The Rules of Conflict, according to the various American forces…

US Army Rules
Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. Have a plan. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won’t work.Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a “4.” Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.) Use cover or concealment as much as possible. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL’s Rules

Look very cool in sunglasses. Kill every living thing within view. Adjust speedo. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules
Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. Locate individuals requiring killing. Request permission via radio from “Higher” to perform killing. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
Marine Corps Rules
Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. Curse bitterly. Curse bitterly. Do not listen to 2nd Lieutenants, it can get you killed. Curse bitterly!
US Air Force Rules
Have a cocktail. Adjust temperature on air conditioner. See what’s on HBO. Ask “what is a gunfight?” Request more funding from Congress with a “killer” Power Point presentation. Wine & dine ‘key’ Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. Declare the assets “strategic” and never deploy them operationally. Hurry to make 13:45 tee time. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules
Go to Sea.
Drink Coffee.
Deploy Marines
*fuck it. I’ve been messing with the formatting forever. It is what it is.

256 Comments

  1. This is the worst poat evah.

  2. You forgot one for the Army. “Run to assembly point. Wait 17 hours to assemble.”

  3. Where are the pictures?

  4. Okay, here’s the next chapter of copy and paste:

    Today I got to do one of the coolest cases I’ve done in a long time. My patient was a young adult I’ve followed for 10+ years and, for a variety of reasons, has one leg shorter then the other. About 4 years ago I lengthened her femur using an old school method of distraction over an intramedullary nail. She still had to use a 6 cm external shoe lift which was clunky and she hated. Today I put in a relatively new device in her tibia called a PRECICE nail. This is an all inside nail with a gear inside turned by an external magnet she holds over the leg 3 times a day for a few minutes. The nail expands .33 mm each time for 1 mm per day. So, in 6 weeks she’ll be out to length. The old method required pins sticking out of the skin and the patient or parent has to turn a screwdriver 4 times a day (.25 x 4 for 1 mm/day). Pins can get infected, they’re bulky, kids don’t like them, etc.This is one of the jetpacks I’ve been waiting for.

    ****

    It’s kind of short, but we can make this work.

  5. I went to bed at 9pm last night. When the hell did I get old?

  6. Car in, when I started it I had good intentions of making it a more comprehensive account. The second to last line is where I said ta fuck with it.

  7. Bushmaster?

    Trigger word for me

    http://tinyurl.com/m2bjgz4

    (triggers excitement and urge to spend money)

  8. Morning, children.

  9. 1.4 percent have friends take care of their pubic hair; and 1.5 percent of women have their boyfriend or husband groom it for them.

    Those must be some friends.

  10. In France, it’s now illegal to answer work emails after 6 PM.

  11. Oh, and I am home for lunch.

    slackers

  12. In France, it’s now illegal to answer work emails after 6 PM.

    More time for landscaping.

  13. The frenchmen are a peculiar race.
    They fight with their feet,
    And fuck with their face.

  14. That one link of BCoch’s that’s dead is the longest link I think I’ve ever seen. I think he let a cat walk on his keyboard.

  15. France just emailed me to surrender to this post. It’s pretty aggressive.

  16. >>In France, it’s now illegal to answer work emails after 6 PM.

    More time for landscaping.

    hahaha!

    Good morning.

  17. Future hostage?

  18. More time for landscaping.

    Or “landscaping,” as it were.

  19. Future hostage?

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9HXUrfTGJKw/U0hx3dqvR3I/AAAAAAAAgaI/Fe9hJvoNxrg/s1600/Champagne.jpg

    Naaah. Just MJ at the last meat-up.

    Lush.

  20. Car in, when I started it I had good intentions of making it a more comprehensive account. The second to last line is where I said ta fuck with it.

    Someone needs to teach Jimbro how to do a wall-of-text correctly. Where is BiW when you need him?

  21. Back at home office, sorting through trip receipts and drinking coffee before I go home home.

  22. I wish I had the wife’s car today. Weather’s perfect for gardening, I could go get planters and soil and crap.

  23. What’s wrong with your vehicle?

  24. LinkedIn has suggested that I may want a job as a Pilates instructor.

  25. My Camry is too small to haul as much as I need to purchase.

    I might go tomorrow and make a purchase for delivery.

