Congratulations, Chuck Lorre!

Anyone who watches Big Bang Theory, or any other Chuck Lorre Production, is probably familiar with the “Chuck Lorre Vanity Card”

For those that are not, at the end of every episode of a Chuck Lorre production, they flash a quick little note, story, comment, etc. by Chuck.  They fly by too quickly to actually read in real time, so they are numbered and you can find them on-line here.  Warning, only attempt to read these aptly-named “vanity” cards if you can handle smug, self-righteous, pretentious pomposity from a pseudo-intellectual leftist douche.

After watching a re-run of BBT from February 2009 last night, I caught the start of this vanity card and had to pause the screen and read the rest:

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #239

TO DO LIST

Live to see a highly educated, deeply thoughtful, articulate, cool, biracial President who is not overly crippled by childhood wounds and capable, in no particular order, of freeing the nation of its oil dependence, restoring its international standing, creating universal health care, resurrecting the economy, ending two wars, rebuilding the public education system, finally bringing about an end to the mindlessness of racism, encouraging science and technology, firmly addressing environmental issues and global warming, and uniting the nation – and the world – in a giant cultural, tipping point leap forward.

Meet super-intelligent aliens who disarm the entire planet, cure every disease and take us all for rides across the galaxy.

Play a round of par golf.

Trade solos with Eric Clapton.

Win an Emmy.

Get married, stay married.

One down, five to go.

cuoco and melissa and dragqueen sexy dresses ii

(Gratuitous picture of Michelle Rauch, Kelly Cuoco and a couple of guys, one, inexplicably, in drag)

Well, let me be the first to say, Congratulations on winning your first Emmy, Chuck!

wait….  what?

You haven’t won an Emmy?  In a town that prides itself on incestuous, self-serving never-ending award-show circle jerks, and in an industry that gives awards for Outstanding Hairstyling for a Single-Camera Series,  Outstanding Picture Editing for Reality Programming and Outstanding Commercial, you, the producer of the highest rated comedy show of all time, have not received an Emmy?

Wow.

I would imagine that you’ve really got to be some kind of outstanding douche in the field of douche-baggery for that to happen.  (damn shame there’s no Emmy for that, amitrite?  Seriously, you would be a LOCK, mah brutha!)

But, hey. My mistake.  Sorry about that.

Congrats on that par round of golf!

That must have felt awesome.

UPDATE:

For the ladies:

Thor

292 Comments

  1. I register my disdain by not watching any Chuck Lorre shows.

  2. That. It’s not like you haven’t been preparing for how long now.
    How is dad? Is he at peace with it?

    ******

    Well, that’s mostly what we’ve been waiting for. He has zero quality of life now, because when he’s home, he can do little but sleep,eat and concentrate on trying to eat.

    At the dinner table, he barely joins in, etc. He’s conversive, it’s just not the same – mostly because he probably just feels like crap.

    Comment by Cyn on May 30, 2013 11:22 am

    Perhaps we could do a special ginger day just for me?

    We could, of course, but I think we’ve already used all seven of the decent looking gingers out on the internets.

    Hey now.

  3. I register my disdain by not watching any Chuck Lorre shows.

    I’ve gotten over my “boycott all leftarrds!!!” purity. There are some I can’t watch, because they are too in-you-face about it it and let it infect their product.

    But BBT never does that. And the actors really aren’t too vocal. So I can handle it.

    And seriously, I don’t think my not watching BBT is gonna hurt Chuck all that much.

  4. This poat is missing Thor.

  5. Bah… I’ll just hit our Media folder to repost them all, Car in.

    Besides: Safe search is for Sissies.

    Ba haaa haaaa haaa.

    This poat does need more Thor.

  6. I’d say he was 0/0 because he looks like he can’t put the bong down long enough to go play miniature golf.
    I bet he has pictures of O’Chavez hanging above his bed. *barfs*

  7. Wiser- I watch so little tv, it’s not really a protest. It’s actually a convenience for me to say I’m boycotting them. I simply don’t watch, EOL.

  8. This poat is missing Thor.

    My bad.

    I forgot that we had moved more towards content free poats recently….

    I’ll take this one down.

    My apologies to everyone here who may have been offended by my insensitivity…..

  9. Wiser, you just need to put a picture of thor IN your post.

    is that so fricken hard?

  10. Perhaps we could do a special ginger day just for me?

    I got some ginger pics squirreled away.

    Latex or corsets?

  11. Of course, Ezra has to out-do with this POS:

    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-05-29/one-way-obamacare-may-already-be-working.html

  12. What he doesn’t know is, super intelligent alien life forms know a douche when they see one and will feed them to their larvae.

  13. is that so fricken hard?

    Okay, I’m on it.

  14. Obamacare is working because health care costs have been trending lower since 2005!!!!

    GENIUS.

  15. DONE!

    Poat has been Thor-erized,

  16. What he doesn’t know is, super intelligent alien life forms know a douche when they see one and will feed them to their larvae.

    BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  17. So, Obama’s responsibility for the deaths in Benghazi is one way of dealing with Bush’s mess.
    Staying in Afghanistan with so many more casualties than Bush, is another way of dealing with Bush’s mess.

  18. DONE!

    Poat has been Thor-erized,

    This is why we didn’t give you the keys to H5

  19. Bending the cost curve downward: http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20130530/BIZ/305290044/Hundreds-laid-off-St-John-Providence-Health-System?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

    Of course, administration is a bit of the people losing their jobs, which is probably needed. But this –

    The federal health care law provides incentives for hospitals to reduce hospital admissions, and hospitals that continue to re-admit patients within 30 days for some conditions can be fined. As a result, many hospitals are experiencing decreased revenue. The shortfall was expected to be offset by the Medicaid expansion, which was to add thousands to Michigan’s Medicaid rolls and decrease the nearly $2 billion annually hospitals provide in uncompensated care for indigent patients. But Michigan lawmakers haven’t approved the expansion.

    “If we total up the cuts we’re seeing under the (Affordable Care Act), the recent sequestration and other adjustments, the anticipated (negative) impact on hospitals is about $9 billion,” Seaman said. “We’ve essentially paid for a Medicaid expansion that we haven’t benefited from yet.”

    From The Detroit News: http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20130530/BIZ/305290044#ixzz2Un6i3Bn2

  20. Preparing the middle east for the rebirth of the caliphate – and then THE WORLD – is the olive branch in dealing with Bush’s mess.

  21. UPDATE:

    For the ladies:

    No.

  22. I think Wiser’s Thor is a cover.

    What’s the theory say about that?

  23. “If we total up the cuts we’re seeing under the (Affordable Care Act), the recent sequestration and other adjustments, the anticipated (negative) impact on hospitals is about $9 billion,” Seaman said. “We’ve essentially paid for a Medicaid expansion that we haven’t benefited from yet.”

    Geeeee, I wonder if this hospital was one of the groups that supported this awesome idea in the first place?

  24. Ca rin, those two paragraphs are mind numbing. How is a 2 billion dollar medicaid expansion supposed to help a 9 billion dollar loss?

  25. No.

    Would you prefer Aquaman instead?

  26. For Cyn only. Nobody else click.

  27. Good rant on a leftist douche, Wiser. Personally, I don’t think we can do that enough.

    Carin, I’m sorry about your Dad and I’m also sorry that Hospice won’t be the same awesome system that helped out with my Dad. Yes, they are just nurse visits but they were great with bringing and setting up a hospital bed, morphine use and the practical matters following my Father’s death.

  28. Good rant on a leftist douche, Wiser. Personally, I don’t think we can do that enough.

    Thanks, Mare.

    I saw that card last night and laughed and laughed and laughed.

    How childish they are. Not child-like, with it’s insinuations of innocence and wonder, but childish, which denotes the petty, selfish and immature nature of the average leftst.

  29. “How childish they are. Not child-like, with it’s insinuations of innocence and wonder, but childish, which denotes the petty, selfish and immature nature of the average leftst.”

    Nailed it.

  30. Car in, will his wife and your siblings be coming by to sit with him and help you out?

  31. I assume this was discussed earlier this week?

    http://tinyurl.com/okklnmu

    Is there any better example of a municipal union employee that this?

  32. No way he played a round of par golf.

    Some drunk “ex”-wife must have forgotten to divorce him.

  33. He’s just big boned.

  34. When you read that whole article, there are so many things wrong, you’re not exactly sure what to be more outraged over.

    156,000/2 hour a day job.

    The fear underlings have that he will retaliate.

    His costing the city millions to outfit fat ambulances because he suffered a stroke because he’s a lazy pig.

    His comment about “power naps” and eating and “can’t I close my eyes?”

    And since it’s a “given corruption” I won’t even comment on the city paying for his fat faced meals because he writes them off as a business expense.

  35. xbrad – yesterday, Moochelle was in Boston “to meet again with the victims of the Marathon bombing” and to attend a fund raiser for Ed Markey *spit*. Can you guess which reason was used as the excuse to have the taxpayers fund this Democratic fund raising trip?

  36. He’s just big boned.

    doesn’t look like he has any bones whatsoever.

  37. I can’t even guess, AD.

  38. who knew the Stay-Puft marshmallow man was a union boss?

  39. The fear underlings have that he will retaliate.

    How the hell can you be afraid of that?

    He’s a fatal heart attack waiting to happen. Toss a couple of firecrackers into his office while he’s sleeping and he’s a dead man.

  40. PUPSTER!!!! GRAB YOUR MOMENT!!!!

    http://tinyurl.com/k7c28uh

  41. Exactly, Wiser, it’s ridiculous. At least the dumb asses below him were smart enough to take pictures.

  42. Still no Thor?!

    Bah.

