New Olympic Sports


Now that the games have begun, it’s time for an Olympic-style Joke Thread!

Name the next sport to be added to the Olympics

Some suggestions to get you started:

Full Contact Dominoes

Women’s Beach Jenga

Dog Frisbee

GO!  MAKE FUNNY NOW!

429 Comments

  1. Tonsil Hockey

  2. Freestyle Beach Vomit

  3. Bouncing up & down on a damned trampoline like a corn-fed fruitcake?

  4. Freestyle Beach Vomit

    okay, game over.

  5. Pony fashion-model dress-up fun?

  6. Pocket Pool Away Games

  7. Synchronized Sneezing

  8. Dick Pole Vault

  9. High and Low Hurls

  10. Team cooter sniffing.

  11. Fart Lighting

  12. Bunghole Javelin

  13. http://is.gd/4m6IPa

    Now THAT one speaks to me.

    Good job.

  14. Greek-style Handball

  15. Waterboarding

  16. Baby Cheney.

  17. Shart Put

  18. Wait for it…

  19. Oh, who has the patience?

    I’ll bbl later to see the new avatard.

  20. Women’s Synchronized Lap Dancing

  21. Chicken Choking

  22. Speed Stabbing

  23. Pummel Horse

  24. Jew Baiting.

  25. 100 meter Hurling.

  26. Cock blocking.

  27. Breaststroke

  28. Javelina Throw

  29. Bouncing a ball & throwing it at a peach basket.

  30. Hammered Throw

  31. Jaeger Shot Put

  32. Fake-boob spotting.

  33. Hillbilly Handfishing.

  34. 100 Meter Sprint: white people division.

  35. Spot the Tranny

  36. Sock-her

  37. Costco run.

    bbl

  38. Loogie

  39. Greco-Roman Bi-athlon

  40. Men’s doubles soap dropping.

  41. Stump Jumping

  42. Motorboating.

  43. Baby Skeet

  44. Mare-a-thon

  45. Futile Stationary Cycling

  46. Mare-a-thon

    That isn’t new.

  47. Water-carrying relay (MSM only)

  48. Beach Dolly Ball.

  49. Monkey Bobsledding

  50. Ball kicking. Followed by the High-Tenor Squeak-off.

  51. LGBTathalon.

  52. Speed Coitus

  53. Muff Diving

  54. Bad Touch Relay Race

  55. Dagger Throw

  56. Cheeto Dick Marathon.

  57. Synchronized Sleeping

  58. Wookie Burger Snarfing

  59. Daddy’s Finger-Wrestling

  60. Long Hump

  61. Monkey Skeet

  62. Slab-sided Bull-Dykes Picking Shit Up

  63. New Kind of Broad Jump

  64. Pig Knuckling

  65. Goatse

  66. 50 Yard Rash

  67. Speed Staring

  68. Cornholing, of course.

  69. Hammer Toss Off

  70. 100m Women’s Sharting

  71. Olympic rowing. http://is.gd/qmk1Tj

  72. Overhand Puppy Tossing.

  73. Goatse

    Synchronized Team Goatse

  74. Mustache Dressage

  75. Muthafockin’ bootleg washin’ machine started peeing on the floor.

    I may have rendered it even less operable while removing it from the house.

  76. Muthafocking bootleg dressage.

  77. Does it have a urinary tract infection? You can check by sticking your finger in the outlet hole and checking for blood.

  78. I could have fixed that Leon.

  79. 5mm Short Jump

  80. Also, if the washing machine is just crouching in the corner, growling at you while it pees. That’s a sign, too.

  81. Staph Pipe

  82. Cuban shit-boat long-distance swimming.

  83. Hammer Time.

  84. Women’s Cross Cuntry.

    Wrong game?

  85. 4-by-800 Going Galt

  86. Water Cholo

  87. Vuvuzela kicking.

  88. Invisible hurdles.

  89. Team foot massaging

  90. Bicycle Water Polo

  91. Mixed Doubles Simon Says

  92. Women’s Freestyle Sausage Wrestling

  93. Water Cholo

    Winner.

  94. Pond skimming.

  95. Thanks Dickfloss.
    http://is.gd/CUVV1K

  96. Girly-Mens 50m Flounce

  97. If it was the Special Olympics, we could add Presidential Bowling.

  98. Speed Reading

  99. Team Administrative Kiddie Fiddling

  100. Synchronized Bukakke

  101. Cross Dressage

  102. Fluoridating Children’s Ice-Cream, Mandrake!

  103. MJ is still alive. How did that happen?

  104. Methtathalon

  105. Burrito wrapping.

  106. Sharts and Crafts.

  107. Snot Put

  108. Useless Fat Pant-Loading Jug-Eared Fuck Juggling.

  109. Beating Some Guy To Death With Your Bare Hands

  110. Plum Smuggling

  111. Sterling Archery

  112. Synchronized Smoking.

  113. Freeballing.

  114. Coccyx Boxing

  115. Taeguido

  116. Freestyle Race Baiting

  117. Wait, what?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finnish_baseball

  118. Messican Judo

  119. Stolen from JOM:

    I sure hope Chicago puts on a better opening ceremony in 2016.

