Car in’s Riveting Story Part IX

First, let’s talk about some British loser on CNN that had less fewer viewers than we do. (fixt)

Now let’s talk about Car in’s riveting story featuring one ne’er do well skinny emo loser, two baby mommas, three children, and zero functioning automobiles.

And lastly, let’s talk about gardening, working out, or what we’re making for dinner.

And also the Japanese Egg Rorr. Also an accurate representation of Sean’s penis. No, not that Sean. Emo loser, Sean.

Funny-Egg-19

*

Jeremy Clarkson Punched Piers Morgan. All hail Jeremy Clarkson!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O435k1yfztw

353 Comments

  1. Sean has a big penis.

  2. That’s just speculation.

  3. Really big penis.

  4. First, let’s talk about some British loser on CNN that had less viewers than we do.

    Haha, header line hall of fame!

  5. Not all chicks like that apparently. From what I’ve read on reddit/sex it’s mostly dudes that are fixated on penis size.

  6. I’m honestly not sure if it’s Sean or Shawn.

    Just thought I should clear that up.

  7. Sean has a big penis.

    John has a large mustache.

    *blows up Nazi controlled bridge*

  8. Let’s stop with the Sean has a big penis thing. It will give him a big head.

    SWIDT?

  9. Morning, children.
    You realize, of course, Carin, that someone will paste all your snippets together soon.

  10. Shaun.

  11. …fewer…

  12. And Car In

  13. Humn. Sure MJ. Size doesn’t matter.

    (poor dear)

  14. *puts Pepe on kill list.

  15. Look, if someone posts all my snippets together, that’s on THEM.

    It won’t be a comment wall-o-text from me.

  16. Hahahahaha.

    Car in is a size queen.

    L to R:

    Carin, Carin’s toy, Carin’s lemon tree.

    http://is.gd/4pgSM6

  17. You guys haven’t heard the epic finale yet.

    Be nice, or you never will.

    *worries that I may have built up the ending too much

  18. That’s nothing, MJ. You should have seen my winter squash.

    It was BIG.

    (that’s what she said)

  19. But this isn’t about me. This is about the THREE women he’s managed to “get with” when he has absolutely NOTHING – outwardly – to offer. He’s poor. Not attractive. Not smart. Not outgoing (very quiet). Obviously no morals. He uses women, etc.

    How do you get #3 to sleep with you when you’ve abandoned #1, knocked up #2 and have no intention of even seeing her through the pregnancy …

    And mind you, he was cheating on #1 for a long time with #2 before she got pregnant.

    There is no other explanation than he must have something going on sexually.

  20. On the road again….

    Traveling to Virginia for a 90 minute meeting that could have easily been done by web conference.

    Oh well, at least I will have a chance to sleep on the plane.

  21. My boss’s wife constantly complains about her husband’s penis size. Evidently he’s hung like a jack donkey. I’ve never looked. She may be bragging guerilla style. Who knows?

  22. There is no other explanation than he must have something going on sexually.
    ————————-
    That could be, but getting there has something to do with it as well. It’s not like these girls just flop down and spread their legs for anyone.

    OR DO THEY?

  23. >>>There is no other explanation than he must have something going on sexually.

    Yeah, couldn’t possibly be that wimmens can be really fucking stupid sometimes.

  24. My bet is that he gives them drugs.

  25. Repoated from last thread:

    Comment by Pupster on February 25, 2014 9:48 am

    Replace “waitress” and “manager” with “manager” and “manager’s baby sister” and I have the same story in my step-in laws family, except “Sean” lived with his mom who pays most of his bills so he can spend his wages on basketball shoes. He’s a collector.

    Manager baby momma 1 still lives in “Sean’s” mom’s basement with baby 1 and baby 2, sister baby momma 2 lives with her parents,

    “Sean” got a new girlfriend and lives with her part-time while she waits to become baby momma 3, and he buzzes from flower to flower to flower still collecting nectar. None of the baby mommas have made him responsible for his actions, so why should he change? Besides, the new Jordans are coming out. I think he’s 24-5. Oh, he has a car that mom bought for him, she pays the insurance and maintenance, so he can get to work and visit his kids.

    He’s a fry cook at Roosters, baby momma 1 is the restaurant manager.

  26. No to drugs. He doesn’t have any money to buy drugs with anyway. Unless he’s getting it from one baby-momma to give to the next.

  27. What are the girls like?

    I think I finally caught on when I ran into a few people like this: when girls feel they have no hope, they don’t care, and just want a baby to love them.

  28. I only know baby momma #2. She already had one child by another guy (was married young and they are separated, though not divorced).

    Baby momma #1 seems to care more about having a boyfriend, than a child to love her. She’s already got a new man.

    Who buys her drugs. Pot.

  29. I miss the restaurant business. So many easy girls.

  30. So, wrapping up this story (so I can get shit done here), in what is sure to be a disappointment after all my build up –

    So, there was a battle over whom would “claim” the (first) children on the tax return. Sean certainly isn’t supporting them, but filed first, so he got “the” (AKA “our” dough). $3,400 in a tax refund.