  43. His costing the city millions to outfit fat ambulances because he suffered a stroke because he’s a lazy pig…

    …the city paying for his fat faced meals because he writes them off as a business expense.

    Mare, did you see me linking the following comments about the pigfest yesterday? Comments 2, 7, 10, and 20….7 & 20 being a thing of beauty. Oink.

    http://www.gaypatriot.net/2013/05/27/recovery-for-the-one-percent/

  44. Still no Thor?!

    Bah.

    Are you blind, woman?

  45. He’s a fatal heart attack waiting to happen. Toss a couple of firecrackers into his office while he’s sleeping and he’s a dead man.

    Why does that comment make my pants want to fly around the room?

  46. My health insurance just went from $800/mo. to $1,450.

  47. Sorry about your dad, Car. He’s a good guy.

  48. hahahaha….Beansnsns that was good, real good.

  49. Quityerbitchin hotspur, my parasitic brother won’t pay for it himself, you know. Someone has to – why not you, since you’re all into the capitalistic oppression of the parasitic down-on-their-luck-as-they-keep-digging-their-own-worthless-holes.

  50. “My health insurance just went from $800/mo. to $1,450.”

    Hoo boy. Here we go. I wonder when I’ll get my new Obamacare rate?

  51. What changed, HS?

  52. $800/mo. to $1,450.

    See, this is why I cannot be “friends” with libs/lefties. To most, that is a lifestyle change, you actually have to forfeit something you really want or need to provide yourself with responsible coverage. Their endorsement of this (as an example) in order to pay for illegals getting care or beasnsnsns asshole brother getting care is not worth the friendship to me.

    Too big a chasm in how we think, how the world works, my sense of fairness and reason cannot sit at a table/bar/family gathering and listen to them talk about how they raise kids, vacation and work the system, because of course, we sure as hell are not talking about politics.

    Doesn’t matter I guess, I have enough conservative, hard working, patriotic, lazy/mooch hating, family loving friends to keep me busy.

  53. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-chang-chinese-navy-20130530,0,7560801.story

    Isn’t this how Debt of Honor started? This seems like a bad idea, military exercises with China.

  54. Chuck Lorre is a man in desperate need a junk punch. I’m not saying I’d give it to him if I were close enough, but it would occur to me.

  55. What changed, HS?

    Besides my premium? Nothing.

  56. Good day, people who may be recorded for quality and training purposes.

  57. Oso – I called my sister, so hopefully she’ll man up.

    Step is here, though.

    No word on brother. don’t know.

  58. You shouldn’t have any issues, since mare is there to run errands for ya, Car in.

  59. That’s what I need. mare here to help me out. Run kids around.

    buy me wine when I get low.

  60. Mare killed it.

  61. Even before Obama was elected President, Mark Tapscott predicted the IRS scandal.

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/notes-on-obamas-coming-caracas-on-the-potomac/article/136376

  62. This is me not talkin about it.

    *hugs Car in*

  63. Shoot, I’d love to do that for you, Carin.

  64. I think we all knew he was going to pull all sorts of shit to silence his critics or anyone reporting on his criminal activities.

  65. That’s pretty amazing, xbradtc.

  66. ha, xbrad, I remember the lefties telling us how that was “just a big nothingburger”. May not be a direct quote, but it’s accurate.

  67. This is a decent post.

    Who wants to do BBF tomorrow?

  68. No, Mare. It’s not. It’s amazing we didn’t remember the warning, though.

  69. This is a decent post.

    I deem your basic descriptor as acceptably banal.

  70. So sorry to hear about your Dad, Car in {{{hugs}}}

    I’m sure there are lots of good folks in town who would be more than willing to help out in hauling your kids hither and yon so that you can concentrate on stuff at home. People WANT to help in any way that they can; they are grateful for the chance to feel like they are doing something to ease your way.

    And you’ve got great kids – they will amaze you at a time like this with their compassion and care. It’s really something wonderful to behold.

    I’m glad that all of your family will have this chance to spend time with your dad on his final journey; as hard as it may be, it is also gratifying in a way to be able to be there at the end – to see that it is a peaceful transition and not something to be feared.

    Prayers and good thoughts (and lots of long-distance hugs) are being sent your way; if there is anything that you need, please let us know.

  71. I can do BBF, MJ

  72. Ew, just saw an obese woman wearing a t-shirt saying “Feel Lucky?” With the Lucky Charms leprechaun on it.

    NO !!!

  73. C’mon jimbro, fess up. You were trying to steal her Lucky Charms, weren’t you.

  74. They’re Magically Delicious!™

  75. They’re Magically Delicious!™

    http://tinyurl.com/lp8hggp

  76. Ew, just saw an obese woman wearing a t-shirt saying “Feel Lucky?” With the Lucky Charms leprechaun on it.

    They’re Magically Delicious!™

    http://is.gd/EjCaAX

  77. She’s a local vagrant. One of the advantages of living in a small town and working in a small city is recognizing the local lowlifes. Her Lucky Charms were safe from me!