  26. Try it out Leon. The only potential loss is your self respect.

  27. You strike me more as a “Pontius Pilates” kind of instructor.

  28. http://tinyurl.com/lqxgvm8

  29. You strike me more as a “Pontius Pilates” kind of instructor.

    *washes hands conspicuously*

    *walks away from job posting*

  30. Okay, coffee’s drunk, time to get some groceries and go see how messy my lovely bride managed to make the house in my absence.

  31. So, has anyone discussed Harry Reid’s connection to turning federal land into profitable development for sons and cronies? Also hits upon campaign finance laws which seems to have made things even dirtier.

    From 2003 –
    http://articles.latimes.com/2003/jun/23/nation/na-sons23

    As he introduced it, Nevada’s senior U.S. senator, Democrat Harry Reid, assured colleagues that his bill (Clark County -ring any bells? – land bill) was a bipartisan measure to protect the environment and help the economy in America’s fastest-growing state.

    What Reid did not explain was that the bill promised a cavalcade of benefits to real estate developers, corporations and local institutions that were paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in lobbying fees to his sons’ and son-in-law’s firms, federal lobbyist reports show.

    The Howard Hughes Corp. alone paid $300,000 to the tiny Washington consulting firm of son-in-law Steven Barringer to push a provision allowing the company to acquire 998 acres of federal land ripe for development in the exploding Las Vegas metropolitan area.

    Barringer is listed in federal lobbyist reports as one of Hughes’ representatives on the measure that his father-in-law introduced.

    Other provisions were intended to benefit a real estate development headed by a senior partner in the Nevada law firm that employs all four of Reid’s sons — by moving the right-of-way for a federal power-transmission line off his property and onto what had been protected federal wilderness.

    The governments of three of Nevada’s biggest cities — Las Vegas, North Las Vegas and Henderson — also gained from the legislation, which freed up tens of thousands of acres of federal land for development and annexation. All three were represented by Reid’s family members who contacted his staff on their clients’ behalf.

    The Clark County land bill, which was approved in a late-night session just before Congress recessed in October, reflects a new twist in an old game: These days, when corporations and other interests want to cement a vital relationship with someone in Congress, they’re likely to reach out to hire a member of the family.

  32. Comment by beasn on April 12, 2014 11:28 am
    So, has anyone discussed Harry Reid’s connection to turning federal land into profitable development for sons and cronies? Also hits upon campaign finance laws which seems to have made things even dirtier.
    From 2003 –
    http://articles.latimes.com/2003/jun/23/nation/na-sons23
    As he introduced it, Nevada’s senior U.S. senator, Democrat Harry Reid, assured colleagues that his bill (Clark County -ring any bells? – land bill) was a bipartisan measure to protect the environment and help the economy in America’s fastest-growing state.
    What Reid did not explain was that the bill promised a cavalcade of benefits to real estate developers, corporations and local institutions that were paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in lobbying fees to his sons’ and son-in-law’s firms, federal lobbyist reports show.
    The Howard Hughes Corp. alone paid $300,000 to the tiny Washington consulting firm of son-in-law Steven Barringer to push a provision allowing the company to acquire 998 acres of federal land ripe for development in the exploding Las Vegas metropolitan area.
    Barringer is listed in federal lobbyist reports as one of Hughes’ representatives on the measure that his father-in-law introduced.
    Other provisions were intended to benefit a real estate development headed by a senior partner in the Nevada law firm that employs all four of Reid’s sons — by moving the right-of-way for a federal power-transmission line off his property and onto what had been protected federal wilderness.
    The governments of three of Nevada’s biggest cities — Las Vegas, North Las Vegas and Henderson — also gained from the legislation, which freed up tens of thousands of acres of federal land for development and annexation. All three were represented by Reid’s family members who contacted his staff on their clients’ behalf.
    The Clark County land bill, which was approved in a late-night session just before Congress recessed in October, reflects a new twist in an old game: These days, when corporations and other interests want to cement a vital relationship with someone in Congress, they’re likely to reach out to hire a member of the family.

    —————————————————–

    Shocking

  33. 2012 –
    U.S. Senator Reid, son combine for China firm’s desert plant

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/31/us-usa-china-reid-solar-idUSBRE87U06D20120831

    Who wants to talk about the EPA’s proposed takeover of all puddles of water on your property? For assorted politicians and cronie’s, children?

  34. MOM, CYN IS HOGGING EVEN MORE THAN I AM!

  35. The whole thing just smells like bullshit. I’m glad that the matter is getting some airtime.

    It’s too bad, though, that somebody, on one side or the other, is accidentally going to make this into a Waco or Ruby Ridge.

