Enjoy, Comrades

 

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370 Comments

  1. Firts@!

  2. Benny has learned to climb the stairs.

    This won’t end well.

  3. I should clarify. Benny has learned to climb up the stairs.

  4. And cats aren’t the only pets that poop in your house.

  5. Ooohhhh. If I had been told that made the doors unsanitary…..

  6. Actually your hands are probably dirtier. Read an article a while back that suggested you should wash your hands before you go to the bathroom so you don’t get your junk dirty from all the things your hands touch.

  7. I must wash and alcohol gel my hands 40-50 times a day in the office. My nurse doesn’t like to touch stinky feet. I accept it as an occupational hazard. From time to time I’ll complement kids with clean feet and socks.

  8. Who’s up for morning crack

    Fat?

  9. I lift in the afternoons now, so I’m out.

  10. We have decided to stop bugging our oldest about hygiene. He gives Paula a raft of shit about taking a shower in the morning, putting on clean presentable clothes and using deodorant. Brushing teeth is in there too. I’m sick of the battle every morning so I thought, other than brushing his teeth, let him rot in his own stench and funky clothes. When people don’t want to sit near him he may become self-motivated.

  11. Leon, I hah a cute chicken story. Let the baby chicks out into the outdoor coop yesterday- first time. The ducks go there pretty often, but it’s a lot b of work to take all the chicks out.

    One of the (freeranging) older hens -bsl- kept flying in to hang with the chicks. Was as nice as can be with them. She never flew in when it was the ducks.

    Maybe she always wanted to be a mama?

  12. 3 top traits that lead to a marriage partner:
    Attractive, agreeable, clean

    That last one really is the easy one.

  13. Was she your broody one last year?

  14. Nope.

  15. Erin took her out two times, and she kept flying back in.

  16. Neat.

    Mrs. Caruthers found a dead opossum in the barn today before she left for work, threw it in a manure-hauling bin for me to dispose of it so she could head to the base.

    If it it was playing, it was doing a very, very good job. I buried it nose-down, 3′ deep.

  17. My chickens don’t do fun things other than lay eggs and eat scraps. Yesterday I let them have my porterhouse bones. They were pleased.

  18. My chickens are basically hilarious, but probably because they free range. It cracks me up every time the follow me around.

  19. Morning, children.

  20. My chickens put on plays. Mostly Shakespeare and Chekov.

  21. WOOOOOO, I get to leave the house today.

  22. With or without your ankle monitor?

  23. No no, he’s an ankle biter, and he’ll be staying home.

  24. My chickens come in a bucket

  25. You stud out your roosters, TJew?

  26. G’morning, cool kids

  27. You have ducks?

    Are their eggs much different?

  28. “My chickens come in a bucket”

    Gross

  29. Somebody on Fox yesterday mentioned something interesting. We hear about growth in GDP, anywhere from 0-2% per quarter.

    Take out the explosion of oil and gas production.

    There has been no recovery.

  30. 0.0 recovery is no way to go through life, son.

  31. Leon, why are you throwing away that free food?

    1%er

  32. So big news this morning. China is about to eclipse US’s #1 position in the world economy by the end of this year. By what measure you wonder?

    By the measure of how far a person’s money goes in China compared to the US.

    US’s annual economy $16trillion. China’s is $8trillion, and they have four times as many people.

    News organizations just like to cherry pick and make shit up.

  33. What recovery summer are we on? Five or six?

    BTW: If healthcare spending didn’t increase 10% we’d be in pretty strong negative territory. My guess is that this will continue through Q2 but it will blamed on some sort of weather event again.

  34. El Nino.

  35. News organizations just like to cherry pick and make shit up.
    —————————–
    My sister explained much of how the media works while she was here.

    They simply don’t care or are too stupid to understand what is being told to them so they ‘translate’ the information into how they see the world. Half of reports of her press release over Easter misspelled the word wiener. 100% got the basic information wrong about the recall that was ordered.

    Yes, I laughed because I’m a moron and she used the word wiener, but that’s pretty bad.

  36. Super Storm_______

  37. No wait! They’ll adopt the trend in high end cars. They are no longer super cars, they are HYPER cars.

    Hyper Storm ______

  38. I also enjoy listening to the hipster douchebags at NPR when they are reporting a story, and they pause and continue by saying “Look…” Then go on to state unverifiable “facts.”

    Cokie(head) Roberts started this trend back in the eighties. It’s about the only place reporters do this.

    It makes me snigger.

  39. “Look, chickens cumming in a bucket is pretty gross.”

  40. Rooster porn

  41. >> It makes me snigger.

    racist

  42. NPR, for a supposedly non-biased news organization, always seems to find itself on the liberal side of the argument when making their opinions and choosing their hosts and guests.

  43. Rooster porn titles:

    Kenfucky Fried Chicken

    Greasy Fingers

    Thighs and Breasts

    Will You Pullet?

    Etc

  44. Buh Cawk

  45. Edward Schmaltzyhands

    All the King’s Hens

  46. Coop Slut

  47. Peck Peck Pecker

  48. Gaping Tailfeathers

  49. Rooster Cockburn

  50. 12 Horny Hen

  51. Shades of Gravy

  52. Leon, if you don’t want the puppeh going up the stairs just yet, get a baby gate and put it at the bottom of the stairs.

  53. Rear Vent

  54. Chicken Hardon Bleu

  55. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Cloacas

  56. The Maltese Falcon’s Whore of a Chicken Girlfriend

  57. Gravy Dumpsters

  58. All White Meat

  59. The Cock of LaMancha

  60. Leon, why are you throwing away that free food?

    It had no visible marks, so my assumption was that it was poisoned elsewhere and happened to die in my barn. No way I’d eat that anyhow.