    Wait. What?

    Posted by: hit and run | July 28, 2012 at 10:48 AM

  120. Spear Chuck

  121. Javelin Catch

  122. Hahahahahaha

  123. 400 m Bayonet Charge

  124. Tree Hugging

  125. Dumpster Diving

  126. Cripple Jump

  127. Cunt Punt

  128. Beer Run

  129. Body dumping

  130. Discus Your Feelings

  131. Sleeping With Fishes.

  132. Dave is officially goofing off.

    200m Freestyle Jack Wagon

  133. 6am Whiskey Bottle Tilting.

  134. Cock blocking.

    Nah, that would be impossible to judge. Virtually every woman in the world could score a 10, in my experience.

  135. Grandparent Awwing and Hair Tussling.

  136. Midget Tossing!

  137. Drapery Hanging

  138. Cross cunt running

  139. Attention whoring about your knee surgery

  140. Cooter Ping Pong!

  141. Ooooooh. New babytard.

  142. >> Attention whoring about your knee surgery

    Goddamn right I am. I love attention.

    I get it too.

    400m Sad Face Relay

  143. Fixing wood scratches with a dark stain marker pen!

    (I just did that, so I might be competitive.)

  144. Is MJ commenting from his iPad while in the triathlon?

    What number did you paint on your leg?

  145. Did Carin get an ipad?

  146. Synchronized Michael Caine Impressions.

  147. In fact, I bet I would be in the medal race. Several doors and cabinets in my house are looking a lo better.

  148. Is this what the opening ceremonies looked like at the triathlon, MJ?

    http://is.gd/qmeTyL

  149. Toe Nail Biting

  150. What’s up, jewstin? Haven’t seen much of you lately.

  151. iPad Toss

  152. Cucumber Smuggling

  153. Is this what the opening ceremonies looked like at the triathlon, MJ?
    —————————–
    Hahahahaha. Assface.

  154. Is this what the opening ceremonies looked like at the triathlon, MJ?
    http://is.gd/qmeTyL

    hahahaha…A classic douche move, I LOVE it!

  155. Slicing bagels with a Japanese ceramic knife.

    (I also have a chance at scoring a medal in this category.)

  156. Cool Person Test:

    http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

  157. Speed taxes.

  158. Ikea Furniture Assembly.

  159. “Cucumber Smuggling”

    France wins.

  160. Howdy, J’Ames and hosefuckers. I’m doing well. I rented a shithole dump in a trailer park. I have a car in my front yard, but no interweb tubes yet.

  161. Butt Huffing

  162. Extreme Reach Around

  163. *waves howdy to Jewstin*

    Hey mare, wanna not meet at the ballpark tonight? Beer’s on me!

  164. “Butt Huffing”

    San Francisco wins.

  165. Hey mare, wanna not meet at the ballpark tonight? Beer’s on me!

    Done and done!

  166. “Extreme Reach Around”

    Obama wins, but he’s better at away games.

  167. Sprint Jive Talkin’.

  168. Speed Douche

  169. It’s a not date then!

  170. Not Date Rape

  171. Don’t you hate it when you order stuff for the wrong phone? Who knew an Evo is different than an Evo 3D?

    Stupid batteries.

  172. Great review of the Opening Debacle:
    http://rantpolitical.com/2012/07/28/an-olympic-nightmare/

  173. Speed Mare Commenting.

  174. Box Jumping (look at the dog’s faces at the end…hahahahahah):

    http://tinyurl.com/dxrp6gq

  175. Dog thoughts: “cats are fuckin crazy”

  176. Dave, I’ll not go to the ball game with you. I love not watching baseball games.

  177. “Dog thoughts: “cats are fuckin crazy””

    exactly……hahahahahahahaha…..the way the cat’s body is half out of the box makes me LOL….

  178. You have to not buy the first beer then Jay.

  179. Did Mj tell us about his tri?

    Why not?

  180. New Olympic Sport

    Your Mom

  181. Clitfinding. Probably save money on medals.

  182. Because he pooped his pants then slipped on the poop and popped his knee and had to be airlifted out while people laughed and pointed and he cried and cried in shame and his wife divorced him and ran off with a cooler midget.