  36. Deb gave her Daddy a tiara!

    Deb&Dad

  37. I happen to be browsing reddit randomly and came across an interesting subreddit. Even more interesting, and topical, was this from the FAA apparently issued about 12 hours ago:
    http://tfr.faa.gov/save_pages/detail_4_1687.html

    Looks like they’re thinking some shit is going to get real?

  38. Awwwww!

  39. Sweetness personified

  40. The insane thing about that stand off is that it’s nothing more than a pissing contest right now. The imminent danger is solely created by the government’s presence. What needs to happen right now? If they back entirely away the worst that can happen is some grass gets grazed. Give the family their day in court or at a hearing in the legislature. If they’re on the wrong side of a legitimate argument let things proceed from there.

  41. DG is so freaking adorable!

  42. I can understand the NOTAM, but the reports of cell towers being shut down is really scary. The government just decided your 1st Amendment rights don’t count. Nor do businesses have any right to operate.

  43. That cell tower thing is crossing a line.

  44. Driver who was beaten by mob in Detroit is awake and talking now (sort of)

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2602967/Driver-beaten-Detroit-mob-stopped-help-boy-accidentally-hit-talking-family.html

  45. Feds are going after Bundy, but won’t do diddly squat to help ranchers on the border. We have conceded private land to cartels in AZ and NM and TX. We don’t allow our border patrol to be armed and we let them be shot at and have rocks thrown at them, but the BLM in NV has body armor and weapons. Meh.

  46. This incorrigible who beat the driver is being charged with ethnic intimidation as well as assault with intent to do great bodily harm.

    http://www.freep.com/article/20140412/NEWS01/304120040/Steve-Utash-mob-attack-Teen-charged-with-assault-ethnic-intimidation-in-court-today

  47. Like I said last night, I have no problem with the militias showing up. My sympathies are coalescing around the conspiracy theorists these days.

  48. Nobody talk to the crazy guy in the mitten.

  49. Sounds like David Gregory went full Nancy Grace on that Boston bombing survivor.

  50. Mitten?

  51. Michigan, Cyn. Frequently referred to as “the mitten.”

  52. I guess the BLM just blinked.

  53. Traverse City is where the little finger is!

  54. Lansing is where the middle finger is.

  55. The fed aren’t done. This whole ranch thing is a public relations nightmare right now, but the feds are gonna keep after the Bundys. Gawd, I wish somebody would nail Harry Reid’s balls to the wall on this, too.

  56. Jazz – I wouldn’t hold my breath!

  57. Turns out that that crooked child molester Harry Reid wants that area for a deal put together with his son and a Chinese company

  58. >> MOM, CYN IS HOGGING EVEN MORE THAN I AM!

    There’s enough of me for both of you. By which I mean I restarted my low carb diet a few weeks ago.

  59. Right now my wife is in the thumb, and thus north of Canada.

  60. Solar Panel Pederasty.

    Kinky.

  61. I’ve got tickets to see Solar Panel Pederasty open for Civilian Unrest.

  62. Drink made with DiSarrano for Cyn.

  63. hahahah – Obama “subpar” posters appear at the Masters

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/04/12/Political-Street-Art-At-Masters

  64. Mmmmmmwah!

  65. oooOOOooo

    GND

    Hawt.

  66. Drink sounds tasty. I might try making them at some point.

  67. You make a lot of girl drinks MJ.

    Just an observation *takes a swig from the valu-rite plastic botle*

  68. Making girl drinks iz to get girls.

    Unless you like those kinds of drinks, NTTAWWT.

  69. Great drink (thanks for making!) and great show today, guys.

  70. Did anyone else pause youtube to get a better look at GND butt?

  71. When we did keggers in college we’d get Shlitz dark. Remarkably it was the most favorite girl beer evah

  72. The word “Schlitz” makes me giggle still, but you couldn’t pay me to drink it.

  73. *get off the phone with mom*
    *beats head against desk 17 times*

    Is it an old person thing that they tend to interrupt what you’re saying? No matter what you’re saying? Even if it’s in answer to a specific question?? @@ *drinks a Schlitz*

  74. I prefer Schmidt’s of Philadelphia!

  75. Did anyone else pause youtube to get a better look at GND butt?

    Was there any other reason to watch?