  61. Winner Winner Chicken In Her

  62. I have their ducks. They’re not old enough to lay eggs, but I’ll let you know.

  63. Hotspur is on fire with his titles

  64. I have gardening and studying to do.

  65. Omg, New egg obsession: scrambled with sauteed mush and onions.

  66. Undercover Possum

  67. otherwise known as an omelette

  68. Tut tut. It looks like rain.

  69. I’m killing time before pinning a hip. Not easy to transition between the H2 and “Serious Mode”. I’ll manage somehow.

  70. It wasn’t an omelet.

    * gives Dave the stink eye.

    I cleaned 100lbs today.

  71. Carin, try this: saute the mush and onions over really high heat until they start to brown at the edges. Throw in some celery leaf, deglaze with a splash of sherry, and drop in a little cream or butter. Stir it down and spoon it over the eggs as a sauce.

    Scott loves it when I do this. I used to make nicer breakfastes quite frequently when I wasn’t in school.

    Reminds me that I am out of sherry.

  72. We voted for a take-home final exam in A&P. Well, we got it. Seven pages, lots of short essays required. Damn.

  73. I dated a girl named Sherry. Or maybe it was Sherrie, or Cherie.

    Anyway, she was a dish.

  74. I’ll have to wait until this stupid diet is over.

  75. Paula’s preceptor is a Cherie. She’s a bit of a dish.

  76. If she has a long bouncy ponytail, and big tits, then ZOMG, I totally dated her.

  77. Oh, diet. Right. I was supposed to be starting one too.

    Hm.

  78. My neighbor is mowing. For the third time this year.

    *thinks about mowing this weekend*

    My grass is < 8", it's fine.

  79. Seriously, with all this rain and cool weather, the lawn is starting to look like Scotland. Clumpy and different shades of deep green. Swaths of purple ground ivy flowers coming up in it, and a little white violet here and there. Love it.

    It will look nice after it is mowed for the first time, but it is gorgeous when it is a little fresh and wild too.

  80. She’s a blond girl in her mid 20’s and, out of interest for my own survival, I haven’t checked out her assets other than to report she’s attractive and not a wide load.

  81. Half my age plus seven was my rule of thumb, so she’s the wrong Cherie (or Sherry, or Sherrie).

  82. Half my age plus seven was my rule of thumb

    Well you’ll never own an NBA team with that attitude, mister.

  83. Sweet. 26.

    Where do I find one of these?

  84. Graduate students in Womyn’s Studies are usually about 26, MJ.

    Best of luck.

  85. Judging by the topics my nieces like to talk about, I’m not sure I would have much to discuss with a 26yo.

  86. When I met my wife I was 28 and she was 21. Just barely made the cut.

  87. Heard some “expert” say that the reason for the unexpected jump in new unemployment filings was because of Good Friday and Easter messing up the numbers.

    DAMN those evil unexpected holidays getting in the way of Obama’s Recovery!

    I really need to call mice elf an expert in economics and start getting paid to say stupid shit like that.

  88. mice elf

    heh

  89. Judging by the topics my nieces like to talk about, I’m not sure I would have much to discuss with a 26yo.
    ——————————
    Me either.

  90. Heard some “expert” say that the reason for the unexpected jump in new unemployment filings was because of Good Friday and Easter messing up the numbers.

    WHAT!?

    “For an opposing point of view, we asked a brick the same question.”
    *switch to video of a brick*
    “The brick had no comment, which goes to show that this man — having spoken — has shown himself lacking the wisdom God grants to inanimate objects to say nothing when they don’t know anything.”

  91. Car in, an expert on the economy, blames the unexpected jump in unemployment numbers on the weather.

    Where do I collect my check?

  92. *notices incoming call from npr and msnbc

    Too bad I’m afraid to answer the phone

  93. Wiserbud, I can get you that brick as needed for radio commentary.

    Just puttin’ that out there.

  94. Car in, an expert on the economy, blames the unexpected jump in unemployment numbers on the weather.

    s’been done.

    http://www.newser.com/story/186149/economic-growth-plummets-to-01.html

    You’re gonna need to get more creative than that.

  95. Wiserbud, I can get you that brick as needed for radio commentary.

    I do have a few hours I need to fill next week… would he be available to be in-studio?

  96. That article sounds like it’s based on one of those studies that can’t ever be replicated and the original subjects don’t exist.

    Then again, it was in the UK. They still think buggery is something straight guys do together as a pastime.

  97. I do have a few hours I need to fill next week… would he be available to be in-studio?

    Do you cover guest travel? And by guest travel I mean shipping.

  98. From Scott’s link:

    “Sometimes you grab his cock, sort of as a joke, particularly if he’s got a semi going. It just relieves the tension. It’s not like you’re going to wank him.”

    ummmm….

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,11150/

  99. >> Doomed!

    yeah, not buying it

  100. Do you cover guest travel? And by guest travel I mean shipping.

    Hmmm… that’s gonna be tough. I wonder if there is your brick could recommend one that is more local?

  101. The other hilarious “REMAIN CALM!! ALL IS WELL!!!” claim by the “experts” is that even though the economy basically ground to a halt, consumer spending was up, indicating a rise in consumer confidence in an improving economy.

    Ummm…

    “Meanwhile, consumer spending grew at a 3% rate, but the gain was dominated by a 4.4% rise in spending on services, reflecting higher utility bills. “

  102. It’s linked on Drudge.

  103. I wonder if there is your brick could recommend one that is more local?

    He recommended seeing Scott about one of his astute relatives available in a commercial storefront nearer to you.

  104. I love that stat about removing oil and gas production, the one thing Obama keeps trying to stifle, but take credit for at the same time.

    What would a finished XL pipeline do to the economy?