  183. Tit Watching

  184. Poor MJ.

  185. Eh, he’s had worse days.

  186. That don’t sound all that bad.

  187. Because he pooped his pants then slipped on the poop and popped his knee and had to be airlifted out while people laughed and pointed and he cried and cried in shame and his wife divorced him and ran off with a cooler midget.

    I remember when a feller’d have to pay $15 or $20 to get a tranny to do that.

  188. I hope he took pictures.

  189. Or at least tweets updates.

  190. This time last week we were not meeting Mare, and having a swell time.

  191. A left over 12 pack of Coors light from yesterday’s party – this shit is pathetic.

  192. his wife divorced him and ran off with a cooler midget.

    *hands Mrs. MJ a fresh cocktail*

  193. Leftover 12 pack? I don’t follow.

  194. Leftover 12 pack? I don’t follow.

    It appears I’m the only one dumb enough to touch this shit.

  195. @MJ_Tweet Almost completed 1st Triathlon http://is.gd/uaDGgv Much thanks to emergency personnel & HazMat pros on site, also Rhonda I miss you so much

  196. You only have to drink 4 before it tastes great.

  197. 2 to go then.

  198. Scott: Don’t water the garden.

    Me: What? Why?

    http://is.gd/4p5q7M

  199. Can’t you compost coors light?

  200. No, but you could water the garden with it.

  201. I bet Leon won’t keep Rhonda to himself like MJ. Bring her round the house, won’t you?

  202. I heard there’s a place not too far from me with $1 a pound pick your own blueberries.

    I wanna go.

    *searches couch cushions for spare change.

  203. Can’t you compost coors light?

    You will have a buttload of angry worms with torches and tiny pitchforks at your back door.

  204. We’ve gotten a lot of water in the last week.

    I should go check on that purple thing in the lake. See how it’s doing.

  205. *whistles*

    *looks around*

  206. I bet Leon won’t keep Rhonda to himself like MJ. Bring her round the house, won’t you?

    Of course, who do you think I am, MareJ?

  207. NOT that purple thing.

  208. Becoming very very dark outside.

    *cracks a beer & waits for the light show*

  209. No rain due here today. I might have to go mow after I watch some more Breaking Bad.

  210. Oh, then what purple thing?

  211. Dead hobo

  212. Was it just last week you goofs were together?

    I should probably not refill these vicodins. Also, batten down the hatches Humpy. I wish some of that rain was headed here. It’s hotter than a mofo.

  213. Jeebus, it’s Florida rain.
    Just went upstairs and the floor is soaked by the window that was open. Dammit.

  214. ALSO, I just had the best tuna salad on toast with sliced homegrown tomatoes sammich EVER!

    *envy me*

  215. *envy*

  216. *bites Anger Management Puppet in the face*

  217. I tol you to batten down the hatches. That means open winders.

  218. It’s a nice deep soaker. Second one this week. Will be good conditions for weeding, feeding, and transplanting tomorrow.

  219. We could use about 15 of those.

  220. Destinee Hooker ?

  221. I got rained on during my runs on both Thursday and Friday. Thursday’s rain HURT. It was coming down so freakin hard. I thought it was hailing for a minute. Nope.

  222. Someone – QUICK – I want to throw my shrimp on the bbq tonight, but I want a sorta spicy something to throw on top of them.

    HELP.

  223. My email’s not working.

    Just FYI.

  224. Garlic + cayenne + salt

  225. That sounds too easy. I’m skeptical. How about some lemon with it? Or a dash of olive oil?

  226. OH- and coriander.

  227. I can’t improve on that recommendation. Maybe add a little Tabasco.

  228. well, then, Ok. There it is.

  229. dash of cumin if ya gots any

  230. What in the hee-haw heck is going on here?!

  231. Old Bay if you got it.

    http://www.oldbay.com/Products/Old-Bay-Seasoning.aspx

  232. “I like your nails, but I can’t deal with the shingles.” –some gay roofer

  233. We’re cookin dinner!

  234. Thunder rumbling and I’ve had to turn on the lights.

  235. Nice to see you Jewstin, glad you have a roof, even if it is corrugated.

  236. Dave in Texas endorses Zatarain’s seafood boil, however I have field tested Old Bay and it holds up nicely. Both are very good for big pots of crawdads.

  237. Jewstin has a trailer? Wealthy fuck. Next thing you know he’ll be telling us about his window unit or some shit.

  238. I uploaded a few pictures. I’m not going to post them, but if you have admin access, you should be able to see them on the media page.

  239. http://tinyurl.com/c29no74

  240. The one on the dog butt looks like my Cosmo.

    In other cat news, Sick Kitty (as seen in Lapeerpalooza pictures) is going in for the operation on Monday. We’ll see what they can do.

