Monday Motivational Muscle

I don’t feel all that up to a lengthy preamble this week, so this’ll be one of those short, content-light, phoning-it-in MMM poats. I’ll add a couple of extra pictures to make up for it. That’s like 2000 extra words, so it’s fine.

So my wife and I have been watching season one of Once Upon a Time. Snow White is cute, but not like this gal.

Oh hey, did I tell you guys I found a picture of Laura? Totally did.
There’s a ball joke here somewhere, but someone else can make it.
Merry Christmas, XBrad.
And a li’l Christmas snatch.
Can one deadlift with no soul? It would appear so.
Deadlifting is one of my favorite things, truly. The effect on a woman’s thighs and booty is tremendous.
I’m not sure why this woman appears to have been bronzed. I’m not complaining, exactly, but I don’t understand it.


  1. Uh oh, I’m first, and the poat has been live for 30 minutes. Y’all must be asleep or have jobs or something.

    I’d have been here sooner, but I had my usual Monday morning crap to do.

  2. wakey wakey.

    I liked PG’s story yesterday – I read it to mr car in. LOL.

    I get that all the time.

    It’s a FRICKEN SIDE DISH. Just pick one. Cripes.

  3. Oh, and nice tip.

    You can sit in my section anytime.

    (leaves low-lying fruit for anyone)

  4. They all look nice Leon however the Xbrad pic looks like she is taking a leak. Like a Dude.

  5. There’s a ball joke here somewhere, but someone else can make it.

    It takes balls to do a push up like that.

    There. I did your work for you. You want me to feed the horses too?

  6. Thanks Car in. No need, wife feeds the giant gerbils.

  7. The bronze guy is fairly disturbing. I might have daymares.

    Well done, Leon.

  8. I can’t hang w any of the workout warriors in here anymore, but I did do 30 minutes on the elliptical this morning. Feels good to have it behind me.

    I’d like to start back up on p90x this summer, but my rotator cuff has really been fucking with me lately. Either I slept on it wrong or fell and hurt it when I was blackout drunk. Not sure which.

  9. My shoulder really bugged me too for a while – I just take it easy on the things that seem to aggravate it PG. They take a while to heal up.

  10. Xbrad’s chick is definitely smuggling a knockwurst. Not a chick. That’s manbutt.

  11. That’s Christmas Abbot, folks. XBrad sent me a link to a photoshoot of her. It’s a her. Really.

    Also, Laura looks pretty good.

  12. You mean it used to be a her.

  13. I like Snow White.

  14. Laura looks pretty good.

    I used to have a bikini that color. Did not look like that in it tho.

  15. I didn’t know Lauraw could deflate the hump.

  16. The “Alert Now” system at Texas Tech called me at 5:20 this morning to let me know that classes had been canceled due to snow. Seeing as how my daughter is 21 now, I think I’ll trust her judgment on whether to get out or not. Thanks TTU. Fuck You Snow.

  17. Al Gore must be in town you guys.

  18. We’re supposed to get the snow tomorrow, looks like.


  19. Wait, no, it’ll be 38 tomorrow, so we get rain.

    Then snow.

  20. The weekend was pretty nice here in Oh HI Oh. I split some wood.

  21. Hola, Bitches.

  22. Morning children. Thanks Leon. 5 degrees here, winter sucks.

  23. Xbrad: tell Sox to be careful.. They eat cats over there.

  24. Salt mines, bitches. Laters.

  25. It is raining like a mofo in the panhandle. Supposed to get to us tomorrow evening, maybe.

  26. Oh, and if he’s so inclined, I have once sort of helped change a regime.

  27. I killed it. I really, really killed it.

  28. Killed it dead.

  29. Wut? Do tell, wet-suited one.

  30. So, what was everyone’s favorite Oscar moment?

  31. You know, maybe I’ll try and make a meat-up this year. I have a decent story or two. How are you , Pupster?

  32. Oscars? I heard the Obamas were in it. FFS.

  33. Yea. someone may meet Americano!

    watch – it’ll be Mare.

  34. My favorite Oscar moment was when he invented bologna.

  35. Obama won the Oscar for playing a president.

    Or something.

  36. As soon as her restraining order expires….

  37. My favorite Oscar moment was when I woke up this morning, and realized that it was last night and I didn’t even know it.

  38. This place is really slipping. In the last thread, nobody responded to Cyn’s compliment of Oso “I’ll put a mean bone in her body.”


  39. Actually, Carin: I think Rosetta knows my real identity, and I think I was on the phone with XBrad (and someone else) once.

  40. Not that I have an identity.

    “I am BATMAN!”

  41. Damn Oscars preempted my local college basketball coaches show.

    So Argo won. Huh. A movie that makes Hollywood a hero. Imagine that.

  42. Are those stretch marks or surgical scars on the last dude?

  43. I’m good, ‘Cano.

    I think you should host a meat up on an exotic island. Work some magic with your contacts for cut rate cabanas and bananas.

  44. Rota’s pretty nice. Not much to do but drink.

  45. We need more pictures of the redheaded dead-lifter. It would appear she has no ink, normal ab veins, and may have actually been born a girl you guys.

  46. Not much to do but drink.

    Do we get those little paper umbrellas?

  47. Pupster, I think she placed pretty well in the 2012 or 2011 crossfit games and has some obnoxiously scandi name, but it’s not coming to me when I try to remember. I’ll try to research later.

  48. Paper umbrellas, rubber fists. Whatever.

  49. Annie Thorisdottir. I dunno what sounds scandi about that, you racist sack of crap.

  50. I mean, what would you say if someone named “Daniqua Patrick” won the Daytna Fo’ty?

  51. Thorisdottir? Sounds like a dwarf from Middle Earth

  52. A little light pre-vodka-soaked tampon music:

  53. That’s her.

  54. Her name means “Thor’s daughter” FFS. I don’t know that you can get more scandi than that.

  55. Sounds like profiling to me, Leon. Racist profiling by racist racists with racist motivations to be all racist & stuff.

