Wherein Pat Metheny Decides to End His Career

Not to say he was all that amazingly popular to start with, but damn, dude… barely semi-popular and you still decide to off your career?

And just in case that doesn’t kill it dead enough, you put out an entire album of covers?  Ballsy move, dude.

Only thing this guy needs is a bass player, amirite?  BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!



  1. Hang on, Tight Tuckus Thursday will be up in about 2 minutes!

  2. Throbbing Thyroid Thursday?

  3. Tempting Toes Thursday?

    (now with more of Lipstick’s feets!)

  4. Tacky Tattoos Thursday?

  5. Oh, you’re complaining now, sure, but just wait for Anal Bleaching Sluts Sunday!

  6. Xbad,
    Keep your damn starfish to yourself. NONE of us wants to see it!

  7. just be glad the Inner Circle ™ voted down my plans for Full-on Fisting Fridays©.

  8. Crap! I knew I should’ve paid attention and not be lazy. I could’ve come up with Earworm Thursday. An ‘ette took my battles with the Chief and made a FB group with it.

  9. I’m trying to think. I know the name Pat Metheny, but can’t for the life of me remember anything he’s done.

  10. I think Pat Metheny lived in my home town. He made a living doing itinerant anal bleaching. Or was it singing Beatles’ covers? Hard to recall.

  11. Mike Matheny was born in OH, went to Michigan, and coaches the Cards. His covers suck!!!

  12. Metheny’s covers of the Starland Vocal Band’s greatest hits were some of the finest revivals since Nickelback re-recorded the entire Debbie Boone catalog.

  13. Hey now, I like “Afternoon Delight!”

  14. I mean, it’s no “Escape” by Rupert Holmes, but it’s still a classic.

  15. If you like Pina Coladas…

  16. Going to bed because it is freezing!!! G’night H2

  17. Mrs. Derp, you’ve got a lovely daughter
    Girls as sharp as her are somethin’ rare
    But it’s sad, she doesn’t love me now
    She’s made it clear enough it ain’t no good to pine

  18. Well, hell. I guess I’m the very last person on earth to learn that The Green Manalishi was originally a Fleetwood Mac song, not Judas Priest.

    Who knew?

  19. I mean, since we’re talking cover songs here. I guess it really killed Judas Priest to record this.

  20. Morning.

  21. I said, MORNING!

  22. Who is pat methane? Never heard of him. Then again, I never worked in a record store.

  23. Yo Jew. What the fuck?

  24. Owebama.

  25. Hey now, I like “Afternoon Delight!”


    Hey, who doesn’t ( minus the wife :( )

  26. * Takes off Santa hat in mourning *

  27. Or not…

  28. 16F here. I’m sure the chicken’s indoor water is frozen. We gotta get them another warming bowl.

  29. Hey, who doesn’t ( minus the wife :( )

    *counts blessings*

  30. Al Jazeera bought CurrentTV?

    The milk was free, you idiots, why buy?

  31. I’m still sad that the Kochs didn’t buy it through a series of shell corporations and turn it into ReasonTV-in-all-but-name.

  32. My poor niece got the #1 girls name for the year of her birth.

  33. My future son, Trogdor, will not have this problem.

  34. What if he’s a girl? Trogdaleine?

  35. I never heard of this fella.

    Wakey wakey.

  36. I’d like to think that Trogdor is gender-neutral, but we actually have a good girl’s name picked out.

  37. Getting another pork belly started this weekend. BOOYAH.

  38. Good Morning, peeps. Hey – Who’s up for a Fandango?!

  39. we actually have a good girl’s name picked out.


  40. Who’s up for a Fandango?!

    Me! Me!

    *puts on rubber gloves and takes plunger out of trunk*

  41. Gruetus?


  42. *whips red hanky out of pocketbook, takes a big gulp of coffee*

    Let’s do this, Laura!

  43. How many marshmallows did you roast last night with your new heater stove?

  44. “One of Mr. Obama’s political gifts is that he can sound so plausible describing the opposite of his real intentions. ” – today’s WSJ


  45. we actually have a good girl’s name picked out.