    MJ – why didn’t you include the sharting picture? You know that’s what we wanted to see.

    (looks like you had fun – how was it?)

  241. Terrific, MJ! You finished right? How did you do….I mean how did you feel about your triathlon?

  242. That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Lots of our friends were there competing and a few just came to cheer everyone on. Rhonda was awesome. She blew away the time she thought it would take her and she cried tears of joy at the end. It was kind of cute.

  243. So, easier or harder than you expected? Easier or harder than a half marathon?

    (email’s not working or I’d take this conversation there.)

  244. Take the conversation to email, dammit!

  245. Easier than expected. Much less time than a half marathon, so a bit easier as well. The changes from swim to bike to run made it…different. You just don’t get mind number at all. There’s just too much going on.

    I’m sure that’s partially due to the novelty.

  246. Howdy, all!

    Rebecca is tormenting the temperamental cat – I think she is going to learn what a cat growling means in a couple of minutes (you can only warn them so many times before they have to learn that hard lesson on their own….)

  247. I have to go to dinner. Email me when it comes back up.

  248. Did you guys see the men’s archery uniforms? They looked obviously American which I liked. Khaki shorts, blue T-shirts with small American flag, and red hats with a flag. Terrific.

  249. Fags

  250. Destinee Hooker!

  251. Hey guys, I’m brining a picnic shoulder for roasting tomorrow; should I skewer holes in it?

  252. I do cross-hatch slices in the fat and insert whole cloves when I do a picnic.

  253. Cloves, like with ham? Interesting. Is that for the initial brining, or for the marinade? Or don’t you brine it first?

  254. Simple salt water brine 1st. The last 10-15 min of roasting, I brush a little honey on it.

  255. Yes.

  256. Yes what

  257. I know two girls who played with Destinee Hooker at Texas……not the nicest girl on the team (IYKWIMAITTYD).

  258. My theme today is interspecies love:

    http://tinyurl.com/crwz28e

  259. The Boy was messing with his brother yesterday – since he had already seen the rehearsals for the Olympic Opening Ceremony, he kept telling him everything that was going to happen.

    Brother made him leave 😛

  260. Some of these are good

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hcmz74AaXHs&feature=player_embedded

  261. Mare – You are a sick, sick woman and need therapy ASAP.

  262. Comment by Hotspur on July 28, 2012 6:40 pm

    Yes.

    YES WHAT?

    I’M SO F%#@&*^% CONFUSED NOW

    *punches wall & immediately collapses in agony*

    I…shouldn’t punch things…hands too…small…

  263. ^^

  264. Does anyone need me to tell them to shut their half-wit, pie hole because I’m happy to do it!

  265. Important announcement!!!

    Window treatments have been decided upon/ordered and no goat fabric was used….yet.

  266. Then what happened?

  267. Baked cod, garlic mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob for dinner at the TiFW house.

    I hope The Boy appreciates the “wife training” that we’re doing over here….. 😛

  268. That’s all that happened.

  269. Should I do an Important Announcement about cleaning out my fridge?

  270. This is pretty cucked fup.

    http://www.ehow.com/video_4981583_make-cafe-de-paris-mixed.html

  271. Should I do an Important Announcement about cleaning out my fridge?

    Wait until I do an Important Announcement about me baking a cheese and sausage pizza tonight at 400°.

    I don’t want you to interfere with my announcement of truly interesting information.

  272. I will also announce that this pizza is getting cooked on a Pantry Chef oven stone, so this is going to be really exciting news.

  273. In advance of my exciting announcement about the pizza, I will point out that women’s beach volleyball is on NBC right now.

  274. I miss our pizza stone.

    Just so you know, pizza stones don’t hold up in the fireplace too well.

  275. I wonder how those shrimp came out.

    Can you smoke shrimp?

  276. You should have used the burning stump.

  277. It was gone by then. Pizza stones need even heat.

  278. Funny, in Italy they use stones in pizza ovens using fire all the time.

  279. Chief, that’s because the oven is made of stone!

  280. Shoot, I’ll hold up on my fridge announcement but I don’t know if I can keep quiet concerning my refilling the bird feeder deal.

  281. Twitter loves bird feeder updates.

  282. I actually have a stone oven on my patio.

    It works great. The problem is it takes about 8 hours to heat it up. You burn a lot of wood in the process.

  283. In fact, IIRC, Scott has had meat cooked in my stone oven.

  284. Kerri Walsh seems nice.

  285. I have and it was awesome.

  286. Possibly the best chicken I have ever had.

  287. The smoked brisket kicked butt too.

  288. Evenin’, homies and homettes.

  289. >> Yes what

    SAY WHAT ONE MORE TIME! I DARE YOU!

