Absolutely Faaaabulous Daaaahling

IMPOTENT UPDATE!!!!!

360 Comments

  1. Hi.

  2. Good morning. I have a tight schedule today. Making rice now for dinner, which I have to eat at like 430 so I can make it to 6pm mass. Have to be at a meeting at 830am. Have to lift at around 1pm. Somehow have to get like 8 or so hours on the clock.

    And tonight after mass we’re getting the puppy.

  3. Oh, crap, and I probably have to trim and shave today.

    I don’t think the 8 hours on the clock is happening.

  4. All of that seems doable from my perspective, which is the place where I am not doing it.

  5. You crack on day 17. It has been foretold.

    Day 17? No way. Either I crack early, or not at all.

    I’m good so far. Easter will be a no-brainer, since I’m working. I’ve talked everyone into bringing treats, so I’m bringing Paleo stuff.

    Yes,everyone will hate me, but whatever.

  6. Rice for dinner?

    *subtracts 5 points on Leon’s excel spreadsheet.

    I am SO winning this.

  7. Are bacon-wrapped dates paleo?

  8. My day is less busy, but it does involve driving kids to /from school and to/from soccer practice.
    Crackfat too. I may try to get some yard work in.

    Food for thought – what if I become a Paleo nut in addition to crackfat?

    The paleo stuff is through the gym, but – really – leon did the ground work on that, so that would be on him.

    *prepares to be the most POPULAR GIRL ON H2

  9. I would imagine they are. I’m going to make a coco/date ball for Sunday.

  10. Look at ME. I’m killing the blog already.

  11. I just saw that one of my darling children wrote, on my food log, “mom, you crazy”

  12. Bacon-wrapped dates scream Hunter-Gatherer to me.

    So, sure!

  13. Jewstin’s folks sent him this old family photo

    http://tinyurl.com/kb3dvso

  14. Tastes like chicken.

  15. Holy crap.

    Today’s crackfat workout. I may die. This may be the end of me.

    The “Bull” (named after a Marine who lost his life)
    2 Rounds for time of:
    200 Double-Unders
    50 Overhead Squats, 135#
    50 Pull-ups
    1-Mile Run

    I don’t even know where to begin scaling this.

  16. Are bacon-wrapped dates paleo?

    You’d never find them in nature, but both are okay individually. They are popular at crackfat/paleo gatherings, but personally I’d call anything that mixes carbs and fat a treat rather than an everyday food.

  17. I don’t even know where to begin scaling this.

    Here you go:
    Watch girl in yoga pants get sweaty doing WOD
    squats, 3×5, 275#
    press, 3×5, 125#
    chin-ups, 3×5 with 45# extra weight
    walk home from gym

  18. I just saw that one of my darling children wrote, on my food log, “mom, you crazy”

    Meijer had dried beef lung in the pet food department. Dog treats.

    INGREDIENTS: BEEF LUNG

    It’s not as tasty as I hoped, but it’s not bad. I’m sure the puppy will love it.

  19. I think the scale of Overhead squat for women is 95, but I can’t do that either. I think my max is something like 82 or so? Maybe 85. but that’s max.

    To hit 50? shesh. I dunno. 65? Less maybe. Probably.

  20. Beef lung? Pass.

  21. Good morning, cool kids.

  22. Morning, children.

  23. I’d go with just the bar, then, Car in. Your delts are going to be in lactic-acid fatigue before you get far into that absurdly long set.

  24. I had ice cream for breakfast.

  25. Beef lung? Pass.

    I just wanted you to be able to tell your kids that you are more normal than someone.

  26. *subscribes to Scott’s newsletter again*

  27. 50 Pull-ups

    Bullshit. Seriously. The only way to do this is kipping.

  28. I could do them for real, but it’d take me at least 5 sets with rest between. “For time”? Pfft. 15 minutes just for that.

  29. Yes, the bar is an option. Or a plate. And yes, this is going to take a long time. You can do rests, of course, or kip.

    I looked up the competative times for this, and it was 40+ minutes. It’s supposed to be one of the hardest workouts .

  30. She even gave the option of air squats, but I don’t want to be completely wimpy.

  31. Really?

  32. And I’ll probably do jumping pull-ups. ANd it will still take me a while. The 200 double unders is going to suck, but I do have the option of 500 singles.

  33. Dear God, make them stop.

  34. Look, Hotspur, I was here FOREVER and no one was around.

    This is what you get when you leave me (and Leon) alone at the H2.

  35. I used to weightlift in competition and I still don’t know what you people are talking about

  36. Texas … srsly? you’re only encouraging me.

    DU – are jump ropes where you spin the rope twice for one jump. Overhead squat – press weight OVER your head, then squat. The rest should be easy.

    Kipping is an easier (although more cardio) form of pull up.

  37. My workout today will take about 90 minutes. Horizontal push and pull. Maybe some shrugging.

  38. I have no idea what a double-under is.

  39. Overhead squats are something CFHQ invented from watching snatches, TJ. They take a part of what’s supposed to be a quick movement done in very low volume and then roll it up in a blunt and smoke it nice and hot and then poke themselves in the eye with it.

  40. Overhead squat helps your snatch. It’s basically just one part of the snatch.

  41. ^^ Things that sound dirty but aren’t. ^^

  42. Snatches help your snatch even more. I don’t believe real Oly lifters ever train OH squat.

  43. I’m working with a new contractor on some projects in Nashville. we carpooled to the job site from a very stressful meeting, and while talking about what just happened I spoke my mantra out loud:

    “My life is awesome, I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

    She called me Stuart Smalley for the rest of the day. Funny.

