Plum Tree Planted

Time for flowers.

Texas doesn’t have a long growing season.  It has two short ones.  Gotta get moving.

Also, faggots who don’t like horticulture, fuck you very hello.

IMG_0833 (330x440)

IMG_0835 (330x440)


  1. Box wine is actually alright (drunking some right now).

  2. You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. –Dorthy Parker (I think?)

  3. I ❤ horticulture.

    I (.y.) horticulture

    I <;:;:;:;:|) horticulture.

  4. Oh.

    Very lovely, Dave.

  5. I’m tryin to mix stuff up Humpy. I haz no skillz.

  6. Purdy, Dave! Where’s the Plum Tree pic? You can’t have a Plum Tree Poat without a Plum Tree Photo.

  7. Oh OKAY.. wait one

  8. Wait?! Harumph.

  9. harumphX2

  10. Plums…you can make good booze with those

  11. Very nice, Dave, but those funny looking Christmas trees need some decorations.

  12. Plums…you can make good booze with those


  13. I hate shopping with Dave.

  14. Mmmmmm, plum wine.

  15. IT’S FRUITLESS sonofa..ok OK

  16. Found a pic of your tree already on the internet, Dave. It’s nice.

    *hangs pic on fridge*

  17. Plum-wood grilled salmon is one of the most delightful things ever.

  18. Izzit one o’ them Red Plum trees? Pretty foliage (for a month or two, then it turns green), but no fruit –

  19. Found a pic of your tree already on the internet, Dave. It’s nice.
    *hangs pic on fridge*

    Nailed it.

  20. Dave’s tree is probably a tranny. It’ll start bearing fruit when he least expects it.

  21. Nailed it.

    HA! It’s just about perfect.

  22. as always, I listen to the chicks and ignore boys

  23. Looks like your weather is just right for planting. Will it eventually bear fruit or is it just ornamental?

  24. 24 comments in & we’re still on the topic of plum trees? WTF is this? AOSHQ?

  25. ornamental

  26. Ornaments for the crap tree.

  27. Hang a single ornament from it & put it on Schroeder’s piano.

  28. That would be cute.

  29. Speaking of hoarding and doomsday, do any of you psychos know a good place to buy silver or gold?

  30. Same place you buy those acai berry suppositories.

  31. Putting berries in your butt strikes me as just a li’l bit… well… creepy.

  32. Pepe,
    You can hide it in a magazine!


    “Near-exact replica of its real counterpart.”

    English: it tough but you can it.

  34. And you’ll be ready in case of the highly-unlikely werewolf apocalypse.


    Oh. Right. RIP Plum Tree.

  36. Just heard from Oso and they made it into town. So, in about two hours… look out Phoenix – here we come!

  37. Good afternoon ladies,

    Made it back to Illinois after week in Houston. Managed to avoid getting shot so far.

    Home until Monday then back for another week of training.

  38. In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used to smother the navigator.

  39. Ha,

    I’m currently plowing through CBT’s with the volume off.

    It sucks that the airline doesn’t give us time in class to get them done, but instead expects to do them in our off time.

    I’ll click through them, but refuse to learn anything. TAKE THAT UNITED!

  40. OK, avatard fixed, I think.

  41. I just read a book on surviving the collapse. I will no longer snicker when Mare talks about knife classes.

  42. Scott,

    The Phat’s are now very heavily armed. Probably won’t matter when the savage hordes break out of St. Louis and head east, but I can take a BUNCH with me.

  43. As I learned in the survival simulator Resident Evil 2, a knife never needs reloading.

  44. I have a badass tomahawk for when the gun jams.

  45. Just ordered a scope mount for my Mosin 91/30. If anyone has a mosin let me know and I’ll post the link.

  46. Damn CBT is now asking questions.


  47. We are arming. Hopefully the pistol permits come through before it’s too late.

  48. I just got a Bersa .380 for CCW. It’s an awesome handling weapon.

    Small enough to conceal and just right for teaching the kids.

  49. Warning: momma bragging. Mini-me won a gold and a bronze, team won the regionals. (I love it when our little school beats out the snooty private school that costs 3X as much.) Rocketboy won a gold and a silver, team placed 2nd to our big rivals. Both will be going to the state competition next month. The science teacher has seen her shadow, six more weeks of Science Olympiad.

  50. I love my Thunder .380. Mrs. Pupster and Boy 2 like to shoot it, but they both have trouble racking the slide.

  51. Scott, I was reading a prepper book today, too, and I have teh shopping list. Things like extra materials for cleaning firearms, matches, duct tape, a crank radio, another manual can opener.

