A Path to Oblivion

Shall I put up a poat with pictures from TheChive?

Well alrighty then.  Good times at the beach.

*faint sound of car horn*

*activate parental concern*

 

Nice float, Mundane.

Go on and have the best Saturday ever!

406 Comments

  1. Wish I was at Porkapalooza.

  2. you and me broseph

  3. That reminds me, I need to thaw something.

  4. Did yesterday’s model look exceptionally slutty or was it just me?

  5. She looked slutty and jail baity

  6. She looked a little slutty.

  7. They won’t all look like Erica Campbell. It should be noted that she’s actually slutty, she just manages not to look like it,

  8. I have to wake up the lawnmower today.

  9. She was a bit of a tramp. NTTAWWT.

  10. Nice carpet Jewstin:

    http://tinyurl.com/lk3or6t

  11. I can’t believe I have to cut the lawn.

    WINTER IS OVER!!!!!!

  12. Double shift. Not a “double” double of course. Just 10 hours or so on my feet with absolutely no break.

  13. Flying Pupster

    http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap140429.html

  14. Our lawn needs it, but we aren’t going to get a day without rain until maybe Tuesday. I may take some time off to mow that afternoon if it’s dry.

  15. I might be able to mow tomorrow. That would be preferable.

  16. Leon, if you have a big enough yard, think goats or sheep. They will convert the grass into high protein paleo food.

  17. Cloudy, overcast and windy, threatening rain here in Oh HI oH. We shall mow.

  18. Why can’t animated GIFs be used as desktop backgrounds. This would make an ideal one.

  19. Tushar, I’ve considered it. There’re two sheep farms on my road within walking distance. If I ever get laid off we’ll be food independent within a couple of months.

  20. I’ve often wondered the same thing Tushar.

    Using powder-ass-diaper-man would be a stretch though.

  21. This resume trick is interesting. I am wondering if it will work, though.

  22. >>Using powder-ass-diaper-man would be a stretch though.

    Just a bit of stretch, but not much.

  23. G’morning peeps.

  24. Tushar, I wonder what buzzwords would work best?

    Also, glad your son is okay and that those responsible were suitably rattled. When he was 4, Rocketboy decided that he was not done playing on the playground, so he did not follow the daycare class back inside, and the two teachers did not notice or do a headcount. He then discovered that he was locked out of the building. He climbed two fences to get to another door where someone heard him knocking and let him in. Still makes me feel like throwing up when I think of what could have happened with a four-year-old loose on a 38,000 acre arsenal.

  25. Hadoop is a good buzzword this month. Use that.

  26. Shrimp omelettes this morning. So far, this day kicks ass.

  27. Watching the news this morning and wishing the grown-ups were back in charge.

  28. Rule 34

  29. Putin’s got the upper hand; he can squeeze the EU with his oil exports just by threats. He’s a major oil supplier to the EU.

    That’ll kick up oil prices significantly.

    Merkel knows this and that’s what this meeting is all about

  30. Some trenchant political analysis from my dad:

    Putin’s got Obama so scared he doesn’t know whether to shit or go blind.

  31. TJ, in addition to oil, the natural gas is the big worry. You can switch oil suppliers (costly but doable). You cannot change NG suppliers that fast. EU and Russia are tied together by energy. Russia acts as if it is a one way street. It is not. But EU does not have what it takes to call his bluff. He knows that.

  32. Tushar

    Norway and Qatar can replace much of Europe’s NG; oil is another issue.

    When Merkel stupidly shut down Germany’s Nuke plants and cut off its coal power plants, just to placate the idiot Green Party, she left Germany vulnerable to this nightmare scenario.

  33. Wish Israel could sell Europe some of that natural gas they have discovered. But that’s probably years away, eh TJ?

  34. Owebama’s an idiot of course, but I don’t know what W could do right now.

    The Europeans ( Norway excepted) are frightened.

  35. Didn’t Merkel have to placate the Green party because they were part of her coalition?

    Three Mile Island really screwed things up, combined with that stupid movie that came out that year. Nuclear can really be the answer for energy — or am I wrong? Admitting to ignorance here.

  36. No
    It’s about ready to be pipelined to Haifa
    There’s talk of setting up an LNG port as well.
    But those gas fields are large but not elephants, like Qatar’s or Russia’s.

  37. Nuclear still provides us with 20 percent of our electricity

    In CT, I believe that figure is around 50 percent
    Lets see the Libs shut down that Nuke Plant!

  38. 20%, wow, I would not have guessed.

  39. I think it’s the Yankee and Millstone nuke plants
    CT hostages can correct me

  40. >> Nuclear can really be the answer for energy — or am I wrong? Admitting to ignorance here.

    90% of France’s power is nuke.

  41. That figure has remained about the same since Three Mile Island even with very little growth
    Efficiency has increased
    Almost 50 percent is still from coal, as much as the Libs hate it.

  42. 90% of France’s power is nuke.

    So the environmentalists’ objections (dangerous!) to nuke power shows that their goal really is that we should go back to living in caves and stop reproducing.

    A non-polluting source of power is here. Can’t use it because well because. Nothing will please them.

  43. After Fukushima, Three Mile Island and (of course ) Chernobyl, the MSM gets everyone in a tizzy about Nukes

    Yet they have been out there for over 50 years, quietly cranking out the megawatts..

  44. The Yankee Plant shut down a few years ago.

    Millstone provides more than 45% of our electricity.
    Natural gas also provides more than 45%.