    Which he cashed somewhere and was carrying around in his pocket at Walmart, waiting for his newest baby momma to pick him up for a ride.

    And he LOST it. Lost. $3,400 cash.

    He reported it missing, and is SHOCKED that someone hasn’t turned it in.

    He has all these children, no car, etc, and he loses $3,400 through just being completely irresponsible.

    really, though, it wasn’t his “withholding” in the literal sense. The money has merely been redistributed elsewhere.

  31. Fin.

    Drops mic,walks off stage.

  32. Ha. Love that gif.

  33. L to R: Car in, H2

    http://tinyurl.com/n58zmfh

  34. Hahahahahahaha

    How the fuck do you lose $3,400?

  35. Oh come ON Jimbro. As if you had anything else to do this morning.

    It wasn’t the most exciting story, but it was true. And I think it is a window into how fucked up a segment of our society is.

  36. Off Penis Topic but..

    Drudge has headline of Netanyahu giving Angela Merkel a Hitler moustache

  37. I know, right? How much of a fucking loser do you have to be to walk around with $3,400 in your pocket … and you LOSE it. It was in an envelope, and it fell out of his pocket when he went to get something else out .

    LOSER.

  38. If that boy had earned that money, he wouldn’t have been walking around with it in his pocket so carelessly.

  39. I learned a phrase for this segment of society about 15 years ago and still use it from time to time……Springer Material.

  40. Holy shit!! Awesome. I guess it must have felt so good to him, to have a big pocket full of cash. For an hour.

    What a perfect metaphor for his whole existence.

    Are those women going to kick his ass to the curb now, or what? They must be beside themselves. How the fuck does he get off claiming dependents?

  41. Are you sure he isn’t lying about losing the money?

  42. I keed you Car in. That window is open every day in my office. More than half of my patients’ parents are on the dole. A select few are sheepish about it but most act as if they have a God given right to free shit. It drives me nuts if I think too hard about which explains why I just focus on treating the kids who did not choose their parents.

  43. Ah, the WalMart dream. $3400 just lands at your feet.

  44. The money is lost to the girls, not to our friend Sean.

  45. Good point, lauraw.

    Man, girls are silly.

  46. The person who found it was clearly entitled to it.

  47. Hahahahahaha

    This is where Carin grew up:

    http://www.freep.com/article/20140224/NEWS04/302240116

  48. Ah, the WalMart dream. $3400 just lands at your feet.

    Yeah, but most can’t pick it up with either their pants falling down, or their electric scooter getting in the way.

  49. Hell, CO, some of those bitches could squat and snatch it with their cooter.

  50. Hell, CO, some of those bitches could squat and snatch it with their cooter.

    Only if it’s in folded singles.

  51. I have this funny feeling he didn’t really lose the money. Just does not want to be known to have that much.

  52. Hell, CO, some of those bitches could squat and snatch it with their cooter.

    Crackfat WOD.

  53. Yup. MJ and Michael are on the same page as me.

    The guy is lying. He does not want to share the money with anybody, least of all his own children. And furthermore, it suits his purposes just fine if the women get so angry they decide to break off all entanglement with him over it.

  54. I did not grow up in Macomb county.

    313 bitches.

  55. There really is no downside to him claiming to be this big of a naif and a fuckup.

  56. I speculated that he lost the money but my friend says he isn’t that clever and he had the police there and everything about it.

    No. I think this poor jackhole really did lose it.

    Although I told my friend to watch out and see if he turns up with a motorcycle or something.

  57. Always pay cash money for your circular saws and bleach

  58. That he DIDN’t lose the money. DOing too many things at once.

    I don’t think he did, but it certainly isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility. He owed stuff to both of his baby mommas.

  59. I did not grow up in Macomb county.

    She’s from St. Clair Shores.

  60. His penis ate it

  61. St clair shores is in …. Macomb county.

    I lived in Wayne County most of my life.

  62. Always pay cash money for your circular saws and bleach

    Don’t forget the muriatic acid. You’ll be sorry if you do.

  63. Hahahahahha

    From flashboy on Twitter:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BhM6dMXCUAEuJ_3.jpg:large

  64. Framingham is where Uncle Omar lives (Obama’s drunken uncle)

    http://www.wcvb.com/health/dph-measles-cases-linked-to-framingham-trader-joes/24648240

    The news report I saw on NECN wouldn’t say if the person was an employee but given the fact that a large number of people were exposed at this ground zero I’d say it was an employee. Trader Joe’s attracts a large number of moonbats who probably skip vaccines. I shop there once in a while when I’m in MA visiting my sister and have seen it up close. Sort of a Whole Foods clone with a more chaotic store plan.

  65. You are right, Carin. My bad.

  66. So blah blah blah, boring anectode and boring story about some other boring bullshit.

    And then I found $3400.

  67. This is about the THREE women he’s managed to “get with” when he has absolutely NOTHING – outwardly – to offer.

    Srsly, wtf is wrong with some women? I’ve observed this behavior at Wallyworld.

  68. Will’s just jealous because he only has one baby-momma.

  69. I just found out that Jeremy Clarkson beat the shit out of Piers Morgan.

    God I love Top Gear.