  52. Congrats Roamie!

    Youngest Phatspawn is on the scholar bowl team. Love going to the matches.

  53. Awesome, Romafritata. Congrats to your kids.

  54. Grats to the Olympians.

  55. Chardonnay. It’s science.

  56. Check out the big brain on mini-roamie!

  57. Comment by scott on February 23, 2013 6:27 pm
    I just read a book on surviving the collapse. I will no longer snicker when Mare talks about knife classes.
    Always good to carry a knife. I thought it was funny that Mare was saying WTF when I asked about tourniquets/coagulants. She’s taking all the self defense classes, and you would think they’d address how to stop bleeding if you get cut or shot in a fight.

  58. Hell, Pepe, just if you get injured out on the ranch, you’ll want to know some good first aid.

  59. Pinot. It’s drunkience.

  60. Superglue.

  61. DAMMIT!
    The current CBT is mildly interesting and I find myself paying attention. Time to post on H2.

  62. Superglue is great for small cuts, but if it won’t stop bleeding, the glue just washes out. I’m 32 miles from a hospital. Not too bad, because there is one stop sign, and hardly any traffic between my house and the emergency room.

    I need to take a TCCC course, or talk to a good EMT. I don’t know about a tension pneumothorax, or opening an airway, but stopping blood spurting out of an arm or leg seems do-able (and important!).

  63. * refuses to google cbt *

  64. I kick ass with butterfly bandages. If you don’t care about scarring they are almost as good as stitches.

  65. The first week in Houston kinda sucked. Hotel is nice, but in an area near the airport called Greenpoint.

    Referred to as ‘Gunspoint’ by the locals because of the four shootings there this year. No nearby food places, so we’re kinda trapped in the hotel when we’re not at the training center.

  66. (computer based training)

  67. (connecticut bank and trust)

  68. (Cognitive behavioral therapy)

  69. Scott,

    Don’t be afeared. It’s Computer Based Training.

  70. (cunningly beautiful tranny)

  71. I am done looking those things up. From now on any group of letters means…lazy.


  72. I’m often tempted to add some meaningless jumbled letters to a poat, just to make people look them up.

  73. How long is that drive Pepe? 32 miles in mountains can be an hour.

  74. I can walk to two good hospitals in an hour.
    7-8 minutes by car.

  75. My best knife is a Muela Bowie with Rosewood handle, made with molybdenum Toledo steel. I can shave with it. Originally acquired by me as a hunting knife. I bought it in Toledo.


    Pic here.

  76. I mighta gotten tired and falled asleeps on the couch.

  77. OK, taking a break from doing training off the clock.

    Mrs. Phat is bringing home takeout from Fazzi’s (greek).

    Not a lot of Spanikopita in Houston.

  78. That will put you in jail here.

  79. three pots and and a tree.

    shit, there’s dirt under my fingernails…. wtf?

  80. Well, I’m sure there are many wonderful Greek places in Houston, I am trapped at the Hyatt.

  81. GOML!
    Go outside man lesbian?

  82. The road goes around the mountain, it’s nice and flat. I think we could make it in 20 minutes if we were in a hurry.

    When Penelope was pregnant, her friend was all worried because we were so far away from the hospital. She lived in Denver, and we had her check how long it took her to get to the hospital. She got caught in traffic and it took her an hour and 15 minutes! 😉

  83. That will put you in jail here.

    True, Scott, but it might impress others —

    Michael: *brandishes Bowie knife*
    Die, you motherfucking zombie!

    Zombie: Dude, that’s a cool knife. I’ll swap you for 8 cans of Spam and a case of Gatorade.

    Michael: Throw in that Snickers you’re holding, and we have a deal.

  84. CONGRATS to the Rocket Kids. The apple fell 3cm from the tree.

  85. I really should sharpen the machete. It’s in the garage somewhere.

  86. pepe:

    Also a local coin shop for buying junk silver coins. I stop by every week or two and buy a small amount.

  87. How fast was the apple going when it fell three cm?

  88. Thanks Jimbro.

  89. *dressing my wounds*

  90. Grunt goes to his first job interview after ets’ing.

    Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness?

    Grunt: Honesty

    Interviewer: I don’t think honesty is a weakness.

    Grunt: I don't give a fuck what you think!