  44. They do practice hang snatches and power snatches, though.

  45. Since everyone is posting this crap…

    Today’s workout:

    100 Hawks
    100 Rakes
    First five solo plays 3x
    10 minutes of the flow drill.

    All with a 4.5 lb steel bar.

  46. Well, if you guys insist an talking about snatch, what’s Obama up to today?

  47. I was mistaken, Oly guys do train overhead squat. In sets of three.

    http://www.catalystathletics.com/workouts/

  48. …with…

  49. …with…

    I’m at a loss, from whence is this missing?

  50. I am picking up at an auction house today, so that means about 100 new customers and a crap-ton worth of work.

    Shit hits the fan today.

    And now that I am too busy to do anything else? I am being awarded every job I have bid on in the last 2 months.

  51. Other paleo hors doovers ideas: I made bacon-wrapped baked sweet potato slices for a holiday thing and my family snarfled them right up, too.

    Little meatballs on toothpicks with some kind of savory sauce. Little sesame chicken skewers are pretty easy and quick to grill up en masse if you have one of those locking wire trays for doing small stuff on the grill.

    And of course, people always attack a nice big tray of crudites on ice.

  52. Lakefront. Neighbors have geese.

  53. I’m a big fan of deviled eggs as orrdervs. Homemade mayo is a must.

    Homemade chipotle mayo is just plain overachieving for these.

  54. I’m going to make deviled eggs with avocado instead of mayo. I may have mentioned this?

  55. Doin’ it wrong. Do this and you can blow up Pinterest with photos and stuff.

    http://www.fitsugar.com/Baked-Eggs-Avocado-Recipe-30787252

  56. I have been checking out flood data. That water has reached this property 7 times in the last 100 years.

    Nothing since 1987.

    Must be global warming.

  57. Global Drying.

  58. Global Drinking.

  59. Good morning! Been to breakfast this morning with a buddy whose mentally ill daughter is giving him fits. Much heavier stuff than I wanted to start my day with. Now, I’ve got odds and ends to attend to for the day, and I’m ready for a nap already.

    I have no paleo to add. I did fight last night, though, and I was slow. I’m feeling stiff today, too. I didn’t stretch enough after my workout, and I didn’t stretch this morning, and I’m paying the price.

  60. My abs are sore today from Tuesday’s deadlifts.

    A guy actually asked me for tips after watching my top sets.

  61. Global Drinking is real, and it’s very possibly the greatest force holding back the scourge of Islam.

  62. I really like Postmodern Jukebox’s music, but, dangit, why does that crew have to be full of lefties? Not only that, why does the creative force behind it have to put out vids mocking conservatives? I’d actually buy some of their music if they weren’t such turd burglars about politics.

    That said, PMJ does a cool version of “Careless Whisper” that I can’t get out of my head. Dave Koz (yeah – smooth jazz Dave Koz) is funny and really, really good in it, and I love the gal who sings – she’s got pipes, a great figure, and she’s just sessy:

  63. My abs are sore too. Deadlifts and butterfly situps are the culprit.

  64. L to R:

    H2, Leon & Car In

    http://tinyurl.com/o8avqqv

  65. Would you prefer to talk about raised-bed gardening or standing-desk carpentry, Wiserbutt?

  66. Let’s talk about top load versus front load washers.

  67. Would you prefer to talk about raised-bed gardening or standing-desk carpentry, Wiserbutt?

    if only to break up the monotony, sure….

  68. I prefer top loaders.

  69. I had to look up what a crudite was.

    Turns out I’ve eaten crud(ite) before.

  70. I know what we can talk about – someone esplain this “Game of Thrones” thing.

    I’m trying to read the dang book, but I can’t keep everyone straight. I don’t understand who hates who.

  71. I don’t understand who hates who.

    Everyone.

    There, I just saved you hours of your life.

    (full disclosure: I haven’t read them either nor do I plan to.)

  72. I just bought this one for about $150 less than advertised at the LG site:

    http://www.lg.com/us/washers/lg-WT1201CV-top-load-washer

    My front loader has been around for 10 years of hard work. Even more so since Paula and the boys have lived here. I’ve never seen so much laundry FFS. The Depot delivers 4/29.

  73. Carin, Air squats? Is that doing squats without weights? Yeah I do that.
    But I am 220 lb. which means me doing air squats and you doing squats with 120 pounds is the same thing.

  74. Squats

  75. Carin, it doesn’t matter since they’ll all be dead within a book or two.

  76. Carin, from my friend who read all the GoT books published (the series isn’t done yet because the author is a slacker), he said you’ve got to get about three books into it before it all starts to get cohesive. The investment is too steep for me to even remotely find the effort appealing.

  77. You’d be better off reading Dune. Same amount of royal intrigue, no George deRR Martin.

  78. Turn on the TV and grab a bowl of ice cream.

  79. Jazz, I feel the same way about PMJ. Great group, and the lead singer is a cutie-pie, but the left-wing douchebaggery prevents me from buying their album.

  80. you’ve got to get about three books into it before it all starts to get cohesive.

    This. There is a LOT going on, and a lot of storylines to keep track of. The books after A Game of Thrones are a little more focused.

    I really liked the books. Couldn’t predict what was gonna happen.

  81. GRRM claims he has two more books, but I think he’s full of it. I have the same problem with it that I did with WoT, the author had some vague idea where they wanted to go with the story, but then let the damn thing wander. You’re telling me in the fifteen (twenty) years that he’s been writing the series, he couldn’t take a freaking week to plot out the story?

  82. Couldn’t predict what was gonna happen.

    From what I’m reading, it seems that neither could the author.

  83. http://youtu.be/ApmvDU5RmyY

    I know this guy is a flaming leftard douche, but he is funny as hell.