  56. I’m just saying if the viking raiders look like that, I’m not puttin’ up a fight.

  57. Is it just me, or are Michelle’s bangs getting TOO long?

  58. They’re starting to cover her eyes.

  59. I thought this blog would be better on my new computer. It still sucks the fat kid of a thousand first ladies.

  60. Not that I have an identity.

    “I am BATMAN!”

    Buzz off, Asiascubaboy. That gig is taken.

  61. Left, mare….right, Pups:

  62. Good morning, H2ers!~

  63. Annie Thorisdottir

    Dang. From some of those pictures, it appears even possible that she likes boys.


  64. There’s a ball joke here somewhere, but someone else can make it.

    “she”‘s got balls.

    And a dick as well

  65. I’d like to start back up on p90x this summer, but my rotator cuff has really been fucking with me lately. Either I slept on it wrong or fell and hurt it when I was blackout drunk. Not sure which.

    Yeah, I had that happen to me over Thanksgiving and I know it was from the blackout drunk. I’ll be nursing the shoulder for a while, which sucks.

  66. yannow, maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t think women are supposed to look like that bronzed… thing.

  67. Dang. From some of those pictures, it appears even possible that she likes boys.


    Yeah, but unless you have a longboat and mad skills with an ax, you’re probably not man enough for her.

  68. Damn. Apparently I killed the comments.

  69. Hauling limbs and planting a tree this weekend seems to have slightly sprained a muscle in my back.

    Not awful, it’s just reminding me it’s there, and I don’t want to plant trees for a living.

  70. ^—- topical!

  71. Not awful, it’s just reminding me it’s there, and I don’t want to plant trees for a living.

    A reminder that getting old sucks, eh?

  72. I forgot to put sunscreen on the TOP of knees. Reflective sunburn on my face from my scorecard. Spring Training isn’t just for players. Rookie mistakes.

  73. She’s Icelandic, which, I dunno, does that really count as Scandi?

  74. I dated an Icelandic girl by the name of Doris Danisdottir. She was much prettier than the ginger Hulk pictured here.


  76. I’d kill for some chocolate pudding.

  77. *nukes xbrad from orbit*

  78. *pencils a trip to Ikea Canton into to-do list*

  79. Where’s that whore mare?

  80. A horse is a horse of course of course and so is the Swedish meatball main course a horse.

  81. hmm… too many syllabobbles. I fix.

    A horse is a horse of course of course and so is the Swedish meatball main course a horse.

  82. who in the hell is eating food from Ikea???

  83. Think I’ll take the wife to Sears for a nice romantic dinner……

  84. Our Sears has a decent steakhouse inside it. And Ikea’s cafe is well-attended. The meatballs sell frozen at a good pace too, from what I’ve seen.

  85. seriously, complaining about what’s in the food at Ikea is like complaining about the sanitary conditions at a carnival food stand.

  86. IKEA actually works pretty well for lunch when you’re out hitting half a dozen stores. Of course, stop by The Container Store first, so you can take your leftovers with you.

  87. I hate to admit it, but aside from using troops as movie props, this is a pretty good picture of Michelle.

  88. Those meatballs are popular, I hear. Anyway, the story cracked me up.

    Oh hey, guess who’s husband is bicycling 20 miles home from the auto shop because he doesn’t know how to ask someone for a ride?


  89. who in the hell is eating food from Ikea???

    I would, but I can’t find my allen wrench to assemble the meal.

  90. GUESS.


    It COULDN’T be the guy who’s in the transportation business?

  91. Oh hey, guess who’s husband is bicycling 20 miles home from the auto shop because he doesn’t know how to ask someone for a ride?

    20 mile bike ride each way = some small measure of bragging.

  92. a pretty good picture of Michelle

    an oxymoron.

  93. Oh hey, guess who’s husband is bicycling 20 miles home from the auto shop because he doesn’t know how to ask someone for a ride?

    heh heh heh….

    Bet you can’t wait to hear the complaining later tonight….

    “oh, my legs… oh my back… oh my neck… I’m still cold…”

  94. whoops.

  95. this is a pretty good picture of Michelle.

    If you like tuckers. If you shopped her head out and the dress, you’re left with a man. Look at the shoulders and neck.

    And wiser, slap yourself like xbrad does looking at Mooch.

  96. That’s crazy talk.

  97. And wiser, slap yourself like xbrad does looking at Mooch.

    yes, mistress….

  98. Oh hey, guess who’s husband is bicycling 20 miles home from the auto shop because he doesn’t know how to ask someone for a ride?

    Maybe he’s wanting to get all buff for his sweetie? Is he dressed warm enough? Does he have a water bottle? Some snacks?

  99. Riding my bike 20 miles rather than asking for a ride shows character. I’d have done it.

  100. If, of course, I had a bike.

  101. yes, mistress….

    It’s about time you understood your role around here. Now assume “the position”….

  102. It’s about time you understood your role around here. Now assume “the position”….

    the safe word is “cake”

  103. There’s snow banks everywhere and no clearance. Not to mention, how the Hell did he cross the River? I don’t think there’s any bike lanes on the highway bridges.

  104. Maybe he’s wanting to get all buff for his sweetie?

    Anyone trying to ride a bike 20 miles here in New England at this time is trying to be found in April as the snow banks recede…..

  105. Maybe you should go ‘rescue’ him, Lauraw.

    Of course, Mrs. Pupster wouldn’t fall for the old ‘ride my bike home from the repair shop’ bit. It’s so cute that you think he’s not at Hooters.

  106. how the Hell did he cross the River?

    Couldn’t he just ride across? Oh wait, the CT River doesn’t freeze over, cause it is only 42% water.

  107. Welcome to the working week, everybody.

  108. I’m seriously worried.

  109. What’s a “bike”?


  111. I’m kinda in love with Jennifer Lawrence.

  112. I’m kinda in love with Jennifer Lawrence.

    heh. look at the people around her….