  105. Healthcare spending rose too, causing a rise in GDP.

    Recovery, bay-bee.

  106. I’m old enough to remember when the shitty economic numbers were caused by the earthquake in Japan.

    I think I need to collate all of the excuses that this admin has used to explain away the bad numbers. Would make for an excellent bit.

  107. Obama’s vacations.

  108. I cleaned 100lbs today.

    A hundred pounds of what?

  109. Let’s see, 10.10 (their number) X 40 (hours a week, maybe, work with me) X 4 weeks = $1616. 2% of that is $32.32. So $32 is most of a monthly used car payment?

    I hate these guys. Because perfectly idiotic college students will be spouting this now, and I’ll have to shake my head at their stupidity.

  110. 24 quarters of unexpectedness:

    Bush
    Bush
    Bush
    Bush
    Bush
    Bush
    Tsunami!
    Bush
    Bush
    Super Storm!
    Bush
    Bush
    Bush
    Bush
    Romney
    Romney
    Romney
    Romney
    Romney
    Tornado!
    Hot
    Cold
    Cold

  111. Coming soon to a country near you:

    http://tinyurl.com/no2yvc5

  112. Jay,

    I think that they’re saying that in a year the 2% of 7.25 per hour adds up to a monthly car payment.

    (7.25*40*52)*.02=$300.

  113. 24 quarters of unexpectedness:

    Well, that was easy…..

  114. Wiser, I linked that yesterday.

    The brick had no comment.

  115. One car payment. That makes sense.

    But also makes the overall premise that much more stupid. Cuz you’d have to work 12 years to make 1 year of car payments. Multiply that by the number of years, and a 3 year loan takes you 36 years to pay off.

  116. I’ve been blaming my leg pain on my sharp elbows. Nope, not the cause. Today I’m extremely sore and I only worked 4 hours yesterday.

    I sat on the couch all day with my laptop.

    So I google laptop and thigh pain….HOLY CRAP.

  117. I have no difficulty with Subway not selling bacon. It’s their stores.

    If the government did that to all stores, then I’d have difficulty with it.

  118. Just when you thought Mike Rowe couldn’t get any cooler, he writes something like this:

    http://www.ijreview.com/2014/04/134178-mike-rowe-doles-big-heaping-spoonful-tough-love-fan-seeking-career-advice/

  119. I have no difficulty with Subway not selling bacon. It’s their stores.

    I just don’t like the never-ending capitulation to the professionally over-sensitive.

    You don’t like bacon? Don’t order bacon. But no, that’s not good enough. We demand that the place of business REMOVE bacon from the facility.

    And the fucking cowards capitulate.

  120. I jsut love the internet.

    It saves me so much time.

    http://www.policymic.com/articles/9147/top-25-obama-excuses-for-a-failed-economy-and-high-unemployment

  121. Doomed!

    While the husband was an athlete throughout highschool and college and had to spend many away meets sharing a bed/bus/floor with team mates, reaching into anyone’s personal space would have met with a WTF? and you losing a limb.

  122. In the UK the muslims are beginning to infect colonize huge parts of the country so that they become the majority in the community. So if they say no bacon or I’m not shopping, what is Subway to do?

    Their only other choice is to go out of business.

  123. Let’s see, 10.10 (their number) X 40 (hours a week

    Stop right there, Skippy. Who gets 40 hours a week anymore?

  124. I forgot about ATMs.

  125. Hotspur, it is 200 Subways that are getting rid of ham/bacon. I don’t think there are 200 muslim communities.

    And why, like wiser asks, can’t they just not ask for ham. There is no reason why they still can’t sell ham/bacon and move their bins so as not to cross-contaminate if they are that OCD. Most of their fake meat is neatly sliced between wax paper anyway and wouldn’t crumble or drip all over the place. They also can change out their gloves.

    The UK – they gone.

  126. So if they say no bacon or I’m not shopping, what is Subway to do?

    I can see that, but it just rubs me the wrong way when the poor little put-upon Muslims who are constantly whining about intolerance make this kind of demand an no one pushes back.

    Honestly, if I owned Subway, I would consider closing them. Fuck ’em. They want to bitch and complain? Then they don’t get a Subway.

    I would also go so far as to not allow Muslims into any other Subway in the country unless they sign an agreement stating they would not fucking whine about the menu.

    You fucking want to play the intolerance game? Let’s play.

  127. What are they going to replace the ham/bacon with….goat balls? The blood of Jews?

  128. That sounds offensive.

    * calls cops *

  129. You know, for a bunch of non pork eating, womanizing, gun toting macho men, the muslims are pretty gay. They really like little boys.

  130. the poor little put-upon Muslims who are constantly whining about intolerance make this kind of demand an no one pushes back.

    Compare and contrast.

    Minneapolis Target accommodates Muslims by either moving ‘sensitive’ muslim cashiers to the floor so they don’t have to touch sealed pork products or creating a pork-free lane so the little snowflakes can keep ‘clean’.

    People I know, who have lived and worked in the middle east talk about most food stores carrying pork products and noone (meaning most of the muslim workers) have no problem touching the product to stock or check out.

    Touching in sealed packages is a leap different than ingesting.

  131. There are usually three to four (sometimes more) subways in most communities, so now we’re talking 50 to 70. Judging by the demographics of the UK, not that surprising.

    They really are on a path to self destruction of their heritage, and imposition of sharia law.

    But hey, they colonized and oppressed these people back during the Sun Never Sets bullshit. They are granted automatic citizenship, and can come in whatever numbers they like.

  132. England lost faith in itself when the Empire collapsed. The trajectory is terminal at this point.

  133. They really like little boys.

    For a religion that regularly removes young girls’ clitorises and sews their vaginas shut, I’m not surprised.