    Liberals around here will still tell you that those mercury filled light bulbs are OK, because they cut down on emissions from the coal burning power plants.

  45. There are legitimate safety and environmental concerns about nuke power.

    But as TJ notes, there’s also a shit-ton of overhyped panicky handwringing.

  46. The nice thing about enviroweenies is that if they ever get their wish, they’ll be the first to starve to death.

  47. I know thorium reactors are a *new* thing but haven’t read more about them. This article came up in a search:

    http://www.economist.com/news/science-and-technology/21600656-thorium-element-named-after-norse-god-thunder-may-soon-contribute

  48. You can never go wrong with Thor.

  49. UGH….LiV friend on faceass is celebrating that Seattle is the first to raise minimum wage to $15/hr.

    Surprisingly, the two people that commented, one being from Seattle, told her it was a very bad idea and gave accurate reasons why.

    I linked her a heritage.org article explaining things.

  50. Wiser’s on! His producer at least didn’t say “Dude” in the intro.

  51. Beassnss – you can’t fix stupid.

  52. >>Comment by Lipstick on May 3, 2014 11:05 am
    Wish Israel could sell Europe some of that natural gas they have discovered. But that’s probably years away, eh TJ?

    Jewgas? No self respecting Eurotard will buy that!

  53. TJ, India has second largest Thorium deposits after Aussies. Indian Govt started research and development into this a couple of decades back. I believe they have a couple of experimental plants online now, and should be ready for large scale rollout over the next few years. I hope they involve private sector to speed things up.

  54. Rainbow Thunderpaws!

  55. Pupster at good at staking out comfy spots.

    http://imgur.com/gallery/yKo17zf

  56. It’s kinda fun to hear Radiobud recount the stories he’s told here.

  57. What does Thorium do, Tushar?

  58. Ok, Jimbro’s link said everything I said and a lot more. I should have read that article before wasting pixels.

  59. Rainbow Thunderpaws!

  60. That would be a great name for a drink.

  61. >>Comment by Lipstick on May 3, 2014 12:18 pm
    What does Thorium do, Tushar?

    Besides being incredibly sexy? It can power a reactor just like Uranium, but without producing much bomb grade byproducts.
    Overall it is a better reactor fuel that Uranium.
    We have to understand that nuclear research did not start with electricity in mind. It was done with blowing shit up in mind. Uranium does that better, so research concentrated on that. Power plants were a byproduct.

    By the time Oak Ridge perfected a thorium reactor, three mile had cooled down enthusiasm for nuke power.

  62. Iran sez:

    We’re making nuclear power plants for electricity.

    Rats. Whatever shall we do with all this pesky plutonium?

  63. Thanks, Tushar. I wonder why Iran cannot use Thorium. hmmm.

    I mean, they just want nukes for peaceful purposes, right?

  64. Okay, that was funny…. “Hipster… Macbook Pro” HA!

  65. *Bumps paws with Jewstin*

  66. I think it would be nifty if Boussard Fusors became viable.

  67. *Shares peanut with Lippy*

  68. Thorium can be tricky
    The cooling system is salt and development ended years ago
    Pilot plants are not full scale power plants.
    Still, it’s worth a shot

  69. Lippy, if you ask the Iranian, they will try to convince you about how they cannot use Thorium. Something to do with dividing by zero, I presume.

  70. *nibbles on peanut. careful to only have half*

  71. The US also has huge Thorium deposits
    Black shales are often so rich in the Thorium that they are radioactive
    We use downhole gamma ray detectors to log our wells
    The Bakken Shales are hot as hell.

  72. I should clarify that they are not so hot as to be dangerous

  73. Now I’m curious about thorium in Wyoming. We have stupid amounts of uranium in Shirley Basin.

  74. It’s a sunny cool day, headed toward 80. Should I:

    __do work in the yard

    __screw off by the pool

    __not actual screwing SYWM

  75. Jewstin
    Colorado and Wyoming have a lot of Thorium along with the parent element Uranium

    I use an additional log for my wells, called the Spectralog
    It breaks down the radioactive components into radioactive Potassium 40, Uranium and Thorium
    Black shales tend to have quite a lot of each
    Here’s a picture of what these curves look like:

    http://tinyurl.com/lkk469z

  76. Pooooooooooooooooooooooooool

  77. I can always count on Cyn

  78. Thorium’s graph is purple. Thorium is gay.

  79. Cyn, I did not see the L at the end. I couldn’t understand the enthusiasm.

  80. HE IS NOT! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!

  81. THORium should be Cyn’s favorite element

    Except for that Radon gas problem thingee..

  82. Pooooooooooooooooooooing is a national past time.

  83. Cyn has a random gas problem?

  84. Pfffft. Radon-Schmadon. Thorium is hot!

  85. Cyn has a random gas problem?

    http://i.imgur.com/muTzdo9.gif

  86. I think I finally figured out how to fix the volume issue. Yeah me!

  87. Somebody tol me this is Babs’ anniversary.

    12 years or something. I don’t know, she’s so cute and young it’s hard to tell.

    HAPY DAY OH HATTY DAE

  88. I think I finally figured out how to fix the volume issue. Yeah me!

    I don’t believe you.

  89. Pink Floyd. Imma cut a bitch.

  90. Interesting stuff, TexasJ.

  91. Cyn ♥’s Lipstick

  92. >> Cyn ♥’s Lipstick

    hello ladies

  93. No for serious. There’s an editing feature in iMovie. You clicky, then the volume adjusts to the appropriate level. It went to 325%.