  76. It was surprisingly good back in the late 70s

  77. Stern was wrong:
    http://s-gellar.tumblr.com/post/81940741063

  78. Pupster – He’s really only a Captain.

  79. He really should be Captain Obvious.

  80. GND is a scam.

  81. I am enjoying the Masters so much more this year without the incessant Tiger coverage.

  82. Roamy, do you make snide comments about the golfers’ attire?

  83. Jewstin, yes, but it’s just not the same without Payne Stewart.

  84. Stewart had the bad taste to die on my birthday.

  85. Payne is old skool! H8rz!

  86. well, “was” old skool

  87. Gene Sarazen was old school.

  88. Years ago, I memorized all the Masters winners just to be obnoxious.

  89. Do you play golf, roamy?

  90. For those of you without lives…..

    http://stevenoxonradio.wordpress.com/2014/04/12/special-edition-saturday-april-12-2014/

  91. Just watched MJ’s video.

    Oh.

    Oh my……

    I reeeeeally need to get her in-studio.

    MJ can still call in though.

  92. Jay, no, but I grew up in Augusta. Masters week was our spring break, most of the high school kids worked the concession stands, and somewhere I have Fuzzy Zoeller’s autograph on a golf cap from the year he won. His caddy was a friend of my dad’s.

  93. I was wondering what the connection was. That would be a lot of fun, working at the tournament!

  94. The wife is doing a Girls’ Night Out thing or something tonight….do I listen to Wiser’s show or the AoSHQ Podcast?

    Decisions, decisions.

  95. I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don’t care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

    This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, Texas who reported finding a man’s body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge.

    The dead man’s name would not be released until his family had been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting “someone” in Fredericksburg .

    He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

    The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

    So there, Texas police do care.

  96. Haha, that lady, with a husband and a son deployed, has better pitching form than our President!

  97. Nice one, roamy.

    *tips the pool boy to give her “something extra”

  98. Woo-hoo!

  99. Greetings, faces of jerk.

  100. Greetings!

    Wait…

  101. I meant that in the nicest possible way. By which I mean that is as nice as I can possibly be without having a nap before reporting for work this afternoon.

  102. Huh. A “Creamsicle” has nothing to do with dropping trou. Who’da thunk?

  103. Whaddya do, Sean? Anything you can admit to?

  104. I run the office at a driving range. It’s the night shift (3-11) from Friday thru Monday.

  105. Sweet – that’d be fun!

  106. It’s a pretty good gig. The job is relatively stress-free and I get paid way more than I deserve. And it dovetails perfectly with my meeting schedule.

  107. What kind of cars do they have?

    *drools

  108. Evidently, the Hillary shoe-thrower is a Vaseline-loving Oompa Loompa.

    http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/meet-the-clinton-shoe-thrower?

  109. I don’t wanna mock her too much, though – she DID throw a shoe at Hillary.

  110. What kind of cars do they have?

    Really?

  111. Haha, Shawn!

    One of the more “innocent” drivers at the pizza place had to take a delivery to the student union building at the local university. They were having a drag show.

    He wondered where they were putting all the cars.

  112. I’ve I owned a driving range, I’d call it “Drivers’ Edge”

  113. Hmm, according to some sources on facebook, the BLM is pulling out of the farmer’s standoff.

  114. I refuse, however, to pull out of the farmer’s daughter.

  115. pupster! thanks for the awesome gif!

  116. I introduced Roomie to headphones and cellphones. That was ill-advised.

  117. I prefer Schmidt’s of Philadelphia!

    I remember that! My grandmother drank Schmidt’s.

  118. Not to pat myself on the back too much, but I just listened to my latest show and my first show.

    Just a little improvement there….

  119. And …. hmmmmm….. Whole season…. Other than MJ, only two of you idiots called.

    Thanks.

  120. Is MJ around? I’m trying to send him an e-mail, and I get a “Mailbox is temporarily over its quota” message.

  121. It’s a small mailbox.

  122. Hey, I did MY part!

  123. Okay, I just watched MJ’s video, and a few things come to mind:

    1. You can’t hear what the fuck he’s saying. I turned my speakers all the way up, and I could still just barely understand him. SPEAK UP, MJ!!!

    B. If that’s his apartment, he’s queerer than a $3 bill eaten by a gerbil that is then shoved up Andrew Sullivan’s squeakhole. STRAIGHT MEN AREN’T THAT NEAT!!!

    #. There’s no easy way to tell you this, Mr. Gerbil, so I’ll just say it–You have the AIDS. And it’s full-blown. TELL EVERYONE YOU’VE BEEN WITH TO GET TESTED!!!