  134. Obamajob!

  135. You know, for a bunch of non pork eating, womanizing, gun toting macho men, the muslims are pretty gay.

    precious little snowflakes who can’t seem to deal with the tiniest little slight like adults.

    And they will continue to win until we finally stand up and say “Fuck you. Grow up and then we’ll talk.”

  136. Growing up and being a man is haraam.

  137. My little town is redoing the road through town. . Because , you know – jobs !!! And just imagine how much busier town will be when people have a new road to drive on!!!! It’s supposed to take – a year . At one point, the road through town will be completely shut down. One store is already closing. I wonder how many more will go under .

    Shovel ready !!!

  138. Insert MJ joke here…………

  139. http://knuckledraggin.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/midgetplane.jpg

    Finally, someone has figured out a use for those damn MiJets.

  140. How MJ got hired:

  141. Hahahahahahaha

    Grab the clue bat.

    http://tinyurl.com/l5olzsd

  142. PJ?

  143. precious little snowflakes who can’t seem to deal with the tiniest little slight like adults.

    Are we talking muslims or leftards?

    I’ve always said that my asshole brothers and one parental unit would welcome sharia because they really don’t like women.

  144. I like women and think every man should own two or three.

  145. Maybe a Muslim owns the franchise to those stores, but does not want to be known. I know you can’t charge interest to other Muslims in Islam (*cough* under the table *cough*), but what about making a profit from other Muslims?

  146. The beautiful people….

    Isn’t it kinda humiliating getting beat up by your wife? Although she is picking on the elderly.

  147. Just made tahini. Interesting. Easy. Too easy.

  148. So.
    ….

    Hm.
    …..

    *cough

    *dies inside

  149. So then… Wheat Thins or Tostitos Scoops?

  150. HAH! That was pretty nifty

  151. yeah, we’re not over-regulated. Not in the least.

    http://courantblogs.com/capitol-watch/the-peoples-business-package-store-gift-baskets/

  152. That which is not expressly allowed is forbidden! Hey, it’s not so bad. At least they’re not *mandated* to sell gift baskets.

  153. wiser, you should call up and correct that reporter. In that article, the governor is referred to as Dannel Malloy. He wants to be called Dan now.

    You told me.

  154. It’s too cold for soccer

  155. It’s too straight for soccer.

  156. Shut your whore face, purse-dog dude.

  157. A berry, berry nice day here in south central!

  158. wiser, you should call up and correct that reporter. In that article, the governor is referred to as Dannel Malloy. He wants to be called Dan now.

    heh heh heh.

    That’s kinda become a thing with some talk show hosts. Making the mistake then correcting it.

    Sure makes Good Ol’ Dan look like a shallow douche, doncha think?

  159. Hey shut it! His purse-dog is totally BUTCH!!

  160. Hey shut it! His purse-dog is totally BUTCH!!

    (that’s a mouse)

  161. Afternoon.

  162. Today I built one (1) of these:

    http://tinyurl.com/mbq62sp

  163. Look, I’m not saying that carrying a purse dog is unmanly. It’s actually very Hollywood . Mj is just like Paris Hilton .

  164. I didn’t build anything, jewstin, but I cleaned 100 pounds.

  165. Excellent job Carin.

  166. And the thing people are saying a whole lot of nothing about? I found out today that the people who are going down to train have been selling me to the people in South Carolina as the guy to keep instead of Manticore.

  167. I cleaned 100 pounds.

    I’ve never seen a woman brag so much about taking a shower.

    It’s not that big of a deal for most people, stinky.

  168. Right on, Jewstin!! This is what happens when you are awesome.

  169. My purse dog is pretty butch. He growls like he’s huge.

  170. Actually had a woman complain to a manager that she shouldn’t have to stand in line, because she has toddlers.

  171. Shut your whore face, purse-dog dude.
    ———————-
    My purse dog stood her ground agains a boxer a few days ago. Guy has his boxer (mix?) off the leash and the dog comes flying at Purse Dog.

    Purse Dog starts barking, stands her ground.

    She may be little but she doesn’t know it. When we got inside she told me that she was a little scared, but she could have taken her. Then she did 20 burpees, 20 bar ups and did a shot whiskey.

  172. I didn’t build anything, jewstin, but I cleaned 100 pounds.
    ————————
    Right. My dog is butch. Got it.

  173. Benny regularly cleans half his body weight with his teeth.

    U R weak.

  174. Climbing the stairs is 15 muscle-ups.

    Just sayin’.

  175. When Ruby was a puppy she did this for a while

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vDfrHS9Vto

  176. Ok, serious question. My kids are in different classes. One of the kids classes ends at 3 pm, and the afterschool program starts at 3.30. I should mention here that one of my kids is on Autism spectrum and does not communicate well. The agreement is that one aide will stay with him in class till 3.30 and then walk him to the cafeteria where the after school program is conducted. My wife goes to pick the kids up and sees only one kid. The person incharge says the second kid never came in. My wife goes to classroom and sees the door closed, all lights offf and my poor kid crying in darkness. For two freaking hours. He is quite shaken.

    Question: what retributions are feasible and how should I demand them?

  177. I would be seriously pissed.

  178. What would Jesus do, Tushar?

    Remember the flipping over tables and whipping people is an acceptable answer.

  179. Tushar, call BiW, cash in. Take everything.

  180. Holy shit. Somebody seriously dropped the ball, but how do you not notice there is still a kid in the room?? Shouldn’t somebody stay behind and make sure they got everybody?

    Something similar happened recently with a coworker’s young daughter getting let off the bus on the wrong stop, across town.

  181. What Leon said. Talk to a lawyer.

  182. Call a lawyer, then a press conference.

  183. This never happens at private schools.

  184. Actually, that happened to me when I was a kid! Except I was being punished. I was in first grade in a Catholic school in Hartford, and the teacher caught me talking and made me sit facing the corner, and to STAY THERE.