    That makes sense.

  94. Peanut butter cookie guy keeps smacking his lips

  95. Lippy (don’t know how to make heart symbol) loves Cyn!

  96. *laughs*

    Hello Dave

  97. Besides monitoring 13 lbs of deliciousness, I have done the dishes, gone to the gas station, bank, post office, liquor store, and grocery store.

    Now to kick that lawn mowers ass.

    You WILL start.

  98. HAHAHA

    <3 ♥ <3 ♥ <3 ♥ <3 ♥ <3 ♥ <3 ♥ <3 ♥

  99. *hands Scott the paddles*

    CLEAR!!!

  100. <3

  101. Well, that didn’t work

  102. Air show this weekend. A P-47 just did a low pass over my house (we’re close to the little muni airport). I might have gotten all tingly.

    Oh wait, that was because Lipstick said hello.

  103. Does it have gas in it?

    http://is.gd/o8e7wt

  104. ALT key plus 3 on the numberpad makes the ♥

  105. OK. So I pull the tarp off the lawnmower and a cat shoots out, leaving behind a handful of kittens.

    What do I do.

  106. don’t start the mower just yet

  107. Smoke ’em?

  108. Wiser Rant!

    *drinks*

  109. Scott – pics stat!

  110. They might be a good defense against voles. Feed them something beefy.

  111. Kittens! ♥

  112. Stupid cats.

  113. My 36″ levis are feeling droopy.

    OH.. the kittens.. You need to go get some cat food and milk for all the cats you just won

  114. The lawnmower has outsmarted you.

  115. Damn, great bumper music. ♥

  116. Comment by MJ on May 3, 2014 1:14 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmUhqRr1Or8&feature=youtu.be

    It worked! Good job!

  117. I keep forgetting about Saturday Wiser.. *downloads something*

  118. Bring the cat and kittens down to Rose Hope so wiser can give them away on air.

  119. Thanks sugar tits.

  120. Cookie!!!

  121. Scott do you have any antifreeze?

  122. How many friends does he have named Dave? THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT

  123. Momma better come back and get them.

  124. what if she don’t.

    you can’t kill them, you will want to, there will be intervention

  125. Voles.

  126. WHEN DOES LAURAW GET HOME????

    This is an important detail.

  127. Scott do you have any antifreeze?

    NOOOO!!

  128. MJ understands intervention.

  129. EDI FOR THE WIN

  130. You’re welcome, honeyballz

  131. She’ll be home for lunch soon.

  132. Purse Dog!

  133. Time to go to Home Depot

  134. Face Ripper!

    Mint Julep!

  135. In other pussy news, it looks like Lindsey Graham is going to win his primary

  136. The Muddler… who has that??

  137. don’t look at me HOLY SHIT A B-25 JUST BUZZED MY HOUSE.

    I can’t go around in public with this thing. Settle down boy, settle down

  138. Nice job on the show, MJ.

  139. Excellent work, Radiobud.

  140. I can’t go around in public with this thing. Settle down boy, settle down

    Hi.

  141. Yep, MJ is a good guest. Too short.

    The segment! The segment!

  142. DOTW video had great sound levels today.

    Can you go back and fix the old ones easily or is it too much hassle?

  143. >> Hi.

    NOT. HELPING.

  144. I can’t go around in public with this thing. Settle down boy, settle down

    Well, hello there.

  145. ice water for the win

  146. Waiter! Waiter! There’s an ice water in my fly!

  147. I did not mean to infer that Jewstien was ice water except I can go to Home Depot now

  148. Hahaha, Homophobe!!

  149. They sell wood at Home Depot

    Is that ghey?

  150. *Calling Gerry Spence*

    Hello?. . . Wait. What?. . . How much?!. . . Fuck off!

    You got off easy.

  151. *giggles at “got off”*

  152. Sparring day today. Lots of being whacked in the hands and face with a longsword and bowie knife, which means it was fun. Now I’m tired, sore and really want pancakes.

  153. Any source of energy has risks. Nukes have the risk of a meltdown. Coal plants may be “safer”, but coal mining is dangerous work and often environmentally damaging. Natural gas and oil require a lot of infrastructure to transport, etc etc etc.

    Anyone who believes that there is some mystical form of energy that is 100% clean and safe is a fool

  154. >>> being whacked in the hands and face with a longsword

    *snickers*

  155. MJ, the sound level is good, but sounded a tad echoey. A vast improvement nonetheless.

  156. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to come out of the remote and say “so get down there and get a dog. They’re delicious.”

  157. http://ctbrc.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/img_20140503_141524_310.jpg?w=1055

    I was expecting kittens and was momentarily horrified.

  158. “so get down there and get a dog. They’re delicious.”

    Booooo*!

    (*dammit, I laughed)

  159. Momma has been coming back for them.

    Looks like there is only one left.

    Whoop – di – do.

  160. But not as good as the stuffed cabbage from Ann’s Deli!!

  161. Wiser can’t get out of the radioguy shtick

  162. Kitten picture no?

  163. So, the smoking is going well?

    And, eating dog makes you sick. This I know.

    My boyfriend, an Egyptian friend and I drove from Alexandria to El Alemein and had “grilled meat” in a restaurant. Don’t do that.

    Seriously, don’t.

  164. Wiser can’t get out of the radioguy shtick

    *slaps myself to make it stop.

  165. Product placement FTW

    /Ad man

  166. No pics Cyn. I wanted to give Mom cat a chance to come back. She took off like a bat-outta-hell, and everyone is out cutting their lawns. She has to be pretty spooked right now.