  124. Look man, I am at work while you are doing your show and cannot call in. And also, I am apparently a heavy breather who inexplicably chews on microphones.

    Although that might be a good segment, if you want to cater to some particular very small demographic.

  125. Wiser, I don’t know about anyone else, but I didn’t feel that it would be proper for someone like me – a Texan – to call in to a show that is over 1200 miles away. I guess I just assumed that you guys would rather “keep it local”, as it were. Let folks from the area call in and hear themselves on the radio, y’know?

  126. pupster! thanks for the awesome gif!

    I don’t know what you are talking about, so you are welcome.

    he’s queerer than a $3 bill

    But his outfits are fabulous.

  127. Speaking of local stories, are we absolutely sure that the person who threw that shoe at Cankles is a woman? She looks rather…..mannish

  128. I agree with Sean’s 1st two observations. As for the 3rd, I’ll wait for the report to confirm or deny that one.

  129. Hehe, this is how it would go:

    wiser: From the phone lines, we have Jay in Ames!

    Jay: Yes, that’s Ames Iowa. Not where we grow potatos, but pigs and corn. Hi !

    wiser: what did you call about?

    Jay: Oh I just thought we could chat.

    Ratings gold!

  130. >>>some particular very small demographic.

    It’s bigger than you realize…I’ve heard

  131. only two of you idiots called.

    Thanks.

    You like the job, right? You want to keep doing it, right? You seriously want me to call in?

    You are welcome.

  132. Other than MJ, only two of you idiots called.

    Thanks.

    This may be the most sincere comment ever left here.

  133. >>>>Hey, I did MY part!

    Oh Hells yeah!

    I was thinking about the past season earlier. Pretty fucking amazing.

    The people I’ve interviewed… Especially the astronauts….

    Unbelivevable

  134. All that without a 7 second delay…

  135. How did this guy get in MJ’s apartment?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5QZpPLmsPg&feature=youtu.be

  136. Wiser: Caller, you’re on.

    Lippy: Hi, Jay told me to call.

    Wiser: Hi, what would you like to talk about?

    Lippy: Well, my life has taken an amazing nosedive in the past three years. Death, disease, divorce. My three pets were cruelly starved to death by a caretaker. Care to hear about it?

    *click*

  137. TJ, Phat, Ben Howe, CAC….

    Pretty amazing.

  138. Lippy, we can work with that.

    Trust me.

  139. Hey Wiser, I hear “congratulations on your season being extended”. I missed the details. ?

    And congratulations!

  140. >>>And congratulations!

    Thanks, sweetheart.

    I never said “booger”

    I think that may be why I’m still there.

  141. Lippy, we can work with that.

    hahaha. I just felt it would be presumptuous to call in. But now that we all have the “yes, it’s really okay”, hmmm.

    May I make a suggestion? I’ve noticed you urging listeners to call in without giving the station’s phone number.

  142. >>>May I make a suggestion? I’ve noticed you urging listeners to call in without giving the station’s phone number.

    I mention it at the top of the hour, but then I get into whatever discussion I’m involved in and forget.

    I’ll try to do it more often.

  143. Honestly, I really want to thank you all for your support.

    This was a major scary step for me and all of the support you’ve given me has really made it easier.

    Seriously, thank you all.

  144. You are welcome, and it’s a great time listening to you live your dream. You’ll be in a station with a bigger reach before you know it.

    And THEN we’ll call.

  145. ” I’ve noticed you urging listeners to call in without giving the station’s phone number.”

    Accidentally give out Car in’s number.

  146. What Jay said! And it really sounds like you’re having fun now.

  147. wiser: “Let’s go to the first-time caller line. You’re on.”

    Sean M.: “Yeah, I wanted to talk about The Shadow People.”

    wiser: “Um, I think you want Coast To Coast Radio.”

    Sean M.: “Coast To Coast? What?”

    wiser: “That show where they talk about supernatural topics.”

    Sean M.: “Supernatural? I heard from a friend that this was the show where we could talk about our proud Nordic heritage and, to a lesser extent, local real estate…”

  148. >>>Accidentally give out Car in’s number.

    *snicker

  149. I’ll try to do it more often.

    I don’t mean to be the sideline heckler. Sometimes when I’m in the the research and marketing chick mode I just listen as if I don’t know you. Cause I love ya.

    How much longer were you extended?