    The class ended and she didn’t tell me I could go. So I stayed there as the next class- kids in an upper grade- came in. That teacher didn’t notice me in the corner either, even though some of the big kids were picking on me.

    So I sat there. School ended, and my sister went out to meet my mother at the car. Mom and sis waited for me for a while, but I didn’t show. So my sister went back into the school and found me.

    It was cool, though, because this was 1976 and everybody just laughed it off as me being a dumb little kid. It was pretty traumatic at the time though.

  185. These people never face consequences, so they don’t care

  186. You mean before or after burning the fucking place down?

  187. Holy shit, what a shitty fucking memory.

    Tushar, what do you mean they never face consequences?

  188. >>>Call a lawyer, then a press conference.

    Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

    Talk to the school. Yes, someone needs to be responsible for this, but seriously, aren’t we always the ones who decry this litigious society?

    I understand your child was frightened. I totally sympathize. And someone needs to be fired for that screw-up.

    But lawyers? Maybe it’s just me, but too soon.

    And my 5-year-old daughter got on the wrong bus after school one day. I was petrified, but it ended fine.

  189. I had something similar happen with my oldest back when he was in first grade, Tushar. I guaranfuckingtee you that the school will not let that happen again.

    A calm voice to the principal reminding them of their legal custodial duties to your child and you is all that need be uttered. Oh, and you mentioning that they’re lucky you didn’t call the police will get your point across too.

  190. Holy shit, what a shitty fucking memory.
    ————————
    Sorry lauraw. I’ve beaten the dog for brining it up.

  191. Two of my cousins are lawyers for NM schools. I guarantee you that the school is already getting a story together.

  192. I am leaning towards what Wiser says. Tomorrow I will go there and talk. Their response will decide my further actions, if needed.

    Laura, school employees enjoy enormous protection because of their union. It is not easy to punish them.

    I am not sure I want the person fired, but I want her to feel fear the same way my kid and wife did.

  193. When the fork has Wiser ever been the voice of reason?

    I guess everyone has their day…

  194. Thanks MJ.

  195. Eh, it’s a public school filled with union types. I’d be of a vengeful mind about it. I hate that we’re so litigious. I’d still consider it.

  196. >>>When the fork has Wiser ever been the voice of reason?

    I quit smoking.

    It’s totally fucked up my whole outlook on life.

  197. OMG this actually just happened. A guy from the WH said, “Dude, this was like two years ago,” in response to Benghazi.

    They sent a frat boy to defend an obvious lie. That’s hilarious, except for the dead people.

  198. If you get a chance to watch that whole “dude” interview, MJ, you will not be disappointed.

  199. Cyn, I had a meeting with the kid’s teacher the other day. She didn’t seem as interested in education and all that, compared to his teacher last year who was awesome.

    I guess if this shakes them enough, that is good enough for me, but if my kid can be accommodated in another classroom, I may feel better.

  200. Yeah, I guess the school needs to be given an opportunity to do what they need to do with their personnel first? Is that how it goes?

    If not fired, then at the very least the incident needs to be written up and the person who was supposed to be watching your son needs to sign it and understand there is a black mark against her employment record relating to failing to provide basic care for a child.

  201. It’s like the Obama Presidency is an Eddie Griffin movie.

  202. I quit smoking.
    ———————-
    Pole or cigarettes?

  203. Document everything you possibly can.

  204. She didn’t seem as interested in education and all that, compared to his teacher last year who was awesome.

    That is a hard disappointment to overcome, but you will see more and more of it; the good ones are few and far between, union or not.

    If you are the level-headed one when you go to the school to discuss the issue, you will win.

  205. >>>Pole or cigarettes?

    You just have to know every fucking thing about my life, don’t you?

    Can I keep nothing private? Must I tell you how many pounds I cleaned today too?

  206. Hah! As if he could quit the pole.

    *whistles, waves a dollar bill

  207. Or clean a pound.

  208. >>>Or clean a pound.

    Hey, I once cleaned two pounds.

    I didn’t boil them, but that was my mistake.

  209. Can I keep nothing private? Must I tell you how many pounds I cleaned today too?
    —————————-
    Actually, I’m pretty sure how many pounds you cleaned. Same as me.

    Zero.

    I have to say, I’m kind of impressed that Car in did that.

  210. I’ve never done a full clean, just power cleans. I should try them some time.

  211. I used to be a free-weight-lifting body-builder.

    And used to be in amazing shape.

    Then I got injured. And it took about two years to recover from that injury.

    Fucked all that shit up.

  212. Interviewing Matt Kibbe, head of Freedomworks, next week.

    He’s a hard-core libertarian.

    So tempted to get into the Russia/Ukraine situation with him….

  213. Good get on Matt Kibbe. Hope it goes well.

  214. Yer gonna ask him about those sideburns, right?

  215. >>>Yer gonna ask him about those sideburns, right?

    He won’t be in studio.

  216. Ask him to explain the difference between a libertarian, a Republican, and a conservative.

  217. Tommy Vietor just made sure that Benghazi is a story. What a weird guy to be a communications expert.

    Uhhhhh. Sure. Yeah, totally. He was like, always briefed, yo.

  218. Great catch, Wiser

    I used to do competitive Olympic weightlifting in the old Light Heavyweight class (181 lb)

    Did pretty well until a javelin throw in a SWC meet FUBAR’ex my right shoulder girdle forever and ever. It was a great throw up to that point
    Hard to snatch almost 230 pounds with zero shoulder strength

  219. Maybe I’ll just stick to powerlifting.

  220. Dude

  221. >> I didn’t boil them, but that was my mistake.