  167. right about now.

  168. Nawww, I figured you were letting her get her babies undisturbed. You’re a good doobie.

  169. Comment by MJ on May 3, 2014 1:14 pm
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmUhqRr1Or8&feature=youtu.be

    No GND in a ginormous hat? Boo.

  170. Is wiser’s show link working for anyone else? I only get 852 bytes, and the player on the site doesn’t work either.

  171. >>>Is wiser’s show link working for anyone else?

    I may have fucked up the link. I’ll check.

  172. Fixed.

  173. Comment by Colorado Alex on May 3, 2014 2:35 pm
    Anyone who believes that there is some mystical form of energy that is 100% clean and safe is a fool
    ==========
    But solar power is the future and it’s free!

  174. Scott has gone to great lengths to not cut the grass.

  175. I went back to see if she came back for the last one

    We both arrived at the same time and she bolted again.

    4 hour kitten delay.

    Meanwhile, porkapotamus has stalled.

  176. You know what gets all up dave’s grille? Red white and blue.

  177. Scottw?

    http://is.gd/KNxMLb

  178. They look just like that, but smaller. I could probably get 3 or 4 of them in a blender.

  179. I am so glad I noticed them.

    Kitten puree would have made me sad.

  180. In case leon or other low carb/paleo folks walk by.

    I am thinking of making this, but using coconut flakes instead of stupid soy flour.

    http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/low-carb-deep-fried-onion-rings-recipe.html

  181. Wiserdaughter’s new boyfriend is joining us for dinner.

    He looks like Thor.

    I am not kidding.

  182. I think I just heard something explode out toward Arizona.

  183. Can I have him?

  184. Next door neighbor came over to “borrow” him to move a huge rock that her husband and two other guys couldn’t move, working together.

    He takes care of it in like a minute.

  185. >>>Can I have him?

    Once wiserdaughter breaks his heart, I’ll send you his number.

  186. I’ll try to figure out a non-creepy way to get a picture of him.

  187. 10 Paces, Jewstin; winner takes him.

  188. >>Once wiserdaughter breaks his heart, I’ll send you his number.

    No ‘IF’ there? Just a confident ‘Once’?

  189. You can have him, Cyn. He’ll be all pieces then. I’m looking for a whole boyfriend. With a trust fund.

  190. Want a kitten? We still have one.

  191. I’ll take those pieces, oh yes I will thankyouverymuch.

  192. I’ll try to figure out a non-creepy way to get a picture of him.
    —————————-
    This should be good.

  193. >>>Want a kitten? We still have one.

    No thanks. Got enough already.

  194. Did you happen to see where momma was taking the kittens? Maybe you could move kitteh kinda close to there?

  195. Want a kitten? We still have one.
    —————————
    What did lauraw name your new kitten? I vote for Rainbow Thunderpaws.

  196. >>>This should be good.

    Hey, dude, nothing against you, but DCF requires that we get a picture of anyone who dates our daughter for their database.

  197. “He’ll be all pieces then.”

    So might this kitten.

  198. Hey, dude, nothing against you, but DCF requires that we get a picture of live stream anyone who dates our daughter for their database.

    FTFme&jewstin

  199. I am sooooo looking forward to hearing about his diet and exercise regimen over dinner.

    As I was putting the steak on the grill, neighbor called over and asked what “we” were having for dinner.

    I yelled back “Seriously? Do you honestly think there’s gonna be anything left for us???”

  200. I’m looking for a whole boyfriend. With a trust fund.

    I hear Donald Sterling’s available.

  201. He brought wiserbride flowers. He brought me a 12-pack of Corona.

    So far, he’s doing well.

    He says “I pick things up and put them down.” when I ask what he does and I’m gonna lose it.

  202. Good idea Cyn, but I don’t have a clue.

  203. He brought wiserbride flowers. He brought me a 12-pack of Corona.
    ————————————
    That’s actually very sweet.

    Total shame he’s going to get his soul crushed. I almost feel bad for him.

  204. You need an objective opinion, Wiser. Cyn and I can tell you whether he’s date material for Wiserdaughter.

    Whip out that Polaroid and warm up the scanner.

  205. >>>Whip out that Polaroid and warm up the scanner.

    “Polaroid??” “Scanner??”

  206. >>>Total shame he’s going to get his soul crushed. I almost feel bad for him.

    Yeah, he seems like a nice kid too.

    Ah well, happens to the best of us.

  207. He brought wiserbride flowers. He brought me a 12-pack of Corona.

    So he’s handsome, strong, courteous, and can afford large-ish quantities of overpriced swill. Sounds like a keeper.

  208. Animal blood and piece of tree bark?

  209. DINNER!!!!

    (And first attempt at picture failed)

  210. Ok, may be I don’t understand the American dating culture, but it seems that the dude getting heartbroken is being considered a certainty. Looks like the boy and me are the only ones unaware of this foreordained outcome. I find that a bit troubling.

  211. It’s not necessarily an American thing, Tushar. It’s a dad thing. Guys with daughters want their little girl to come out on top every time and never have heartbreak. It’s better if the guy suffers.

  212. Jewstin, I am not talking about who will end up dumping whom. I am talking about a possible third option where they like each other and live together happily ever after.
    Maybe i am too naive.

  213. Ah. That’s a nice thought, but rare. Most people go through many dates before finding somebody they think is worth keeping. Wiserdaughter and Thor will probably need a few more tries before they get it right.