  84. I’m waiting for the Cliff Notes version to not read. It’ll save me some time.

  85. I don’t understand who hates who.

    Everyone hates everyone at some point or another in the story. Just keep going, you’ll get the hang of it.

  86. WoT wore me down. I just couldn’t take anymore of Rand. I wanted him kilt.

  87. Everyone hates everyone at some point or another in the story. Just keep going, you’ll get the hang of it.

    So, if I’m reading you right here, GoT is like the H2 set in medieval times….

  88. This pot pie is making me hungry.

    * orders 2nd pot pie *

  89. And speaking of Absolutely Fabulous…..

    http://tinyurl.com/op6oxg3

  90. If you like medieval shit, read Pillars of the Earth. It’s fucking awesome, and won’t take up the rest of your life.

  91. I heard is was medieval Breaking Bad without the meth.

  92. >>So, if I’m reading you right here, GoT is like the H2 set in medieval times….

    Ok, medieval times were bad, but not anything as vicious as H2!
    **straps Leon to an iron maiden and turns the levers

  93. I heard is was medieval Breaking Bad without the meth.

    I had read that it was a medieval version of Happy Days, without Sticks.

  94. **straps Leon to an iron maiden and turns the levers

    *logs Weightlifting: Other on Fitocracy*

  95. Ha ha ha! Good one, Leon.

  96. Putin is talking about invasion of Alaska. He is not interested, but he is brazenly discussing it.
    Goes to show how weakened America’s position in the world has become.

  97. I know this guy is a flaming leftard douche, but he is funny as hell

    IMO, David Cross is a mean-spirited fucktard, which makes his “comedy” appear shallow and pathetic. All I see is an unfunny ape. I really have a strong, strong visceral revulsion to him.

  98. WoT wore me down. I just couldn’t take anymore of Rand. I wanted him kilt.

    By the end he annoyed me as well. Jordan took pains to make him stupid at the end. Personally, I think the series would have been better if the Seanchen had been removed entirely. They weren’t necessary.

  99. Leon, I read Dune years and years ago. I believe I read the entire series that followed, each one more disappointing than the previos.

  100. I’m reading it because I’ve been a bad non-fiction reader for a while. I wanted something that would grab me.

  101. I wanted something that would grab me.

    *ahem*

    Pillars of the Earth

  102. Dune is one of those books that works very well if you don’t know what happens to the characters afterwards. The story ends at the perfect spot, IMHO.

  103. I just came to a definitive conclusion: On the whole, I prefer Tchaikovsky to Beethoven. No need to discuss. Just an FYI.

  104. I wanted something that would grab me.

    *ahem*

    Xbrad

  105. IMO, David Cross is a mean-spirited fucktard, which makes his “comedy” appear shallow and pathetic. All I see is an unfunny ape. I really have a strong, strong visceral revulsion to him.

    okay.

  106. I wanted something that would grab me.

    Time with a handsy lech would be much quicker and probably more fun.

  107. Sorry, wiser – I’m feeling a bit … sharp (?) this morning.

  108. Time with a handsy lech would be much quicker….

    I already said “Xbrad.”

    … and probably more fun.

    Oh.

    Never mind then.

  109. Sorry, wiser – I’m feeling a bit … sharp (?) this morning.

    No worries. I know that Cross is a vile, hate-filled little fucktard, but he does make me laugh. I thought his character on AD was the perfect role for him. A clueless little asshole who everyone barely tolerates.

    It’s almost as if the role was written specifically for him.

  110. The funniest thing about David Cross is Allen Covert’s parody of him in Little Nicky.

  111. Putin is talking about invasion of Alaska.

    If things keep up like this much longer, he’ll have quislings ready to help on the inside, if he doesn’t already.

  112. I had heard about Sam Adams Utopias a while back, where someone said it was the greatest beer ever made.

    So I figured I would eventually track one down and try it.

    Ummmm…. or maybe not.

    http://www.brewbeerblog.com/2014/02/04/beer-review-sam-adams-utopias/

  113. Putin is talking about invasion of Alaska.

    The home of Sarah Palin??? GOOD!!!!!

    /leftist assholes everywhere

    If things keep up like this much longer, he’ll have quislings ready to help on the inside, if he doesn’t already.

    Ummmm, perhaps you misunderstood the meaning of the word “flexible”, comrade.

  114. His invasion of Nevada was just practice.

  115. No, I mean Alaskan natives who are all for becoming a Soviet rather than a State, because they perceive Moscow to be a less-demanding master than DC.

  116. Casa Solana Southwest Chicken Eggrolls are teh awesome.

    They serve them as an appetizer at the ghetto bar, and I would buy them for carryout then have them for lunch the next day.

    Funny story: so I asked them to order me some uncooked, which they happily agreed to do. Last night I picked them up. $88.25. The smallest size is a 15# box.

    Guess what I’m having for lunch for the rest of the year.

  117. Guess what I’m having for lunch for the rest of the year.

  118. Guess what I’m having for lunch for the rest of the year.

    Starting next week? Anything but Casa Solana Southwest Chicken Eggrolls.

  119. 1950’s Zoo footage. Amazing

  120. I’m having leftover pot pie for lunch.

    GoT –
    Martin is a fat liberal perv. By the time he totally pissed me off re: Jon Snow and Ghost, a lot of the story lines were getting tedious.

    I hope the dragons burn the whole useless shitlands down.

  121. *ahem*

    Pillars of the Earth

    Followed by World Without End. There’s a character named Caris, you’ll love it.

