Thursday at the Funny Bone

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.”

The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do as I do.”
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman?”
The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.”
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,”What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.”
The woman said, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The woman with the Chihuahua said…………………………
.
.
.
“A Chihuahua? They gave me a f…..g Chihuahua?!”

A Love Story
Max & Arlene lived by a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was early winter and the lake had frozen over.
Max asked Arlene if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money, but he told her “no, just put it on our tab”. So Arlene walked across, got the beer at the general store, then walked back home across the lake. When she got home and gave Max his beer, she asked him, “Max, you always tell me not to run up the tab at the store. Why didn’t you just give me some money?”.
Max replied, “Well, I didn’t want to send you out there with some money when I wasn’t sure how thick the ice was yet”

A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds. The breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze. Perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those “feelings” again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, “take the dog for a walk.”

Have a happy Thursday!

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