  91. My God! It’s full of stars!

  92. Kilt with a single comment I AM good!!

  93. Old 80286 chips have a few milligrams of gold in them.

  94. Even Clint Eastwood has gold fever!

  95. Clint Eastwood?

  96. Did anybody take anybody else’s clothes out of the dryer and just dump them on the laundromat floor today?

  97. Cops and donuts? Check
    Muscle cars? Check
    Bruce Willis? Check

  98. How’d the meatup go, Sean? Did PJM showup?

  99. goddamn dirt *scrubs*

  100. DaveinGarden

  101. Peej did indeed show up, Puppeh. We had lunch, and then she had to hit the road because (and I’m not kidding) Galaverline called and wanted her to make cinnamon toast.

  102. Bitch didn’t make me an cinna-mom toast.

  103. SeanM,

    I pulled a load out of the dryer yesterday afternoon and put it on the bed to hang or fold. It came bed time and the shit was still there so I threw it on the floor in the corner with all the dirty clothes and went to bed. No way I can tell what’s clean and what’s dirty, so I’ll washed it all again and it’s piled on my bed waiting for hanging or folding right now. Vegas puts the odds at 8:3 that I’ll throw that shit in the corner again tonight so I can get some sleep. And so it goes.

  104. xb, does your real name start with G? Allright then, pipe down.

  105. If it gets me cinna-mom toast, yeah, it does.

  106. Get me another beers while you’re at it.

  107. I just got told what the rehearsal dinner is going to cost me. Sweet Jebus! Do these people have any idea what moderation means?

  108. Moderation is for fags.

  109. True dat.

  110. Yeah, we’ll this ain’t his first rodeo either. FFS, I could finish their basement for what this “informal beach” wedding is going to cost.

  111. I did two loads of dark and one of white. The only dirty clothes in this house are the ones we have on!
    I also cleaned two bathrooms and made dinner.
    Washed the dishes, too.
    Anita came home from cleaning/painting at the rental and I told her; “The sock fairy came today!”
    (You NEVER want unroll her cuffs inside the house!)

  112. Chief,
    I thought HER family was supposed to stake this shindig?
    Why are you on the hook?

  113. I stopped separating whites years ago. Only whites I own are undergarments anyhow.

  114. *still scrubbin my fingernails*

  115. Now’s a good time to point out the tax advantages of living in sin.

  116. Leon,
    I once knew a guy who stopped separating whites.
    We called him “Pinky”.

  117. Use your pocket knife Dave

  118. back from worky worky.

  119. Did ya make any money money?

  120. It was a busy night. Yep.

  121. Great. It was a long day tell hubs you need a foot rub.

  122. Made up for the HORRIBLE night that was last night.

    I think I could stop working Friday nights and be ok. They suck. I don’t know what is wrong with people on friday nights, but they just don’t work for me.

  123. Everyone was asleep except two of my kids. Oldest and 4th.

    I know who loves me.

  124. Last night, I worked 4 until … I dunno, 10 or so … and only sold $399 in food.

    Today – 11:30 – 10:15-ish … I sold $1400. So four house more, and $1000 more in sales.

    I think I sold $400 during the day (I ran a report)and $1000 tonight.

  125. hours. House. whatever. I’m not fixing that.

  126. The F’ing rehearsal dinner is my responsibility, along with some other things. They want the dinner at the Ritz-Carlton Bistro – beach side. 18 people @ a minimum of $60 per person, then addin the gratuity!

  127. Uhm … they have a baby, Chief. Doesn’t that diminish you of some of that responsibility?

    Plus … second marriage.

  128. A buddy is visiting from NJ tomorrow.I have not seen him in 3 years..He called and said he was in Orlando and because he was so close would be dropping by.
    I was thinking about pestering him for a job. If I don’t get the one in Charlotte who knows I might be Tushard neighbor to the south.

  129. Just me, but if my kids decide to start the family before the wedding … I’m going to feel a very LIMITED liability for the festivities.

    Like none.

    I’m a bitch, but if they have kids first, they’re getting married in the yard, and I’ll buy the booze or something like that.

    Again. I’m a bitch.

  130. All options open, V-man is the best policy. I’ll say some more prayers for you tonight.

  131. How does PA have beaches?

  132. I got married (sorta) the old fashioned way, and I let the inlaws pick where they wanted the rehearsal dinner. We made ( a very moderate) suggestion, and they loved the place.

  133. How does PA have beaches?


    I dunno.

    I assume it’s not in PA?

  134. From earlier, and then I’m off to bed since everyone is sleeping or something:

    What idiot bartender would think someone wanted Kahlua shots?

