in the VA for 10 1/2 mos. Barely made it to AZ from LV when my Dad was dying. I think a card with no gift or money is OK. Dan wants me to ignore the graduation, the way my niece ignores my Mom.

  334. My grandparents on my Mom’s side got married during the depression. Her family had sheep and cattle. His family had apple orchards and vegetable gardens. He said she had meat boils and he had veggie farts. Claimed they married for a balanced diet.

  335. Oso, I didn’t know you were reading IB back in ’09.

  336. I lurked from the beginning.

  337. My biggest regret is not de-lurking in time to be friends with PattyAnn.

  338. hmmm, what was the 2 week back and forth about? And a card should be sent in return for the invitation, but no moola!

    –Miss Manners

  339. Soulmates are a scam.

  340. Wed, July 30.

    Sharknado 2: The Second One

  341. gift suggestion for your special someone:

  342. Funny/creepy but not freaky.

  343. I lurked from the beginning. Really? You should have joined in — you’re fun!

  344. They wanted the familia address PDF. Over 300 family members in one file. I thought the inquiry was mercenary. Directed to my Uncle. Dan gets tired of me stepping in and fixing everything for my brother. Ended up by getting my bitch x SIL in touch with my Uncle.

  345. jam, that’s yucky. Let’s get a list of the subscribers and sell them to marketers who want gullible targets.

  346. Did anybody discover the secret passage to anybody else’s laboratory today?

  347. Oh I see — they wanted to send announcements to everybody in order to rake in the cash. If SIL didn’t have the addresses then she wasn’t particularly close to whoever. Screw her, IMO.

  348. Ding! Ding! Ding! None of the extended familia has seen my brother’s kids since 2007. They went to a trendy wedding in Scottsdale.

  349. My bro was tasked to get the addresses from me. I steered him to cousins that had the most recent list. He still wanted me to get it. Bitch X SIL friended me on FB to get the addresses. I steered her to my Uncle. I don’t even really know his kids. Still making baby steps towards any type of relationship after the way she treated my dad. My brother and I didn’t speak for 11 years.

  350. *sends resume to owl lady*

  351. Did anybody discover the secret passage to anybody else’s laboratory today?

    What have you heard?

  352. ISO, did freezer guy get cut to 16 hours before or after being hired at Costco?

  353. Did anybody discover the secret passage to anybody else’s laboratory today?

    My daily surveillance review suggests no one found mine yet.

  354. My baby loves the hanky-panky. . .

  355. Check out the incredibly racist t-shirt I’m wearing right now:

  356. He was getting 30 at Sam’s. Took the job at Costco for $2 more. Didn’t know that Costco was infamous for paying $$ for PT. Tried to come back to Sam’s. See ya!!! We went through the same thing at Target when Costco moved to the Westside. Lost quite a few team members. They thought they were in high cotton. Did the math. Tried to come back to Target.

  357. Math iz hard.

  358. Sean – Does the back read: “Home of the SCOAMF”?

  359. Hey, pretty baby, can I take you home?

  360. Oh, the faux friending cause she wants something, Ha, of course you saw through that, probably yelling “I see through you, bitch!” Or would that be me? eh, I imagine it would have been the same for you too.

    I steered him to cousins that had the most recent list. He still wanted me to get it. That was HIS job, not yours. arrgh, I can see why Dan wants you to steer clear. . . My blood pressure is increasing

  361. erg, that was to Oso.

  362. Looper sucked, because time travel always sucks.

  363. Sean – Does the back read: “Home of the SCOAMF”?

    You don’t understand how dogwhistles work, do you?

  364. Time travel sounds like a kick in the pants. I’d do it in a minute.

  365. Time travel fiction almost always sucks, because they let time change. Often very stupidly.

    Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure had better internal consistency than Looper.

  366. So did Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey.

  367. What’s wrong with time change? Isn’t that why you’d go back?

  368. Careful, Cyn, or you’ll become your own Grandma.

  369. My grandma rokked

  370. I think I’d like to be 20 again. Not a care in the world.

  371. If time can be altered, internal consistency in the movie always goes to shit. There’ll be some plot point that never should have happened because it couldn’t have.

    Back to the Future III for instance. Marty arrives in 1885 to meet Doc Brown. Younger Doc Brown fixed the time machine and sent him there from 1955.

    Doc Brown in 1885 asks him why he’s there.


  372. Time travel would rock.
    I’d go back 40 years and buy 1,000 shares of Microsoft.
    As it is, I have only 1,000, now..
    The dividends are nice, but with how many times it has split, I would be RICH, RICH, I tell you!
    So it goes…

  373. Younger Doc Brown sent Marty after learning how he dies in 1885. He learned EXACTLY how he dies in 1885. WHY DIDN’T THAT CHANGE IT?