    At least they were clean.

    Seriousness, some of the funniest shit that ever happened in my life was shit with you.

  222. >>>Seriousness, some of the funniest shit that ever happened in my life was shit with you.

    We really need to get together again soon.

  223. In all seriousness, he might be high during the interview.

  224. Leon
    Powerlifting was just getting started way back then
    Pay Casey had the world record bench press at 600 pounds. I believe
    Such a quaint number, these days

  225. Did anybody try to get anybody else’s favorite hobby banned today?

  226. 600lb without exogenous testosterone is still mighty impressive.

  227. I just remember the look on your face when I asked you “uh, did you cook these?” So confused, *you’re supposed to cook, no these are peel and eat and.. oh*.

  228. I never really worked on my bench press. so it sucked
    I just liked lifting stuff over my head,
    However. my best clean and press ( still one of the three Olympic lifts when I started) was better than my best bench, strange to say

  229. I think there’s a bald eagle in the giant maple at the back of the yard. I saw it land out of the corner of my eye- huge wingspan- but just see a partial silhouette now (it is on the other side of the tree, no leaves, but branches in the way). Whatever it is seems to be about half my height or nearly so. Hard to really gauge from this distance.

    Could be a great big owl, too. That would make more sense since it is dusk and there’s no nest up there.

  230. Gulf skrimps are pink when raw. Not blue like the regular kinds.

    Don’t be fooled, kiddos

  231. My bench just sucks because I’m weak and feeble.

  232. Cyn, I know that good teachers are few and far in between. I was never under the impression that educating my kids is a responsibility I can give up to schools. I am aware that my wife and I have to do it.
    Everyday from 5 to 9.30 pm she does nothing but teach them stuff.

    At some point we may have to consider the Mrs going part time or sta home completely. I am willing to consider moving to a homeschooling friendly state.

  233. Tushar,

    Move to Texas. Build a compound.

  234. Dude

    I thought to myself “no way it could be that, no one would say that”

    But he did. On Special Report. Not even O’Reilly or Hannity, but to Bret Baier.

    Wow.

  235. Me and Jack lifted a car once. a big one!

  236. At some point we may have to consider the Mrs going part time or sta home completely.

    SHHHHHHHH! What if Amanda Marcotte heard that?

  237. I want to move. Texas, Florida and NC are current contenders, with Florida at the top as of now.

  238. Tushar, you can check out Wyzant independent tutors, too. One of my friends does tutoring on the side for them. Quite reasonable.

    And one of our friends is working at a medium-size private tutoring facility in NJ, but not close to you. You might check out that sort of arrangement.

  239. Laura, I will. Thanks.

    Btw, whose turn it is to push Dave into water and blame wiser?

  240. >>>So confused, *you’re supposed to cook, no these are peel and eat and.. oh*.

    See, they sell frozen pre-cooked shrimp that just need to be thawed and frozen un-cooked shrimp that you thaw and cook.

    I was barely awake when I was tasked with the prep of the shrimp.

    IT WASN’T MY FAULT!!!!

  241. Wait… you cannot homeschool in NJ?

  242. Cyn, there are enough things wrong about NJ that I have not bothered to find out if they allow home schooling.

  243. Also, NJ is a high cost state and one parent staying home to homeschool the kids is not easy. It might easier in a state with a better cost of living.

  244. When the boys entered school, I shifted to the very bleeding edge of full time (and this job lets me get away with working weekends too) and have been able to shuttle the boys to school and help them with their homework. As they are getting older, this will soon no longer be necessary and I will be able to kick it back into high gear moneywise.

  245. *Clinks glasses with Cyn*

    Here’s to the future, Babe. Cheers!!

  246. Whoa, Tushar, what I am not understanding is what time that teacher left your son in the classroom. Did she leave early at 3:00 or do fuck-all like check her email for half an hour and ignore your kid so her mind was not on him when she left at 3:30?

    That is something I would demand to be explained minute by minute. The bullshit answer will be rehearsed and laughable, but she needs to be pinned and wriggling.

  247. I just got off the phone with the Principal. She apologized profusely. I was polite but made sure she understood that I am extremely concerned. I already extracted a concession that my kid will sit in his brother’s classroom during those 30 minutes. Tomorrow I am going to go to school make them squirm.

  248. Sounds like that got handled just perfectly, Tushar. And that the principal was apologetic is a good sign that she gives a damn what happens on her watch.

    My son was to have stayed at the school for group piano lessons once a week, but got on the bus by mistake. I (and the school staff) were quite panicked for close to 20 minutes until the bus dropped off my son and then we all knew he was okay. The teacher he had that was to have seen to it that he went to piano tried to push it off on HIM, that HE was old enough to have known where he was supposed to be. Yeah riiiight.

  249. Squirm baby Squirm! And the boy needs to be escorted to his brother’s classroom, too.

    I can’t wait to hear the explanation for this.

  250. Lipstick, I will keep you all posted.

  251. It is a miracle and a blessing that Tushar’s boy stayed put for that long.

  252. hmmm, regarding kids walking out of school, it would be dangerous in case of fire to keep all the doors locked, though.

  253. Good result Tushar.

    If you move to NC, I can get you a job at BOA. You just need to hang out near my building at 3pm, then walk back in with everyone else.

    Then start telling people what to do.

  254. Lauraw, the boy in question is the one who was in my left hand in the crazy dad video. I have taken the video down now.

  255. >>If you move to NC, I can get you a job at BOA. You just need to hang out near my building at 3pm, then walk back in with everyone else.
    Then start telling people what to do.

    Ha ha! I will yell at them in browntongue. Brown people bow to authority quite easily.