  122. Was that footage from your childhood, pups?

  123. I’m reading GOT first. Just deal with it people. Or I’ll start talking about crackfat/paleo/gardening.

  124. OK, I just ordered a used paperback copy of Pillars of the Earth for $3.84. It’s 980-something pages. See you guys in the fall.

  125. Parents of Justina Pelletier, the child abducted from her parents by the MA DCF, beg the state to let their captive daughter celebrate Easter

    http://www.humanevents.com/2014/04/16/pelletiers-beg-massachusetts-to-let-their-hostage-daughter-celebrate-easter-parents-file-habeas-corpus-motion/

  126. I loved Caris. If I could go back in time…

  127. A bunch of those militia folks ought to ride out to Massachussetts and abduct her back and take her back to CT, where she’s from.

  128. See you guys in the fall.

    Have fun with Tom and Jack Builder.

    No wonder HS loves that book.

  129. Was that footage from your childhood, pups?

    https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/482219264/hA2B629A8/

  130. Parents of Justina Pelletier, the child abducted from her parents by the MA DCF, beg the state to let their captive daughter celebrate Easter

    That is one of the most insane stories of our time.

    I’m just amazed that it isn’t getting more media coverage. The state basically kidnapped that girl from her family and refuse to return her.

    Just unbelievable.

  131. It’s 980-something pages.

    boy, are your lips gonna be tired….

  132. I’m reading GOT first. Just deal with it people.

    1. Entirely too long
    2. Too many subplots
    3. Liberal douchiness
    4. Not done, despite 15-20 years in the works.
    5. ROV= frustration and dissatisfaction

    By the time you’re done, you’re gonna be punching yourself in the poon for that commitment. But you know this already. Enjoy! ;-)

  133. Nice. Jewish people are told they must register themselves in E. Ukraine or lose citizenship, get deported, and have assets confiscated….while asshole and his side kick take selfies.

    http://tinyurl.com/ovgxqt4

  134. I’m reading GOT first. Just deal with it people.

    Some people learn from others’ experiences, others just need to touch that hot stove for themselves.

    Hope you don’t get burned too badly.

  135. I’m just amazed that it isn’t getting more media coverage.

    Media? We have a media?

  136. 3. Liberal douchiness
    4. Not done, despite 15-20 years in the works.
    5. ROV= frustration and dissatisfaction

    ^^That^^ and the perv factor.

    Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

  137. Media? We have a media?

    Yeah, and I am guilty of not mentioning it just as much as anyone else. I will do more research and definitely will start talking about it on SES.

    Unfortunately, the only people I’ve heard any in-depth coverage from are the people I consider to be just slightly untrustworthy and who always seem to leave important bits and pieces out of their telling of the story.

  138. >>>boy, are your lips gonna be tired….

    That’s what I told Paula when I let her know about the new washer

  139. Remember this car in? They used a BOOOSH head in one of the decapitation scenes of the movie.

    http://tinyurl.com/qxyeo3u

  140. It’s worse, they are using her for research. They can do that.

  141. Holy Grail of muscle cars found in dilapidated CT barn

    http://nypost.com/2014/04/17/holy-grail-of-muscle-cars-found-by-discovery-host-in-conn-garage/

  142. According to her dad she has lost the use of her legs and has receding hair and gums.

    She was playing sports before she got the flu.

  143. A director who used a fake Licorice Dick head in a beheading scene would be sent to reeducation camp.

  144. Obama dies onstage at appearance

    http://dailycaller.com/2014/04/17/obama-faces-unfriendly-audience-in-pennsylvania-video/

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  145. Scott, what I don’t get is that their research is obviously not working. Why do they continue?

  146. Gollum and Precioussssss are real,

    Whoopi Goldberg, perhaps looking for a journalistic outlet that’s a little different from The View, has just signed on as The Denver Post’s newest marijuana columnist….

    “As expected, Whoopi’s column provides a direct and personal perspective on marijuana use in this very modern era. We’re grateful that she is willing to add her voice to this conversation.”

    http://www.mediaite.com/online/whoopi-goldberg-is-the-denver-posts-new-pot-columnist/

  147. Dunno beasn. I get the feeling that nobody is willing to admit that they were wrong.

    Remember all the fuss about the Cuban kid in Florida?

    Nobody cares about this one. Her Dad has been all over talk radio begging for help.

    crickets

  148. Jazz, wanna bet all that money he is giving to ‘job training’ goes to sprucing up campus landscaping and salaries/bonuses.

  149. others just need to touch that hot stove for themselves

    In this case it’s more like licking that frozen pump handle.

  150. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

    Media Matters for America is apparently resisting an effort by Service Employees International Union Local 500 to unionize its staff.

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/media-matters-for-america-is-resisting-seius-effort-to-unionize-its-staff/article/2547370

  151. Good day, heads of chuckle.

  152. Jazz, wanna bet all that money he is giving to ‘job training’ goes to sprucing up campus landscaping and salaries/bonuses.

    Shovel ready!!!

  153. Lizzy Warren was HURT by the attacks on the veracity of her claims of Indian ancestry!!!!

    http://bostonherald.com/news_opinion/us_politics/2014/04/hits_on_ancestry_claims_angered_elizabeth_warren

    She still hasn’t provided any proof other than family lore, though

  154. Lieawatha

  155. Fauxcahontas.

  156. Of all the strategies Al Qaeda has tried, this one is the most sinister and has a very real chance of succeeding.

    http://www.theonion.com/articles/fbi-uncovers-alqaeda-plot-to-just-sit-back-and-enj,35788/

  157. The night Lizzy was conceived her old man, the Chief, turned to his squaw and said with a frown: “Right ball go ‘Ugh’, left ball go ‘Ugh’, rubber go ‘boom’.”