    If they get it right this time it will be a crazy happy story, and I hope it does end that way.

  214. Jewstin, I am not talking about who will end up dumping whom. I am talking about a possible third option where they like each other and live together happily ever after.
    Maybe i am too naive.
    ———————————-
    I thought this might be what you were thinking. That is very optimistic at their age.

    What Jew said.

  215. If sitcoms have taught me anything, it’s that she’ll marry some fat, schlubby dude with a blue collar job, and he will be hilariously jealous someday when they run into Thor.

  216. Hmm, that is interesting.
    I come from a very different culture where changing boyfriends/girlfriends is frowned upon. At least when I was young, breakups were exceptions rather than the norm.

  217. I thought you were from New Jersey?

  218. Southern New Jersey.

  219. Hahaha, Sean nailed it.

  220. New Jersey?!

    Tushar?

    http://tinyurl.com/6hytjv2

  221. Central new jersey actually. Yeah, we have a different culture in NJ. Mainly booty calls.

  222. Don’t forget the tanning and lip injections.

  223. No pictures of kittens.

    No pictures of Thor.

    Man; a girl just can’t catch a break.

  224. Jewstin, no I am not a Guido.

    But this site is full of them:

    http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com

  225. There was pork pics.

  226. Were.

    Where the hell is Hostpur when you need him?

  227. Man; a girl just can’t catch a break.

    http://tinyurl.com/oudup44

  228. Heh. Very cute, Sean. BTW the bad thing about minimum wage increases and the resulting hiring freeze/payroll cuts dealio…when you have an Open House and everyone is busy-busy, you have no backup when 3 babies are born in one week and the Club is left short-staffed.

  229. 5 hour stall.

  230. You must be mistaken, oso, because I’ve heard over and over that the idea of hiring freezes/payroll cuts when there’s a minimum wage increase is just all kinds of crazy talk.

  231. Sorry, no COLA this year. It turns out the dipshit in the paper hat driving the french fry button is worth fifteen bucks an hour. Who knew?

  232. 0care has messed us up even further. If PT employees pick up too many hours, they may get backdoored into FT. But, hey, go ahead D-rats and tell me about how great Costco is, and how greedy WalMart is while bitching about how expensive everything is…really. I love hearing that.

  233. Comment by Sean M. on May 3, 2014 7:58 pm

    Man; a girl just can’t catch a break.

    http://tinyurl.com/oudup44

    Marry me.

  234. Scott?

    pic.twitter.com/5gcNPmq9WN

  235. Thas should have looked like this:

  236. some naps are way too long

  237. >> Marry me.

    Ok

  238. They moved the lubricants out of that aisle a couple of months ago.

  239. no lube?

  240. Lubricants are in the tool corral now.

  241. Rum, lemon juice, and club soda. I don’t think it deserves a name, but I’m drinking it.

  242. Marry me.

    OH, YOU’VE MADE ME SO HAPPY!!!

    *shoots eye daggers at dave*

  243. Evening Hostages.

    How goes it?

  244. fuck off Sean *shoes you to the tool aisle*

  245. Just got back from across the street.. my neighbor’s drunk kid plowed into their garage door like a boss.

    She said “I was pressing the button!”

  246. Oh crap, I haven’t actually eaten anything today.

  247. How does one run into a garage door “like a boss”?

  248. No, fuck you, dave *tools you to the shoe aisle*

  249. It’s the remotes fault.

  250. hits Shawn with a shoe tool and marries Cyn

  251. Update from compulsive liar co-worker: she needs advice on whether or not to accept a date invitation from a very young, handsome, sexy man. Who is crazy about her and who has been pestering and pining after her for weeks.

    I told her to say no.

  252. That reminds me, where the fuck is that awesome advice column post you were talking about Laura????

  253. Tushie, FWIW, Mr. TiFW and I met just a few weeks into the 2nd semester of our Freshman year of college. We knew after the first date (35 years ago).

    It took another couple of years to convince both of our families that we weren’t kidding.

    My father finally decided that Mr. TiFW wasn’t going to leave me high and dry “any day now” a couple of years ago …..

  254. I told her to say no.

    Dammit, now I’ll never nail this crazy chick I’ve been working on.

  255. Was that a big shoe, a reeeallly big shoe?

  256. Tell your co-worker she should keep stringing Studmuffin along for a few more months, Laura.

    You could have so much fun messing with this chick’s head.

    *grabs Dave and Sean each by the ear, drags them over to the lumber section, shoes them under plywood pile*

    Oh, Cyyyyyynnnnnnn…..

  257. And I will not be uncharitable to this mentally ill person by describing her physical appearance which makes this tale require a herculean suspension of disbelief.

  258. >> I told her to say no.

    Meeting mom would have been better.

    In drunk neighbor kid smashed garage news she is busted by the cops. Mom is negotiating. It’s not going well.

  259. How did the cops even know to show up, Dave?

  260. WHOA MOM JUST TOOK A SWING AT A COP.. SHE’S GOIN DOWN

  261. Good advice, Laura. I think I had to have sex with that guy just to get rid of him.

  262. T.. nosy neighbor next door called it in

  263. Lauraw,
    Is that the ‘Fantasist” that you were talking about before?
    The one where everything she has said about her life is a lie?
    Making-up siblings, an shit?

  264. She should sue Stanley.

    stupid garage door opener

  265. Did I tell you guys she had asked me for a shipping quote to send stuff overseas to her brother?*

    Now she wants a quote from me to send stuff overseas to some boyfriend, too.**

    *FYI: She has no brothers. Never has had.