  256. Hey, the Big Mooch had a swanky spa weekend with the girls.

    http://www.michellesmirror.com/2014/04/michelle-visits-virginia-spa-in.html

  257. Dave?

  258. I had to make a run to the drugstore. Mrs Dave has a terrible chest cold. I’m trying to avoid it (I tried to avoid it so much I left town for 3 days).

    Wiser, you said we need to get together soon. I agree with you and normally you’re wrong about everything.

  259. pep, Si.

  260. Tushar I scrolled up and saw the thing about your kid. I am so sorry. There ain’t much worse for a parent than a traumatic thing like that for their kid (there are worse things, we shall not speak of them because they are unspeakable). I’m glad the P demonstrated remorse and all we need now is for them to tighten up their shit,

    Hope Mrs. T is better, I’m sure she was totally not good.

  261. *also tacklehugs lipstick since I’m owning now*

  262. WOO-HOO!

    *pretends to run away from the tacklehug, but makes sure not to run too fast*

  263. I have a bionic knee I can jump over sofas if I have to.

    How you doin sweetness?

  264. Thanks, Dave. The Mrs was on the verge of tears while detailing the incident to the principal. She was better by the time I calmly expressed my expectations to the Principal.

    Here is what I think will happen next: whenever there is a failure, it can be attributed to failure of policy, failure of personnel or a combination of both.

    Now, it is in the interest of the higher ups to mark this up as a failure of personnel. Because the blame for a failure of policy will land at their own doorstep. So I believe some reprimand for the personnel involved is to be expected.

    I have let the Principal know that I keenly await the results of her investigation and the steps taken.

  265. Getting on, you know. Mapping out the ol’ new life thing. It will be good cause I’m a fortunate beeyoch.

  266. Here’s a suggested good outcome, a profuse apology to mom but followed up by profuse action to regain the trust of your kid.

    This is about him. Someone let him down and he needs to know they won’t let him down again.

    Broader parenting perspective, cause I made a shitload of mistakes: Children have the most amazing capacity for forgiveness. They want to forgive, they need to love and trust (parents, teachers, important people in their lives). You can fuck up. If you own it and make it right it heals them,

    It heals us too but that’s a side benefit. What you do after you make the mistake is everything to them.

  267. I’m sure the teacher’s union will care deeply about this example of neglect and endangerment

    Not

  268. You are? I was gonna say I’m fortunate cause you’re my friend Lippy but that sounded a little braggy.

    Well tough shit I am. Hang in there toots.

  269. So this sick SOB lives in Fort Worth:

    http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/national-international/Fort-Worth-Vet-Accused-of-Keeping-Dog-Alive-for-Transfusions-257225231.html

    How does someone DO that to animals and their owners? WTF?

  270. I thought of you when reading about that, TiF. Thought that maybe you can go egg his house.

    Evil bastard — I would love to see him get jail time. Years of it. And that is a mellowing of my earlier thought of just frying him, so I’m being all nice n shit.

  271. Dave, great point about how the real wrong was done to the child. I was thinking about the amends that need to be made to the parents. (Not that they still don’t as well.)

    And, thanks. *muah*

  272. Great point about children and forgiveness, Dave.

  273. Mom and dad are due, but if they don’t fix the wrong to the kid then it ain’t right. The funny thing is if they fix it he’ll forget but they never will

    also smoochies. Bedtime for Dave. Enough of my silly parenting thing. Eldest has a meth house and youngest is on her third baby daddy. My advice sucks!

  274. Congratulations on the third grandchild Dave. And the meth house. You lead a productive family.

  275. Eldest always understood the value of top line revenue.

    *snif* HONK!

  276. Just one meth house?

  277. >>Just one meth house?

    I will hook you up with my mortgage financier guy, Dave. You just have to call it an investment property. Pretty soon, you will have a dozen.

  278. Franchise opportunities available.

  279. Financier sounds really gay.

  280. Scott, I still have some residual Indian English (UK English, basically) in me. If I am not careful, I end up using words like colour and labour.

  281. Good job MJ, B+

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i4DUASq60M

  282. I don’t know how you learned English Tushar. That had to be hard.

  283. Bret looked like he wanted to power clean dude-dude during that interview. We were so amazed we watched the whole thing twice.

  284. Comment by MJ on May 1, 2014 7:49 pm
    In all seriousness, he might be high during the interview.
    ******

    Chances are he is high/drunk/ under the bus right now.

    Who ok’ed his appearance on Fox?

  285. Scott, I am fluent in three languages, alright in one and can kinda understand three more. A little UK English won’t kill me.

  286. English is all I know and I suck at it. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to learn as a second language.

  287. Scott, it does not matter if you grow up with a language. My mom tells me I knew 150 English words at the age of two. She and Dad taught me those, ofcourse. It does not feel like a foreign language to me.

  288. They tried to teach me French in high school. They failed.

  289. Speaking Mississippian makes it four languages. Tushar

  290. I am fluent in Ohioan.

  291. French is more useful than it seems.

  292. Yinzeese.

  293. Apparently “slippy” is a western PA thing. “Watch out, that ice is slippy!”

  294. They could have been saying is Lippy.

    You should take credit for it.

  295. Lippy:
    I read somewhere on some link that PA is the most linguistically rich state

    Having lived all over the Deep South and even in da Bronx in my babyhood ( before we moved back down to Tejas), I wonder if that is true..

  296. It rich, yuns.

  297. I read somewhere on some link that PA is the most linguistically rich state

    That’s interesting, I’ll try to look that up.

    And Scott, that sounds like an excellent idea that will go down really well.