  290. If that ever happened, I’d start voting for Luap Nor.

    http://tinyurl.com/btujgcs

  291. Paul Krugman is a shameless hack.

    *polishes off my Master’s of the Fucking Obvious degree, hangs it back on the wall*

  292. The style guide says that should read “Former Enron adviser Paul Krugman …”

  293. This picnic shoulder (& chicken in same prep) is going to be awesome tomorrow and the best thing I ever made.

    Because I didn’t write down the marinade ingredients.

  294. shrimp was good.

    *belches

  295. I made the most awesomest taco salad ever tonight.

    EVER!

    And that was after a much needed and richly deserved late nap, and now I feel better than any human being alive in the history of human beings.

  296. I took my little guy to Outback for his favorite wings.

    The girls are gone somewhere. I’m sure I could track them in online banking.

    *shudders*

  297. Oh no.

  298. Daughter’s birthday.

    *Declares DEFCON 2*

  299. IMPORTANT UPDATE: my knee scar is itchy.

    must. not. mess with it.

    (also I think I’m about ready to ditch the cane. but I will keep it because dad made it)

  300. See – Andy – now it’s my BOYS who always want shit. Snow board stuff. Right now it’s air soft crap.

    Or cool shoes. NIke this or name-brand that.

    They drive me nuts.

    My LL Bean stuff lasted for years when I was a teen.

  301. And by that, I mean it’s her birthday week.

  302. Don’t touch it, Dave.

    I suggest self-medicating with a martini or three until the itch goes away.

  303. “And by that, I mean it’s her birthday week.”

    HA! We do that too, we love birthdays.

  304. I really can’t complain all that much, Car in. Both of my kids are still growing so fast you can hear it.

  305. She’s having a friend sleep over tonight, mare, and then if the weather isn’t crappy tomorrow, they’re driving down to the Cape to go to the beach all day.

    The actual birthday isn’t ’til Thursday, This is just the warmup.

  306. How old is your daughter, Andy?

  307. Well, crap, I’ve got a freakin SENIOR this year.

    *cries.

    But he does want expensive things. Lord reekis.

  308. Car in,
    Shop Air-soft for them here:
    http://shortyusa.com/index.html?RID=4328

    This stuff looks like it could get one “mistakenly” wasted by the cops after some nervous person puts in a “Man with a gun!” 911 call.

    Kids around here have gotten “This Close”, several times in the last year.
    I hear those calls on the scanner and hope the deputies that respond are not rookies…

  309. The style guide says that should read “Former Enron adviser Paul Krugman …”

    Shouldn’t “Nobel Prize Winner” also be in there somewhere?
    I’m sure he would remind us that he’s earned it….

  310. I really shouldn’t bitch, because my kids are good boys. They had a “war” here the other night – and my boys had to borrow guns from their friends. But, man ,that stuff is pricey.

    But -they don’t drink or do drugs or any other bad stuff.

    I wish I had the money to shower them,but I don’t. They’ll have to deal with just being loved 😉

  311. Happy pre-bday to your daughter Andrew. You’re right about the growing up thing. Sheesh. Youngest is coming for a visit tomorrow. This makes Dave even happier than I normally am, so I may become insufferable.

  312. I saw The Dark Knight Rises and ate at Chick-Fil-A for lunch today.

    CURRENT EVENTS, YO.

  313. She’ll be 12.

    Wait. That can’t be right …

  314. This makes Dave even happier than I normally am, so I may become insufferable.

    thanks for the heads-up.

  315. Thanks, Dave.

    Car in, back in my day we did that with BB guns. That shit hurt.

  316. Yeah, I know Carin. I’m already a pretty happy person, if I get happier people will likely want to smack me or something.

    Also I bet your boys will deal with “just being loved” fine.

  317. Car in, back in my day we did that with BB guns. That shit hurt.

    I bet.

    Although one kids at a squirter the other night when he got hit in the face.

    blood squirting from his chin.

    It was gross.

  318. Also I bet your boys will deal with “just being loved” fine.

    Not to hear them tell it. But I think it will all work out ok.

  319. Car in,
    The trouble with the Air-soft shit seems to start when they leave their own property and wander into a park, or school area.
    When they are at one of their homes, of course, the parents know they are toys. I’ve heard some real scary close calls.

    Andy,
    Isn’t that like 7th grade?

  320. Yup.

  321. yea, Chris, that isn’t a worry here.

    I’ve got 10 acres, surrounded by another 40 acres of either non-occupied, or occupied by the neighbor kids.

    we’re good. The only scary part is the price.