    **FYI,2: The country she wants me to ship to is actually in a slow-motion-but-quite-bloody civil war right now (makes shipping gifts difficult), but she doesn’t know it because it is not commonly known because this is America in the age of Obama and we don’t get news anymore.

    OH, and Carin?
    I need some chicken advice.

    This gal I work with has a chicken that lays six eggs a day, but she doesn’t remember the name of the breed. Can you help me out with that, babe? Thanks.

  266. Update from compulsive liar co-worker:

    Mrs. Pendejo has one of those. This lady’s about 55 or so and claims that she did the White House Lawn Easter Egg Hunt thing with Caroline Kennedy the easter before JFK bought the farm. When asked how in the hell her parents wrangled that invite she said that her dad was a three star in the pentagon. Unless she was the offspring of a second and much younger wife, the numbers don’t work. Her dad would’ve had to have been in his mid to late fifties to be a three star which means a first wife would’ve been to old to have a 4 year old. Several months later she let slip that he uncle was in Korea but her dad was to young and had to make his chops in Vietnam. To young for Korea but a three star by 63? I don’t fuckin’ think so.

    This lady’s full of shit in lots of other areas….this was just the most outrageous.

  267. Pork is being a bitch.

    I might be losing some sleep.

  268. Yes, Chris. She is a compulsive liar and her life is sliding downhill like a toboggan on the Matterhorn.

  269. Should I stay in tonight, or go have a drink at the bar and sit out on the patio watching the drunks and smoking a cigar? What say you all?

  270. Dave, I live across the street from several different sets of Oilfield Hand Mexian Americans and I haven’t had anything that exciting happen. Of course all their kids are still on bicycles and skateboards.

  271. UPDATE: mom is under arrest, girl is under arrest, dad is negotiating, he might get mom off

  272. *shanghais dave, leaves him marooned on isle of tool shoes*

  273. $20 says the dad gets arrested as well.

  274. he might get mom off

    I wouldn’t think right now would be an appropriate time for cunnilingus but what the fuck do I know?

  275. Pendejo, finding out about this woman was a total mindfuck, because I never really realized how I just listen to people’s life stories and naively accept what they are telling me. But who goes around fact-checking all their acquaintances?

    When I found out about her, there was this whole weekend where all this stuff continuously percolated up in my mind unbidden, and every few minutes I thought, ‘oh, there was another lie of hers, holy crap,’ etc.

    I spent a lot of time with her at work over the course of a year. That’s a lot of talking. Thought we were friends. But, she’s just crazy. Not her fault of course.

  276. mom has been released, drunk kid on her way to the muni tank, parents are following

  277. Dave,
    I’m so jealous! You live in a ‘Totally Cool” neighborhood.
    We live in the sticks where the excitement is a deer getting hit on the highway…

  278. Laura, I made shit up too,

  279. Check, Dave, maybe Mom and daughter can share a jail cell tonight. That ought to be fun…..

  280. She took a swing at a cop?

    Her fucking ass is going to jail.

    This reminds me of where I lived for two years in college. Me and my roommate came up with some creative accounting and got into HUD housing apt complex. 3 bedroom apt, a really nice one, for next to nothing.

    Man, the shit that went down in the parking lot. We didn’t even need a tv.

  281. Chrisp… the kid howling in the back of the squad car was .. sad

  282. DRAMA, Dave.

    You should have started mowing the lawn in your green butt thong. To alter the course of people’s thoughts, and calm things down.

  283. Drunk sad is the saddest sad.

  284. Dave,
    That’s pretty sad.
    Sorry for her, and her bad choices, and sorry for her parents, and their defective parenting.
    One doesn’t need a license, you know…

  285. Did anybody get revenge on anybody else by secretly sabotaging their garage door opener today?

  286. There is denouement now. Laura I woulda except I gave my mower to eldest kid 4 years ago. Now if I prance in the yard with the emerald green butt thong it’s just prancing

  287. I don’t feel bad.

    Dave said she hit the garage door because she was drunk.

    My FiL had his career as a LEO ended, and his life permanently and massively altered because of some drunk shithead.

    I hope they throw her ass in jail.

  288. Bob convinced the cops to let mom off the hook for her aggravated cop assault, I have to admit, he has skills

  289. Laura, my wife tried to befriend this woman for a while, but she’s just too……….eccentric. Her personality kind of puts you on defcon 1 from the gitgo so it wasn’t too difficult to start questioning some of her shit.

    The most recent bullshit lie was that she just happened to buy a section of ranch land in SE Oklahoma and then just happened to find out that the owner of the adjacent ranch is her first love, who promised to marry her while cliff diving in Okinawa but then his dad got transferred and they never saw each other again until she just happened to buy the ranch next to his and now it’s love all over again. She even bought herself an engagement ring at Chritstmas. I’m putting the odds on the existence of this long lost love at roughly the same as me getting in the quickest moving checkout line in a Walmart.

  290. BC, I’m very sorry to hear that.

    This little girl was so sweet and adorable when she came over to play with my youngest kid. I’m just sad about her life right now

  291. Why didn’t scott crutch the pork?

    WHY?

  292. My FiL was responding to a call. Another cop right behind him. Crossed a hill and bam. Drunk on the wrong side of the road. He got sandwiched. Completely crushed him from the waist down. He’s had two hip replacements. The gas pedal actually went through his foot and severed nerves. He has no feeling in that leg from the knee down.