  158. Andrew McCarthy writes a great column on the Bundy dispute with the feds.

    http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/375924/bundy-and-rule-law-andrew-c-mccarthy

    He gets at the fundamental root of the problem, which has been the hallmark of the Obama presidency from its inception: An instrinsic disrespect for – and unequal application of – the rule of law. From the financial bailouts and the Chrysler and GM bankruptcies and the abandoned New Black Panther prosecutions to Shutdown Theater, the IRS scandals, Holder/DoJ contempt of Congress, Benghazi obfuscation, Obamacare “delays,” abdication of immigration enforcement, and the Bundy ranch showdown, this administration has been characterized by the capricious and partisan application of law. Right now, the law is whatever the enforcers say it is, and it’s hard to remain allegiant to sovereign’s arbitrary whims.

  159. I started Game of Thrones years ago. Somebody gave me the first 2 books. It’s pretty good, but……………GRRM, that fat little bastard, made some money, then got famous with the HBO series. Now he’s much too important to actually write. His fans demand that he attend every fucking “-con” at least according to him. Hopefully when he dies he’ll leave some notes so someone can finish it.

    Wheel of Time needed an editor to tighten it up. His wife was acting as the editor and didn’t do a good job.

  160. He’s been making private movies for a long time in the “X-Man-Boy-Lover” series…. X-Men director sodomizes minor males:

    http://variety.com/2014/film/news/x-men-director-accused-of-sexually-abusing-teenage-boy-1201158645/

  161. Geeeeee, who could have possibly imagined that a lesbian in the world of entertainment might be slightly unstable?

    http://tinyurl.com/nlrljns

    Although it is nice to see those in the gay community having to finally deal with the same shit that people in the straight community have dealt with for years due to marriage.

  162. Wiser, the lesbo article you linked has a link to this gem.
    No idea if this is true, but it is something that these lefty rags are even broaching the subject.

    http://www.designntrend.com/articles/12304/20140401/michelle-barack-obama-verge-divorce-after-epic-fight-over-first-ladys-china-vacation.htm

  163. He’s been making private movies for a long time in the “X-Man-Boy-Lover” series…. X-Men director sodomizes minor males:

    Hollywood has long been a cesspool filled with predators.

  164. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    Michelle is too classy to soil the President’s legacy, however, so she will divorce Barack as soon as his presidency is over.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  165. Somebody should buy that guy’s penis and gift it to Barack Obama.

  166. From wiser’s link:

    According to the Enquirer, “The 39-year-old star [Adler] is reeling from reports that her former lady love, TV producer Allison Adler, is furious she’s tied the knot with songwriter Linda Perry.”

    Um, what?

  167. So that website is basically National Enquirer by a different name?

  168. Um, what?

    SlutCat fight.

  169. SlutCat fight.

    Normally I’m all for a lesbian pillow-fight, but not this bunch.

  170. I feel a measure of pride in not knowing or caring who any of those people are

  171. {{shudders}}

  172. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

    http://news.msn.com/us/john-edwards-returns-to-court-practicing-law

  173. *fist bumps Jimbro.

    Me, too.

  174. Apparently this bastard is cheating on Mooch as well.
    I suspect with Valerie Jarret.
    She is exactly the kind of person who would love to stap on a strap-on and peg the mewling idiot.

  175. So he’s cheating on Reggie with two other people?

    What a jerk.

  176. Jesus, Tush, put down the word-paintbrush and just go back to linking disturbing pics. Please?

  177. Oh great. News is that he is fucking Beyonce.
    http://patdollard.com/2014/02/report-jay-z-divorcing-beyonce-over-affair-with-obama/

    At least JFK was classy enough to boink Marilyn Monroe.

  178. Apparently this bastard is cheating on Mooch as well.
    I suspect with Valerie Jarret.

    I’ve long suspected that there was some relationship between the two. She basically built him up from scratch when he arrived in Chicago, set him up with Michelle, and introduced him to the right people.

  179. You know, I’m partisan enough that I’m probably a little to the right of Albert Speer, but I’m not gonna sneer at anyone for allegedly getting their fucks on with Beyonce.

    I’m just saying is all.

  180. Rock Hudson was quite the ladies man, too.

  181. Rock Hudson was quite the ladies man, too.

    Bahahahahahah!

  182. Banancy and Beyonce – quite a ring to it

  183. So, um, my background investigation is happening now. If a fellow comes asking about me by either this name or the real one, please just be honest or decline to speak with him.

    Or tell horrible lies about me and I’ll lose my access and then my job and have to find some way to make money aside from the fact that I’m very trustworthy and moderately smrt.

  184. I’m not gonna sneer at anyone for allegedly getting their fucks on with Beyonce

    I wouldn’t do it myself, but yeah, if she were throwing it at me, my virtue would surely be tested. It’d be just about the only decision he’s made that I could relate to.

  185. and moderately smrt.

    I’ll just leave that here…

  186. XButt, I thought it was obvious that it was deliberate.

  187. I am not saying she is not fuckworthy. Just not classy.

  188. I don’t care who Obama is nekkid with, I have no doubt he’s catching. “PEG! It will come back to you!”

  189. Hehe, that story on Former Enron Advisor Paul Krugman™ at AOS is hilarious.

    http://minx.cc/?post=348615

  190. Xbutt? Is he not a butt anymore?

  191. Maybe that’s crossbutt, like crackfat.

  192. A quick image search on xbutt yielded this:
    (Safe and non disturbing image.)

  193. What happens at crossbutt…you know the rest

  194. You people are quite disturbing.

    …I like that.

  195. We’ll try to be quieter, lipstick.

    Sorry!