  115. She’s a cutie, b-rad, but I find myself distracted by the Eliot Gould/Leon Panetta hybrid sitting next to her. How long have we had this technology, and why aren’t we using it to create supersoldiers instead of schlubby old men?

  116. He’s in our town now, flat tire. When he gets home and logs back on to the blog, you should all say your goodbyes to him.

  117. He’s in our town now, flat tire.


    Just goes from bad to worse….

    man, I know how he feels…..

  118. and why aren’t we using it to create supersoldiers

    Who said it was our technology?

  119. Quick Scott! Stop by the drug store and buy some beer, cheap perfume and lipstick! Smear it on your face and shirt, tell her you went to the strip club.


  120. *takes away Pupster’s special houseslipper*

  121. Who names a houseslipper ‘Fiona?’ Really, Pups. Gross.

    She looks like more of a ‘Jennifer’ to me.

  122. He fixed the bike tire. Journey resumes.

  123. Here is what I would have tweeted if I was a twit:

    Obama modestly concedes that he does not deserve sole credit for rescuing the Iran hostages. Points to crucial role played by Michelle at the Oscars.

    If anyone wants to do it, go ahead

  124. if you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked,

    you should sniff some Windex first.

    It’ll keep you from streaking.

  125. Spent a day with a bunch of fifth graders again, Jay?

  126. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

  127. Velcro – what a rip off.

  128. Bet you were really pumped when you got that job at the gas station, huh?

  129. I’ll be here all week, try the veal, tip your waitressCar in.

  130. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

  131. Damn shame you didn’t get that job at the grocery store. Probably thought that one was in the bag, huh?

  132. re: your job at the garage, when do you plan to retire?

  133. **looks at URL**

    When did this become IB?

  134. Somehow I wound up on an email distribution list for something called the “Trust for the National Mall”. Today’s email was handwringing about reduced funds for the DC Mall, the Parks Department may have to CUT a million and a half dollars out of the National Mall budget if squestration stands.

    Well fuck me. Cops and firefighters won’t get paid, teachers will starve, TSA workers will somehow be even more slow and inept than they are now (I think this one is bullshit myself, they couldn’t be any worse). Everything, everything will turn to shit.


    we are so fucking boned.

  135. *reads upthread about Scott’s adventure*

    he’s boned too.

  136. I remember you telling me about when you quit McDonalds and went to work for Burger King.

    From what I recall, your pay increase was a whopper!

  137. I’m going to kill both of you and lay my eggs in your warm corpses.

  138. Gotta take the kid to the train station.

    I’ll get back on track when I return.

  139. Next time Scott is not allowed to ride his bike without taking a can of Fix a Flat.

  140. Bicycling in Winter, you guys.

  141. I’m going to kill both of you and lay my eggs in your warm corpses.

    Deservedly so.

  142. When is his ETA, laura? Want for me to help beat his ass?

  143. *takes away Pupster’s special houseslipper*

  144. I saw Bicycle in Winter open for Fix a Flat back in 87.

  145. I applied for a job at a watch repair shop, but they wouldn’t give me the time of day.

  146. *takes away Pupster’s special houseslipper*

  147. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

  148. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?


  150. Of course.


  152. He’s home. Thanks, Beasn, I got dis.

    *cracks knuckles*

    I told him over the phone that he was in SO MUCH TROUBLE and he laughed at me.

    Beginning to suspect he doesn’t fear me.
    It’s very concerning.

  153. I took a minor ass-eating from the MRS. last night for my pop-culture unawareness. She was watching the Oscars and told me that some fucking doucherocket had won some fucking award. I mentioned that I’d never heard of him and went back to reading my book. She told me that he starred in a moviie called Jango or some shit. I told her I’d never heard of Jango either. She kinda started implying that I ought to get out more and I told her I’d rather work for a living than go look at all that shit at the movie house. Earned me a pretty good harrumph.

  154. Dude just biked 20 miles in the CT Winter. You ain’t scary.

  155. I’m quite scary. You don’t know.

  156. Not to Scott. Bet he’s got the 1000 yard stare now. Or at least snow-blindness.

  157. 26 miles. He had to avoid riding through the ‘hood-ish part of Hartford.

  158. Beginning to suspect he doesn’t fear me.

    Squirt some hump toxin at him. That’ll teach ‘im.

  159. Pffft. He used to do 40-50 miles just for fun, when he was a smoker. The guy was made for bicycling.

    Just, not in WINTER you guys.
    Lots of non-plowed streets in Hartford, and potholes. Guess that was pretty hairy. It’s not a mountain bike.

  160. 26 miles. He had to avoid riding through the ‘hood-ish part of Hartford.

    Is that where all the kids who go to second rate private schools live?

  161. They’ll whip you with their moneybelts to within an inch of your pitiful life, peasant!

  162. I know a guy who worked one summer harvesting and baling alfalfa. He said it was difficult work.

  163. Best baseball and football workout ever, Sean!

  164. Of course.

    She is all kinds of yummy.

  165. Did you guys hear the one about the girl who trained to become a massage therapist?

    She says she likes the flexible hours and finds that helping people is extremely rewarding.

  166. They’ll whip you with their moneybelts to within an inch of your pitiful life, peasant!

    Nobody messes with Thaddeus “T-3” Worthington, III, and walks away unpunished. Then he and his homies are going slumming: gonna cruise up and down main street in their beemers and tell their drivers to pull over for shorties whose daddies make less than $200k a year.

  167. A brief conversation I just had on FB:

    Jeremy E Theobald Correct: printed money is not the result of wealth creation. Borrowed money and taxed money IS the result of wealth creation: yours or someone else’s. In a capitalist economy it is the function of a democratic (lower case “d”) to collect and redistribute that wealth.

    Arthur Barie In a capitalist economy it is the function of a democratic (lower case “d”) to collect and redistribute that wealth.

    Please tell me that was stated with a tongue firmly planted in cheek.