  46. we actually have a good girl’s name picked out.

    I think Pink Floyd would make a cool girl’s name.

  47. I’m not allowed to say it for fear of theft. Wife’s rule.

    No one’s going to steal Trogdor.

  48. HA!


  49. ( ^ that was for Carin’s comment)

  50. Bakdor

  51. Dave, I don’t want my daughter to be an anal-bleaching slut like Mare, so no.

  52. *looks at Leon’s comment, swears it was in a different location before refilling coffee, shakes head*

    Okay, you guys – who put the blue Metheny in my coffee again?!?

  53. *giggles, runs away …

  54. Drive time.

  55. If, and that’s a big IF, we end up with a baby girl we’re going to name her Elizabeth.

  56. *reaches out to give Carin a wedgie, misses the reach by about three feet, begins falling in slow motion*


  57. Back to Skool time.

  58. *tosses fluffy dog bed underneath Cyn to catch her fall.

  59. I was into more unique names, but my husband was having none of it. Hannah goes to school with a million other Hannah’s (I don’t know how that happened, because it’s like there is some national consciousness where everyone names their daughter the same thing the same year.)

    Hannah’s are mostly just around her age. Not older. Some younger. It’s weird.

    Matthew is traditional.

    Ian – there are no other “Ian’s” in his school. Ethan we do hear more often, but again – it’s just kids HIS age.

    It’s weird.

    Erin is traditional, so again not really terribly common for her age.

    I know I didn’t search any “popular” lists to pick out my kids’ names.

  60. How many Zekes do you know?
    That is a fun name. Ezekiel is biblical, I suppose naming a child Zeke would doom them to being at the end of the line when doing things alphabetically

  61. For a girl: Fiona Naomi

    For a boy: Aidan Eoin

    For a dog: Elmo

    For a beer: Sam Adams

  62. Good morning children. 3 degrees here, I’m getting tired of the cold already.

  63. Huh. Friend of mine works in construction and husband is PISSED because he was lied to about a job. Seems he’s working on a Mosque (he pours concrete) despite asking them repeatedly if it was one. They’ve given him two different names for the company, etc.


  64. Whatever you name the child, be sure and use some weird ass semi-phonetic spelling so people can’t spell it for the rest of his/her life.

  65. it’s a balmy 23 here. Won’t be for long, though.

  66. For a beer: Sam Adams

    Here! Here! J1mbro. Is it too early for one?

  67. Leon SHUT UP, I’m anti anal bleaching! Get it rite cave man!

  68. Snow in the forecast.

    Texas is weird in the winter.

  69. Ferocity of protest = secret interest.

    That’s what the Left taught me.

  70. I will not tell you cold people what the weather is like here.

  71. Good morning good people!

  72. If, and that’s a big IF, we end up with a baby girl we’re going to name her Elizabeth.

    Drop the ‘IF’ and get busy. We want some little MJ babies.

  73. Ca rin, tell your friend’s husband to bless the site by burying some bacon in the concrete. It will ward off evil spirits.

  74. That’s what I would do. In some things, you can’t be too careful.

    *spins twice, knocks on wood*

  75. WooHoo! Highs in the 20s with wind gusts up to 30 mph.

  76. When we named our kids, we went with traditional/Biblical and they had to be ones where we knew noone with the same.

    The son’s name was picked out before he was ever conceived.

  77. We had several chosen for the girl but waited for her birth, so we could see who she was.

  78. Moses Beasn?

  79. For a beer: Sam Adams

    Here! Here! J1mbro. Is it too early for one?

    If you have it as part of a balanced breakfast and don’t operate heavy machinery right after I think you’re good. Or a snow blower, yeah, that too.

  80. Pretty sure snow blowers and chainsaws work better if you’ve had a beer or two.

  81. In school we were taught one definition of an alcoholic: Anyone who drinks more than me.

    And then this nugget: Whatever anyone tells you for the amount they drink—double it. This insider nugget of info prompts me to tell my own doctor that I drink 1-2 beers/week.