  298. Italics fail

  299. I will be the first to wish MJ a happy birthday.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQlhGT2VMOQ&feature=youtu.be

  300. Everybody else must hate MJ.

  301. Italians don’t always fail, but boyo those Frenchies! whoaaa Lippy.

  302. Sorry Scott
    I was busily putting my androconial organ to good use

  303. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwipCJoWpsQ

  304. Well, hello there, bottle of vodka I forgot I had. Wanna snuggle and watch some One Tree Hill?

  305. Wonder when I’ll find paradise
    Somewhere there’s a derp sweet and nice
    Wonder if I’ll find happiness
    Never give it up now I guess

  306. Morning, cildren.

  307. “h” Insert in previous comment where appropriate.

  308. No H! No Peace!

    *starts drum circle

  309. Wait, crap, is it still Thursday?

    Dammit.

  310. I’m sorry, but Kate Upton’s ass deserves no attention.

    It’s basically nonexistent.

  311. Wakey wakey

  312. 5 lbs down this morning.

  313. I’m up 6, but most of that is water and glycogen.

  314. Yea, I don’t know if that’s my true weight. Merely my weight for the moment.

  315. Pat says I look like I’ve lost. Who knows.

  316. On someone your size, that’s real weight. I’m 170 pounds and my weight fluctuates 5 pounds or so. On you that would be like 8 or 9 pounds. That’s outside the range of water weight.

  317. Fresh bread rising. White bread with some tahini in it.

    *avoids meeting Carin’s eyes*

    Diet starts after final exams.

    Say, Leon, are sesame seeds ok with paleo folks? It makes a mighty nice toasted nut butter, and it is a little bitter, not sweet.

  318. I like fresh bread.

  319. Of course you do, ya cute little tyke.

    *tickles MJ*

    *is arrested for pedophilia*

  320. *prepares scale for after finals weigh-in

  321. Sesame seeds are fine, I’ve seen them used in recipes. I wouldn’t go nuts with them, but a dab here and there should be fine.

  322. Where I work , we serve this wonderful fresh bread. I never eat it, ever. I like bread, but I am impervious to its power through hours, weeks, months of training.

  323. Bread doesn’t even tempt me any more. I had some for our last Day of Reflection because a 90yo nun made it and I didn’t want to be mean. Felt bizarre in my mouth. No thanks.

  324. Bronies are real? WTF?

  325. I’ve met them.

    Oh, and happy birthday, MJ. At least that’s what LinkedIn tells me.

  326. I’m sorry, but Kate Upton’s ass deserves no attention.

    Needs more ropey veins.

  327. Pupster, I die now.

  328. Happy Birthday MJ, your cake is out front.

  329. *writes MJ a birthday card while still in jail*

    *this violates court order; time is added to my sentence*

  330. Needs more ropey veins.

    No, just needs, I dunno, some ass. Compare her to Gina Carano and tell me I should bother looking at Kate’s hiney.

  331. Happy birthday, MJ! Hope you get something good.

  332. Benny found one of Ellen’s (RIP) rawhides that got lost under the futon. He hasn’t been this quiet and focused in his entire life.

  333. Since I’m same sex, that means I won’t be prosecuted, right laura?

    *remembers I’m a white male

    FUUUUUUUUUUU…….

  334. Oh, and happy birthday, MJ. At least that’s what LinkedIn tells me.
    ——————
    I stared a new one. Can you email me your real name again, or search for me and connect?

  335. I stare at the computer a lot too, MJ.

  336. Will look for you.

  337. Invite sent. I should really add a picture to mine someday.

  338. You mean it isn’t the one that’s on here?

  339. I should use the Benny on the couch pic.

  340. Happy birthday MJ. In celebration of your birthday, I’m going to clean my laundry room then go to work.

    All for you, little buddy!

  341. No, I did not use a topless shot for LI, Jay.

  342. I’m not here to defend Kate Upton’s ass.

    Dammit.

  343. Is anyone here to do a Friday poat? Because that guy’s a hero.

  344. Benny was quiet and focused right up until he climbed the stairs and pooped on the carpet.

  345. Do we get a short joke on WATR this week, or is wiser vacationing in the Dominican Republic with Charlie Rangel again?

  346. MJ’s got teh bewbs this week but he probably forgot now that he’s old.

  347. Thanks leon.

  348. Oh right. Working on that now.

  349. *slides cans of Ensure and prunes down the bar*

  350. I emailed and asked my sister if she remembered that incident in that one Catholic school in Hartford when we were kids, and all these other horrible crap memories of that place came pouring out of her. God, they were awful people there. I never got the idea while there that the teachers or nuns liked kids at all. Sis had it worse because she was two grades ahead of me and spent more time in the place.

    Telling little kids the devil was gonna get them, showing us a wooden rail coming out of the wall and telling us they hang bad kids there, whipping kids with belts, letting us hear the screaming. Horrid. Bunch of fucking assholes. My little sister went there briefly, a decade later and similarly hated it. I should ask her one of these days about what happened to her there.

  351. My school had a spanking machine in the boiler room.

  352. MJ’s got teh bewbs this week

    I hope he’s taking something for that.

    Like pictures.

  353. Good morning, cool kids and a birthday dude.

  354. Happy birthday, MJ.

  355. Happy birthday, MJ! ♥♥♥

  356. Leon, seriously – get a baby gate to put at the bottom of the stairs. They have some that have a “door” on them so that the humans don’t have to climb over it.

  357. Yeah, Leon, you’re going to need one someday anyway.

  358. Baby gate’s on the weekend shopping list. I’ve got no time until tomorrow evening.

    I’m less and less sure I’ll need it for anything else, but we need it for the dog, and the cats can get around it pretty easily. Though Max will not enjoy slipping through the railing with his vast size.

  359. Baby gate killed it?

  360. Aisle 17, just past the tie downs.

  361. Headlines – Payrolls Surge!

    8 paragraphs down – 800,000 leave labor market.

  362. Boobs have arrived.


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