    Jeremy E Theobald No. Why?

    H Lucien Gauthier III Sure is Keynesian in here.

    Arthur Barie No, that’s straight up Marxist.

    H Lucien Gauthier III Well, yeah, you’re right.

    Arthur Barie Jeremy, could you show me, say, in the Constitution where it is the function of the government to redistribute wealth? I seem to have missed that article.

    Jeremy E Theobald We are social beings. In an economy dominated by one’s ability to possess wealth and engage in consumerism, political authority is directly proportionate to economic authority. Justice is the equal access to political authority and liberty is the equal exercise of the same political authority. It is the function of a democratic government to ensure these two things. It’s even written in our constitution “establish justice” and “secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves and our posterity”. By both tacit and explicit consent we give our democracy the authority to do these two things.

  168. He didn’t answer your question at all. He whacked off on the comment thread to a picture of Marx.

    I’d say you’re talking past each other, but that would imply he was trying to talk to you.

  169. In an economy dominated by one’s ability to possess wealth and engage in consumerism, political authority is directly proportionate to economic authority.

    The fact that Harry Reid got rich after going into government is a powerful, if perhaps unintentional, proof of this thesis.

  170. Holy crap, xbrad, in that picture of Michelle you like, her mouth looks like a tank. Scary.

  171. Social beings give of theirs to others of their own volition, not some other being stepping in, in the name of authority, stealing it from you and giving it to whomever they choose for some sort of payoff/power.

  172. From time eternal, humans don’t like other humans taking their shit without their permission.

  173. What is it with fat people who look hungover, and track suits?

    What is the situation.

    *orders a fifth of Cuervo, a whole fried chicken, a diet coke, and a set of black Adidas with the slimming white stripe*

  174. Your facedouche buddy is just making shit up.

  175. HA! As we speak I’m wearing black Adidas nylon warm ups with three “slimming” stripes.


  177. Holy crap, xbrad, in that picture of Michelle you like her mouth looks like a tank. Scary.

    I was thinking that normal people don’t have to strain quite so many neck muscles to smile.

  178. *but I did work out so I’m eligible to wear the “sweat” pants (in my own mind)

  179. I got stuck behind a truck for about 3 miles that was spewing black smoke .

    I was exhausted.

  180. I didn’t say it was a good picture.

    I said it was a good picture of Michelle.

  181. Russian mob = Adidas track suit.

  182. So I’m guessing that Jeremy E Theobald would be just fine with someone from the government coming to his house, taking all of his stuff, selling it, and giving the money to everyone who doesn’t have as much so that they can buy nice things too.

    Y’know, ‘cuz the government’s job is to make everything equal.

    Yeah, that’s what I thought……

  183. MJ = track onesie

  184. If I ever get well and truly tired of my career, I’m buying 5 matching track suits for M-F and wearing nothing else until the end comes.

  185. I only wear the pants, the top is usually a T-shirt that says, “shut up, please just shut up.”

  186. I remember trying to jog 50 miles on the highway once.

    Man, did I get run-down…

  187. Heeyo!

  188. I’m going to drape myself in velvet.

    Ice cream.

  189. It’s hot in Florida. I’m going to see if I can get an adidas track suit-esque thong.

  190. Man, did I get run-down…

    You will be, if the next meat-up is anywhere close enough that I drive to it….

  191. I could probably pull off wearing track suits to work, but the way my thighs rub together when I walk I’d set the place on fire.

  192. I had a job at a bucket factory, but I couldn’t handle it.

  193. I was carrying a box of old, scratched-up records to the garbage this weekend.

    I think I threw out a disc.

  194. I have the same problem with my thighs. It means my pants last maybe a year with regular wear.

  195. We’re like twins.

  196. I think I’d rather discuss economics with Jeremy than humor with Wiser.

  197. I remember when I was a kid, I fell and hit my head so hard, I couldn’t recite the alphabet properly, no matter how hard I tried.

    A, B, D, E, F… over and over again. A, B, D, E, F…..

    Seriously, it hurt so bad, I couldn’t C.

  198. Would it be correct to say that fashion for men is really fashion for gay men?

  199. I think I’d rather discuss economics with Jeremy than humor with Wiser.

    They seem to be at about the same level of intellectual sophistication.

  200. Would it be correct to say that fashion for men is really fashion for gay men?

    YES! My wife keeps pointing to clothes/outfits, and asks if I would wear “that”. I reply: “No, because I am not gay.”

  201. I was carrying a box of old, scratched-up records to the garbage this weekend.

    I KNEW IT!!!!!!

  202. I had a job at the vinegar factory, but my boss was a douche.

  203. FUCK!

    I just finished writing a long marketing paper for my company and when I went to save it, my computer told me I don’t have enough space for it.


    Well, I could probably do something about that, but i just don’t seem to have enough drive…

  204. I use to work on a milk farm, but had to quit because I was an udder failure.

  205. *goes back to the HQ for twisted humor that doesn’t make me stabby*

  206. Everyone remember to wear Cyclone Gold tonight, for the Big Monday ISU-Kansas game. Should be a loud one.

    I’ll be the obnoxious one in the upper deck.

  207. Wiser’s kind of a cunt.

  208. Wiser’s kind of a cunt.

    When Xbrad was a kid, he asked his dad for $10…..

  209. J’Ames is an upper-decker?

  210. That press conference is going to make Obama cry.

  211. I used to work for a printing company. I remember when I first started working there, I did the stupidest thing.

    I was reaching into the printing press to pull out a piece of paper that had gotten stuck and fell right into the press.

    I didn’t get hurt, but boy, was I read.

  212. We should pool our resources, donate $500k to OFA, just so we can have a quarterly meeting with O! and tell him to his face what a douchebag he is.

  213. *plans a series of hideous murders*

  214. *sends donation to lauraw to help offset costs*

  215. In all 57 states, or just a select few, lw?

  216. How much would you have to donate to OFA to take control of it?

    Serious question, you guys.