  82. We had several chosen for the girl but waited for her birth, so we could see who she was.

    That’s what we did with the boys, too.

  83. Moses Beasn?


  84. I wanted to name my son, “Rastus P. Farquard III”. My ex nixed that.

  85. Currently 5 degrees at the airport in Bangor. Forecast high of 14 today with windchill of -17.

    Off to work now.

  86. We haven’t had any exercise updates yet. Get with it, people!

  87. J’Ames – Don’t you have some frost to scrape off the hogs or something?

  88. We just numbered ours. I was hoping for more.


  89. Crap, the local radio guy hasn’t updated his page yet. He had on his Thursday guest, who had broken down which counties voted for Romney and by how much. Surprisingly, two of what I consider the wealthiest, voted for him in the 70th percentages.
    AND he was telling about how one of the counties had a deer kill and the bleeding hearts were out there having candlelight vigils for them. Same folks not too long ago, would capture and sterilize the deer and release them. $1500 a pop. And some would go off to get creamed on the highway.

  90. I’m taking a break from the gym until Monday. Too many resolutioneers these first few days.

  91. Too many resolutioneers these first few days.

    Reminds me of a good one I saw a while ago: Ah New Year’s, time for my annual Jan 1 – Jan 3 diet plan!

  92. We just numbered ours.

    HA! Thing1 and Thing2?

  93. I love that the kids named our sweet Debra Grace after women in the family. Plus, it is a strong, beautiful and traditional name.

  94. We went with a popular name for eldest girl, and a biblical name for youngest.

    Then I found $20. But they spent it.

  95. Weird weather. Was out feeding and ice crystals started falling out of a clear sky.

    No run this morning. 3 degrees is too damn cold for me. I ran a couple of miles day before yesterday at 10 degrees. Coming back, a breeze kicked up and my face froze.

  96. You know what I hate? Those dumb ass, fat women in target with poorly raised children who loudly call out their children’s names to “get their attention.” You know those names they think are so original. They expect you to say something like, “Oh, I love that name, how original!”

    I ignore the moms and give the kids scary looks their mom can’t see.

    It’s always something like “Treastis” or “Jerenger.”

  97. I like the name John. I’m going to start calling my daughter John just because I like it.

  98. Guess I can’t because then I’ll be one of those dumb, fat Target moms who insist on being original. “Oh, you call your daughter John, that’s different, so original.”

  99. I know who Pat Metheny is. I would spend $5 to have Pat come to my house and play a cover of “Muskrat Love.” I’ll bet he would make it special.

  100. I have to agree. . .


  101. Ælfgifu is a pretty good name for a girl.

  102. I’m thinking this isn’t a lose/lose:


  103. So, don’t go to Target. Problem solved.

  104. Huh, I didn’t realize jewellery had a different spelling, like colour, theatre, etc.

  105. HAHAHAHA…Please read the comments, I almost wet my pants:


  106. Then I’m stuck the the fatter asses at Walmart. Problem worsened.

  107. John is Jan pronounced with a fake european accent Mare. You could sell that

  108. So, don’t go to Target. Problem solved.

    It’s worse at Walmart.

  109. Leon SHUT UP, I’m anti anal bleaching! Get it rite cave man!



  110. This is me shopping at Walmart.

  111. This is me meeting mare, going in for the hug.

  112. This is me meeting mare, going in for the hug.

    OMG, how cute are you!!!

  113. Things George Orwell can’t live without

    1. My hand-tinted pinhole camera photograph of LauraW’s hump. It’s the only thing that makes its 99¢ Aaron Brothers picture frame look classy.
    2. The galvanized ten-gallon tub from Salvation Army. Without it I would have no place for ice and beer, or feet and Epsom salts.
    3. Pat Metheny’s cover album of Alvin and the Chipmunks’ Christmas songs.
    4. The lotion in the basket.

  114. Fatter asses at Walmart, stopping at the bakery for their free cookie. If you don’t move fast enough, you get the death glare of entitlement.

  115. Yeah, babeee!


  116. the death glare of entitlement

    There was a lot of that last November 6th.