  70. Will’s all about quality baby mommas, not quantity.

    *hits Will up for a loan*

  71. Quality and quantity are just different strategies.

    Unless you’re a Duggar.

  72. 2 hour telecon, holding the phone the entire time: awesome.

  73. I thought you were recently promoted? Don’t you have someone who can hold the phone to your ear?

  74. Have Sean’s penis hold the phone for you.

  75. leon, the husband has his on speaker phone as he goes about piddling around the house. Off and on since 5:30am.

  76. Cordless phone with headset and mute button FTW.

  77. I was, sadly my assistant doesn’t start until next week.

    And by assistant I mean hooker in smart glasses.

  78. Have Sean’s penis hold the phone for you.

    This is why you will always be my favorite.

  79. The problem is that my current office and desktop machine are still in a secure “no open mic” area. After my laptop arrives I can use my outside office and speakerphone.

  80. I can’t have a cordless ANYTHING where I am right now. My headphones are on a 20′ extension cord I have looped around a bookshelf to minimize trip hazard.

  81. Gym time. No snatches planned.

  82. How many feet is it from the nearest trip hazard to your head?

    Please answer in the number of Sean’s penises.

  83. *programs speed dial for Sean’s penis*

  84. I asked a former coworker, whose half brother is half black, why black dudes always hooked up with fat hideous white women. His brother told him those women were so grateful for someone touching them, they let the dudes do whatever they wanted to them – poke them wherever — face, ass, armpit. He laughed and laughed.

    *shudders*

    And the women can say they had a man, which they will never hold responsible if they want him to come around again, and get a baby. That baby brings all sorts of payoffs for the fatties who would rather not work for years to come. I knew several of them. They came to work for a few months and decided it was too much aggravation. Some, who would keep bare minimum hours would exchange tips on how to get and keep more ‘benefits’.
    The number of folks bragging on their EITC – so disheartening – made me respond with a ‘you’re welcome, you better spend my money wisely’.

  85. Who’s going to tell the next story?

  86. Does it have to be recent?

  87. Story:

    I have a really big penis.

  88. 90 minute layover in Charlotte.

    *waves at MJ

  89. I worked with a guy who had so many baby mommas he carried 3 cell phones.

  90. I have a feeling Sean is going to become increasing alarmed as he reads up this thread. Hopefully alarmed, not aroused.

  91. Well, I settled my case this morning. What a clusterfuck. Thankfully, the facilitator who ran the proceedings told my client a few times what a good job I’d done. My client took it in the poopchute, but he’s actually getting out cheap. It was a small-dollar case, and attorney fees would have eclipsed his recovery. After the facilitator reassured my client of the good counsel he received, I explained the case positioning to the facilitator (he was only aware of the nature of the dispute, not the technical positioning of the case). When I informed him that the preceding attorney had not filed an answer to the countercomplaint (which I did even though it was untimely) and had not filed an expert witness list, and had not done any discovery (we’re at the end of the discovery period), his eyes got big and told my client, “You’re getting out CHEAP. You made the right decision. Your attorney is awesome.”

    My client only agreed to settle because I ate 2/3 of my bill. So, I’m super awesome (YAY!), but I’m not getting paid (BOO!). The things we do….

  92. Hey!

    *waves back

  93. Oh, hey look…I have to ask for a change order!

  94. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5108erygkM

  95. I have to run errands and I totally don’t want to. It’s freezing, the wind is horrible, and my driveway is a skating rink.

    Matt ended up going sideways on the driveway and got his car stuck yesterday.

  96. Hey, pup – did you see that vid of the bear-chasing terrier and chocolate lab yesterday? Never thought such small dogs could chase off huge ol’ bears.

  97. So, based on today’s observations, US Airways has the best looking flight attendants of any major carrier.

    Smoking hawt blonde in librarian glasses waiting with us for next flight….

  98. And I think back on all those years I wasted flying Delta.

    {{{{{{{{shudder}}}}}}}}

  99. >>>Smoking hawt blonde in librarian glasses

    Future BBF material. Give her your card.

  100. Tell her you have no job, no prospects, and your name is Sean.

  101. Pics or it didn’t happen.

  102. There are no female flight attendants left.

    That’s a very, very, very gay man.

  103. Tell her you have no job, no prospects, and your name is Sean.
    ——————————
    I’ll be knee deep in Southern vag by the end of the week.

  104. Sean, Sean Likahorse.

  105. wiser just sent me a pic of his boarding waiting area:

  106. >>>>wiser just sent me a pic of his boarding waiting area:

    Very ok close, but hawt babe us taller (yay!) and skirt is longer (boo!)

  107. Ha!

    http://i.imgur.com/sQ1zlkT.jpg?1

  108. >>>I’ll be knee deep in Southern vag by the end of the week.

    You’re doing it wrong, you sick pervert

  109. wiser just sent me a pic of his boarding waiting area:

    MJ has a uniform!

  110. Weirdest airport ever.

    Men’s room has a table set up with mints, tissues and a big bottle of Listerinevwith a pump top on it.

    And a plexiglass box full of cash. Tips for … Someone, I guess, as there is no attendant.