  217. *donates money to Laura’s “Murder” fund*

  218. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

  219. When I was younger, I accidentally got my leg cut off while playing with a chainsaw.

    When my father asked exactly how that happened, I must have been in shock, because I really could not remember anything about the incident whatsoever.

    Seriously, I was stumped.

  220. If I make a sizable donation to the LauraW murder fund, how much input do I get to the nominative process?

  221. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

  222. Did Lance Armstrong make it back from his adventure? I been busy.

  223. I used to work at a food processing plant until I got canned.

  224. If I make a sizable donation to the LauraW murder fund, how much input do I get to the nominative process?

    I think we’re both on the same page anyway

  225. *yes Mrs. Jay in Ames, my life insurance is paid. Why do you ask?

  226. I think we’re all on the same page.

  227. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.


  229. I once spent a summer working as a wrestler, trying to get into the pros.

    Problem was, it was costing me more money for the travel and hotels than I was earning in the matches.

    But I stuck with it, hoping to one day make it to the big time.

    Unfortunately, before that happened, I went completely broke and had to quit chasing my dream.

    Seriously, I was tapped out.

  230. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

  231. I even tried to start a new career as a combination chef/comedian, but I failed at that too.

    They told me my jokes were tasteless.

  232. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

  233. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

  234. I thought about being a doctor, but I figured out early on that it wasn’t the job for me. I never really liked looking into people’s mouths and seeing their tongues.

    It’s too depressing.

  235. Laura vs. Wiser

  236. Srsly – can we just put Jay and Wiser in a room until they work this out of their systems?

    I’m sure Laura will be more than happy to provide them with refreshing beverages (aka “Hump Juice”)

  237. ???

    *tentatively places Xbrad on The List™, pending explanation*

  238. I remember seeing an ad to become Supreme High Ruler of some little shithole country somewhere. I almost applied, but then I read further down and saw that they had a maximum weight requirement of 105lbs to get the gig.

    well, I knew there was no way I was ever gonna get down to 105lbs to get that job.

    Seriously, what was I, thin king?

  239. *tentatively places Xbrad on The List™, pending explanation*

    yeah, I’m wondering about that one myself.

  240. When chemists die, apparently they barium.

  241. horrible groaners, you guys

    explosives triggered by your truck ignitions, you guys

  242. Worked all day at the pet shelter
    Came home Dog tired

  243. Yay, another participant!

  244. Sorry, Laura. It’s hard finding a pic of a hump smushing a bug.

  245. Lots of power outages today, high winds.

  246. Worked for a septic company one summer. I was the number two guy on the truck.

  247. 10 foot drifts in Texas.

    You guys have plows?

  248. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

  249. Up in the panhandle? Maybe.

    Really, that part of Texas is like a foreign country. Their ways are mysterious to us flatlanders.

  250. Bought a case of bananas today
    Orange you glad I don’t make a fruit joke?

  251. Did you all know that Jesus Christ actually invented the airplane?

    IT’S TRUE!

    He designed it and built it, but he hired some other guy to do the test flight, who took Jesus’ plane up and immediately crashed it into a wall, totally destroying it.

    Luckily, the guy didn’t get hurt too badly in the crash, but Jesus was FURIOUS!

    And, from what I’ve read, while Jesus was generally a man of peace, the destruction of his plane pushed him too far and was enough to make him punch his pilot.

  252. Dana Perino’s face is so botoxed she can barely talk.

  253. * crosses her off the list *

  254. She is still pretty Scott

  255. I used to work at a peanut factory that was located extremely close to a bombing range.

    It wasn’t a bad job, but I eventually had to leave, as I just got really tired of being shelled.

  256. When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

  257. She is still pretty Scott

    Plus the fact that she can barely talk?


  258. I used to work on a farm, sowing grain.

    You think I liked that job?


  259. How’s Jasper doing today? Has she gotten any of Gutfeld’s inside jokes?

  260. Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

  261. Later. That’s all the pun I can take for one day…

  262. I used to have a boat.

    Whenever people came aboard, they would bring a bottle of wine for me as a thank you. Eventually, the “wine cellar” on the boat was full of all kinds of wines from all over the world.

    One weekend, I was out on my boat and I got hit by a monstrous hurricane. The boat was rocking back and forth violently. So badly, in fact, that I lost all of my fresh water overboard The only thing on-board to drink now was the wine.

    So I opened the door to the storage locker to grab a bottle just as a huge wave hit my boat, causing all of the wine bottles to smash to the floor. All except one bottle of sweet red wine that I was able to catch.

    Now, I’m not a big fan of sweet red wine, but I was desperate, as you can imagine. So I drank it.

    You know what they say… any port in a storm, amirite?

  263. The latest “Gardener’s Supply” catalog just arrived in the mail.

    For the love of God, somebody stop me…..

  264. It’s as if Bob Hope never died.


  266. Bob who?

  267. Who knew Wiser was gonna be the next victim of the banhammer?

  268. Yannow what’s funny?

    If we were all together and I were doing this in person, I can [picture you all jumping up as one and stomping me into the ground as soon as I said “I used to have a boat….”

    I am laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes here….

  269. *whimpers*

    Mommy, make the bad man stop!

  270. If anyone’s interested, I just posted my recipe for Crab Cakes at the H2 Recipe site:

    They’re quick and easy.
    Y’know, the way you reprobates like your dates to be 😛

  271. well, time for me to go now.

    I have rehearsal tonight and I wouldn’t want to miss a minuet of it.

  272. Afternoon.

    Where’s the suds?


    Heh. The sequestration is officially this year’s The Surge. It can eliminate the nonexistent. There is nothing it cannot do.

  274. The Manticore was a bigger prick than usual today. She seems to think my name is Somebody. As in:

    Somebody had better do the paperwork and get that scrapped panel out of here today.”


    Somebody needs to RTS those extra door frames the warehouse sent.