    There’s a guy who has given up asking me for spare change for a bus ticket since I see him and say “Hi” a few times a week. He saves it for the tourists.

  78. Just save the change for Dave’s cab fare.

    (I don’t even know what the story is, and that sounds funny)

  79. Even better is the looks my woman gives certain females walking around town. Because she works in the ER and is good at assisting with pelvic exams the docs ask her to help out more than the other MA’s. She can’t say anything because of confidentiality but I know what “the look” means.

  80. She’s a local vagrant.

    They prefer the term “differently domiciled.” Watch yer ass.

  81. The cab fare story?

    Some of the funniest goddamn things in my life happened with Wiserbud. We were in Boston at a meetup and he offered to drive me back to my downtown hotel. Between my shitty GPS skills and his shitty navigation skills and the generally fucked up layout of downtown Boston we drove in circles for about a half hour. Finally I say “hey, just let me out here and I’ll wave down a cab”. So we hug, say seeya, I grab a cab and say “downtown Hilton”.

    Cabbie looks at me funny, shrugs and says “ok”. We drive almost a block, past a building, and there it is. Cabbie says, uh, dollar 47 sir”.

    Wiser had followed so he gets out of his car doubled over laughing, I’m laughing so hard I coulda sharted. Ever since whenever we talk about a teensy amount of money we call it “cab fare for Dave”

  82. “differently domiciled”

    Sean, I will not let them win this war of terminology!

    Hark, a vagrant!

  83. Heh, cool story, bro!

  84. Taking a break. Have been working in the hot-ass yard all day.

    Shoulders are sunburned. I am exhausted. Filthy. Will wait until the shadow of the house crosses the garden tonight, before I go out there and plant peppers and tomatoes.

    Just realized that the reason the neighbors aren’t out doing their yard work too is because…today is Thursday. Other people work today. I am all screwed up with days now. Honestly thought it was Sunday. But of course, I now work Sundays. Sheesh. Gonna take some getting used to.

    Although technically I am still working, even though this is my ‘weekend.’ Store phone is now my cell number. It was pretty weird to take a business call in the garden. But we’re lining up work for next week, which seems kind of amazing. My walk-in store really was unnecessary.

  85. That’s awesome, cut your overhead and keep the business you want.

  86. We shall see. Looks promising. Between my job, his job, and our business, we should be able to survive.

  87. Between my job, his job, and our business, we should be able to survive.

    Great news. Glad you’re gonna be able to keep your business going.

  88. It’s old, Hotspur. Wiserbud was joking about that yesterday.

  89. LauraW – I’m keeping you guys in my nightly thoughts. Wishing you all the best.

  90. and to whomever swapped out the original picture of Melissa and Kelly with that… that… abomination that is there now….

    STOP MESSING WITH MY POATS!!!!!

  91. I see someone didn’t get their Hitler Teapot yet!

  92. You read Wiserbud’s comments?

  93. Only after he leaves in a huff, Hotspur.

  94. Some people wake, everyday, just looking for opportunities to be offended.

  95. Her name is Kaley.

  96. And I’m sure I have no idea what your talking about, wiser.

  97. you’re

  98. *clicks off stopwatch and shakes head disappointedly*

    You’re slacking, ‘Spurt.

  99. Even before Obama was elected President, Mark Tapscott predicted the IRS scandal.

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/notes-on-obamas-coming-caracas-on-the-potomac/article/136376

    Damn fine read, Xbrad. Thanks.

  100. I’ve done what I can to be like Roamy. I was doing great except for the outfit, the hair, my weight and my brain size:

    http://tinyurl.com/l5rk6ju

  101. Don’t eat that cookie behind you.

  102. My computer screen refused to show your original picture, Wiser – which one was it?

  103. All you, Jay.

    I expect smut, wit, really stupid shit, and smut.

    You can find dumb gifs here:

    http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/

  104. I’m missing everything fun these days. I’m assuming there was some sort of decent thread about the Hitler tea pot, and I know for sure that…

    Oh, who am I kidding? What’s up with working out and gardening?

  105. Today kicked ass.

  106. MJ – STFU and start mixing drinks!

  107. decent thread about the Hitler tea pot

    Did you try H4?

    Actually, I “saw” the imagery right away when I opened the link. I was surprised how quickly the image of Hitler came to mind – “iconic” doesn’t just mean good images.

  108. Today kicked ass.

    Who’s?

  109. I wonder if you would have noticed, agile had you NOT known that the teapot looked like hitler to some.

  110. *looks around, does not see Car in*

    Hey Car in, I sincerely apologize for making fun of your exercise addiction. I just read this scientificky article about it on LiveScience.com. It turns out, strenuous exercise at the gym is a really really great idea for women.