    In fairness, some of those Yankees have never heard a Texas accent 😛

    If anyone ordered “Kahula shots” from me, I would assume I misheard him. I mean, it’s not something people drink as shots. You have it in your coffee. That’s pretty much about it. In shots,it’s mixed with other things occasionally, like with a B52, or something.

    But it’s “Just Not Done.”

    Anything that’s not done, you need to verify to make sure someone isn’t fucking up along the way.

  135. Ok, I’m off to bed.

    see you at wakey wakey time.

  136. Well PA has lake Erie and a few rivers. I guess Monongahela and Allegheny rivers might have a beach or 2 somewhere along them.
    While I am being generous I guess smaller lakes can have beaches as well.
    However in my opinion Salt Water is required. I must be a bigot or something to be so narrow minded.

  137. Sweet Dreams Car in.
    I am about to call it a night as well.

  138. I am sorry to have missed the lunch.

    Me before second marriage: Will your feelings be hurt if we don’t invite anybody? We’re just going to do it here in Vegas at the clerk’s office.

    Mom, sounding relieved: oh no honey!

    Really, the absolute relief in her voice!

  139. Hi Lips
    By Lips
    Oh are you feeling better? I hope you are well.

  140. Wedding is at La Playa resort in Naples, FL.

  141. Lips – No kidding! Herself and I got married in front of the JofP in her office.

  142. Thanks Vman, feeling a little better tonight. Had a nap like Dave.

  143. Chief, when is the wedding?

  144. May 3rd.

  145. MCPO, you should get one of those instant ordinations, and just marry them when you visit in 3 weeks.

  146. Yes, wear an old Brit style uniform and have a riding crop that you periodically slap against your boot.

  147. Neither Cyn nor Oso has resurfaced since their meetup time.

    Who kidnapped whom?

  148. Mutual. They eloped!

    How’s xmom?

  149. She’s pretty miserable today, but no real change. We went out for haircuts today, and that pretty much wiped her out. But she’s happy with the cut.

  150. Poor thing, I hope they find out what’s wrong and fix it.

    Let me know next time you’re in town – hope not to have to take to my bed and miss it that time.

  151. We’ll just show up on your doorstep.

  152. Ok, that will work too. We’ll order pizza or Chinese.

  153. Going in, off line for awhile.

  154. G’nite.

  155. “The navy uses liquid soap because it takes longer to pick up”

  156. Cyn is as nice and funny in RL as she is here. You guys already knew that.

  157. Tell me there was lingerie and a pillow fight involved.

  158. I could tell you that. It wouldn’t be true, but I could tell you that.

  159. Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac
    Yeah, the boy’s a time derp

  160. Best girl-on-girl mini-meat evah.

  161. Thanks for the foto, Sean; I’ll get that thown up into a mini-weekend page tomorrow along with the one or so of Oso and me.

  162. I almost brought pillows…

  163. Will there be any pics?

  164. Pillows would’ve probably freaked our kilted waitress out a wee bit.

  165. Serial? I think she’d have joined in with us, Oso.

    She was stunning too.


  166. Will there be any pics?

    Some… but not the best ones.

  167. Sleepy time after fun is hard, but must be done. G’night cool kids!

  168. Except for being a SF Giants fan, she was adorable. Great skin too!

  169. G’night!

  170. Except for being a SF Giants fan, she was adorable.

    It was a dude.

  171. Sean, Andy, and I had a less than wholly satisfactory experience at my local TK.

    Turns out, there was a UFC that night, and they wanted to charge us $10 cover…. after we’d been in there, and ordered dinner.


  173. Cyn meets Osoloco, shortened for gif version:

  174. Unclear on the concept.

  175. Minimare meant to do that.

  176. Morning.

  177. Jewstin is here! HI JEWSTIN!

  178. GAH! PUPPIES!

    *Hurls acorns

  179. wakey wakey

  180. Monday’s going to be rough.

  181. So, it’s been two weeks since I applied for a job. Would it be stupid/inappropriate to send a “still interested” email? I have heard nothing.

  182. Morning children.

  183. Cyn meets Osoloco, shortened for gif version:

    !!!! cute.

  184. So, it’s been two weeks since I applied for a job. Would it be stupid/inappropriate to send a “still interested” email? I have heard nothing.

    Are they the sort to get distracted? I dunno.

  185. Leon, it’s perfectly acceptable to call or e-mail and ask about your application.

    If you don’t get an answer from the office, you’ll have to follow the boss home and pound on his window in the dead of night. Employers like that kind of initiative.

  186. Leon should totally stalk them. Jewstin’s right.

    But it’s really no skin to call /email. I’d call. Emails are easily ignored/overlooked.