    I’ve had several long talks with him. He remembers everything. Was awake the whole time. He said as soon as he realized he was trapped and that he could smell gas, he reached to make sure he could get ahold of his service revolver.

    “I’ll be damned if I was gonna burn.”

    I have zero sympathy for drunk drivers.

  293. SHUT UP JAY

  294. Jay, I’ve never done it this way.

    Science!

    In a couple of hours we shall know if the extra 6 hours are worth it.

  295. Jesus BC.

    Bob and I shared a sad look when he was rolling to go get his kid out of county. I feel for him. He’s not a bad guy per se, but his children upbringing is .. not good.

  296. Scott and Laura. I can’t be there in six hours. Slow shit down

  297. I’d let her sit in the drunk tank overnight and sober up. Garage door can be replaced, people can’t.

  298. Roamy, The Rock Candy Funk Party link was me. Glad you liked it.

  299. I agree roamy.

  300. Roamy,
    Amen…

  301. Comment by scott on May 3, 2014 10:22 pm
    Pork is being a bitch.
    ==========
    Go ahead and eat it, Scott. Rare pork, yum! :)

  302. It was safe to eat 9 hours ago.

  303. Then wtf have you been doing for the last 8 hours and 45 minutes??

  304. What is the experiment? Pork Butt?

  305. Turning it into candy,

  306. Yes, Jay.

  307. Candy ass?

  308. Do you leave the bone in?

  309. You have far more self control than I.

    I missed the whole deal. What exactly are you doing to this fine piece of porcine?

  310. regrettably I think Bob just bailed her out

  311. *sets low hanging fruit trap under the bone in pork butt

  312. the cars all came back just now. They are looking at the mashed up garage door

  313. Bone is in.

  314. Man, isn’t this a hoot?

    Bone in pork butt and drama next door, and the garage door is screwed!

    *gets out popcorn

  315. Bone in is the way to go.

    Life lesson right there.

  316. Bone is in.

    Low hanging fruit trap just got itself fubard.

  317. I just ate a bug.

    Goddammit.

  318. *points and laughs at DiT*

  319. I hate it when you can feel em around crawling in your belly and dying

  320. Ugh. On my way home from my cousin’s house. Drunks everywhere. Stupid Tres de Mayo.

  321. I blame you, oso. Holiday for your people.

  322. Funny that one of the fefw tales of drunkeness and lawlessness ever told on here that didn’t involve actual hostages is on a poat entitled, “A Path to Oblivian”.

  323. DAve, do a couple of Jaegger shots. The bug deserves a little relief before it starts being digested by acids.

  324. Anyone else confiscate a bunch of alcohol your children’s friends snuck into the house for an after prom party?

    On the up side, I am now the owner of a bunch of fruity vodkas .

  325. If my kids want to be assholes, they better do it after turning 18. If they act up while they are in my legal custody, I will drag their butts to India and beat the snot out of them.

  326. The old “it belongs to my friends” scam, ehhh?

  327. Worst mom ever!

  328. Car in.. I cooked breffish for 24 prom kids at 4 am just to make sure they weren’t drunk

  329. How can you NOT be drunk on prom night?

  330. Si, bcoch. Parties and Happy Hours started yesterday. Regular Saturdays are bad enough. Drunk guy walking on sidewalk, whistling and yelling at traffic. Dan was feeling sorry for the cops that may have to shoot him later tonight/

  331. They are over 18. And it was a couple of the kids. My son was going to tell me but chickened out . The worst thing was that they snuck it in while I was at work in front of my little kids.

  332. You know I don’t speak spanish, baxter.

  333. They still all showed up knowing there was no alcohol

  334. Bcoch , they didn’t ask me if I was ok with it.

  335. So much for “targeted advertising” on social media.

    I’m looking at my facecock page a while ago and there’s a huge ad for Trojan Condoms. My shit got disconnected in ’92. No need.

  336. >> How can you NOT be drunk on prom night?

    father of daughters, we should talk in 8 years. You need some info.

  337. Somehow I doubt that this was how Car in dealt with the situation. Still, fruity vodkas? That’s just wrong.

    http://somethingpositive.net/sp03172009.shtml

  338. I must have done prom wrong. No booze, no drugs, didn’t get pregnant.

  339. How can you NOT be drunk on prom night?

    One of the few nights where I wasn’t.

  340. It’s almost done. 15 hours.

    PORKTOBERFEST!

  341. It’s midnight, scott

  342. ok I can be there in 15 hours

  343. I slept in and started it at 9 AM

  344. >> How can you NOT be drunk on prom night?

    Too busy fucking?

  345. Aims cannon at Andy’s house.

  346. Thanks, scott, for the Rock Candy link. I like their sound.

    Rocketboy has been listening to Guns n Roses. I asked him if he liked them for Axl’s singing or Slash’s guitar playing. He answered correctly, so he gets to borrow my Velvet Revolver CD for a while.

  347. I tried to sneak some beer into my sr prom but my mom’s stationwagon broke down on the way and we had to transfer into girlfriend’s parent’s LeSabre. Had to ditch the beer so my dad wouldn’t find it when he came to tow the old Kingwood Estate home.

  348. Believe it or not, I didn’t get laid that night either.

  349. I’m gonna stay up another half hour or so .

  350. the guitar action .. sheesh I remember playing some of that

  351. Maybe.

  352. I will never forget prom night. It lasted for 3 days.

  353. Have some fruity vodka, it’s paleo!

  354. Prom was AWESOME!

    Who am I kidding… I have no recollection of prom what so ever.