    I’m not making this up. You can read about it here:

    Women Have Orgasms At The Gym

  111. Hey, all y’all!

  112. Just remember, boys and girls – under Obamacare’s glorious new Electronic Records Keeping, nobody will ever, ever, ever be able to access your information and/or pass it along to someone who may want to harm you:

    http://legalinsurrection.com/2013/05/investigation-into-breach-of-personal-data-at-utah-department-of-motor-vehicles/

  113. Hah, great link MJ!

  114. How do you mix a shat and a half of Tullamore Dew, assface?

  115. whose

  116. MJ – That would be Master Assface to you, buck-O!

  117. I fear you have awakened a sleeping giant with that gif link MJ

  118. Things I have had growing in the garden for some time now:
    sugarsnap peas
    sweet onions
    potatoes
    kale
    cilantro
    snow-on-the-mountain
    horseradish
    leeks
    carrots
    hakurei turnips
    artichokes
    dandelion greens (my mom eats them)

    Things I have just planted today:
    cucumbers
    zucchini
    luffa sponge (squash)
    delicata squash
    butternut squash
    lungha di napoli squash
    nasturtiums
    radishes

    Things I will plant tonight and tomorrow morning:
    mini bell peppers
    two kinds of slicer tomatoes
    horticultural beans
    two kinds of green filet beans
    romano beans
    marjoram
    basil

    This will leave about 1/4 the area of my garden for planting more in the next few weeks or so.

    Total seed failures so far: Blue hubbard squash, green melons, and lima beans.

  119. The Shat in The Hat?

  120. whose

    You misspelled hose, hose face.

  121. Those a-frames Scott built for my large squarshes have really freed up the regular tilled garden area for me. What a difference.

  122. Squashes like to spread don’t they?

    / rhetorical ?

  123. You may thank the Good Lord Almighty, Laura, that He, in his Infinite Wisdom, has spared your unworthy and unrepentant self from eating lima beans.

  124. More like it’s God’s way of telling me not to leave wet peat pots sowed with lima beans outdoors during a May cold snap, because they will rot off instantly.

    I will sow the remaining seed out in the garden in a week or two, when the weather will be more stable and the soil remains warm.

  125. MSNBC’s ratings are down? I can’t imagine why….

    ” MSNBC contributor and Georgetown University Professor Michael Eric Dyson said that Attorney General Eric Holder, himself a victim of an elaborate right-wing effort to smear him, is “the Moses of our time.”

  126. I think that makes Dave a racist.

  127. Afternoon.

  128. LauraW – Your energy and enthusiasm for your gardening is intimidating!

  129. Jewstin – How is the weather out there?

  130. Forgot about the shallots.

    Planted some shallots, too. Three of them. I don’t think they are going to be a very productive crop.

  131. Today I built seven (7) of these:

    http://tinyurl.com/lgod5xh

  132. It’s pleasantly cool, and sunny, but windy. That probably means more rain tomorrow or the day after.

  133. Hmmmm……

    I guess I am even less hip and with it than I thought – when the classy First Lady told her friends to “Max Out” because it “sounds kind of baller”, I naturally assumed that she meant “ballsy”.

    Nope.

    A thug that has “made it” to the big time. Originally referred to ball players that made it out of the streets to make millions as a pro ball player, but now is used to describe any thug that is living large.

    Lovely.

  134. Eh, MCPO, it feels like there’s a panicky devil driving me. It is definitely therapy at this point, more than just a hobby.

    On the bright side, we will be eating yummy new potatoes in a couple weeks! The German Butterball and Yellow Finns are starting to make blossoms.

    Potatoes are very mysterious. This is my first time really growing a good quantity of them on purpose. Wonder how they’re doing down there. I know I’m not supposed to look yet.

  135. Po-tah-to.

    Off to dinner with dear sainted mother.

  136. TiF, I’ve seen the term “baller” creep into the popular lexicon over the past several years and wondered wtf it truly meant. I’d assumed it meant someone who could play hoops well but its widespread use outside of B-ball mystified me. Moochelle’s use of it will hopefully hasten its demise.

  137. So, I’m, once again going to be handling the board duties at the station while the manager, etc. report in from a local event.

    This time, it’s all me. Nobody pushing and telling me what to do every second. Even get to play the music I bring.

    Woo HOO!

  138. I do my best to avoid hip-hop and urban culture, yo.

  139. You can’t spell crap without rap.

  140. The fucking FLOTUS using a cockass piece of ghetto slang is downright embarrassing.

  141. It kinda sucks losing the garage and dining room, but having all of our work stuff in the house is awesome. I packed a 6 drawer dresser without leaving home today.

    Somewhere a polar bear is saying thank you.

  142. Somewhere a polar bear is saying thank you.

    You should have started your truck and left it running in the driveway.

  143. >>>The fucking FLOTUS using a cockass piece of ghetto slang is downright embarrassing.

    And the surprising part here is……..

  144. >>>Somewhere a polar bear is saying thank you.

    Be sure to hug the very next one you see.

  145. They like it when you scratch their chin.

  146. Lady in West Hartford was bitten by a bear yesterday. It was chasing her dog so she kicked it.

    They don’t like being kicked.