  196. No, don’t be quieter!

  197. I thought we were disturbing you!

    *is confused

  198. Although I do have that song “Peg” running through my head now.

  199. No, not disturbing. Amusing! Carry on.

  200. Just based on the evidence in my garden, where every single item that could have been used for a rodent shelter over the Winter was utilized as such (and specifically; everything I was overwintering under a plastic tent was eaten and turned into a connected series of subterranean larders/ vole mansions) – I am discontinuing plans to build a Winter garden hoophouse.

    The rodent populations encouraged by these mixed environs of lush local farm fields, forests, and many, many gardens mean that anything I could possibly cultivate in a sheltered Winter habitat will be eventually fouled or devoured.

    So there won’t be any Winter gardening tales to come from these quarters. I am sorry to disappoint you all. Please try to pick up the pieces of your shattered lives and carry on.

    On the other hand, that doesn’t mean I can’t build a secure little root cellar and tell you all about it. So, consolation prize for you! Yaayyyy

  201. ^^Not long enough to start a long quote response.^^

    FAIL

  202. Comment by lauraw on April 17, 2014 4:40 pm
    Just based on the evidence in my garden, where every single item that could have been used for a rodent shelter over the Winter was utilized as such (and specifically; everything I was overwintering under a plastic tent was eaten and turned into a connected series of subterranean larders/ vole mansions) – I am discontinuing plans to build a Winter garden hoophouse.

    The rodent populations encouraged by these mixed environs of lush local farm fields, forests, and many, many gardens mean that anything I could possibly cultivate in a sheltered Winter habitat will be eventually fouled or devoured.

    So there won’t be any Winter gardening tales to come from these quarters. I am sorry to disappoint you all. Please try to pick up the pieces of your shattered lives and carry on.

    On the other hand, that doesn’t mean I can’t build a secure little root cellar and tell you all about it. So, consolation prize for you! Yaayyyy

    Works just fine for me.

  203. You could just get a cat for the hoop house.

  204. Or some chickens. They eat bugs and rodents.

  205. Chickens under a plastic tarp in winter is against the law in New England.

  206. Jay, maybe I should have said ‘disturbed’ rather than ‘disturbing’. Yes, I should have. And also not said ‘amusing’ but that I was amused because reading the goofiness makes me smile.

    There was no schoolmarmishness intended.

  207. Chickens live in hoop houses in winter time all over this great land of ours.

  208. I’m just trolling, like the President. Don’t mind me, Lipstick!

  209. I want some of these rodent eating plastic tarp living hunter killer chickens. They sound cool.

  210. Snakes would fix that.

  211. Why won’t the flying monkeys take care of that? It’s not like they’re busy.

  212. Are snakes paleo?

    Or am I mixing up gardening and health topics?

  213. Between the flying monkeys, the rodent eating snakes, and the hunter killer chickens, laura’s place is shaping up nicely!

    Good work, people!

  214. DON’T CROSS THE STREAMS!

  215. The flying monkeys are a bunch of lazy fucktard entitlement free shit poo flingers.

  216. Question for you Hostages. Opinions on aluminum cased handgun ammo?

  217. If anyone is trying to get pregnant, this is not the right way.

    NSFW image!!

    http://www.parentsociety.com/pregnancy/18-awkward-and-mortifying-pregnancy-photos/8/

  218. I wouldn’t give ammo to Hostages. Makes them harder to keep Hostages.

  219. Snakes are paleo.

  220. Chickens eat rodents?

  221. Small ones. Snakes too.

  222. I should clarify, chickens will eat small snakes.

  223. And frogs, and crickets, etc.

  224. *sigh*
    Want chooks but with school and work I don’t think I have enough time for another hobby.

  225. Nice idea, though. Darnit.

  226. Speaking of pregnant, word over at Breitbart is that Chelsea Clinton is in the family way.

    If only that would keep Hillary off of the campaign trail….

  227. Leon, if someone were to find some dinosaur DNA and bring them back to life, would they be paleo?

  228. Chooks?

  229. If only that would keep Hillary off of the campaign trail….

    “off” the campaign trail??

    You think the Hill ain’t gonna exploit that child for all it’s worth??? Fuck that shit!! She’ll show that stupid snowbilly how to be a grandmother, alright! That kid is gonna have more FF miles before Nov. 2016 than Hillary got while SoS!

  230. Leon, I mentioned recently that I’ve gone back to playing a really old game – Alpha Centauri. It’s still a fucking blast. But today I found this:

    http://www.gamespot.com/articles/beyond-earth-takes-civilization-to-the-stars/1100-6418906/?utm_source=weekly_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=beyond-earth-takes-civilization-to-the-stars

    But it doesn’t launch until fall. :(

  231. I don’t deal in hypotheticals.

  232. ‘Chook’…archaic English slang for ‘chicken.’

  233. Some lefty douchetard was telling me that scientists are trying to clone woolly mammoth DNA in order to bring them back, because mammoths can turn glaciers into tundra which will be helpful when we overpopulate the planet.

    I posited that we don’t know if they would constitute an invasive species and might wipe out whales, or polar bears, or turtles, and she said I was just being contrary.

    I thought I was making a valid point.

  234. >> If only that would keep Hillary off of the campaign trail….

    Magic 8-Ball says: Dude

  235. mammoths can turn glaciers into tundra

    Bullshit. There are no glaciers because of global warming.

  236. Tushar, I looked. I liked the “Mombies” one where the one butt-ugly lesbo is wearing a “Stoner Bitch” shirt.

    So, so much fail in that pic set. What the hell? #8-14 are just ridiculous. And, at least two of those women could just pass for spending too much time at the Golden Corral.