    I’m thinking that may have been this airport’s gay hook-up restroom.

  111. Wiser: Leave the gun, take the cannoli.

  112. Boarding time!

    Later, chillens

  113. When Scott finally snaps at “The Depot”

  114. Cyn’s got skillz.

  115. Please answer in the number of Sean’s penises.

    5.4

  116. So, based on today’s observations, US Airways has the best looking flight attendants of any major carrier.

    Back when I was a regular DC commuter, there was a gal on my Friday night flights back to DTW that was a complete knockout. Those were Air Wisconsin flights under the Delta banner. Had I not already been married, I’d have asked her out. As it was we saw each other every other Friday for about 4 months.

  117. I rode Aero Mexico home from Cancun a couple of summers ago. They still believe in este mui caliente senoritas. Although one of them was very indian looking.

  118. Chuck Hagel announced yesterday that the Obama administration plans to shrink the Army to its lowest troop levels since before World War II. What are we to make of this?

    Peter Wehner provides the correct answer in the title of a post called “Obama Consciously Engineering America’s Decline.” As Wehner explains:

    [Obama] views the weakening of American power as a downright positive thing, as a contributor to peace and stability, and a means through which America will be more respected and loved in the world.

    http://bit.ly/1mwH0TZ

  119. Cyn’s got skillz.

    *blushes*

    Ha ha ha

  120. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!
    I found awesome keyboard shortcuts to this goddamnedpieceofshitnightmare Word 2007!!11!

    Drinks are on me.

  121. You know what happened the last time we had a pre-WWII sized Army?

    WWII.

  122. Here’s Sean:

    http://tinyurl.com/k37vqxl

  123. You know what happened the last time we had a pre-WWII sized Army?

    WWII.

    We’re killing the A-10 because it’s a Cold War relic and we don’t face massed armies anymore.

    Of course, a large part of the reason that we don’t face large armies much anymore is precisly because systems like the A-10 make that a losing proposition for our enemies.

  124. Maybe Sean is willing to cuddle after sex. Perhaps I’m not giving him enough credit.

  125. I bet he takes that $3400 and buys a Russian bride, and gets her pregnant.

  126. HA. I bet all of Sean’s stories end with…..and then she got pregnant.

  127. Letting go of the A-10 is a disastrously bad idea, and hurts SANGB especially.

    Which goes to show that Carl Levin is less than useless.

  128. They should weaponize the Osprey.

    Spooky Birdy.

  129. Too many moving parts. You want a gun ‘copter, we’ve got the Apache.

  130. Perhaps I’m not giving him enough credit.

    *cue porno music*

  131. They should weaponize the Osprey Sean’s penis.

    fixed

  132. At least the next generation has their priorities straight:

    http://is.gd/DWVoWC

  133. Since we’re paying people to sit around, why not pay them to be in the military, ask nothing of them, then at least we’ll have some cannon fodder for the first wave.

    Operation Enduring Sean’s Penis

  134. The elite division will be knows as the Waffen SP.

  135. “Waffen” is too nazi. Let’s say “Waffle”.

    LIVs won’t know the difference anyhow.

  136. the Waffen SP.

    aka ‘The Baby Boom’

  137. Weiner SP

    But pronounced Veener.

  138. Sean’s Merry Luftwaffle of the Flying Penii

  139. Vee haff vays to mak you talk.

  140. If Jan Brewer vetoes the Religious Restoration Act the left will take back all of the vile slurs they made about her over the last several days, and they’ll apologize.

  141. We needed that Act like we needed another First Amendment.

    *rolls eye and does that jerking-off motion*

    I swear, I am becoming more Libertarian every single day.

  142. Which jerking-off motion are you referring to?

  143. Is it a “milking the cow” or a “rolling the scroll-wheel”?

  144. *lasers-in an “s” at the end of “rolls eye” up there*

  145. Which jerk-off motion? The lame one.

  146. Is it a “milking the cow” or a “rolling the scroll-wheel”?

    Yes

  147. Alternatively, there’s the “playing Warcraft 2” motion.

    (also known as a “clickfest”)

  148. (also known as a “clitfest”)

    fixt

  149. Whakken SP.

    Fappen SP.

  150. Go listen to that Rubio speech Ace just poated. It’s good.

  151. No!

    Ok.

  152. Good speech.

    I’m not sure he’s presidential material, though. He’d make a good VP for Walker, Haley, Perry, Martinez, or your mom.

  153. I meant the guy in the pooping video, not Rubio.

  154. Most women I’ve worked with would rather die than poop at work. It has to be very painful to be full of shit all day long.

    Would you know anything about that, MJ?

  155. Ali Liston fight was probably rigged!

    http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/feb/24/was-rigged-by-mob/

  156. It has to be very painful to be full of shit all day long.

    I’ve worked with a few women — and men — for whom being full of shit was a default state.

  157. Jeez, just saw one of the X-ray techs who used to work here when I was in the ER. He had some sort of medical mishap and ended up with a below knee amputation. He’s about my age chronologically but looks much older. His kid went to the same college I did and we used to chat about that often. Man…

  158. Local guy got busted, on video tape, screwing a cow.

    He worked for the school system so he is the lead story with every newscast,and his picture is on the front page of the paper.