  117. George, yes. But I get to see it in the large pulsating attituded dimpled flesh, every day.

  118. So, I got a union guy in my house working on the phone system. Nice guy, and a smart tech, with Cisco certification and everything.

    He was incredulous when I mentioned that I thought global warming was not science. He said he mostly believes what the majority accepts, and they accept global warming as a fact.

    So I ‘splained to him how CO2 actually affects the earth’s energy budget in the troposphere of the tropic zones, that the “water vapor feedback loop” has turned out to be a myth, and CO2 is not a significant factor but a political agenda.

    He said, then how come the ice caps are melting.

    So I ‘splained to him that the Antarctic ice is actually growing, and the Arctic ice cap is being warmed by superheated water trapped under the cap from unexpected volcanic activity.

    He looked dubious. Had never heard of this before.

    So I googled an article about the findings of the Woods Hole Oceanagraphic Institute regarding the surprise activity along the Gakkel Ridge, which stretches from Greenland to Siberia on the Arctic Ocean floor. I handed him the article and suggested he think about why the MSM isn’t reporting this.

    He left the article behind. I give up. We are fucked.

  119. He probably had to go buy a Coke with a polar bear on the label, to save one from your denier beliefs.

  120. **poke**

    //bigger stick


  121. Michael killed it, on his BIRTHDAY!

  122. *crosses poat’s arms*

    *lays pennies on poat’s eyes*

  123. *slips a scenty christmas tree thingy on the big toe of the poat*

  124. Coffee.

  125. Dang.

    I thought my Mare joke above might check the box for January.

    //back to the funneh mines.

  126. Michael, what article was it you gave him?

  127. For a second, I thought Stark said:

    In which case, the correct order would be:

  128. In which case, the correct order would be:

    Well, I think I’ll stop at beer.

  129. In which case, the correct order would be:


  130. Don’t. Judge. Me.

  131. SHEEP!

  132. Happy birthday, Michael!

  133. DeForest Kelley!

  134. Heh. I’m actually drafting a post on the Black Sheep Squadron right this moment.

  135. Night of the Lepus. Proof positive that people, even well-known people like Janet Leigh, will do literally anything in front of a camera for a paycheck.

    You would think she could have done something more dignified, like MILFy porno.

  136. Word, George.

  137. And, Boehner keeps the speaker position. by 1 vote, according to Dana Loesch

  138. Hey aggie, what day is it?

  139. STFU, J’Ames :P

    Also, I freakin’ KNEW Boner would keep it. There are no spines left in the GOP.

  140. Nobody wants the job.

  141. Ok, smartass, go look at the poat now, J’Ames :P

  142. Greetings, people who stumbled into this looking for advice on having a Meth Career.

  143. There’s a freak show quality to some parts of the H2.

    Sheesh, that works for everything!


  144. Hahaha

    *finger guns

  145. :D

  146. Why would anyone want that job? The other side lies, then holds a press conference to call you a baby killer.


  147. I want the job.

    *puts on “Baby Killer” T-shirt for press interview*

  148. *finger guns


    Didn’t I recently read a story about a first grader suspended for doing just that? We have to coach our 3rd grader about things that are OK to do at home and things he can’t do at school. He raids my discarded gun publications for fun and asked for camp clothes for Christmas. His dad (deceased) was a good deer hunter…seems to have not skipped a generation.

  149. *camo clothes

  150. Careful, leon, someone might think you’re Kermit Gosnell or George Tiller.

  151. Exactly. Who wants to preside over this mess? Nobody that’s who

  152. You’re right, Jay.

    *puts on “I H8 the Poor” t-shirt to go on Maddow after negotiations*

  153. I just heard that story, jimbro. You can’t make anything idiotproof any more. They keep making better idiots.

  154. I’m telling you, have Boehner call me. I got this. I’ll kick the Overton window in the jimmies.

  155. New non-Pat Metheny poat available for your consideration.

  156. Michael, what article was it you gave him?

    Fire Under the Ice

    Which I found at the James Watts denier site, here:

    Surprise Volcanic Eruption Under Arctic Ice

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