  237. Let’s pussify our kids. It’ll make them stronger.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2607021/Nebraska-principal-sorry-dont-tattle-flier.html

  238. You think the Hill ain’t gonna exploit that child for all it’s worth??? Fuck that shit!! She’ll show that stupid snowbilly how to be a grandmother, alright! That kid is gonna have more FF miles before Nov. 2016 than Hillary got while SoS!

    This. I still think that Chelsea was strongly “encouraged” to marry her hubby due to the political benefits, and I have no doubt that there has been a lot of pressure for a grandchild precisely for the PR benefit. Poor Chelsea has probably spent many a Thanksgiving wondering why her mom keeps caressing the turkey baster everytime the subject of kids comes up.

  239. Never used anything but brass in handguns Bcoch. I’d try it if it was a lot cheaper but wouldn’t rely on it for anything but the range.

  240. What I got from this is that “beautimous” is “fat” in some American dialect.

  241. Your three chins are beautimous.

  242. Your beautimousness is causing the autocorrect on WordPress to go batshit.

  243. Afternoon.

  244. Howdy, Hebestin.

  245. *waits for Jew’s report*

  246. *checks the news wire*

  247. *jiggles the handle*

  248. Maybe he went fishing. Or played golf.

  249. Being coy.

  250. Check it out. Concealed carry / brass knuckles

  251. That’s tiny.

  252. http://imgur.com/gallery/9CTwitQ

  253. >>>That’s tiny.

    ……….

  254. Prolly just cold.

  255. http://imgur.com/gallery/9CTwitQ

    Ha! Ow.

  256. The inscription says ‘My friend patd Dec 26 1865’

    I put that in the google machine and it came up with a few articles.
    http://www.guns.com/2013/04/04/say-hell-to-my-little-friend-the-knuckleduster-ring-gun-of-the-catskills/

  257. That’s seriously pretty cool.

  258. Thanks Jimbro.

    The rest of you, you know what you can do.

  259. It can still be cocked and popped, after 150 years. Which is more than any of us will be able to say.

  260. Did Laura just insult all the male hostages?

  261. No; that was me.

  262. Crocked and propped?

    Sounds like me at a meat-up

  263. I think that there may even be a photo of that somewhere…

  264. Did anybody make up an outlandish yet still somewhat plausible anecdote about anybody else today?

  265. Your mom did.

  266. Ok, I’m freaked out.

    Saw a mouse last night. No biggie, get out the traps, set them by where I saw the little guy streak by. Baited with peanut butter.

    FF to today. One trap has all the peanut butter licked off, and the other one is GONE! Can’t find it.

    it wasn’t the cat, she’s asleep upstairs.

    So the mouse dragged it away? Snapped?

  267. Jay, they’re in the house!

  268. That’s a big mouse.

  269. He didn’t look very big last night. Maybe this is the momma rat.

  270. Baby Honey Badger.

  271. I’m waiting for him to come out, and say, “might I have a word, you asshole?”

  272. You should probably load the shotgun.

  273. You can’t be too careful, scott.

    *gets out the 00 buckshot

  274. http://i.imgur.com/4bd27F4.jpg?1

  275. You should probably load the shotgun.

    A missing trap calls for an RPG, for sure.

  276. The good news is that you should be able to hear the one walking around with a trap on his leg.

    thump thump thump thump t

  277. I’m sore.

  278. Ugh. Urgent Care.

    Urgent for you, but not for the staff.

  279. Obama is really farking up relations with Russia.

  280. Yikes. What’s wrong?

  281. Hope it turns out to be indigestion, xbutt!

  282. So, I’ve got some business partners on this internet venture, and we had a meeting last week at a local coffeehouse. It was my first time at this establishment, and the place is located directly across the street from the new-ish local campus of the infamous Cooley Law School. I learned a lot at this joint:

    1. Coffeehouse patrons are still by and large bohemian douchebags. This must be a ubiquitous, perennial problem, because no matter where I go in any part of the country, coffeehouses are always populated with douchebags in black jeans, untucked olive-green shirts, tortoise-shell or horn-rimmed glasses, and retro canvas converse shoes.

    2. Bohemian douchebags are still pretentious fucks.

    3. Law school students are even more insufferable than attorneys, and bohemian law school students have no reason to exist whatsoever.

    4. Sexual assault is wrong. Gender-specific humor is wrong. Natural, biological attraction is wrong. I learned all this from the 12′ “Sexual Assault Awareness Month” banner in the window, and the various disavowals of everything male conspicuously published on posterboards throughout the establishment.

    5. Coffeehouses are beta-male magnets. I’ve never seen a place with so many pussies with dicks. What a fucking bunch of estrogen vampires.

    I won’t attend another coffeehouse meeting. I can’t handle the company.

    Wall of text submission. Knock yourselves out.

  283. Lawyers suck.

    $20

  284. I’m fine. XMom had some intestinal issues, but they seem well on the way to being resolved. It just takes forever, even in a well run place.

  285. Well.

    Sexual assault *is* wrong.

  286. Sexual assault *is* wrong.

    I would hope that would be apparent without the need for a 12′ bannered coffeehouse endorsement.

  287. Sexual assault *is* wrong.

    Sure. Except the whiners in campus have redefined it to include everything from anal rape to a sideways glance at a girl 100yds away as you walk across campus.

  288. Drive by

  289. Sideways glance? YOU ANIMAL!

  290. PIV is rape! Keep your micro aggressions off my body! Meh.

  291. * chops off penis *

    * jumps out window *

  292. ‘Anal rape’ was always part of the definition, Xbrad.

  293. Except the whiners in campus have redefined it to include everything from anal rape to a sideways glance at a girl 100yds away as you walk across campus.