    He’ll probably make Drudge by morning.

    I almost feel sorry for him.

  159. Most women I’ve worked with would rather die than poop at work. It has to be very painful to be full of shit all day long.
    Would you know anything about that, MJ?
    —————————
    I know it pays well.

  160. Jimbro, that’s the primary reason we try to have a family member bedside the whole time. We wanna make sure we know what’s happening, and have an extra set of eyes to make sure everyone is singing from the same page.

  161. Ali Liston fight was probably rigged.

    Nah. None of us thought so at the time.

  162. I was a kid, but my dad was a big fight fan and we watched it
    He said it looked phony even at that time

    The rematch, however, WAS so obviously a fraud that hardly anyone believed it
    It was total bullshit – the most obvious thrown Championship fight ever

  163. You are wise to do that

  164. The amount of money the mafia could make fixing a fight is mind blowing.

  165. I almost feel sorry for him.

    Resist the temptation. His fault for being too much of a cheapskate to buy a few drinks for a fat girl.

  166. Afternoon.

  167. Jewstin! Please report your progress.

  168. Local guy got busted, on video tape, screwing a cow.
    ——————————-
    Sean?

    Is the cow pregnant?

  169. BTW, Jazz-Hands-Squirrel avatar = pure sweetness. I want to give him toasted peanuts.

  170. Today I built one (1) of these:

    http://tinyurl.com/mbq62sp

  171. Evening Hostages. There are 3 extra kids in my house. Psycho mom showed up and dropped off the kids just as she and my wife scheduled.

  172. Where’s MCPO?

  173. Wow. Sonny Liston was a grade A asshole.

    He deserved to be whacked.

  174. Also, I probably won’t be laid off until May.

  175. Is it safe to make fun of you yet, Bcoch?

    Hotspur just asked me.

  176. Also Bcock, you are not our youngest commenter by 15 years. MJ and I are only late 30s and Will is — I think — still under 30.

  177. Sure. However, I reserve the right to tell you to go suck a dick.

    That work?

  178. Of course.

    I believe it has something to do with the one of the amendments. Not sure which one. Possibly the one starting with….hmm. Had it there for a second, now I can’t remember which one.

  179. Also, I probably won’t be laid off until May.

    Yay?

  180. Floyd’s balls are only about 4 years old.

  181. The command to suck a dick requires no context in this venue. It can always be given.

  182. ^^Tagline ^^

    Fixy.

  183. Wow. Sonny Liston was a grade A asshole.

    He deserved to be whacked.

    Laura’s dog just had visions of the spatula.

  184. Floyd’s balls are dead, though.

  185. Ok, so that’s three people who can’t tell me to get off their lawn.

  186. I probably missed the middle portion of the story, but I’m glad no one is dead, the kids are safe, and you still have your sense of humor.

  187. These 4 AM days are rough.

  188. Oh I’ll still tell you to get off my lawn, but that’s just a matter of cherished conservative principle.

  189. Yay?

    Meh. I would mind a termination date. On the other hand, Magpul might be starting operations here by then.

  190. MJ, it’s a sad and pathetic tale. Mom has made comments about herself and the kids (if you believe the husband), her parents basically told her to take care of her own shit and the husband now has pending domestic violence charges.

    It’s like an episode of Maury or something.

    The humor is alive and inappropriate. Like I told you, scary situation and I jumped on you guys. My bad.

    Leon, I KNOW that’s in the Constitution. Somewhere. In the back maybe.

  191. Magpul might be starting operations here by then.

    *thud*

  192. It’s a penumbra of an emanation of a boot in your ass. I think.

  193. ‘Shaggy Dog Story’

    Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 4-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

    The young family’s 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough,” more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her 20 little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

    At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

    When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

    “Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

    The little girl replied, “I will, if those assholes at Lowes ever deliver the fuckin’ drywall…”

  194. Mom is probably fooling around with Sean, and pregnant.

  195. The little girl replied, “I will, if those assholes at Lowes ever deliver the fuckin’ drywall…”

    Ha ha

  196. You can tell me to suck a dick, or you can tell me how to suck a dick, but you can’t do both.

  197. MJ, it’s a sad and pathetic tale. Mom has made comments about herself and the kids (if you believe the husband), her parents basically told her to take care of her own shit and the husband now has pending domestic violence charges.
    —————————————–
    Ask her if she likes gigantic cocks. We could have a love connection.

  198. Sean might be too good for her.

  199. Hahahahahaha

    ChrisP, I told that joke at an event I was emceeing for the contractors association about ten years ago.

    We’ll done. I’d forgotten it.

  200. Love that joke chrispy.

    HS, I’ll leave the “how to” to MJ. He seems good at the instructional/demonstration thing.

  201. Wiser was the last one in the bathroom with mints and Listerine.

  202. Well, he definitely has an awareness of bodily fluids.

  203. “Come down hard on the cast iron drill!”

  204. SURPRISE! There is a delay in the kitchen remodeling. *sigh*

  205. SEAMAN!

    Oh, wait. That’s MCPO.