  147. So Scott, now that you guys are using part of your house to run your business, are you allowed to deduct any house-related stuff on your personal income tax return(s)?

  148. Hell no.

  149. Michelle Obama is racist for using that language.

  150. >>>are you allowed to deduct any house-related stuff on your personal income tax return(s)?

    Can you say “audit?”

    Seriously, doing that is just begging for one.

    Plus, I’m sure they would have to file for a business license in their town, which would be denied due to zoning regs….

  151. >>>They don’t like being kicked.

    I’m stealing that for Saturday’s show

  152. Scott, tell Laura the blender is working perfectly if she needs a refreshing unsweetened margarita.

  153. Our tax guy said it pretty much guarantees an audit and if they find one thing not work related and you are doomed.

    I got in trouble with them once, not going there again.

  154. which would be denied due to zoning regs….

    Reft or right reg?

  155. We claimed depreciation on Mrs. Caruthers’s camera and portrait backdrop. None of that is household, and we don’t use any of that stuff for ourselves. So far, no audit.

  156. http://imgur.com/gallery/4R0eQdZ

  157. Yeah, like I want to start paying business property taxes to the town for the fucking dining room table we’ve had forever. Once I start doing paperwork on it, it’s a ‘business fixture.’ FTS. Nyooop.

    Wiser, I wish! Your unsweet frozen margaritas are the awesome.

  158. Why?

  159. All Scott needs to do is use the glue gun one time to fix something on the house: DISALLOWED!

  160. I’ve got a home office set up, but it also can be used as a guest room if needed.

    DISALLOWED!!!

  161. So far, no audit.

    Better not let ’em find out that you’re a Conservative :P

  162. “So far, no audit.”

    Too busy with the animal cruelty case.

    * whispers*
    there is nothing under the bricks

  163. Dog drops a toy in that room? Screwed.

    Family photos on the computer? Screwed

  164. My Boxster is a company car. We could only claim a fraction of it as a commercial vehicle because it’s a “luxury car.”

    Shit, a fully loaded pickup truck costs more, and they’re fully deductible.

    1%

  165. Believe me, I agonized over it. I wanted to leave the business income and outgo off the return entirely. It was a pittance, and we’re still in the hole. The Mrs. was more worried that we’d get audited if we went that route.

  166. I’m deducting my salary from my reported wages.

    WINNING

  167. “My Boxster is a company car.”

    You are screwed.

  168. Scott, we have been through 3 IRS “no adjustment” audits. They are enormous pricks, and they hate us because they can’t find anything to gig us for.

  169. You asked for the audits.

  170. You should get a business boat.

  171. Hahahahaha

    No, we got audited by the state for use tax on out of state purchases, which we didn’t know we needed to pay. They nailed us for $12,000, then reported us to the IRS for additional anal probing.

  172. Once they get their meat-hooks into you, they won’t let go.

  173. What if your clients want island homes?

    You need a boat, with a helicopter pad.

  174. Haha, chick just won a million on Wheel of Fortune.

    Tough Workout was the guess.

  175. In the old days you could write off a boat as an entertainment expense. Not no mo.

  176. Usta’ could write off hookers, too.

    Not no mo.

  177. I have entertained a lot of clients on my boat, but the pear shaped cunts that work at the IRS think I’m a crook.

  178. Lapeer was a business trip.

  179. Damn straight. You came to meet me, and I’d already engaged you for shipping services.

  180. In the old days you could write off a boat hooker as an entertainment expense. Not no mo.

    FIXT

  181. MCPO doesn’t read my comments.

  182. Leon – You are correct. . . and I apologize most insincerely.

  183. We delivered a hat and some clams.

  184. Eric Holder is not stepping down because….. racism.

  185. Five reasons to watch Sin Senos no hay Paraíso.

  186. I am going to buy a business boat and name it Eric Holder.

  187. Sin Senos no hay Paraíso

    Which one of those words means anal?

  188. Did anybody rule that anybody else’s testimony was inadmissible today?

  189. “Without Breasts there is no Paradise” it’s a soap opera about a prostitute who wants implants but runs afoul of the DEA.

  190. Uh oh.. Wiserbride is going to like the F-type.

  191. What does the DEA have against implants? I mean, I like ’em natural, but I think that’s outside of the agency’s purview.

  192. Sign me up. On Telemundo?

  193. >>>Uh oh.. Wiserbride is going to like the F-type.

    Hehehehe…

    TOO LATE!

  194. >>>Five reasons to watch Sin Senos no hay Paraíso.

    I see 10 reasons…

  195. MunDos.

  196. Man, I have pages and pages of notes on the useful stuff I learn here at H2.

    *makes note — do not kick bears*

  197. Michael, that’s a bullshit old wives’ tale. You should definitely kick bears.

  198. Lemon Bears like Dick Punches

  199. >>>Michael, that’s a bullshit old wives’ tale. You should definitely kick bears.