  150. The number is at watr.com, of course.

  151. >>>What Jay said! And it really sounds like you’re having fun now.

    Oh hell yeah. Each week is still stressful, making sure I have content, but as soon as that mic goes live, it’s like the coolest thing EVAH!!!!

  152. I don’t refresh enough.

    What Jay said too.

  153. Hey, I could call in and we could talk about whatever bugfucking stupid thing someone in Florida did that week.

  154. >>>Hey, I could call in and we could talk about whatever bugfucking stupid thing someone in Florida did that week.

    Bugfucking Stupid Thing of the Week!

  155. The number is at watr.com, of course.

    More or less likely: the local, older audience is going to whip out their iphones and look it up, or they just won’t call?

  156. >>>How much longer were you extended?

    13 weeks, but I’m off next week

  157. >>> older audience is going to whip out their iphones and look it up

    They’re the ones that don’t toss their phone books in the recycle bin. Are you in the white pages or the yellow pages?

  158. Could totally work.

    Just grab a couple stories from the Florida Man twitter account and away we go.

  159. Tush, that baby looks more like a three or four year old.

  160. I didn’t feel that it would be proper for someone like me – a Texan – to call in to a show that is over 1200 miles away.

    Doesn’t stop Dave, and rightly so. I just imagine some CT listener wondering who are all these people.

  161. Dave just calls in to call me an idiot.

    MJ’s comments today were perfect. Why the FUCK would anyone live in this state?

    Hilarious

  162. Did anybody put a lock on their dumpster so that anybody else couldn’t sleep in it anymore today?

  163. I put a lock on my dumpster so nobody could steal my soul

  164. Someone could get my DNA from the popsicle stick

  165. Sean hates homeless people.

  166. Wiserbub,
    Just got home from the Bunny-Shoot and answered your e-mail.
    Sorry it took so long…

  167. Don’t worry babe, I burn them for you. After.

  168. I lock my dumpster to keep assholes from throwing trash into my bedroom.

  169. Today was the definition of retail hell. Everyone was being an angry asshole. I was mixing it up in Spanglish and English!!! Roberta was filling the strawberry pod and a Member told her to “Get the fuck out of my way!” Old, white lady. When Q-tips are dropping f-bombs, you know shit just got real.

  170. I think we should close membership to theH2 and start a tontine. Our slogan could be “There can be only one.”

  171. Or, seriously, asshole people from another neighborhood who fill your dumpster with their crap.

  172. I hope you kicked her in the poon and pushed her down, oso. Bitchy old white ladies need to be put in their places from time to time.

  173. Oso, she was a baby boomer. Me me me.

  174. I just finished season 1 of “Fringe.” I really like this show.

  175. This was NE Sudden Spring Eruption Day. This Winter was sooooo long and sooo cold, and late to break. So today, the weather finally really broke.

    As soon as I got in to work this morning they hustled me outside to deal with the crowds, so I worked in the garden center most of the day. Whole families, out to buy posies and mulch. Everyone shopping in the warm sun with smiles like to crack their faces in half. It was glorious.

  176. Jazz, I wish. Plus, I got to deal with the dumbest person I’ve ever met in my life. I’ve dealt with her before, teacher/cheerleader sponsor for local HS.

  177. Lauraw, we’re getting another blast of Winter. Does your Garden Center take SNAP?

  178. Sorry, Oso. I believe I know some of her relatives Back East.

  179. Your Winter blast is probably the same temperature as our Spring breakout, Oso.

    I don’t think we take SNAP? No idea. Maybe we do? That part of it isn’t really my job.

  180. WalMart has signs up in their garden center telling people they can use SNAP to set up home gardens and purchase seeds.

  181. Laura, they should have you in the garden center all the time. “The Marchioness of Mulch.”

    heh change of subject, just reading Steyn: As the English barrister F E Smith is said to have responded when a judge asked if he was trying to show contempt for this court, “No, my Lord. I am attempting to conceal it.”

  182. It was a beautiful day here today, and DD#1 was here for a couple of hours before she had to catch a flight back to DC (she flew in Thursday night for a Friday meeting). They’re forecasting thunderstorms all day tomorrow; Mr. TiFW heard they are expecting high winds and hail.

  183. Lauraw, we have been in the 70s all week, dropping to the 50s. High 30s low 40s at night.

  184. Ha ha ha, yep, Oso. We are having the same weather. Funny how different our perspectives are.

  185. WalMart has signs up in their garden center telling people they can use SNAP to set up home gardens and purchase seeds.