  206. MJ, that photo of you on the STL H2 short bus is still one of my favorites.

  207. MJ – Stand up so everyone can see you! Oh, nevermind.

  208. MCPO, these things happen. Your poor contractor had to send his guys home, plus he had to explain to another client that their job is postponed.

    You should probably buy him a drink.

  209. Can I brag on my man for a second? As you may know, we are working on our front room, and we decided to re-do the mantelpiece so that it doesn’t look quite so cattywampus.

    Mr. TiFW “engineered” some new-ish pieces onto the old upper shelf to make it straight and to make it fit the space. Here’s a picture of a detail of the final piece:

    http://is.gd/BkjkeA

    Yeah, he could have made a completely new shelf piece, but we wanted to keep as much of the old mantle as possible; the additional pieces on the side will not be noticeable when the final mantle is assembled.

  210. Hotspur – Yeah, I’m trying to be cool about it. This “Last Minute Logistics” way of doing business doesn’t seem real smart to me.

  211. Lean Contracting.

  212. Hahahahaha

    I was just pulling your chain, Chief.

    Your contractor was a doofus for ordering the wrong sealant. Or his supplier dropped the ball. Either way – his bad.

  213. I am glad you’re sealing it though.

  214. Chief, I thought every remodeling project takes longer than expected.

    Shit happens, one thing leads to another, and before you know it you’re a couple of weeks/months behind schedule.

    Happens to us all the time, and we’re almost always the ones doing all of the construction work….

  215. How far off does the bubble have to be off to qualify for cattywampus?

  216. Oops – guess I missed the part about the sealant. *blushes*

  217. How far off does the bubble have to be off to qualify for cattywampus?

    Five whiskers.

  218. Your check cleared, they are not coming back.

    Hotspur knows, he’s just trying to be polite.

  219. I touched Sheryl Anderson’s cattywampus while listening to Eric Clapton.

    Then her parents came home.

  220. Well, there was a channel cut into the lower mantle piece on both sides – one side was 1″ further back from the front edge than the other side, and the upper shelf was cut such that each end extended 1″ from the edge of the respective column:

    http://is.gd/vK2ZT4

    You couldn’t tell looking at it straight on (which is why we never noticed it for 28 years….):

    http://is.gd/XXeHNq

  221. Should sat a marble on it.

  222. Mr. TiFW evened up the channels, then cut a strip from the back of the upper piece to make both sides the same height. That meant that he had to add a piece to the back that was about 2″ wide to compensate for the difference.

    I put up a post about the first phase last weekend (with pictures), but didn’t figure anyone wanted to read about it.

  223. It’s not that I didn’t want to read about it, it’s just that do-it-yourselfers are a contractor’s worst nightmare.

  224. Here’s what it looked like after Mr. TiFW sanded the surface:

    Top View: http://is.gd/za0jCF

    Front View: http://is.gd/VVPdWC

    We still have a few more tweaks to make, and we need to patch a few nail holes and stain and varnish the entire piece. Of course, the final steps are what always seems to take the longest on these projects….

  225. Repeat, I know, but show your contractor a picture of the previous contractor, MCPO. Tell him your wife is easily upset, and nobody wants that.

  226. I understand the sentiment, HS – Mr. TiFW might surprise you, though. His grandfather was a carpenter, and he spent more than a few summers working construction with his dad and brothers. He has a workshop with all of the “big” toys :-)

  227. I did put my foot down when it came to building the fireplace surround….we had a professional come in and do that for us – well worth the money we spent for it.

    We both shudder when we watch “Renovation Realities” on the DIY channel. We always go into a project with a well-thought out plan, lots of measurements made, drawings where necessary, etc. We’ve never just started tearing anything down.

  228. Did anybody speculate about the size of anybody else’s genitalia today?

  229. Yes, Sean. We all decided you were hung like a park squirrel.

  230. Yikes, Pepe!

    I assume the person in that picture didn’t make it?

  231. That’s not what I heard, Chief.

  232. Just want y’all to know that I forgive you for forgetting my birthday.

    Sure it hurt, but don’t worry. I’m over it. Don’t try to compensate with late gestures, it’s not necessary. Really. I am smothering you all with Lutheran forgiveness. Who the heck cares about birthdays anyway. Not me. No siree Bob.

  233. Happy birthday, Michael, you fucking cunt.

  234. You’ve already had 3 or 4 this year, Michael. Don’t be so greedy.

  235. I am smothering you all with Lutheran forgiveness.

    Ew.
    *passes around the box of wet wipes*

  236. >>>*passes around the box of wet wipes*

    You’re gonna need more wet wipes.

  237. *takes box from Laura*

    Thanks – glad I was standing behind HS when that happened; most of it landed on him.

  238. I am not falling for Lutheran forgiveness, again.

  239. But the jello, scott, the jello.

  240. Dammit. Puppy blender fooled me again! Jerk. I’ve gotta watch for these Althouse links.

  241. Lutherans – Always plastering stuff on the walls and doors!

  242. Lutheran forgiveness tastes like lutefisk.

  243. But she’s the most conservative conservative from conservative Wisconsin who voted for Obammer, twice!

  244. Comment by Michael on February 25, 2014 8:29 pm
    Don’t try to compensate with late gestures,
    ======
    Pretty sure about the kind of “gestures” you’re gonna get around here…………..