    And after you kick them, I’ll give you $5 to put their……

    Never mind. I would feel really bad knowing you died doing what I suggest for only $5.

    I’ll give you $20

  200. I see 10 reasons…

    Stop touching yourself. Before it’s too late.

  201. Drive by…………

    Meat porn for Leon

  202. Looks good, Leon.

    I actually found a decent little Italian/Pizza joint in B’ham.

  203. So jealous.

  204. I was looking around to see if María Fernanda Yépes had done any BBF-worthy photo work (she’s pretty stacked), but couldn’t find anything.

  205. a decent little Italian/Pizza joint in B’ham.

    Sammy’s

  206. “I am going to buy a business boat and name it Eric Holder.”

    HA!!

  207. Meat porn for Leon

  208. I ordered 3 glass pitchers from Amazon this weekend (Check the widget) 2 were cheep under $20 one was $48

    Guess which one was broken when it arrived?

    (Hotspur, did I get the right witch which? Or did I miss one?)

  209. I had beef for lunch. Dinner was pork chorizo with eggs and cheddar, dressed with hot salsa.

  210. Hi Romy,
    i Mare.

  211. Hi, Vman!!

    Sounds like Houston suits you!

  212. Hi Vmax. I’m resting for a bit before doing more chores. I let a lot of stuff slide this past week.

  213. Salvatore’s. On US 31.

  214. finished the beef roast tonight. Still delicious.

  215. It does Mare
    Rest hard Romy
    Did Jay have Yorkshire pudding with his roast beast?

  216. I was making an inside joke, XBrad. The better-known Sammy’s in B;ham is a titty bar, the lesser known Sammy’s is a sandwich shop near the airport.

  217. Titty bar or Sammy shop? I know where Xbad will be.

  218. No Yorkshire pudding, never had it. My roast was southern style, as in cooked outdoors over a fire.

  219. We delivered a hat and some clams.

    ****\**

    Hahahaaaaaaaa

  220. Best job ever. Good work if you can get it.

  221. Lol

  222. Laura’s- Toms are in the ground. I said, the eagle had landed. Tom’s , peppers, herbs, cucs, beans, peas , squash, potatoes..

  223. It is simple Jay 2 eggs, 1 cup o milk,2 tsb of oil beat to consistency
    of pancake batter. Butter a pie pan and bake at 375 for 25 – 35 min or until golden brown and delicious. And puffy, it will fall minutes after removing from oven so serve quickly.
    Add spices and cheese to batter to taste.I like mine spicy with cheese, bacon,and other stuff.DROWN THE MOFO IN SPICY GRAVY!!!!!!

    The English take it plain with gravy.
    Sorry got carried away there for a min.
    My bad

  224. Or fill a buttered muffin tin 2/3 full for individual servings. AKA Popovers

    I forget the ratio for popovers it is less flour.
    Why is iTunes so slow?

  225. sounds good!

  226. Add that to the recipes, Zman.

  227. BOOYAHHHH

    Gardenblog cannot be vanquished!

  228. J’Ames – Properly made, Yorkshire pudding is Heaven!

  229. Flower
    I want to work at Fluor

  230. Rabbits can vanquish gardenblog. I just had to fence in everything, to keep the plants alive.

  231. After doing more research on Yorkshire Pudding, I will indeed be making that. Sounds delicious.

  232. I looked it up too and saw the idea of making it right in the roast pan… yum.

  233. I see unfenced garden plots everywhere and they blow my mind. Tried this. Had to quit it, and buy wire. Gardening is heartbreaking in my yard, without a fence.

  234. Herself plants half the stuff to feed the varmints, I swear.

  235. Fencing is backbreaking

  236. DinT – It’s not like “real” fencing!

  237. Not little wire garden fence, Dave. Easy-peasy. Just posts and wire grid.

    Although, that stuff only works if the native soil is hard. On my mom’s soft sandy soil, the critters can easily dig under so you have to install a skirt or dig the fence down a foot or so. If the soil isn’t soft they won’t burrow under. My soil is not soft.

  238. Goodnight, people I bore to death each day. Glad you’re here.

  239. So is aikido.

  240. Fencing is easy. Triple strand concertina wire with a barbed wire apron is hard.

  241. Goodnight, Laura!

  242. ‘Nite, all – sweet dreams! ♥♥♥

  243. Around things that bunnies eat, we but little poultry-netting loops. Around each leg of the bean-poles, and over the strawberries. If we had peppers and peas in, we would wrap them, too.
    It’s been so damn cold and wet that none of the corn we put in three weeks ago has grown an inch! It looks just as we planted it.
    All the “Cold Weather” crops are doing great!
    High today was 60 and raining…

  244. ChrisPy – 90F and humid here. We turned on the A/C!

  245. Chief,
    This week we turned-on the frickin’ gas-log, for the first time in a month!

  246. Microwave mug cakes made for lunches tomorrow… awesome quick cake for one idea.

  247. Do they contain bacon? Beef stroganoff?

  248. In a coffee mug…
    5 tsp Choco/Lemon/Whatever Flavor Cake Mix
    1 tsp Angel Food Cake Mix
    2 Tbs Water
    Stir thoroughly
    Nuke 45 seconds
    Enjoy

  249. None of the above, X, but killer nonetheless.

    Oh, the choco version using Betty Crocker mixes is 22.5 carbs.