  322. *is a veteran of the North Texas BB Gun wars of 1975-77*

  323. Thought of a couple more new Olympic sports after I left this morning:

    -Keep Your Goddamn Mouth Shut For At Least Five Minutes

    -Try Not To Offend A Muslim

  324. They will just have to deal with the imperfection of living in a giant beautiful lakefront house without all the cool shit they really need in life.

    *sheds massive bitter tears for Carin’s deprived children*

    Family anecdote: When Scott’s Dad had had enough of listening to his wife’s complaints about their house, and his kids’ complaints about their shitty lives, he would pile the family into the car, and take them on a nice family drive.

    Through the North End (of Hartford, CT).

    After everybody had an eyeful of what life can really be like, he drove home. And he didn’t have to listen to any unhappy shit for *quite a while.*

  325. HAHAHAHA.

    Perspective is a healthy, if sometimes unpleasant thing.

  326. Yea, Lauraw – the funny thing is that these SAME kids grew up in a 3 bedroom house in detroit with a POSTAGE stamp yard. We had one and a half bath. We’ve only lived here 5 years, so the oldest certainly remember all that.

    I think they’re brain damaged. I prolly dropped them on their head too many times.

    So, no I don’t feel sorry them at all, but I do have to continually address their feelings of extreme deprivation because they don’t have 1) a car 2) a jetski 3) airsoft guns, etc …

    Hopefully they’ll eventually forgive me.

  327. “If we sold this house and moved back to Detroit, we could afford some nice jetskis and cars for you.”

  328. Carin, we built the pool the same year eldest went off to college. Irked her that kid sis got to enjoy it more than she did.

    I said “This is the blessing of being the eldest. You got to experience more of my poorer years.”

  329. And just pinch your lips after that. Long silence, nothing.

    That is how my mom always just destroyed me.

  330. They do have a nice house, but I don’t give them a lot of things.

    Their friends do have a lot more stuff. I think it’s kind of sad. I mean, many of them are rather spoiled.

    Eh. It is what it is. They THINK they’d rather have things, but I bet many of their friends would rather live here.

    Grass/greener.

  331. When I was a boy, we lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment and my crack-addicted stepdad used to stab us all to death every night. Your boys could have it worse.

  332. When my younger brother was about 10, he shot a BB gun at the primer of a 12 Ga. shell he had put in the grass. It exploded, of course.
    What he had not anticipated was the primer flying back and hitting him just above the right knee.
    He’s 57 now, and the primer is still in there. He never told our folks, so it never got removed.
    Dumbass…

  333. I remember when the rats would eat my toes off every night when I was a senior in high school.

    Man, I hated that bullshit.

  334. “If we sold this house and moved back to Detroit, we could afford some nice jetskis and cars for you.”

    And it’s true. LOL.

    Honestly, the biggest burden is the NUMBER of kids we have. I think when they’re older, they’ll be happy we gave them siblings, and not extra crap.

  335. If it’s any consolation, most kids come to appreciate what they had at home within a couple of years after they leave home.

    The 3 older TiFW kids (ages 20-26) have all told us repeatedly how grateful they are that we loved them and took care of them.

    The “real” world is a real eye-opener.

  336. OH.

    Please tell Miss Zelda that Bubba says, “Hey.”

    He’s got some words for Oscar too but I’d rather not repeat them.

  337. I honestly think they appreciate it now. They just occasionally complain because they’re kids. they really don’t ask for stuff. Mostly, Ian’s bugging us right now because he wants to spend HIS money on an airsoft gun, and I want him to save it.

    They want stuff, but they also understand.

  338. Oh, Car in – you’ve given your kids love and lots of room to roam. And the laughter of siblings; those memories will last a good long time.

    They’ll appreciate it –

  339. Please tell Miss Zelda that Bubba says, “Hey.”

    He’s got some words for Oscar too but I’d rather not repeat them.

    Ha. Apparently Zelda is even more appealing this week, because Oskar’s been trying moves that his achy hips don’t agree with.

    lol

  340. I talked to my son yesterday. He said, “Mom, do you know how much tax is taken out of my paycheck?”

    I told him to quit his bitching and pay his fair share, the Walmart fatties need their wedding cake.

    He really wasn’t amused.

  341. HA, beasn. lol.

  342. also I love, LOVE the new av that Humpy found for you.

    That baby is starting a fire somewhere.

  343. The ave is really better when you see it bigger. IT kinda almost just looks like a cute baby in small form. You’ve got to see it bigger to see the malevolence.

  344. Car in,
    I dunno about that. There were six of us. We ALL hated it. It was like being in the general-population of a prison. As soon as any of us was old enough to be out of high-School, we got the hell out of dodge. I left when I was 17! Hi Army! That was better than living in that environment.
    When I got married, I had a vasectomy. Most parents that abuse their kids were abused as kids. Hell, I figured we were gonna get nuked anyway.
    All five of my siblings bred like rabbits!
    Of course, now that I’m a doddering old fool, I wish I’d fathered a couple of smart children, who would now be grown, and could support their aging parents until they die.
    Too soon old. Too late smart…

  345. I did see it bigger.

    I been around. I KNOW THINGS.

  346. Comment by Car in on July 28, 2012 10:08 pm

    I honestly think they appreciate it now. They just occasionally complain because they’re kids. they really don’t ask for stuff. Mostly, Ian’s bugging us right now because he wants to spend HIS money on an airsoft gun, and I want him to save it.

    They want stuff, but they also understand.

    Car in
    I kid you yankees alot about living in zombieland, but i can say this, you raise your kids like my Dad generation did, with a deep appreciation of what you have and not what you want
    most of my furniture is “Throw Away” that i have rehabbed, i love old stuff, but other than my net addiction i really dont “Need” high ticket stuff

    Score Car in +1000

  347. Trese, tell her majesty that Cahill, can wear a tiny cowboy hat now!

  348. Well, Chris, I’m sure there are families like that. My kids right now are in the next room hooting and hollering. Having fun.

    I only had a sister (who was out of the house) and a half brother, and I couldn’t WAIT to get out of dodge.I don’t think it had to do with the siblings. It had to do with the home, etc. The entire family dynamic.

  349. I did see it bigger.

    I been around. I KNOW THINGS.

    Obviously I knew you knew the potential. But I’m just concerned for folks who didn’t see the bigger picture.

  350. Score Car in +1000

    Can I buy a nobel with that?

  351. Must have a picture, Krow – Rebecca will love it, I’m sure!

    Right now she and DD#3 are having fun “tormenting” each other – they’re both laughing hysterically…..

  352. al gore or obumbler size?

  353. been trying for 3 days to get one, he keeps running

  354. The TiFWs are off to beddy-bye.
    Nytol – sweet dreams! ♥♥♥

  355. night

  356. Night night!

  357. I remember when the rats would eat my toes off every night when I was a senior in high school.

    I had to sell my toes to pay off my mom’s gambling debts.

  358. Car in,
    Yeah, I’m sure your place is better.
    We had Dad working three jobs trying to feed and clothe us and a mom that was bat-shit crazy and resented everyone of us for destroying her ‘fairytale’ existence that she had when they first got married.
    She didn’t have a choice though. Catholic, and all that.

    I see from my time here, that some folks enjoy being parents and love their children, and that their children love them back! How cool is that? I envy you folks your children.
    I fucked-up. So it goes…

    Oh hell. Another scanner-call; “Man with a gun! White male, 20s, dressed in all black, “Black Rifle” over his shoulder.”
    Bet you $20 it’s an Air-Soft gun.
    You gotta watch-out for those “Evil Black Rifles”. Sigh…

  359. 12 is a fun year!

    *sigh

  360. I wanted to sell my toes.

    I wanted to!

  361. Car in went over her bandwidth limit.We will not see her I am guessing.for 2 days?

  362. Vmax,
    I should just call her…

  363. THANK GOODNESS they are making Michelle Obama such a visible part of the Olympics, because, really, isn’t that what it’s all about in an election year?

  364. Vman, I JUST saw your email today. There may be something I’d like to discuss.

  365. Thanks Mare I wish you the best rather than strangers

  366. I am out and at 60k words in my book.
    Nite all!

  367. Just sprayed 2 anthills and for good measure, killed 4 black widows.

  368. Just finished watching Mulan with the girlie. Cute flick.

    I’m thinking my son is lonely as he let me jabber on and on, on our phone call. Jabber tends to irritate him. Usually. He’s a man of few words.

    I’ve gots to find a day to go there and make him pie, as in chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie!

  369. Has Barky brought us drought and pestilence? I’m thinking so.

  370. You could come here and make me chicken pt, chicken pot, chicken pot pie.

  371. I love you morons.

  372. Xbrad, if I win the lottery, I’ll bring you some pie.

  373. Me too. Love I mean, not chicken pot pie.

    Although, chicken pot pie is pure love.

    Plus, it’s pie.

    Nite y’all.

  374. Chief, care to join me?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3b9gOtQoq4

  375. You/’re the best, Beasn. I don’t care what MCPO says about you behind your back.

  376. Beasn – Great music and I looked good in that powder blue 3 piece suit with the Navy blue silk shirt!

  377. I don’t care what MCPO says about you behind your back.

    He’s too skeered to say it to my face, but that’s okay. It is time we dance.

  378. lookin at those pants I understand how Barry hit those notes.

  379. Meh, now I’m too tired. Mr. Beasn woke my butt up at 4am as he left to go fishing.

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  380. Off to Irvine tomorrow. I strongly suspect there will be scads of black widders when I get back.

  381. It’s quiet.

    Too quiet.

  382. You killed it Xbad, like the OBOG in a F-22.

  383. I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life!!!!!!!!!! I love all of you

  384. I am so sick of the Black Widows already!!!

  385. why is beadn up?

  386. Sohos!
    Happy for you. Being happy is a VERY good thing!

  387. Crazy Bear,
    RACIST!
    What have you got against BLACK Widows, as opposed to widows in general?

  388. I am soooooooooo happy and giddy wish I could kiss wiserbabe

  389. Sohos,
    I wish I could kiss Wiserbabe, too. Wiser might object, though, as might Wiserbabe…

  390. Happy that your happy, Sohita!

  391. You’re. Grrr

  392. Osoloco,
    My keyboard does that, too.

  393. hahahahaha oso

  394. I need to take a few seconds when I have autocorrect enabled. I’m impatient.

  395. Wish I could kiss and hug ALL of you. I am so thankful that you are my friends and have been for 7 years give or take….what a very lucky girl I am.

  396. I love it that you are so happy, Sohos!

  397. Goodnight, sweet friends. . . and Brad.

  398. It’s my Friday night, where the Hell is everyone???

  399. Hang a sign upon the derp
    That says don’t disturb this groove

  400. Thanks!!!!! Me too hahahaha

  401. Yuck; too, too early!

    Good morning, Hotsausages.

  402. Realizes it is an hour later WTF
    Howdy Cyn!

  403. Wakey wakey

    Car in went over her bandwidth limit.We will not see her I am guessing.for 2 days?

    It’s not my bandwidth. It’s my stupid email account. They suspended it – this happened a few weeks ago. Stupid hackers. I dunno.

    I should just switch, but I’ve had that email account for years and years.

  404. Sup fagz?

  405. G’morning, fag.

  406. Relevant to this poat: http://i.imgur.com/RIN11.jpg

  407. Ga. Obama commercial during the Olympics.

  408. Let me translate for you Car in:

    Last year, you moronic American Idol voters decided that Hope and Change sounded pretty good so this time we’re going to try BELIEVE.

    Don’t mind the smoking crater left by my complete and utter failure as a president, person, and composite character.

    -SCOAMF 2012.

  409. But … his economic policies are working!

  410. “Don’t mind the smoking crater left by my complete and utter failure as a president, person, and composite character.”

    Good one. 10,000 points to be used for …..seems like you’ve given up your vices for triathlon training so use it for pool shocker, a power washer and oil residue remover.

  411. I just saw an interview of Michelle, she went on and on about how great the opening ceremony was.

    Stupid Michellle.

  412. Imagine, just imagine the (insert proper word here) that is going on to make them think they can use the catch phrase, “we tried our plan and it worked!”

  413. She was given the memo, “The opening ceremony received TERRIBLE reviews, therefore it is your job to make people believe it was wonderful, just do like you do with the economy.”

  414. I guess he was referring to Clinton’s tax policy, which if you believe got us out of a recession, you’re basically brain dead anyway.

    After August 3rd I predict Bill will say something like, “when you are done getting my coffee, I’ll describe what an asshat you are.”

  415. referring to Clinton’s tax policy, which if you believe got us out of a recession, you’re basically brain dead anyway.

    Zombies. Lots of zombies are in our midst. Eating cake that you paid for.

  416. I woke to water drizzling from the sky.

  417. If you like your cake, you can keep your cake.

  418. I’m not much of an openin ceremony guy – they all pretty much suck. Did this one establish an entirely new category of suck?

  419. Breakfast: bacon and cherries.

    Time to go for walkies. Then later Scott’s mom is going to come over and go food shopping in my garden, heh.

  420. “Did this one establish an entirely new category of suck?”

    Yes, they even had a mention of the NHS…does that set the picture of how awful it was?

  421. I have never understood the power of legal precedent. What if the precedent was wrong and poorly argued, and yet, decided upon? Who gives a shit if it was argued before if it was an inept argument? “Justice” Roberts decision is a PERFECT example. Do lawyers/judges think that highly of their own kind?

    http://www.nationaljournal.com/scalia-guns-may-be-regulated-20120729

  422. Gimme a couple of minutes, and I’ll have a new poat up.

  423. Mare. Yes. They are little lordlings.

  424. Scalia was awesome on foxnews this morning.

  425. New poat!

  426. Scalia was actually pretty hesitant about the gun issue. The man watches his words carefully.

    To me, it sounded like he is open to hearing argument and that’s IT. Open mind, he has. He sounded doubtful that he’d be convinced.

    Go ahead. Try to convince me.


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