    Micro-aggressed sexual assault. “Penetrating glances” are just like rape.

  294. wtf did I walk into here

  295. This is amazing. This machine sells for roughly $4500.

    http://imgur.com/gallery/E0muN1u

  296. *looks at Dave sideways with a piercing gaze*

  297. So, I’ve got some business partners on this internet venture, and we had a meeting last week at a local coffeehouse. It was my first time at this establishment, and the place is located directly across the street from the new-ish local campus of the infamous Cooley Law School. I learned a lot at this joint:
    1. Coffeehouse patrons are still by and large bohemian douchebags. This must be a ubiquitous, perennial problem, because no matter where I go in any part of the country, coffeehouses are always populated with douchebags in black jeans, untucked olive-green shirts, tortoise-shell or horn-rimmed glasses, and retro canvas converse shoes.
    2. Bohemian douchebags are still pretentious fucks.
    3. Law school students are even more insufferable than attorneys, and bohemian law school students have no reason to exist whatsoever.
    4. Sexual assault is wrong. Gender-specific humor is wrong. Natural, biological attraction is wrong. I learned all this from the 12′ “Sexual Assault Awareness Month” banner in the window, and the various disavowals of everything male conspicuously published on posterboards throughout the establishment.
    5. Coffeehouses are beta-male magnets. I’ve never seen a place with so many pussies with dicks. What a fucking bunch of estrogen vampires.
    I won’t attend another coffeehouse meeting. I can’t handle the company.
    Wall of text submission. Knock yourselves out.

    ————————–

    You said rape twice.

  298. >> *looks at Dave sideways with a piercing gaze*

    *holds up a mirror until you explode*

    I was ready for your shit.

  299. Doobie doobie do. . .

  300. she’s done that to me before that’s why I was ready

    Holy shit has she given me the look before. Pure killin gaze.

    I didn’t do anything.

  301. I’ve got a sugar jones….

  302. I didn’t do anything.

    Famous last words

  303. medic

  304. CORPSEMAN

  305. That’s “corpsssssssssseman”

  306. Just walked in the door. I am home for two weeks.

    Two. Weeks.

    Gird your puppet loins.

  307. Two weeks???

    Fucking 1%er

  308. OWS, douchebag.

  309. Fool please, I was screaming for water houses and dogs to be turned loose.

  310. I gotta go to bed. TO BE CONTINUED.

    Ya’ll sleepy dreams well.

  311. >>>I gotta go to bed. TO BE CONTINUED.
    Ya’ll sleepy dreams well.

    I’ll be waiting.

    Night MJ.

  312. I saw Corpseman open for Presidential Faux Pas in 2010

  313. The best water houses are found in Atlantis

  314. Impossible, Presidential Faux Pas called it a career in early 2009.

  315. You’re right, brent – Corpseman opened for Bumbling Tyrant’s Gaffe in 2010

  316. 7am meetings mean NITE DAVE OUT

  317. I saw that as “water hoses”. I prolly shouldn’t google that.

  318. Nighty dreams, boys.

  319. It was meant to be water hoses Cyn, stupid autocorrect. Hoses and dogs. That’s what the hippies get. Hoses and dogs.

  320. Oh, well then I’m DEFINITELY not going to Google that.

  321. g’nite Cynny!

  322. Water hoses and dogs are the only way to get hippies clean

  323. Too cute, Jazzy; my sister used to call me that :)

  324. I’m not sure what I think about weiners to the face.

  325. It’s a compliment in some circles, I hear.

  326. I’ve always liked your sister, Cyn ;-)

  327. **decides to complement the heck out of Cyn in this circle**

  328. Just say no to weiner flogging!

  329. Just say no to water dogging.

  330. Or say yes if you’re kinda hungry.

  331. Just say no to water blogging.

  332. Blerg

  333. Blerg

    Preach it, sister!

  334. Benedict the pomadachsund is home now. He’s extremely clingy right now. Poor li’l guy.

  335. I love li’l pups, leon. Have fun!

  336. Our smallest cat is about 6 times his size.

  337. Don’t forget to add Benedict’s picture to Pets Held Hostage.

  338. Leon, hope the cats don’t get alarmed and attack him.

    Btw, how did you decide on the name Benedict?

    A family we knew had a dog named Benjamin. He was a very highbrow, prim and proper sort of dog. He would not bark at people who were not well dressed. He would just growl at them in disdain.

  339. I’ll add him tomorrow, XBrad.

    Tushar, I name my pets after German people. Tycho (RIP), Max, Klaus, Helga, and now Benedict.

  340. Oh man, just reading now about Hillary’s latest prop, so conveniently timed.

    And the Daily Mail has a flashback pic of Chelsea’s wedding and the groom looks like an insufferable prick who is thinking “Yeah, I’m going to get millions in the divorce”.

  341. Stop your fooling around
    Time you straighten right out
    Better think of your future
    Else you’ll wind up in derp

  342. Morning

    Coffee

    Work

  343. I rolled my eyes when my nephew’s wife fretted on FB about the Georgia competency test. She enrolled my great-neflings in special classes to prepare for this test and asked for prayers when they were taking it. I thought, “It’s just a standardized test, big deal.”

    Well, apparently, it’s a big f’in deal.
    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/04/17/Police-Meet-Georgia-Parents-Outside-Public-School-Told-They-Cannot-Opt-Children-Out-of-State-Test

  344. Morning, children. I keep waking up at 3:30 for no apparent reason.

  345. Also, the heavy-play ad on Fox with the teachers pushing Common Core pisses me off.

  346. I see boobs.

    **changes channel from MSNBC**

    **also, new poat**

  347. BOOOOOOOOOBS


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