  250. On further pondering, bacon bits (real, not that bottled shit) might be wicked in the chocolate cake…

  251. A pic, from the internets: http://is.gd/uCfzam

  252. G’night peeps.

  253. Thx Cyn. That’s a keeper

  254. Some brothers wanna play that “hard” role
    And tell you that the derp ain’t gold
    So they toss it and leave it
    And I pull up quick to retrieve it

  255. Good morning all!

  256. Out the door for a busy day. Clubfoot, wrist fracture and a smashed patella. See you for bewbs.

  257. Up early. 430. Laid in bed for an hour, then got up and cleaned. sigh.

  258. I could go out and garden a bit before work?

    wakey wakey

    I did some garden-shopping therapy yesterday. Got all my herbs, and some gardeners had plants for sale by the road. Love that. I have ornamental to plant.

    But these things cannot be rushed. Sometimes it takes me a while to decide exactly where it should be.

    I should post pictures. That would excite everyone would be sure to get me banned by Wiser.

  259. Since no one’s here, I can bla bla bla about my garden all I want.

    I’m mixing up my veggie garden so that amid the raised (production) beds there is little paths of herbs and flowers. Around theoutside I have gooseberries, raspberries,blackberries, blueberries, and growing up the fence are all my squashes. In a barren spot, I threw down some sunflower seeds.

    And my broody hen is a-sitting on those eggs. SHe loves her job. I’m trying to figure out how to make a small coop for the mom when the babies are born. The bigger chickens will not be nice, and while the moms often DO protect, it’s not a sure thing she will be successful. That is the easiest option, but it’s dangerous and I’m not willing to risk.

    A few of my hens are mean to each other. I should just get rid of them.

  260. *whistles revelry

  261. Wow…..never realized the birds start singing THAT early in the morning…..

    Couldn’t sleep last night, so I might be a little cranky today –

    *goes to kitchen, grabs big knife, sits back down at computer*

    You’ve been warned….. :P

  262. OH – it just came to me. I know where to put the zinnias.

    ahhh.

  263. Does the hostage that yells “First!” on a post win a prize?

  264. OH – it just came to me. I know where to put the zinnias.

    In the ground, duh. This isn’t rocket surgery.

  265. Mean chickens make nice BBQ.

  266. leon knows. Low and slow, low and slow.

  267. And that is not a height joke.

    Silly.

  268. Yeah, a several year old bird is a candidate for slow cooking. You could smoke it, I’ll bet.

  269. I don’t want to kill, then pluck, a chicken. there is a place a bit North of me where you can auction off your chickens.

    People will pay a few bucks for them, and then serve them at Wong in cheeken fwried wice.

    /denounces self

  270. Depending on how laying goes next year, I’m probably going to have to do a lot of chicken smoking.

  271. I saw Mean Chicken BBQ open for Molly Hatchet in 1982.

  272. Mean Chicken, meet Molly Hatchet.

  273. I’ve conditioned my birds to be happy when they see me with the hatchet. Right now, it means they are getting a chopped-open pumpkin.

  274. stupid chickens

  275. leon is always thinking ahead.

    And I SWYDT roamy. Nicely done.

  276. do we want a new poat in 20 mins, or should I push it back?

  277. Since we have such overwhelming participation this AM, I pushed BBF back to 10 H2 time.

  278. Good call

  279. GoogMorning

  280. Last day of school for us. Yay.

    I’ll probably wake at 5 tomorrow. Because I don’t have to.

  281. Woke up at 4 or so also. Laid in bed. But was able to fall back asleep and even sleep in a little to catch those lost Zs.

    New work schedule WIN.

  282. Thx Cyn. That’s a keeper

    Oso – I found this based on the 3-2-1 (or 1-2-3) Cake recipe out on the internets; even Duncan Hines has the recipe on their site. But, the thing I noticed when I saw this recipe over and over again is that the carb count is wrong, wrong, wrong. The orig recipe at one site called for mixing the full bags of both cakes together, then adding 3 T of powder mix to the mug (2 T water, 1 min in Micro, hence the name) and it was only 16.8 carbs. No. Freaking. Way.

    That 22.5g carb math above is my math for that recipe with that brand.

  283. Yay for extra zzz’s, Laurawr.

  284. Yeah, even that extra 9 mins of the snooze button sleep feels good.

  285. Don’t feel bad, folks, that I’ve been awake five hours, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned out a bed and planted zinnias and now am going to clean the bathroom before I go to work.

    fml

  286. Ball, Kid: Hostages, IB

  287. New Poat!


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