  275. Scott’s frigid bike ride reminds me of the time when I was in a kayak on Lake Michigan. I got really cold, so I lit a fire in the craft and it sank—proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

  276. Sorry about that. I’m not really good at puns. Once I entered a local paper’s pun contest, and sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

  277. Fair warning, Batman – I know where you live…..

  278. Some guy pissed off a Babylonian prince and the prince declared he would have him killed. So he took it on the lam, hiding where he could, ultimately in an abandoned ziggurat. Cold and depressed, he lit a fire. The general looking for him saw the smoke, followed it and captured him. Asked later how he was able to track the man down, the searchin general determined that smoking ziggurats is dangerous to your stealth.

  279. Band rehearsal is not so bad.

    Honestly, it could be verse.

  280. Shit, one of my guys had a wreck on the way home. Said he got out, ambulance called though.

    Gonna go check on him.

  281. At least the puns stopped.

  282. Chili today. Hot tamale.

  283. I knew a douche couldn’t resist that.

  284. What will you do if you get lonely?
    Nobody waiting by your side. . .

  285. Honestly, it could be verse.

    Don’t make me use my opera voice……

  286. It makes perfect sense.

  287. What?! No mermaid porn?

  288. I don’t understand Starbucks. It tastes like crap, yet people wait in line for it.

  289. Scott, it’s a fucking cult. Libs like to be in cults.

  290. Scott, I thoroughly enjoyed your “kittens on a slide into the pit of hell” video.

  291. At least Starbucks allows you CC in their stores.

    I like Dunkin Donuts better be we don’t have them here.

  292. Dunkin Donuts coffee is the only thing on this planet that gives me heartburn.

  293. Oh wow, Dave, I hope he’s OK. A guy I work with was in a bad car accident, he lost his left arm and leg.

    He’s all right now.

  294. Scott, I thought that was Starbucks. Huh. I haven’t had DD since we left Hawaii.

  295. We ship a lot of DD coffee to the west coast.

  296. Beat up, banged his knee on something, minor cut on his hand. They don’t think concussion.

    Any wreck you walk away from…

  297. I like Pete’s coffee. Major Dickason’s Blend.

  298. He is going to hate tomorrow.

  299. Starbuck’s blends are pretty shitty. I stopped going when they stopped serving origin coffees.

    Peet’s was my favorite. I miss Peet’s.

  300. My favorite is Green Mountain. It’s sold in most of the mobil gas stations.

  301. Oh, Dunky Donå is wretched. Only an Öst-coaster could like that crap.

    Let’s end this comment on a positive note: Magic Johnson is HIV positive.

  302. Dave – He is going be hurting.

  303. I like Quick Trip. We have a new one that is like going into an amusement park, banks of slushies, banks of iced teas, banks of coffees, hot food, cold food, it’s a dream world.

  304. He’s all right now.

    **rolls up newspaper**

    C’mere, Pups.

  305. Oops, I misspelled Peet’s. Thank you, Jewstin.

  306. Yep, he is, although for some reason the 2nd day after feels worse than the 1st. Maybe adrenaline, endorphines gone by then.

    Anyway, he’s a young buck. He’ll be fine.

    Also Green Mountain is a terrific coffee program, very popular with retail c-store chains. The 7-Eleven stuff is pretty good too.

  307. Scott, did you know that Green Mountain will donate coffee & cups to any church that asks? I kinda think they’re alright guys. Also excellent coffee.

  308. I think Dana Perino is still looking fine. Did you know she has a partial dental plate? I didn’t either until it came out during a conversation.

  309. I like Maxwell House. I’m a man of simple taste.

  310. Mare:

    QT? Dang, Belton, MO we never knew ye.

  311. *steps on Pupster’s tail*

    Oh, sorry, little fella.

  312. Good to know Stark, I have always assumed they were smelly hippies.

  313. Most churches are non-profits, so it’s a charitable donation. Most churchgoers are the sort to buy products when they hear that the company supports church-going, and you’re guaranteed the congregation will taste it at least once a week and maybe buy it for home.

    That’s just a good business strategy all around.

  314. Mare I was playing on the Dunkin Donuts store locator the other night.
    There are 17 of them within 3 miles of my house, and 49 within 5 miles.

  315. Scott lives in a police state?

  316. These fucking puns need to hit the wall. I’m already so over it.

  317. I thought so too, Scott. Turns out they’re not as Vermont as I thought.

    & yeah, I agree, Leon, but from asking around I think they’d do it regarless of tax status.

  318. I like plantation coffee from a single source. My current favorite is Tanzanian Peaberry.

  319. Antarctican tacoberry. Roasted in a salmon corpse.

  320. Yeah, my sis & BIL got me some Tanzanian peaberry a few years ago (2007, I think). Good stuff, but roasting it myself was a PITA.

  321. “the 2nd day after feels worse”

    I think that depends on age. The last time I drove a car into a tree I was 18 and the next day was the worst. Now it takes a couple days for some stuff to hurt.

  322. They all like, “You a pretentious faggot, right? You’ll like this shit then.”

  323. Vmax knows good coffee. My favorite is Mocha Sanani.

  324. & yeah, I agree, Leon, but from asking around I think they’d do it regarless of tax status.

    Hey, I’m okay with it. It’s exactly the sort of behavior the charitable donation deduction is supposed to produce, even if they aren’t doing it for that reason.

  325. Somethin’ like 1% of Vermonters go to a church. Lowest rate in the nation. 2nd? New Hamster. Lotta work to be done up here.

  326. “Scott lives in a police state?”

    HAHAHA…Good one, douche.

  327. VT majors in child molestation and nudity.

  328. But gun rights are pretty good there. (VT I mean)

  329. Connecticutians, Connecticutters.. whatever you are, need their donuts.

    This kid is mid 30s. I shall collect pain and time data and report back. When my eldest kid had her wreck two summers ago (she was 24), she kept telling me she was fine the next day.

    Then the day after that she called me in pain and tears. So I ran down to Austin twice that week in a dad panic.