    As in – I’ll get back to that – kinda thing.

  187. Send them a pizza with a piece missing, and include a note stating that you are the missing piece.

    That isn’t creepy at all. If you don’t hear back from them start slashing tires.

  188. I will email tomorrow, if that’s ignored, it means I’m pestering and should let it go.

  189. Yes Leon every 2 weeks is acceptable, and at times email goes awry. Remember to sell in your email do not despair.

    Says the unemployed guy with lots of practice at unsuccessfully applying for jobs.

  190. We have a proper storm here. I went outside for a bit and came back with ice in my beard.

  191. Clear skies here, temps to go above freezing in the afternoon.

  192. Pepe, you’re mixed up, I never said WTF about first aid stuff. It made perfect sense to me.

    Scott, I have an occasional iffy hip, self defense regardless of the apocalypse will require being smarter, not stronger.

  193. I like MJ’s advice.

    Hokay, family day. Off to MIL’s for morning brunch, and then it’s Sister time. We’re going to buy some plants to decorate my hump.

    See you knife-wielding maniacs later.

  194. Don’t cut nobody.

  195. Mare, I’m often mixed-up. Good self defense is usually about being smarter. Best to avoid situations if at all possible.

  196. well, obviously I’m not going to be missing too much while I’m off taking people food today.

  197. I have more flowers to plant

  198. Cyn would have been much prouder of today’s breakfast:

    2 chicken thighs pan-fried in coconut oil and chili powder
    14 eggs
    4 oz of cheddar
    half a jar of hot salsa

  199. Morning, all!

    Yesterday afternoon I took a bath, laid down on the bed…..
    …..woke up this morning.

    Must’ve been tireder than I thought 😛

  200. I haven’t done a long sleep like that since childhood.

  201. TiFW did you piss the bed? Since the time I turned about 45 or so, I can’t sleep more than four hours without a trip to the pisser.

    But then again, your prostate is probably in bettetr shape than mine.

  202. Good morning, people of the bookie.

  203. New Poat.

  204. Hostage Family Theater (for Car in only)

    Scene: Mr. and Mrs. Pendejo have taken Mr. Pendejo’s elderly father and mother out to eat Saturday lunch at Cracker Barrell (the stated choice of the elderly couple). All four diners have been served drinks and have had access to their menus for about 10 minutes.

    Lights, Camera, Action!!!

    Waiter: Are we ready to order?

    Pendejo: I’ll have that 10 oz Rib Eye.

    Waiter: How would you like that cooked?

    Pendejo: Medium Rare

    Waiter: And for your three sides?

    Pendejo; (Taking one last gaze at menu) Green beans, corn, and okra.

    Waiter: And you ma’am?

    Mrs. Pendejo: The Salmon Croquet with mashed potatoes, the vegatable medley, and stewed apples.

    (Obviously Mrs. Pendejo has gone to school off of me and is prepared to list her three sides without being prompted.)

    Waiter: And you sir?

    Pendejo’s father: Give me that roast beef.

    Waiter: And your three sides?

    Pdad: I’m sorry.

    Pendejo: You get three vegatables with it, dad.

    Pdad: (goes into thousand yard stare mode while he thinks) (time elapsed – 10 seconds)

    Pendejo: Here dad, look at what they’ve got to offer. (points to list of about 20 side dishes on menu)

    Pdad: (stares at menu for a full 45 seconds)

    Pendejo: Dad, this old boy needs to make a living and he can’t do it standing here all day. You like almost all of this stuff.

    Pdad: I know, I know. (15 more seconds elapses) I’ll take the apple slices…..

    Pmom: Burl, we have apple slices in the fridge. Get something else.

    Pendejo: (Considers the pros and cons of telling his mom to shut the fuck up and mind her own business……decides to stay out of it)

    Pdad: I’ll take your fruit of the day, your vegetable of the day and a sweet potato.

    Waiter: The fruit of the day is pineapple chunks and the veggie of the day is lima beans. Are you sure you’re ok with those?

    Pdad: Sounds wonderful. (I swear there’s no type of fruit or veggie my dad won’t eat, which makes all of this even more absurd)

    Waiter: And you ma’am?

    Pmom: I’ll have that dinner plate with the ham steak.

    Waiter: And your three sides?


    Needless to say, mom’s selection process was of equal duration except that my dad didn’t veto any of her choices. Total estimated time for the nice young man to take four orders……I’d guess about 5 minutes.

    I tipped him $12 on a $48 ticket. How’d I do, Car in?

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