    “Escyoomee, where the malt liquor seeds at?”

  186. Hahaha We have tumbleweeds and goatheads!!!! Pollen!

  187. Our Maple trees are pollinating, and some very few weed trees, but everything else is still dead and asleep.

  188. WEED GROWS ON TREES?

    *calls Colorado

  189. 20$ story. We can’t do returns on SNAP eligible items without a RCPT. Only exchanges for SNAP eligible items of equal or greater value. Woman brings in 2 M&M variety packs. Overbought for a fundraiser. Didn’t have RCPT. She wanted a Giftcard for gas. Back and forth. She thought I was saying she was on SNAP, because she’s Messican. I explained that all non-RCPT returns are treated the same way, because we don’t know who is on SNAP. She ended up being pissed that $30 candy variety packs are SNAP eligible.

  190. “Escyoomee”

    Aqueme.

  191. Where’s Cyn to debrief me and slide me a cocktail?

  192. “I prefer Schmidt’s of Philadelphia!”

    You can get drunk on animal beer!

  193. Cyn…paging Cyn….lay low. Drop and cover.

  194. Watching D-bags/Dodgers on the TV. Why is the roof open? (My brother and nephews are at the game. Bro just got a ball and had to send me a pic. His youngest dropped a BP ball. Shaming is good)

  195. I killed weeds today. The Kick Ass Chemical Company. Death from Above

  196. Sean, my grandmother and great-aunt would have laughed and laughed at that.

  197. I may have worn-out my welcome at PJM by commenting on Wretchards post about English leftists being pedophiles:

    “Sex abuse by leftists?
    How could you possibly suggest such a thing without referring to all the whispered(behind internet hands)hints that a certain Nevada senator is, in fact, a pederast?
    Why yes, the very senator behind the Nevada Bundy-Ranch -vs- the BLM scandal.
    Of course, the fact that the current BLM head is a former “Public Land Use Advisor” to that senator is just a coincidence…
    The fact that all his sons are working for the firm representing a Chinese solar outfit that is buying Nevada Real Estate for pennies on the dollar is also a coincidence.
    I have no direct knowledge why said senator is commonly known as “The Searchlight Strangler”.
    Thank God our politics are not as messed-up as those in England…”

  198. I think you summed it up nicely, Chrisp. :)

  199. The only thing I hate about spring is all the trees fucking and spreading their pollen-jizz everywhere.

  200. Hey oso, did you see my Cardinals won today?

  201. Obligatory SNL has never been funny comment about Sean’s post.

  202. J’ames, you beat the Cubs. Meh. I said “MEH!”

  203. The only thing I hate about spring is all the trees fucking and spreading their pollen-jizz everywhere.

    *shuts windows*

  204. The only thing I hate about spring is all the trees fucking and spreading their pollen-jizz everywhere.

    http://www.lolriot.com/?attachment_id=73

  205. Had a customer today who wanted to talk Woodchucks. They are undermining a structure. She was catching and releasing them to only two miles away. I had to explain the circle of life to her. The kind of circle that abruptly truncates from ‘respirating mammal’ to ‘blowflies and bacteria.’

  206. Catch and release people piss me off. DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT CATCH AND RELEASE SPIDERS????

  207. I do that with fishing spiders and wolf spiders, and any others that I know for sure are harmless and beneficial. Most everything else I will kill. Though, we really have almost zero dangerous arachnids here.

  208. easy there

  209. I prefer Schmidt’s of Philadelphia!

  210. Twenty years ago when I didn’t know from spiders, one of my coworkers was trying to capture a spider for release. It was some ridiculously huge thing.

    Me: You’re saving that thing?
    Him: Yeah.
    Me: You know they make babies, right?
    Him: *crunch*

  211. Dave in Texas Spider Theater.

    Hi! You’re in my house.

    So?

    So die *smush* You oughta been outside but look at you now.

  212. Had a customer today who wanted to talk Woodchucks.

    So, how much?

  213. We’re not supposed to have Brown Recluse Spiders this far North. RL friend got bit by a spider while hiking in the Bosque. Went to ER. ER Dr told her that we don’t have Brown Recluse this far North, even though her spider bite looked like a standard BR bite. Sent her home. She lost a chunk of her calf and nearly lost her lower leg. I know people that catch and release BRs in their home states.

  214. Oso,
    We don’t have BR’s on this side of the Cascades. We Do have hobos.
    Their bites do the same thing as the BR’s.

  215. Those who have a gmail account, pl. check it for an email from me. Something funny. Laura, ask Scott what the hell I am talking about.

  216. What the hell are we talking about? It is the silly,

    *guess who saw the video*

  217. Dave, I so miss the time when they were that small.

  218. Hobos? Are they spiders or something that cops kill for illegal camping?

  219. I’m with dave–spider got no bidness being inside mah house.

  220. Tushar, I made up songs when I gave my baby girls a bath..

    I understand dad.

  221. Hey Oso. The Feds really screwed the APD. I figured they’d whitewash it. Killing the hobo really pissed people off. Cops must hate video. Sure looked like the guy was surrendering, then they turned the dog loose on him just for fun.

  222. Pupster shows carin how to exercise

    http://imgur.com/gallery/LMQrLOB

  223. Pepe, Mayor Marty capped lawsuits at $150K at the same time that Gov Fatass did away with the DP. Followed soon enough after John Hyde and Astorga that APD just started shooting and settling. RL friend responded to a psychiatric PU and ended up shooting and killing an 18 yr old with a knife. He was hounded out of BCSO by the media and her family. I think the Popo should tell the families to deliver their fucking problems to facilities and leave the cops out of it.

  224. One last story before family bedtime. UNM used to have a notorious street denizen known as Carlos the Ragman. He was a total burnout. He accosted me in front of The Purple Hippo and screamed total filth at me. My Psych 101 Prof was a witness. No one did anything. I punched Ragman and ran away. Called the cops. Got a lot of BS about how he wasn’t violent and he was off his meds. A few months later, he grabbed me in the grocery store and started shaking and yelling at me. I hit him. I went to the store manager and asked him to call the cops. Same thing about Ragman being non-violent and how no one could understand why he was targeting me. I go home to Texas for the summer. Someone torches Ragman in the alley where he sleeps. Fucking cops actually questioned me when I came back to NM. RL friends were people of interest for a little while too.

  225. OMG long post copy paste!!!

  226. One last story before family bedtime. UNM used to have a notorious street denizen known as Carlos the Ragman. He was a total burnout. He accosted me in front of The Purple Hippo and screamed total filth at me. My Psych 101 Prof was a witness. No one did anything. I punched Ragman and ran away. Called the cops. Got a lot of BS about how he wasn’t violent and he was off his meds. A few months later, he grabbed me in the grocery store and started shaking and yelling at me. I hit him. I went to the store manager and asked him to call the cops. Same thing about Ragman being non-violent and how no one could understand why he was targeting me. I go home to Texas for the summer. Someone torches Ragman in the alley where he sleeps. Fucking cops actually questioned me when I came back to NM. RL friends were people of interest for a little while too.
    ————–

    That reminds me–I need to pick up some marshmallows.

  227. The Tushar video is fucking awesome! I love that Mexican.

  228. Biden’s going to Kiev in order to solve the squabble in the Ukraine

    I can rest easier now

  229. Biden would fuck up a glass of water but for some reason I can’t dislike him.

    I wish he was Secretary of State because then we would end up at war with Canada or the Isle of Man.

  230. Out to rock the globe while it’s still here to rock
    Don’t punch girls, and we don’t punch a clock
    Gotta go, gotta go, see you later by the cat
    And you can’t derp that with a bat

  231. Palm Sunday.

  232. Is MJ around? I’m trying to send him an e-mail, and I get a “Mailbox is temporarily over its quota” message.
    ———————————
    Bad email address:

    Try this: dbl dot 143 dot id @ gmail dot com

  233. Thankfully, it’s not “Hairy Palm Sunday.”

  234. Every day is Hairy Palm Sunday.

  235. Yesterday was lovely. Patchy clouds, 70, mild breeze out of the south. This morning? Four inches of snow and 20 something degrees.

  236. Morning, chidren.

    Good morning girl for Leon

  237. Oh, except for Leon. Heretic.

  238. We’re at 40 degrees now with rain on the way. Yesterday was warmer and sunny. When I half listened to the news yesterday I heard the word “snow” and nearly had whiplash turning to the screen. I think that’s in the western mountains though.

  239. Good morning girl for Leon

    Stunning.

    Oh, except for Leon. Heretic.

    It gives you superpowers. Trade-off is worth it.

  240. New poat for the infidels.


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