    …But I heard it was awesome.

  355. I skipped prom and just got laid and drunk instead.

  356. I went to prom sophomore and senior year with the same guy. Sophomore year, he took forever to ask – we’d been dating since October, and he took his Sweet. Damn. Time. to ask me. Junior year, he had exams at college and couldn’t come home. Senior year was better, except I was sunburned from the band trip to Florida.

  357. Actually, proms were fun; I got to go with a boyfriend for his prom and then the next year I went to mine. Lots of dancing and fun and made it home none the worse for wear. I wasn’t even going to go to ‘my’ prom but my mom wanted me to go so I took a friend and it was fun afterall.

  358. Shorter Cyn: I got drunk and laid underneath the bleachers.

  359. I went to prom with a hot chick who was a tad more religious than I had anticipated.

  360. HA! Not the bleachers. *cough*

  361. Keerful, bcock, that’s my fiancee you’re disparagin’.

  362. Sweet sweet bark.

    Not worth the extra 6 hours.

  363. Sean’s marrying Cyn?

    *checks*

    Fuck. That’s the Seventh Seal.

  364. Meeeeoowww

  365. *deletes all the “here pussy pussy” jokes*

    Cause I’m a gentleman and shit.

  366. *shoes Sean back under pile of plywood*

    How’d you get out from under there so fast?

    *knocks over stack of 2x4s on top of plywood, just in case*

  367. …”And shit”… is right, you lil’stinker.

  368. Well that was just uncalled for.

    I bathe regularly.

  369. Well I was going to call you a whippersnapper but I didn’t want to date myself.

    Wait… I think I just did. Dammit.

  370. Don’t worry Cyn. 60 is the new 50. So you’re still middle aged!

  371. And still rockin it!

    *shoves a binkie in BC’s mouth*

  372. Okay cool kids and Brent, I’m off like a prom dress. See you on the morrow.

  373. Big spider inside. Not a black widow. Got smooshed.

  374. Oh that was fucked up.

    You could have at leased soaked the damn thing in booze first.

    Yeah, I’m out too. Should’ve been in bed long ago. Damn youtube sucked me in.

  375. About to close up shop here. Derp later.

  376. Now, could I have loved someone like the one I see in you
    Yeah, I remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too
    These last few weeks of holding on
    The days are derp, the nights are long

  377. Kids still go to prom?

  378. Up way too early.

  379. Went to bed last night while Scott was still waiting for the Pork Candy Fairy to show up.

    I was a little peeved that I waited all day but still didn’t get to eat any food while it was hot because my husband was so stubborn and would not crutch the roast.

    The pork was stubborn too but Scott was most stubborndedest. And he wouldn’t give in to my suggestions, which is illegal.

    Woke up and had a bowl of pretty nice shredded smoked pork for breakfast. With cheese, salsa verde, and grilled onions and peppers. It was quite good.

    This will comprise most of our diet for the next three or four days.

  380. Morning.

  381. Good morning sir.

  382. And ma’am.

  383. Coffee’s ready.

    I like stubborn men, except when they won’t do what I want.

  384. I have a hot date this afternoon. Who wants Flaming Wreckage in the betting pool?

  385. I’ll take Awkward Silence.

  386. Poor sad bastard. This is what happens when you’re malleable and easily led by others into stupid cults.

    http://www.chow.com/food-news/150024/the-barbecue-place-i-love-the-barbecue-i-cant-have

    “I don’t eat meat from land animals.” I love how he sneers at the vegans, too. They’re really just in a slightly more restrictive food cult than the one he belongs to.

  387. Wait- Flaming Wreckage could be good, right? Is that good or bad? Or just a gay pun?

  388. Flaming Wreckage is worse than Awkward Silence, but not so bad as Weeping Pustules. At opposite ends of the scale are White Picket Fence and Nuclear Fallout.

  389. From LauraW’s 8:38 poat. A brief on the author: Brock Winstead lives, eats, and writes in Oakland, California. He was trained as an urban planner, worked in politics for a while,

    I think I’m seeing what the problem is here. He’s one of “them”.

  390. Weeping pustules tend to weep forever. Or so I’m told.

  391. I don’t think I related my last date which was 11 Car Pileup.

    Vapid Twink: Yeah, so I didn’t come out until after high school.

    Me: You might have been in the closet, but the door was open and the light was on.

    Vapid Twink: I don’t get it?

    Me: . . . Nevermind.

    Vapid Twink: *nattering, nattering, nattering*

    Me: Uh huh. . . uh huh. . . uh huh.

    Vapid Twink: So that’s why I’m behind this month. Can you give me $30?

    Me: You’ve known me for half an hour. Do you have any shame?

    Vapid Twink: I don’t know what that means. Will you help?

    Me: I’ll pick up the bar tab.

  392. Senior prom was awesome. I went with the girl I dated all through college.

    We went to for desert at a fancy schmancy place in Chicago and met Tommy Lee Jones. The waitress introduced and he offered to buy everyone champagne. That was a negative.

    He was so drunk he tried to kiss my date on the lips instead of the cheek when we were leaving.

  393. I have a hot date this afternoon. Who wants Flaming Wreckage in the betting pool?
    ———————-
    I’d like to put in for Overly Aggressive, Grabby Hands.

  394. Jewstin,

    I saw Vapid Twink open for the Blow Monkeys in ’87 at the US fest.

  395. Off to go get some ‘Churchin’.

    Some of you could use some as well *cough MJ*

  396. Good morning cool kids.

    Gnu Poat.


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