    I think after a day she got a little freaked out about the ouches. Took care of it.

  330. We have a bunch of hoity toity tastes here. If I was to make coffee after dinner would you dicks complain if it wasn’t from some lesbian grower in Kenya?

    MCPO was the only non douche in the coffee isle.

  331. Heh Barney Rubble

  332. We have a bunch of hoity toity tastes here. If I was to make coffee after dinner would you dicks complain if it wasn’t from some lesbian grower in Kenya?

    Haha. I’m pretty cool with everything except Folgers. Ugh.

  333. Thank you, Mare.

  334. I would drink Mares 8 oclock coffee with pleasure, as well as MCPO’s Mawell house.

    But If I am buying it for me Java grown Sumatra grown I love Kona and Jamaican Blue as well. Not that I buy any Kona or Jamaica.

  335. I’m with MCPO. Grocery store ground, near-generic Eight O’Clock coffee is awesome too.

    They blindfolded a bunch of pretentious New York douchenozzles a few years back and beat them with rubber mallets and made them take part in a coffee taste test, and most of them unwittingly preferred Eight O’Clock coffee to their bullshit burned up fancy catshit brands.

    I laughed until my hump jiggled and knocked stuff off the bookshelf.

  336. Mare you should do some research and find out how much you can get for a pound of DD coffee.

    We can be your supplier.

  337. It is time for me to admit it. I have an addiction.

    Every day after coming home from work, I go to the latest H2 thread and search and click on all the GIFs Pupster has posted.

    Today’s haul was uninteresting. No furry creatures whatsoever. I am having withdrawal symptoms.

  338. Lauraw, I think I’ve linked an article here before that says the same thing about wines. There are some bad ones, but really you can get good “inexpensive” wines that compare well with expensive ones.

    And the fun part was the “wine snob experts” were the first to be fooled.

  339. HEB (TX-based grocery chain) has a private label brand called Cafe Ole,I have no idea who supplies it, but it’s cheap and very good.

    The secret to good coffee is it’s hot and it’s in my coffee cup.

  340. Well, I don’t want to bear the scorn of the coffee people here, but I buy the Starbucks under the Kirkland (Costco) brand medium roast. I bought it today for 2 pounds for $10.99. Not cheap, but not too bad. One of the cheapest ones they had.

    Both my husband and I like it. But I will drink anything. My husband likes strong coffee if available.

  341. I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and, uh, lightly roasted

  342. We drink so much coffee here at Casa Jimbro we just go with Maxwell House bought at Sam’s Club. When I was a resident and only had time to make coffee at home on the weekends I’d grind beans from Green Mountain. Roamy was my not-so-secret-Santa and got me some coffee from monks that was PFG.

  343. But I will drink anything.

  344. This reminds me, I need to add a couple more big things of coffee to The Hoard.

  345. Here is the fun thing about snobs:

    If you go for something cheaper that what the snob likes, you are an uncouth simpleton who has no appreciation for finer things in life.

    If you go for something more expensive than what the snob likes, you are an idiot who has more money than sense and just likes to throw money around.

    If you like other things in the same price range as the snob, you have no taste whatsoever.

    If you like exactly the same stuff the snob wants, you are a mere copycat who must be shunned.

    In short, there is no getting around the snob’s ‘assholier than thou’ attitude.

    I just pour the wine on their shirt and walk away.

  346. Did anybody just talk anybody else’s fucking ear off today?

  347. “2 pounds for $10.99. Not cheap”

    It is here.

  348. I agree with Scott that is darn cheap. I can barely find 12oz for under $10. 8 O’clock not fee fee coffee.

  349. I like my coffee like I like my women–in a burlap sack, slung over the back of a burro.

  350. “Did anybody just talk anybody else’s fucking ear off today?”

    Lunch, a couple of days ago.

  351. You had me at “They blindfolded a bunch of pretentious New York douchenozzles a few years back and beat them with rubber mallets

  352. I like my coffee like I like my women, hot, perky and affectionate, without daddy issues.

  353. I like Slut Coffee.

  354. I like my coffee like I like my women–purchased at a fair price directly from a small family farm in the third world.

  355. I don’t like coffee. Hate the smell of coffee. Guess what? I don’t drink coffee. If I had the all powerful D after my name, none of you people could buy or drink coffee either. I am thinking of adding the D to my name. It goes well with my newly adopted LiV status.

  356. I’m like Dave, but not picky about daddy issues.

  357. I like my coffee like I like my women.


  358. LiV? Oso has aids?

    If she drank coffee she could have avoided that.

  359. Up until 5 years ago I could count hte number of cups of coffee I had drank in my life on one hand. Then……..I decided to go a full calendar year without drinking any cokes. And I mean cokes in the Texan sense of the word in that it applies to all carbonated soft drinks. Next thing ya know, I’m drinking coffee to stay awake on the road. Next thing ya know after that, I kinda like the shit. Now I’m back on cokes and still drinking coffee. Gateway drug.

  360. I like my coffee like I like my women–weak and free for the taking in the waiting room while I get new tires.

  361. I like my coffee like I like my women, with a rufie in hers and not mine.

  362. I like my coffee like I like my women, with a sweet muffin

  363. I like my coffee like I like my women. As long as it’s not so old that there’s mold floating on the top, I’m game.

  364. 5 Hour Energy.

  365. I like coffee, and women, and women that like coffee.

  366. SeanM needs to write a book on chicks. I’m pretty sure he’s an expert.

  367. It tastes better if you gt the whole bean, then grind it at home.

    Women, not coffee.

  368. Friend of mine tried to sell me on his new “energy drink” business.

    24 grams of carbs.

    I live on Tabasco Slim Jims brother. You can keep those energy carbs, thank you very hello.



  370. I’ve decided to become a Low info Voter. They seem to be under no stress and they are entitled to everything. I may start watching TV, starting with Honey BooBoo and Jimmy Fallon.