  245. The performance artist that nailed his sack to the pavement in Russia was Lutheran.

  246. Ann Althouse is a one-woman argument against female suffrage.

  247. So…..are those two fine specimens of cow-pokers highlighted at Ace’s place the same guys that Scott was talking about earlier, or is this a “thing” now?

  248. Martin Luther’s 99 theses were also (badly-misinterpreted) performance art.

    By the time he realized people were taking it seriously, it was too late.

  249. Lutheran forgiveness is a scam.

  250. >>>Martin Luther’s 99 theses were also (badly-misinterpreted) performance art.

    No, no…you’re thinking of L Ron Hubbard.

  251. Same guys.

  252. The performance artist that nailed his sack to the pavement in Russia was Lutheran.

    He was 97 testes short, too. He needed 48 more participants and Lance Armstrong to do it right.

  253. Fun scanner cal from yesterday AM:

    Dispatch sends an “ALERT TONE”, pretty much a “Stop what you’re doing and Listen” thing to all Pierce County Deputies:

    “Witness reports a brown Altima, plate xxxxx stopped at 38th and Pacific. Hispanic male in 20s jumps out and snatched little girl off the sidewalk. She’s screaming “Help me!”.
    He stuffs her in the car and proceeds south on Pacific.”

    Well, Pacific is also WA State Highway-7, so State Troopers are patrolling there, It’s also in the city of Tacoma, so TPD is there, and the county of Pierce, so PCSD is there.

    Eventually, the Altima driver realizes that he’s leading a procession that makes OJs Bronco look like an amatuer…

    He pulls into a 7-11 parking-lot and jumps out of the car, to find himself looking-down tha barrels of 8 .40-cal Glocks.

    Turns-out that he is “Moms new boyfriend”, and he and the girl got into a tiff. She stomped-out, and mom sent him out to bring her home.

    The conversation at “home” was probably interesting, after that confrontation.

    The ‘boyfriend’ was damned lucky that did not happen in Seattle.
    SPD would have shot him so many times that identifying the body would have been “problematic”…

  254. So…..are those two fine specimens of cow-pokers highlighted at Ace’s place the same guys that Scott was talking about earlier, or is this a “thing” now?

  255. L Ron Hubbard is Martin Luther…

    Finkle is Einhorn….

  256. The ‘boyfriend’ was damned lucky that did not happen in Seattle.
    SPD would have shot him so many times that identifying the body would have been “problematic”…

    Too close to what happened in KC. I can’t even look at that story.

  257. L Ron Hubbard is Martin Luther…

    My mind is blown.

  258. The POS strikes again.

    The White House threatened to veto a House bill that would block the Internal Revenue Service from issuing a rule that would narrow the definition of who qualifies for a 501(c)(4) exemption as a social welfare organization.

    http://bit.ly/1kcVzLd

  259. Finkle is Einhorn…

    Rosencratz & Guildenstern are dead.

  260. Since I read the story about the cow humpers, I keep singing “I’m a cow fucker” to the tune of “I’m a girl watcher” and it’s making me laugh. They lyrics are nearly perfect for bovine love, too.

  261. I sing that on elevators.

  262. You sing “I’m a cow fucker” on elevators?

  263. That’s how we met and fell in love.

  264. Awwww….so romantic.

  265. The House GOP does realize that Barky backs off whenever anyone steps over his red lines, right?

  266. most husbands wouldn’t wake up after a comment like that. Besides, with that hump, I’d think laura was more of a camelid than bovine.

  267. What TiFW said!

  268. Good way to get the elevator to yourself.

  269. That, and gas.

  270. Time for bed. See y’all tomorrow. ;-)

  271. Slacker.

  272. Is he quitting? Just because he’s been up since 4:30am?? Pffft. Amateur.

  273. I know!

  274. I’m still on the clock.

  275. Attaboy.

  276. I have to get up early and study for yet another stupid exam. Only this one is really exceptionally stupid. I am not going to do well. Because I do not take this subject seriously. I read it, and I’m like, whatever.

  277. >>> I read it, and I’m like, whatever.

    Sounds like quite a few of the law classes I took.

  278. I think my days of working enough hours for two jobs is soon coming to an end. Coming to an end for my one cases that was taking half my time. Gonna miss that half of my paycheck I think.

  279. Okay, off the clock. Time to take vitamins and unwind a bit.

  280. Is this the class where the whore teacher needs a good ass whoopin’?

  281. Vitamins on the rocks.
    Yep.

  282. Is this the class where the whore teacher needs a good ass whoopin’?

    I’m ashamed to say that I’ve watched this movie.

  283. Nah, tonight’s not a drinking night. That’s Thursday.

  284. Couldn’t sleep a wink all day, but now that it’s almost time to head to the hospital for the night shift, I can’t stay awake.