  374. Duuuuuude, you’re supposed to suspend disbelief when you watch movies… no maths allowed.

  375. And that’s why I hate time travel fiction. I can suspend disbelief if there’s internal consistency.

    There wasn’t any. Doc Brown survives the Libyans in the first movie because Marty tells him it’s coming in a letter. 2 movies later that doesn’t work. Because FU that’s why.

  376. L to R: Leon, Movies

  377. MMM at 605am. Did you know we had no misogyny category?

    I fixed that.


  378. The mall from Back To The Future where the Libyans kill Doc Brown is actually right down the street from where I am right now. I remember my dad driving by it waaaaaay back when they were filming and saying “When did they change the name of the mall to ‘Twin Pines’?”

  379. Binders and binders of trannies woo hoo!

    Nighty dreams, Leon.

  380. You probably see a ton of filming going on, Sean. Anything recent?

  381. If you believe in heaven and hell as I do, have you ever considered that maybe this is hell?

    All the challenges, heartache, disappointments and total tragedies.

    What if the way we react to and handle those determines if we go to heaven or if we stay here?


  382. Not in my immediate area. Also, not super recent. A lot of productions have moved out of state because they give better tax advantages elsewhere. Last thing I can recall anywhere really near me was part of Serenity, which was filmed at a local high school.

  383. Sean, have you seen a huge drop off in pornos filmed at your house because of the new condom law?

  384. Do they have La-Z-Boy’s in heaven?

  385. There hasn’t been a single porno filmed at my house since that damn law took effect.

    On a completely unrelated note, will 37 cases of booty lube spoil if you don’t use it?

  386. I used to see film crews all the time when I was working downtown in Chicago. My office was right on LaSalle, and it was an almost iconic shot to shoot a frame looking south on LaSalle, at the Board of Trade.

  387. I watched The Devil in Ms. Tank the other day and I swore that I saw xbrad listed in the credits as a Penis Grip.

  388. Watching Cosmos’ big ZOMG GLOBAL WARMING IS GOING TO KILL US!!!! episode at work right now because we don’t have cable here and I’m a glutton for punishment.

  389. Wow, Sean, you are a glutton for punishment. I didn’t even make it 1/4 the way through its initial episode before I gave up on it.

  390. OTOH, Longmire fires back up again Monday night on A&E!

  391. OTOH, Longmire fires back up again Monday night on A&E!

    Oh please no spoilers. I am watching it on Netflix one season late.

  392. The dog dies at the end.

  393. Fuck! You bastard, Xbrad!

  394. Unrelated off topic Music Review.
    I am a fan of guitar gods. Thanks to many suggestions here I have many Joe Bonamassa cd’s. 17 disks and over 200 mp3’s. I recently purchased the newest live in London set that is a 2 disk set of Hammersmith Apollo, Shepherds Bush Empire, and the Borderline.
    All 3 double disks start with Albion that is new. And mix in many old favorites.

    I like live albums because they may contain improvisations, improvements and just plain jams.

    Unfortunately all of the new stuff is the same. The old familiar stuff is likewise the same. There was no improve’s and no jams. It was Joe playing (good stuff) but the same stuff.

    John Henry, you have heard it before it is the same. Do you wish to blow $$$o it? Likewise Sloe Gin, Driving towards Daylight, Dislocated Boy, Dust Bowl,Spanish Boots, (move over Beck), Are you Experienced? Jimmy Hendrix cover. Wiser? Wiser? Burning Hell, Slow Train,So its Lie That, Midnight Blues, (Gary Moore)

    I could go on but there were many covers (Wiser) and many duplicates. And not much original music, nor were there many improvisations.
    Unless you are a major fan one would be better off purchasing one of the 3 that contains your favorites and new work.
    Because well they are all so similar with new played the same and old played the same.

    That is my opinion. Carry on.

  395. In other words the subtle differences may grow on me, but as yet I am regretting a refund of 3/4 of my money.

  396. Checks my DVR
    Thanks Clint!

    Hi Lipps!

  397. I killed it

  398. That kinda sucks, Vman. Were they mostly recorded during the same tour or something?

  399. Hi V-max!

  400. Friends say it’s fine
    Friends say it’s good
    Everybody says it’s just like Robin Hood
    Fly like a plane
    Drive like a car
    Derp like a hound
    Babe I’m gonna be your man

  401. I was googling for ‘how to remove built up dirt on concrete’. Before I could type concrete, google suggested skin.
    I clicked, and the first link was: ‘how do I remove 12 years of dirt from my skin’
    Proceed to click only if you are a masochist.

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