  371. Dave is going to leave a spicy, yet flavorful corpse.

  372. with eggs planted in it, I heard

  373. *subscribes to Oso’s newsletter, sits down next to her on couch*

    Cheesy Puffs, m’dear?

  374. I made this week’s curry pretty spicy and flavorful. I drank it with iced coffee.

  375. Damn, MJ, you crossed the line.

  376. This line?

  377. —————————————————-

  378. It was looking at me funny.

  379. Tifw, I prefer the crunchy cheetos with my LiV status. Goes well with box wine.

  380. I can do that, Crazy Bear – do Cheetos go better with red wine or white wine?

  381. Slim Jims and dark chocolate. I can survive on those two items.

  382. Wow there are some trees down around here.

  383. Red gives me migraines. White. Even my wine is rayciss!!!

  384. Hello from Houston!


    Tomorrow is egress training. They teach me how to open an airplane door and a window.

    Sadly, I have neglected to study :(.

  385. No kidding dave, it’s windy as hell down here.

  386. Howdy Phat!! I think that the Houston Rodeo started today.

  387. Well, that would explain all of the rednecks, Oh wait, it’s always like that down here?

    Just joking, I AM from the Republic.

  388. Story of my life. . .

  389. I once advised a budding helicopter pilot never to turn off the ceiling fan no matter how cold it gets. I don’t think he appreciated the advice.

  390. I did not hear about my job today. I was hoping I would have. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

    I did get a email for a job I applied for in Missoula Montana saying I was being considered.

    Charlotte is my first choice but Missoula is a close second. Nestled in a valley in the Rockies.

  391. Phat,
    What are you going to be flying?

    The Tacoma, WA paper actually had a story and photo of the French troops and equipment being off-loaded in Mali. Aircrews and C-17s from 62nd MAW from McChord.

  392. I saw a pair of Ospreys landing the other day. I have never seen Ospreys in flight. They were transitioning from horizontal to vertical while I watched.

  393. teh fuckin wind has finally settled down into 15mph,

    Sheesh. What a day. I hauled a few dead limbs outta my back yard that must be cuts before they will take it away.

  394. We have had a south wind for 4 days. Tomorrow it will cool down in the afternoon.

  395. ChrisP,

    Going back to the 737. My third full 737 course in the last 6 years. United in 2007, AF in 2009, and now United again,

    Obviously, I am not studying.

  396. I H8 wind. In NM, we don’t really have “real weather” so wind gives us something to complain about.

  397. Phat, before TFG economy, we would use United Vacations when we traveled. It hasn’t even been Southwest lately. $3.83 for gas in Vegas. We were here last March for basketball. Even fewer specials this year. More dark nights for restaurants and shows. We were laughing because the casinos had their moving walkways turned off this evening.

  398. Phat I flew your competition untied. I flew every freaking plane they have from MD 88 to 737, 757, and Airbus 330

  399. We finally reached the avg temp today! First time in a month. The last three winters have been remarkably cold. How anyone can believe in AGW is beyond my kin!

  400. I’m going back on military leave as soon as I finish training. I want to wait and see how bad the seniority integration between the United and Continental pilots screws me before I commit to this thing long term.

    Plus, they’ve furloughed me twice in the last 10 yrs. I have no compunctions against using them like Sen Menendez uses a 16 yr old Dominican prostitute. *allegedly*

  401. Vmax,

    Do you mean usair?

    I’ve been a United pilot, off and on, since 2000.

  402. Gas was $4.099 Saturday. At Costco, which is usually a quarter cheaper than everywhere else.

    And Continental can suck the shit outta my oldest pair of shorts.

  403. OK cool kids, I’ve got to hit the rack before the 0600 bus.

    Have a good night!

  404. Phat it was all Delta sorry I have had a few drinks. Delta from Tampa to Hotlanta to Charlotte. I missed flights and still made it in time!!!!

  405. MCPO, it was in the 70s in PHX today. 52 in Vegas right now. Getting ready to go out for dinner and I’m wearing sandals, shorts, and a Yuengling tee.

  406. Full Moon Today.

    That explains so very very much.

  407. Cyn, have you mostly recovered from doing thing to with Oso?

  408. Heh – mostly.

  409. That CrazyBearGirl was wearing sandals when we met. And I would swear it was about minus five degrees sitting outside!

  410. I has a new Avatard

  411. The likeness is almost eerie, Tush.

  412. *waves to Cyn* Dan went to the TK in Tempe while we were in Peoria. He got a “Guy waitress in a kilt” I laughed and laughed. (He refused to call him a waiter. Swears that Bone Daddys and Twin Peaks are superior breastaurants)

  413. I wear sandals year round unless I’m at work. I H8 socks. And shoes. Mostly socks. Mostly.

  414. Actually, I kinda miss Apu.

  415. *waves back to Oso*

    Did you see the ginger in the kilt at our place? Rawr.

  416. GNU POOT

  417. Phat,
    Friend of mine is a long-time UAL pilot. Ex-Navy. After the 737 “Un-commanded Rudder Hard-Over” episodes, they started doing this exercise in the SIM.
    He was an instructor in BFM in the Navy. The pulled this on him in the SIM, to see if he would “fight the roll”, to the exclusion of all else and, thereby crash & die.
    He did not. He let it roll inverted, while running the trim and climbed-out inverted. Then roll upright and WIN!!!

    The instructors were impressed, but NOT pleased.

    I’ve flown with Lance, and he is a smooth operator. I’ve never landed with him, as I jumped-out, half-way through the flight.

    The guy is really good. He, and his BiL, were flying the Pilatus-Porter for the Drop-Zone. The bulkhead that held the horizontal-trim jack-screw ripped out, H-stab leading-edge flipped up, they did half outside-loop. They should have jumped, but between the two of them, they managed to yard-back on the stick enough to get it stable enough to land.
    I replaced the bulkhead and fixed the problem.

    Almost lost a really-cool airplane…

  418. Morning.

  419. I enjoyed the, “I like my coffee like I like my women…” last night.

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