  285. Was that the one with Savannah? MJ just emailed me to ask you.

  286. No, Cyn. That exam was yesterday. This one, the professor is actually really nice. But, Sociology. It’s…ugh.

  287. saw this music map:
    http://tinyurl.com/mkvqhuq

    it said i’m supposed to listen to this guy:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p6PcFFUm5I

    never heard of him

  288. These vitamins are making me sleepy.

  289. Sociology – blechhh. Fortunately, I had a wicked cool teacher who made the class interesting; he used to go drinking with us now and again too. He even talked me into some ROTC classes.

  290. XBrad, how is XMom doing? Give her a gentle hug and kiss from us, please!

  291. Add more ice, Scott.

  292. Fish oil, D3, chromium picolinate, magnesium, dhea, collagen, tribulus terrestris, gelatin, and C.

  293. kinda interesting
    http://musicmachinery.com/2014/02/25/exploring-regional-listening-preferences/

  294. JAM2: change your log in/email address… I keep fishing you out of teh bucket with what you’re using dude!

  295. “tribulus terrestris”

    trouble with the tribble?

  296. Linkin Park for AZ?

    Meh; they have a few good tunes.

  297. Haha! “dammit.com”

    Well done, sir. Whatever works right?!

  298. Herbal testosterone support/hormonal precursor. The modern environment is swimming in xenoestrogens, and this is one of the very few xenoandrogens.

  299. Anita is praticing the Viola. I am drinking.
    NYTOL…

  300. “Whatever works right?!”

    i was being lazy…. it never works

  301. saw this music map:

    http://tinyurl.com/mkvqhuq

    Huh – check out Florida.

  302. Was that the one with Savannah? MJ just emailed me to ask you.
    —————————
    No no no. That was mare.

  303. *shakes fist at a missing Mare*

  304. Oh, I forgot to mention I met mare last week.

    It was nice.

  305. You did not.

  306. Oh, I forgot to mention I met mare last week.

    Lies.

  307. Demon spawn.

  308. Damnnn… tough room

  309. *uses fire extinguisher on Dave’s pants*

  310. How can you mend a broken heart?
    How can a loser ever win?

  311. The music map is interesting. Sufjan Stevens has been popular pussy folk in MO and IL for like 20 years.

  312. *uses flamethrower on Cyn’s fire extinguisher.

  313. heh – florida – Rick Ross
    catchy tune – nice effort by MJ’s compadre:
    She Wanna Ballin’
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie0Bo4luF1M

  314. Look there could be three-letter agencies involved.

  315. *prepares for conflagration *
    http://tinyurl.com/kjkwmvs

  316. heh Cyn
    I am now fostering Goldens again. Or soon will be.

  317. “I told the president, next game, I’ve got him,” Biden said of the former NBA star, “I may be a white boy, but I can jump.”

    Joe Biden said this at a dinner in honor of black history month.

    Was White Boys Can’t Jump a 90s movie with Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes portraying basketball hustlers?

    Hilarious.

  318. Biden/Michelle:

    Starring Michael J. Fox and Rosie Perez.

  319. Biden is a national treasure. And by treasure I mean embarrassment for which the ghost of Washington should rise up and curse us all.

  320. He’s fucking awesome.

    The leading candidates, some of which will die before 2016 are: Clinton, Biden, Sanders, Dean, and Greene.

    There was a great purge of Democrats in the 2010 election.

  321. And Helen of Troy. I hear she’s formed a PAC and is thinking about running.

  322. And also Lucy.

    http://is.gd/u8IxuN

  323. They should run Dingell. He’s not busy.

  324. Greyson,
    and who as Guam tipping over? Him.

  325. was not as my bad

  326. I’m considering fostering 18 year old Swedish Au-pairs.

  327. To SoCalians:

    I’m going to be vacationing in Long Beach during the last week of March. You can either keep a safe distance or venture closer into the sphere of Sinophobia and chartology that surrounds me.

    If you choose the latter, I’ll buy you a drink as recompense.

  328. Of course you are Master Chief.
    I am 100% certain herself is up with it as well.

  329. I’m considering fostering 18 year old Swedish Au-pairs.

    Do you have a contact who can get me some from Latvia?

    I’m asking for me.

  330. Bedtime.

  331. “Bedtime”

    nuh uhh

  332. I’ll be in my bunk, researching Latvian Au-pairs.

  333. Deep in the darkest night
    I send out a prayer to you
    Now in the derp of light
    Where the spirit free of the lies
    And all else that we despised.

  334. `

  335. “Insomnia” is such a lonely word
    Lying here away its true
    Insomnia is hardly ever cured
    And mostly what I need to do

  336. Lying here AWAKE its true

    At least I’m still capable of typos

  337. what the hell happened to my avatar?

  338. Working?

  339. Hah! got it

  340. Almost time for Wednesday wangfest. Given that this place is a sausage factory (in general), no wonder no one’s commenting!

  341. Good morning all!

    Late night fixing femurs….coffee IV in effect.

  342. wakey wakey.

  343. Morning, children.

  344. what the hell happened to my avatar?

    Avatar matching the comment win goes to Jazz on 2/26/14!

  345. Someone go poat on HHD. I’m not gonna be first.

    I don’t want to appear desperate.


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS